05 - Sharp-Dressed Villain
[Action A, 457 Stone Street, Morning]
[It's another marginally beautiful Mayfield morning, and Doofenshmirtz has volunteered to head out front and get the mail. Still half-asleep, he steps over the brown-papered package on the front step, staggers to the mailbox, extracts the bills, and steps back over the package without even noticing it. Click ( Read more... )
[It's another marginally beautiful Mayfield morning, and Doofenshmirtz has volunteered to head out front and get the mail. Still half-asleep, he steps over the brown-papered package on the front step, staggers to the mailbox, extracts the bills, and steps back over the package without even noticing it. Click ( Read more... )
Doof actually probably doesn't reocognize him, given that last time they talked it was over the phone and he was a lot more batshit insane. Though anyone who buys this much of what looks like the ingredients for waffle mix can't be entirely mentally sound...
Especially when you consider that in amongst the waffle mix and berries (for topping!), there's a huge chainsaw.]
What flavors of strudel to you have today?
[Mayfield bakery: Always fresh-baked, usually razor free!]
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[Oddly enough, it is upset he's showing. He misses ... Lucrezia. And that's very weird and kind of horrifying and NEW SUBJECT PLEASE.]
In some ways, I agree with you. There are... certain people I would not like to see here.
[Gil. Has it really been over a year since he's seen his son?]
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[He blinks once. Then a few more times. Ooh, that was a lovely journey of thought.
There is upset in Klaus! There is upset in Heinz! There is much German-esque upset lingering in the air!]
Yes, yes...
[A sinister look comes to his face.]
But is there someone that you would enjoy having here? To, you know, experience the marvel of Mayfield?
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[ALL OF THE GERMAN UPSET. SOMETHING MUST BE DONE, AND FAST.
Oh, like that.]
Ah, well. I certainly can't say no. But at the same time, have any one of them here would mean they would also be in a prime position to aggravate me when they weren't experiencing the marvel of Mayfield.
Though to be fair, one of them spent several months as my wife here and our relationship actually vastly improved as a result.
I am still trying to figure that out.
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[It's so nice to have someone to have conversations like this with.]
...eeh. Phooey. You have a point, but I don't like it. A good portion of this place's hazards come directly from the people, not the staff.
[Ooh, and maybe the conversation took a turn for the awkward? He's just trying to picture the same sort of thing happening to him, and there's either a big blank appearing, or his ex... and neither is worth pondering.]
Marriage becomes easier to deal with once the expectations are lowered and all pretense of romance has faded away. You can't be disappointed. Housework generally gets done by someone. It's like a well-oiled emotionless machine!
...oh, that's depressing. [Sigh.]
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Hah, well. We never had a pretense of romance. I threw her out the window the very first day and never looked back.
[AH MEMORIES.
But they didn't really reconnect until she forced him to torture Hiccup...
Red fire, their little family was so messed up.]
She had already destroyed my country, indirectly murdered my entire family and driven my two best friends to either death or a life in hiding. After something like that there is very little room for pretense between two people.
... you know, that is depressing.
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Eh, you have to be careful with that. Some ladies like it. They find it exciting.
[He wrinkles his nose, grimacing.]
We scientific geniuses were not meant for such things, I think. Our lives our complicated. Our needs our strange. Our circumstances are exaggerated. I take pride in having come out the other side more or less intact.
[And then he brightens, somewhat.]
And with a daughter. You know what? She makes the whole thing worth it.
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Ah, well. Nothing to be done about that. She would have flirted with me no matter what I did. It was her way of fishing for attention. I just chose to give it in a way that allowed me to throw her out of a window when I got particularly annoyed. It was mutually beneficial.
[And Klaus wonders why all the Spark ladies he falls for try to kill him eventually...
... Woah. Okay. Huh.
Klaus blinks at the mention of a daughter.]
Do you know, I think you and I are more alike than we seem. My son...
[But what does one say about the son they purposefully chose not to form a close bond with in order to push him to be the strongest and most independent he could be? In order to keep Gil alive, Klaus sacrificed any sort of normal relationship with him, and now...]
My son is a very large part of the reason I took over the country in the first place. A burning, ravaged war zone is no place to raise a child.
[And here, finally, is a man that might understand.]
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[Heinz can read that shift of expression on the other man's face. There's a thread of emotion that's been plucked, and he knows that one very well. Evil science is one thing, but your children are something else entirely.]
A proper father is always a proper father. I suppose if the Tri-State area was a genuinely horrible place to be, that... yes. Yes, I can see myself making that my motivation.
[He laughs softly, shaking his head.]
I wanted to give her everything that I did not have, growing up. I want the best for her. And of course, I embarrass her and she hates it when I throw her fancy birthday parties, but I can see a little glimmer in her eye when I bring her in on a scheme...
I think there's something in my eye, excuse me...
[He turns away to grab a tissue, wash his hands, and compose himself.]
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Now, he's never cried over it -- he's not one to cry. But it has often given him pause, standing back to marvel at exactly what Gil has become. There's a certain level of pride there, after all. He did succeed in what he set out to do. Even if Gil hates the constant tests and nagging, it's done him good.]
I believe I understand what you mean. It's something akin to seeing your son take down an entire army single-handed with a lightning rod he wasn't even sure would work. There are simply certain moments...
But I suppose this is neither the time nor place to wax poetic about this sort of thing.
[Meaning, this is simply TOO MUCH EMOTION for one bakery.]
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A father is proud of his children, whatever they may do. And when we're talking about something as impressive as experimental lightning rods... hm! Sounds to me like your son is in the family business.
[He coughs, then. Klaus seems to want to change the subject, and it's getting far too sentimental and mooshy in here.]
Not the place, no. Not in public. Can they arrest you for inappropriate sentimentality? I wouldn't put it past them.
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