ic; letter from home [day 57]
In an envelope kept in the top drawer of Kirk's desk:
XXX XXXXXXXX XXXXX
XXXXXXXXX, XXXX XXXXXX
XXX XXX
XX XXXXXXXXXXX XXX
XXXXXXXX, XXX XXXXXXX XXXXXX
XXXXXXXXX XX, XXXX
Dear Bill,
How is it in XXXXXXXX? I hope they're treating you well, and that you're taking care of yourself too. XX XXXX XXX XXXX XXXX XXXX XXX X XXXXX XXXXX XXXXX-
Your brother's farm had a XXXXX XXXXXXX XXXX XXXXXX, and he's the same as ever. You'd barely recognize little Johnny if you saw him now, although you'll be glad to know you won your bet and it looks like he took after his mom's darker features after all. Dan says there's always the next one. I expect you're going to be an uncle for the second time in XXXXXXXXX, maybe earlier, since Aurelia insists on still working in spite of how big she's gotten. Your brother jokes that this shows he married a true Shatner woman, but if you ask me, the men in this family can be just as stubborn, and with less sense about it.
Bill. This is my fifth time drafting this letter to you, and I'm still not sure what else to say. I keep thinking if I were better with words, maybe we could've skipped a few years of miscommunication and you wouldn't be going through this right now. But every time I wonder that, I imagine you getting mad at me for trying to take the blame for the way your life has gone. You never liked shoving off responsibility for any of the decisions you made, even the bad ones. I'm told this could've made you a hell of an officer.
It's not too late, you know. You were at the top of your classes before your episode, and it's not uncommon for XXXXXX XX XXXXXX XXXXXXXXXX XXXXXX X XXXXXXX. You're still young. You can move past this and pick up where you left off, if only you accept who you really are and take the steps to get better.
I don't know if you even want or need me to try to explain myself, but here: I gave you space because I thought you needed it - I was always independent, and so was your father. What I regret now is letting you believe that this was negligence. I regret waiting too late to reach out to you because I saw too much of myself in you to realize that you needed help. I won't ask for your forgiveness. I tried to be a good mother to you as best as I knew how, and maybe that wasn't enough. If you accept only one thing from me, then know that I love you. Your family misses you. We understand if you still need to work things out on your own, but never feel that doing it alone is your only choice.
Good luck, Bill.
Love,
Mom
P.S. Your friend Lloyd wanted me to pass on his apologies for not being able to see you this week, and possibly not any week afterward. He's been stationed at XXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXX XXXX XX XXXX, and tells you to get your shit together and join him as soon as you can. His words.
Included along with the letter is a photograph of four people, huddled together so closely that you can barely make out the farmhouse in the background. Jim's mother, Winona, leans in from the far left, her head touching that of Aurelan, Jim's sister-in-law, who looks very pregnant. Between them sits Aurelan's son and Jim's nephew, who's about five years old now. George Samuel Kirk sits on Aurelan's other side, with his arm around both women. They're all smiling at the camera.
XXX XXXXXXXX XXXXX
XXXXXXXXX, XXXX XXXXXX
XXX XXX
XX XXXXXXXXXXX XXX
XXXXXXXX, XXX XXXXXXX XXXXXX
XXXXXXXXX XX, XXXX
Dear Bill,
How is it in XXXXXXXX? I hope they're treating you well, and that you're taking care of yourself too. XX XXXX XXX XXXX XXXX XXXX XXX X XXXXX XXXXX XXXXX-
Your brother's farm had a XXXXX XXXXXXX XXXX XXXXXX, and he's the same as ever. You'd barely recognize little Johnny if you saw him now, although you'll be glad to know you won your bet and it looks like he took after his mom's darker features after all. Dan says there's always the next one. I expect you're going to be an uncle for the second time in XXXXXXXXX, maybe earlier, since Aurelia insists on still working in spite of how big she's gotten. Your brother jokes that this shows he married a true Shatner woman, but if you ask me, the men in this family can be just as stubborn, and with less sense about it.
Bill. This is my fifth time drafting this letter to you, and I'm still not sure what else to say. I keep thinking if I were better with words, maybe we could've skipped a few years of miscommunication and you wouldn't be going through this right now. But every time I wonder that, I imagine you getting mad at me for trying to take the blame for the way your life has gone. You never liked shoving off responsibility for any of the decisions you made, even the bad ones. I'm told this could've made you a hell of an officer.
It's not too late, you know. You were at the top of your classes before your episode, and it's not uncommon for XXXXXX XX XXXXXX XXXXXXXXXX XXXXXX X XXXXXXX. You're still young. You can move past this and pick up where you left off, if only you accept who you really are and take the steps to get better.
I don't know if you even want or need me to try to explain myself, but here: I gave you space because I thought you needed it - I was always independent, and so was your father. What I regret now is letting you believe that this was negligence. I regret waiting too late to reach out to you because I saw too much of myself in you to realize that you needed help. I won't ask for your forgiveness. I tried to be a good mother to you as best as I knew how, and maybe that wasn't enough. If you accept only one thing from me, then know that I love you. Your family misses you. We understand if you still need to work things out on your own, but never feel that doing it alone is your only choice.
Good luck, Bill.
Love,
Mom
P.S. Your friend Lloyd wanted me to pass on his apologies for not being able to see you this week, and possibly not any week afterward. He's been stationed at XXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXX XXXX XX XXXX, and tells you to get your shit together and join him as soon as you can. His words.
Included along with the letter is a photograph of four people, huddled together so closely that you can barely make out the farmhouse in the background. Jim's mother, Winona, leans in from the far left, her head touching that of Aurelan, Jim's sister-in-law, who looks very pregnant. Between them sits Aurelan's son and Jim's nephew, who's about five years old now. George Samuel Kirk sits on Aurelan's other side, with his arm around both women. They're all smiling at the camera.