After dinner (btw - don't go to Don Pablo's at the Moorestown Mall if you want to sit and talk, they rush you) came the check and the awkward moment of who pays
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I want to see what the guy friends say too - I've been told that trying to go dutch is perceived as a blatant "I'M NOT INTERESTED", which I just don't understand at all. But it's borne out by hindsight of my dating experiences.
Brick never, ever let me pay for a meal in a restaurant the whole time we were dating. But I could go out and get groceries and make dinner at home for us, that was apparently not nearly as emasculating/insulting. *puzzle*
I'm gonna bookmark this entry and see what the guys say, cause I totally don't get it either.
as Alys suggested, I looked up Miss Manners, and she actually said that if he's constantly paying for dinner, that she should offer to cook a meal for him -or- offer to pay the next time around. I thought dating was supposed to be easier when you got older.
Yea for going out on a date!!! Did you have a good time? Personally, going dutch would happen every so often when I was dating. Either that or one person pays this time and the other person will pay the next time. No big deal.
Depends on what the date is; with the old "dinner and a movie" thing I've offered to pay for dinner and asked if she minded covering the movie. Sort of like your paying for the ices.
The guy offering to pay the check is still "traditional", and in truth I would shy away from anyone who feels threatened in some way by your offer to share the dinner bill.
Better yet, as I am over 40 and been married once I've decided that High School Rules no longer apply. :-D In other words, *before* the date, just ask if he minds sharing the date expenses. Someone you'd want to date will likely say OK or offer to split the evening's costs. Not that I'm much for litmus tests, but be direct.
And if the guy is scared away cuz you're towering over him, fuggedaboutit!
My mother instilled in me a certain sense of propriety with regards to dating. One lesson - On a first date, as the man, I should pay. Period.
Now I know this is anti-feminist, but I do still pay for the first date. I expect nothing in return - good date, bad date, I still pay.
Ices or coffee or desert later in date 1 - or - the next date, she can pay if she so chooses. Rather than go dutch, as we date, I prefer to alternate who pays for the date (or I pay. My mom's influence). This is just much less complicated.
I agree w/ Malcolm. I'd pay for the first date. I'm old fashioned that way. Actually, I'd pay for the first date if I was the asker for the date. If I was the askee on the first date, I'd... Well, I'm not sure. I've never *been* asked on a first date. After the first date, though, I'd expect to begin to see offers to pay or help pay; this is the new millennium and there's a very good chance you're making as much or more than I am, and it's not right to take advantage just because you can.
Knock wood, I do make a nice living and don't have a problem picking up the tab from time to time. Maybe it's just out of habit, going out with someone to want to pay my way.
BTW, I'm not going to coronation this weekend. Too much to do at home.
the more I think about it, if he had represented himself as a bit more financialy stable (dress, discussion, manners) I probably wouldn't have offered to pay. but there were signals that made me think that he was on a tight budget, or just cheap.
When I was dating, I always offered to split the check, even if it was just coffee and desert. I used to use the guys reaction to the offer as a guide for how he was feeling about me / the dating potential. If they immediately say yes, it's probably a first and last date. If they hesitate, they're still not sure. And if they turn down the offer and pay themselves they are usually pretty interested in at least a second date.
I have discovered this isn't foolproof. Sometimes for just coffee and dessert they will pay anyway to be polite (since it's usually under $10). And occasionally you will get someone who just has it so ingrained that the man pays they will no matter what. But most of the time the above scale works though.
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Brick never, ever let me pay for a meal in a restaurant the whole time we were dating. But I could go out and get groceries and make dinner at home for us, that was apparently not nearly as emasculating/insulting. *puzzle*
I'm gonna bookmark this entry and see what the guys say, cause I totally don't get it either.
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The guy offering to pay the check is still "traditional", and in truth I would shy away from anyone who feels threatened in some way by your offer to share the dinner bill.
Better yet, as I am over 40 and been married once I've decided that High School Rules no longer apply. :-D
In other words, *before* the date, just ask if he minds sharing the date expenses. Someone you'd want to date will likely say OK or offer to split the evening's costs. Not that I'm much for litmus tests, but be direct.
And if the guy is scared away cuz you're towering over him, fuggedaboutit!
Reply
My mother instilled in me a certain sense of propriety with regards to dating. One lesson - On a first date, as the man, I should pay. Period.
Now I know this is anti-feminist, but I do still pay for the first date. I expect nothing in return - good date, bad date, I still pay.
Ices or coffee or desert later in date 1 - or - the next date, she can pay if she so chooses. Rather than go dutch, as we date, I prefer to alternate who pays for the date (or I pay. My mom's influence). This is just much less complicated.
Reply
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BTW, I'm not going to coronation this weekend. Too much to do at home.
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I have discovered this isn't foolproof. Sometimes for just coffee and dessert they will pay anyway to be polite (since it's usually under $10). And occasionally you will get someone who just has it so ingrained that the man pays they will no matter what. But most of the time the above scale works though.
Reply
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