It Happens, Chapter Five (complete)
Title: It Happens, Chapter Five
Author: domfangirl
Starring: Sara Scofield, Lincoln Burrows and Michael Scofield Junior
Category: Multi-chapter
Rating: PG
Summary: Where there's sparks, there could be fire, you know.
Author's Notes: I just had a thought. No disrespect to Michael's memory, it's been six years by the timeline I use. Sara is only human. This story picks up with the inference that Michael and Sara married before he died, but does not take into account any of the *leaked* storyline for the straight-to-DVD movie. I don't intend to ever watch that, thus it will never be part of my canon. Chapter One / Chapter Two / Chapter Three / Chapter Four
Additional A/N: I always intended the title of the story to make its way into the dialogue, but I didn't know Lincoln would end up saying it. Writing is always an adventure!
11 months later...
Sara awoke abruptly, and then lay very still trying to determine what had woken her. She decided after a moment it was the absolute silence in the house, so she rolled over and looked at her alarm clock. It wasn't even 7am yet.
Rolling back over, she punched Paul's pillow and wished, not for the first time in the last 24 hours, that he were there, where he belonged. Normally, this was the weekend he made it down-always when Mikey went to Linc and Sofia's, he was there, and over the last couple of months he'd even managed to make it down during the middle of the week so he would be there for a couple of days before she took Mikey out to Lincoln's beachside place. But he was always there when her son was not, and she had grown accustomed to that.
She'd grown accustomed to him.
And she missed him all the time he was gone, not just when he wasn't there and her son happened to be absent as well.
The first time he'd suggested that he come early to meet Michael, she'd been as nervous as she had been excited. She needn't have worried a bit because her son loved him, as he loved everyone, and Paul had made a special effort to be interested in everything Mikey said, and they had even played on the X-Box for Michael's one-hour-a-day allotment. Paul hardly knew what an X-Box was, so Michael had easily beaten him, which made him like Paul even more just for pity's sake. At one point she'd watched her 6-1/2 year old son throw a game she knew he'd beaten 10 times over just to make the adult in the room feel better about himself.
Boy, did she love her little man.
And as much as it pained her to admit, she loved her big man too. It worried her, not because she regretted falling in love again, but because she knew at some point they would have to make some sort of permanent arrangement and Lincoln would have to know. They couldn't keep playing weekend lovers. It had become increasingly difficult to be apart, and now when they did have time together, the voraciousness of their couplings had nothing to do with it being new; instead it was like they were trying to store up like chipmunks until the hibernation period would end and they'd be back to eating like normal mammals.
This process usually left her exhausted on Monday mornings after his weekend visits, and then she would spend the entire week making pro and con lists in her head about why she should ask him to stay, permanently.
The biggest con was Lincoln Burrows, and that wasn't because he'd once been incarcerated for an infamous crime. Lincoln was literally the biggest con; he was also the tallest, beefiest, meanest, kick-your-ass capable, and most likely to pass judgment upon her that she could not live with, and these things scared her like nothing before in her life. Often, when she thought upon it too much, she felt as if she were flashing back to her high school years when trying to gain her father's approval was something she still thought she could achieve.
She had been through survivor’s guilt, and widow’s guilt, and mother’s guilt, and there had been a moment when it all dissipated, and she embraced that living her life and being happy did not mean cutting herself off from the pleasures other people enjoyed, whether it be sex or companionship, and especially love. The mad love of romance, the type that burned her up and filled her with optimism and made her whisk her fingers gently over his eyelashes as he lay in bed next to her because they were so fluffy and attractive, and of all the things she loved about him, that was what she loved most. At least when she categorized his attractive features. She also loved his intelligence, and the in depth conversations they had about politics and religion, and all the other things you weren’t supposed to be able to talk about with people calmly.
They never fought. Not to say that they didn’t disagree, but Paul had the ability to defuse any situation, and he did with her all the time. He just didn’t like to fight, so he wouldn’t. Sara learned, after months of his use of the same evading tactics that allowed them to patiently discuss, and usually come to some sort of compromise, that she liked it too. She liked the serenity that had come into her life. Which was its own kind of irony when she thought of meeting him at an AA meeting so long ago.
She'd prepared several speeches to explain her position to Lincoln, and most of those speeches included a paragraph about how it really wasn't any of his business who she slept with, or chose to build a life with, and how Michael had been dead for 7 years, and she'd lived like a nun long enough. Ultimately all these speeches were tossed out because she knew Lincoln didn't begrudge her any of that, and he would most likely agree with her on all points. He was really a very reasonable person.
But when she got to the part about Paul Kellerman being the guy, everything else sort of evaporated. Her arguments, her explanations, her courage. The end of the line included someone they had once purposely ditched because, well, he'd tried to kill them both. He'd been a turncoat. He'd been the one who put Lincoln on death row to begin with, though it had neither been his brainchild nor his fault that it didn't happen. Lincoln had been a means to an end for Paul, but it was only Sara's freedom that had garnered her brother-in-law's. Paul had been responsible for Lincoln's exoneration, but it had come too late to make much difference in what the brothers had had to endure, and accomplish to take their lives back. In Sara's estimation, it didn't carry much weight, and so she figured it wouldn’t carry any weight with Lincoln.
She punched Paul's pillow-the one he slept on when he was there, and the one she cuddled with when he was not-as if those mediocre blows might produce some train of thought she had not yet ridden.
She drifted back to sleep somewhere in the middle of that, because it was Sunday and her son would not be home until the early afternoon, and she had nothing else planned. Sleeping in had been her on her schedule, and one way or another, she would get her Paul fix. Dreaming about him seemed her best bet.
*
Sara heard Lincoln's truck pull up outside, and she went out to meet him and Mikey as they climbed out. Her son ran to her with enthusiasm, wrapping his arms around her neck as she bent to him. She lifted him up, and as she did so she realized he was getting too big for this sort of thing. Her baby wasn't a baby anymore and trying to hold him, with his gangly arms around her throat and his equally long legs snaking at her waist, would not be feasible for much longer. She patted his back and said, "Hi, honey."
"Mom, mom!" he said, brimming with excitement. "Guess what? Uncle Linc gave me my very own surf board! Him and LJ are gonna teach me how! Isn't that awesome!?"
Sara lifted her gaze to her brother-in-law's as he came around his truck and started across their small yard to greet her on the porch steps. "That is great," she replied. "Although, maybe Mom should have known about it ahead of time?"
Lincoln's eyebrows lifted in practiced innocence. "Easier to ask forgiveness than permission," he said, fighting a smile.
Sara set her son down and his serious, colorful eyes fastened on her face. "It's okay, isn't it, Mom? I promise to be very careful! And right now, I can't even stand up on it, so I'm not very good. And if I only get to practice once a month, I probably won't get very good very fast. But if you think--"
Sara cut him off, because the brilliant mind of her husband had definitely transfered to her son's DNA, and they might be there all day as he explained the logistics of picking up a new hobby. "No, Mikey, as long as you're careful, and listen to everything Uncle Linc and LJ say, I"m sure it will be fine. And I bet you'll pick it up faster than you think."
She brushed her hand over his cheek, watching his beautiful face as he smiled. Every day that he aged, he looked more and more like his father, so much so that if Sara didn't remember the 12 hours of labor she'd gone through, she wouldn't even know that she was his mother. He whirled around to look at Lincoln, who had moved closer to them, but still hung back a little, perhaps afraid Sara might smack him. "See, Uncle Linc? I told you she'd be cool about it!"
Michael grabbed his duffle bag out of Lincoln's hand and went into the house. Sara knew he'd be a few minutes, because he liked to unpack as soon as he arrived home. As she weighed the options of lecturing Lincoln on child safety, he stepped closer to her and wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tightly.
Caught off guard, though they were affectionate often, Sara's hands clutched at his shoulders and she laughed nervously. "What's that for?" she asked as he let her go.
"For being you," he said, his voice rough like he was choking on some sort of emotion.
She watched him suspiciously. "What's up with you?" she asked, feeling a weight settle on her chest. She hoped nothing was wrong with Sofia, or the girls.
Lincoln hesitated, and she wasn't sure if it was because he couldn't decide what to say, or if he was still getting control of his emotions. "Mikey said you have a boyfriend," he finally said.
Sara froze, not exactly surprised, but still totally unprepared. She hadn't sworn her son to secrecy, because she figured if she didn't make a big deal about it, he might not even think to mention it to the rest of their family. She had called Paul her friend, not her boyfriend purposely, because being seven and being in the second grade, Michael was very familiar with the pairing off of boys and girls already, though he still viewed it as grosteque when his female classmates tried to kiss him on the cheek. That sort of behavior was only okay from his mother, his auntie and his little cousins, as far as he was concerned.
"He did, did he?" she asked, trying to buy more time. She wasn't ready to have this conversation yet. She hadn't even given Paul any warning that she would be telling Lincoln.
"Yeah, Sare," Lincoln said with a thread of sarcasm in his tone. "He said a nice man had come to visit you a couple of times, and that he really likes him--and that he sucks on the X-Box apparently. And he said, he thinks you really like him." Lincoln paused again, watching her face intently. "And I just wanted to make sure that you weren't keeping it a secret from me, for any reason. I hope you know I want you to be happy, and if you've met someone...I think that's great. And I think Mike would--no, I know, Mike would be glad too. He wouldn't want you to be alone."
Sara couldn't help the tears that pricked her eyes and she shifted away, turning back to the front door and pulling it shut so that Michael couldn't overhear the conversation. She sniffed, and ran her fingers under her eyes. "Thank you, Lincoln. I do know that, but I still appreciate you saying it." When she turned back to face him, his expression was so tender it made more tears well in her eyes. She loved Lincoln as fiercely as any sister could love their brother, and she knew he loved her too, but it wasn't like they sat around talking about those feelings often. Combining the power of those emotions with thoughts of her dead husband was a surefire way to start a crying jag, and she desperately did not want that to happen. She reached out to him, and was immediately engulfed in his bear-like embrace again. He held her tightly and they both shed tears, and Sara wished this was where it could end. She wished she could just kiss his cheek and then promise to bring her boyfriend up in a couple of weeks for dinner so they could all meet him, but she knew she couldn't do that. If they were having this moment, it was time to tell him everything, even though it might create a rift so vast everything would change between them forever.
She got control of herself and slowly eased back from him. She resisted the urge to pat his cheek like he too were a small boy. She knew that what she was about to say would bring out the portion of Lincoln that didn't emerge often but had garnered him the nickname in prison of Linc the Sink. Folding her arms over her chest protectively, she gestured at the front step and sat down, waiting for him to join her.
He did and one of his big hands spread out over her back, rubbing briskly. "I'm glad you've found someone, Sare. You've been alone a long time."
Sara leaned forward on her legs, the step beneath her bottom only slightly above one under her feet, giving her the ability to sink in on herself. She didn't want him touching her while she told him, and he seemed to pick up on that, because he removed his hand from her back and then his arms rested loosely between his spread knees as he sat next to her. "I have to tell you something," she said, unable to help the grave tone out of her voice. "So I'm just going to say it, and get it over with, okay?"
She looked at him out of the corner of her eye and he nodded.
"About a year ago, I had a visitor. Someone from, you know, the days of The Company, and Scylla. He came just to check on me, and Mikey. It was sort of odd, but as I talked to him, I found out that he really just wanted to make sure we were okay. He had a lot of guilt from everything that happened, as you can imagine."
Lincoln made a sound of agreement, but continued to listen patiently.
"He was someone I knew, you know. I mean, he wasn't a stranger. And I think maybe there was a certain level of comfort there, because I knew him. But I didn't know him, either. I don't know if this makes any sense to anyone except me, well, and probably him, but that's how I felt at the time. I felt comfortable with him. I needed that, I think, to make that step forward, to realize that it was okay to want, and need, and even love again." She stopped talking when tears started to clog her throat. She looked at Lincoln again, whose blue eyes were trained on her face and his look of compassion just seemed to pluck more strongly at the emotions coursing through her. She glanced away as she confessed, "And I wanted him. I wanted him, and so I let things happen between us. But only when Michael wasn't here. But after a while, it changed. I think I knew from the beginning it could be the real thing, but I kept my opt-out clause front and center by never letting him meet Michael. But things progressed, and I came to know I didn't want to opt-out. And then he suggested he meet Michael, and as Mikey told you, they got on great. And so I started to feel more certain."
She took a deep breath. "There's only one thing holding me back, now, Linc. And it's this right here. Telling you this is so hard, I--well, I can't even look at you. Even though you're the most supportive, good friend and brother-in-law a girl could ask for, I don't know if I can ask this of you. But at the same time, I don't know if I can not be with him, now that I've let him into my life so fully."
She needed to say his name still, which had been the whole point of her speech, but she just couldn't make herself do it.
"You really love him, don't you?" Lincoln asked.
She still didn't look at him, but she nodded her head vigorously. "I do, I love him with my whole heart. I love him because of how I loved Michael, and how brief that was, but how intense and wonderful, and real it was. This is similar. There are differences, because no two people are the same, but I know it's made to last because I still love your brother even though I haven't been with him in seven years. I'll still love Paul in seven years, even if I never see him again."
As soon as his name popped out, she covered her mouth with a hand, and the tears started again. She hadn't meant to say it, not like that.
She felt the air change around them, but she still couldn't bear to look at Lincoln. Then his arm encircled her and her head was on his chest and he rocked her like she was a child. "You do know how smart your kid is, don't you? He told me it was Paul Kellerman. I pretty much figured you didn't enter into anything lightly. Now I know for sure. Shhhhh," he whispered into the top of her head. "Nothing can change how I feel about you, babe. You're my brother's wife, and my nephew's mother. You can't do anything to get rid of me, you got it?"
Sara's sobbing got harder before it got lighter, only because her amazement at his reaction caught her by surprise, even more so than his initiating of this conversation. "You don't think it's insanity that I've fallen in love with the man who framed you for murder?" she asked, lifting her head to look into his face while she swiped at the tears on her face with the sleeves of her t-shirt.
"Hey, it happens," he quipped, a big grin lighting up his expression. Sara started laughing, only because running the gamut of emotion in such a short amount of time left her no other option.
Mikey came out on to the porch a moment later to find his mother and his uncle laughing hysterically and hugging and kissing one another in a very public display of affection. "Hey," he said, a puzzled frown wrinking his brow. "Is Uncle Linc your boyfriend now?"
Sara just laughed harder, but then grabbed her son around the waist and dragged him into her lap. "No, silly boy," she said, transferring her kisses to his sweet cheeks. "Uncle Linc is Auntie Sofia's boyfriend, Paul is my boyfriend, remember? You're not much of a secret keeper, Mikey."
Michael's eyes widened and he looked at his uncle and then back at his mother worriedly. "It was a secret?" he asked, clearly horrified that he'd blown it.
Sara hugged her son tightly. "No," she said, with no regret. "It's not a secret." And she couldn't wait to call Paul and tell him.
THE END
Author: domfangirl
Starring: Sara Scofield, Lincoln Burrows and Michael Scofield Junior
Category: Multi-chapter
Rating: PG
Summary: Where there's sparks, there could be fire, you know.
Author's Notes: I just had a thought. No disrespect to Michael's memory, it's been six years by the timeline I use. Sara is only human. This story picks up with the inference that Michael and Sara married before he died, but does not take into account any of the *leaked* storyline for the straight-to-DVD movie. I don't intend to ever watch that, thus it will never be part of my canon. Chapter One / Chapter Two / Chapter Three / Chapter Four
Additional A/N: I always intended the title of the story to make its way into the dialogue, but I didn't know Lincoln would end up saying it. Writing is always an adventure!
11 months later...
Sara awoke abruptly, and then lay very still trying to determine what had woken her. She decided after a moment it was the absolute silence in the house, so she rolled over and looked at her alarm clock. It wasn't even 7am yet.
Rolling back over, she punched Paul's pillow and wished, not for the first time in the last 24 hours, that he were there, where he belonged. Normally, this was the weekend he made it down-always when Mikey went to Linc and Sofia's, he was there, and over the last couple of months he'd even managed to make it down during the middle of the week so he would be there for a couple of days before she took Mikey out to Lincoln's beachside place. But he was always there when her son was not, and she had grown accustomed to that.
She'd grown accustomed to him.
And she missed him all the time he was gone, not just when he wasn't there and her son happened to be absent as well.
The first time he'd suggested that he come early to meet Michael, she'd been as nervous as she had been excited. She needn't have worried a bit because her son loved him, as he loved everyone, and Paul had made a special effort to be interested in everything Mikey said, and they had even played on the X-Box for Michael's one-hour-a-day allotment. Paul hardly knew what an X-Box was, so Michael had easily beaten him, which made him like Paul even more just for pity's sake. At one point she'd watched her 6-1/2 year old son throw a game she knew he'd beaten 10 times over just to make the adult in the room feel better about himself.
Boy, did she love her little man.
And as much as it pained her to admit, she loved her big man too. It worried her, not because she regretted falling in love again, but because she knew at some point they would have to make some sort of permanent arrangement and Lincoln would have to know. They couldn't keep playing weekend lovers. It had become increasingly difficult to be apart, and now when they did have time together, the voraciousness of their couplings had nothing to do with it being new; instead it was like they were trying to store up like chipmunks until the hibernation period would end and they'd be back to eating like normal mammals.
This process usually left her exhausted on Monday mornings after his weekend visits, and then she would spend the entire week making pro and con lists in her head about why she should ask him to stay, permanently.
The biggest con was Lincoln Burrows, and that wasn't because he'd once been incarcerated for an infamous crime. Lincoln was literally the biggest con; he was also the tallest, beefiest, meanest, kick-your-ass capable, and most likely to pass judgment upon her that she could not live with, and these things scared her like nothing before in her life. Often, when she thought upon it too much, she felt as if she were flashing back to her high school years when trying to gain her father's approval was something she still thought she could achieve.
She had been through survivor’s guilt, and widow’s guilt, and mother’s guilt, and there had been a moment when it all dissipated, and she embraced that living her life and being happy did not mean cutting herself off from the pleasures other people enjoyed, whether it be sex or companionship, and especially love. The mad love of romance, the type that burned her up and filled her with optimism and made her whisk her fingers gently over his eyelashes as he lay in bed next to her because they were so fluffy and attractive, and of all the things she loved about him, that was what she loved most. At least when she categorized his attractive features. She also loved his intelligence, and the in depth conversations they had about politics and religion, and all the other things you weren’t supposed to be able to talk about with people calmly.
They never fought. Not to say that they didn’t disagree, but Paul had the ability to defuse any situation, and he did with her all the time. He just didn’t like to fight, so he wouldn’t. Sara learned, after months of his use of the same evading tactics that allowed them to patiently discuss, and usually come to some sort of compromise, that she liked it too. She liked the serenity that had come into her life. Which was its own kind of irony when she thought of meeting him at an AA meeting so long ago.
She'd prepared several speeches to explain her position to Lincoln, and most of those speeches included a paragraph about how it really wasn't any of his business who she slept with, or chose to build a life with, and how Michael had been dead for 7 years, and she'd lived like a nun long enough. Ultimately all these speeches were tossed out because she knew Lincoln didn't begrudge her any of that, and he would most likely agree with her on all points. He was really a very reasonable person.
But when she got to the part about Paul Kellerman being the guy, everything else sort of evaporated. Her arguments, her explanations, her courage. The end of the line included someone they had once purposely ditched because, well, he'd tried to kill them both. He'd been a turncoat. He'd been the one who put Lincoln on death row to begin with, though it had neither been his brainchild nor his fault that it didn't happen. Lincoln had been a means to an end for Paul, but it was only Sara's freedom that had garnered her brother-in-law's. Paul had been responsible for Lincoln's exoneration, but it had come too late to make much difference in what the brothers had had to endure, and accomplish to take their lives back. In Sara's estimation, it didn't carry much weight, and so she figured it wouldn’t carry any weight with Lincoln.
She punched Paul's pillow-the one he slept on when he was there, and the one she cuddled with when he was not-as if those mediocre blows might produce some train of thought she had not yet ridden.
She drifted back to sleep somewhere in the middle of that, because it was Sunday and her son would not be home until the early afternoon, and she had nothing else planned. Sleeping in had been her on her schedule, and one way or another, she would get her Paul fix. Dreaming about him seemed her best bet.
*
Sara heard Lincoln's truck pull up outside, and she went out to meet him and Mikey as they climbed out. Her son ran to her with enthusiasm, wrapping his arms around her neck as she bent to him. She lifted him up, and as she did so she realized he was getting too big for this sort of thing. Her baby wasn't a baby anymore and trying to hold him, with his gangly arms around her throat and his equally long legs snaking at her waist, would not be feasible for much longer. She patted his back and said, "Hi, honey."
"Mom, mom!" he said, brimming with excitement. "Guess what? Uncle Linc gave me my very own surf board! Him and LJ are gonna teach me how! Isn't that awesome!?"
Sara lifted her gaze to her brother-in-law's as he came around his truck and started across their small yard to greet her on the porch steps. "That is great," she replied. "Although, maybe Mom should have known about it ahead of time?"
Lincoln's eyebrows lifted in practiced innocence. "Easier to ask forgiveness than permission," he said, fighting a smile.
Sara set her son down and his serious, colorful eyes fastened on her face. "It's okay, isn't it, Mom? I promise to be very careful! And right now, I can't even stand up on it, so I'm not very good. And if I only get to practice once a month, I probably won't get very good very fast. But if you think--"
Sara cut him off, because the brilliant mind of her husband had definitely transfered to her son's DNA, and they might be there all day as he explained the logistics of picking up a new hobby. "No, Mikey, as long as you're careful, and listen to everything Uncle Linc and LJ say, I"m sure it will be fine. And I bet you'll pick it up faster than you think."
She brushed her hand over his cheek, watching his beautiful face as he smiled. Every day that he aged, he looked more and more like his father, so much so that if Sara didn't remember the 12 hours of labor she'd gone through, she wouldn't even know that she was his mother. He whirled around to look at Lincoln, who had moved closer to them, but still hung back a little, perhaps afraid Sara might smack him. "See, Uncle Linc? I told you she'd be cool about it!"
Michael grabbed his duffle bag out of Lincoln's hand and went into the house. Sara knew he'd be a few minutes, because he liked to unpack as soon as he arrived home. As she weighed the options of lecturing Lincoln on child safety, he stepped closer to her and wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tightly.
Caught off guard, though they were affectionate often, Sara's hands clutched at his shoulders and she laughed nervously. "What's that for?" she asked as he let her go.
"For being you," he said, his voice rough like he was choking on some sort of emotion.
She watched him suspiciously. "What's up with you?" she asked, feeling a weight settle on her chest. She hoped nothing was wrong with Sofia, or the girls.
Lincoln hesitated, and she wasn't sure if it was because he couldn't decide what to say, or if he was still getting control of his emotions. "Mikey said you have a boyfriend," he finally said.
Sara froze, not exactly surprised, but still totally unprepared. She hadn't sworn her son to secrecy, because she figured if she didn't make a big deal about it, he might not even think to mention it to the rest of their family. She had called Paul her friend, not her boyfriend purposely, because being seven and being in the second grade, Michael was very familiar with the pairing off of boys and girls already, though he still viewed it as grosteque when his female classmates tried to kiss him on the cheek. That sort of behavior was only okay from his mother, his auntie and his little cousins, as far as he was concerned.
"He did, did he?" she asked, trying to buy more time. She wasn't ready to have this conversation yet. She hadn't even given Paul any warning that she would be telling Lincoln.
"Yeah, Sare," Lincoln said with a thread of sarcasm in his tone. "He said a nice man had come to visit you a couple of times, and that he really likes him--and that he sucks on the X-Box apparently. And he said, he thinks you really like him." Lincoln paused again, watching her face intently. "And I just wanted to make sure that you weren't keeping it a secret from me, for any reason. I hope you know I want you to be happy, and if you've met someone...I think that's great. And I think Mike would--no, I know, Mike would be glad too. He wouldn't want you to be alone."
Sara couldn't help the tears that pricked her eyes and she shifted away, turning back to the front door and pulling it shut so that Michael couldn't overhear the conversation. She sniffed, and ran her fingers under her eyes. "Thank you, Lincoln. I do know that, but I still appreciate you saying it." When she turned back to face him, his expression was so tender it made more tears well in her eyes. She loved Lincoln as fiercely as any sister could love their brother, and she knew he loved her too, but it wasn't like they sat around talking about those feelings often. Combining the power of those emotions with thoughts of her dead husband was a surefire way to start a crying jag, and she desperately did not want that to happen. She reached out to him, and was immediately engulfed in his bear-like embrace again. He held her tightly and they both shed tears, and Sara wished this was where it could end. She wished she could just kiss his cheek and then promise to bring her boyfriend up in a couple of weeks for dinner so they could all meet him, but she knew she couldn't do that. If they were having this moment, it was time to tell him everything, even though it might create a rift so vast everything would change between them forever.
She got control of herself and slowly eased back from him. She resisted the urge to pat his cheek like he too were a small boy. She knew that what she was about to say would bring out the portion of Lincoln that didn't emerge often but had garnered him the nickname in prison of Linc the Sink. Folding her arms over her chest protectively, she gestured at the front step and sat down, waiting for him to join her.
He did and one of his big hands spread out over her back, rubbing briskly. "I'm glad you've found someone, Sare. You've been alone a long time."
Sara leaned forward on her legs, the step beneath her bottom only slightly above one under her feet, giving her the ability to sink in on herself. She didn't want him touching her while she told him, and he seemed to pick up on that, because he removed his hand from her back and then his arms rested loosely between his spread knees as he sat next to her. "I have to tell you something," she said, unable to help the grave tone out of her voice. "So I'm just going to say it, and get it over with, okay?"
She looked at him out of the corner of her eye and he nodded.
"About a year ago, I had a visitor. Someone from, you know, the days of The Company, and Scylla. He came just to check on me, and Mikey. It was sort of odd, but as I talked to him, I found out that he really just wanted to make sure we were okay. He had a lot of guilt from everything that happened, as you can imagine."
Lincoln made a sound of agreement, but continued to listen patiently.
"He was someone I knew, you know. I mean, he wasn't a stranger. And I think maybe there was a certain level of comfort there, because I knew him. But I didn't know him, either. I don't know if this makes any sense to anyone except me, well, and probably him, but that's how I felt at the time. I felt comfortable with him. I needed that, I think, to make that step forward, to realize that it was okay to want, and need, and even love again." She stopped talking when tears started to clog her throat. She looked at Lincoln again, whose blue eyes were trained on her face and his look of compassion just seemed to pluck more strongly at the emotions coursing through her. She glanced away as she confessed, "And I wanted him. I wanted him, and so I let things happen between us. But only when Michael wasn't here. But after a while, it changed. I think I knew from the beginning it could be the real thing, but I kept my opt-out clause front and center by never letting him meet Michael. But things progressed, and I came to know I didn't want to opt-out. And then he suggested he meet Michael, and as Mikey told you, they got on great. And so I started to feel more certain."
She took a deep breath. "There's only one thing holding me back, now, Linc. And it's this right here. Telling you this is so hard, I--well, I can't even look at you. Even though you're the most supportive, good friend and brother-in-law a girl could ask for, I don't know if I can ask this of you. But at the same time, I don't know if I can not be with him, now that I've let him into my life so fully."
She needed to say his name still, which had been the whole point of her speech, but she just couldn't make herself do it.
"You really love him, don't you?" Lincoln asked.
She still didn't look at him, but she nodded her head vigorously. "I do, I love him with my whole heart. I love him because of how I loved Michael, and how brief that was, but how intense and wonderful, and real it was. This is similar. There are differences, because no two people are the same, but I know it's made to last because I still love your brother even though I haven't been with him in seven years. I'll still love Paul in seven years, even if I never see him again."
As soon as his name popped out, she covered her mouth with a hand, and the tears started again. She hadn't meant to say it, not like that.
She felt the air change around them, but she still couldn't bear to look at Lincoln. Then his arm encircled her and her head was on his chest and he rocked her like she was a child. "You do know how smart your kid is, don't you? He told me it was Paul Kellerman. I pretty much figured you didn't enter into anything lightly. Now I know for sure. Shhhhh," he whispered into the top of her head. "Nothing can change how I feel about you, babe. You're my brother's wife, and my nephew's mother. You can't do anything to get rid of me, you got it?"
Sara's sobbing got harder before it got lighter, only because her amazement at his reaction caught her by surprise, even more so than his initiating of this conversation. "You don't think it's insanity that I've fallen in love with the man who framed you for murder?" she asked, lifting her head to look into his face while she swiped at the tears on her face with the sleeves of her t-shirt.
"Hey, it happens," he quipped, a big grin lighting up his expression. Sara started laughing, only because running the gamut of emotion in such a short amount of time left her no other option.
Mikey came out on to the porch a moment later to find his mother and his uncle laughing hysterically and hugging and kissing one another in a very public display of affection. "Hey," he said, a puzzled frown wrinking his brow. "Is Uncle Linc your boyfriend now?"
Sara just laughed harder, but then grabbed her son around the waist and dragged him into her lap. "No, silly boy," she said, transferring her kisses to his sweet cheeks. "Uncle Linc is Auntie Sofia's boyfriend, Paul is my boyfriend, remember? You're not much of a secret keeper, Mikey."
Michael's eyes widened and he looked at his uncle and then back at his mother worriedly. "It was a secret?" he asked, clearly horrified that he'd blown it.
Sara hugged her son tightly. "No," she said, with no regret. "It's not a secret." And she couldn't wait to call Paul and tell him.
THE END