Wheeling Fugitives
Perhaps you recall this section from Arlo Guthrie's long song/story Alice's Restaurant:
...And the meanest, ugliest, nastiest one, the meanest father raper of them all, was coming over to me and he was mean 'n' ugly 'n' nasty 'n' horrible and all kind of things and he sat down next to me and said, "Kid, whad'ya get?"
I said, "I didn't get nothing, I had to pay $50 and pick up the garbage."
He said, "What were you arrested for, kid?"
And I said, "Littering." And they all moved away from me on the bench there, and the hairy eyeball and all kinds of mean nasty things, till I said, "And creating a nuisance." And they all came back...
Last weekend Pearl and I had a run-in with the law while we were driving in Wheeling, West Virginia. We were staying at Oglebay Resort and, due to weather, all the attractions at the resort were closed. So we decided to visit some artsy places downtown. The roads were icy but if we drove slowly they were manageable.
A bigger problem came when we tried to find a place to park. As with most cities, there were lots of one way streets and most of the lots we saw had various restrictions attached to them. Plus we were too cheap to want to pay for a parking spot if there was any chance of finding a free one. The map we had showed that there was free parking not far from where we wanted to go but we couldn't find it no matter how often we looped around. We circled around the downtown streets a lot!
I guess our slow, swerving search, complete with several stops in the middle of the road was rather suspicious looking. A cop took to following us and eventually pulled us over. I rolled down my window and dug out my license while Pearl got the registration and proof of insurance out of the glove compartment.
I decided to play the hen-pecked I'm-just-driving-where-the-wife-tells-me-to card and let Pearl do all the talking.
"What the hell do you think your doing? Where are you going?"
Pearl leaned over me and said, "We just want to find the Artisan Center but we can't find a place to..."
The cop broke in, "That's fine. But you can't drive haphazard all over town! You almost caused three different accidents today!"
Pearl continued, "This map shows a parking lot but we can't find it anywhere." She was playing the we're-just-lost-tourists-can-you-pleeeease-help-us-officer card.
He was silent for a while as he looked over the papers we'd handed him. Then he handed back my licence, registration and insurance and said, "Let me see that map! I'll sow you where to go, just to get you two off the roads!"
So whad'we get?... we didn't get nothing, we had to get off the road... cause we were creating a nuisance.
We made sure to skirt around downtown Wheeling as we drove home the next day.
Note: No, I'm not a hen-pecked hubby and Pearl is not a helpless tourist, but the act worked and we avoided further trouble.
¡112 días hasta mi viaje a Bolivia!
© 2008 EAH
...And the meanest, ugliest, nastiest one, the meanest father raper of them all, was coming over to me and he was mean 'n' ugly 'n' nasty 'n' horrible and all kind of things and he sat down next to me and said, "Kid, whad'ya get?"
I said, "I didn't get nothing, I had to pay $50 and pick up the garbage."
He said, "What were you arrested for, kid?"
And I said, "Littering." And they all moved away from me on the bench there, and the hairy eyeball and all kinds of mean nasty things, till I said, "And creating a nuisance." And they all came back...
Last weekend Pearl and I had a run-in with the law while we were driving in Wheeling, West Virginia. We were staying at Oglebay Resort and, due to weather, all the attractions at the resort were closed. So we decided to visit some artsy places downtown. The roads were icy but if we drove slowly they were manageable.
A bigger problem came when we tried to find a place to park. As with most cities, there were lots of one way streets and most of the lots we saw had various restrictions attached to them. Plus we were too cheap to want to pay for a parking spot if there was any chance of finding a free one. The map we had showed that there was free parking not far from where we wanted to go but we couldn't find it no matter how often we looped around. We circled around the downtown streets a lot!
I guess our slow, swerving search, complete with several stops in the middle of the road was rather suspicious looking. A cop took to following us and eventually pulled us over. I rolled down my window and dug out my license while Pearl got the registration and proof of insurance out of the glove compartment.
I decided to play the hen-pecked I'm-just-driving-where-the-wife-tells-me-to card and let Pearl do all the talking.
"What the hell do you think your doing? Where are you going?"
Pearl leaned over me and said, "We just want to find the Artisan Center but we can't find a place to..."
The cop broke in, "That's fine. But you can't drive haphazard all over town! You almost caused three different accidents today!"
Pearl continued, "This map shows a parking lot but we can't find it anywhere." She was playing the we're-just-lost-tourists-can-you-pleeeease-help-us-officer card.
He was silent for a while as he looked over the papers we'd handed him. Then he handed back my licence, registration and insurance and said, "Let me see that map! I'll sow you where to go, just to get you two off the roads!"
So whad'we get?... we didn't get nothing, we had to get off the road... cause we were creating a nuisance.
We made sure to skirt around downtown Wheeling as we drove home the next day.
Note: No, I'm not a hen-pecked hubby and Pearl is not a helpless tourist, but the act worked and we avoided further trouble.
¡112 días hasta mi viaje a Bolivia!
© 2008 EAH