It's You 3/19
Title: It's You
Pairings: JaeChun, Jaejoong/Seon Woong (Epik High's Tablo)
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Yoochun loves Jaejoong. Jaejoong loves Seon Woong. Seon Woong is not who he pretends to be. Yoochun is Jaejoong's brother.
Warnings: Incest, Drugs, Violence, (attempted) Rape. Angst.
For dexterka92, who also made the poster ♥
3. You worry me
“Chunnie?”
Yoochun didn’t want to wake up yet and there were two reasons for that.
“Yoochun, wake up.” Jaejoong’s voice sounded a bit amused already, Yoochun fought back a smile and waited.
Waking up sucked, he loved sleeping. But when Jaejoong tried to wake him up there was another reason he didn’t open his eyes, because when Jaejoong lost his patience-
“I said wake up!” A heavy weight landed on his body, knocking he air out of his lungs. Yoochun immediately raised his hands to fend off Jaejoong’s as he tried to tickle him.
Maybe it was childish, but he loved it when they ended up in a giggling pile on the floor. And Jaejoong was really smiling again - Yoochun hadn’t forgotten about last night.
Actually Jaejoong was smiling and his face was really close as they tried to catch their breath, lying next to each other on their backs. His eyes were closed and Yoochun used that opportunity to stare.
Jaejoong was beautiful, Yoochun had to fight the urge to raise a hand and run his fingers over his face.
Jaejoong turned his head to look at him and Yoochun’s breath caught.
“Yah, why is it so difficult for you to wake up?”
In response Yoochun closed his eyes and faked snoring.
Jaejoong laughed and playfully hit his arm. “At least let me tickle you as a punishment. You’re not supposed to fight back!”
Yoochun opened his eyes again. “Why do you always sit on me? Do you have any idea how heavy you are?” He actually liked Jaejoong’s method of waking him, but sometimes he feared that one day he would enjoy it too much.
He loved playing around and it would probably always stay just that, he would never.. try anything, but still, their skin being separated by nothing more than two thin layers of pajama pants felt a bit dangerous.
“You are so missing out on breakfast for that.” Jaejoong stood up.
“You made breakfast?!” Yoochun was completely awake now. Jaejoong smiled and helped him up.
“Mom and dad have left already, do you have any idea why they couldn’t at least wait till breakfast?” They were walking towards the kitchen.
Yoochun had to think for a moment. “Ah, they’re probably trying to make up for leaving early yesterday.” He rolled his eyes.
“Did they come home early? Pity I missed that, I bet you had something good for dinner.”
Yoochun couldn’t really remember dinner itself, he just remembered missing Jaejoong there. He was about to say that Jaejoong didn’t miss anything spectacular when he got that feeling again, yesterday’s feeling that something was wrong.
Jaejoong was staring at the breakfast he made. Yoochun was sure that it would taste amazing and surely Jaejoong knew that too. He loved cooking and if something turned out not quite the way he wanted he just did it again - something that almost never happened.
So why the sad look?
“So,” he started when they were eating, “why did Seon Woong ask you to come over yesterday?”
Bringing this up was self-torture, but he wanted to know what had happened.
Jaejoong’s face broke into a smile, but Yoochun hadn’t missed the short pause before that. “He’s my boyfriend! Of course he wants to see me all the time.”
Yoochun decided not to push it, but he couldn’t help but mumble “I bet he wants to do more than just look at you.” He hadn’t meant to sound bitter and he hoped that Jaejoong had missed it.
Jaejoong looked down and played with his food, Jaejoong never played with food. He prepared it and then ate it, watched other people eat it or both.
“Jae?” shit, Yoochun thought, he did notice and now he’s going to ask if I have something against their relationship.
“Chun, about that,” Jaejoong wasn’t looking at him, “have you ever... no, I know you haven’t... I mean, what would you think of...”
Jaejoong seemed to be struggling to get the words out, Yoochun worried. “Is.. there something wrong?”
Jaejoong shook his head, still looking at his food. Yoochun wasn’t sure if this was a response to his question or that Jaejoong had just decided something.
Finally their eyes met. “Never mind”, Jaejoong said, his smile resurfacing, “finish that, we’re going to be late.”
‘Never mind’, did that mean that Yoochun shouldn’t think about his brother’s strange behaviour again? That he should just forget about it and pay attention to the way their teachers were trying to fry his brain today? Like he could.
Jaejoong was uncertain about something, something was bothering him. That was really the only thing he knew. And this morning it had sounded like he wanted advice.
It was during their last class of the day that he finally came up with an answer, staring at Jaejoong’s back at the other side of the classroom - they weren’t allowed to sit next to each other anymore because they would do everything together.
Could it be that Jaejoong and Seon Woong hadn’t gone all the way yet? Yoochun didn’t want to think about it, he really, really didn’t. But of course Jaejoong would be nervous about his first time and Yoochun felt that he had to be there for him, as a brother.
Now that he’d started thinking about this his mind just wouldn’t stop though. What if Jaejoong wasn’t ready yet and Seon Woong would force him? What if he already had and Jaejoong wanted to tell him, but was afraid of how he’d react?
Yoochun soon lost count of the what ifs and he couldn’t get much more worried and angry and sad at the same time than he was now.
But when the class was finally over and he stood up to... he wasn’t sure what, but do something. Jaejoong had already disappeared.
Yoochun groaned, this meant that Jaejoong was going directly to Seon Woong’s. He would have waited for him so they could walk home together otherwise.
There wasn’t really anything he could do, was there? He contemplated calling and telling Jaejoong that he shouldn’t let anyone talk him into doing anything that he didn’t want, that he shouldn’t forget that.
But the thought sounded ridiculous, he could be completely wrong about this, so he decided against it.
Yoochun felt the same about studying alone as yesterday, but this time he didn’t even hope for Jaejoong to come home early and the test was tomorrow. With a sigh he grabbed his books.
He really hoped that Jaejoong and Seon Woong were studying too.
Just in case he made notes on the problems that he’d somehow, miraculously managed to solve, so Jaejoong could read those if he hadn’t practised himself.
The amount of math he was trying to stuff into his brain gave him a headache, but it still wasn’t enough to keep his mind off.. other things.
When he got hungry he blindly grabbed something from the fridge and ate it, Jaejoong would have said something about that.
He went back to his room and looked through the notes he’d made. Maybe he should redo them. His handwriting wasn’t very good, not that Jaejoong’s was or that he would mind, but making those easier to read would be useful and give him something to do that his brain could handle.
Very slowly he copied them, adding things he’d forgotten before too.
He was halfway done when their mother got home, Yoochun recognised her footsteps. He didn’t go out to greet her and she didn’t come in. Maybe she was tired.
She wasn’t home often, but when she was she would always use that opportunity to call one of them ‘sweetie’ at least once, maybe because it sounded like they were a close family.
About an hour later he heard his father come in.
When he was done he made a neat pile of notes, placed it on Jaejoong’s desk and waited.
It was midnight when he heard the front door open again. Their parents were probably sleeping, it had been silent in the house for a while now.
In the time it took Jaejoong to walk to their room Yoochun thought about what he would say. He wanted Jaejoong to know that they could still talk about absolutely anything - even if it would hurt him, but he wouldn’t mention that.
Jaejoong opened the door to their room. The light was still on and Yoochun was sitting on his bed, looking at him.
He should have made that call. No. He should have been faster and stopped Jae before he could leave the classroom. But most of all he should have punched Seon Woong in the face every time he’d felt the urge.
Jaejoong was pale, not just pale, almost white. And if that wasn’t an indication of his condition, he was actually shaking. Yoochun covered the distance between them in under a second.
“Jae!”
Jaejoong looked tired, really tired this time. He couldn’t even lift his eyes to look at Yoochun, he just stumbled into his arms.
Yoochun would have focused on the feeling of getting to hug Jaejoong, normally, not now. He held his brother close and slowly stroked his back, hoping it would stop the trembling.
“Jae, what happened?”
Jaejoong mumbled something against his chest. When Yoochun grabbed his shoulders and pushed him away a bit so he could talk it turned out that he’d just said: “tired.”
Yoochun was far from satisfied with that answer, but he knew that it would probably be best to get Jaejoong to bed for now.
He helped him change, tuning out the part of his brain that marvelled at exposed creamy skin and the proximity of it.
When Jaejoong was in his bed Yoochun asked: “Do you need anything?”
“W-water”, Jaejoong croaked and Yoochun noticed how dry his throat sounded. He immediately went to get a glass full and he put an arm around Jaejoong’s shoulders to help him drink.
When Jaejoong had had enough - after his second glass - Yoochun slowly lowered him to the bed again.
“Jae”, his voice was almost a whisper now, seeing Jaejoong like this, it hurt and he didn’t even know the cause.. not for sure, he was sure that he wanted to beat the cause up. “What happened?”
Jaejoong shook his head. “Just tired.”
Yoochun wanted to get angry at his brother, his soul mate, for hiding something, from him. But it was impossible to get angry at Jaejoong right now, even more than it already was in general.
Yoochun closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Sleep, tell me about it tomorrow.” He held one of Jaejoong’s still slightly shaking hands in his.
Jaejoong closed his eyes and nodded, within a minute he was asleep.
Yoochun probably woke up from the ache in his neck. It got a lot worse when he tried to move.
He saw that he’d fallen asleep on the floor, his head on Jaejoong’s bed. Not the most comfortable position.
He didn’t worry about himself though and immediately checked up on his brother. Jaejoong was still sleeping, he wasn’t pale anymore, he looked healthy.
As if he could feel Yoochun’s stare Jaejoong opened his eyes.
“Hey”, Yoochun said.
“Hey.” Jaejoong sat up. “Is mom still here?”
“Um..” Yoochun had definitely not expected that question. “I’ll check.”
He only had to open the door to hear sounds from the kitchen, he walked back and sat on the edge of Jaejoong’s bed. “Yes, why?”
Jaejoong let himself fall back onto the mattress. “Can you ask her to call in sick for me?”
Yoochun immediately moved a hand to Jaejoong’s forehead. “Are you sick?”
“A bit.. I think.”
Yoochun nodded, but said: “You don’t have a fever.” Anyone who’d seen the state Jaejoong was in the night before would have believed that he was sick immediately. But Yoochun felt, he felt that whatever had been wrong had worn off already.
You’d say that after years and years of having practically the same thoughts and being able to communicate without using words he would know when Jaejoong was lying. And he wasn’t sure, he could still see Jaejoong’s incredibly pale face in front of him, but he wasn’t convinced that he was telling the truth.
Jaejoong pulled the comforter up to his chin and curled into himself on his side. That way he was facing his alarm and he suddenly said: “You have to leave now if you don’t want to be late.”
Yoochun checked the time and cursed. There was so much he still had to talk to Jaejoong about, but he wasn’t going to fake being sick. Maybe Jaejoong already was and with two doctors as parents there was only so much you could get away with.
He got changed and sprinted to the kitchen to grab something to eat and tell his mother to check up on Jaejoong. Then he ran back to their room.
“Do you want me to buy you something on the way back?”
Jaejoong shook his head and then buried his face in his pillow. Maybe Yoochun was wrong and Jaejoong was sick. He was almost hoping for that, because the thought of Jaejoong lying to him cut through his chest like a knife.
Chapter 4: I don't want you to
Chapter 2: You want me to give in
Chapter 1: You forgot
Pairings: JaeChun, Jaejoong/Seon Woong (Epik High's Tablo)
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Yoochun loves Jaejoong. Jaejoong loves Seon Woong. Seon Woong is not who he pretends to be. Yoochun is Jaejoong's brother.
Warnings: Incest, Drugs, Violence, (attempted) Rape. Angst.
For dexterka92, who also made the poster ♥
3. You worry me
“Chunnie?”
Yoochun didn’t want to wake up yet and there were two reasons for that.
“Yoochun, wake up.” Jaejoong’s voice sounded a bit amused already, Yoochun fought back a smile and waited.
Waking up sucked, he loved sleeping. But when Jaejoong tried to wake him up there was another reason he didn’t open his eyes, because when Jaejoong lost his patience-
“I said wake up!” A heavy weight landed on his body, knocking he air out of his lungs. Yoochun immediately raised his hands to fend off Jaejoong’s as he tried to tickle him.
Maybe it was childish, but he loved it when they ended up in a giggling pile on the floor. And Jaejoong was really smiling again - Yoochun hadn’t forgotten about last night.
Actually Jaejoong was smiling and his face was really close as they tried to catch their breath, lying next to each other on their backs. His eyes were closed and Yoochun used that opportunity to stare.
Jaejoong was beautiful, Yoochun had to fight the urge to raise a hand and run his fingers over his face.
Jaejoong turned his head to look at him and Yoochun’s breath caught.
“Yah, why is it so difficult for you to wake up?”
In response Yoochun closed his eyes and faked snoring.
Jaejoong laughed and playfully hit his arm. “At least let me tickle you as a punishment. You’re not supposed to fight back!”
Yoochun opened his eyes again. “Why do you always sit on me? Do you have any idea how heavy you are?” He actually liked Jaejoong’s method of waking him, but sometimes he feared that one day he would enjoy it too much.
He loved playing around and it would probably always stay just that, he would never.. try anything, but still, their skin being separated by nothing more than two thin layers of pajama pants felt a bit dangerous.
“You are so missing out on breakfast for that.” Jaejoong stood up.
“You made breakfast?!” Yoochun was completely awake now. Jaejoong smiled and helped him up.
“Mom and dad have left already, do you have any idea why they couldn’t at least wait till breakfast?” They were walking towards the kitchen.
Yoochun had to think for a moment. “Ah, they’re probably trying to make up for leaving early yesterday.” He rolled his eyes.
“Did they come home early? Pity I missed that, I bet you had something good for dinner.”
Yoochun couldn’t really remember dinner itself, he just remembered missing Jaejoong there. He was about to say that Jaejoong didn’t miss anything spectacular when he got that feeling again, yesterday’s feeling that something was wrong.
Jaejoong was staring at the breakfast he made. Yoochun was sure that it would taste amazing and surely Jaejoong knew that too. He loved cooking and if something turned out not quite the way he wanted he just did it again - something that almost never happened.
So why the sad look?
“So,” he started when they were eating, “why did Seon Woong ask you to come over yesterday?”
Bringing this up was self-torture, but he wanted to know what had happened.
Jaejoong’s face broke into a smile, but Yoochun hadn’t missed the short pause before that. “He’s my boyfriend! Of course he wants to see me all the time.”
Yoochun decided not to push it, but he couldn’t help but mumble “I bet he wants to do more than just look at you.” He hadn’t meant to sound bitter and he hoped that Jaejoong had missed it.
Jaejoong looked down and played with his food, Jaejoong never played with food. He prepared it and then ate it, watched other people eat it or both.
“Jae?” shit, Yoochun thought, he did notice and now he’s going to ask if I have something against their relationship.
“Chun, about that,” Jaejoong wasn’t looking at him, “have you ever... no, I know you haven’t... I mean, what would you think of...”
Jaejoong seemed to be struggling to get the words out, Yoochun worried. “Is.. there something wrong?”
Jaejoong shook his head, still looking at his food. Yoochun wasn’t sure if this was a response to his question or that Jaejoong had just decided something.
Finally their eyes met. “Never mind”, Jaejoong said, his smile resurfacing, “finish that, we’re going to be late.”
‘Never mind’, did that mean that Yoochun shouldn’t think about his brother’s strange behaviour again? That he should just forget about it and pay attention to the way their teachers were trying to fry his brain today? Like he could.
Jaejoong was uncertain about something, something was bothering him. That was really the only thing he knew. And this morning it had sounded like he wanted advice.
It was during their last class of the day that he finally came up with an answer, staring at Jaejoong’s back at the other side of the classroom - they weren’t allowed to sit next to each other anymore because they would do everything together.
Could it be that Jaejoong and Seon Woong hadn’t gone all the way yet? Yoochun didn’t want to think about it, he really, really didn’t. But of course Jaejoong would be nervous about his first time and Yoochun felt that he had to be there for him, as a brother.
Now that he’d started thinking about this his mind just wouldn’t stop though. What if Jaejoong wasn’t ready yet and Seon Woong would force him? What if he already had and Jaejoong wanted to tell him, but was afraid of how he’d react?
Yoochun soon lost count of the what ifs and he couldn’t get much more worried and angry and sad at the same time than he was now.
But when the class was finally over and he stood up to... he wasn’t sure what, but do something. Jaejoong had already disappeared.
Yoochun groaned, this meant that Jaejoong was going directly to Seon Woong’s. He would have waited for him so they could walk home together otherwise.
There wasn’t really anything he could do, was there? He contemplated calling and telling Jaejoong that he shouldn’t let anyone talk him into doing anything that he didn’t want, that he shouldn’t forget that.
But the thought sounded ridiculous, he could be completely wrong about this, so he decided against it.
Yoochun felt the same about studying alone as yesterday, but this time he didn’t even hope for Jaejoong to come home early and the test was tomorrow. With a sigh he grabbed his books.
He really hoped that Jaejoong and Seon Woong were studying too.
Just in case he made notes on the problems that he’d somehow, miraculously managed to solve, so Jaejoong could read those if he hadn’t practised himself.
The amount of math he was trying to stuff into his brain gave him a headache, but it still wasn’t enough to keep his mind off.. other things.
When he got hungry he blindly grabbed something from the fridge and ate it, Jaejoong would have said something about that.
He went back to his room and looked through the notes he’d made. Maybe he should redo them. His handwriting wasn’t very good, not that Jaejoong’s was or that he would mind, but making those easier to read would be useful and give him something to do that his brain could handle.
Very slowly he copied them, adding things he’d forgotten before too.
He was halfway done when their mother got home, Yoochun recognised her footsteps. He didn’t go out to greet her and she didn’t come in. Maybe she was tired.
She wasn’t home often, but when she was she would always use that opportunity to call one of them ‘sweetie’ at least once, maybe because it sounded like they were a close family.
About an hour later he heard his father come in.
When he was done he made a neat pile of notes, placed it on Jaejoong’s desk and waited.
It was midnight when he heard the front door open again. Their parents were probably sleeping, it had been silent in the house for a while now.
In the time it took Jaejoong to walk to their room Yoochun thought about what he would say. He wanted Jaejoong to know that they could still talk about absolutely anything - even if it would hurt him, but he wouldn’t mention that.
Jaejoong opened the door to their room. The light was still on and Yoochun was sitting on his bed, looking at him.
He should have made that call. No. He should have been faster and stopped Jae before he could leave the classroom. But most of all he should have punched Seon Woong in the face every time he’d felt the urge.
Jaejoong was pale, not just pale, almost white. And if that wasn’t an indication of his condition, he was actually shaking. Yoochun covered the distance between them in under a second.
“Jae!”
Jaejoong looked tired, really tired this time. He couldn’t even lift his eyes to look at Yoochun, he just stumbled into his arms.
Yoochun would have focused on the feeling of getting to hug Jaejoong, normally, not now. He held his brother close and slowly stroked his back, hoping it would stop the trembling.
“Jae, what happened?”
Jaejoong mumbled something against his chest. When Yoochun grabbed his shoulders and pushed him away a bit so he could talk it turned out that he’d just said: “tired.”
Yoochun was far from satisfied with that answer, but he knew that it would probably be best to get Jaejoong to bed for now.
He helped him change, tuning out the part of his brain that marvelled at exposed creamy skin and the proximity of it.
When Jaejoong was in his bed Yoochun asked: “Do you need anything?”
“W-water”, Jaejoong croaked and Yoochun noticed how dry his throat sounded. He immediately went to get a glass full and he put an arm around Jaejoong’s shoulders to help him drink.
When Jaejoong had had enough - after his second glass - Yoochun slowly lowered him to the bed again.
“Jae”, his voice was almost a whisper now, seeing Jaejoong like this, it hurt and he didn’t even know the cause.. not for sure, he was sure that he wanted to beat the cause up. “What happened?”
Jaejoong shook his head. “Just tired.”
Yoochun wanted to get angry at his brother, his soul mate, for hiding something, from him. But it was impossible to get angry at Jaejoong right now, even more than it already was in general.
Yoochun closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Sleep, tell me about it tomorrow.” He held one of Jaejoong’s still slightly shaking hands in his.
Jaejoong closed his eyes and nodded, within a minute he was asleep.
Yoochun probably woke up from the ache in his neck. It got a lot worse when he tried to move.
He saw that he’d fallen asleep on the floor, his head on Jaejoong’s bed. Not the most comfortable position.
He didn’t worry about himself though and immediately checked up on his brother. Jaejoong was still sleeping, he wasn’t pale anymore, he looked healthy.
As if he could feel Yoochun’s stare Jaejoong opened his eyes.
“Hey”, Yoochun said.
“Hey.” Jaejoong sat up. “Is mom still here?”
“Um..” Yoochun had definitely not expected that question. “I’ll check.”
He only had to open the door to hear sounds from the kitchen, he walked back and sat on the edge of Jaejoong’s bed. “Yes, why?”
Jaejoong let himself fall back onto the mattress. “Can you ask her to call in sick for me?”
Yoochun immediately moved a hand to Jaejoong’s forehead. “Are you sick?”
“A bit.. I think.”
Yoochun nodded, but said: “You don’t have a fever.” Anyone who’d seen the state Jaejoong was in the night before would have believed that he was sick immediately. But Yoochun felt, he felt that whatever had been wrong had worn off already.
You’d say that after years and years of having practically the same thoughts and being able to communicate without using words he would know when Jaejoong was lying. And he wasn’t sure, he could still see Jaejoong’s incredibly pale face in front of him, but he wasn’t convinced that he was telling the truth.
Jaejoong pulled the comforter up to his chin and curled into himself on his side. That way he was facing his alarm and he suddenly said: “You have to leave now if you don’t want to be late.”
Yoochun checked the time and cursed. There was so much he still had to talk to Jaejoong about, but he wasn’t going to fake being sick. Maybe Jaejoong already was and with two doctors as parents there was only so much you could get away with.
He got changed and sprinted to the kitchen to grab something to eat and tell his mother to check up on Jaejoong. Then he ran back to their room.
“Do you want me to buy you something on the way back?”
Jaejoong shook his head and then buried his face in his pillow. Maybe Yoochun was wrong and Jaejoong was sick. He was almost hoping for that, because the thought of Jaejoong lying to him cut through his chest like a knife.
Chapter 4: I don't want you to
Chapter 2: You want me to give in
Chapter 1: You forgot