It's You 1/19
Title: It's You
Pairings: JaeChun, Jaejoong/Seon Woong (Epik High's Tablo)
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Yoochun loves Jaejoong. Jaejoong loves Seon Woong. Seon Woong is not who he pretends to be. Yoochun is Jaejoong's brother.
Warnings: Incest, Drugs, Violence, (attempted) Rape. Angst.
For dexterka92, who also made the poster ♥
1. You forgot
When Jaejoong cried, which happened a lot when they were children, Yoochun would hug him, from the moment his little arms knew how to.
When Jaejoong had trouble learning to ride a bike, Yoochun practised with him and set his own pain aside to comfort him when they eventually ended up in a pile on the gravel, the bike on top.
When Jaejoong got bullied because the other children thought he looked like a girl, Yoochun stood up for him and took at least half of the blows when it came to a fight.
When Jaejoong was afraid he’d fail English, Yoochun neglected his own homework to help, causing him to fail math.
When Jaejoong fell in love with Seon Woong... there was nothing Yoochun could do about it.
== == == ==
Jaejoong and Yoochun didn’t look like each other at all. They weren’t identical twins, but sometimes people wondered if they were even brothers.
They were though, twins, and it was visible too, if you knew where to look.
Yoochun had a round face while Jaejoong’s was more pointy, the tip of Jaejoong’s nose pointed down a bit, Yoochun’s up, Jaejoong’s body was slightly curved, Yoochun’s more manly, and like that, they seemed to be each other’s negative, in other features as well, which made them fit together in a way.
The second thing was the feeling you got around them, they seemed to complete each other. People close to them couldn’t deny that when separated, it almost felt like they lost a part of themselves.
And thirdly, the way they thought. Even identical twins don’t necessarily think alike, have the same opinion on everything. But Jaejoong and Yoochun did. They never complained about not having their own identity and being treated accordingly. They shared their identity, like they shared their room, clothes, music and books.
Maybe the only difference was that Jaejoong was slightly better at math and Yoochun at English, but it was a small difference and might have originated in the year that Jaejoong suddenly had that unfounded fear of failing.
So it came as a surprise when Jaejoong fell in love with Seon Woong and Yoochun didn’t and everything changed.
Of course they had talked about how it was impossible or at least immoral to get a relationship with the same person - one time they had joked about how it would have been safer if one of them had been straight. So maybe it was a good thing that their identical minds seemed to make an exception for love, and Jaejoong was happy, ecstatic when Seon Woong confessed and Yoochun said he was happy for him.
But Yoochun... Yoochun didn’t understand, at all. He’d figured that when Jaejoong fell in love, he would at least like the person, because Jaejoong had the same taste. But he didn’t. Seon Woong... there was something about Seon Woong, and Yoochun hated it.
Actually Yoochun had hoped he would like the person of Jaejoong’s choice, and really be happy for them, because there was one other difference between the brothers not mentioned before.
Yoochun’s feelings for Jaejoong - he didn’t remember when he’d noticed, but it was probably when they were about fourteen - exceeded those siblings normally have for each other, even twins. And he knew it was wrong. It didn’t feel wrong, but he knew it should. So he’d hoped that Jaejoong getting a boyfriend would help him get over that.
But Seon Woong... seriously?
Seon Woong was handsome, no one could deny that. And he was rich, but that shouldn’t mean anything.
It did mean that he could give Jaejoong expensive presents, and Jaejoong loved presents - especially the things Yoochun made for him, like the new night stand that went with the colour of his bed. But even Yoochun could see that Seon Woong’s roses and chocolates and jewellery topped that with ease, no matter how much time he’d spent on it or how much Jaejoong wanted their room to look perfect.
Yoochun believed that a person’s eyes were the windows to his soul, and Seon Woong’s windows seemed to be misted over, not literally, but they looked like he was either really really stupid so there was nothing to see in the first place, or hiding something.
His eyes looked nothing like Jaejoong’s, which were big and honest and deep and smart and funny and beautiful, yes, to Yoochun, eyes could tell you all that.
Yoochun had told himself to ignore all feelings of jealousy, but when he saw Seon Woong’s hands slide over Jaejoong’s waist and Seon Woong’s lips move to Jaejoong’s mouth, it felt like something inside him was twisted and cut and broken and burned, all at the same time.
It had happened only once, when Seon Woong came to their house to pick Jaejoong up for a date and Yoochun came after them because Jaejoong had forgotten his wallet. Seon Woong noticed him immediately but only released Jaejoong’s lips a few moments later. Then he laughed at Yoochun and said Jaejoong didn’t have to pay for anything anyway.
Yoochun suspected that he meant ‘because I can buy him whatever he wants, unlike you’ even if that was a ridiculous thought and there was no way Seon Woong could know about his feelings because Seon Woong seemed like the person who didn’t know about anybody’s feelings.
But he’d tried to forget that image, wanting to allow Jaejoong to have a normal relationship. Trying to look at other boys himself he'd found a step too far, so he’d settled for emptying his head and reacting as normal and happy as possible when Jaejoong talked about his perfect dates.
Their parents were both doctors, and they worked late almost every day.
The problem with being a good, ambitious doctor, Jaejoong and Yoochun had decided, was that you wanted to save everyone. And there’s not even enough time to do that in a lifetime, let alone within working hours.
But luckily the twins had each other and had never felt lonely at home. Whether they were just having fun or working hard for school, it was nice to be together...
“Jae? What are you-”
“Do you think I should wear this? It does look a bit like the thing I wore on our last date.”
“... are you going on a date?”
“Not the real fancy thing, he just asked me if I wanted to come over to his place this afternoon.”
“When did he ask?”
“Lunch break. Hey, how long have you been wearing that?”
“I put it on this morning.”
“Gimme. Unless you’ve been sweating a lot.”
Yoochun pulled off his shirt and gave it to Jaejoong.
“Jae...”
“No, I think I’ll go with that one after all.”
“Jae?”
“Hmm?”
“When will you be home?”
“I don’t know, does that matter? Where are my black boots?”
“Under your bed. It matters because-”
“Thanks Chunnie! Okay, I’ll be going now. Tell mom where I am if she does come home early.” Jaejoong rolled his eyes. Their mother always promised to come home early, at least their father had accepted that it was no use trying.
Yoochun flinched as Jaejoong slammed the door shut behind him, and then stared at it.
“-because you promised to help me with math today.”
Sometimes Yoochun couldn’t help but think that Seon Woong was a wedge between them, creating a crack in their strong bond and making it bigger, or a current, pulling Jaejoong away from him, or a knife, stabbing the heart of their relationship.
But no matter how many metaphors he could come up with, and how much they all seemed to fit, he kept telling himself that he was just being an overprotective brother, and that he shouldn’t depend on Jaejoong that much, that it was good for them to have their own lives.
He opened his books, and stared at them.
They had a big test in two days, wasn’t Jae supposed to study too? He doubted that was what he and Seon Woong were doing right now. But thinking about what Seon Woong could be doing to Jaejoong was the thing to avoid.
Yoochun stared at his books some more.
Seeing Jaejoong happy was worth it. Yes, Jaejoong’s happiness was worth everything.
Jaejoong looked happy, he talked a lot more than he used to. Jaejoong and Yoochun had always been calm and quiet. That they hardly needed words to communicate with each other contributed to that. But now Yoochun felt like he was ‘the quiet one’, listening to Jae's excited chatter. There wasn’t supposed to be a ‘quiet one’, they were the same, always.
Yoochun closed his books, he was never going to be able to focus on this. Maybe Jae would be home early and they could still study together for a while.
He sat on the couch and stared at the black television screen. Watching a movie would feel like wasting time he could spend studying, so he just didn’t do anything at all.
When he heard the door open he almost fell flat on his face in the middle of the room in his haste to see if it was Jaejoong.
“Hey sweetie, we’re home early.”
Yoochun groaned. “Mom, stop calling me that, and what happened? Did you get fired for killing off too many people, both of you?”
“Yoochun, don’t talk to your mother like that.”
Yoochun mumbled an apology and turned around. He didn’t want to be rude to his parents, they didn’t have a lot of time for their children, but when they did they were okay... if they weren’t so exhausted they did nothing but sleep.
He’d just expected - wanted - it to be Jaejoong.
“Where’s Jae?”
Yoochun wished that their parents were opposed to Jaejoong having a boyfriend, because then he got to cover up for him and Jaejoong would be grateful. But they hardly cared, his mother had said ‘nice’ and that was about it.
“At Seon Woong’s.”
“Okay. Let’s have dinner together, the three of us.”
Jaejoong would have liked this. Yoochun would have liked this too, they almost never got to eat together like a family. But for it to feel like a family, it had to be ‘the four of us’.
Jaejoong and Yoochun each had a bed on one side of their room. In the past, when they were still afraid of the dark and thunderstorms and monsters in closets, they had occasionally shared one. Those had been the best nights.
Yoochun was now lying on Jaejoong’s bed, face pressed into his pillow, and wondering if something had happened to him, or if he’d decided to... stay the night - 'don’t think about it, don’t think about it' - and forgotten to call.
Jaejoong started to forget things lately, things like, this afternoon they would spend together. Yoochun clenched his fists and resisted the urge to bite down on the pillow. He had to get rid of his frustration now if he wanted to act normal when Jaejoong did come home.
It was almost midnight when Jaejoong opened the door to their room, but Yoochun wasn’t sleeping.
He expected Jaejoong to ask him what he was doing on his bed, but the room stayed silent. Yoochun sat up and turned around.
“Why are you so la-... Jae?”
Jaejoong looked tired, but it felt like there was more to the way his shoulders slumped and his eyes were less sparkly than usual.
To Yoochun there were two ways to read Jaejoong, looking at him, and feeling. Jaejoong had an influence on what Yoochun saw, but Yoochun's feeling was flawless.
“What’s wrong?”
“Tired”, Jaejoong mumbled, he sat down on the bed and stared at the floor.
“What else is wrong?”
Jaejoong sighed and then suddenly straightened up. “Ah, nothing, I was just thinking about that test, I should really study tomorrow.” He smiled. “This evening was nice, we sat together and talked, I think he really loves me.”
They way Jaejoong looked and sounded had changed. But Yoochun’s feeling stayed the same, exactly the same. It made him feel worried.
He didn’t have the heart to remind Jaejoong of his promise. It hurt that he hadn’t remembered himself though, not even after mentioning the test. But they’d just make a new one and everything would be alright.
“Lets study together tomorrow, okay?” He gave Jaejoong an encouraging smile, even though he was the one who struggled the most with this subject.
Jaejoong stood up and started to take off his clothes to get ready for bed, Yoochun watched and forced himself to make it a normal, uninterested look.
“I’m sorry Chunnie, Seon Woong asked me to come over tomorrow too.”
Yoochun’s dislike for Seon Woong grew.
Chapter 2: You want me to give in
Pairings: JaeChun, Jaejoong/Seon Woong (Epik High's Tablo)
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Yoochun loves Jaejoong. Jaejoong loves Seon Woong. Seon Woong is not who he pretends to be. Yoochun is Jaejoong's brother.
Warnings: Incest, Drugs, Violence, (attempted) Rape. Angst.
For dexterka92, who also made the poster ♥
1. You forgot
When Jaejoong cried, which happened a lot when they were children, Yoochun would hug him, from the moment his little arms knew how to.
When Jaejoong had trouble learning to ride a bike, Yoochun practised with him and set his own pain aside to comfort him when they eventually ended up in a pile on the gravel, the bike on top.
When Jaejoong got bullied because the other children thought he looked like a girl, Yoochun stood up for him and took at least half of the blows when it came to a fight.
When Jaejoong was afraid he’d fail English, Yoochun neglected his own homework to help, causing him to fail math.
When Jaejoong fell in love with Seon Woong... there was nothing Yoochun could do about it.
== == == ==
Jaejoong and Yoochun didn’t look like each other at all. They weren’t identical twins, but sometimes people wondered if they were even brothers.
They were though, twins, and it was visible too, if you knew where to look.
Yoochun had a round face while Jaejoong’s was more pointy, the tip of Jaejoong’s nose pointed down a bit, Yoochun’s up, Jaejoong’s body was slightly curved, Yoochun’s more manly, and like that, they seemed to be each other’s negative, in other features as well, which made them fit together in a way.
The second thing was the feeling you got around them, they seemed to complete each other. People close to them couldn’t deny that when separated, it almost felt like they lost a part of themselves.
And thirdly, the way they thought. Even identical twins don’t necessarily think alike, have the same opinion on everything. But Jaejoong and Yoochun did. They never complained about not having their own identity and being treated accordingly. They shared their identity, like they shared their room, clothes, music and books.
Maybe the only difference was that Jaejoong was slightly better at math and Yoochun at English, but it was a small difference and might have originated in the year that Jaejoong suddenly had that unfounded fear of failing.
So it came as a surprise when Jaejoong fell in love with Seon Woong and Yoochun didn’t and everything changed.
Of course they had talked about how it was impossible or at least immoral to get a relationship with the same person - one time they had joked about how it would have been safer if one of them had been straight. So maybe it was a good thing that their identical minds seemed to make an exception for love, and Jaejoong was happy, ecstatic when Seon Woong confessed and Yoochun said he was happy for him.
But Yoochun... Yoochun didn’t understand, at all. He’d figured that when Jaejoong fell in love, he would at least like the person, because Jaejoong had the same taste. But he didn’t. Seon Woong... there was something about Seon Woong, and Yoochun hated it.
Actually Yoochun had hoped he would like the person of Jaejoong’s choice, and really be happy for them, because there was one other difference between the brothers not mentioned before.
Yoochun’s feelings for Jaejoong - he didn’t remember when he’d noticed, but it was probably when they were about fourteen - exceeded those siblings normally have for each other, even twins. And he knew it was wrong. It didn’t feel wrong, but he knew it should. So he’d hoped that Jaejoong getting a boyfriend would help him get over that.
But Seon Woong... seriously?
Seon Woong was handsome, no one could deny that. And he was rich, but that shouldn’t mean anything.
It did mean that he could give Jaejoong expensive presents, and Jaejoong loved presents - especially the things Yoochun made for him, like the new night stand that went with the colour of his bed. But even Yoochun could see that Seon Woong’s roses and chocolates and jewellery topped that with ease, no matter how much time he’d spent on it or how much Jaejoong wanted their room to look perfect.
Yoochun believed that a person’s eyes were the windows to his soul, and Seon Woong’s windows seemed to be misted over, not literally, but they looked like he was either really really stupid so there was nothing to see in the first place, or hiding something.
His eyes looked nothing like Jaejoong’s, which were big and honest and deep and smart and funny and beautiful, yes, to Yoochun, eyes could tell you all that.
Yoochun had told himself to ignore all feelings of jealousy, but when he saw Seon Woong’s hands slide over Jaejoong’s waist and Seon Woong’s lips move to Jaejoong’s mouth, it felt like something inside him was twisted and cut and broken and burned, all at the same time.
It had happened only once, when Seon Woong came to their house to pick Jaejoong up for a date and Yoochun came after them because Jaejoong had forgotten his wallet. Seon Woong noticed him immediately but only released Jaejoong’s lips a few moments later. Then he laughed at Yoochun and said Jaejoong didn’t have to pay for anything anyway.
Yoochun suspected that he meant ‘because I can buy him whatever he wants, unlike you’ even if that was a ridiculous thought and there was no way Seon Woong could know about his feelings because Seon Woong seemed like the person who didn’t know about anybody’s feelings.
But he’d tried to forget that image, wanting to allow Jaejoong to have a normal relationship. Trying to look at other boys himself he'd found a step too far, so he’d settled for emptying his head and reacting as normal and happy as possible when Jaejoong talked about his perfect dates.
Their parents were both doctors, and they worked late almost every day.
The problem with being a good, ambitious doctor, Jaejoong and Yoochun had decided, was that you wanted to save everyone. And there’s not even enough time to do that in a lifetime, let alone within working hours.
But luckily the twins had each other and had never felt lonely at home. Whether they were just having fun or working hard for school, it was nice to be together...
“Jae? What are you-”
“Do you think I should wear this? It does look a bit like the thing I wore on our last date.”
“... are you going on a date?”
“Not the real fancy thing, he just asked me if I wanted to come over to his place this afternoon.”
“When did he ask?”
“Lunch break. Hey, how long have you been wearing that?”
“I put it on this morning.”
“Gimme. Unless you’ve been sweating a lot.”
Yoochun pulled off his shirt and gave it to Jaejoong.
“Jae...”
“No, I think I’ll go with that one after all.”
“Jae?”
“Hmm?”
“When will you be home?”
“I don’t know, does that matter? Where are my black boots?”
“Under your bed. It matters because-”
“Thanks Chunnie! Okay, I’ll be going now. Tell mom where I am if she does come home early.” Jaejoong rolled his eyes. Their mother always promised to come home early, at least their father had accepted that it was no use trying.
Yoochun flinched as Jaejoong slammed the door shut behind him, and then stared at it.
“-because you promised to help me with math today.”
Sometimes Yoochun couldn’t help but think that Seon Woong was a wedge between them, creating a crack in their strong bond and making it bigger, or a current, pulling Jaejoong away from him, or a knife, stabbing the heart of their relationship.
But no matter how many metaphors he could come up with, and how much they all seemed to fit, he kept telling himself that he was just being an overprotective brother, and that he shouldn’t depend on Jaejoong that much, that it was good for them to have their own lives.
He opened his books, and stared at them.
They had a big test in two days, wasn’t Jae supposed to study too? He doubted that was what he and Seon Woong were doing right now. But thinking about what Seon Woong could be doing to Jaejoong was the thing to avoid.
Yoochun stared at his books some more.
Seeing Jaejoong happy was worth it. Yes, Jaejoong’s happiness was worth everything.
Jaejoong looked happy, he talked a lot more than he used to. Jaejoong and Yoochun had always been calm and quiet. That they hardly needed words to communicate with each other contributed to that. But now Yoochun felt like he was ‘the quiet one’, listening to Jae's excited chatter. There wasn’t supposed to be a ‘quiet one’, they were the same, always.
Yoochun closed his books, he was never going to be able to focus on this. Maybe Jae would be home early and they could still study together for a while.
He sat on the couch and stared at the black television screen. Watching a movie would feel like wasting time he could spend studying, so he just didn’t do anything at all.
When he heard the door open he almost fell flat on his face in the middle of the room in his haste to see if it was Jaejoong.
“Hey sweetie, we’re home early.”
Yoochun groaned. “Mom, stop calling me that, and what happened? Did you get fired for killing off too many people, both of you?”
“Yoochun, don’t talk to your mother like that.”
Yoochun mumbled an apology and turned around. He didn’t want to be rude to his parents, they didn’t have a lot of time for their children, but when they did they were okay... if they weren’t so exhausted they did nothing but sleep.
He’d just expected - wanted - it to be Jaejoong.
“Where’s Jae?”
Yoochun wished that their parents were opposed to Jaejoong having a boyfriend, because then he got to cover up for him and Jaejoong would be grateful. But they hardly cared, his mother had said ‘nice’ and that was about it.
“At Seon Woong’s.”
“Okay. Let’s have dinner together, the three of us.”
Jaejoong would have liked this. Yoochun would have liked this too, they almost never got to eat together like a family. But for it to feel like a family, it had to be ‘the four of us’.
Jaejoong and Yoochun each had a bed on one side of their room. In the past, when they were still afraid of the dark and thunderstorms and monsters in closets, they had occasionally shared one. Those had been the best nights.
Yoochun was now lying on Jaejoong’s bed, face pressed into his pillow, and wondering if something had happened to him, or if he’d decided to... stay the night - 'don’t think about it, don’t think about it' - and forgotten to call.
Jaejoong started to forget things lately, things like, this afternoon they would spend together. Yoochun clenched his fists and resisted the urge to bite down on the pillow. He had to get rid of his frustration now if he wanted to act normal when Jaejoong did come home.
It was almost midnight when Jaejoong opened the door to their room, but Yoochun wasn’t sleeping.
He expected Jaejoong to ask him what he was doing on his bed, but the room stayed silent. Yoochun sat up and turned around.
“Why are you so la-... Jae?”
Jaejoong looked tired, but it felt like there was more to the way his shoulders slumped and his eyes were less sparkly than usual.
To Yoochun there were two ways to read Jaejoong, looking at him, and feeling. Jaejoong had an influence on what Yoochun saw, but Yoochun's feeling was flawless.
“What’s wrong?”
“Tired”, Jaejoong mumbled, he sat down on the bed and stared at the floor.
“What else is wrong?”
Jaejoong sighed and then suddenly straightened up. “Ah, nothing, I was just thinking about that test, I should really study tomorrow.” He smiled. “This evening was nice, we sat together and talked, I think he really loves me.”
They way Jaejoong looked and sounded had changed. But Yoochun’s feeling stayed the same, exactly the same. It made him feel worried.
He didn’t have the heart to remind Jaejoong of his promise. It hurt that he hadn’t remembered himself though, not even after mentioning the test. But they’d just make a new one and everything would be alright.
“Lets study together tomorrow, okay?” He gave Jaejoong an encouraging smile, even though he was the one who struggled the most with this subject.
Jaejoong stood up and started to take off his clothes to get ready for bed, Yoochun watched and forced himself to make it a normal, uninterested look.
“I’m sorry Chunnie, Seon Woong asked me to come over tomorrow too.”
Yoochun’s dislike for Seon Woong grew.
Chapter 2: You want me to give in