For musesandlyrics | 1.1 Angelina Jolie Quote
Co-written with notskywalker
1.1. "The fact is I am not having sex. But I feel absolutely ripe for the - what would you say - plucking?"
Angelina Jolie
Leila Jackson leaned against the bar, the straw from her drink in her mouth as she sucked on it. She wasn't using it so much for drinking, as a distraction from other things. Her blue eyes flitted around her surroundings, the contacts making them bluer than usual. She got away with them most of the time, her glasses really only coming out when she was just bumming around home, or wanted a break from shoving stuff into her eye. She hadn't been blessed with the same perfect eyesight her cousins had.
She smiled at a guy who passed, her head tilting with interest as she looked him up and down. He smiled back, clearly thinking he might have an in later. The moment he was gone, she let out a groan and looked at Luke. "Fuck, are there no decent blokes in this place at all? He's a dud lay. He's got that walk."
Luke finished rinsing off some glasses and shoved them in the wrack to be taken out back for washing. He wiped his hand on the bar towel hooked around his belt buckle, curling his wedding ring around his finger to dry the moisture out from under it. He smirked at his cousin. "What walk? You cannot tell a bloke is a fucked fuck from how he walks," he scoffed.
Leila smirked, her eyes narrowing a little as she looked at him. "I can, trust me. It's in the way his arse moves when he walks. That dude's all over the fucking place. He's got an uncoordinated arse." She tapped the bar with a slender finger as she leaned forward. "Ask your wife how your arse moves. I'm telling you it has everything do with how you are in the sack."
"Alright, Miss Fuck Expert. What walk indicates a good lay?" Luke challenged. He leant on the bar, smirking skeptically. "Are you telling me you don't even analyse the package? How long has it been since you got laid?"
"What good is the package if they don't know how to use it?" Leila asked, her eyebrows raising. She put the straw down, and her tongue ran over her teeth as she turned to look at the crowd. The only downside to a bar was not everyone was up and walking around. There was a guy on his way to the bathroom though, and she pointed at him. "See that? Perfectly good walk and he would definitely be a good lay. Too bad he's got a girlfriend. And it's been... I don't fucking know. Since I left London? How long since your last lay, Mr Married and Has Sex on Tap?"
Luke looked at his watch. "Hm, three hours. Give or take. I don't suggest you spend any time hanging around Andy right now. He's getting fucked more than a rabbit orgy." He looked at the guy going to the bathroom. "He looks gay. Most gay guys have the fuck mojo."
Leila looked at her cousin in amusement. "Are you already gagging for it, or does sex not matter anymore? When did Andy turn into such a Lothario?" Leila's gaze flicked back to the guy before he disappeared past the door. "What makes you think he's gay?"
"No, I'm not gagging for it. Believe it or not, I do have some self-control. I survived fine before marriage," Luke reminded her with a snort. "Since he knocked his fiancee up on their romantic holiday Down Under. The hair and the shoes. No straight guy wears shoes like that. Aiden is gay and married, remember? My gaydar has been honed recently."
"Yeah, I think you have a short memory, Lulu. So you like being married, or what? You okay now that it's past the actual wedding day, and everything?" Leila's lips curved into an amused smirk. "Oh yeah, I forgot that. This is what happens when I hardly see him because he's being shagged to death. I'm happy for him." Leila laughed, pushing her blonde hair back from her face. "Hence the thinking that he has a girlfriend. Might not be your gaydar so much as commitment-dar."
Luke opened the til up and started the pull the tray out so he could clear the takings. "No, I hate it. The ring feels like a ball and chain around my finger," he joked. "Of course I like it, now I get it. Before, maybe not so much. I wasn't sure about the whole tied down thing, but it's not like that." He pulled out the fifties and started counting through them quickly. When he reached the end, he shrugged. "Andy's Andy. It stunned the bollocks off him when she told him, but he's just got the family thing down. His fiancee is great. You'll love her. As rough as guts and the chalk to his cheese, but she's your kind of chick. I still say that's his sister. He can fix his hair in those shoes."
Leila smiled at him, her expression softening for just a moment. "You happy?" Leila watched him while glancing around for any opportunistic pricks that might try and take the cash. Everyone seemed to be focused on their drinks, and friends, though. Leila felt another slight pang, and picked the straw up to start biting on it again. "He was always going to be great at the family thing. It was probably going to take the chalk to his cheese to get him to wake up and realise he's got stuff to offer. She's already got a kid, right? He's okay with that? So he's slipped off to the toilet to rendezvous with his hot gay lover? He's been in there way too long already. All you blokes piss quickly."
Luke nodded with a smile. "Yeah, of course I am. Do you think I would take the marriage thing lightly? I nearly skipped out on the wedding day and had her twin castrate me because of it." He wrapped a band around the fifties and shoved them into the secure cash bag. "You'd swear the baby girl was his. She is in everything but the sperm. He's been there from day one. A lot of shit piles came with it, but they're sweet together. First time I've ever seen him smile properly after Uncle Jack's death was when he met Ali. I don't know, maybe. The fag hag doesn't seem all that impatient."
She gave a shake of her head. "No, of course not. Just need to check these things. I got to make sure my family's happy. Then I can tell Dad so he can tell your parents. You know how it works. So what changed your mind? Besides not wanting to be castrated." Leila smiled, imagining Andy with a baby girl. "That's all that matters. Sperm isn't everything. It's love, and a bond that can't be faked. It's good he's smiling again. For a while I wasn't so sure he would." Leila rest her chin on her shoulder as she watched the woman. "Probably because she has her hand in that poor guy's pants she's sitting next to. He doesn't look like he's enjoying it."
"I don't know, really. You know me. I've never been all that deep. Just roll with it. I just realised I was being a wanker. I panicked. I can't help it, it was just reactionary and it all got out of hand before I reaslised what was going on. I always thought I would be the beach wedding type bloke. I'm allowed to have one freak out in my life of coolness. That was it," Luke said with a smirk. He bundled up the next wad of cash and then took a glass to get himself a drink. "Yeah, I wasn't sure he would live let alone smile. But she was broken too, and you know Andy. He needs to fix people to be happy. She was alone at the worst time in her life, and he just wanted to make sure she was okay. Rest is history, and I get to plan his Buck's Night. I vote that's the gay lover."
"Good thing your wife seems pretty good at rolling with it too, or you might have wound up with the bouquet up your backside. Yeah, we'll let you have the one freak out. One more freak out, and you lose the crown of cool," Leila teased. "It had to be hard for him losing Uncle Jack. I don't think any of us can really blame him for crashing. It's just good that they both picked up each other's pieces." Leila rolled her eyes as she snorted. "She is officially the world's worst fag hag. And fuck, I really need to get laid."
Luke shrugged again. "Well, if that was her response, she wouldn't have been right for me, would she?" he reasoned and sipped his coke. "It was being in the car with him when it happened that did it. He could never shake the awful guilt complex. I'm not sure he ever really will, deep down." He pointed to the scene with his glass. "Yeah, but why should the fag hags miss out? Look at Aiden's. She went out and got knocked up in her fag hag process. Puh-lease! Why don't you just pay for it?"
"Nah, so good thing she is right for you. And she is. It's crazy, but I totally think she's meant for you," Leila said as she pulled the straw from her mouth to take a large mouthful of her drink. After swallowing she met the gaze of some guy further down the bar, and coudln't resist teasing him by dragging her tongue slowly over her lips. "He's Andy. He always feels something strongly. Good, and bad. It's what makes him a good paramedic. He can be compassionate, and understanding. Yeah, but she wasn't knocked up by Pat, was she? No, she got knocked up by a guy into vaginas. If that's the gay's lover, he is so not into vaginas, or being groped by women. So she's seriously missed the mark there." Leila's gaze went back to her cousin and she arched an eyebrow. "Know any good escorts?"
"I just want to make sure he's okay. He showed up in Princeton the day he found out about the bun in the oven, and he was stunned. The baby is only eight months old, so poor Andy thought he was going to hurt Ali by getting her pregnant so soon. She had post-natal depression, see, but can't blame her for that because she had a fucked up time with the pregnancy. They've come around through the shock, though. Our little Andy's gonna be a daddy," Luke laughed. "Maybe she's just doing her fag-hagly duties and preparing him for his lover? Adjusting him, or something? I don't know how far fag hag duties span. I've never technically been one. And maybe I do. Actually, I probably know the best male escort New York has to offer."
"Is there anything I can do?" Leila asked. "Ew... but I guess it depends on the fag hag and the gay she's attached to. Ask Aiden if his fag hag's ever prepared him." Leila grinned at Luke, her eyes lighting up. "Personal experience? You got a little curious and decided to dip your dick in other waters?"
Luke shook his head. "Nah, I don't think so. It's more a watching from afar thing. I just get worried about him. I don't ever want to revisit finding him face down in a pool of his own bloody vomit again. Ever. Scared the freaking shit out of me. So, see? I've already had my two freak out moments." He sniggered. "Ah, yeah, no. Aiden's fag hag and my wife can very much vouch for him, though. He's got quite the top notch rep."
Leila reached out and ruffled his hair affectionately. "Extenuating circumstances, so you can keep the crown for now." Leila's mouth fell open a little. "Your wife? Not keeping up your end of the marriage sex, Jackson?"
Luke just gave her a look. "It was before me. Again, if she was fucking around on me, I'd be out the door. Been there, done that shit, got the fucking sperm-soaked t-shirt," he said wryly. "She was dating some bloke before me. I don't know all the much about it because it was a sore spot with my brother-in-law after the whole needlestick thing. Past, old water and all that. Flynn was her rebound fuck, and she still sings his praises. I don't mind. The guy is apparently awesome at what he does, and he does it all."
"Flynn, huh?" Leila tilted her head back as she thought about it, sucking on her full bottom lip. "Got a card, or should I just look him up?"
Luke shrugged. "Buggered if I know. I think he goes through an agent. He's booked up for weeks in advance and costs a pretty penny. How proud are you at calling in family connections?" he asked with a smirk. "I can probably get Tab to make a deal with him. They're pals. The guy is busy. Outside of work, he operates in a three-way."
"How does he even have the time to be an escort?" Leila asked with a laugh. She shrugged, pulling her mouth to the side. "Not that proud assuming your wife wants to make a deal with him on my behalf. And only if he does have the time. Not looking to encroach on his schedule if he's that busy. I'm sure I could settle for second best in New York if it came down to it."
"I guess he's just awesome at what he does. Depends if you want to fuck a stranger or someone actually pretty much family. His lover is attached to our Princeton bunch. Why settle for second best?" Luke asked in amusement. "He's a nice guy. You don't get a rep like he does without proving you've got the goods. Tab calls him a horse, and unless he eats hay, I think you can deduce what that means."
Leila stretched her arms up above her head as she worked the kinks out of her back while thinking it over. "Alright, sold. I'll take on Tab's horse if she'll be kind enough to call in a favour. Can't really argue with your publicity. Sure you're alright pimping out her rebound fuck?"
"Do you want me to have issues in my marriage or something?" Luke asked her, raising an eyebrow. "I don't give a fuck about what they did. It was before I even met her."
Leila frowned. "No, but I'm still going to check it's cool. I don't want you having issues, okay? Here's me stopping with the checking. And I'll be sure to tell you every gory detail. Thank you, Cousin Luke. You're the best pimp around."
Luke flipped her off. "You don't need to check, I'm fine. King of Cool, remember? I wouldn't be married if it came with so many issues." He smirked at her."Don't worry, I'll take back a favour one day."
Leila blew him a kiss. "Yeah, just don't let the crown mess up your hair too much. I'm glad you're happy, and you like being married." Leila smirked back. "Well, if it's going to be my first born you might be waiting a while."
Words: 2564
1.1. "The fact is I am not having sex. But I feel absolutely ripe for the - what would you say - plucking?"
Angelina Jolie
Leila Jackson leaned against the bar, the straw from her drink in her mouth as she sucked on it. She wasn't using it so much for drinking, as a distraction from other things. Her blue eyes flitted around her surroundings, the contacts making them bluer than usual. She got away with them most of the time, her glasses really only coming out when she was just bumming around home, or wanted a break from shoving stuff into her eye. She hadn't been blessed with the same perfect eyesight her cousins had.
She smiled at a guy who passed, her head tilting with interest as she looked him up and down. He smiled back, clearly thinking he might have an in later. The moment he was gone, she let out a groan and looked at Luke. "Fuck, are there no decent blokes in this place at all? He's a dud lay. He's got that walk."
Luke finished rinsing off some glasses and shoved them in the wrack to be taken out back for washing. He wiped his hand on the bar towel hooked around his belt buckle, curling his wedding ring around his finger to dry the moisture out from under it. He smirked at his cousin. "What walk? You cannot tell a bloke is a fucked fuck from how he walks," he scoffed.
Leila smirked, her eyes narrowing a little as she looked at him. "I can, trust me. It's in the way his arse moves when he walks. That dude's all over the fucking place. He's got an uncoordinated arse." She tapped the bar with a slender finger as she leaned forward. "Ask your wife how your arse moves. I'm telling you it has everything do with how you are in the sack."
"Alright, Miss Fuck Expert. What walk indicates a good lay?" Luke challenged. He leant on the bar, smirking skeptically. "Are you telling me you don't even analyse the package? How long has it been since you got laid?"
"What good is the package if they don't know how to use it?" Leila asked, her eyebrows raising. She put the straw down, and her tongue ran over her teeth as she turned to look at the crowd. The only downside to a bar was not everyone was up and walking around. There was a guy on his way to the bathroom though, and she pointed at him. "See that? Perfectly good walk and he would definitely be a good lay. Too bad he's got a girlfriend. And it's been... I don't fucking know. Since I left London? How long since your last lay, Mr Married and Has Sex on Tap?"
Luke looked at his watch. "Hm, three hours. Give or take. I don't suggest you spend any time hanging around Andy right now. He's getting fucked more than a rabbit orgy." He looked at the guy going to the bathroom. "He looks gay. Most gay guys have the fuck mojo."
Leila looked at her cousin in amusement. "Are you already gagging for it, or does sex not matter anymore? When did Andy turn into such a Lothario?" Leila's gaze flicked back to the guy before he disappeared past the door. "What makes you think he's gay?"
"No, I'm not gagging for it. Believe it or not, I do have some self-control. I survived fine before marriage," Luke reminded her with a snort. "Since he knocked his fiancee up on their romantic holiday Down Under. The hair and the shoes. No straight guy wears shoes like that. Aiden is gay and married, remember? My gaydar has been honed recently."
"Yeah, I think you have a short memory, Lulu. So you like being married, or what? You okay now that it's past the actual wedding day, and everything?" Leila's lips curved into an amused smirk. "Oh yeah, I forgot that. This is what happens when I hardly see him because he's being shagged to death. I'm happy for him." Leila laughed, pushing her blonde hair back from her face. "Hence the thinking that he has a girlfriend. Might not be your gaydar so much as commitment-dar."
Luke opened the til up and started the pull the tray out so he could clear the takings. "No, I hate it. The ring feels like a ball and chain around my finger," he joked. "Of course I like it, now I get it. Before, maybe not so much. I wasn't sure about the whole tied down thing, but it's not like that." He pulled out the fifties and started counting through them quickly. When he reached the end, he shrugged. "Andy's Andy. It stunned the bollocks off him when she told him, but he's just got the family thing down. His fiancee is great. You'll love her. As rough as guts and the chalk to his cheese, but she's your kind of chick. I still say that's his sister. He can fix his hair in those shoes."
Leila smiled at him, her expression softening for just a moment. "You happy?" Leila watched him while glancing around for any opportunistic pricks that might try and take the cash. Everyone seemed to be focused on their drinks, and friends, though. Leila felt another slight pang, and picked the straw up to start biting on it again. "He was always going to be great at the family thing. It was probably going to take the chalk to his cheese to get him to wake up and realise he's got stuff to offer. She's already got a kid, right? He's okay with that? So he's slipped off to the toilet to rendezvous with his hot gay lover? He's been in there way too long already. All you blokes piss quickly."
Luke nodded with a smile. "Yeah, of course I am. Do you think I would take the marriage thing lightly? I nearly skipped out on the wedding day and had her twin castrate me because of it." He wrapped a band around the fifties and shoved them into the secure cash bag. "You'd swear the baby girl was his. She is in everything but the sperm. He's been there from day one. A lot of shit piles came with it, but they're sweet together. First time I've ever seen him smile properly after Uncle Jack's death was when he met Ali. I don't know, maybe. The fag hag doesn't seem all that impatient."
She gave a shake of her head. "No, of course not. Just need to check these things. I got to make sure my family's happy. Then I can tell Dad so he can tell your parents. You know how it works. So what changed your mind? Besides not wanting to be castrated." Leila smiled, imagining Andy with a baby girl. "That's all that matters. Sperm isn't everything. It's love, and a bond that can't be faked. It's good he's smiling again. For a while I wasn't so sure he would." Leila rest her chin on her shoulder as she watched the woman. "Probably because she has her hand in that poor guy's pants she's sitting next to. He doesn't look like he's enjoying it."
"I don't know, really. You know me. I've never been all that deep. Just roll with it. I just realised I was being a wanker. I panicked. I can't help it, it was just reactionary and it all got out of hand before I reaslised what was going on. I always thought I would be the beach wedding type bloke. I'm allowed to have one freak out in my life of coolness. That was it," Luke said with a smirk. He bundled up the next wad of cash and then took a glass to get himself a drink. "Yeah, I wasn't sure he would live let alone smile. But she was broken too, and you know Andy. He needs to fix people to be happy. She was alone at the worst time in her life, and he just wanted to make sure she was okay. Rest is history, and I get to plan his Buck's Night. I vote that's the gay lover."
"Good thing your wife seems pretty good at rolling with it too, or you might have wound up with the bouquet up your backside. Yeah, we'll let you have the one freak out. One more freak out, and you lose the crown of cool," Leila teased. "It had to be hard for him losing Uncle Jack. I don't think any of us can really blame him for crashing. It's just good that they both picked up each other's pieces." Leila rolled her eyes as she snorted. "She is officially the world's worst fag hag. And fuck, I really need to get laid."
Luke shrugged again. "Well, if that was her response, she wouldn't have been right for me, would she?" he reasoned and sipped his coke. "It was being in the car with him when it happened that did it. He could never shake the awful guilt complex. I'm not sure he ever really will, deep down." He pointed to the scene with his glass. "Yeah, but why should the fag hags miss out? Look at Aiden's. She went out and got knocked up in her fag hag process. Puh-lease! Why don't you just pay for it?"
"Nah, so good thing she is right for you. And she is. It's crazy, but I totally think she's meant for you," Leila said as she pulled the straw from her mouth to take a large mouthful of her drink. After swallowing she met the gaze of some guy further down the bar, and coudln't resist teasing him by dragging her tongue slowly over her lips. "He's Andy. He always feels something strongly. Good, and bad. It's what makes him a good paramedic. He can be compassionate, and understanding. Yeah, but she wasn't knocked up by Pat, was she? No, she got knocked up by a guy into vaginas. If that's the gay's lover, he is so not into vaginas, or being groped by women. So she's seriously missed the mark there." Leila's gaze went back to her cousin and she arched an eyebrow. "Know any good escorts?"
"I just want to make sure he's okay. He showed up in Princeton the day he found out about the bun in the oven, and he was stunned. The baby is only eight months old, so poor Andy thought he was going to hurt Ali by getting her pregnant so soon. She had post-natal depression, see, but can't blame her for that because she had a fucked up time with the pregnancy. They've come around through the shock, though. Our little Andy's gonna be a daddy," Luke laughed. "Maybe she's just doing her fag-hagly duties and preparing him for his lover? Adjusting him, or something? I don't know how far fag hag duties span. I've never technically been one. And maybe I do. Actually, I probably know the best male escort New York has to offer."
"Is there anything I can do?" Leila asked. "Ew... but I guess it depends on the fag hag and the gay she's attached to. Ask Aiden if his fag hag's ever prepared him." Leila grinned at Luke, her eyes lighting up. "Personal experience? You got a little curious and decided to dip your dick in other waters?"
Luke shook his head. "Nah, I don't think so. It's more a watching from afar thing. I just get worried about him. I don't ever want to revisit finding him face down in a pool of his own bloody vomit again. Ever. Scared the freaking shit out of me. So, see? I've already had my two freak out moments." He sniggered. "Ah, yeah, no. Aiden's fag hag and my wife can very much vouch for him, though. He's got quite the top notch rep."
Leila reached out and ruffled his hair affectionately. "Extenuating circumstances, so you can keep the crown for now." Leila's mouth fell open a little. "Your wife? Not keeping up your end of the marriage sex, Jackson?"
Luke just gave her a look. "It was before me. Again, if she was fucking around on me, I'd be out the door. Been there, done that shit, got the fucking sperm-soaked t-shirt," he said wryly. "She was dating some bloke before me. I don't know all the much about it because it was a sore spot with my brother-in-law after the whole needlestick thing. Past, old water and all that. Flynn was her rebound fuck, and she still sings his praises. I don't mind. The guy is apparently awesome at what he does, and he does it all."
"Flynn, huh?" Leila tilted her head back as she thought about it, sucking on her full bottom lip. "Got a card, or should I just look him up?"
Luke shrugged. "Buggered if I know. I think he goes through an agent. He's booked up for weeks in advance and costs a pretty penny. How proud are you at calling in family connections?" he asked with a smirk. "I can probably get Tab to make a deal with him. They're pals. The guy is busy. Outside of work, he operates in a three-way."
"How does he even have the time to be an escort?" Leila asked with a laugh. She shrugged, pulling her mouth to the side. "Not that proud assuming your wife wants to make a deal with him on my behalf. And only if he does have the time. Not looking to encroach on his schedule if he's that busy. I'm sure I could settle for second best in New York if it came down to it."
"I guess he's just awesome at what he does. Depends if you want to fuck a stranger or someone actually pretty much family. His lover is attached to our Princeton bunch. Why settle for second best?" Luke asked in amusement. "He's a nice guy. You don't get a rep like he does without proving you've got the goods. Tab calls him a horse, and unless he eats hay, I think you can deduce what that means."
Leila stretched her arms up above her head as she worked the kinks out of her back while thinking it over. "Alright, sold. I'll take on Tab's horse if she'll be kind enough to call in a favour. Can't really argue with your publicity. Sure you're alright pimping out her rebound fuck?"
"Do you want me to have issues in my marriage or something?" Luke asked her, raising an eyebrow. "I don't give a fuck about what they did. It was before I even met her."
Leila frowned. "No, but I'm still going to check it's cool. I don't want you having issues, okay? Here's me stopping with the checking. And I'll be sure to tell you every gory detail. Thank you, Cousin Luke. You're the best pimp around."
Luke flipped her off. "You don't need to check, I'm fine. King of Cool, remember? I wouldn't be married if it came with so many issues." He smirked at her."Don't worry, I'll take back a favour one day."
Leila blew him a kiss. "Yeah, just don't let the crown mess up your hair too much. I'm glad you're happy, and you like being married." Leila smirked back. "Well, if it's going to be my first born you might be waiting a while."
Words: 2564