SPN Fic: Do Not Go Gentle (2/3, Gen, R, John, Bobby, Castiel)

[dodger_winslow]

Title: Do Not Go Gentle
Author: Dodger Winslow
Genre: Gen
Rating: R for language
Word Count: 28,000
Spoilers: Up to where we are now
Disclaimer: I don't own the boys, I'm just stalking them for a while ...

Summary: The kid’s a lot like me in that, I suppose. And while it wasn’t my intention to do so, I think I’m the one who taught him not to let

Comments

[saberivojo]

Dodger, you made me cry. That letter...it is like a door to John's soul and they only person who he would ever show it to would be Bobby.

I feel like I should print it out and use it as a reference whenever anyone says what a terrible father John Winchester was.

This is probably as emotional as I have gotten in a while.

I don't know if it is just because you have managed to bring it all together, tie up the loose ends, show me specifically why John did what he did, even though I knew intuitively why.

I can believe this you know, that John would do this, would write it down and in doing so be able to tell Bobby everything that a face to face would not.

Plus it would give Bobby no option but to listen, and give John the last word.

Thank you.

[dodger_winslow]

Thanks. There's something about the friendship between John and Bobby, particularly in how much (and consistently) John is a jackass, that really speaks to me on an emotional level, too. So much of what I see between them is what I was writing about in HOME with Bobby and McCarthy ... how much that dog was near dead before Bobby found him, and how much he lashes out at Bobby even though he needs Bobby so, so much ... the idea of John being this way, lashing out and then waiting, sure that Bobby will walk but praying that he doesn't -- there's something about that dynamic that makes John the same wounded little boy Dean is, but does it in a more man-specific (as compared to child-specific) way. And too, the idea of how much he might actually fear that Bobby would have turned him away if he tried to make contact. Fear he'd finally pushed too hard on the wrong subject, and being desperate to fix it, but not knowing HOW to fix it, and also fearing that there was no fixing of it, all while trying to convince himself it didn't really matter

Do Not Go Gentle

[ewanmax]

Just catching this, which is shocking since I'm usually running toward, when I see you name (must have been damn busy to miss it). Anyway, combat huh, Sgt. Saunders maybe. Damn I loved that show. Not nearly as much as I love your writing though.

Re: Do Not Go Gentle

[dodger_winslow]

I loved that show, too. My lil bro and I watched it religiously. I cried when Vic Marrow died. Was on the road, and literally pulled over to the side of the road and cried.

[arwenangel87]

Wow! I wish I could say something more, but that's all I can think of. This, to me, is John. Through and through. Perfect.

[dodger_winslow]

Thank you. :D

[turinn26]

AWESOME!! You've actually made me cry: you're giving me the emotional conmotion the show doesn't give me anymore. These are Bobby and John and the boys for me. I wish you wrote for the show, or their books. The way you see them is moving and astounding.

My favourite sentence:

That he was wrong. That he was sorry. That he had regrets about how he’d raised his boys, and that he’d spent most of his life as Bobby’d known him not trying to live, but rather trying not to self destruct.

That he’d lost more than he could bear losing near on a lifetime ago, but those boys needing him had been the difference between letting hell have him and making it fight him every step of the way until it took him.

Impressive. Really.

[dodger_winslow]

Thanks so much. There are aspects of those lines, in particular, that will play again in the final section as things that are as true of Bobby as they are of John.

[irismay42]

That was a masterful look not only into John's psyche, but also into Dean's and Sam's, or at least, as John saw them.

Loved how you explained John's ditching Dean pre-pilot, because that's definitely a logical explanation, and I also liked how you contrasted Bobby's admission to Dean that he'd thought about killing himself with John's admission in the letter that if it hadn't been for his boys he would have let Hell have him years ago.

I also liked Bobby's reprimanding himself for letting himself get possessed.

I think what makes this letter all the more painful is that Bobby (and us along with him) is reading this in hindsight - knowing what happens to John and his boys, that John does die in the fight against Azazel, but not in the way he thinks, and that he doesn't manage to protect Sam from the demon's machinations or Dean from sacrificing himself. It really does make you think that the Winchesters have been doomed for a very long time.

[dodger_winslow]

All John's good intentions shot to hell by the difference between how things happen in theory, and how they happen in reality. Absolutely. The line that felt the most painful to me in terms of that is the idea that John is actually comforting himself with the idea that he can make up for every mistake he's ever made by killing the YED. That this one act will somehow erase the life his boys were forced to lead and replace it with something out of BeaverCleaver land. It is such an illustration of how idealistic John still is in some ways ... or at least, how much he has to blindly cling to his faith in SOMEthing in order to survive all the things he has to do. That he has to, and does, believe in "the happy ending." Just as he has to, and does, believe in a God who can forgive him all the wrong things he did in raising his sons even as he rails on about how much Jim should know where the God card falls in the deck for him, and why