Serious But Happy Post...
So, I debated about even making this post, but then I thought it was important and it is a good thing and I should be proud of it, even if I'm not that proud of how I got here.
Saturday, the 10th, I was six months clean off any drugs.
I'm really proud of that.
Not so much the decade before that, with the pot smoking and the bad choices in friends, or the mis-use of prescribed pain pills or using medicine for things they weren't meant for. Also, two years ago, I broke both my legs, and they started giving me Oxy and then they just kept giving it to me. I kept taking more and more of it...until one day I looked down at the handful I was holding and thought, "At this rate, I'm going to run out weeks early. I need to take less. I could take less if I tried snorting it.". And then I thought, "Holy shit." and got kind of freaked out.
I tried several times to stop, I kept trying to reduce the amount and slowly get off it, but eventually, I would end up with a handful again.
Finally, on January 10th, I had a full day without anything - pain pills, muscle relaxers, xanax, cold pills, benadryl - and the next day too, and the day after that...
Writing has helped, given me something to throw myself back into, something I didn't realize I missed until I started doing it again. Knowing it's not just my life I'm making better, but the people who love me and support me - there's not a lot of those, but the ones there are, have done so much for me, and I want to be in a better place so I can return the favor.
There's more to the story - there's a lot to the story actually, probably tons I'll never share with most people - but for today, I can't believe I made it six months. Back when I was detoxing - vomiting and unable to sleep for days and shaking all over and trying not to break - I didn't think this would really happen.
Six months. It's not much, but it's probably more days total without drugs than I've had in the entirety of the last decade - so it's enough for me right now.
I also did the math and realized my nine months will be Sunday, October 10th - during which I will be at SPN Chicago Con. So I guess my reward will be Jared and Misha. That should be everyone's reward for getting clean. *g*
Anyway, I just thought I should say something, so I have it down somewhere that I actually made it this far.
Now, on to tomorrow.