(no subject)
All dues were paid as much as they could be re-paid. Connor had come back, he’s sunk Angel to the ocean due to what Holtz had taught him to believe. I spend the summer shagging Lilah, keeping Justine in my closet and fishing around for Angel. That and keeping an eye on Gunn, Fred and Connor as well as researching Cordelia’s disappearance.
It took me three month’s to find Angel. I dragged him up from the ocean, fed him blood and brought him home. I left the folder of everything I’d found on Cordelia and where she was now and left. It was once again Fred who stabbed me in the heart, just like she’d done at the hospital. I really don’t know how I could’ve fallen - pretend to fall - head over heels for a woman who didn’t knew me at all.
I still cared. The problem was that I cared to much. Loved to much.
Getting out of Los Angeles seemed the best thing to do. So I packed up what little belongings I had - most of my belongings had stayed behind at the Hotel, my books, my weapons …my life - gave notice to my landlady as per direct and left without looking back. Or a note. Just a small message for Lilah I’d e-mailed her to her office. I’m sure she would appreciate the joke and wouldn’t come looking for me.
Now that Angel was back, I was no longer important to them anyway.
Angel. The main reason I left. I couldn’t bear the thought of running into him and seeing the hate in his eyes now. Couldn’t bear the thought of seeing him smile at anyone else but have that smile fade as soon as he saw me. And yet, if I was given the same options and the same facts, I’d do it again. Because I could bear it even less if Angel would condemn himself and his son for all eternity.
How I ended up in New Jersey I’ll never know. Not that it matters. It was far away enough from Los Angeles. It even had seasons, though I could’ve done without the snow when I was out demon hunting. I’d found some dingy apartment I could barely afford. And a job at some occult bookstore that one only seemed to be able to find when looking very hard. At least it meant I had access to the books I sometimes needed without having to buy them.
Of course there were demons in New Jersey, just like in any other town, place or city in the world. They were just better at hiding out here then they had been in Los Angeles. I still went out at least three times per week to fight the demonic evil ones. Only less rogue this time and only when they paid. Alright, that was a lie, sometimes I didn’t ask for money. Got my own little crew together for when I needed backup, which was rarely ever.
Although, admittedly and in retrospect, I probably should’ve called them this night. But it wasn’t as if I’d known there’d be an entire nest of Vaslar demons in that old warehouse. There was only supposed to be one. Still, I managed to get out alive, barely and found myself driving over to the nearest hospital. Once there I sat in my car for quite a while, watching the snow fall down and wondering if I should even go in there.
The warm liquid oozing through my fingers told me rather urgently that it may be a good idea. So I stumbled out of the car and over to the entrance where I hovered some more, indecisive on whether or not to go in. I didn’t really have a good cover story. I suppose I could say I got mugged, by some chaps with a large dog or something. I’m not sure if they would believe as much as they had in Los Angeles though. The one time I had gone to the hospital - after Jakes instance - I’d gotten drilled by some sarcastic fellow who found the ‘dog bite’ very interesting.
Pushing the air out of my lungs, I held onto the bench near the entrance and stared up at the building. The world was spinning and the sounds were starting to come from far, far away and it was so, so cold. I leaned my hip against the bench and pulled my coat tighter around me, - I really should get myself a better winter coat - And realized that if I didn’t start walking toward the hospital now and sit down, there was a small chance I’d fall down out here.
It was with some effort I finally made it to entrance, thinking the lights were far, far to bright. They were giving me a blood headache! I kept my coat tightly pulled around me as I stood in line, hunching my shoulders to keep a low profile. It was rather busy here, which was a good thing I suppose. Get lost in the crowd. I really wish they’d hurry up though, otherwise I was going to sit down and just wait for this crowd to… something.
Its suddenly very hot in here. And the world is spinning again, and those voices still seem to come from far away. Huh. That’s probably not good. And not even pushing my glasses up would clear my vision. Not good. Very probably not a good sign.
Oh. Bugger.