the deadliest game

[doctorhouse_tm]

I'm a drug addict

Comments

[dr_lisa_cuddy]

That you intend on being a devoted father regardless of anything else is what matters, House.

[doctorhouse_tm]

I guess you're right. In that aspect of things. Because I won't do to my kid what my dad did to me.

[dr_lisa_cuddy]

Put it this way, in the hypothetical sense. Supposing something did happen to you -- would you rather leave a legacy for your child as the man who hated himself because of his pain management issues that was out of his control, or would you rather your legacy be the man who was completely and utterly devoted to his child?

You can't have both.

[doctorhouse_tm]

I want the second. Obviously.

[lockhart_md]

I won't pretend to be able to understand everything you've got going on...but I can understand the addiction part. Hating the dependency but fearing what you are without it. I won't presume to offer to be a sponsor; I've been a lousy one in the past, anyway, but if you ever need an ear, feel free.

[doctorhouse_tm]

Thank you, Abby. I appreciate that. I just need to figure out what I want for myself, you know? It needs to be what I think is best.

[lockhart_md]

Of course. I've tried to quit for someone or something other than myself, and it always turns out to be a disaster.

[doctorhouse_tm]

If you want it, you're more inclined to follow through. And if you fail, when it was your idea...you don't feel guilty for letting someone down.

[joe__dick]

I'm a drug addict.
And I hate myself for it.

Hey, you and me both, doc. Turns out we got something in fucking common, even if you do listen to Billy Talent.

[doctorhouse_tm]

Everything thinks that we can just quit whenever we feel like it. It isn't that easy.

And I thought it was 'Billy Fucking Talent'?

[joe__dick]

Not such an easy fucking task. Took me... shit, took me twenty years to quit. Not even sure if it's for good this time.

*snorts* Billy Fucking Tallent is reserved for the man of honour. The band only gets it when they're lucky. Or when I'm pissed.

[doctorhouse_tm]

The thing is if I do quit, I won't be able to function. So I don't want to because I don't want to live in a personal hell.

*grins* Ah. Thank you for clarifying.

[ynez_castillo]

Is it really addiction if you need it?

[doctorhouse_tm]

I don't think it is, no. But by definitions, I am addicted to the Vicodin.

[ynez_castillo]

I thought that there was a difference between being physically dependent and being an addict. That if it doesn't affect your behavior or have a negative impact on your life, you weren't addicted.

At least that's what I've heard.

[doctorhouse_tm]

Ah see but when I take the pills? I feel better before they've even gone into the bloodstream. Just knowing that the pain is going to go away makes it. It's in my head.

I've heard it too. It's a lot of grey area.

[queenemma]

I could always enter your mind and make you believe that there is no pain any longer. Granted, it wouldn't be fun for me to keep it up all the goddamn time -- but it would be far easier than the hurt of your leg or the suffering in your mind knowing you are still addicted.

[doctorhouse_tm]

Emma, I could never in good conscience allow you to do that. Plus even with the pain gone or masked, I still wouldn't be able to do everything normally. There's dead muscle and cut nerves to contend with.

[queenemma]

I could do it without your permission, dear. I never said I was going to ask for that.

[doctorhouse_tm]

Emma...I...