Dead Father, Day 3

[doctor_diva]

The house is full of Russian women. The women keep exclaiming that my mother is a hero, and she keeps serving them more food. I am sleeping, insofar as I am sleeping, in the basement on the couch we bought when we came to Canada in 1979, and down here with me is one or another of my mother's friends (Russians don't stay in hotels), sleeping on

Comments

[smilethatcurved]

when i first found out about your dad i thought "masha just don't put everything into taking care of your mom." because that is what i would do. that is what we do. we accept that they don't stay in hotels and we suspend and we swallow and we press go.
i just want you to know your dad knows how much you love him. he always has and he always will. and if you get angry you won't disappoint him. not even a little.

[femmegrrlprof]

Please take care of yourself a little bit during this challenging and heart wrenching time. Much love.

[whimsicalpops]

Masha, read Puskin for yourself, celebrate his life as you experinced it. Allow your anger... Because you father is proud, was proud of you. How could he not of been with such a sweet, caring, feeling daughter like you. You honor him by being the person you are, not the person who those ladies want you to be.

[purplepathos]

I don't know what to say, but I'm thinking of you.

No, wait, I do know what to say. Does that closet with the intermittent internet access have a door on it? Is it big enough to sit in with a book, your computer, a box of kleenex, or whatever? I'm serious. I spent a lot of time hanging out in closets when I was a kid--it was peaceful in there.

Wishing you the very best.

[dac_in_sf]

Sweetheart:
When my next-door neighbor in Oakland died, his Southeast Asian (Cambodian?) community responded by three days of (literally) 24 hour/day party/gambling/fundraiser at his house. His kids and his wife were surrounded by people. It seemed like all those people were there so the family would be busy and would not have time to think so hard.
You are showing up and doing what is in front of you each day at this point. You are checking your email and cellular when you can and doing your best.
I am glad you asked to be moved upstairs. And you can ask with time with your Mom if that is right for you also. Trust yourself. Be angry. Be what you have to be. Barb and John send their love, as of course I do as well. We are all thinking about you and hoping that it goes as well as it can for you right now.
xoxox