Stay with me (A.B.C-Z)
So having gone to the Ha”ss”hy solo concert and ABCZ summer paradise twice (so far) I have some feelings. And for once it's not a tragic fic. SHOCKING. Taken from my own observations, my friends observations, and my imagination. Some minor liberties taken with the time lines.
Pairing: HasshixTottsu. Of course.
The world was a good place. At least today. The early summer sadness and melancholy was mostly past. There were were still good days, and bad days. But this was normal.
But, even with a short guest appearance in Tottsu’s 45!!!!!! episode drama (it was Tottsu’s drama even if he wasn't the lead, at least for Hasshi) it still felt some days like he wasn't pulling his weight.
But the summer paradise concert, this was something that he could do. And do well.
Instead of the usual acrobatics thing which was impossible to do alone unless you were Tsukachan, he had gotten Gocchi to help him with the choreography. It was comforting knowing that at every show at least Gocchi would be there. Either as a guest, or as staff. That way, if he messed up, or something went wrong, Gocchi would help make it better.
But the concert was amazing.
He was sexy. He was cute. He made fun of Tsukachan/Rikachan while being cute. And he had fun.
He admitted that OK maybe he needed to gain some weight, and almost cried at all of the fans and his members and his mother being so worried about him. Their concern was moving. It had moved him, so so much, to see the sea or red pen lights, filling the venue. They had come just for him. And he could feel their love.
Gocchi had helped planning. And even if he did veto the heart choreography it was his concert, and his song, and he wrote it, and cute or not, and he would do what he wanted. Tottsu had even said that one of his charm points was looking cool, but being cute. And it was true. Sadly.
Tsuka-chan and Tottsu came to support him as well.
Kawai couldn’t, caused he was still in Singapore with Kabuki, which was sad.
But Tottsu had come.
And when Tottsu and Tsuka-chan came, if he looked a little too often towards Tottsu while making half heart motions with his hands while singing love and chu and other cute things, well, that was to be expected.
And he had hugged him. On stage. In front of everyone. And Tottsu LET him.
And when Tottsu thanked Hasshi’s parents for having him, his heart had nearly exploded with feelings. It was maybe as closed to a public confession that he would ever get from Tottsu. And to see him almost on the floor, so deep was his thanks, all Hasshi wanted to go hug him and never let him go. But that is impossible.
But it was possible to make sure that Tottsu stayed till the end, begging with wide eyes and a cute smile.
The smile that Tottsu could never really say no too.
But it was important that Tottsu stay until the end.
And it made him so so so so happy that Tottsu didn't want to miss anything. Tottsu really was the best.
(When Hasshi had thanked him later for coming Tottsu had scoffed, saying, “Of course I would come. but his smile had been fond, and real).
But this also meant that when they got to the A.B.C-Z はじめようA to Zを concerts that he was still so so so so so full of feelings for his band.
It was nice to have Kawai back and performing with them.
It was so nice to sing with Tottu and Kawai and Gocchi and Tsukachan.
But most of all, it was nice to be able to watch Tottsu from back of the venue for his solo. To be able to stand for a moment and watch Tottsu sing, to see him the same way the audience saw him. To sing along with Tottsu, knowing the mic was off, and just be a fan for a moment.
And if he started singing stay with me, watching Tottsu leave the stage…. Well that was just natural.
But the feelings were there. And true. Sometimes it felt that his band was running ahead of him. Tsukachan was out OutxDelux again, and he went to Texas for a TV show, and he did Sasuke. Gocchi and Kawai had Faust, and Kawai also did international Kabuki, and Tottsu had 2 movies and a drama in 1 year. They were all working so hard.
And he was running behind them, chasing them again.
Stay with me, he wanted to cry with all his heart sometimes.
Don’t leave me.
But then when in A.B.C-Z love Kawai and Tsukachan and Gocchi are snuggling him on stage, and Tottsu is looking around at him with big, expressive eyes Hasshi feels that he right where he belongs.
And when Tottsu is mouthing the words to all Hasshi’s parts, singing along even when he doesn't have to Hasshi cannot help but smile.
And when Tottsu sings 特別な君へ from beside him, staring at him and not the audience, it is all he can do to sing and make it thought the song. Sometimes his love for Tottsu felt like it was going to choke him. There was just so much of it. But he loved them all. And right here, on stage with these four people, it was the only place he ever wanted to be.
Pairing: HasshixTottsu. Of course.
The world was a good place. At least today. The early summer sadness and melancholy was mostly past. There were were still good days, and bad days. But this was normal.
But, even with a short guest appearance in Tottsu’s 45!!!!!! episode drama (it was Tottsu’s drama even if he wasn't the lead, at least for Hasshi) it still felt some days like he wasn't pulling his weight.
But the summer paradise concert, this was something that he could do. And do well.
Instead of the usual acrobatics thing which was impossible to do alone unless you were Tsukachan, he had gotten Gocchi to help him with the choreography. It was comforting knowing that at every show at least Gocchi would be there. Either as a guest, or as staff. That way, if he messed up, or something went wrong, Gocchi would help make it better.
But the concert was amazing.
He was sexy. He was cute. He made fun of Tsukachan/Rikachan while being cute. And he had fun.
He admitted that OK maybe he needed to gain some weight, and almost cried at all of the fans and his members and his mother being so worried about him. Their concern was moving. It had moved him, so so much, to see the sea or red pen lights, filling the venue. They had come just for him. And he could feel their love.
Gocchi had helped planning. And even if he did veto the heart choreography it was his concert, and his song, and he wrote it, and cute or not, and he would do what he wanted. Tottsu had even said that one of his charm points was looking cool, but being cute. And it was true. Sadly.
Tsuka-chan and Tottsu came to support him as well.
Kawai couldn’t, caused he was still in Singapore with Kabuki, which was sad.
But Tottsu had come.
And when Tottsu and Tsuka-chan came, if he looked a little too often towards Tottsu while making half heart motions with his hands while singing love and chu and other cute things, well, that was to be expected.
And he had hugged him. On stage. In front of everyone. And Tottsu LET him.
And when Tottsu thanked Hasshi’s parents for having him, his heart had nearly exploded with feelings. It was maybe as closed to a public confession that he would ever get from Tottsu. And to see him almost on the floor, so deep was his thanks, all Hasshi wanted to go hug him and never let him go. But that is impossible.
But it was possible to make sure that Tottsu stayed till the end, begging with wide eyes and a cute smile.
The smile that Tottsu could never really say no too.
But it was important that Tottsu stay until the end.
And it made him so so so so happy that Tottsu didn't want to miss anything. Tottsu really was the best.
(When Hasshi had thanked him later for coming Tottsu had scoffed, saying, “Of course I would come. but his smile had been fond, and real).
But this also meant that when they got to the A.B.C-Z はじめようA to Zを concerts that he was still so so so so so full of feelings for his band.
It was nice to have Kawai back and performing with them.
It was so nice to sing with Tottu and Kawai and Gocchi and Tsukachan.
But most of all, it was nice to be able to watch Tottsu from back of the venue for his solo. To be able to stand for a moment and watch Tottsu sing, to see him the same way the audience saw him. To sing along with Tottsu, knowing the mic was off, and just be a fan for a moment.
And if he started singing stay with me, watching Tottsu leave the stage…. Well that was just natural.
But the feelings were there. And true. Sometimes it felt that his band was running ahead of him. Tsukachan was out OutxDelux again, and he went to Texas for a TV show, and he did Sasuke. Gocchi and Kawai had Faust, and Kawai also did international Kabuki, and Tottsu had 2 movies and a drama in 1 year. They were all working so hard.
And he was running behind them, chasing them again.
Stay with me, he wanted to cry with all his heart sometimes.
Don’t leave me.
But then when in A.B.C-Z love Kawai and Tsukachan and Gocchi are snuggling him on stage, and Tottsu is looking around at him with big, expressive eyes Hasshi feels that he right where he belongs.
And when Tottsu is mouthing the words to all Hasshi’s parts, singing along even when he doesn't have to Hasshi cannot help but smile.
And when Tottsu sings 特別な君へ from beside him, staring at him and not the audience, it is all he can do to sing and make it thought the song. Sometimes his love for Tottsu felt like it was going to choke him. There was just so much of it. But he loved them all. And right here, on stage with these four people, it was the only place he ever wanted to be.