Number one friend and unmei boy, but never my love (1/?)... (FujigayaxYokooxKitayama)
Title: Number one friend and unmei boy, but never my love...
Pairings: KitayamaxFujigayaxYokoo, YokooxFujigaya, and KitayamaxFujigaya. I am sure that there will be some NikaxSenga and MiyataxTamamori in there, but that isn't the focus. Also mentioned TotsukaxHashimoto. And FujugaxaxA.B.C.-Z in various configurations of group love.
Summary: Fujigaya loves Yokoo. However, recently he realized that he might also love Kitayama. Which causes a bit of a problem since it appears that Yokoo and Kitayama already have something going on.
Warning: Angst and eventual happy ending. But Gaya's life is hard.
Authors notes: So, I have found a new muse for fiction. Which is great. Since I love being able to write again. But it seems like they lend themselves to angst remarkably well. Oops. And I love the idea of the three of them in most configurations involving Taipi. So this fic, and another one that I am working on, are the result of rim1789 and I flailing on facebook about Kisumai. I blame her for me adding Kisumai and A.B.C.-Z to my fandom repertoire and while I regret nothing my wallet does. So much regret in the wallet. But, fandom brings happiness. And it is obvious that Gaya has a thing for Watta. So so so obvious. And Watta likes playing hard to get, at least on J-web. And Mitsu and Gaya have... something going on. And so, from that, this idea was born.
But, rim1789, darling, this is for you. When you have time to stop with some of the school work and enjoy it. More soon, I promise.
Also, a huge thanks and shout out to thoroughlynerdy my most epic beta despite this not being her fandom.
Now:
While he knew that he was still young, and had a lot to learn there were some things that Fujigaya Taisuke was certain of. First, he loved being an idol, and making fans happy. Second, he was sure that being an idol was hard work, and he had to do a lot of things that he didn't really enjoy, but it made the fans happy. Next, he was utterly and completely in love with Yokoo Wataru, one of his best friends, and the person that always, without fail, made his heart go doki doki even over the stupidest things. Finally, and shockingly, he might also be in love with Kitayama Hiromitsu. The fourth one was a new revelation, and one that he should perhaps not have found as shocking as he did, but as he gazed at Kitayama, laying on the couch gazing up in adoration at Yokoo, and Yokoo running his hands through Kitayama’s hair with a fond smile that was usually reserved for his sister’s children and his pets, Fujigaya’s heart hurt.
Not just because he wanted to be the one lying in Yokoo’s lap, getting that fond smile.
But because he also wanted to be the one that Kitayama gazed up at in adoration like that.
He was so totally screwed.
He watched them for a moment longer, through the partially open door. They were talking softly, Yokoo’s eyes narrowed in laughter, though he never stopped touching Kitayama, who was grinning up at Yokoo. It wasn't a smirk, not like the ones he usually gave Fujigaya, but a gentle smile, and he leaned into the others touch, his chuckle low.
They looked so happy. And then Yokoo shifted, leaning down to place a kiss on Kitayama’s forehead, but Kitayama shifted, brushing his lips against Yokoo’s, and the smile that Yokoo gave Kitayama, Fujigaya did not have the words for it. Nor did he have the words to describe the answering smile that Kitayama gave in return.
He wanted that. Both of those. He wanted to be the one that Yokoo smiled at like that.
He wanted to be the one that Kitayama kissed with such tender fondness.
He wanted to be both of them.
He was so, so, so very much screwed.
And so, with one last envious glance at the scene, he slowly shuffled away and back down the hallway. A.B.C.-Z was somewhere in the building, and now seemed like a really good time for a Hashimoto-hug. He might even let Kawai give him a hug, which was saying something about the state of his heart since he and Kawai were close, but not huggy kind of close. Much more like the laugh, and joke, and play pranks on each other close. But a hug sounded really good right now. Though Watta-hugs were the best, he wouldn't be getting one of those any time soon.
He would be happy for them. He really would. Since Yokoo was his most important person. And he looked happy there with Kitayama. And Kitayama was also, apparently, his other most important person. Except that Fujigaya knew that he wasn't supposed to love anyone but Yokoo. From the beginning, it was always Yokoo. And you were only supposed to have one true love. And he would have sworn until recently that his one and only true love was Yokoo. Expect apparently it wasn't, since he also cared a great deal for (he wouldn’t call it love, since that would be silly, and what he felt for Kitayama wasn't the same as what he felt for Yokoo) Kitayama.
But they had each other.
But he had thought… it didn't really matter now.
And while he was confused, very confused, exceptionally confused, he loved Yokoo enough to wish him all the happiness in the world, even if that meant it was with Kitayama. Even if it meant that neither of them loved him.
So he would hide out for a bit, and then, when he was able, he would ask Kitayama to take good care of Yokoo. Since, as much as he hated to admit it, if he could trust anyone with his (except that he wasn't his) Watta, it would be Kitayama.
As he shuffled down the hallway he called out a soft hello to Miyata and Tamamori, coming in together from a sleepover, most likely. Tamamori was always a little softer with Miyata, walked a little closer to him when they had spent the night together. He might deny the attraction, and he and Miyata were in the same boat, constantly professing their love for someone who wasn't responding as they would like, but at least Miyata got to be close to the one that he loved. He was certain that one day Tamamori would realize that he was, and always had been in love with Miyata. Yokoo on the other hand… that wouldn't happen now. He really should have known. After all these years, and after all the denied invitations. But he had hoped that Yokoo was just playing hard to get. Turns out that perhaps he wasn't playing, he just was hard to get.
And now he was sad again. The fond smile he had thrown at Miyata and Tamamori fading into a frown. He could see the look of concern that they both gave him, but he straightened up with a smile, waving to them both as he passed. He had on his idol smile, and from the way that Tamamori stopped, staring at him as if he could read Fujigaya’s mind by the force of his will was a testament to how well they knew him after all these years.
But then again, he wore his heart on his sleeve.
However, first and foremost he was an idol. And a Johnny’s. And idols did their best for the fans at all times. Even when it hurt. But he was Fujigaya Taisuke, the F of Kis-My-Ft2 and broken hearted or not, he would give his all. For the fans, and for himself.
He just wished that they had told him. He had thought that they were friends, maybe even best friends. And so it would have been nice if Yokoo had told him that he had feelings for Kitayama, that there was something there. If he had known, Fujigaya would have backed off, would have confessed his undying love and adoration and admiration for Yokoo less. But the fact that there was something there, and that he had not told Fujigaya about it, that hurt more than anything.
Which was in part why he wanted to talk to Hashimoto. Hashimoto and Totsuka were probably going to eternally be together. But Hashimoto had worked hard to get Totsuka to admit his love. He wanted to know what Hashimoto would have done, had Totsuka admitted to loving another. Since Hashimoto’s love was probably one of the purest and most innocent things that Fujigaya had ever had the privilege of watching evolve.
Not to say that there wasn't a lot of kinky and scandalous things going on in A.B.C.-Z, but Hashimoto’s love for Totsuka was something that he had hoped that he and Yokoo would have. Apparently that was not the case. And Fujigaya already knew that Hashimoto would answer. ‘If Totsuka is happy, that is enough for me. Anything that makes Totsuka happy, makes me happy. Because I love him’.
But as soon as Fujigaya would ask about it, Hashimoto would smother him in love, and Hasshi-hugs, and that would make him feel better. It was impossible not to in the face of the force that was Hashimoto, after all.
So if that short, annoying (sometimes, ok most of the time, cute) midget made Yokoo happy, then who was Fujigaya to stand in their way?
And so, when Fujigaya snuck into the A.B.C.-Z dressing room, he was not surprised to see Totsuka and Hashimoto on the couch, Hashimoto sprawled out across Totsuka’s lap. The others were nowhere to be found, which was something of a relief. But the way that Totsuka was running his hand through Hashimoto’s hair, the way that he was looking up at Totsuka, it was exactly like Yokoo and Kitayama moments before.
And that thought made his breath catch in his throat. They really were in love. He was sure of it. He had hoped that maybe, maybe the kiss meant something else, but they looked exactly like these two, and there was no doubt of their love.
The catch of his breath was enough to draw their attention to him, both calling out a greeting. But when he walked up to the couch, offering them a sullen hello, Hashimoto sat up, eying Fujigaya in alarm.
Fujigaya sat down, leaning into Hashimoto, and the others arms automatically wrapped around him, hugging him tight. Fujigaya sighed, burying his head in Hashimoto’s arms, wrapping his own around the younger man’s, pulling them closer so that Hashimoto hugged him tighter.
“’S wrong?” His voice was worried.
It took Fujigaya a moment to answer, and when he did, his voice was muffled, distorted by the tight grip that Hashimoto had on him, and his words caused Hashimoto’s grip to tighten even more on him.
“Hasshi, what would you have done it you realized that Tottsu loved someone else?”
He could tell that Totsuka couldn't really hear what Fujigaya had said, but Hashimoto clearly had, squeezing Fujigaya as close as he could, his breath hot and warm against Fujigaya’s check as he buried his head against Fujigaya’s. For a few long moments he didn't let go, when then he shifted, turning his head to look at Totsuka.
“Hey, Tottsu, you don't mind if Taipi comes home with us tonight, right?” It wasn't a question, not really, but it did have Totsuka shifting on the couch in alarm, searching him for obvious signs of injury or trauma.
“It’s OK, Hasshi, I don't want to-“
“You are coming home with us.” His grip was firm and strong around Fujigaya, just as firm as his voice, and he found that he didn't want to argue. Not really.
“We will have cookies, and ice cream, and kotatsu time, and maybe some drinks but that might not be the best idea at the moment, and then you will feel better.” Hashimoto’s voice was soft against his head, but Totsuka stared at Fujigaya, his eyes wide with shock. Apparently, this was not the first time that Hashimoto had used this strategy to combat heartbreak. But something about the soft words that Hashimoto spoke into his hair, the firm strong grip, and then the way that Totsuka leaned into them as well, his arms wrapping around the pair of them put Fujigaya at ease.
It would be ok. He was certain that he was not the first or the last Johnny’s to have their heart broken by someone in their own agency, or even their own band no less. But he had good friends. And they would get him through this.
It said something about the bond that A.B.C.-Z had that when the remaining three got back to the room and saw Fujigaya getting smothered by Hashimoto and Totsuka with hugs on the couch, that there was no teasing or mocking (which was a normal and usual occurrence between Fujigaya and A.B.C.-Z, since he was very good friends with Kawai after all), just a six man dog pile of love and hugs, with no questions asked. If he also got a couple of stray kisses on the cheek, and lips, and maybe an attempted French kiss or two (though it was only attempted if it failed) and a grope or two, well, that was also normal A.B.C.-Z.
And it said something about how well Tamamori knew him then when he wandered into the dressing room to get Fujigaya for their work that day that he had canned coffee in hand, and didn't ask any questions, just gave him a searching look. When Fujigaya gave him a smile, a real smile, Tamamori handed him the coffee and started whining about how horrible and clingy Miyata had been that morning. It was so much worse than usual!
Fujigaya found himself chuckling on the way back to the dressing room, and Tamamori related how just this morning Miyata had invaded his personal space and been gross at least ten times already, ten, and how was he supposed to deal with that? He had really good friends, he was certain of that.
When they got back to the Kisumai dressing room, Tamamori paused, giving Fujigaya one more searching glance, and this time, he could say with confidence.
“Don’t worry about it, Tama. I am feeling better now. But thank you.”
And so, with a nod, Tamamori opened the door, calling out as he entered.
“Found him! He was at the bottom of an Ebi dog pile.” Tamamori shook his head, shooting Fujigaya a playful glare. “Goofing off when we are supposed to be getting ready to work isn’t front man behavior, Gaya.”
Fujigaya laughed and mock glared at Tamamori as he re-entered the room. “Learn to skate and then we can talk about proper front man behavior.”
He could hear the others chuckle, the “oy!” That Tamamori let out at the jab, but he knew the other had set him up, and was glad for the opportunity. Looking around the room everything was normal. Kitayama was napping on the couch; Yokoo was scolding Nikaido, who was throwing the contents of his bag everywhere looking for something that he had left behind; Miyata was trying to get Tamamori to come sit next to him on the couch and Tamamori wasn't really resisting, and Senga was trying his best not to laugh at Nikaido, as he was getting scolded by Yokoo. Normal Kisumai dressing room antics.
It would be OK.
At some point during the day he got a message from Hashimoto asking if Fujigaya wanted Fumi-kun to come along as well, or just him and Tottsu, and after replying that it didn't matter either way, Fujigaya tried to put it out of his mind. But during break when he saw Yokoo get Kitayama a bottle of water, the pair of them standing a bit too close, speaking in low whispers, Fujigaya messaged back that he would like him there as well, and Hashimoto almost immediately replied that it was taken care of, and that Fumi-kun was in charge of getting Fujigaya’s favorite ice cream, since out of all of A.B.C.-Z, Kawai knew him best, and it was hard to cheer someone up if you had the wrong ice cream flavor. But the cookies, he was assured, Hashimoto had covered. Hashimoto also assured him that he had all the types of cookies that you could possible want, and milk, since you needed milk with cookies, and he even got his mom to bake some, since his mom’s cookies were the best. He also said that when he had mentioned that Fujigaya was coming over for a slumber party sleep over up in his room with Tottsu and Fumi-kun she had been more than happy to bake all sorts of cookies, and they might even have some of her special pasta for dinner. Hashimoto made sure to comment, though, that it would be up with Hashimoto’s room where they could have some privacy, but her pasta and cookies were worth it. And since she adored Fujigaya, they would be extra special, since they had his mom’s love in them too. So he was extra certain to cheer up.
Which had Fujigaya chuckling into his phone. Only Hashimoto would think that cookies and ice cream and the kotatsu could cure all that ailed him. But then again, Hashimoto was a special kind of magic, and it just might work.
His laughter seemed to put Mitaya at ease since his gaze snapped back to Tamamori as soon as he noticed that Fujigaya had noticed that he was being watched. Which meant that despite the act that he and Tamamori had put on, Miyata was still concerned about him. For good reason as well, but he was trying his best, he really was. And, the one thing he was sure of was that he really did have excellent friends. Even if some of them wouldn't tell him about their budding romance. Maybe they weren’t as good of friends as he had thought, but sometimes that happened.
His thoughts were confirmed, when Tamamori came up to him after rehearsal, asking if he had plans for dinner, and he did not miss the relief that flashed over the others face when he mentioned that he was hanging out with Kawai, Totsuka and Hashimoto that evening.
“Good, you are not yourself today.” His voice was soft, and Fujigaya nodded.
“I know, but it will be better soon. I will try my best.” He answered, just as soft, and Tamamori gave him a hard look.
“Gaya, what happened?” He hissed, and Fujigaya shot a glance to where Yokoo and Kitayama were packing up. He could see the way that Kitayama was leaning slightly in towards Yokoo, and the fond way that Yokoo was shoving Kitayama back out of his way so he could pack.
Ever since Shingo-senpai’s drama they had been getting closer, getting dinners and chatting about the skits and things, so it wasn't that unusual.
“Something happened with them.” Tamamori didn't ask a question, made a statement instead, but Fujigaya shrugged regardless. It wasn't his place to tell Tamamori their business. But he was sure that he would be pouring his heart out to A.B.C.-Z later that evening. And Tamamori had always been his biggest cheerleader when it came to Yokoo.
“You cannot talk about it.” Fujigaya hissed as he shouldered his bag, and Tamamori’s eyes narrowed. But Fujigaya did not want Tamamori to do or say anything about it. And when he thought someone was being an idiot he would talk about it, with sharp and biting words.
“Gaya.” Tamamori shot back.
Fujigaya shook his head, shouldering his walking out.
Tamamori followed closely behind him. When the door closed Fujigaya spun, glaring hard at Tamamori, and the other took a step back into the wall, though his gaze didn't move away from Fujigaya’s.
“You cannot. Not even to Mitaya.” Fujigaya pressed.
“But-“ Tamamori started, but as he watched Fujigaya, saw the tension there, saw something there he nodded, his voice soft. “I promise.”
Tamamori managed to only jump slightly when Fujigaya stepped forward and placed his head on Tamamori’s shoulder.
“Sorry, but…” Fujigaya paused, and Tamamori just hmmed, one hand making its way to Fujigaya’s shoulder, fingers tracing idle patterns of comfort there. Tamamori wasn't huge on physical touch, and Fujigaya was exceptionally picky about it, but this time, it seemed OK.
“This morning, I walked in on Watta and Mitsu kissing. And not in the I want to fuck your brains out way.”
Tamamori whimpered slightly at the word choice but he stayed silent, his hand tightening slightly on Fujigaya’s shoulder. Tamamori could see Hashimoto and Totsuka down the hallway watching them, but they made no move to come get Fujigaya, yet.
“It was the way that Miyata looks at you, and that Mitsu looks at food.”
Again, Tamamori made a noise of distress in his throat, but at the same time he wrapped his other arm around Fujigaya, pulling him close. He could see where this was going, and he didn't like it, not in the least.
“And it was the same way that Senga looks at Nika, and the way that Hasshi looks at Tottsu. The I am utterly and totally in love with you kind of gaze.” Fujigaya’s voice cracked.
“I don't stand a chance with that, Tama.” Fujigaya allowed himself to he held a moment longer, stepped away as he heard noises near the door of their dressing room.
“Tai-“ Tamamori started, but Fujigaya flashed him his best smile, though his voice was still a whisper.
“Thank you, Tama, but I will be fine. Hasshi, and Tottsu and Fumi will spoil me tonight, and then in the morning, or at least sometime soon, I will wish them the best. I want them to be happy, both of them.” He could not keep the wistful note out his voice, and Tamamori gasped, his eyes widening.
“Taipi…” He made it a question, and for a moment, Fujigaya didn't answer, just looked down at the ground.
“I don't have to tell Watta not to hurt Mitsu, since he never would. But if Mitsu hurts him, I will rip his balls off.”
Fujigaya couldn’t help but laugh at the utterly horrified face that Tamamori made at that statement, and he found himself smiling weakly at Tamamori. “It's a secret, Tama, remember.”
Tamamori nodded, and then Fujigaya was off, walking down the hall and calling out to Hashimoto and Totsuka that he was sorry for the delay. After a moment the door to their dressing room opened and Miyata stepped out, his face serious as he watched Fujigaya laugh and joke with the pair from A.B.C.-Z.
“Something went wrong, and he isn’t ok, is he?” Was all Miyata asked, and Tamamori just sighed, shuffling back into the room to get his bag. Sometimes, often times, his band gave him a headache. Except he had promised, and for now he would let it be.
~~~
It took a couple of days until he and Kitayama had a pair photo shoot for a magazine. Sleepover with cookies and pasta at Hashimoto’s had done a lot to help him. When they had finally gotten him to talk though Kawai had threated to kill Kitayama for him, and Totsuka had looked utterly horrified and sad at the same time. Hashimoto had looked just as sad and horrified as he was, and smothered him in hugs all evening. Though hugs had turned to groping and kissing, both from Kawai and Hashimoto, and then Totsuka as well, and that had lead to other things, Fujigaya was certain that Hashimoto’s Mom must be the biggest Johnny’s fan ever, since the next morning she just gave them a smile that rivaled Miyata’s when a particularly good new Miyatama doujinshi came out. Which was a little weird. Ok, maybe a lot weird. But all she had done was asked if Fujigaya-kun was feeling better, packed him a ton of cookies to go, and told him to come over any time that he was feeling down, and she would make him even more cookies. Hashimoto had beamed and bragged that his mom was the best.
But he knew what he had to do.
And so, when the pair shoot was done and only Kitayama was left to do his solo shoots, since Fujigaya had done his first that morning, he spoke.
“Hey, Kitayama.” His voice was soft as they photographers checked the last shot, making sure that it really was OK before Fujigaya was allowed to leave.
Kitayama hmmed, glancing at Fujigaya out of the corner of his eye.
“I-I saw you and Watta the other day. And-“ He could see Kitayama pale, even beneath his makeup, and Fujigaya just smiled at the other, shaking his head in a way that should have indicated that Kitayama didn't need to freak out about it, but that really only served to make the other pale more. Then the photographer called out that Fujigaya was done, and he could go. Fujigaya turned to look at Kitayama, staring into his eyes for a moment. “Just, take care of him. I wouldn't want to give him to anyone else. But you both deserve happiness.”
And then, as Kitayama stared at him, his mouth hanging open slightly in shock, Fujigaya was calling out his thanks to the staff for working hard, and apologizing for leaving before them, and then the doors to the studio closed behind him, and he allowed himself to crumble back against the wall, taking a few deep breaths and trying to fight bag the burning in his eyes. He would not cry.
How had he even gotten into this mess?
Pairings: KitayamaxFujigayaxYokoo, YokooxFujigaya, and KitayamaxFujigaya. I am sure that there will be some NikaxSenga and MiyataxTamamori in there, but that isn't the focus. Also mentioned TotsukaxHashimoto. And FujugaxaxA.B.C.-Z in various configurations of group love.
Summary: Fujigaya loves Yokoo. However, recently he realized that he might also love Kitayama. Which causes a bit of a problem since it appears that Yokoo and Kitayama already have something going on.
Warning: Angst and eventual happy ending. But Gaya's life is hard.
Authors notes: So, I have found a new muse for fiction. Which is great. Since I love being able to write again. But it seems like they lend themselves to angst remarkably well. Oops. And I love the idea of the three of them in most configurations involving Taipi. So this fic, and another one that I am working on, are the result of rim1789 and I flailing on facebook about Kisumai. I blame her for me adding Kisumai and A.B.C.-Z to my fandom repertoire and while I regret nothing my wallet does. So much regret in the wallet. But, fandom brings happiness. And it is obvious that Gaya has a thing for Watta. So so so obvious. And Watta likes playing hard to get, at least on J-web. And Mitsu and Gaya have... something going on. And so, from that, this idea was born.
But, rim1789, darling, this is for you. When you have time to stop with some of the school work and enjoy it. More soon, I promise.
Also, a huge thanks and shout out to thoroughlynerdy my most epic beta despite this not being her fandom.
Now:
While he knew that he was still young, and had a lot to learn there were some things that Fujigaya Taisuke was certain of. First, he loved being an idol, and making fans happy. Second, he was sure that being an idol was hard work, and he had to do a lot of things that he didn't really enjoy, but it made the fans happy. Next, he was utterly and completely in love with Yokoo Wataru, one of his best friends, and the person that always, without fail, made his heart go doki doki even over the stupidest things. Finally, and shockingly, he might also be in love with Kitayama Hiromitsu. The fourth one was a new revelation, and one that he should perhaps not have found as shocking as he did, but as he gazed at Kitayama, laying on the couch gazing up in adoration at Yokoo, and Yokoo running his hands through Kitayama’s hair with a fond smile that was usually reserved for his sister’s children and his pets, Fujigaya’s heart hurt.
Not just because he wanted to be the one lying in Yokoo’s lap, getting that fond smile.
But because he also wanted to be the one that Kitayama gazed up at in adoration like that.
He was so totally screwed.
He watched them for a moment longer, through the partially open door. They were talking softly, Yokoo’s eyes narrowed in laughter, though he never stopped touching Kitayama, who was grinning up at Yokoo. It wasn't a smirk, not like the ones he usually gave Fujigaya, but a gentle smile, and he leaned into the others touch, his chuckle low.
They looked so happy. And then Yokoo shifted, leaning down to place a kiss on Kitayama’s forehead, but Kitayama shifted, brushing his lips against Yokoo’s, and the smile that Yokoo gave Kitayama, Fujigaya did not have the words for it. Nor did he have the words to describe the answering smile that Kitayama gave in return.
He wanted that. Both of those. He wanted to be the one that Yokoo smiled at like that.
He wanted to be the one that Kitayama kissed with such tender fondness.
He wanted to be both of them.
He was so, so, so very much screwed.
And so, with one last envious glance at the scene, he slowly shuffled away and back down the hallway. A.B.C.-Z was somewhere in the building, and now seemed like a really good time for a Hashimoto-hug. He might even let Kawai give him a hug, which was saying something about the state of his heart since he and Kawai were close, but not huggy kind of close. Much more like the laugh, and joke, and play pranks on each other close. But a hug sounded really good right now. Though Watta-hugs were the best, he wouldn't be getting one of those any time soon.
He would be happy for them. He really would. Since Yokoo was his most important person. And he looked happy there with Kitayama. And Kitayama was also, apparently, his other most important person. Except that Fujigaya knew that he wasn't supposed to love anyone but Yokoo. From the beginning, it was always Yokoo. And you were only supposed to have one true love. And he would have sworn until recently that his one and only true love was Yokoo. Expect apparently it wasn't, since he also cared a great deal for (he wouldn’t call it love, since that would be silly, and what he felt for Kitayama wasn't the same as what he felt for Yokoo) Kitayama.
But they had each other.
But he had thought… it didn't really matter now.
And while he was confused, very confused, exceptionally confused, he loved Yokoo enough to wish him all the happiness in the world, even if that meant it was with Kitayama. Even if it meant that neither of them loved him.
So he would hide out for a bit, and then, when he was able, he would ask Kitayama to take good care of Yokoo. Since, as much as he hated to admit it, if he could trust anyone with his (except that he wasn't his) Watta, it would be Kitayama.
As he shuffled down the hallway he called out a soft hello to Miyata and Tamamori, coming in together from a sleepover, most likely. Tamamori was always a little softer with Miyata, walked a little closer to him when they had spent the night together. He might deny the attraction, and he and Miyata were in the same boat, constantly professing their love for someone who wasn't responding as they would like, but at least Miyata got to be close to the one that he loved. He was certain that one day Tamamori would realize that he was, and always had been in love with Miyata. Yokoo on the other hand… that wouldn't happen now. He really should have known. After all these years, and after all the denied invitations. But he had hoped that Yokoo was just playing hard to get. Turns out that perhaps he wasn't playing, he just was hard to get.
And now he was sad again. The fond smile he had thrown at Miyata and Tamamori fading into a frown. He could see the look of concern that they both gave him, but he straightened up with a smile, waving to them both as he passed. He had on his idol smile, and from the way that Tamamori stopped, staring at him as if he could read Fujigaya’s mind by the force of his will was a testament to how well they knew him after all these years.
But then again, he wore his heart on his sleeve.
However, first and foremost he was an idol. And a Johnny’s. And idols did their best for the fans at all times. Even when it hurt. But he was Fujigaya Taisuke, the F of Kis-My-Ft2 and broken hearted or not, he would give his all. For the fans, and for himself.
He just wished that they had told him. He had thought that they were friends, maybe even best friends. And so it would have been nice if Yokoo had told him that he had feelings for Kitayama, that there was something there. If he had known, Fujigaya would have backed off, would have confessed his undying love and adoration and admiration for Yokoo less. But the fact that there was something there, and that he had not told Fujigaya about it, that hurt more than anything.
Which was in part why he wanted to talk to Hashimoto. Hashimoto and Totsuka were probably going to eternally be together. But Hashimoto had worked hard to get Totsuka to admit his love. He wanted to know what Hashimoto would have done, had Totsuka admitted to loving another. Since Hashimoto’s love was probably one of the purest and most innocent things that Fujigaya had ever had the privilege of watching evolve.
Not to say that there wasn't a lot of kinky and scandalous things going on in A.B.C.-Z, but Hashimoto’s love for Totsuka was something that he had hoped that he and Yokoo would have. Apparently that was not the case. And Fujigaya already knew that Hashimoto would answer. ‘If Totsuka is happy, that is enough for me. Anything that makes Totsuka happy, makes me happy. Because I love him’.
But as soon as Fujigaya would ask about it, Hashimoto would smother him in love, and Hasshi-hugs, and that would make him feel better. It was impossible not to in the face of the force that was Hashimoto, after all.
So if that short, annoying (sometimes, ok most of the time, cute) midget made Yokoo happy, then who was Fujigaya to stand in their way?
And so, when Fujigaya snuck into the A.B.C.-Z dressing room, he was not surprised to see Totsuka and Hashimoto on the couch, Hashimoto sprawled out across Totsuka’s lap. The others were nowhere to be found, which was something of a relief. But the way that Totsuka was running his hand through Hashimoto’s hair, the way that he was looking up at Totsuka, it was exactly like Yokoo and Kitayama moments before.
And that thought made his breath catch in his throat. They really were in love. He was sure of it. He had hoped that maybe, maybe the kiss meant something else, but they looked exactly like these two, and there was no doubt of their love.
The catch of his breath was enough to draw their attention to him, both calling out a greeting. But when he walked up to the couch, offering them a sullen hello, Hashimoto sat up, eying Fujigaya in alarm.
Fujigaya sat down, leaning into Hashimoto, and the others arms automatically wrapped around him, hugging him tight. Fujigaya sighed, burying his head in Hashimoto’s arms, wrapping his own around the younger man’s, pulling them closer so that Hashimoto hugged him tighter.
“’S wrong?” His voice was worried.
It took Fujigaya a moment to answer, and when he did, his voice was muffled, distorted by the tight grip that Hashimoto had on him, and his words caused Hashimoto’s grip to tighten even more on him.
“Hasshi, what would you have done it you realized that Tottsu loved someone else?”
He could tell that Totsuka couldn't really hear what Fujigaya had said, but Hashimoto clearly had, squeezing Fujigaya as close as he could, his breath hot and warm against Fujigaya’s check as he buried his head against Fujigaya’s. For a few long moments he didn't let go, when then he shifted, turning his head to look at Totsuka.
“Hey, Tottsu, you don't mind if Taipi comes home with us tonight, right?” It wasn't a question, not really, but it did have Totsuka shifting on the couch in alarm, searching him for obvious signs of injury or trauma.
“It’s OK, Hasshi, I don't want to-“
“You are coming home with us.” His grip was firm and strong around Fujigaya, just as firm as his voice, and he found that he didn't want to argue. Not really.
“We will have cookies, and ice cream, and kotatsu time, and maybe some drinks but that might not be the best idea at the moment, and then you will feel better.” Hashimoto’s voice was soft against his head, but Totsuka stared at Fujigaya, his eyes wide with shock. Apparently, this was not the first time that Hashimoto had used this strategy to combat heartbreak. But something about the soft words that Hashimoto spoke into his hair, the firm strong grip, and then the way that Totsuka leaned into them as well, his arms wrapping around the pair of them put Fujigaya at ease.
It would be ok. He was certain that he was not the first or the last Johnny’s to have their heart broken by someone in their own agency, or even their own band no less. But he had good friends. And they would get him through this.
It said something about the bond that A.B.C.-Z had that when the remaining three got back to the room and saw Fujigaya getting smothered by Hashimoto and Totsuka with hugs on the couch, that there was no teasing or mocking (which was a normal and usual occurrence between Fujigaya and A.B.C.-Z, since he was very good friends with Kawai after all), just a six man dog pile of love and hugs, with no questions asked. If he also got a couple of stray kisses on the cheek, and lips, and maybe an attempted French kiss or two (though it was only attempted if it failed) and a grope or two, well, that was also normal A.B.C.-Z.
And it said something about how well Tamamori knew him then when he wandered into the dressing room to get Fujigaya for their work that day that he had canned coffee in hand, and didn't ask any questions, just gave him a searching look. When Fujigaya gave him a smile, a real smile, Tamamori handed him the coffee and started whining about how horrible and clingy Miyata had been that morning. It was so much worse than usual!
Fujigaya found himself chuckling on the way back to the dressing room, and Tamamori related how just this morning Miyata had invaded his personal space and been gross at least ten times already, ten, and how was he supposed to deal with that? He had really good friends, he was certain of that.
When they got back to the Kisumai dressing room, Tamamori paused, giving Fujigaya one more searching glance, and this time, he could say with confidence.
“Don’t worry about it, Tama. I am feeling better now. But thank you.”
And so, with a nod, Tamamori opened the door, calling out as he entered.
“Found him! He was at the bottom of an Ebi dog pile.” Tamamori shook his head, shooting Fujigaya a playful glare. “Goofing off when we are supposed to be getting ready to work isn’t front man behavior, Gaya.”
Fujigaya laughed and mock glared at Tamamori as he re-entered the room. “Learn to skate and then we can talk about proper front man behavior.”
He could hear the others chuckle, the “oy!” That Tamamori let out at the jab, but he knew the other had set him up, and was glad for the opportunity. Looking around the room everything was normal. Kitayama was napping on the couch; Yokoo was scolding Nikaido, who was throwing the contents of his bag everywhere looking for something that he had left behind; Miyata was trying to get Tamamori to come sit next to him on the couch and Tamamori wasn't really resisting, and Senga was trying his best not to laugh at Nikaido, as he was getting scolded by Yokoo. Normal Kisumai dressing room antics.
It would be OK.
At some point during the day he got a message from Hashimoto asking if Fujigaya wanted Fumi-kun to come along as well, or just him and Tottsu, and after replying that it didn't matter either way, Fujigaya tried to put it out of his mind. But during break when he saw Yokoo get Kitayama a bottle of water, the pair of them standing a bit too close, speaking in low whispers, Fujigaya messaged back that he would like him there as well, and Hashimoto almost immediately replied that it was taken care of, and that Fumi-kun was in charge of getting Fujigaya’s favorite ice cream, since out of all of A.B.C.-Z, Kawai knew him best, and it was hard to cheer someone up if you had the wrong ice cream flavor. But the cookies, he was assured, Hashimoto had covered. Hashimoto also assured him that he had all the types of cookies that you could possible want, and milk, since you needed milk with cookies, and he even got his mom to bake some, since his mom’s cookies were the best. He also said that when he had mentioned that Fujigaya was coming over for a slumber party sleep over up in his room with Tottsu and Fumi-kun she had been more than happy to bake all sorts of cookies, and they might even have some of her special pasta for dinner. Hashimoto made sure to comment, though, that it would be up with Hashimoto’s room where they could have some privacy, but her pasta and cookies were worth it. And since she adored Fujigaya, they would be extra special, since they had his mom’s love in them too. So he was extra certain to cheer up.
Which had Fujigaya chuckling into his phone. Only Hashimoto would think that cookies and ice cream and the kotatsu could cure all that ailed him. But then again, Hashimoto was a special kind of magic, and it just might work.
His laughter seemed to put Mitaya at ease since his gaze snapped back to Tamamori as soon as he noticed that Fujigaya had noticed that he was being watched. Which meant that despite the act that he and Tamamori had put on, Miyata was still concerned about him. For good reason as well, but he was trying his best, he really was. And, the one thing he was sure of was that he really did have excellent friends. Even if some of them wouldn't tell him about their budding romance. Maybe they weren’t as good of friends as he had thought, but sometimes that happened.
His thoughts were confirmed, when Tamamori came up to him after rehearsal, asking if he had plans for dinner, and he did not miss the relief that flashed over the others face when he mentioned that he was hanging out with Kawai, Totsuka and Hashimoto that evening.
“Good, you are not yourself today.” His voice was soft, and Fujigaya nodded.
“I know, but it will be better soon. I will try my best.” He answered, just as soft, and Tamamori gave him a hard look.
“Gaya, what happened?” He hissed, and Fujigaya shot a glance to where Yokoo and Kitayama were packing up. He could see the way that Kitayama was leaning slightly in towards Yokoo, and the fond way that Yokoo was shoving Kitayama back out of his way so he could pack.
Ever since Shingo-senpai’s drama they had been getting closer, getting dinners and chatting about the skits and things, so it wasn't that unusual.
“Something happened with them.” Tamamori didn't ask a question, made a statement instead, but Fujigaya shrugged regardless. It wasn't his place to tell Tamamori their business. But he was sure that he would be pouring his heart out to A.B.C.-Z later that evening. And Tamamori had always been his biggest cheerleader when it came to Yokoo.
“You cannot talk about it.” Fujigaya hissed as he shouldered his bag, and Tamamori’s eyes narrowed. But Fujigaya did not want Tamamori to do or say anything about it. And when he thought someone was being an idiot he would talk about it, with sharp and biting words.
“Gaya.” Tamamori shot back.
Fujigaya shook his head, shouldering his walking out.
Tamamori followed closely behind him. When the door closed Fujigaya spun, glaring hard at Tamamori, and the other took a step back into the wall, though his gaze didn't move away from Fujigaya’s.
“You cannot. Not even to Mitaya.” Fujigaya pressed.
“But-“ Tamamori started, but as he watched Fujigaya, saw the tension there, saw something there he nodded, his voice soft. “I promise.”
Tamamori managed to only jump slightly when Fujigaya stepped forward and placed his head on Tamamori’s shoulder.
“Sorry, but…” Fujigaya paused, and Tamamori just hmmed, one hand making its way to Fujigaya’s shoulder, fingers tracing idle patterns of comfort there. Tamamori wasn't huge on physical touch, and Fujigaya was exceptionally picky about it, but this time, it seemed OK.
“This morning, I walked in on Watta and Mitsu kissing. And not in the I want to fuck your brains out way.”
Tamamori whimpered slightly at the word choice but he stayed silent, his hand tightening slightly on Fujigaya’s shoulder. Tamamori could see Hashimoto and Totsuka down the hallway watching them, but they made no move to come get Fujigaya, yet.
“It was the way that Miyata looks at you, and that Mitsu looks at food.”
Again, Tamamori made a noise of distress in his throat, but at the same time he wrapped his other arm around Fujigaya, pulling him close. He could see where this was going, and he didn't like it, not in the least.
“And it was the same way that Senga looks at Nika, and the way that Hasshi looks at Tottsu. The I am utterly and totally in love with you kind of gaze.” Fujigaya’s voice cracked.
“I don't stand a chance with that, Tama.” Fujigaya allowed himself to he held a moment longer, stepped away as he heard noises near the door of their dressing room.
“Tai-“ Tamamori started, but Fujigaya flashed him his best smile, though his voice was still a whisper.
“Thank you, Tama, but I will be fine. Hasshi, and Tottsu and Fumi will spoil me tonight, and then in the morning, or at least sometime soon, I will wish them the best. I want them to be happy, both of them.” He could not keep the wistful note out his voice, and Tamamori gasped, his eyes widening.
“Taipi…” He made it a question, and for a moment, Fujigaya didn't answer, just looked down at the ground.
“I don't have to tell Watta not to hurt Mitsu, since he never would. But if Mitsu hurts him, I will rip his balls off.”
Fujigaya couldn’t help but laugh at the utterly horrified face that Tamamori made at that statement, and he found himself smiling weakly at Tamamori. “It's a secret, Tama, remember.”
Tamamori nodded, and then Fujigaya was off, walking down the hall and calling out to Hashimoto and Totsuka that he was sorry for the delay. After a moment the door to their dressing room opened and Miyata stepped out, his face serious as he watched Fujigaya laugh and joke with the pair from A.B.C.-Z.
“Something went wrong, and he isn’t ok, is he?” Was all Miyata asked, and Tamamori just sighed, shuffling back into the room to get his bag. Sometimes, often times, his band gave him a headache. Except he had promised, and for now he would let it be.
~~~
It took a couple of days until he and Kitayama had a pair photo shoot for a magazine. Sleepover with cookies and pasta at Hashimoto’s had done a lot to help him. When they had finally gotten him to talk though Kawai had threated to kill Kitayama for him, and Totsuka had looked utterly horrified and sad at the same time. Hashimoto had looked just as sad and horrified as he was, and smothered him in hugs all evening. Though hugs had turned to groping and kissing, both from Kawai and Hashimoto, and then Totsuka as well, and that had lead to other things, Fujigaya was certain that Hashimoto’s Mom must be the biggest Johnny’s fan ever, since the next morning she just gave them a smile that rivaled Miyata’s when a particularly good new Miyatama doujinshi came out. Which was a little weird. Ok, maybe a lot weird. But all she had done was asked if Fujigaya-kun was feeling better, packed him a ton of cookies to go, and told him to come over any time that he was feeling down, and she would make him even more cookies. Hashimoto had beamed and bragged that his mom was the best.
But he knew what he had to do.
And so, when the pair shoot was done and only Kitayama was left to do his solo shoots, since Fujigaya had done his first that morning, he spoke.
“Hey, Kitayama.” His voice was soft as they photographers checked the last shot, making sure that it really was OK before Fujigaya was allowed to leave.
Kitayama hmmed, glancing at Fujigaya out of the corner of his eye.
“I-I saw you and Watta the other day. And-“ He could see Kitayama pale, even beneath his makeup, and Fujigaya just smiled at the other, shaking his head in a way that should have indicated that Kitayama didn't need to freak out about it, but that really only served to make the other pale more. Then the photographer called out that Fujigaya was done, and he could go. Fujigaya turned to look at Kitayama, staring into his eyes for a moment. “Just, take care of him. I wouldn't want to give him to anyone else. But you both deserve happiness.”
And then, as Kitayama stared at him, his mouth hanging open slightly in shock, Fujigaya was calling out his thanks to the staff for working hard, and apologizing for leaving before them, and then the doors to the studio closed behind him, and he allowed himself to crumble back against the wall, taking a few deep breaths and trying to fight bag the burning in his eyes. He would not cry.
How had he even gotten into this mess?