Willpower and contingency plans (Fujikita)
Title: Willpower and contingency plans
Pairing: FujikitaxKitayama - kind of
Appearances by: SMYT2, Tsukada and Kawai (A.B.C-Z)
Summary: This time, he really means it. Never again will he let Kitayama talk him into taking him home.
Warning: Not happy. And angtsy. And not happy.
Reposted from shiritori at writetomyheart
He means it this time, he really does.
In all of their years together, he knows the other, and how he works.
And so, when he wakes up alone the next morning, again, and for the fifth time in two weeks, he really does mean it this time.
He, Fujigaya Taisuke, swears by all that he holds dear, his love of the fans, and by his darling Tinkerbell, that he will not, ever again, let Kitayama come home with him. At least not for any of the intended reasons that Kitayama kept asking to come over for. And by intended reason he means sex.
However, he meant it the last four times as well. And the promise didn't make him feel any better about himself as he dragged himself out of bed, the apartment empty and all traces of Kitayama gone, as usual.
If he knew the other had shooting for filming or an interview or anything for work, he wouldn't mind (as much). Or, even if the other left a note, or a message. But what would happen every single time, was that Fujigaya would wake up to an empty apartment, and he would get ready for work, start feeling bad as he started thinking about the fact that Kitayama was obviously just using him for sex. Then he would start wondering why he would even say yes knowing how the entire situation was going to end, then he would start feeling even worse when he had to admit that, in spite of all of his very flimsy and unbelievable protests he really did care a great deal for the shorter man.
Which is about when he would get to work, feeling like the lowest of low human being, since who lets themselves get used by someone they care about for sex (bad drunken sex most times no less). And he would only start feeling even worse when Kitayama would come strolling in, all happy smiles and annoyance, poking fun at Fujigaya the moment he entered, commenting that the other needed to get more sleep since he looked like shit, and that his fashion was lacking that day, or that his hair was flat and blah looking, and what was up with that, and any number of other things that would set him more on edge.
It was as if Kitayama did not remember sneaking out of Fujigaya’s apartment at unknown hours of the morning and taking a train (or taxi, he had no clue really) home. Kitayama would pretend it had never happened, any of the times. He wouldn't talk about it, wouldn't ever bring it up, and despite fandom or archetypal opinion, Fujigaya much preferred to maintain the peace of the band than to argue with Kitayama.
He didn't have to work with the other for a few days, which would give him time to strengthen his resolve. Really. Since he meant it this time. Sadly, they were all supposed to have dinner together, to celebrate the opening of Kitayama’s butai and Senga’s movie, and there would be a lot of drinking. They had already reserved a room at an izakaya. Which also meant that there would be drunkenness, which is when Kitayama always managed to convince Fujigaya to take him home. But not this time, since this time he had a plan.
It was easy to set up, when the people that he normally messaged got fewer than normal messages from him, and they were concerned about him. It was also easy to set up when he saw members of his band, and they could see that something was off with him.
A brilliant and fool proof and perhaps cowardly plan, but a plan nonetheless.
And while he might be indebted to people that he would rather not be indebted to at the end of the night, he was certain that the plan would work.
Or at the very least keep him from letting Kitayama talk him into taking the other home, and then feeling used in the morning. Which was important. Self respect in the Johnny’s and idol industry was hard to maintain with all the stupid things that he needed to do, and he didn't need to not be able to look at himself in the mirror after letting Kitayama fuck him and leave while he was sleeping (again).
And so, as the night went on, and Kitayama started to get closer and closer to him, since the other always ended up sitting next to him on the bench, and then when talking and gesturing to those across the table he would lean closer and closer to Fujigaya, until his leg was pressed against Fujigaya’s on the bench that they shared.
As soon as they sat down at the table Fujigaya knew that this would be another normal night. He was pressed up against Yokoo, and Kitayama was pressed up against him. It left the youngest four to squish into the other side of the booth. Which was not a hardship and Nikaido and Senga had no sense of personal space, and Miyata always loved any reason to press up against Tamamori, who was not really protesting at all.
And so, if he sat a little closer to Yokoo that he usually did, well who could blame him? And while the others shot him looks from across the table, it did not stop them from laughing at him when he jumped every time that Kitayama got a little too close, and they would tease him that it was the off time, he should try and relax a little. But Tamamori watched with a questioning gaze, which only got more questioning when Yokoo of all people, was more touchy and clingy with Fujigaya than evening than not.
However, at some point, as is inevitable during a multiple hour celebratory drinking party, toilet breaks were necessary. Which was when Kitayama struck. Kitayama had to stand to let Fujigaya out of the booth. But, as Fujigaya scooted out of the booth and stood, Kitayama struck, pressing into him and asking if he could come over that night. Except he did in as he pushed past Fujigaya, sitting back down in the booth, so it looked normal, or as normal as anything with the two of them ever got.
Except, what he obviously did not expect, was for Fujigaya to not react at all (since he usually would with a nod or a blush or something), and just go to the toilet, and then come back, gratefully sinking down into the seat that Tamamori had vacated. Whether he meant to or not, Tamamori was helping with his plan. Taking a survey of the table, Tamamori was chatting animatedly with Kitayama and Yokoo, while Miyata was trying to feed Senga and Nikaido bits of yakitori at the same time, and failing miserably since all of them were drunk, but that did not prevent them from laughing and having a good time. And Tamamori’s proximity to Kitayama did not prevent Kitayama from trying to catch Fujigaya’s eye. Which he managed to do, when Fujigaya looked up from his phone where he was checking the progress of his escape plan. He had put it in motion the instant he was out of site of the rest of his band.
But the surprise and shock on Kitayama’s face when Fujigaya shook his head no was palpable, as Tamamori paused in his narration and asked Kitayama if he was alright? The other played it off, commenting on how he was surprised that Tamamori still had issues with which foot that his skates went on (since that was the current story that he was narrating) and that it was no wonder he had such issues skating when he couldn't even put them on the correct feet.
Which was enough to get everyone else started on their skating woes, and how hard it was, and why couldn't their band have another gimmick, even if this was part of what got them to debut, since really, were they going to be 40 and still skating in glittering swooshy bits? And while Fujigaya would usually chime in and comment on innate inherent front man abilities, and things that like, this night he just looked at his phone, checking the time, and for messages from his escape plan.
He was only slightly surprised when he got a message from Yokoo.
To: Taipi
From: Watta
You ok? You are quieter than usual…. is it THAT again?
From: Taipi
To: Watta
It is, and he asked, but I said no. And will be leaving shortly.
When Yokoo read the message he raised an eyebrow in surprise, but Fujigaya just flashed him a small smile, though he could feel Kitayama’s gaze on him, and was not surprised when he got a message from the other a moment later.
From: Kitayama
To: Taipi
Why not?
He was saved from having to answer by a familiar voice carrying down the hall, and a familiar pair of faces slipping into the room.
“Sorry guy, but we have to steal Taisuke from you. Important plans for the night and we lent him to you for long enough.” Kawai looked around with a leer and a joking smile, pulling Fujigaya up from his seat and pushing him (somewhat gently) into Tsukada’s waiting arms. Tsukada easily complied with an embrace and a suggestive leer, laughing at the ‘eeeew, gross’ comments that everyone knew Tamamori didn't mean.
“Watta, can you pass me his bag and things? I can see that he isn’t ready, as usual.” Kawai continued with a put on sigh, and Yokoo easily gathered up Fujigaya’s things, passing them to the other. Fujigaya could see the slight surprise on his band’s faces, and the understanding on Yokoo and Tamamori’s, which was mirrored by the utter shock on Kitayama’s.
“But, it’s our celebration party.” He commented, motioning to Senga. “To celebrate my butai and Ken-chan’s movie.”
“And I am sorry, but I already rescheduled this a few times and this was the only night that it worked. You will forgive me, right Senga?” Fujigaya’s lie slipped mostly easily from his lips, and Senga shot a glance at Kitayama, then back to Fujigaya, noting the tension, and the way that both Tsukada and Kawai stood between Fujigaya and Kitayama, before he nodded, flashing a wide smile.
“Of course. This just means that we will have to party extra long for the Kamen Teacher movie next month. You guys will come too, right, Tsuka-chan? Since you and Taipi are both in the movie” Senga turned large, guileless eyes towards the pair. “It would be nice to have a party with Ebikisu again.
“Of course, of course.” Tsukada laughed easily, chatting with Senga to mail him the details as soon as they were available, which gave Kawai time to slip out of the room with Fujigaya before the rest of Kisumai, or at least Kitayama noticed.
Except that was not quite how things happened. Since Kawai and Fujigaya were waiting in the cold, near the car, for Tsukada, who came out of the izakaya with Kitayama in close pursuit, and Yokoo rushing as close behind as he could to not cause suspicion.
Which was worthless when Kitayama stormed up to Fujigaya and shoved him up roughly against the car, hands fisted in his jacket.
“Why are you ditching me?” His voice was loud enough that the others could hear, and Yokoo looked like he was going to intervene but Kawai held up a hand, his eyes trained on the pair.
It was the most direct that Kitayama had ever been about their thing, though Fujigaya was not sure that it was even a thing, or if that was really what he was referring to.
“I am not, I am going out with friends, and I will probably crash at their place.”
“But why tonight. Tonight was our night. You always let me come home with you on nights like this.”
Despite everyone there being aware of that fact, it was the first time that Kitayama had ever admitted it.
“And every time I wish that I hadn’t.” Fujigaya was just as direct, and he could feel the way that Kitayama tensed against him, as if he had hit the other man.
“What? Why?” His words were a little slurred, a little but drunk, but the hurt there was real. He stepped back to look at Fujigaya more clearly, searching his face for signs and answers. Which he wouldn't get.
“Why?” Fujigaya hissed, his voice low enough to not cause a scene but no less filled with emotion. “You really want to know why? You honestly don't know why?”
Kitayama nodded. “I thought we had something. You are the only one I go home with and I..” He stopped speaking when Fujigaya choked out a bitter laugh.
“Just going home with me isn’t a thing, Mitsu. Using me from sex isn’t a thing.”
“But I am not using you for sex.” Kitayama hissed back, stepping closer again and Fujigaya laughed, side stepping so Kitayama could not get any closer.
“Well is sure as fuck isn’t a relationship. The first time you were so drunk that you called out someone else’s name, though you did apologize. Since that makes it all better. And then were gone in the morning. I should have learned. The second time you were asleep as soon as you were satisfied, leaving me in a rather awkward situation. And then you were gone by the time I finished in the shower. After that I promised never again. Since what is the point if I don't get anything but shame and unfulfilled desired out of it?”
Kitayama gaped at him, his mouth opening and closing, and he could hear Yokoo draw in a sharp breath. He had given the other the basic, but never this much detail, for the peace of the band.
“It isn’t a thing if you are gone every damned time I wake up, and then when you act like nothing happened. I don't like feeling used, and forgotten, so I will say it again, out loud, and I mean it this time. You. Will. Never. Come. Home. With. Me. Again.” He punctuated each word, and while he voice did not increase in volume it did, as he allowed all of his anger, and pain, and suffering to come out with the words.
And with that he allowed Kawai and Tsukada to bundle him into the car, as Yokoo pulled a still gaping Kitayama out of the path of the car, since it seemed like an opportune time to make an escape.
“But, I like you…” Were the soft words that carried to him, Kitayama sounding hurt and broken, and in spite of him self, Fujigaya felt his heart clench at the words. He wanted to believe the other man. Since he did actually care for Kitayama. But all he could think of to reply, as Kitayama watched them drive off, was
“You sure have a fucked up way of showing it.”
Pairing: FujikitaxKitayama - kind of
Appearances by: SMYT2, Tsukada and Kawai (A.B.C-Z)
Summary: This time, he really means it. Never again will he let Kitayama talk him into taking him home.
Warning: Not happy. And angtsy. And not happy.
Reposted from shiritori at writetomyheart
He means it this time, he really does.
In all of their years together, he knows the other, and how he works.
And so, when he wakes up alone the next morning, again, and for the fifth time in two weeks, he really does mean it this time.
He, Fujigaya Taisuke, swears by all that he holds dear, his love of the fans, and by his darling Tinkerbell, that he will not, ever again, let Kitayama come home with him. At least not for any of the intended reasons that Kitayama kept asking to come over for. And by intended reason he means sex.
However, he meant it the last four times as well. And the promise didn't make him feel any better about himself as he dragged himself out of bed, the apartment empty and all traces of Kitayama gone, as usual.
If he knew the other had shooting for filming or an interview or anything for work, he wouldn't mind (as much). Or, even if the other left a note, or a message. But what would happen every single time, was that Fujigaya would wake up to an empty apartment, and he would get ready for work, start feeling bad as he started thinking about the fact that Kitayama was obviously just using him for sex. Then he would start wondering why he would even say yes knowing how the entire situation was going to end, then he would start feeling even worse when he had to admit that, in spite of all of his very flimsy and unbelievable protests he really did care a great deal for the shorter man.
Which is about when he would get to work, feeling like the lowest of low human being, since who lets themselves get used by someone they care about for sex (bad drunken sex most times no less). And he would only start feeling even worse when Kitayama would come strolling in, all happy smiles and annoyance, poking fun at Fujigaya the moment he entered, commenting that the other needed to get more sleep since he looked like shit, and that his fashion was lacking that day, or that his hair was flat and blah looking, and what was up with that, and any number of other things that would set him more on edge.
It was as if Kitayama did not remember sneaking out of Fujigaya’s apartment at unknown hours of the morning and taking a train (or taxi, he had no clue really) home. Kitayama would pretend it had never happened, any of the times. He wouldn't talk about it, wouldn't ever bring it up, and despite fandom or archetypal opinion, Fujigaya much preferred to maintain the peace of the band than to argue with Kitayama.
He didn't have to work with the other for a few days, which would give him time to strengthen his resolve. Really. Since he meant it this time. Sadly, they were all supposed to have dinner together, to celebrate the opening of Kitayama’s butai and Senga’s movie, and there would be a lot of drinking. They had already reserved a room at an izakaya. Which also meant that there would be drunkenness, which is when Kitayama always managed to convince Fujigaya to take him home. But not this time, since this time he had a plan.
It was easy to set up, when the people that he normally messaged got fewer than normal messages from him, and they were concerned about him. It was also easy to set up when he saw members of his band, and they could see that something was off with him.
A brilliant and fool proof and perhaps cowardly plan, but a plan nonetheless.
And while he might be indebted to people that he would rather not be indebted to at the end of the night, he was certain that the plan would work.
Or at the very least keep him from letting Kitayama talk him into taking the other home, and then feeling used in the morning. Which was important. Self respect in the Johnny’s and idol industry was hard to maintain with all the stupid things that he needed to do, and he didn't need to not be able to look at himself in the mirror after letting Kitayama fuck him and leave while he was sleeping (again).
And so, as the night went on, and Kitayama started to get closer and closer to him, since the other always ended up sitting next to him on the bench, and then when talking and gesturing to those across the table he would lean closer and closer to Fujigaya, until his leg was pressed against Fujigaya’s on the bench that they shared.
As soon as they sat down at the table Fujigaya knew that this would be another normal night. He was pressed up against Yokoo, and Kitayama was pressed up against him. It left the youngest four to squish into the other side of the booth. Which was not a hardship and Nikaido and Senga had no sense of personal space, and Miyata always loved any reason to press up against Tamamori, who was not really protesting at all.
And so, if he sat a little closer to Yokoo that he usually did, well who could blame him? And while the others shot him looks from across the table, it did not stop them from laughing at him when he jumped every time that Kitayama got a little too close, and they would tease him that it was the off time, he should try and relax a little. But Tamamori watched with a questioning gaze, which only got more questioning when Yokoo of all people, was more touchy and clingy with Fujigaya than evening than not.
However, at some point, as is inevitable during a multiple hour celebratory drinking party, toilet breaks were necessary. Which was when Kitayama struck. Kitayama had to stand to let Fujigaya out of the booth. But, as Fujigaya scooted out of the booth and stood, Kitayama struck, pressing into him and asking if he could come over that night. Except he did in as he pushed past Fujigaya, sitting back down in the booth, so it looked normal, or as normal as anything with the two of them ever got.
Except, what he obviously did not expect, was for Fujigaya to not react at all (since he usually would with a nod or a blush or something), and just go to the toilet, and then come back, gratefully sinking down into the seat that Tamamori had vacated. Whether he meant to or not, Tamamori was helping with his plan. Taking a survey of the table, Tamamori was chatting animatedly with Kitayama and Yokoo, while Miyata was trying to feed Senga and Nikaido bits of yakitori at the same time, and failing miserably since all of them were drunk, but that did not prevent them from laughing and having a good time. And Tamamori’s proximity to Kitayama did not prevent Kitayama from trying to catch Fujigaya’s eye. Which he managed to do, when Fujigaya looked up from his phone where he was checking the progress of his escape plan. He had put it in motion the instant he was out of site of the rest of his band.
But the surprise and shock on Kitayama’s face when Fujigaya shook his head no was palpable, as Tamamori paused in his narration and asked Kitayama if he was alright? The other played it off, commenting on how he was surprised that Tamamori still had issues with which foot that his skates went on (since that was the current story that he was narrating) and that it was no wonder he had such issues skating when he couldn't even put them on the correct feet.
Which was enough to get everyone else started on their skating woes, and how hard it was, and why couldn't their band have another gimmick, even if this was part of what got them to debut, since really, were they going to be 40 and still skating in glittering swooshy bits? And while Fujigaya would usually chime in and comment on innate inherent front man abilities, and things that like, this night he just looked at his phone, checking the time, and for messages from his escape plan.
He was only slightly surprised when he got a message from Yokoo.
To: Taipi
From: Watta
You ok? You are quieter than usual…. is it THAT again?
From: Taipi
To: Watta
It is, and he asked, but I said no. And will be leaving shortly.
When Yokoo read the message he raised an eyebrow in surprise, but Fujigaya just flashed him a small smile, though he could feel Kitayama’s gaze on him, and was not surprised when he got a message from the other a moment later.
From: Kitayama
To: Taipi
Why not?
He was saved from having to answer by a familiar voice carrying down the hall, and a familiar pair of faces slipping into the room.
“Sorry guy, but we have to steal Taisuke from you. Important plans for the night and we lent him to you for long enough.” Kawai looked around with a leer and a joking smile, pulling Fujigaya up from his seat and pushing him (somewhat gently) into Tsukada’s waiting arms. Tsukada easily complied with an embrace and a suggestive leer, laughing at the ‘eeeew, gross’ comments that everyone knew Tamamori didn't mean.
“Watta, can you pass me his bag and things? I can see that he isn’t ready, as usual.” Kawai continued with a put on sigh, and Yokoo easily gathered up Fujigaya’s things, passing them to the other. Fujigaya could see the slight surprise on his band’s faces, and the understanding on Yokoo and Tamamori’s, which was mirrored by the utter shock on Kitayama’s.
“But, it’s our celebration party.” He commented, motioning to Senga. “To celebrate my butai and Ken-chan’s movie.”
“And I am sorry, but I already rescheduled this a few times and this was the only night that it worked. You will forgive me, right Senga?” Fujigaya’s lie slipped mostly easily from his lips, and Senga shot a glance at Kitayama, then back to Fujigaya, noting the tension, and the way that both Tsukada and Kawai stood between Fujigaya and Kitayama, before he nodded, flashing a wide smile.
“Of course. This just means that we will have to party extra long for the Kamen Teacher movie next month. You guys will come too, right, Tsuka-chan? Since you and Taipi are both in the movie” Senga turned large, guileless eyes towards the pair. “It would be nice to have a party with Ebikisu again.
“Of course, of course.” Tsukada laughed easily, chatting with Senga to mail him the details as soon as they were available, which gave Kawai time to slip out of the room with Fujigaya before the rest of Kisumai, or at least Kitayama noticed.
Except that was not quite how things happened. Since Kawai and Fujigaya were waiting in the cold, near the car, for Tsukada, who came out of the izakaya with Kitayama in close pursuit, and Yokoo rushing as close behind as he could to not cause suspicion.
Which was worthless when Kitayama stormed up to Fujigaya and shoved him up roughly against the car, hands fisted in his jacket.
“Why are you ditching me?” His voice was loud enough that the others could hear, and Yokoo looked like he was going to intervene but Kawai held up a hand, his eyes trained on the pair.
It was the most direct that Kitayama had ever been about their thing, though Fujigaya was not sure that it was even a thing, or if that was really what he was referring to.
“I am not, I am going out with friends, and I will probably crash at their place.”
“But why tonight. Tonight was our night. You always let me come home with you on nights like this.”
Despite everyone there being aware of that fact, it was the first time that Kitayama had ever admitted it.
“And every time I wish that I hadn’t.” Fujigaya was just as direct, and he could feel the way that Kitayama tensed against him, as if he had hit the other man.
“What? Why?” His words were a little slurred, a little but drunk, but the hurt there was real. He stepped back to look at Fujigaya more clearly, searching his face for signs and answers. Which he wouldn't get.
“Why?” Fujigaya hissed, his voice low enough to not cause a scene but no less filled with emotion. “You really want to know why? You honestly don't know why?”
Kitayama nodded. “I thought we had something. You are the only one I go home with and I..” He stopped speaking when Fujigaya choked out a bitter laugh.
“Just going home with me isn’t a thing, Mitsu. Using me from sex isn’t a thing.”
“But I am not using you for sex.” Kitayama hissed back, stepping closer again and Fujigaya laughed, side stepping so Kitayama could not get any closer.
“Well is sure as fuck isn’t a relationship. The first time you were so drunk that you called out someone else’s name, though you did apologize. Since that makes it all better. And then were gone in the morning. I should have learned. The second time you were asleep as soon as you were satisfied, leaving me in a rather awkward situation. And then you were gone by the time I finished in the shower. After that I promised never again. Since what is the point if I don't get anything but shame and unfulfilled desired out of it?”
Kitayama gaped at him, his mouth opening and closing, and he could hear Yokoo draw in a sharp breath. He had given the other the basic, but never this much detail, for the peace of the band.
“It isn’t a thing if you are gone every damned time I wake up, and then when you act like nothing happened. I don't like feeling used, and forgotten, so I will say it again, out loud, and I mean it this time. You. Will. Never. Come. Home. With. Me. Again.” He punctuated each word, and while he voice did not increase in volume it did, as he allowed all of his anger, and pain, and suffering to come out with the words.
And with that he allowed Kawai and Tsukada to bundle him into the car, as Yokoo pulled a still gaping Kitayama out of the path of the car, since it seemed like an opportune time to make an escape.
“But, I like you…” Were the soft words that carried to him, Kitayama sounding hurt and broken, and in spite of him self, Fujigaya felt his heart clench at the words. He wanted to believe the other man. Since he did actually care for Kitayama. But all he could think of to reply, as Kitayama watched them drive off, was
“You sure have a fucked up way of showing it.”