Together Forever Part 3: Words are hard (Kitayama centric, Kisumai)
So, this is a continuation of this and this
Written for shiritori at writetomyheart
More of the FujigayaxKitayama angst, with some Tamamori wisdom thrown in on the side.
This time, we get some of Kitayama's thoughts about the entire argument and things.
Unbetad, so sorry if there are mistakes ^^*
When I get back we will talk is what Kitayama wished Fujigaya had said before his trip to Russia.
When you get back I need to talk to you is what Kitayama should have said, knowing that Fujigaya has been pushed far past his limits and patience with the situation.
I fucked up and have been in love with you for years, please give me a chance is what Kitayama needed to say to salvage the situation, or something to that effect before Fujigaya declared himself done with Kitayama and all romantic feelings for him.
This was such a mess, and one of his own making.
One that was made very clear by the way that Fujigaya didn't message any of them while he was in Russia voluntarily. Normally the other would be sending them pictures of everything that he was doing and seeing, but instead they had to pursue him. Well, mostly Senga, Miyata and Yokoo.
Kitayama had tried to send a message, but he was having more trouble that Tamamori in finding the words to say. An “I am sorry” over text didn't seem to be the way to approach things. Though is really needs to be a I am so very sorry, and I don't deserve forgiveness for hurting you like that, but please please please please forgive me anyway would be more appropriate. But every time he flipped open his phone to type something, he just couldn't do it.
He knew the rest of the band was studying him. Trying to find an answer. And he couldn't really give one, not that they wanted.
Yokoo had been the most direct, taking him out to dinner the night of the argument, and had demanded to know, once they were tucked into the back corner of a hole in the wall yakitori place that they frequented, what the hell that was all about.
And Kitayama gave him the best explanation that he had.
Fujigaya had confessed to him, while they had been drinking. But that was the night that Tama and Miyata had taken him up to the room during the tour. He thought he had been imagining it, since he was drunk, and Fujigaya would never confess to him. But apparently he had. And his sleeping around with everyone in the band but Fujigaya, and some other bands had come across to Fujigaya as a dick move and complete rejection.
Yokoo didn't say anything, watching Kitayama speak, and then leaned back in his chair with a sigh.
“So you didn't mean to reject him?” Was the question that was finally asked, and Kitayama shook his head.
“No, I didn't mean to. But you know Taipi as well as all of us do. This will be almost impossible to fix. Once he has made up his mind on something….” Kitayama’s voice trailed off and Yokoo smiled fondly.
“Taisuke is stubborn, yes. But you will have to convince him that you are serious.”
Kitayama had nodded, his face clouding over in thought. That was going to be the hard part. Convincing him.
Why is why Kitayama kept staring at his phone. He didn't know where to start. It was a delicate situation, and he knew that he could make it worse. The way his band mates watched him, constantly checked their phones in worry, and whispered among themselves made it all the more obvious that this was something that needed to be fixed.
It was certainly odd when both Matsumoto and Ninomiya had stopped by to say hello and check on things in the band. And while he told them hello, he was more concern with his phone, and trying to find out what to message Fujigaya. At that moment Tamamori it seemed was having the same problem, as he was lamenting that phone-san didn't have the words that he wanted, and why was typing so hard. Kitayama knew the feeling. He probably should have been a better host to their senpai, but Tamamori, when he noticed Miyata and Senga talking to them, slipped his phone in his pocket and went over to chat with them, and then wandered away with them on an errand that he didn't quite hear.
Stupid confessions. Stupid words. All of this was stupid, Kitayama couldn't help but think, but it was stupid because he screwed it up. He would find a way to make it better. He just had to get over the first step. Talking to Fujigaya.
Except before he knew it, Fujigaya was back, and he still hadn’t taken any action.
Everyone, or mostly just him, expected there to be a scene, or something. Since usually Fujigaya and Kitayama caused a scene, but Fujigaya and Tamamori entered the dressing room together, and it looked like Tamamori had borrowed one of Fujigaya’s shirts.
That has Kitayama narrowing his eyes slightly, watching the pair.
Fujigaya strolled through the dressing room and Tamamori sank down onto the couch, and Fujigaya’s hands were full of bags, and there was the sound of glass bumping glass as he set the bags down on the table. As he moved through the room people called out greetings to him, and Fujigaya answered back.
“It is a bit typical, but I brought you all vodka. Since I was in Russia.” Fujigaya pulled bottles out of bags, handing them out to the members who had come over to the table, to look.
Kitayama watched from his spot on the couch, noting that Tamamori didn't get up to get a bottle.
“Tama-chan, you not getting one?” Miyata called out, looking up from the bottle in his hand, and Tamamori shook his head.
“I got mine from Taipi last night.” His voice was distracted, as he checked his phone, and Miyata hmmed, turning back to the gifts on the table. Kitayama’s eyes narrowed. That was definitely Fujigaya’s shirt, then.
“Here, this one is yours.” Kitayama’s eyes snapped to Fujigaya as the younger man stepped over to him, holding out a bottle of vodka, and Kitayama mechanically took the bottle, smiling shakily.
“Thanks.”
“Of course.” Fujigaya answered easily with a smile, turning back to the table, and Kitayama was struck by how normal the conversation was, how normal the smile on his face was. There was no sadness, no hurt, nothing.
He had expected something, to at least be scolded for not writing. For there to be a snarky comments about how he was getting a smaller bottle since he was so short and didn't need as much as the rest of them. For there to be a glare and an accusation that Kitayama wasnt thankful enough. Or just being himself and worth being glared at. But he got none of that.
“Taipi, why are there two extra bottles?” Senga asked as he moved over to his bag, butting his vodka inside of it and he was surprised to hear that the bottles were for Ninomiya and Matsumoto-senpai. The others seemed startled by this as well, all but Tamamori, and Kitayama couldn't help but think back to the day that the senpai had come by to talk to them.
He really should have been a better kouhai that day.
But he was drawn out of his thoughts as they were called into dance practice, easily falling into step beside Fujigaya.
“So Russia was nice?” Kitayama tried to keep his voice light, but he could kick himself for sounding like an idiot, and if the chuckles from behind him were any indication, Nikaido thought he was less than smooth.
“Hmm, it was really nice. They have this thing called ice bathing there, which was pretty cool. Different from an onsen, that's for sure.” Fujigaya turned his head. “Watta, I think you would really like it, if you are ever in Russia.”
Yokoo chuckled. “I’ll keep that in mine.”
And then they were in practice, and packing up to leave, Fujigaya chatting happily with Matsumoto and Ninomiya who had come to take him to dinner, and all Kitayama could do was watch them leave, wondering what had happened to Fujigaya in Russia, when he became good friends with 2/5th of Arashi, and why nothing was happening the way he expected it to.
Tamamori shuffled over to him, cuffing him upside the head, and Kitayama spun on him, angrily rubbing his head where Tamamori had hit him, with rings on.
“What the hell was that for?” He demanded and Tamamori just rolled his eyes.
“You are doing a shitty job of making it better. You were supposed to have fixed it by now, not ignored him for the entire time he was gone.” Tamamori snapped back, and Kitayama’s anger deflated under the heat of Tamamori’s glare.
“If you don't do something soon, he really will get over you. And then you wont ever stand a chance again.” Tamamori sighed and he could hear Yokoo in the background.
“I thought you were planning on fixing thing already.”
“I was.” Kitayama sighed, not looking at either of them. “I just cant find the right thing to say, and don't want to mess it up more and---“ Kitayama stopped at Tamamori snorted in disbelief.
“Ignoring him, again, is certainly the way to get a point across. At this point I cannot say that I blame him for thinking you are a complete dick.” Tamamori rolled his eyes, poking hard at Kitayama’s shoulder. “I think you are being a complete dick about it. Either confess and apologize, or stop brooding, but you are making it awkward for all of us. Taipi is handling this like an adult. You have to as well.”
That statement coming from Tamamori of all people, should have made him angry. But he was right. He needed to fix this, and to do that he needed to grow a pair.
Written for shiritori at writetomyheart
More of the FujigayaxKitayama angst, with some Tamamori wisdom thrown in on the side.
This time, we get some of Kitayama's thoughts about the entire argument and things.
Unbetad, so sorry if there are mistakes ^^*
When I get back we will talk is what Kitayama wished Fujigaya had said before his trip to Russia.
When you get back I need to talk to you is what Kitayama should have said, knowing that Fujigaya has been pushed far past his limits and patience with the situation.
I fucked up and have been in love with you for years, please give me a chance is what Kitayama needed to say to salvage the situation, or something to that effect before Fujigaya declared himself done with Kitayama and all romantic feelings for him.
This was such a mess, and one of his own making.
One that was made very clear by the way that Fujigaya didn't message any of them while he was in Russia voluntarily. Normally the other would be sending them pictures of everything that he was doing and seeing, but instead they had to pursue him. Well, mostly Senga, Miyata and Yokoo.
Kitayama had tried to send a message, but he was having more trouble that Tamamori in finding the words to say. An “I am sorry” over text didn't seem to be the way to approach things. Though is really needs to be a I am so very sorry, and I don't deserve forgiveness for hurting you like that, but please please please please forgive me anyway would be more appropriate. But every time he flipped open his phone to type something, he just couldn't do it.
He knew the rest of the band was studying him. Trying to find an answer. And he couldn't really give one, not that they wanted.
Yokoo had been the most direct, taking him out to dinner the night of the argument, and had demanded to know, once they were tucked into the back corner of a hole in the wall yakitori place that they frequented, what the hell that was all about.
And Kitayama gave him the best explanation that he had.
Fujigaya had confessed to him, while they had been drinking. But that was the night that Tama and Miyata had taken him up to the room during the tour. He thought he had been imagining it, since he was drunk, and Fujigaya would never confess to him. But apparently he had. And his sleeping around with everyone in the band but Fujigaya, and some other bands had come across to Fujigaya as a dick move and complete rejection.
Yokoo didn't say anything, watching Kitayama speak, and then leaned back in his chair with a sigh.
“So you didn't mean to reject him?” Was the question that was finally asked, and Kitayama shook his head.
“No, I didn't mean to. But you know Taipi as well as all of us do. This will be almost impossible to fix. Once he has made up his mind on something….” Kitayama’s voice trailed off and Yokoo smiled fondly.
“Taisuke is stubborn, yes. But you will have to convince him that you are serious.”
Kitayama had nodded, his face clouding over in thought. That was going to be the hard part. Convincing him.
Why is why Kitayama kept staring at his phone. He didn't know where to start. It was a delicate situation, and he knew that he could make it worse. The way his band mates watched him, constantly checked their phones in worry, and whispered among themselves made it all the more obvious that this was something that needed to be fixed.
It was certainly odd when both Matsumoto and Ninomiya had stopped by to say hello and check on things in the band. And while he told them hello, he was more concern with his phone, and trying to find out what to message Fujigaya. At that moment Tamamori it seemed was having the same problem, as he was lamenting that phone-san didn't have the words that he wanted, and why was typing so hard. Kitayama knew the feeling. He probably should have been a better host to their senpai, but Tamamori, when he noticed Miyata and Senga talking to them, slipped his phone in his pocket and went over to chat with them, and then wandered away with them on an errand that he didn't quite hear.
Stupid confessions. Stupid words. All of this was stupid, Kitayama couldn't help but think, but it was stupid because he screwed it up. He would find a way to make it better. He just had to get over the first step. Talking to Fujigaya.
Except before he knew it, Fujigaya was back, and he still hadn’t taken any action.
Everyone, or mostly just him, expected there to be a scene, or something. Since usually Fujigaya and Kitayama caused a scene, but Fujigaya and Tamamori entered the dressing room together, and it looked like Tamamori had borrowed one of Fujigaya’s shirts.
That has Kitayama narrowing his eyes slightly, watching the pair.
Fujigaya strolled through the dressing room and Tamamori sank down onto the couch, and Fujigaya’s hands were full of bags, and there was the sound of glass bumping glass as he set the bags down on the table. As he moved through the room people called out greetings to him, and Fujigaya answered back.
“It is a bit typical, but I brought you all vodka. Since I was in Russia.” Fujigaya pulled bottles out of bags, handing them out to the members who had come over to the table, to look.
Kitayama watched from his spot on the couch, noting that Tamamori didn't get up to get a bottle.
“Tama-chan, you not getting one?” Miyata called out, looking up from the bottle in his hand, and Tamamori shook his head.
“I got mine from Taipi last night.” His voice was distracted, as he checked his phone, and Miyata hmmed, turning back to the gifts on the table. Kitayama’s eyes narrowed. That was definitely Fujigaya’s shirt, then.
“Here, this one is yours.” Kitayama’s eyes snapped to Fujigaya as the younger man stepped over to him, holding out a bottle of vodka, and Kitayama mechanically took the bottle, smiling shakily.
“Thanks.”
“Of course.” Fujigaya answered easily with a smile, turning back to the table, and Kitayama was struck by how normal the conversation was, how normal the smile on his face was. There was no sadness, no hurt, nothing.
He had expected something, to at least be scolded for not writing. For there to be a snarky comments about how he was getting a smaller bottle since he was so short and didn't need as much as the rest of them. For there to be a glare and an accusation that Kitayama wasnt thankful enough. Or just being himself and worth being glared at. But he got none of that.
“Taipi, why are there two extra bottles?” Senga asked as he moved over to his bag, butting his vodka inside of it and he was surprised to hear that the bottles were for Ninomiya and Matsumoto-senpai. The others seemed startled by this as well, all but Tamamori, and Kitayama couldn't help but think back to the day that the senpai had come by to talk to them.
He really should have been a better kouhai that day.
But he was drawn out of his thoughts as they were called into dance practice, easily falling into step beside Fujigaya.
“So Russia was nice?” Kitayama tried to keep his voice light, but he could kick himself for sounding like an idiot, and if the chuckles from behind him were any indication, Nikaido thought he was less than smooth.
“Hmm, it was really nice. They have this thing called ice bathing there, which was pretty cool. Different from an onsen, that's for sure.” Fujigaya turned his head. “Watta, I think you would really like it, if you are ever in Russia.”
Yokoo chuckled. “I’ll keep that in mine.”
And then they were in practice, and packing up to leave, Fujigaya chatting happily with Matsumoto and Ninomiya who had come to take him to dinner, and all Kitayama could do was watch them leave, wondering what had happened to Fujigaya in Russia, when he became good friends with 2/5th of Arashi, and why nothing was happening the way he expected it to.
Tamamori shuffled over to him, cuffing him upside the head, and Kitayama spun on him, angrily rubbing his head where Tamamori had hit him, with rings on.
“What the hell was that for?” He demanded and Tamamori just rolled his eyes.
“You are doing a shitty job of making it better. You were supposed to have fixed it by now, not ignored him for the entire time he was gone.” Tamamori snapped back, and Kitayama’s anger deflated under the heat of Tamamori’s glare.
“If you don't do something soon, he really will get over you. And then you wont ever stand a chance again.” Tamamori sighed and he could hear Yokoo in the background.
“I thought you were planning on fixing thing already.”
“I was.” Kitayama sighed, not looking at either of them. “I just cant find the right thing to say, and don't want to mess it up more and---“ Kitayama stopped at Tamamori snorted in disbelief.
“Ignoring him, again, is certainly the way to get a point across. At this point I cannot say that I blame him for thinking you are a complete dick.” Tamamori rolled his eyes, poking hard at Kitayama’s shoulder. “I think you are being a complete dick about it. Either confess and apologize, or stop brooding, but you are making it awkward for all of us. Taipi is handling this like an adult. You have to as well.”
That statement coming from Tamamori of all people, should have made him angry. But he was right. He needed to fix this, and to do that he needed to grow a pair.