Distress Signals
Title: Distress Signals
Pairing: JunxOhno, set in the Collar Universe
Juntoshi request: a getting together fic set in the collar universe, how did Juntoshi come to be
for sesquerdo to fill a request.
Thanks to satsumatsu for being epic as usual!
Feel free to request something here and I will do it
Title: Distress Signals
Pairing: JunxOhno, set in the Collar Universe
Juntoshi request: a getting together fic set in the collar universe, how did Juntoshi come to be
Jun felt like he was having one of those days, though really perhaps it had been weeks and months stretching into having several years. It was just that nothing seemed to go right for him. One would think that being in an idol band would be one of the right things, but actually it was only making it more difficult for him, for many reasons.
First: He did not like the fact that he was channeling his most recent drama characters. For starters, it had been Sawada Shin, turning Jun into an angry, angsty, prickly and grumbly person. Though if he was going to be honest with himself he had all of those traits and it related to the next few facts on his list.
Second: Arashi, while popular - super popular after Hana Yori Dango Season One - was not popular in the way Jun imagined being famous would entail. Jun was not certain if there was anything that could be done about that, not really, but hopefully his new drama would help. He wanted them to be the best of the best, and all that they could ever be.
Third: Having read the script, Jun knew that he would be channeling his newest drama character again, Domiyoji Tsukasa. He hoped that his band mates were prepared to deal with that, since it was not going to be pretty. It had gotten him the nickname of DoS for a reason. While Jun was not really a sadist, he was easily sucked into those kind of roles.
Fourth: Jun was afraid that he would not do the role justice. He was not the same person when he had played Domiyoji the first time - and that had been hard enough, acting the spoiled rich kid, used to getting his way and who called himself as the prince of everything. To do it a second time, when the character had grown, but not really in ways that Jun would have expected him to… was even more difficult. And if he was bad at this, then it would look bad for the band and effect their popularity, and Jun knew that he would not be able to accept it if he was the reason that Arashi failed to gain popularity. It would destroy him.
Fifth: He still had a crush on his band mate Sakurai Sho, and this was unacceptable as the older man had more of less told him to fuck off and that his attentions were very much not welcome. Well, it had been more of a ‘I am stressed and I don’t need the fan girls fan girling over me, let alone my own fucking band mate so back the fuck off’, or something close to that (Jun tried not to think too much about it, since it hurt, a lot) and he wondered why he was still so hung up on it. It was the one and only time that they have talked about it. Sho seemed to have even forgotten that he had said it, but Jun…. Jun was stuck.
And so, despite all of the good thing in his life - Aiba Masaki, Ninomiya Kazunari (though he would never tell the other that, he would get mocked relentlessly), Ohno Satoshi, and even Sakurai Sho - Jun was having one of those days, in one of those weeks, in one of those months, in one of those spans of several years. He was in a funk, and he was not sure how he was going to get out of it. He was not even sure if he wanted to get out of it. If it stayed as prickly and harsh and pleasant as a porcupine or a hedgehog, or even a sea urchin, then perhaps people would leave him alone, and let him be, let him mope and pout and be generally disagreeable. For some reason, his band mates still seemed to love him (though not in that romantic way. It would be great though if Sho realized how epic and amazing Jun was and what he was missing out on for all these years, but Jun was not holding his breath for that one to happen anytime soon ). He knew that they cared, since Aiba made sure that everyone knew just how much he loved them, all of them, and Arashi, and how great everyone was every time they drank, and even when they were not with him, they would get the drunken text messages. But it was Aiba, so it was alright. If it was anyone else he would have thought that someone was fucking with him, or them, but it was Aiba, and Aiba had always been one to cry at the drop of a dime - so did Riida, when the mood or alcohol level was right. But if Nino ever sent a mushy text like that, Jun was certain that the world must be ending.
He had told Nino that, one night, as Aiba and Riida were leaning against each other, crying and talking about how awesome they all were. He had looked at Nino with a sigh and commented softly. “Please, if you ever decide to turn all mushy on us, do it without the tears.”
Nino nodded, glancing at Jun his expression serious. “I am as likely to get all mushy and teary over something like this as you are, MastuJun.”
In moments like that Jun was glad that Nino was Nino, prickly around the edges, a fill of snark and brattiness - that was what made him Nino and what Jun liked about him. They were two sides of the same coin, and despite the verbal warfare that was waged more often than not between them, they went well together. Nino understood Jun and the way that his emotions welled, and that the only way to deal with them sometimes was the scathing, biting remarks. When it got too bad, Nino would press a pack of smokes and a bottle of caffeinated something into Jun’s hands and send him off for a break, until he was calm and professional enough, collected and Jun enough, to deal with the work for the day.
Sometimes it was wordless, sometimes it was a ‘MatsuJun is better than this’, and sometimes it was just the soft muttering of his name, ‘Jun’, with a quick smile, a real smile, and eyes that spoke of understanding. Jun thought, in many ways, it was why Nino and his video games were inseparable. When things were too much, he could step away, push buttons and kill things in the RPGs he played, taking his frustration out in 8 and 16 bit characters and not the staff, guests or band members.
Jun was certain during these times that Nino would cover for him, and Riida too, if he had to guess, as the other always gave him a searching look when he got back from the increasingly more frequent ‘Jun needs a moment to remember that he is human and should not rip some ones throat in frustration’ moments. Killing someone with anything more than his glare (and he knew it was a fierce one, one he would need it for the role of Domiyoji most certainly) was unacceptable on many levels and would not be worth it.
And so, when Nino nodded, glancing at Jun, his expression serious, retorting, “I am as likely to get all mushy and teary over something like this as you are, MastuJun.” Jun nodded back, resting his head on the others shoulder for a briefest moment before straightening, getting back to his drink.
The others knew that he had gotten a drama role, and they had been told more or less what it was for, and who he would be playing, so they were out to celebrate. Jun was excited that he would get to work with Shun again, as between Gokusen and the first season of Hana Yori Dango they had become friends, and having friends outside of Johnny’s was something that Jun missed. He had not always liked Shun, but they had grown closer and taking this role, and having Shun as the main male co-star again, was something that he had wanted, and was glad that it actually happened.
“To Hana Yori Dango Season Two, may it be all that MatsuJun wants it to be!” It was Aiba who proposed the toast, lifting his glass high and sloshing beer on himself and Riida, sending them into a fit of giggles. It was with smiles and laughter that Jun, and the rest, joined Aiba.
What Jun wanted it to be was a project that pulled him out of this slump and got things started again in the right direction, where Jun knew who he was, where he was going and how to feel and react his skin. What he wanted was a place where he belonged. Where he knew that he did not have to worry about these things, since Jun just being Jun, and Jun not knowing where he fit or why, was something that was acceptable. It would be a place that he did not have to pretend.
But Jun did not think that such a harbor existed.
Jun could feel Riida’s gaze on him, droopy with alcohol but focused and sharp. As Nino got up and excused himself, heading off to find the bathroom, Ohno slid around the table, pressing up beside Jun with a smile.
“MatsuJun will be amazing. He always is.” Riida’s voice was soft, and Jun was certain that the others at the table could not hear, too drunk and sleepy and rowdy at the same time. Something only Aiba and Sho would manage. Jun and Nino were the Arashi herders for the evening, despite the fact that it was Jun’s celebration, but filming was starting soon and all the meetings were early. Jun would not dare to make a bad impression on these people. The others, seeing that particular arch and set of his eyebrows, knew better than to press or push. Jun knew that some other evening, when he could afford to relax and unwind (probably when the drama wrapped) he would be taken out, and not allowed to drive himself him. He would be herded home, tucked into bed, his spare key slipped under the door as they left.
It was a position that Jun rarely let himself get into, as he liked to have control of the situation, and drunkenness, at least the kind that two and a half of Arashi were demonstrating, took a lot of trust. It was not that he did not trust Arashi, it was just that he preferred not to surrender control to someone like that. As long as they never took advantage of it, and assumed that he would be making sure that they all got home safely, then it would all be good.
“Thank you, Riida.” Jun replied, softly. He was not phased as Ohno took a hold of his arm, moving it to he could snuggle into Jun’s side, his beer left on the other side of the table. When Nino came back, he pulled Aiba and Sho out of the booth with a smile, watching as Aiba fumbled with his wallet, tossing more than necessary on the table to cover their tabs.
“I will make sure these two get home, you take care of Riida, alright?” Nino asked, and Jun nodded, snapping back an, “Of course I will.”
Nino had just laughed. They both knew that his comment had been to get a reaction out of Jun, the smile that played at his lips contradicting the tone of his voice.
As if there were any doubt that Jun would take care of Ohno. It was Riida. Jun would not let anything happen to him, or any of them, if he could prevent it.
They did not speak for a moment, many moments, as Nino herded Aiba and Sho away, which was much like, Jun assumed, herding cats, as Aiba was wobbling and weaving across the place, and Sho was trying to keep him upright and safe, in mother hen mode even though he was shit faced. He could see the movement of Nino’s shoulders as he laughed at the pair. He watched Nino grab Aiba’s hand and pull him from the bar, Sho grabbing other Aiba’s hand as to not be left behind.
“I mean it, Jun.” Ohno repeated, his voice serious, not moving from where he was pressed into Jun’s side, holding the others hand in his own. It was rare to hear Ohno use his given name, to hear any of them call him anything other than MatsuJun or sometimes Jun-kun. But for Riida to use Jun, meant that he wanted his words to be taken more seriously than usual. He did not speak a lot, or often, so when he did, it merited attention.
After moving Jun’s arm out of the way so he could press into his side, he had grabbed the youngest’s hand, and had not let go of it yet. His grip rough, calloused and warm. From the gravity of his tone and the clarity of his words, Jun wondered if he was really drunk at all. In fact, from the easy way that Ohno had slid into Nino’s place and the casual suggestion that Jun should take Ohno home Jun wondered if they had planned something, or perhaps it was just their shared brain at work again, though everyone knew that Nino would prefer to take charge of Ohno, it was easier, Ohno being the most agreeable, and Ohmiya SK was everywhere, even when the camera’s were not on. And yet, Jun was certain, there was nothing but an amazing friendship between them. Jun had never seen Nino looking at Ohno with deep longing or affection that he knew still colored his gaze in reference to Sho - and he knew that Nino sometimes noticed the gazes, knew them for what they were.
When the agency had broke up Nino’s relationship, Nino had had those kind of gazes, the ‘I want this but I can not have it’ and ‘fuck it all why does life have to suck so much’ gazes that Jun knew all too well. Nino looked at Ohno with fondness and affection, but it was the same way that he looked at all of them.
Or perhaps Jun was full of crap, and it was wishful thinking that the Ohmiya SK was just a deep friendship. But it Nino was happy and Riida was happy, then there was nothing to complain about.
“Oh?” Jun replied, lightly, looking at the mess that Aiba and Sho had left on the table, resisting the urge to put the pile of bills that Aiba had tossed into the water rings to a safer and drier place.
“Jun had grown so much. He is very capable.” Ohno stated. Jun did not try to comprehend where that statement came from. It was better to let Ohno muse and then try and piece his logic together.
“Jun always makes Arashi proud, and I know that I am proud of him as well, this time will not be an expectation.” Ohno paused, shifting to hold Jun’s hand tighter. “But Jun holds so much in, and if he needs to talk, to any of us, or just to me, you know what we will listen. I will listen.” His voice was even, soothing, and Jun wondered just how much of him Riida was able see, how much he knew. He was alright with Nino seeing and knowing, since Nino would rather die before he betrayed Jun. But to be that easy to read, for everyone to know what he held in, who he was still suffering over, was not acceptable.
Jun forced himself to relax as Ohno commented. “I watch Jun very carefully, that is why I know, but Jun keeps his secrets very guarded, I was not sure for a long time.” Ohno shifted, so his leg was pressed into Jun’s under the table. By now he spoke more into Jun’s neck, his face cradled against Jun’s shoulder. Jun shifted, so Ohno was more comfortable, slouching down in the booth. He felt more than he heard Ohno chuckle at Jun’s automatic reaction.
“Jun takes such good care of all of us and tries to be an island all to himself. But when you are ready, I want to be on that island.” Ohno paused. “I want to answer the distress calls Jun does not even realize that he is sending out.”
And with that, Ohno officially succeeded in making Jun’s brain shut down as he stiffened in place, trying to process Ohno’s words and what they could mean. Ohno shifted, giving Jun space, and flagged down their waitress, making sure that the cash that Aiba had left was enough to cover everything. From the way her eyes widened, Ohno knew that it was more than enough, so he would be able to give Aiba back his extra money. She had been so kind enough to give Arashi space and keep others away (they were idols after all and people did recognize them, but they were not super idols) that Ohno wished he was able to leave a tip, but that just was not done. This was a place that they would be coming back too, since any palace where they could be themselves and not worry about the paparazzi and scandals was a good place. Plus, it was cheap, which meant Nino was more likely to come and let others pay for him than if it were an expensive place, where he would let them pay, if you could get him to come (and that was quite hard to do).
“Come on, MatsuJun, you have to take me home or Nino will be mad.” Ohno pulled Jun by the hand out of the bar and allowed Jun to lead him to where the car was parked. He smiled serenely as Jun opened the door and buckled his seat belt for him, making certain that Ohno was safe and secure before he got into the car himself.
“Where am I taking you?” Jun asked, his voice light. Sometimes Ohno went to his parents place, some days he crashes at other member’s houses. One day Ohno would get his own place, he was sure, but no one, not even Ohno, knew when that would be.
“MatsuJun’s place is fine, if that is alright with you?” He asked, though he knew it was of course alright with Jun, as he was not going to say no to Ohno. And he still wished to pursue this distress signals he did not know he was sending out, but perhaps this was not the best night for it. He was supposed to be up in the morning early and would be leaving Ohno asleep on the couch, since the eldest did not like to sleep on beds for some reason.
They did not talk much as they drove. Ohno was humming along to the radio when a song he knew came on, mostly Arashi or any of their senpai bands, Jun was content with that. He was focused on getting them home and dissecting what Ohno had said, what he had even meant, and what was he supposed to do about it.
The silence stretched, loud in his ears, until they were parked, up the seventh floor, the door closed behind them, locked and bolted, their shoes placed beside the entry and it was Jun who broke it. “Riida, what did you-“ Jun stopped as Ohno shook his head at Jun with a smile.
“Don’t think so hard, MatsuJun, just know that I am here.” Ohno moved forward, pulling Jun into a hug, his arms tight and Jun could not help but hug him back “MatsuJun carries so much on his own, and the more he carries the pricklier he is. But...” Ohno stepped back, his arms resting loosely on Jun’s hips, “I love MatsuJun, so I will be here when he is ready to share his burdens with me.”
“You what?” Jun knew that his voice was the softest whisper. He could not believe what he was hearing, that he actually just had Riida, Ohno Satoshi, amazingly creative artist, dancer and talent of their band, say those three words.
“I love MatsuJun, but I know that he still cares about Sho-kun.” Ohno tightened his grip on Jun’s waist, slipping his fingers into the belt loops, holding Jun in place as the other tried to flee.
“I do not, how did you-why do you-“ Jun stammered, trying to deny what they both knew was true.
“I watch everyone, but especially MatsuJun, and I see the way that you watch him, follow him, the light in your eyes when he pays attention to you, and how sad you are when he doesn’t. And I see how angry you get when you realize that you are doing this.” Ohno paused. “I don’t know what happened between you, or why you are content to sit back, since it is not MatsuJun-like at all, but when you want to be loved, when you need someone, I am here, and I will wait for MatsuJun to let me over to his island, so I can help him.”
“I-“ Jun chocked on his words as he looked down at Ohno, noting the serious expression on his face, in his eyes, the set of his jaw as it jutted out. His tone left no room for arguing. “I confessed to him and he rejected me. Harshly. I just haven’t gotten over it. I need to, but fuck-“ When Jun wrenched away from Ohno, Ohno allowed it, watching Jun pace the room. “I don’t want to be in love with someone who does not love me, and has no desire to.” His voice was soft, running a hand through his hair in agitation. Ohno could see the tension in is frame, taught as if he was going to snap at any moment. “I don’t fucking want this anymore, Riida,” Jun looked to the other who nodded, moving closer to pull Jun into another hug, and this time he would not let go.
“Then do something about it. It is not like Jun to let a problem sit and fester like this, to let anything consume him that he does not want. Jun is a passionate person and-“ Ohno paused, pressing a kiss, ever so light, against Jun’s cheek. “-usually Jun rules his life, not the other way around. Take back your life, Jun.”
“Why me, why do you, how?” Jun asked, and Ohno just looked at him, a serene smile on his face.
“Because it is Jun-kun. He is worth it.” Jun allowed Ohno to pull him towards the bedroom, where they both stripped down to their boxers and just snuggled in bed. Nothing happened. Jun did not want anything to happen. He was certain that he did not love Ohno, was not certain that he even liked him like that, at least not yet, then again Riida was an easy person to like. He adored him, admired him, would do anything for him. Perhaps that was a start.
“I do not want Jun-kun to do anything that he does not want to do, but I do love him, and I want him to let me in.” Ohno muttered as they were falling asleep, cradled in the warmth of Jun’s arms. He smiled as Jun replied softly.
“I will try, but I promise nothing.”
And Jun did try, all during his drama filming. He would come home and sometimes Ohno would be there, with take outs and a smile. Sometimes, Jun knew that the other had been there, but could not stay, as there was food in the fridge and a note for Jun, wishing him luck the next day when he would not see Ohno before his jobs. Jun found, as the weeks went on, that he thought less of Sho and the Might Have Beens and the Could Have Beens, and more of Ohno, wondering if there was going to be a surprise for him at his apartment (something from his favorite restaurant, sweets from a bakery, his favorite bottle of wine, fish from his fishing trips).
Jun was sure that the others didn’t know about the extra times he was hanging out with Ohno, since he was not making a big deal about it, neither was Ohno. It was not a secret, per se, it was just that it was not something that Jun thought needed to be announced. “Hey everyone, I am hanging out with Riida more, is that alright with you?” But it was nice.
It was the night when Hanadan Two wrapped up when things changed between them. That night, in the same bar as before, it was Ohno who promised Nino, in all seriousness, that he would get Jun home, and he would pay for the taxi, so please, enjoy yourself, since this is Jun’s night, and he has already promised that he is going to relax for once. Nino had sent Jun a sharp gaze and Jun nodded. “Riida is returning the favor. I took care of him when we were out before filming started, remember?” And Nino had turned his attention elsewhere, mostly making sure that Sho and Aiba, already half drunk, did not do anything too stupid.
And so Ohno sat beside Jun, holding his hand under the table sometimes, when the others were not looking. But he spent just as much time pressed up against Nino, laughing and joking, teasing the other man as he did with Jun, and Jun was glad to see that things were still the same in the group, the dynamics were not different.
Part of Jun wondered what it would be like to have something like Nino with Ohno, to be that close to him, to easily wrap his arms around the other and hold him close, to rest his head on his shoulder on air during filming, knowing that everyone would be alright with it.
But Jun did not do things like that on camera, that fit not his image - and he would not want it any other way. What he did in private was private, and there was no need to fuel the imagination of those around him. As awesome as a Juntoshi SJ (SM, JS, MS (Jun was not sure what their initials would even be in that case) would be, it was not something that Jun wanted.
What he did want, however, he realized, mid sip, as Nino leaned over and placed a light kiss on Ohno’s cheek, as he usually did during their Ohmiya moments, was Ohno Satoshi. Jun found that he could not finish the sip, and that the booth and the room suddenly felt too confined. He was hyper aware of Ohno beside him, the way his hips and ass pushed against his hip as he leaned onto Nino, the seats in the booth far to small for three of them to be sharing a bench.
He needed to get out for a moment, to breath, to deal with the weight he suddenly felt as if it was going to crush him to the ground. Something must have shown in his face, in the way that his hands trembled as they held the glass to his lips, since it was Nino who leaned over, a pack of cigarettes appearing in his hand.
“Smoke break?” Nino offered, and when Jun nodded, the pair left Ohno on the bench, grabbing hats, scarves and glasses; and after a brief word to the waitress and donning their makeshift disguise, they were allowed to slip out the back door, leaving it propped open behind them.
“What’s wrong, Jun-kun?” Nino leaned close, his back against Jun’s chest, the other with an arm lightly around his waist, glad for the darkness of the ally and the secluded nature of the back down, around a corner from the main alley - most likely where they would not be seen. Nino stood there, huddling against Jun for warmth, though the night was only cool and not cold, Nino was always cold. Jun was glad for his presence though. It kept him grounded, and real, a reminder that he was here, that he was in control.
“Nothing.” Jun denied, and Nino shook his head, taking a long drag.
“Lies, Jun-kun, don’t suit you.”
“I just realized something, and it shook me a bit, but it is nothing that I cannot handle. I was just startled, that is all.” Jun answered, honestly, without actually telling Nino anything, and the other hmmed, not pressing the issue. He would let Jun have his secrets.
“I-“ Nino paused, weighing his words. “Things seem to be better between you and Sho-kun though, so whatever you have going on in that head of yours, I am glad that you are in a better place.” Nino made certain that the tone in his words was light. Jun nodded.
“I have been busy, and thinking a lot less about the crush that will never come into fruition.” Nino had always been observant and knew that Jun had liked Sho probably even before Jun had known that Jun liked Sho. After Jun confessed, Nino knew that it had not gone well, but he did not push him to talk about it, just invited Jun over to his house for dinner and an all night gaming session, and snuggling while they slept, since that was how Nino worked, and it had been nice.
“I am glad, Jun seems to be more OK in his own skin now.” Nino’s voice was light and he pushed off of Jun, spinning around with a smile as he tossed his cigarette aside. “Come on, its your party and you are not even drunk yet. What kind of friends would we be if we did not make certain that Jun-kun has the night of his life tonight, well at least until the next concert, or drama, or movie. Tonight needs to be the best to date.” Nino’s smile was wide and contagious, and Jun followed Nino back inside with a smile, more at peace with the fact that at last he wanted Ohno, and they had not even talked about it.
“Thanks, Nino.” Jun told him, as the back door closed behind them and they moved back to the table. It was the way Nino’s hand tightened around his own and did not let go as they went back to the table, that Jun knew Nino heard, while he never said ‘you are welcome’ - the sentiment, Jun knew, was there.
It was the last clear thing that Jun recalled that night. He knew that they wandered from the bar to a yakiniku place that Aiba swore by, and that there was more food, and more drinks, and more of someone playing footsie with him under the table, but it was Arashi, and in Arashi anyone could be playing footise with anyone at any given time (well, Nino or Aiba would initiate, with no discrimination to their target) so he could not be sure.
He was drunk, and content to be able to just relax as Ohno made sure to sit beside him the entire night, touching Jun in ways that were not unusual for Arashi, but unusual for Jun and Riida. In ways that left Jun’s body buzzing and humming and aware of Riida, as he had not been aware of him before. Or perhaps it was just the alcohol. It was what Jun kept trying to tell himself, each time his heart jumped a little when Ohno would shift, pressing more into Jun as he interacted with Aiba across the table, his eyes crinkling in amusement at something that Aiba said; or the way he would lean across Jun to tell Sho something, his arms and side pressing against Jun’s torso. Jun wondered how no one else seemed to be able to feel the tension, could see the way Jun trembled slightly each time that it happened, or saw the looks that Ohno would give Jun from the corner of his eyes, the slight smile apparent as his hand brushed Jun’s lightly.
He never would have thought that Ohno was a tease, but he was teasing Jun that night, right under everyone’s noses; and for once, Jun wished that skinship in Arashi would be not such a common thing, so someone, anyone, would go, ‘What the hell, Oh-chan, this isn’t like you.’
Jun’s attention snapped back to the matter at hand as Sho spoke, his voice louder than it needed to be, but the alcohol would do that to a person.
“Satoshi-kun.” Ohno nodded and Sho continued. “Ma-chan won’t be able to eat or drink if you lean across him like that. Give him some space.” Sho’s words were slurred and Jun tensed, drawing in a sharp breath at the name.
Ma-chan was a very rare nickname that was been given to him. The group rarely used it, but the way it spilled off Sho’s lips, the familiarity he talked to Jun, it was just too much right then. Jun could feel the tendrils of feelings that were fading coming back to life, just a little bit, the places where Ohno’s body touched his own seemed a little less important, and fuck, he did not want that.
“It’s alright, Sho-kun. It’s Riida, so I don’t mind.” Jun smiled at Sho, brightly and happily, sliding an arm around Ohno’s waist, holding him tightly for a moment. Truth was, it was Riida so none of them would mind, and if they did, they would speak up. The truth went for any of them, Ohno shifted, looking to Jun, watching the expressions on his face. Jun nodded, speaking so softly that he was sure no one heard, his lips hardly moving at all.
“Stay, please?” Was what he asked, and Ohno nodded, turning back to Sho, continuing the conversation where it had left off. Jun did his best to eat around Ohno, and when the other noticed, observing Jun’s reluctance to tell him to move so he could eat, Ohno shifted across Jun’s lap, sliding across it with a quick grin and look that promised many things that Jun would not have been able to process sober, and certainly could not drunk... But one thing that Jun could remember, as Ohno moved to sit on his other side, so he could easily converse with Sho, was the hand the brushed across his lap, cupping him for a brief moment and Ohno’s eyes locked with him in laughter. Jun was sure that he chocked on his beer as Ohno settled down beside him.
He did not remember much else of that night, until they were back in Jun’s apartment, showered and clean, snuggling on the couch. Ohno was reluctant to go to sleep that night, despite how sleepy and drunk Jun was, he was not going to push it; or would bring up being groped by Riida, as it might have all been a joke, or a spur of the momentl, or maybe just his imagination, being drunk did mix up ones memories.
“I am glad that Jun-kun trusts me enough to let go like this.” Ohno’s voice was soft. Jun nodded, not bothering to argue with Ohno. He would trust any of them too, but Ohno had looked so cute and insistent when he said that Jun was going to have fun that night, and he would take care of him this time. And one would not argue with Ohno when he had that set to his jaw, you did just not.
“I have something for you, Jun-kun, but I had hoped you would be more sober than this.” Ohno shifted, so he was straddling Jun’s lap on the couch, reaching for a bag on the table behind him, arching and stretching in a way that his hips ground into Jun’s. Jun could not help the moan that slipped form his lips, and this time, he was quite sure that it was intentional, as Ohno wiggled and rolled his hips before he straightened up with a light in his eyes that Jun wanted to see more of.
“I have something for you, but only if you want it and accept it, and me.” Ohno’s voice was soft and he held out a small box for Jun. Inside was a necklace, a simple one with a boat and an anchor.
“Satoshi, what is this?” Jun asked. They both knew that Jun did not mean the necklace, but more the gesture.
“I-I wanted to wait, but I realized that I did not like it when Sho-kun called you Ma-chan, and I thought that there might be something there, and I didn’t like that.” Ohno paused. Jun stared at him with wide eyes, in shock much like he had been when Ohno had confessed him. “I-I want Jun for myself and I hope, by now, Jun wants me too and-“ Ohno stopped as Jun smiled up at him.
“I realized tonight that I want Satoshi. I know that it is not love, not yet, but I think that I can, and I will love Satoshi.” Jun knew his words were much sappier than they would be if he was sober. “I like Satoshi, I know that and-“ Jun stopped as Ohno’s lips pressed against his own, his tongue sweeping inside to tangle with Jun’s own as he caught him mid word. The smile on his face as he broke the kiss was bright and happy.
“It is enough, for now. I finally made it to the island of Jun, but I am not sure that he needs me here. The distress signals are almost gone.” Ohno’s eyes crinkled in amusement as he fasted the necklace around Jun’s neck, leaning forward to kiss him below his ear, smiling against Jun’s skin at the other shuddered at the contact. “I am there, and I claim it as my own, and no one else’s. I don’t mind that you still care for him, as it makes you who you are, but I ask you to keep trying to move on, and move with me, so we can both be in the same place. You are mine, and I won’t share Jun, with noone.” Ohno spoke into Jun’s skin, and the other nodded, his arms moving so they were wrapped around Ohno’s slight frame, holding him tightly.
“I don’t deserve you, Satoshi.” Was Jun’s response, and Ohno shifted, capturing Jun’s lips in another kiss.
They did not have sex that night, as Ohno and Jun, did not want their first time to be with a drunken Jun; and they did not have sex for a while afterwards, as Jun had to adjust to the idea that he was dating Ohno, and that dating Ohno changed nothing about their dynamics at work, and their relationships with the other band members in the least.
Sometimes, Jun still found himself watching Sho, with a sadness that was not of regret, but coming from the wish that the feelings were gone, so he could devote himself entirely to his boyfriend.
“Satoshi, you deserve better than this.” Jun had stated one night as they were on the couch, watching television, and Ohno had shaken his head.
“I don’t deserve anything, but the one that I want is Jun.” He assured Jun, capturing his lips in a kiss, and Jun knew that letting Ohno in, completely in, would take a lot more time, and effort on his part, but that Ohno Satoshi was totally and in every way, worth it.
Pairing: JunxOhno, set in the Collar Universe
Juntoshi request: a getting together fic set in the collar universe, how did Juntoshi come to be
for sesquerdo to fill a request.
Thanks to satsumatsu for being epic as usual!
Feel free to request something here and I will do it
Title: Distress Signals
Pairing: JunxOhno, set in the Collar Universe
Juntoshi request: a getting together fic set in the collar universe, how did Juntoshi come to be
Jun felt like he was having one of those days, though really perhaps it had been weeks and months stretching into having several years. It was just that nothing seemed to go right for him. One would think that being in an idol band would be one of the right things, but actually it was only making it more difficult for him, for many reasons.
First: He did not like the fact that he was channeling his most recent drama characters. For starters, it had been Sawada Shin, turning Jun into an angry, angsty, prickly and grumbly person. Though if he was going to be honest with himself he had all of those traits and it related to the next few facts on his list.
Second: Arashi, while popular - super popular after Hana Yori Dango Season One - was not popular in the way Jun imagined being famous would entail. Jun was not certain if there was anything that could be done about that, not really, but hopefully his new drama would help. He wanted them to be the best of the best, and all that they could ever be.
Third: Having read the script, Jun knew that he would be channeling his newest drama character again, Domiyoji Tsukasa. He hoped that his band mates were prepared to deal with that, since it was not going to be pretty. It had gotten him the nickname of DoS for a reason. While Jun was not really a sadist, he was easily sucked into those kind of roles.
Fourth: Jun was afraid that he would not do the role justice. He was not the same person when he had played Domiyoji the first time - and that had been hard enough, acting the spoiled rich kid, used to getting his way and who called himself as the prince of everything. To do it a second time, when the character had grown, but not really in ways that Jun would have expected him to… was even more difficult. And if he was bad at this, then it would look bad for the band and effect their popularity, and Jun knew that he would not be able to accept it if he was the reason that Arashi failed to gain popularity. It would destroy him.
Fifth: He still had a crush on his band mate Sakurai Sho, and this was unacceptable as the older man had more of less told him to fuck off and that his attentions were very much not welcome. Well, it had been more of a ‘I am stressed and I don’t need the fan girls fan girling over me, let alone my own fucking band mate so back the fuck off’, or something close to that (Jun tried not to think too much about it, since it hurt, a lot) and he wondered why he was still so hung up on it. It was the one and only time that they have talked about it. Sho seemed to have even forgotten that he had said it, but Jun…. Jun was stuck.
And so, despite all of the good thing in his life - Aiba Masaki, Ninomiya Kazunari (though he would never tell the other that, he would get mocked relentlessly), Ohno Satoshi, and even Sakurai Sho - Jun was having one of those days, in one of those weeks, in one of those months, in one of those spans of several years. He was in a funk, and he was not sure how he was going to get out of it. He was not even sure if he wanted to get out of it. If it stayed as prickly and harsh and pleasant as a porcupine or a hedgehog, or even a sea urchin, then perhaps people would leave him alone, and let him be, let him mope and pout and be generally disagreeable. For some reason, his band mates still seemed to love him (though not in that romantic way. It would be great though if Sho realized how epic and amazing Jun was and what he was missing out on for all these years, but Jun was not holding his breath for that one to happen anytime soon ). He knew that they cared, since Aiba made sure that everyone knew just how much he loved them, all of them, and Arashi, and how great everyone was every time they drank, and even when they were not with him, they would get the drunken text messages. But it was Aiba, so it was alright. If it was anyone else he would have thought that someone was fucking with him, or them, but it was Aiba, and Aiba had always been one to cry at the drop of a dime - so did Riida, when the mood or alcohol level was right. But if Nino ever sent a mushy text like that, Jun was certain that the world must be ending.
He had told Nino that, one night, as Aiba and Riida were leaning against each other, crying and talking about how awesome they all were. He had looked at Nino with a sigh and commented softly. “Please, if you ever decide to turn all mushy on us, do it without the tears.”
Nino nodded, glancing at Jun his expression serious. “I am as likely to get all mushy and teary over something like this as you are, MastuJun.”
In moments like that Jun was glad that Nino was Nino, prickly around the edges, a fill of snark and brattiness - that was what made him Nino and what Jun liked about him. They were two sides of the same coin, and despite the verbal warfare that was waged more often than not between them, they went well together. Nino understood Jun and the way that his emotions welled, and that the only way to deal with them sometimes was the scathing, biting remarks. When it got too bad, Nino would press a pack of smokes and a bottle of caffeinated something into Jun’s hands and send him off for a break, until he was calm and professional enough, collected and Jun enough, to deal with the work for the day.
Sometimes it was wordless, sometimes it was a ‘MatsuJun is better than this’, and sometimes it was just the soft muttering of his name, ‘Jun’, with a quick smile, a real smile, and eyes that spoke of understanding. Jun thought, in many ways, it was why Nino and his video games were inseparable. When things were too much, he could step away, push buttons and kill things in the RPGs he played, taking his frustration out in 8 and 16 bit characters and not the staff, guests or band members.
Jun was certain during these times that Nino would cover for him, and Riida too, if he had to guess, as the other always gave him a searching look when he got back from the increasingly more frequent ‘Jun needs a moment to remember that he is human and should not rip some ones throat in frustration’ moments. Killing someone with anything more than his glare (and he knew it was a fierce one, one he would need it for the role of Domiyoji most certainly) was unacceptable on many levels and would not be worth it.
And so, when Nino nodded, glancing at Jun, his expression serious, retorting, “I am as likely to get all mushy and teary over something like this as you are, MastuJun.” Jun nodded back, resting his head on the others shoulder for a briefest moment before straightening, getting back to his drink.
The others knew that he had gotten a drama role, and they had been told more or less what it was for, and who he would be playing, so they were out to celebrate. Jun was excited that he would get to work with Shun again, as between Gokusen and the first season of Hana Yori Dango they had become friends, and having friends outside of Johnny’s was something that Jun missed. He had not always liked Shun, but they had grown closer and taking this role, and having Shun as the main male co-star again, was something that he had wanted, and was glad that it actually happened.
“To Hana Yori Dango Season Two, may it be all that MatsuJun wants it to be!” It was Aiba who proposed the toast, lifting his glass high and sloshing beer on himself and Riida, sending them into a fit of giggles. It was with smiles and laughter that Jun, and the rest, joined Aiba.
What Jun wanted it to be was a project that pulled him out of this slump and got things started again in the right direction, where Jun knew who he was, where he was going and how to feel and react his skin. What he wanted was a place where he belonged. Where he knew that he did not have to worry about these things, since Jun just being Jun, and Jun not knowing where he fit or why, was something that was acceptable. It would be a place that he did not have to pretend.
But Jun did not think that such a harbor existed.
Jun could feel Riida’s gaze on him, droopy with alcohol but focused and sharp. As Nino got up and excused himself, heading off to find the bathroom, Ohno slid around the table, pressing up beside Jun with a smile.
“MatsuJun will be amazing. He always is.” Riida’s voice was soft, and Jun was certain that the others at the table could not hear, too drunk and sleepy and rowdy at the same time. Something only Aiba and Sho would manage. Jun and Nino were the Arashi herders for the evening, despite the fact that it was Jun’s celebration, but filming was starting soon and all the meetings were early. Jun would not dare to make a bad impression on these people. The others, seeing that particular arch and set of his eyebrows, knew better than to press or push. Jun knew that some other evening, when he could afford to relax and unwind (probably when the drama wrapped) he would be taken out, and not allowed to drive himself him. He would be herded home, tucked into bed, his spare key slipped under the door as they left.
It was a position that Jun rarely let himself get into, as he liked to have control of the situation, and drunkenness, at least the kind that two and a half of Arashi were demonstrating, took a lot of trust. It was not that he did not trust Arashi, it was just that he preferred not to surrender control to someone like that. As long as they never took advantage of it, and assumed that he would be making sure that they all got home safely, then it would all be good.
“Thank you, Riida.” Jun replied, softly. He was not phased as Ohno took a hold of his arm, moving it to he could snuggle into Jun’s side, his beer left on the other side of the table. When Nino came back, he pulled Aiba and Sho out of the booth with a smile, watching as Aiba fumbled with his wallet, tossing more than necessary on the table to cover their tabs.
“I will make sure these two get home, you take care of Riida, alright?” Nino asked, and Jun nodded, snapping back an, “Of course I will.”
Nino had just laughed. They both knew that his comment had been to get a reaction out of Jun, the smile that played at his lips contradicting the tone of his voice.
As if there were any doubt that Jun would take care of Ohno. It was Riida. Jun would not let anything happen to him, or any of them, if he could prevent it.
They did not speak for a moment, many moments, as Nino herded Aiba and Sho away, which was much like, Jun assumed, herding cats, as Aiba was wobbling and weaving across the place, and Sho was trying to keep him upright and safe, in mother hen mode even though he was shit faced. He could see the movement of Nino’s shoulders as he laughed at the pair. He watched Nino grab Aiba’s hand and pull him from the bar, Sho grabbing other Aiba’s hand as to not be left behind.
“I mean it, Jun.” Ohno repeated, his voice serious, not moving from where he was pressed into Jun’s side, holding the others hand in his own. It was rare to hear Ohno use his given name, to hear any of them call him anything other than MatsuJun or sometimes Jun-kun. But for Riida to use Jun, meant that he wanted his words to be taken more seriously than usual. He did not speak a lot, or often, so when he did, it merited attention.
After moving Jun’s arm out of the way so he could press into his side, he had grabbed the youngest’s hand, and had not let go of it yet. His grip rough, calloused and warm. From the gravity of his tone and the clarity of his words, Jun wondered if he was really drunk at all. In fact, from the easy way that Ohno had slid into Nino’s place and the casual suggestion that Jun should take Ohno home Jun wondered if they had planned something, or perhaps it was just their shared brain at work again, though everyone knew that Nino would prefer to take charge of Ohno, it was easier, Ohno being the most agreeable, and Ohmiya SK was everywhere, even when the camera’s were not on. And yet, Jun was certain, there was nothing but an amazing friendship between them. Jun had never seen Nino looking at Ohno with deep longing or affection that he knew still colored his gaze in reference to Sho - and he knew that Nino sometimes noticed the gazes, knew them for what they were.
When the agency had broke up Nino’s relationship, Nino had had those kind of gazes, the ‘I want this but I can not have it’ and ‘fuck it all why does life have to suck so much’ gazes that Jun knew all too well. Nino looked at Ohno with fondness and affection, but it was the same way that he looked at all of them.
Or perhaps Jun was full of crap, and it was wishful thinking that the Ohmiya SK was just a deep friendship. But it Nino was happy and Riida was happy, then there was nothing to complain about.
“Oh?” Jun replied, lightly, looking at the mess that Aiba and Sho had left on the table, resisting the urge to put the pile of bills that Aiba had tossed into the water rings to a safer and drier place.
“Jun had grown so much. He is very capable.” Ohno stated. Jun did not try to comprehend where that statement came from. It was better to let Ohno muse and then try and piece his logic together.
“Jun always makes Arashi proud, and I know that I am proud of him as well, this time will not be an expectation.” Ohno paused, shifting to hold Jun’s hand tighter. “But Jun holds so much in, and if he needs to talk, to any of us, or just to me, you know what we will listen. I will listen.” His voice was even, soothing, and Jun wondered just how much of him Riida was able see, how much he knew. He was alright with Nino seeing and knowing, since Nino would rather die before he betrayed Jun. But to be that easy to read, for everyone to know what he held in, who he was still suffering over, was not acceptable.
Jun forced himself to relax as Ohno commented. “I watch Jun very carefully, that is why I know, but Jun keeps his secrets very guarded, I was not sure for a long time.” Ohno shifted, so his leg was pressed into Jun’s under the table. By now he spoke more into Jun’s neck, his face cradled against Jun’s shoulder. Jun shifted, so Ohno was more comfortable, slouching down in the booth. He felt more than he heard Ohno chuckle at Jun’s automatic reaction.
“Jun takes such good care of all of us and tries to be an island all to himself. But when you are ready, I want to be on that island.” Ohno paused. “I want to answer the distress calls Jun does not even realize that he is sending out.”
And with that, Ohno officially succeeded in making Jun’s brain shut down as he stiffened in place, trying to process Ohno’s words and what they could mean. Ohno shifted, giving Jun space, and flagged down their waitress, making sure that the cash that Aiba had left was enough to cover everything. From the way her eyes widened, Ohno knew that it was more than enough, so he would be able to give Aiba back his extra money. She had been so kind enough to give Arashi space and keep others away (they were idols after all and people did recognize them, but they were not super idols) that Ohno wished he was able to leave a tip, but that just was not done. This was a place that they would be coming back too, since any palace where they could be themselves and not worry about the paparazzi and scandals was a good place. Plus, it was cheap, which meant Nino was more likely to come and let others pay for him than if it were an expensive place, where he would let them pay, if you could get him to come (and that was quite hard to do).
“Come on, MatsuJun, you have to take me home or Nino will be mad.” Ohno pulled Jun by the hand out of the bar and allowed Jun to lead him to where the car was parked. He smiled serenely as Jun opened the door and buckled his seat belt for him, making certain that Ohno was safe and secure before he got into the car himself.
“Where am I taking you?” Jun asked, his voice light. Sometimes Ohno went to his parents place, some days he crashes at other member’s houses. One day Ohno would get his own place, he was sure, but no one, not even Ohno, knew when that would be.
“MatsuJun’s place is fine, if that is alright with you?” He asked, though he knew it was of course alright with Jun, as he was not going to say no to Ohno. And he still wished to pursue this distress signals he did not know he was sending out, but perhaps this was not the best night for it. He was supposed to be up in the morning early and would be leaving Ohno asleep on the couch, since the eldest did not like to sleep on beds for some reason.
They did not talk much as they drove. Ohno was humming along to the radio when a song he knew came on, mostly Arashi or any of their senpai bands, Jun was content with that. He was focused on getting them home and dissecting what Ohno had said, what he had even meant, and what was he supposed to do about it.
The silence stretched, loud in his ears, until they were parked, up the seventh floor, the door closed behind them, locked and bolted, their shoes placed beside the entry and it was Jun who broke it. “Riida, what did you-“ Jun stopped as Ohno shook his head at Jun with a smile.
“Don’t think so hard, MatsuJun, just know that I am here.” Ohno moved forward, pulling Jun into a hug, his arms tight and Jun could not help but hug him back “MatsuJun carries so much on his own, and the more he carries the pricklier he is. But...” Ohno stepped back, his arms resting loosely on Jun’s hips, “I love MatsuJun, so I will be here when he is ready to share his burdens with me.”
“You what?” Jun knew that his voice was the softest whisper. He could not believe what he was hearing, that he actually just had Riida, Ohno Satoshi, amazingly creative artist, dancer and talent of their band, say those three words.
“I love MatsuJun, but I know that he still cares about Sho-kun.” Ohno tightened his grip on Jun’s waist, slipping his fingers into the belt loops, holding Jun in place as the other tried to flee.
“I do not, how did you-why do you-“ Jun stammered, trying to deny what they both knew was true.
“I watch everyone, but especially MatsuJun, and I see the way that you watch him, follow him, the light in your eyes when he pays attention to you, and how sad you are when he doesn’t. And I see how angry you get when you realize that you are doing this.” Ohno paused. “I don’t know what happened between you, or why you are content to sit back, since it is not MatsuJun-like at all, but when you want to be loved, when you need someone, I am here, and I will wait for MatsuJun to let me over to his island, so I can help him.”
“I-“ Jun chocked on his words as he looked down at Ohno, noting the serious expression on his face, in his eyes, the set of his jaw as it jutted out. His tone left no room for arguing. “I confessed to him and he rejected me. Harshly. I just haven’t gotten over it. I need to, but fuck-“ When Jun wrenched away from Ohno, Ohno allowed it, watching Jun pace the room. “I don’t want to be in love with someone who does not love me, and has no desire to.” His voice was soft, running a hand through his hair in agitation. Ohno could see the tension in is frame, taught as if he was going to snap at any moment. “I don’t fucking want this anymore, Riida,” Jun looked to the other who nodded, moving closer to pull Jun into another hug, and this time he would not let go.
“Then do something about it. It is not like Jun to let a problem sit and fester like this, to let anything consume him that he does not want. Jun is a passionate person and-“ Ohno paused, pressing a kiss, ever so light, against Jun’s cheek. “-usually Jun rules his life, not the other way around. Take back your life, Jun.”
“Why me, why do you, how?” Jun asked, and Ohno just looked at him, a serene smile on his face.
“Because it is Jun-kun. He is worth it.” Jun allowed Ohno to pull him towards the bedroom, where they both stripped down to their boxers and just snuggled in bed. Nothing happened. Jun did not want anything to happen. He was certain that he did not love Ohno, was not certain that he even liked him like that, at least not yet, then again Riida was an easy person to like. He adored him, admired him, would do anything for him. Perhaps that was a start.
“I do not want Jun-kun to do anything that he does not want to do, but I do love him, and I want him to let me in.” Ohno muttered as they were falling asleep, cradled in the warmth of Jun’s arms. He smiled as Jun replied softly.
“I will try, but I promise nothing.”
And Jun did try, all during his drama filming. He would come home and sometimes Ohno would be there, with take outs and a smile. Sometimes, Jun knew that the other had been there, but could not stay, as there was food in the fridge and a note for Jun, wishing him luck the next day when he would not see Ohno before his jobs. Jun found, as the weeks went on, that he thought less of Sho and the Might Have Beens and the Could Have Beens, and more of Ohno, wondering if there was going to be a surprise for him at his apartment (something from his favorite restaurant, sweets from a bakery, his favorite bottle of wine, fish from his fishing trips).
Jun was sure that the others didn’t know about the extra times he was hanging out with Ohno, since he was not making a big deal about it, neither was Ohno. It was not a secret, per se, it was just that it was not something that Jun thought needed to be announced. “Hey everyone, I am hanging out with Riida more, is that alright with you?” But it was nice.
It was the night when Hanadan Two wrapped up when things changed between them. That night, in the same bar as before, it was Ohno who promised Nino, in all seriousness, that he would get Jun home, and he would pay for the taxi, so please, enjoy yourself, since this is Jun’s night, and he has already promised that he is going to relax for once. Nino had sent Jun a sharp gaze and Jun nodded. “Riida is returning the favor. I took care of him when we were out before filming started, remember?” And Nino had turned his attention elsewhere, mostly making sure that Sho and Aiba, already half drunk, did not do anything too stupid.
And so Ohno sat beside Jun, holding his hand under the table sometimes, when the others were not looking. But he spent just as much time pressed up against Nino, laughing and joking, teasing the other man as he did with Jun, and Jun was glad to see that things were still the same in the group, the dynamics were not different.
Part of Jun wondered what it would be like to have something like Nino with Ohno, to be that close to him, to easily wrap his arms around the other and hold him close, to rest his head on his shoulder on air during filming, knowing that everyone would be alright with it.
But Jun did not do things like that on camera, that fit not his image - and he would not want it any other way. What he did in private was private, and there was no need to fuel the imagination of those around him. As awesome as a Juntoshi SJ (SM, JS, MS (Jun was not sure what their initials would even be in that case) would be, it was not something that Jun wanted.
What he did want, however, he realized, mid sip, as Nino leaned over and placed a light kiss on Ohno’s cheek, as he usually did during their Ohmiya moments, was Ohno Satoshi. Jun found that he could not finish the sip, and that the booth and the room suddenly felt too confined. He was hyper aware of Ohno beside him, the way his hips and ass pushed against his hip as he leaned onto Nino, the seats in the booth far to small for three of them to be sharing a bench.
He needed to get out for a moment, to breath, to deal with the weight he suddenly felt as if it was going to crush him to the ground. Something must have shown in his face, in the way that his hands trembled as they held the glass to his lips, since it was Nino who leaned over, a pack of cigarettes appearing in his hand.
“Smoke break?” Nino offered, and when Jun nodded, the pair left Ohno on the bench, grabbing hats, scarves and glasses; and after a brief word to the waitress and donning their makeshift disguise, they were allowed to slip out the back door, leaving it propped open behind them.
“What’s wrong, Jun-kun?” Nino leaned close, his back against Jun’s chest, the other with an arm lightly around his waist, glad for the darkness of the ally and the secluded nature of the back down, around a corner from the main alley - most likely where they would not be seen. Nino stood there, huddling against Jun for warmth, though the night was only cool and not cold, Nino was always cold. Jun was glad for his presence though. It kept him grounded, and real, a reminder that he was here, that he was in control.
“Nothing.” Jun denied, and Nino shook his head, taking a long drag.
“Lies, Jun-kun, don’t suit you.”
“I just realized something, and it shook me a bit, but it is nothing that I cannot handle. I was just startled, that is all.” Jun answered, honestly, without actually telling Nino anything, and the other hmmed, not pressing the issue. He would let Jun have his secrets.
“I-“ Nino paused, weighing his words. “Things seem to be better between you and Sho-kun though, so whatever you have going on in that head of yours, I am glad that you are in a better place.” Nino made certain that the tone in his words was light. Jun nodded.
“I have been busy, and thinking a lot less about the crush that will never come into fruition.” Nino had always been observant and knew that Jun had liked Sho probably even before Jun had known that Jun liked Sho. After Jun confessed, Nino knew that it had not gone well, but he did not push him to talk about it, just invited Jun over to his house for dinner and an all night gaming session, and snuggling while they slept, since that was how Nino worked, and it had been nice.
“I am glad, Jun seems to be more OK in his own skin now.” Nino’s voice was light and he pushed off of Jun, spinning around with a smile as he tossed his cigarette aside. “Come on, its your party and you are not even drunk yet. What kind of friends would we be if we did not make certain that Jun-kun has the night of his life tonight, well at least until the next concert, or drama, or movie. Tonight needs to be the best to date.” Nino’s smile was wide and contagious, and Jun followed Nino back inside with a smile, more at peace with the fact that at last he wanted Ohno, and they had not even talked about it.
“Thanks, Nino.” Jun told him, as the back door closed behind them and they moved back to the table. It was the way Nino’s hand tightened around his own and did not let go as they went back to the table, that Jun knew Nino heard, while he never said ‘you are welcome’ - the sentiment, Jun knew, was there.
It was the last clear thing that Jun recalled that night. He knew that they wandered from the bar to a yakiniku place that Aiba swore by, and that there was more food, and more drinks, and more of someone playing footsie with him under the table, but it was Arashi, and in Arashi anyone could be playing footise with anyone at any given time (well, Nino or Aiba would initiate, with no discrimination to their target) so he could not be sure.
He was drunk, and content to be able to just relax as Ohno made sure to sit beside him the entire night, touching Jun in ways that were not unusual for Arashi, but unusual for Jun and Riida. In ways that left Jun’s body buzzing and humming and aware of Riida, as he had not been aware of him before. Or perhaps it was just the alcohol. It was what Jun kept trying to tell himself, each time his heart jumped a little when Ohno would shift, pressing more into Jun as he interacted with Aiba across the table, his eyes crinkling in amusement at something that Aiba said; or the way he would lean across Jun to tell Sho something, his arms and side pressing against Jun’s torso. Jun wondered how no one else seemed to be able to feel the tension, could see the way Jun trembled slightly each time that it happened, or saw the looks that Ohno would give Jun from the corner of his eyes, the slight smile apparent as his hand brushed Jun’s lightly.
He never would have thought that Ohno was a tease, but he was teasing Jun that night, right under everyone’s noses; and for once, Jun wished that skinship in Arashi would be not such a common thing, so someone, anyone, would go, ‘What the hell, Oh-chan, this isn’t like you.’
Jun’s attention snapped back to the matter at hand as Sho spoke, his voice louder than it needed to be, but the alcohol would do that to a person.
“Satoshi-kun.” Ohno nodded and Sho continued. “Ma-chan won’t be able to eat or drink if you lean across him like that. Give him some space.” Sho’s words were slurred and Jun tensed, drawing in a sharp breath at the name.
Ma-chan was a very rare nickname that was been given to him. The group rarely used it, but the way it spilled off Sho’s lips, the familiarity he talked to Jun, it was just too much right then. Jun could feel the tendrils of feelings that were fading coming back to life, just a little bit, the places where Ohno’s body touched his own seemed a little less important, and fuck, he did not want that.
“It’s alright, Sho-kun. It’s Riida, so I don’t mind.” Jun smiled at Sho, brightly and happily, sliding an arm around Ohno’s waist, holding him tightly for a moment. Truth was, it was Riida so none of them would mind, and if they did, they would speak up. The truth went for any of them, Ohno shifted, looking to Jun, watching the expressions on his face. Jun nodded, speaking so softly that he was sure no one heard, his lips hardly moving at all.
“Stay, please?” Was what he asked, and Ohno nodded, turning back to Sho, continuing the conversation where it had left off. Jun did his best to eat around Ohno, and when the other noticed, observing Jun’s reluctance to tell him to move so he could eat, Ohno shifted across Jun’s lap, sliding across it with a quick grin and look that promised many things that Jun would not have been able to process sober, and certainly could not drunk... But one thing that Jun could remember, as Ohno moved to sit on his other side, so he could easily converse with Sho, was the hand the brushed across his lap, cupping him for a brief moment and Ohno’s eyes locked with him in laughter. Jun was sure that he chocked on his beer as Ohno settled down beside him.
He did not remember much else of that night, until they were back in Jun’s apartment, showered and clean, snuggling on the couch. Ohno was reluctant to go to sleep that night, despite how sleepy and drunk Jun was, he was not going to push it; or would bring up being groped by Riida, as it might have all been a joke, or a spur of the momentl, or maybe just his imagination, being drunk did mix up ones memories.
“I am glad that Jun-kun trusts me enough to let go like this.” Ohno’s voice was soft. Jun nodded, not bothering to argue with Ohno. He would trust any of them too, but Ohno had looked so cute and insistent when he said that Jun was going to have fun that night, and he would take care of him this time. And one would not argue with Ohno when he had that set to his jaw, you did just not.
“I have something for you, Jun-kun, but I had hoped you would be more sober than this.” Ohno shifted, so he was straddling Jun’s lap on the couch, reaching for a bag on the table behind him, arching and stretching in a way that his hips ground into Jun’s. Jun could not help the moan that slipped form his lips, and this time, he was quite sure that it was intentional, as Ohno wiggled and rolled his hips before he straightened up with a light in his eyes that Jun wanted to see more of.
“I have something for you, but only if you want it and accept it, and me.” Ohno’s voice was soft and he held out a small box for Jun. Inside was a necklace, a simple one with a boat and an anchor.
“Satoshi, what is this?” Jun asked. They both knew that Jun did not mean the necklace, but more the gesture.
“I-I wanted to wait, but I realized that I did not like it when Sho-kun called you Ma-chan, and I thought that there might be something there, and I didn’t like that.” Ohno paused. Jun stared at him with wide eyes, in shock much like he had been when Ohno had confessed him. “I-I want Jun for myself and I hope, by now, Jun wants me too and-“ Ohno stopped as Jun smiled up at him.
“I realized tonight that I want Satoshi. I know that it is not love, not yet, but I think that I can, and I will love Satoshi.” Jun knew his words were much sappier than they would be if he was sober. “I like Satoshi, I know that and-“ Jun stopped as Ohno’s lips pressed against his own, his tongue sweeping inside to tangle with Jun’s own as he caught him mid word. The smile on his face as he broke the kiss was bright and happy.
“It is enough, for now. I finally made it to the island of Jun, but I am not sure that he needs me here. The distress signals are almost gone.” Ohno’s eyes crinkled in amusement as he fasted the necklace around Jun’s neck, leaning forward to kiss him below his ear, smiling against Jun’s skin at the other shuddered at the contact. “I am there, and I claim it as my own, and no one else’s. I don’t mind that you still care for him, as it makes you who you are, but I ask you to keep trying to move on, and move with me, so we can both be in the same place. You are mine, and I won’t share Jun, with noone.” Ohno spoke into Jun’s skin, and the other nodded, his arms moving so they were wrapped around Ohno’s slight frame, holding him tightly.
“I don’t deserve you, Satoshi.” Was Jun’s response, and Ohno shifted, capturing Jun’s lips in another kiss.
They did not have sex that night, as Ohno and Jun, did not want their first time to be with a drunken Jun; and they did not have sex for a while afterwards, as Jun had to adjust to the idea that he was dating Ohno, and that dating Ohno changed nothing about their dynamics at work, and their relationships with the other band members in the least.
Sometimes, Jun still found himself watching Sho, with a sadness that was not of regret, but coming from the wish that the feelings were gone, so he could devote himself entirely to his boyfriend.
“Satoshi, you deserve better than this.” Jun had stated one night as they were on the couch, watching television, and Ohno had shaken his head.
“I don’t deserve anything, but the one that I want is Jun.” He assured Jun, capturing his lips in a kiss, and Jun knew that letting Ohno in, completely in, would take a lot more time, and effort on his part, but that Ohno Satoshi was totally and in every way, worth it.