Let it go (6/?)

[doctoggy]

Still working on this, but a preview for those who stalk me are my friends

Let is go: Six
A story from Matsumoto Jun and Aiba Masaki’s perspective
Pairing: Matsumiya, Ohmiya (friendship)

Thanks again to satsumatsu for being super amazing and knocking out a whole bunch of edits and proofs for me. <3

It was not that Jun was avoiding to talk to Nino about things, in fact it was high on his priority list. Unfortunately it happened to fall right after taking care of all the project deadlines that were two weeks away.

In an afterthought, he would need to talk to Sho about doing better scheduling for the future projects, given that these were all repeat customers, some of them were based in Okinawa. They needed to make sure that they kept their business.

Right now there was nothing that Jun could do but work overtime, along with Shun and the rest of the marketing and public relations team.  Shun was really stepping up and taking care of things, doing everything he could to make certain that his transition into Jun’s job was going to be as seamless as possible. He was aware that in eight weeks, he would be the new public relations and marketing director. While Jun new the other was nervous, he also knew that Shun was ready for the challenge. Jun was working twenty hour days, solid days. They were busy enough that Jun was living off delivery food that got sent to the office. He did not have time to cook, for himself or for Sho, or Nino - a fact that Sho knew better than to push.

But a schedule like that, where he was home and in bed by three, and back to work by seven, did not leave any time to talk about such things as kisses and feelings and what in the world, if anything, they were.

It did not stop Nino from slipping into his office, bringing him take outs from Aiba’s place or coffee; or from dropping a quick kiss on Jun’s cheek or the top of his head, on his lips when he knew that he would not get caught. But they never had a chance to talk and usually Jun was so busy that all he could do was mumble a quick thanks to Nino before the other man slipped back to his own cubicle.

Once or twice though, it was Jun who pulled Nino down for a kiss. He certainly enjoyed the surprise in the others eyes and the smile that he would get before Nino left.

The week after that both Jun and Sho were down in Okinawa, conducting interviews for the new office, as well as meeting with Nakai and the contractors. They were going to have to get new ones and that meant legal mess to fire the ones that they had and hire anew. Nakai estimated that it would probably take a few weeks, but after that, it would be best, he felt, if one of them were down there full time. The owners of the company were taken far more seriously than he was - evidently so by the sincere apologies and constant visits from the managers of the construction company as soon as word got around that the owners of SM Enterprises were in town, and they were not happy.

“A few weeks, huh?” Jun muttered to himself, slipping his keys into the apartment door. It was late, but not so late that he Nino would be asleep yet. Hopefully the other was free, so they could talk.

Jun dropped his bag inside the door, slipping his shoes off, pleased and disappointed at the same time to see his brothers worn sneakers sitting in the entrance.

“Ah, Jun-kun is back.” He could hear Satoshi’s comment and the shuffling feet padding over to him. Jun was enveloped in a hug. He noticed that Satoshi held him tight, taking in deep breaths. Jun could not help but ruffle his hair affectionately, wrapping his bother in a hug.

“I was not at the beach, so you won’t be able to smell anything.”

“So you didn’t go to Okinawa?” Satoshi muttered and Jun shook his head.

“I was there, we were just so busy with work that I did not have time to go to the beach.” Jun replied as Ohno shifted and the pair walked together to the living room, Jun’s arm slung over his brothers shoulder.

“I want to go to Okinawa. Take me with you next time.” Ohno asked and Jun nodded.

“I will see what I can do, Satoshi-nii-chan.” Jun was pleased at the way his brothers face lit up in a happy smile. He could almost see the fishes swimming around in his eyes as he thought about how much fishing he would be able to do there.

“I don’t. I hate the beach and the sand and would much rather stay in the city. Besides, there are no video games at the beach.” Nino commented, before looking to Jun, smiling for a brief moment. “Welcome home, stranger, it has been ages since we have last seen each other.”

Jun nodded and was slightly puzzled when Nino moved towards the door, Satoshi following behind him. “I didn’t know you would be back tonight, otherwise we would not have made plans with Masaki.” Nino offered in apology and Jun looked to Ohno, noting that his sketch pad was cradled in his arms, something he only did when he was in town for a show.

“It is fine, there is no reason that you should change your plans because of me.” Jun answered, before looking to his brother. “When will the gallery show be, Satoshi? I will make sure to add it to my calendar.”

“In two weeks. I am showing Kazu the gallery after work tomorrow, if you want to come as well you are more than welcome to,” Satoshi offered and Jun cooked his head to the side.

“I cannot recall if I have the night free tomorrow or not. There are a lot of things that still need to be finished up with Okinawa, so I might not be free.”

Satoshi nodded. “Of course. Night, Jun-nii.” Ohno shuffled out the door. Nino paused in the door way, looking to Jun.

“You sure you don’t want to come?”

“I can’t.” Jun paused, stepping towards Nino and dropping his voice. “I - there are some things that we need to talk about. I was hoping that you would be free soon?” Jun was sure that he looked fiercer than necessary but asking Nino if he had time to talk about things was nerve racking.

Nino did not answer for a moment, searching Jun’s face for something. Jun was not sure if he found it, since Nino only shrugged, smiling a thin smile that Jun felt was put on and forced.

“Of course, I will let you know when I am free,” with that the door closed, Nino and Satoshi out for an evening of what Jun was sure would be excessive drinking, since when Aiba was involved, there was always something excessive.

The problem was that the time when Nino was free never came. The next night Jun was late at work and by the time he got home Nino and Satoshi were already gone to look at the studio. Nino did not get back until late, going straight into his bedroom while Satoshi crashed on the couch, sleeping before Jun could even ask if he needed to move into the bedroom.

The days after that, Satoshi was meeting with Nino for lunch, taking him out and they were gone in the evening. Jun had tried calling Nino, asking him if he would be home, because really, they did need to talk, but all he got was curt “Sorry, with Oh-chan, cant talk now” before he was hung up on.

It was frustrating to say the least.

The days turned into a week and Jun was beginning to think that Nino was avoiding him. Jun even went by his cubicle, to see if he could catch him there, but even there he had run into his brother, both Nino and Satoshi hunched over a piece of paper, whispering among themselves.

“Do you have a moment?” Jun asked, frowning at the way they both jumped, Satoshi slamming his sketch bad closed and Nino turning around quickly, hiding something behind his back. Jun was almost certain that he saw paint on Nino’s hands, but wouldn’t that be odd. Nino did not paint, at least Jun did not think that he painted but the other man had surprised him this week. Jun was certain, now, that there was much about Nino that he did not know.

“We are kind of busy. I am helping Oh-chan with his art show. Did you need something?” Nino asked. Jun could see that the other man was nervous. Satoshi was staring at him with wide, deer caught in the headlights like eyes - he only did that when he was afraid of being discovered on something that he wanted kept a secret. But it was always his art projects, so why that look now, when he was with Nino.

“I-“ Jun started but then sighed, when he saw the take out contained on the desk beside Satoshi. “I wanted lunch, but it appears that you already have food.”

“Sorry, Jun-kun. Maybe later?” Satoshi offered softly and Jun nodded.

“No, I am sorry to bother, I will let you both get back to whatever you are planning. But please, Nino, make sure that you get your work done as well? We have some very important deadlines in three weeks and we need that software ready by then.” Jun did not look to see the effect his words had. He knew that he was reverting back to old behaviors, to the shy withdrawn nature, but dammit, it hurt to see Nino and Satoshi so close and it hurt that Nino seemed to be avoiding him. Things had seemed to be going well before he left on his business trip to Okinawa, so what the hell had happened while he was gone to cause this.

In three weeks, someone would be moving to Okinawa, at least if they stayed on schedule, and as much as Sho hated to do it, he was pushing Jun for an answer. They needed to know, for a while now, who was moving.

That night found Jun himself at Aiba’s restaurant alone. Sho and Shun had tried to come, pressing until Jun had snapped at them both that he did not want them - their advice or their pity along, and just leave him alone.

“I will give you an answer in two days, just give me that much time, please?” Was what he had said as he left Sho’s office. Despite the fact that the door had been closed and no one outside heard Jun’s explosion, they could all see the anger evident in his posture, in his face, and after the infamous coffee incident with the intern, people steered very clear of Matsumoto Jun when he was in a mood like this one.

Which was why he was sitting there alone, drinking sake and beer. At first Aiba didn’t question him, just handed him more sake when his was empty and kept the beer flowing. Even after the place had closed and Aiba had locked the doors, sinking into a chair beside Jun with a glass of his own he didn’t ask anything, just drinking, waiting for Jun to speak.

Aiba had spent enough time with them, talked enough with Sho, with Nino and with Satoshi to know that one couldn’t press Jun to talk about something, he needed to open up to you before he would tell what he was really thinking, and really feeling.

It also helped that Sho had messaged him, asking him to take care of Jun for him, since Jun had wanted some time on his own. Aiba did not ask why Jun and Nino had not stepped by recently, though he wanted too. He would just wait and see, and hope Jun opened up.

“What does Satoshi have that I don’t?” Jun wondered, his words slurred slightly, but it was enough to cause Aiba to push his glass away, turning his full attention to Jun, who, he was quite certain, was drunk.

“What do you mean, MatsuJun?”

“I-things were going to well with us, Aiba-chan. We were finally making progress. Kisses and stuff.” Jun looked to Aiba, and the older man was struck by the sadness that he could see in his eyes. “I-thought that things were going well, slow, but well.”

“They are!” AIba insisted. “Kazu is always so excited when he talks about you, and he was quite pleased that sometimes you even take the initiative and kiss him.” If Jun was any less drunk he would have been very embarrassed by that comment, but he was drunk, so he let that comment slide.

“Then why has he been avoiding me?” Jun asked, and Aiba had no answer.

“Avoiding you? I am sure that is not the case.”

Jun nodded sighing loudly and slumping down onto the table.

“I got back from Okinawa. You know we are opening a branch there, right?” Jun asked, not waiting for Aiba to answer. “In two weeks either Sho or I are going to move there.”

“WHAT?” Aiba cried out and Jun nodded.

“The new branch is having issues, and as owners one of us is going to move down there to manage it.”

“Owner, MatsuJun?” Aiba asked and Jun nodded, talking into his arm.

“Sakurai Matsumoto Enterprises. SM Enterprises. It is our baby. No one else knows what the M is, but it is ours.”

“I told Nino that I needed to talk to him, since I do. I need to know if I am moving or if Sho is moving, but he is never home. He is always out with Satoshi-nii-chan. I told Nino that it was important, but he is avoiding me and hiding something from me. Every time I walk by, Satoshi-nii-chan looks to guilty, and - why Satoshi-nii-chan, Aiba-chan? Why?” Jun asked but of course he did not get an answer. Aiba did not know.

“I have to give Sho an answer in the next couple of days and -“ Jun stopped speaking, just buried his head in his hands. Aiba reached over to the beer that he had set aside and slammed it back.

He did know that Nino very much liked Jun. A lot. So the fact that he was avoiding Jun and hanging out almost exclusively with Satoshi was a bit odd. He also knew that Satoshi wanted Nino and Jun to get together as much as everyone else. And even Satoshi, in his infinite patience, was getting tired of the way the two were dancing around each other, afraid to do anything.

So, when Jun asked for more sake, in a cracking voice, Aiba gave him more. And when he was passed out drunk on the table, Aiba had sent a message to Sho, letting him know that Jun was crashing at his place tonight, since he was in no shape to go back to the apartment that he and Nino shared. With the mood that he was in it might be better if he did not. Aiba also commented that Jun might be late, since he was almost certainly going to be hung over, but that Aiba would take good care of him.

“What is happening with him and Nino?” Sho had messaged, but Aiba really did not have an answer for the other man. Whatever Nino was doing, he was keeping it a secret, even from Aiba, and they had been best friends for as long as Aiba could recall. Aiba would certainly be calling him in the morning, finding out what the hell was going on.

This had to be a big misunderstanding. That was the only explanation for it.

In the morning, after Jun had sworn off drinking, and cursed at Aiba, and then thanked him for taking care of him when the other had passed him coffee and painkiller, Jun said that he would give it one more try, but then he would have to give Sho an answer. Jun offered sincere apologies for being a nuisance to Aiba, thanking him for being a good friend.

Jun was assured that it had been no trouble, and that while it was a surprise to find out that Jun owned the company, it made sense, and that he, or Sho, whichever it was, would be missed, very much.

“Two weeks is not a lot of time, MatsuJun, so come by and see me lots before you go?” Aiba had asked. Jun had nodded, already replying to emails on his phone as he was out the door.

Sho checked on Jun a few times during the work day, but Jun had his head buried in paperwork, so he was unable to talk with him. Sho had ambled by Nino’s cubicle, but the programmer was buried in his work, programming windows up on the several computer screens that were his domain. It was the hardest that Sho had ever seen him work, and Sho had heard about Jun’s scolding of Nino from Nagase, wondering why, if Nino was avoiding Jun, was he working so hard on the project for him? Enough that he was putting in overtime hours over the past few days.

Sho was disappointed, for Jun, when the other did not even have a chance to talk to Nino that day during work. He wondered if Jun had just given up or if he was trying things that Sho just could not see. There was no way for Sho to tell and it was a touchy subject with Jun, understandably. He had called Aiba, after Jun was in the office that day and had gotten a run down of what had happened the night before. He cursed himself for failing to be there for Jun, but it sounded like Aiba had been a good support, which he was thankful for. It was kind of surprising that Jun had opened up to Aiba at all, but apparently there had been a lot of alcohol involved. Jun was always a lot more relaxed and open with alcohol. But it did not change the fact that Jun was upset, and from what Sho had gathered from Aiba with good reasons. It was tempting to just pick up the phone and chew Ohno out for being a crappy ass bother. Didn’t he want to see Jun and Nino together as well. But he would not, at least not until after all of this had blown over. Then, and only then, Ohno would get a piece of his mind.

Jun drew in a deep breath, getting ready to go over to Nino’s cubicle. He would try one more time, just one more. Then he would give Sho his answer. His steps were slow as he walked over. As he arrived, Nino was on his way out, his bag slung over his shoulder, his computer shut down for the day.

“Ah, Nino, I guess you are leaving?” Jun leaned against the opening to Nino’s cubicle and the other paused.

“Ah, Jun-kun.” Nino paused, smiling at the man. “I am sorry that I have been so busy lately, between work and helping Oh-chan with his project I just haven’t had the time to talk.” Nino paused. “I  promised him that I would help and its been taking up all of my time. I will be free, once his show is done, if you still want to talk then.” Nino’s smile was wide and earnest. Jun hoped that he hid his disappointment.

“I was hoping that we could talk sooner than that, it is important.” Jun’s voice was soft.

Nino nodded. “I know, and I am sorry. I do want to.”

“There is no way?” Jun asked and Nino shook his head.

“I am sorry, Jun.” He moved to walk past Jun and paused, looking at Jun with narrowed eyes. “Is something wrong, Jun-pon? You look unusually serious.”

“It is nothing, not really.” Jun lied. “There is a lot on my mind in relation to the branch in Okinawa that is opening soon and-“ Jun smiled at Nino. “It is nothing that I will bother you with. Go help Satoshi-nii-chan. It is good that he had found someone that can support him like this in all of his endeavors.” Jun turned to go, but Nino stepped up behind him. Jun could feel the warmth of the other man, a hand ghosting across his back.

“Jun, it is just another few weeks, I am not going anywhere, and-“ Nino paused, his voice lowered, so only Jun could hear it. “If you need anything, I am here, Jun. We both are.”

“What I need is to talk, but you have made it clear that can’t happen.” Jun commented, moving back to his office with swift steps. He could see Sho watching from his office door but he did not want to deal with him at the moment. What he wanted was for Nino to follow him to his office and ask what was wrong. For them to talk. But that would not happen. As Jun sank into his desk chair, he could see Nino hesitate, looking to Jun with a worried expression before smiling and heading out.

Jun was not surprised when he got a call from Ohno later, asking if he was alright.

“Nino said that you were a bit off in the office, and I am worried. Jun is never anything less than professional at work.” Ohno commented and Jun had forced himself to smile into the phone, hoping that Ohno would not be able to pick up on his mood.

“It is nothing, just some decisions that needed to be made regarding Okinawa.” Jun paused, his breath caught in this throat. “I hope that whatever he is helping you on is a huge success, Satoshi-nii-chan.” Jun commented and he could almost hear Ohno thinking.

“Something is wrong, Jun. What is it?” Ohno asked and Jun could not answer for a long time. He could hear a voice in the background. From the pitch he knew it was Nino, though he could not hear what the other was saying.

“It doesn’t matter now, Satoshi, I got the answer that I needed.” Jun’s voice was tight. He could feel that his eyes burned with tears, but he would not cry. There was no reason, not really. “I hope that whatever it is that Nino is helping you with turns out amazing. I look forward to seeing it in your show.” Jun commented softly.

“I-we can come over, if you need us to, Jun. Or I can just come if you want.” Ohno did not respond to what Jun said, instead commenting on everything he had not.

“I need to get back to work. Sho and I have a lot to do. I will see you at your show, I am sure.” Jun replied lightly before hanging up.

He knew that both Nino and Ohno had been staying at Ohno’s studio. He was not stupid. Nino had not been coming home at nights, neither one of them had. It made only sense. During visits he would sleep on the couch, or a bed in the spare room. But that room was now Nino’s. It was normal for Ohno to sleep at the studio unless he was working on an art project.

Jun got a few more messages that night, from Ohno and from Aiba. The latter asked if things were better, if Jun was alright. Jun had replied with a curt “Things are fine, thank you”, ignoring subsequent messages from the restaurant owner who was trying to cheer him up. Ohno had called again, as well as messaged but Jun did not answer. Ohno’s “What is wrong, Jun?”, was hard enough to deal with, but insisting that he and Nino could come over, would come over if Jun needed them, was just too much.

“The project we are working on is not worth more than Jun’s happiness,” he said. Jun knew that he meant it. But he needed to talk to Nino, not Nino and Satoshi. Jun thought he had made it quite clear to Nino that they needed to talk. And programmer had even commented that afternoon that he knew that he was avoiding the talk.

What other answer did Jun need?

His decision was solidified when he received a call from Nakai, stating that there had been some storms, that the building site was flooded. The contractors had been sloppy and their half finished project had caused, what Nakai feared, a damage to the building.

Jun thanked the other man for the call, assuring him that it would be taken care of. “I will be moving there within the week. As soon as I can get it arranged.” Jun had conducted the call in a curt manner. As soon as he was off the phone with Nakai he had sent Sho a message, letting him know that it was Jun who would be moving, plus the summary of the conversation with Nakai.

“I will be moving as soon as we can arrange it, Sho. I am sorry for the delay.” That was how he ended the message. When Sho had called, worried, Jun had just told him that it had been decided, and please let it drop. He was sorry that he had let personal matters get in the way of the company. It would not happen again, after all he was needed down in Okinawa, so the sooner he could move the better. Sho had been easily distracted by news of the site flooding, enough that he did not push an explanation.

When Jun had shown up at Aiba’s place with a nervous smile that evening and announced that he was moving, as soon as possible, all Aiba could do was to hand him a drink before he even started asking, his heart breaking at the brave smile that Jun tired to put on; cursing the fact that Nino was avoiding his calls now as well. He was supposed to have fixed this, before it came down to Jun deciding to move.

For Jun the next week passed in a blur. Arranging to have the movers come, packing his things and scheduling when they would transport them down to Okinawa; as well as arrangements for an apartment in Okinawa, his lease for the old apartment, for Satoshi’s studio - it was a mess.

Jun had hesitated for a moment, a brief moment, when he was told that the only day that they would be able to move was the day of Ohno’s art show. In the end he had to accept it, leaving him to sign the contracts. There was not much that could be done. He depended on the movers after all. It would be harder to negotiate a contract with a company they had not used before than it would be to accept the fact that he was just going to have to move early, a week earlier than he would like, and on the opening night of his brother’s art show.

Part of Jun hoped that Nino would come home and see the moving boxes, wondering what was happening. But the boxes were in Jun’s room and the most moving preparation was to be done the day of the art show. Jun was leaving most of his belongings here and would get them later when the lease was up.

“It would be mean of me to inconvenience Nino. And since Satoshi-nii-chan stays there half the time I can’t not leave a place for him to sleep. Jun’s were all of his things in his room, and about half of the kitchen, but things like the couch, the TV were going to be left.

Sho had tried to persuade Jun that he needed more than that, but Jun had protested. “It is a small place at the beach. I don’t need much. I can buy what I need there.” Jun had paused when Sho had laid a hand on his shoulder. “I just want it done, Sho. The sooner the better.” Sho had nodded. What else could be done?

And then moving day came.

Jun closed the door to the apartment that he obtained for the last four years. His house key was in his old bedroom, with the lease paperwork and a note for his roommate. He did not think that he would be venturing into Jun’s bedroom any time soon to look at it, though. He knew his roommate, knew how distracted he was any time Jun’s stepbrother was around. Satoshi’s art show was tonight. Then he would be in town for another week, as he usually did. So Jun would be gone for a week before Nino noticed that anything was wrong at all.

Shouldering his computer bag more firmly over his shoulder, Jun walked towards the elevators of the apartment building with slow steps. He did not want to leave, it was the last thing he wanted. He had to face the facts though. Things were not what he had thought they were; were not what he had wanted, had hoped for. And he could not deny his responsibilities any longer.

He was a fool really, to love someone who was so obviously in love with someone else. He didn’t blame him, really. It was easy to love Jun’s stepbrother. It happened often to people that knew them. His stepbrother was just easier to love. Soft, squishy and dreamy - people just tended to gravitate towards him. But after three weeks of not seeing his roommate except in passing and being ignored when it was mentioned that they needed to talk, no really, we need to talk. Jun had to face the fact.

He had been upfront with Nino and Nino had been upfront in saying that helping Satoshi was more important to him than talking to Jun. Aiba and Sho had tried to tell him that if he told Nino that it was about moving the other would listen. But, Jun had argued, if he did not want to talk to me now, how would that help. And he had told them both about the Okinawa comment. Aiba had nodded, assuring them that yes, Nino had always hated to go outside, doing outdoors stuff, any outside related things really. But, Aiba had ventured, hesitantly, for MatsuJun he might make an exception. And Jun had laughed.

“I cant get him to talk to me, Aiba, why the hell would he make an exception?” Jun had paused, slamming back another beer. “I don’t want it to be an exception.” Jun had added and Aiba had nodded, laying his head on the others shoulder. It was Jun’s last night and it would be a good one.

Jun did feel a little bad that he had not told Satoshi. But at the same time, he had his art show to worry about and that was more important. Jun did not want to distract him. He was also afraid that Satoshi would lecture him, on running away from his problems. But this was not running away, this was accepting the fact that what he wanted was not going to happen, that work had to take priority over his personal feelings. Besides, if Nino wanted Satoshi and Satoshi wanted Nino, and they were happy together, who was he to get in their way.

And so, as the movers brought his things to the truck and Jun pulled the door to the apartment close, he was left to think.

He had thought that he was in love and loved in return.
In reality his love was unrequited.

Avoiding his responsibilities to his company in favor of trying to pursue something that was not going to materialize was not good for him, his partner in ownership or the new branch that he was leaving for. It was unfair to Sho and to everyone who worked for them.

The movers had been waiting for him long enough downstairs, he was sure. There was paperwork to sign before they loaded his few things on the truck, though most of his things were being left here, for Nino.

“A fresh start is what you need, Jun.” He spoke softly to himself as the elevator chimed. He stepped in, looking at the door to his old apartment, to his old life. “I hope you are happy, Kazu. I truly do.” Jun spoke, calling Nino a name that he only dared call him in his head.

Kazu.

And the doors closed.

Author's note:

the next chapter will be a bit of ohno and jun interaction, and then we are off to nino's POV on the entire thing.

I hope you enjoy this!