I guess this is growing up
Yeah right, not a chance. Do you want to know what happiness really means? It means accepting that whatever the hell it is that turns your crank is no less normal than anyone else's, and just running with it, tipping your hat to anyone who rolls their eyes at you along the way. That's the extent of my growing up.
I used to dread the day when I'd become a worker bee. You see them every day, most adults are like that. They have no passions or interests, nothing they pursue with any kind of vigor. They have activities, shit that takes up time between their sleep and until they die. You can tell these when the description starts with "I have to". It's a big reason I don't want kids. Everyone I know who has them, referring to anything involving them always starts with "I have to", never "want to".
But then something occurred to me. I look around and look back to my contemporaries during any time period and I realize that it's not that these people turn into boring drones... THEY ALWAYS WERE! I used to fear becoming old and infirm, thinking am I really going to lose all of my strength, skills and intelligence? All these old people I see can barely move and are bordering on mental retardation. But then if you consider the activity level and intelligence of the average person, it becomes pretty clear that the degradation is actually not especially significant.
Not long ago, a friend told me I've changed and this pissed me off a bit since I don't want to change. But thinking about it more, I definitely have. I mean, I'm sure he has his own perception as will everyone, and I'm not concerned about those per se. As for myself, the main thing I realize has changed is that I no longer care how I'm supposed to be in order to be accepted/considered normal - what/who I'm supposed to like, how I'm supposed to act, what I should think. I used to try to conform but it always made me miserable. Over time, I became more and more at peace and certain of what I like and after endless proof to myself that the only time I feel truly at peace and satisfied with my life is when I don't go against my own grain. So it may be true that others may see that I've changed but the only thing I've changed into is... well, me.
Given how fucked up/insane I am relative to the norm, I concede that it's possible that there are people who really want to be without passions and challenges. That they actually feel happiest wasted in a club somewhere, grinding up a stranger's ass. Or that they feel happiest taking life extremely seriously, and that it's most important for them to be a proper adult, like on the 50s sitcoms.
My subjective opinion is that no one really wants this, it's a forced facade so it always crumbles. And often cyclically so because most people are incapable of introspection and even when shit goes wrong, they still end up going back to their old ways.
Am I claiming I have everything figured out? Hell no. All I know is I've figured out life as it applies to me. I do recommend not holding back, whether when laughing or crying. Just don't be devoid of any emotion or passion, good or bad. No one needs you otherwise. Worst of all, you don't need you.
Getting older? Sure. Growing up? Fuck that.
I used to dread the day when I'd become a worker bee. You see them every day, most adults are like that. They have no passions or interests, nothing they pursue with any kind of vigor. They have activities, shit that takes up time between their sleep and until they die. You can tell these when the description starts with "I have to". It's a big reason I don't want kids. Everyone I know who has them, referring to anything involving them always starts with "I have to", never "want to".
But then something occurred to me. I look around and look back to my contemporaries during any time period and I realize that it's not that these people turn into boring drones... THEY ALWAYS WERE! I used to fear becoming old and infirm, thinking am I really going to lose all of my strength, skills and intelligence? All these old people I see can barely move and are bordering on mental retardation. But then if you consider the activity level and intelligence of the average person, it becomes pretty clear that the degradation is actually not especially significant.
Not long ago, a friend told me I've changed and this pissed me off a bit since I don't want to change. But thinking about it more, I definitely have. I mean, I'm sure he has his own perception as will everyone, and I'm not concerned about those per se. As for myself, the main thing I realize has changed is that I no longer care how I'm supposed to be in order to be accepted/considered normal - what/who I'm supposed to like, how I'm supposed to act, what I should think. I used to try to conform but it always made me miserable. Over time, I became more and more at peace and certain of what I like and after endless proof to myself that the only time I feel truly at peace and satisfied with my life is when I don't go against my own grain. So it may be true that others may see that I've changed but the only thing I've changed into is... well, me.
Given how fucked up/insane I am relative to the norm, I concede that it's possible that there are people who really want to be without passions and challenges. That they actually feel happiest wasted in a club somewhere, grinding up a stranger's ass. Or that they feel happiest taking life extremely seriously, and that it's most important for them to be a proper adult, like on the 50s sitcoms.
My subjective opinion is that no one really wants this, it's a forced facade so it always crumbles. And often cyclically so because most people are incapable of introspection and even when shit goes wrong, they still end up going back to their old ways.
Am I claiming I have everything figured out? Hell no. All I know is I've figured out life as it applies to me. I do recommend not holding back, whether when laughing or crying. Just don't be devoid of any emotion or passion, good or bad. No one needs you otherwise. Worst of all, you don't need you.
Getting older? Sure. Growing up? Fuck that.