Notice on the bulletin board

[a_cruel_irony]

HELP WANTED:

Leader of greatest empire on earth looking for an assistant. Must be able to lift heavy loads, clean secret labs without destroying glassware, avoid questioning orders, and enjoy roller coasters. Cooking and baking a plus. No experience necessary. Will train the right candidate. Preferably large, young, male, cute, and dumb as a

Comments

[grumpy_sunshine]

Do you offer competitive vision and dental plans for your henchpersons?

Also, how do you feel about eleventh-hour betrayal?

[a_cruel_irony]

But of course.

And that is what the other lever is for...

[grumpy_sunshine]

I applaud your ability to think ahead.

What kind of advancement opportunities?

[a_cruel_irony]

...I'm sorry. You're simply overqualified for the job. Thank you for your interest.

[alcoholit]

If you find someone, can I have them after? As I've been looking for someone like that for months.

Also, just so you know, everyone thinks their empire is the greatest on earth.

[a_cruel_irony]

No. Find your own.

And I do not care what everyone thinks.

[alcoholit]

Meaaaaaaan.

Which probably makes you a wonderful, if brutal, empress.

[a_cruel_irony]

I should have you thrown out of the window for that. Who is this?

[brutalcrumbcake]

Do yous require an interview?

[a_cruel_irony]

That would probably be best. You can meet me tomorrow at sundown at my the castle.

[brutalcrumbcake]

The bigs pink one? You lives there?!

You must be like Cinderellas or somethings.

[a_cruel_irony]

Yes. Just like Cinderella.

[a_cruel_irony]

What are you talking about?

[a_cruel_irony]

So? My name is Yzma and I'm an Incan.

[hear_the_drums]

I regret to inform you that most of the henchman-worthy candidates are currently in my employ, as my empire is bigger. Should they become less than useful, due to my unfortunate tendency to break things, I will gladly hand them over to you.

Warmest Regards,
The Master

[a_cruel_irony]

As someone has already been kind enough to point out, everyone thinks their empire is bigger. But I do not need your cast-offs, thank you.

[hear_the_drums]

Everyone does think so. I have the fulfilling comfort of knowing. You have the greatest empire on the Earth. I have one encompassing all of it and the moon. Don't worry, it's in your future. Not your fault.

Still, I sympathise. Should you need to vent, feel free to come by for tea.

Are you sure you wouldn't consider the cast-offs? They'll feel so lonely without someone performing tests on them.

[a_cruel_irony]

So kind of you. I will certainly consider it.