Comments | dizzojay: A Four Legged Friend ... Chapters 1

dizzojay

A Four Legged Friend ... Chapters 1 - 4 of 11

Apr 05, 2011 22:29

With all the excitement of the upcoming western episode in the air I was inspired to write about Winchesters on horseback ...

So step this way for Sam being clever, Dean being obnoxious, adorable horses, a chupacabra, bucketloads of angst, Bobby being awesome, oh ... and a coconut.

A FOUR LEGGED FRIEND
Rating: T
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Humour
Word ( Read more... )

scared!dean, anaesthetic, brothers, pneumothorax, humour, hospital, broken collarbone, shoulder, chupacabra, supernatural, humiliating, groggy!dean, hurt comfort, dean winchester, horseback riding, fracture, bobby singer, sam winchester, chest drain

Comments 4

rince1wind April 6 2011, 02:32:32 UTC

I'm liking this a lot. Great on voices. You obviously know horses and riding! I'd never heard/seen the word "surcingle" before -- it sounds very medieval or Renaissance. Nice use of language and of eye-dialect for Sam and Dean. I like how Sam complains a lot and then comes to like Hannibal. Poor H! The story is building up well, too. I'm looking forward to reading more!

(I'm a proofreader at my job; I can't help seeing typos and grammatical errors. I apologize! When you mean "its horns are large" the "its" has no apostrophe; "it's" means "it is."

This is a non-standard construction:

Sam smiled weakly; "it must have just, uh, slipped my mind."

Standard English would be to put a period where you have a semi-colon and begin the quotation with a capital letter:

Sam smiled weakly. "It must have just, uh, slipped my mind."

The reader knows who said it when he and his words are in such close proximity.

If you're aware, and have chosen to use the construction, please forgive me. )

dizzojay April 6 2011, 18:57:20 UTC

Hey there!
Glad you're enjoying so far, and thank you for the kind words about Sam and Dean's language and dialect ... as a Brit, it mean a lot to hear I'm getting US colloquialisms right.

I think the origins of the word 'surcingle' are french, but I know it's a strap that goes around a horse's body and is often used for training or to stabilise tack or loads (like the boys' saddlebags).

No need to apologise for the punctuation pick up, I was really interested by what you wrote. I generally have a good grasp of apostrophe use, but for some reason it's/its is my bogey word and I often get that one wrong. I have to admit, I am a bit of a semi-colon fiend, and it wouldn't have occurred to me to use a 'period' (or a full-stop; I am a Brit after all !!) at that point, but I will remember that for future reference :D

xx

rince1wind April 6 2011, 23:02:20 UTC

Hey, I thought I detected Brit-ness. My husband's from near Liverpool and I lived in London a while. I think you say "in hospital" somewhere in one of your stories -- that one's a dead giveaway! :)
(And now, of course, I see apologiSe, as well!)

dizzojay April 7 2011, 06:22:21 UTC

You lived in London? I was born in London. Did you pick up any rhyming slang while you were there? :)

I have a reader on Fanfic who acts as an unofficial 'language coach' for me ... it started off as good natured teasing! She told me about 'in hospital'/'in the hospital', so I'm assuming (hoping) that was an old story you saw that in.

It's funny how our common language seperates us, isn't it!
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