Don't know how constructive my criticism will be, but this is good work.
First of all, your vision, plot-wise, is brilliant. How the family business runs in the generations, and how it happens, and how humanity has a victory in the end. Your very first paragraphs, when describing how the war escalated, stood out. You got the whole fear, claustrophobia, end of the world down pat right. It is plausible and believable in Stephen King kind of way. The poem interspersed is great (has been one of my fav poems since forever), though even without it, your own writing stands on its own perfectly well.
Very well done.
( And so he came - a white night on a shining steed to save her.... He only saw when she was bling that she was a thing of darkness did you mean knight and blind?)
Oh my gosh, I didn't notice that at ALL. Grr. Sometimes spell check does that to me, and I'm usually pretty good about giving it a seccond read through and fixing it up... obviously I'm not so good at it late at night. Thanks a ton for the review!
Oh no, crying! THATS not good. Thanks, I had a hard time putting the image of war in my head into words, and I'm glad that it was understandable and not just a jumbled mess of angst. Thank you very much for reading!
That was so great! I seriously hope that it doesn't really happen that way, but I loved readig it. ;)
Question,though. Who was Sam and Mary's mom? I thought it was Jo... but then it was Aunt Jo, so I'm confused. It's probably obvious, and I'm being retarded, but... help? Hee.
It's the wonderful and mysterious female that I'm positive will appear sometime in the series ^_^"". Cuz you know, Dean's just too pretty NOT to get laid during a war.
Yay! Thank you, flow was a big issue with me, because I was trying to incorperate bits of the poem, and yet it had to be it's own independant story. Thanks for the review!
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First of all, your vision, plot-wise, is brilliant. How the family business runs in the generations, and how it happens, and how humanity has a victory in the end.
Your very first paragraphs, when describing how the war escalated, stood out. You got the whole fear, claustrophobia, end of the world down pat right. It is plausible and believable in Stephen King kind of way.
The poem interspersed is great (has been one of my fav poems since forever), though even without it, your own writing stands on its own perfectly well.
Very well done.
( And so he came - a white night on a shining steed to save her.... He only saw when she was bling that she was a thing of darkness did you mean knight and blind?)
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Question,though. Who was Sam and Mary's mom? I thought it was Jo... but then it was Aunt Jo, so I'm confused. It's probably obvious, and I'm being retarded, but... help? Hee.
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And you are so right. Hee.
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