[Log] In The Middle Of The Night... [BACKDATED][Part 2 of 2]
Characters: Kankurou and Anko
Date: Saturday, 2/16
Location: Anko's Cena Apartment, Various other Cena locales
Rating: R
Warnings/Notes: Language, Violence, Blood, Angst (Oh the angst...)
Summary: Someone has a secret~
Not only did she admit that she knew what she had, but to further prove it with more details threw Kankurou into being silent, his body and fists shaking with something that could be only described as a mixture of anger and desperation mixed in one. And the way she had told him, how it didn't matter at all...
"Damn it, Anko!" Something snapped within his head as he cursed out loud, smashing a bloodied hand into the hard texture of the brick wall, the raw pain spreading through his arm like a wildfire, only fueling his frustration even more. How could she take this calmly? Did she even know how big of a deal this whole thing was? How many people were dying throughout the Red and with no hope to hang onto?
"You don't want me t'worry?" He spat out, face ghostly pale in the red light, dragging his bruised hand down the wall in an attempt to create some more pain, some more adrenaline to deal with this shit, because at the moment, nothing was coming out but pure wild bewilderment and frustration. Sooner or later, he'd be running on empty and then there would be nothing to say about it.
"Y'wanna know th' death rate on this one? Do you? Or maybe you already know tha' one too, righ'?"
"I'm not fuckin' stupid Kankurou...you think I don't already know? I wasn't just bitching at you to not fuck around with that one job you were toying with for shits and giggles dammit. The few times I've managed to fall asleep long enough I've had nothing but nightmares of what's to come, of you catching it from me, of all the little fuckin' things that can happen because it was one thing to figure that I wouldn't live to see thirty, it's a whole 'nother fuckin' thing to know that I'm down to months, and that's if I'm fuckin' lucky."
Closing the distance between them, Anko looked up to see the anger and frustration burning in those green eyes as she once again reached out to catch his wrist and pulled it away from the brick wall before he could tear his hand up further. Bemusedly she couldn't help the small internal giggle at their now matching busted knuckles but outwardly she could only sigh and try to deal with the situation as best she could.
"You know, this was one of those reasons I didn't say anything right off the bat. Can't have both of us going batshit crazy and all that, not when it does no good though it certainly feels a hella lot better for a few moments at least." Taking the strip of cloth she had ripped off to take care of his nose, instead she found a new use for it to wrap around Kankurou's mangled hand, tying it off securely before squeezing his fingers lightly. "I didn't not tell you to be malicious 'Kurou. What good was it to upset you like you are now when it serves no purpose?"
The sudden softness and maturity given off by Anko did everything but make things more clear, making Kankurou halt hesitantly in his frustration induced rant, hands trembling as the last of the pain ebbed away his frustration and left him with nothing but the hot air in his head. Still angry in a toned down way, Kankurou looked away from her, because if anything, he probably didn't have a third of Anko's maturity in these things. His mind was still processing what exactly she had told him and then furiously recalling when was the last time she slept, if she had any anxiety attacks as of late, did she eat anything recently; all of it was hurting his fatigued mind but he need to know. He wasn't even sure of how this spread to others, but it seemed that the mixture of bodily fluids or just a simple task of mouth-to-mouth could seal someone's fate in this.
And she knew that didn't she?
Of course she did.
The squeeze made him look back at her, if only just by tilting his head towards her by a few fractions or so. Once again, she didn't let him chose, always doing things her way and closing him out in what she thought was best for the both of them.
Well, fuck that.Ignoring the chafing of raw skin against the makeshift bandage, Kankurou's hands firmly held onto one of Anko's as he started to walk out of the alleyway at a fast and brisk pace, not caring if he was dragging her along, her body having just caught up and acting like dead weight.
Even though she was trying to do her best to calm the obvious irritation and anger practically rolling off of Kankurou, the silence that followed unnerved Anko more then any explosion and screaming ever could. Not to mention all of a sudden she was wordlessly being yanked through the alleyway, leaving her to try and keep up or trip, fall and risk being dragged behind him in a very cavemannish fashion. Even still, it didn't stop her from trying to get some sort of reaction from him, finally digging in her heels and hoping that she didn't end up flat on her face.
"What the hell? I'm not some damned rag doll Kankurou...either talk to me or let me go for cryin' out loud!"
Feeling the suddenly strong resistance to all of his pulling, Kankurou finally let go of her hand, but stood stock still and had no blatant emotion about his face as he looked back at her. Save for the twitch of his fingers, which needed a nicotine fix badly at the moment. And even if he went through an entire pack, it would probably still be not enough.
"Talk t'you? Anko, you don't even talk t'me 'bout your own shit, why th'fuck should I talk t'you?" The fact that nothing gave away the boiling temper underneath his own facade made things seem worse. But even so, Kankurou wasn't one to know how to handle this the right, mature way. He looked away again, finding it easier to speak to her without letting his feelings get into a mess by not looking at her. It was always her eyes that did him in.
"I en't a doctor, I'm jus' a kid who's messin' wit' shit. So we need t'fin' one. An' from wha' I 'member, you've got a friend who's one. So we're goin' there."
"Kankurou...", Anko whispered, the annoyance on her face softening and her fingers itched to pull him close but she knew in his current irritation that wouldn't go over as well as she would like. Swallowing back that urge she put on a braver facade then she was surely feeling, staring him down and kept her voice steady.
"I do, and she's already doing what everything she can in her capacity and I'm not bothering her any further, sweetheart. I'm not running all over hell and creation for some mystery cure that doesn't exist and I'm not going to let you either. Not to hold it over your head, but I wasn't going to come back when she told me I was sick...I didn't want to put you at anymore risk then I already had and I didn't want you to do exactly what you're doing now but I was selfish and still am. I am dying 'kurou, it hurts like hell to say it, to know it's true but it hurts far more knowing how it's hurting you. If there were any other way then for you to catch this yourself I'd tell you to have at it because I know if anyone could find a cure you could. A kid messing with shit is the furthest thing from the truth and you know it but it's not worth you getting sick too
A bitter smile tilted her lips as a thought filtered through her mind.
"Guess it's a good thing I didn't get you that ring you were hiding from for Valentine's. Be a damned shame if I had made you a widower rather then a bridegroom hmm?"
Kankurou was all too ready to snap back at her little confession, feeling himself being pulled down into an endless pit of hopelessness, something he would not like to feel over and over again at the moment. Especially when he was so goddamn close in finding the clue to fixing this entire mess, but failed to complete it because of the hypocritical ways of his girlfriend. And even now she was cracking jokes on marriage and the like, making Kankurou just gape at her in a very unpleasant way. Some may decipher it as a dirty look, but to Kankurou it was just surprise with a dash of "what the fuckery".
"You're not fuckin' dyin', Anko. Not if I c'n help it," he finally found himself saying, in a softer tone than the ones that he had been using all night, but still coming out sharp like a knife. It was cheesy at the moment, especially when he was finally forced to face the fact that even if he was immune to most of the things in the world, Anko wasn't. And he wasn't quite immune to the fact that he could possibly lose her altogether.
He took the moment to press a calloused thumb over her lips before he forcefully pressed against them with his own lips, not caring if he was rough or hurting her in any way. Things were quite different now at this point and all he wanted was to taste something that would at least give him some strength to move on and deal with it. Because the words coming out of her damned mouth weren't helping very much.
"An' if you were really serious 'bout tha' marriage shit, I suggest you save tha' until th' both of us has some kinda good sense back in our mind's again."
Without another word, he pulled away and started to walk again, her hand even more firmly held against his.
The walk back to their apartment was a silent one, Anko being too worried about what was running through Kankurou's head rather then making small talk that would only manage to piss him off further.
Only bad thing was that with nothing else to occupy her mind, Anko silently cursed and berated herself for being so damned careless, looking back for any signs that she would have missed in giving herself away, something that truly bothered her almost as much as the supreme effect of being a nuisance to Kankurou. Secrets and lies had never sat well with her, at least not with those she cared for anyway, but when had she lost her touch in being unable to keep them? So lost was she in her own thoughts, Anko didn't even realize they were home until she was automatically pulling the door shut behind her, the uncomfortable silence now resonating throughout the apartment.
In an attempt to regain some sort of hold on the situation, Anko tugged lightly on Kankurou's hand, leading him into the kitchen in hopes of maybe being able to clean him up a bit. Kneeling down to pull out one of the first aid kits she had stashed from underneath the sink, she slid her hand out of Kankurou's grip so she could hop up on the counter, bringing herself up to eye-level where she could see what she was doing easier.
"I hope whoever got you is walking away worse then this hun, else I'll feel like a total failure," she quipped, dampening some paper towels to gently wipe away the worst of the dried blood caked onto Kankurou's face and neck. He could yell and curse at her all he wanted, but in the end, what did all the worrying and side-stepping really get you? Not a damned thing. Kankurou knew what was going on now and Anko wanted things to fall back into their normal place where they were comfortable again. She didn't want things to slide back and get complicated again, not after all she and Kankurou had done and worked through to finally get settled into a nice, comfortable groove.
If he wanted to play the 'ignore it and maybe it will go away' game, fine by her.
She'd simply been playing the game longer then he had was all.
Kankurou held himself steady for her to clean his face up, his eyes looking at nothing in particular and avoiding meeting her eyes at all costs. Once the both of them entered the confines of the apartment, Kankurou was all for falling face down into the couch and just praying that this was all just a bad dream. But he followed her to the kitchen, knowing full well that he couldn't just sleep on this and just hoped that it would just be something different when he woke up. Things just didn't happen like that.
Upon hearing her words, Kankurou tilted his head to the side with a snort (which made him wince). "At this time at nigh', I don't think I did much worse than jus' a cut t'his arm. S'all. Maybe if it was in broad dayligh', I could've done worse. Sorry t'disappoint."
But if he had another chance at the stocky bouncer now, Kankurou would probably go all the way and just kill the bastard, knowing what he knew now.
A slight shaking of her head was Anko's immediate response, her lower lip caught between her teeth as her fingers gently felt along the ridge of Kankurou's nose for any breaks now that the majority of the blood had been cleared away. Aside from the bruise that was already beginning to bloom and the slight puffiness, there were no broken bones to speak of, leaving Anko to move on to cleaning up and re-wrapping his busted knuckles.
"Not disappointing at all hun...just wish you would have let me have a go at the fucker. But at least you can just keep with your abusive relationship theory, tell everyone how horrible and evil I am and just blame me for it and no one would be the wiser and then you'd get all the pity," she teased lightly, raising a hand to curl around his jaw and stroked her thumb across his cheekbone in a gesture of comfort and in an attempt to get Kankurou to just look at her.
His eyes moved slowly to refocus on her again, but still without the humor she was trying to put into the whole ordeal. He knew she was trying to get things back to normal, to the way they were just a few hours ago, but even if she had accepted this whole thing, he only had the past two hours to get familiar with the information. Something that he was even still stubbornly trying to reject at this very moment.
Because, god damn it, how could it happen without him knowing?
The thought again made him look sideways before her hand reminded him that it was his turn to speak. Respond. Say something.
"We're still goin' t'Celo," he bluntly told her, the only solution he could still think of right now.
The plain statement of fact left Anko frowning at Kankurou’s stubbornness, not something she was unused to by any stretch but still was annoying when he decided to dig in about something that she didn’t want to do.
“Come on hun, there’s no point to it and I don’t feel like hiding away down there right now.” Besides there was the small fact that the past few times she had ended up in front of Rin there had been some sort of a blistering lecture included for whatever random stupidity had landed Anko in her current predicament and that kind of made the idea of paying the Doc a visit just a little less enjoyable.
“I want to stay here.”
A couple of months ago, Kankurou would've probably relented, giving into Anko's own suggestion. A couple of months ago, they wouldn't have been in this situation in the first place and their ties wouldn't have knotted together this close at this point.
A couple of months ago, no one was fucking dying.
His hands reached up and took a firm grip, not to the point of painful, on the side of her arms, the look on his face complimentary to the desperate grip on her shoulders. Why didn't she get it?
"We're goin' t'Celo, Anko," he repeated again, stressing each syllable with a tone of firmness and finality that he wanted to get across to her. It was fine if she wanted to ignore all of this, take her time to waste away. It was her own personal opinion and wants, her own decision to submit to the facts. "Ev'n if I 'ave t'carry your ass, we're goin' t'Celo. Understan'? You didn't tell me 'bout this, you didn't want me t'worry, well tough shit. Now I know an' you're gonna 'ave t'deal wit' it. I'm not makin' this any harder than it's suppose t'be an' not doin' this in anyway t'get revenge."
"You wanna die, fine by me, but don't fuckin' forget tha' there's 'ctually some people tha' give a shit 'bout if you live or not. So at least try an' act like you give a shit 'bout th' life you're livin' in now!"
The sudden explosion momentarily halted her pouting, Anko could only sit there silently, tired violet eyes widened as they took the now open desperation and distress written so clearly on Kankurou's features, through his grip on her arms, through the harsh breathing wisping past his lips in his irritation.
This was why she had kept her secret to herself. Seeing Kankurou like this stripped Anko bare and her own carefully constructed facade began to crumble in light of his words and the emotion flickering across his face.
"I don't want to die dammit, but I can't take getting my hopes up time and time again only for them to come crashing down each time," she whispered, hating that Kankurou could make her admit that. She knew there were all sorts of 'cures' and 'antidotes' being sold on almost every street corner in Cena, that people were rushing and grasping at any hope they could afford to try but she hadn't bothered, knowing that if anything real came along Rin would let her know or Kankurou would hear about it and only then would she allow herself to hope.
"You're the only reason that I'm still here now, don't you get that? If it were just me I'd be out there trying to die on my own terms, going down in a flame of glory or some shit like that. Hell it's still crossed my mind even knowing that I'm too selfish to do it because I want to spend every waking moment with you. I'm not that strong Kankurou, I'm scared to fucking death here and I hate that theres nothing I can do except sit by idly twiddling my thumbs to see what tomorrow will bring...but in the end, you're whats keeping me here." Each little word brought her closer to that breaking point that had been hovering since Rin told her that she had been infected, even now needing Kankurou's comforting presence to keep her sane, fine tremors beginning to wrack her frame just in the attempt to keep herself together knowing that Kankurou was just as affected as she was and that he was leaning on her too to keep his world from falling apart.
Kankurou immediately regretted his words when he could feel her shaking underneath his fingertips, causing his face to contort into one of alarm. He didn't know if she was going to cry or was the shaking just because of her condition. Either way, it wasn't good and Kankurou once again cursed himself for his instinctive temper, having no control over it himself. His hands moved to her own, holding each of her digits firmly, before letting out a sigh that seemed to carry all the tension that had built up tonight.
"I ge' it, I fuckin' ge' it," he repeated in a much quieter tone, one close to soothing if nt for his usual choice of language. He didn't want to see her like this, even if this was what he was pining for all night. But in the end, it only made things more worse. Fingers travelled upwards to cup her face momentarily before threading them into her hair, a familiar sentiment gesture, before he leaned forward and rested his forehead against hers.
"It's th' same fer me, Anko. Every time I do some crazy deal wit' th' psychos out there or when I'm goin' through th' streets, I'm thinkin' an' checkin' leas' twice 'cause of you. Alrigh'? S'why you jus' keepin' this from me s'tearin' me up. 'Cause I care so damn much 'bout you. So don't act like you 'ave t'go through this by yourself, 'cause I'm 'ere an' I en't goin' anywhere." Dry lips brushed against her forehead as he raised his head, forcing a upward tilt on the corner of his mouth.
"Fuck, Anko. Compared t'everythin' else, this should be a piece of cake."
A soft bark of bitter laughter escaped her before she could stop herself, her eyes falling shut at the soft touches and by the words reaching her ears. Her own hands automatically rose to cover his, her fingers twining with his in the tangle of her hair.
"When have things ever come easy? If it's not one damned thing it's another every time we turn around. But no matter what happens from here, I can't say that I would change anything." Nuzzling her nose against his cheek for a moment, she let her hands glide down his arms to wrap around Kankurou's waist as she moved to bury her face in the crook of his neck. She couldn't help but sag against him in some crazed sense of relief, even though she was to blame for keeping him out of the loop, Kankurou knowing and telling her that he intending to stick around for whatever may come brought about a certain level of peace.
"'m sorry I didn't say anything b'fore. Jus' didn't want for you to worry and if I didn't say anything I could pretend it wasn't true...but I just didn' want to hurt you." Her words were muffled by the skin of Kankurou's neck but they were still offered out to him in the knowledge that by not telling him she ended up hurting him even more. It was at this moment that she cursed her illness, the emotional highs and lows of the night exhausted her beyond all reason and would have worn her out completely even on a good day, but here going on a couple weeks without but a few quick glimpses of a true REM cycle was nearly enough to make a person go insane.
"I'll go to Celo. We'll go and see the Doc but I won't let you hound her when she's doing all that she can and I'll let you do what you want without argument on your side of things but I want your promise that you won't knowingly get yourself infected, Kankurou. Back when we could barely look at one another without arguing I was ready to take a bullet for my own stupidity over something happening to you, now...if you were to get sick because of trying to help me...I honestly don't know what I'd do. Please...promise me that hun."
As always, Anko seemed to be one step ahead of him, thinking out things to the details. Her promise not only limited the the procedure he always followed through with to find antidotes for these things, but it limited him in what he could tell her from now on. He didn't want to break her trust, he didn't, but if it saved her life or if it gave them just an extra few seconds -- he'd do it.
"Yeah," he finally promised, in a hesitant way, and almost afraid that Anko would see through his own thoughts behind that simple promise. The thought that she needed him that much was enough to make him actually confess his own deadly sins right then and there. Not that any of them went past trying out at least five new concoctions this week, but even so at this point she made him feel like some kind of angel. Or that he should be one.
Determined to just sleep on it and stop her from questioning further, he bent down to press his lips against her neck, hopefully sealing all of tonight's trouble with it. "C'n we go back t'bed now? Or leas' jus' lie there or somethin'," he quickly corrected himself, remembering that one of them wasn't going to go to sleep that quickly. "I'll try t'stay up wit' you as far as I c'n," he promised again, his arms coiling around her body in a subtle way, ready to pick her up at an instant's notice if she protested.
So worn out that she was Anko didn't even pick up on the hesitation, she just took his acquiescence and was content with that. She however did notice his arms moving around her and she simply relaxed against Kankurou even further, tightening her own grip around his waist.
"Bed sounds good and I'm not going anywhere. You've worked all day and then you were out chasing me...you need to sleep just as much if not more then I do sweetheart, no need for you to have to sit up all night too." And especially now that it wasn't an option for her, Anko would be damned if she let Kankurou sit up all night and take such a small thing as the ablilty to sleep for granted when there was no need to. Hell, as fucking exhausted as she was right then, just the prospect of having to slide down off the counter and make the short trip back to their bedroom was almost enough to make her want to just curl up where she was for the remainder of the night.
"Babysittin' you was never a problem," he teased gently, his lips nudging the side of her face with a tenderness that he developed through her, of all the people in the world.
Taking the further incline of her body against him as a sign of resignation for now, Kankurou gingerly wrapped his arms around her legs and upper torso respectively, lifting her light form off the counter top with ease. The mere name of the particular way he was handling her made him think about her comment, and whether she was joking or not. But with one look at her tired face, Kankurou decided to save it for another day, not wanting to ruin this rare opportunity for her to go to sleep.
After laying her down on the bed and drawing the covers over the both of them, Kankurou found himself the victim of a sleepless night now, his eyes watching every subtle movement of her face.
Automatically Anko's arms twisted up to wrap around Kankurou's neck to help facilitate the short trip, her forehead cushioned against his shoulder.
"I'll remember that for the first complaint I hear, just fair warning sweetheart," she teased back softly. Her eyelids fell shut heavily with her exhaustion weighing them down the moment her head touched her pillow. Comforted by the soft sounds of Kankurou moving about the room, she instinctively reached out for him when she felt the bed dip down from the added weight, easily sliding back into his embrace even as the covers were tugged over the both of them.
An indefinite period of time passed and still sleep eluded Anko by a mere hairsbreadth, finally leading her to slowly open tired violet eyes with a soft exasperated huff to meet a pair of worried green eyes just a short distance away. Her forehead wrinkled in a frown at the realization that Kankurou had yet to fall asleep himself even as her hand lifted to cup his cheek with a soft sigh of annoyance.
Silence reigned in the room as Anko lifted her head enough to close the small remaining distance, pressing her lips softly against Kankurou's, her fingers brushing against his cheekbone. Pulling back slightly she then drew a single finger down over the fragile skin of each of his eyelids in a silent order to go to sleep. Letting her fingers rest stationary for a moment to show that she wasn't kidding around, eventually Kankurou's breathing evened out and his face slackened into that relaxed mask of sleep Anko had become so intimately knowledgeable here of late. Gently, so as not to wake the now sleeping Kankurou, Anko ran the tip of her finger over his lips as her mind tried to race off in fifty million directions at once. An obnoxious red glow caught her eye and distracted her from her inner musings as she turned a glare to the demonic alarm clock, slowly ticking away the minutes of the night. Moving carefully so she wouldn't disturb her sleeping lover, she reached over and turned it around to illuminate the cracked plaster wall with it's ignorant reminders before settling herself back down in Kankurou's embrace, quite pleased with herself.
Shifting so that her head could rest against Kankurou's chest, Anko let herself be lulled by the steady 'thump' of his heartbeat, shoving all thoughts out of her mind and focusing it on that one sound she was eventually able to find some sort of a restful state. Not quite sleep but better then nothing and at this point she would take what she could get just so she could face the next day with some sense of rest under her belt.
Besides, who knew what tomorrow would bring and Anko would make sure she'd be ready for it...whatever 'it' entailed.
Date: Saturday, 2/16
Location: Anko's Cena Apartment, Various other Cena locales
Rating: R
Warnings/Notes: Language, Violence, Blood, Angst (Oh the angst...)
Summary: Someone has a secret~
Not only did she admit that she knew what she had, but to further prove it with more details threw Kankurou into being silent, his body and fists shaking with something that could be only described as a mixture of anger and desperation mixed in one. And the way she had told him, how it didn't matter at all...
"Damn it, Anko!" Something snapped within his head as he cursed out loud, smashing a bloodied hand into the hard texture of the brick wall, the raw pain spreading through his arm like a wildfire, only fueling his frustration even more. How could she take this calmly? Did she even know how big of a deal this whole thing was? How many people were dying throughout the Red and with no hope to hang onto?
"You don't want me t'worry?" He spat out, face ghostly pale in the red light, dragging his bruised hand down the wall in an attempt to create some more pain, some more adrenaline to deal with this shit, because at the moment, nothing was coming out but pure wild bewilderment and frustration. Sooner or later, he'd be running on empty and then there would be nothing to say about it.
"Y'wanna know th' death rate on this one? Do you? Or maybe you already know tha' one too, righ'?"
"I'm not fuckin' stupid Kankurou...you think I don't already know? I wasn't just bitching at you to not fuck around with that one job you were toying with for shits and giggles dammit. The few times I've managed to fall asleep long enough I've had nothing but nightmares of what's to come, of you catching it from me, of all the little fuckin' things that can happen because it was one thing to figure that I wouldn't live to see thirty, it's a whole 'nother fuckin' thing to know that I'm down to months, and that's if I'm fuckin' lucky."
Closing the distance between them, Anko looked up to see the anger and frustration burning in those green eyes as she once again reached out to catch his wrist and pulled it away from the brick wall before he could tear his hand up further. Bemusedly she couldn't help the small internal giggle at their now matching busted knuckles but outwardly she could only sigh and try to deal with the situation as best she could.
"You know, this was one of those reasons I didn't say anything right off the bat. Can't have both of us going batshit crazy and all that, not when it does no good though it certainly feels a hella lot better for a few moments at least." Taking the strip of cloth she had ripped off to take care of his nose, instead she found a new use for it to wrap around Kankurou's mangled hand, tying it off securely before squeezing his fingers lightly. "I didn't not tell you to be malicious 'Kurou. What good was it to upset you like you are now when it serves no purpose?"
The sudden softness and maturity given off by Anko did everything but make things more clear, making Kankurou halt hesitantly in his frustration induced rant, hands trembling as the last of the pain ebbed away his frustration and left him with nothing but the hot air in his head. Still angry in a toned down way, Kankurou looked away from her, because if anything, he probably didn't have a third of Anko's maturity in these things. His mind was still processing what exactly she had told him and then furiously recalling when was the last time she slept, if she had any anxiety attacks as of late, did she eat anything recently; all of it was hurting his fatigued mind but he need to know. He wasn't even sure of how this spread to others, but it seemed that the mixture of bodily fluids or just a simple task of mouth-to-mouth could seal someone's fate in this.
And she knew that didn't she?
Of course she did.
The squeeze made him look back at her, if only just by tilting his head towards her by a few fractions or so. Once again, she didn't let him chose, always doing things her way and closing him out in what she thought was best for the both of them.
Well, fuck that.Ignoring the chafing of raw skin against the makeshift bandage, Kankurou's hands firmly held onto one of Anko's as he started to walk out of the alleyway at a fast and brisk pace, not caring if he was dragging her along, her body having just caught up and acting like dead weight.
Even though she was trying to do her best to calm the obvious irritation and anger practically rolling off of Kankurou, the silence that followed unnerved Anko more then any explosion and screaming ever could. Not to mention all of a sudden she was wordlessly being yanked through the alleyway, leaving her to try and keep up or trip, fall and risk being dragged behind him in a very cavemannish fashion. Even still, it didn't stop her from trying to get some sort of reaction from him, finally digging in her heels and hoping that she didn't end up flat on her face.
"What the hell? I'm not some damned rag doll Kankurou...either talk to me or let me go for cryin' out loud!"
Feeling the suddenly strong resistance to all of his pulling, Kankurou finally let go of her hand, but stood stock still and had no blatant emotion about his face as he looked back at her. Save for the twitch of his fingers, which needed a nicotine fix badly at the moment. And even if he went through an entire pack, it would probably still be not enough.
"Talk t'you? Anko, you don't even talk t'me 'bout your own shit, why th'fuck should I talk t'you?" The fact that nothing gave away the boiling temper underneath his own facade made things seem worse. But even so, Kankurou wasn't one to know how to handle this the right, mature way. He looked away again, finding it easier to speak to her without letting his feelings get into a mess by not looking at her. It was always her eyes that did him in.
"I en't a doctor, I'm jus' a kid who's messin' wit' shit. So we need t'fin' one. An' from wha' I 'member, you've got a friend who's one. So we're goin' there."
"Kankurou...", Anko whispered, the annoyance on her face softening and her fingers itched to pull him close but she knew in his current irritation that wouldn't go over as well as she would like. Swallowing back that urge she put on a braver facade then she was surely feeling, staring him down and kept her voice steady.
"I do, and she's already doing what everything she can in her capacity and I'm not bothering her any further, sweetheart. I'm not running all over hell and creation for some mystery cure that doesn't exist and I'm not going to let you either. Not to hold it over your head, but I wasn't going to come back when she told me I was sick...I didn't want to put you at anymore risk then I already had and I didn't want you to do exactly what you're doing now but I was selfish and still am. I am dying 'kurou, it hurts like hell to say it, to know it's true but it hurts far more knowing how it's hurting you. If there were any other way then for you to catch this yourself I'd tell you to have at it because I know if anyone could find a cure you could. A kid messing with shit is the furthest thing from the truth and you know it but it's not worth you getting sick too
A bitter smile tilted her lips as a thought filtered through her mind.
"Guess it's a good thing I didn't get you that ring you were hiding from for Valentine's. Be a damned shame if I had made you a widower rather then a bridegroom hmm?"
Kankurou was all too ready to snap back at her little confession, feeling himself being pulled down into an endless pit of hopelessness, something he would not like to feel over and over again at the moment. Especially when he was so goddamn close in finding the clue to fixing this entire mess, but failed to complete it because of the hypocritical ways of his girlfriend. And even now she was cracking jokes on marriage and the like, making Kankurou just gape at her in a very unpleasant way. Some may decipher it as a dirty look, but to Kankurou it was just surprise with a dash of "what the fuckery".
"You're not fuckin' dyin', Anko. Not if I c'n help it," he finally found himself saying, in a softer tone than the ones that he had been using all night, but still coming out sharp like a knife. It was cheesy at the moment, especially when he was finally forced to face the fact that even if he was immune to most of the things in the world, Anko wasn't. And he wasn't quite immune to the fact that he could possibly lose her altogether.
He took the moment to press a calloused thumb over her lips before he forcefully pressed against them with his own lips, not caring if he was rough or hurting her in any way. Things were quite different now at this point and all he wanted was to taste something that would at least give him some strength to move on and deal with it. Because the words coming out of her damned mouth weren't helping very much.
"An' if you were really serious 'bout tha' marriage shit, I suggest you save tha' until th' both of us has some kinda good sense back in our mind's again."
Without another word, he pulled away and started to walk again, her hand even more firmly held against his.
The walk back to their apartment was a silent one, Anko being too worried about what was running through Kankurou's head rather then making small talk that would only manage to piss him off further.
Only bad thing was that with nothing else to occupy her mind, Anko silently cursed and berated herself for being so damned careless, looking back for any signs that she would have missed in giving herself away, something that truly bothered her almost as much as the supreme effect of being a nuisance to Kankurou. Secrets and lies had never sat well with her, at least not with those she cared for anyway, but when had she lost her touch in being unable to keep them? So lost was she in her own thoughts, Anko didn't even realize they were home until she was automatically pulling the door shut behind her, the uncomfortable silence now resonating throughout the apartment.
In an attempt to regain some sort of hold on the situation, Anko tugged lightly on Kankurou's hand, leading him into the kitchen in hopes of maybe being able to clean him up a bit. Kneeling down to pull out one of the first aid kits she had stashed from underneath the sink, she slid her hand out of Kankurou's grip so she could hop up on the counter, bringing herself up to eye-level where she could see what she was doing easier.
"I hope whoever got you is walking away worse then this hun, else I'll feel like a total failure," she quipped, dampening some paper towels to gently wipe away the worst of the dried blood caked onto Kankurou's face and neck. He could yell and curse at her all he wanted, but in the end, what did all the worrying and side-stepping really get you? Not a damned thing. Kankurou knew what was going on now and Anko wanted things to fall back into their normal place where they were comfortable again. She didn't want things to slide back and get complicated again, not after all she and Kankurou had done and worked through to finally get settled into a nice, comfortable groove.
If he wanted to play the 'ignore it and maybe it will go away' game, fine by her.
She'd simply been playing the game longer then he had was all.
Kankurou held himself steady for her to clean his face up, his eyes looking at nothing in particular and avoiding meeting her eyes at all costs. Once the both of them entered the confines of the apartment, Kankurou was all for falling face down into the couch and just praying that this was all just a bad dream. But he followed her to the kitchen, knowing full well that he couldn't just sleep on this and just hoped that it would just be something different when he woke up. Things just didn't happen like that.
Upon hearing her words, Kankurou tilted his head to the side with a snort (which made him wince). "At this time at nigh', I don't think I did much worse than jus' a cut t'his arm. S'all. Maybe if it was in broad dayligh', I could've done worse. Sorry t'disappoint."
But if he had another chance at the stocky bouncer now, Kankurou would probably go all the way and just kill the bastard, knowing what he knew now.
A slight shaking of her head was Anko's immediate response, her lower lip caught between her teeth as her fingers gently felt along the ridge of Kankurou's nose for any breaks now that the majority of the blood had been cleared away. Aside from the bruise that was already beginning to bloom and the slight puffiness, there were no broken bones to speak of, leaving Anko to move on to cleaning up and re-wrapping his busted knuckles.
"Not disappointing at all hun...just wish you would have let me have a go at the fucker. But at least you can just keep with your abusive relationship theory, tell everyone how horrible and evil I am and just blame me for it and no one would be the wiser and then you'd get all the pity," she teased lightly, raising a hand to curl around his jaw and stroked her thumb across his cheekbone in a gesture of comfort and in an attempt to get Kankurou to just look at her.
His eyes moved slowly to refocus on her again, but still without the humor she was trying to put into the whole ordeal. He knew she was trying to get things back to normal, to the way they were just a few hours ago, but even if she had accepted this whole thing, he only had the past two hours to get familiar with the information. Something that he was even still stubbornly trying to reject at this very moment.
Because, god damn it, how could it happen without him knowing?
The thought again made him look sideways before her hand reminded him that it was his turn to speak. Respond. Say something.
"We're still goin' t'Celo," he bluntly told her, the only solution he could still think of right now.
The plain statement of fact left Anko frowning at Kankurou’s stubbornness, not something she was unused to by any stretch but still was annoying when he decided to dig in about something that she didn’t want to do.
“Come on hun, there’s no point to it and I don’t feel like hiding away down there right now.” Besides there was the small fact that the past few times she had ended up in front of Rin there had been some sort of a blistering lecture included for whatever random stupidity had landed Anko in her current predicament and that kind of made the idea of paying the Doc a visit just a little less enjoyable.
“I want to stay here.”
A couple of months ago, Kankurou would've probably relented, giving into Anko's own suggestion. A couple of months ago, they wouldn't have been in this situation in the first place and their ties wouldn't have knotted together this close at this point.
A couple of months ago, no one was fucking dying.
His hands reached up and took a firm grip, not to the point of painful, on the side of her arms, the look on his face complimentary to the desperate grip on her shoulders. Why didn't she get it?
"We're goin' t'Celo, Anko," he repeated again, stressing each syllable with a tone of firmness and finality that he wanted to get across to her. It was fine if she wanted to ignore all of this, take her time to waste away. It was her own personal opinion and wants, her own decision to submit to the facts. "Ev'n if I 'ave t'carry your ass, we're goin' t'Celo. Understan'? You didn't tell me 'bout this, you didn't want me t'worry, well tough shit. Now I know an' you're gonna 'ave t'deal wit' it. I'm not makin' this any harder than it's suppose t'be an' not doin' this in anyway t'get revenge."
"You wanna die, fine by me, but don't fuckin' forget tha' there's 'ctually some people tha' give a shit 'bout if you live or not. So at least try an' act like you give a shit 'bout th' life you're livin' in now!"
The sudden explosion momentarily halted her pouting, Anko could only sit there silently, tired violet eyes widened as they took the now open desperation and distress written so clearly on Kankurou's features, through his grip on her arms, through the harsh breathing wisping past his lips in his irritation.
This was why she had kept her secret to herself. Seeing Kankurou like this stripped Anko bare and her own carefully constructed facade began to crumble in light of his words and the emotion flickering across his face.
"I don't want to die dammit, but I can't take getting my hopes up time and time again only for them to come crashing down each time," she whispered, hating that Kankurou could make her admit that. She knew there were all sorts of 'cures' and 'antidotes' being sold on almost every street corner in Cena, that people were rushing and grasping at any hope they could afford to try but she hadn't bothered, knowing that if anything real came along Rin would let her know or Kankurou would hear about it and only then would she allow herself to hope.
"You're the only reason that I'm still here now, don't you get that? If it were just me I'd be out there trying to die on my own terms, going down in a flame of glory or some shit like that. Hell it's still crossed my mind even knowing that I'm too selfish to do it because I want to spend every waking moment with you. I'm not that strong Kankurou, I'm scared to fucking death here and I hate that theres nothing I can do except sit by idly twiddling my thumbs to see what tomorrow will bring...but in the end, you're whats keeping me here." Each little word brought her closer to that breaking point that had been hovering since Rin told her that she had been infected, even now needing Kankurou's comforting presence to keep her sane, fine tremors beginning to wrack her frame just in the attempt to keep herself together knowing that Kankurou was just as affected as she was and that he was leaning on her too to keep his world from falling apart.
Kankurou immediately regretted his words when he could feel her shaking underneath his fingertips, causing his face to contort into one of alarm. He didn't know if she was going to cry or was the shaking just because of her condition. Either way, it wasn't good and Kankurou once again cursed himself for his instinctive temper, having no control over it himself. His hands moved to her own, holding each of her digits firmly, before letting out a sigh that seemed to carry all the tension that had built up tonight.
"I ge' it, I fuckin' ge' it," he repeated in a much quieter tone, one close to soothing if nt for his usual choice of language. He didn't want to see her like this, even if this was what he was pining for all night. But in the end, it only made things more worse. Fingers travelled upwards to cup her face momentarily before threading them into her hair, a familiar sentiment gesture, before he leaned forward and rested his forehead against hers.
"It's th' same fer me, Anko. Every time I do some crazy deal wit' th' psychos out there or when I'm goin' through th' streets, I'm thinkin' an' checkin' leas' twice 'cause of you. Alrigh'? S'why you jus' keepin' this from me s'tearin' me up. 'Cause I care so damn much 'bout you. So don't act like you 'ave t'go through this by yourself, 'cause I'm 'ere an' I en't goin' anywhere." Dry lips brushed against her forehead as he raised his head, forcing a upward tilt on the corner of his mouth.
"Fuck, Anko. Compared t'everythin' else, this should be a piece of cake."
A soft bark of bitter laughter escaped her before she could stop herself, her eyes falling shut at the soft touches and by the words reaching her ears. Her own hands automatically rose to cover his, her fingers twining with his in the tangle of her hair.
"When have things ever come easy? If it's not one damned thing it's another every time we turn around. But no matter what happens from here, I can't say that I would change anything." Nuzzling her nose against his cheek for a moment, she let her hands glide down his arms to wrap around Kankurou's waist as she moved to bury her face in the crook of his neck. She couldn't help but sag against him in some crazed sense of relief, even though she was to blame for keeping him out of the loop, Kankurou knowing and telling her that he intending to stick around for whatever may come brought about a certain level of peace.
"'m sorry I didn't say anything b'fore. Jus' didn't want for you to worry and if I didn't say anything I could pretend it wasn't true...but I just didn' want to hurt you." Her words were muffled by the skin of Kankurou's neck but they were still offered out to him in the knowledge that by not telling him she ended up hurting him even more. It was at this moment that she cursed her illness, the emotional highs and lows of the night exhausted her beyond all reason and would have worn her out completely even on a good day, but here going on a couple weeks without but a few quick glimpses of a true REM cycle was nearly enough to make a person go insane.
"I'll go to Celo. We'll go and see the Doc but I won't let you hound her when she's doing all that she can and I'll let you do what you want without argument on your side of things but I want your promise that you won't knowingly get yourself infected, Kankurou. Back when we could barely look at one another without arguing I was ready to take a bullet for my own stupidity over something happening to you, now...if you were to get sick because of trying to help me...I honestly don't know what I'd do. Please...promise me that hun."
As always, Anko seemed to be one step ahead of him, thinking out things to the details. Her promise not only limited the the procedure he always followed through with to find antidotes for these things, but it limited him in what he could tell her from now on. He didn't want to break her trust, he didn't, but if it saved her life or if it gave them just an extra few seconds -- he'd do it.
"Yeah," he finally promised, in a hesitant way, and almost afraid that Anko would see through his own thoughts behind that simple promise. The thought that she needed him that much was enough to make him actually confess his own deadly sins right then and there. Not that any of them went past trying out at least five new concoctions this week, but even so at this point she made him feel like some kind of angel. Or that he should be one.
Determined to just sleep on it and stop her from questioning further, he bent down to press his lips against her neck, hopefully sealing all of tonight's trouble with it. "C'n we go back t'bed now? Or leas' jus' lie there or somethin'," he quickly corrected himself, remembering that one of them wasn't going to go to sleep that quickly. "I'll try t'stay up wit' you as far as I c'n," he promised again, his arms coiling around her body in a subtle way, ready to pick her up at an instant's notice if she protested.
So worn out that she was Anko didn't even pick up on the hesitation, she just took his acquiescence and was content with that. She however did notice his arms moving around her and she simply relaxed against Kankurou even further, tightening her own grip around his waist.
"Bed sounds good and I'm not going anywhere. You've worked all day and then you were out chasing me...you need to sleep just as much if not more then I do sweetheart, no need for you to have to sit up all night too." And especially now that it wasn't an option for her, Anko would be damned if she let Kankurou sit up all night and take such a small thing as the ablilty to sleep for granted when there was no need to. Hell, as fucking exhausted as she was right then, just the prospect of having to slide down off the counter and make the short trip back to their bedroom was almost enough to make her want to just curl up where she was for the remainder of the night.
"Babysittin' you was never a problem," he teased gently, his lips nudging the side of her face with a tenderness that he developed through her, of all the people in the world.
Taking the further incline of her body against him as a sign of resignation for now, Kankurou gingerly wrapped his arms around her legs and upper torso respectively, lifting her light form off the counter top with ease. The mere name of the particular way he was handling her made him think about her comment, and whether she was joking or not. But with one look at her tired face, Kankurou decided to save it for another day, not wanting to ruin this rare opportunity for her to go to sleep.
After laying her down on the bed and drawing the covers over the both of them, Kankurou found himself the victim of a sleepless night now, his eyes watching every subtle movement of her face.
Automatically Anko's arms twisted up to wrap around Kankurou's neck to help facilitate the short trip, her forehead cushioned against his shoulder.
"I'll remember that for the first complaint I hear, just fair warning sweetheart," she teased back softly. Her eyelids fell shut heavily with her exhaustion weighing them down the moment her head touched her pillow. Comforted by the soft sounds of Kankurou moving about the room, she instinctively reached out for him when she felt the bed dip down from the added weight, easily sliding back into his embrace even as the covers were tugged over the both of them.
An indefinite period of time passed and still sleep eluded Anko by a mere hairsbreadth, finally leading her to slowly open tired violet eyes with a soft exasperated huff to meet a pair of worried green eyes just a short distance away. Her forehead wrinkled in a frown at the realization that Kankurou had yet to fall asleep himself even as her hand lifted to cup his cheek with a soft sigh of annoyance.
Silence reigned in the room as Anko lifted her head enough to close the small remaining distance, pressing her lips softly against Kankurou's, her fingers brushing against his cheekbone. Pulling back slightly she then drew a single finger down over the fragile skin of each of his eyelids in a silent order to go to sleep. Letting her fingers rest stationary for a moment to show that she wasn't kidding around, eventually Kankurou's breathing evened out and his face slackened into that relaxed mask of sleep Anko had become so intimately knowledgeable here of late. Gently, so as not to wake the now sleeping Kankurou, Anko ran the tip of her finger over his lips as her mind tried to race off in fifty million directions at once. An obnoxious red glow caught her eye and distracted her from her inner musings as she turned a glare to the demonic alarm clock, slowly ticking away the minutes of the night. Moving carefully so she wouldn't disturb her sleeping lover, she reached over and turned it around to illuminate the cracked plaster wall with it's ignorant reminders before settling herself back down in Kankurou's embrace, quite pleased with herself.
Shifting so that her head could rest against Kankurou's chest, Anko let herself be lulled by the steady 'thump' of his heartbeat, shoving all thoughts out of her mind and focusing it on that one sound she was eventually able to find some sort of a restful state. Not quite sleep but better then nothing and at this point she would take what she could get just so she could face the next day with some sense of rest under her belt.
Besides, who knew what tomorrow would bring and Anko would make sure she'd be ready for it...whatever 'it' entailed.