Comments | distraction16: Fic: The Damage Done (Being Human)

distraction16

Fic: The Damage Done (Being Human)

Apr 29, 2009 22:52

Title: The Damage Done
Pairing(s): None (well, Mitchell/Herrick if you squint)
Rating: PG 15
Disclaimer: They're not mine, they're Toby Whithouse's
Warnings: None
Summary: Mitchell's first attempt at going cold turkey didn't go so well
A/N: I'm not happy with the first few paragraphs of this so comments/advice gratefully received

( read the fic )

herrick, mitchell, being human, fic

Comments 10

filthgoblin May 2 2009, 22:58:49 UTC

Oh, that's just delicious. I love the need/revulsion relationship between Mitchell and Herrick, and the need Mitchell has to feed, to run back to Herrick when things are tough, and the undertones of repressed sexuality come through very richly.

distraction16 May 3 2009, 09:38:29 UTC

Thankyou, glad you liked it. I find the Mitchell/Herrick dynamic fascinating, as you said need/revulsion just about covers it from Mitchell's pov!
Thanks for commenting :-)

hazelayes May 3 2009, 19:30:40 UTC

Wow! *clears throat* I mean WOW!
That packs a punch that you don't really expect from the way it starts, and I mean that as a compliment.

You shouldn't worry about the first paras, I think their tone of emptiness works very well, especially in contrast to the intense ending.
If anything though, I'd suggest a couple more para breaks - one half way through the first para at 'Hating himself for his weakness...' and one at 'Mitchell's head jerked up...' which is half way through the third from last para.

That's all _I_ think it needs :)

distraction16 May 3 2009, 22:41:39 UTC

Thankyou! I like that reaction :-)
Thanks for the paragraph break advice as well, you're right, it does work better. Changes made.

(The comment has been removed)

distraction16 May 4 2009, 11:20:44 UTC

Yay thanks :-)I'm writing a sequel so more Mitchell/Herrick for you soon (or more realistically, when the exams are over).

Have you written the next bit of your bad Mitchell fic yet? I need to know what happens! No pressure or anything :-)

(The comment has been removed)

distraction16 May 4 2009, 19:05:02 UTC

oh yeah, sorry I remember you saying now. Ok I'll stop hassling :-)

byrons_brain May 4 2009, 17:31:46 UTC

Great fic... love Herrick.... there needs to be more Herrick fic.

distraction16 May 4 2009, 19:07:21 UTC

Thankyou, happy you liked it! The world does need more Herrick fic- I'm working on making up the deficit but I think I could do with some help... hint to anyone who feels like it :-D