we were destined to explode
we were destined to explode | exo | lu han/sehun | 2400~ | in which the subway can bring you anywhere you want
special thanks: ubomb for allowing me to articulate on kktalk, thank you bb ♥
{ we were destined to explode
Lu Han decides to make his first trip at age 21, luggage bumping into his foot as he walks towards the train station. He has no idea where he wants to go.
There are people that plan their first trip since young, filling up walls with pictures of metal-wrought bridges, of flower-dusted streets. Lu Han has even seen someone with a picture of a desert, sand a fog that blurs the blue sky.
Everyone is entitled to one free trip on the subway in their lifetime. Thereafter, only people with legitimate reasons can approach it.
Lu Han stands in front of the giant electronic board. On it are displayed the names of every country in the world. He could go to 新加坡 or 美国. He could even go to 南极洲 if he so desired. Instead he closes his eyes and reaches out blindly to the board, fingertips touching cold glass. He opens his eyes -
“你选择了韩国. 希望你路程顺利.”
*you have chosen Korea, hope you have a successful trip
━━☆
He falls asleep to conversations he understands, and wakes up to noise. Or maybe not noise per se, but a different type of language. He steps out of the train and a whirlwind of consonants and rounded words capture him, with words that sound like Chinese but are not. It’s comforting yet confusing, this sensation of not understanding. It allows a sort of solidarity to his presence even in the midst of the bustling crowd. Lu Han embraces it immediately.
Lu Han navigates his way to the counter that has a huge Chinese above it in curly Chinese characters. In addition to the free trip, people get to hire a translator to guide them around if they are unable to speak the language there. Lu Han knows close to no Korean.
The woman at the counter looks bored, fingers on the keyboard in front of her. She doesn’t look up when Lu Han calls for her, and instead reaches out a hand for his identification card, her other hand on her computer mouse. Lu Han fumbles for his wallet for a moment and passes her his identification. He stands awkwardly as she keys in his information, fingers nervously drumming the counter top.
“We only have a trainee left,” she finally opens her mouth to say, eyes still not meeting his. Lu Han replies with an okay. The woman stands then, shouting in rapid Korean as she enters the backdoor to look for someone. Lu Han fiddles with his thumbs.
The someone she brings back is a tall lanky boy, who looks extremely bored about this whole situation.
“This is Oh Sehun. He’ll be your guide for the duration of your stay.”
Lu Han tentatively reaches out a hand. The hand that engulfs his is bigger, long fingers that press against his knuckles. The hand squeezes his a little, and then nudges to get free. He lets go.
Sehun’s legs are infuriating long, and he walks fast and fluidly, walks like someone who knows the streets well (which he does). Lu Han has to semi-jog to catch up, almost tripping on his luggage a few times. His mood has also tripped a few times the past 10 minutes, from excitement to annoyance and to the current setting of simply livid. When Lu Han finally manages to catch up, he reaches out and catches a wrist in his hand, and tugs Sehun to a halt.
“Can you walk slower,” Lu Han asks, words in a jumble and tripping over themselves as he tries to catch his breath again.
“But why walk slowly when there’s so much in the world to see,” Sehun replies, and Lu Han realizes this is the first thing Sehun has said to him all day.
He doesn’t know what to say back.
━━☆
The first place Sehun brings Lu Han to is a Starbucks. Lu Han is a little miffed about this because Sehun is a translator. He’s not supposed to have planned Lu Han’s itinerary. He was supposed to make sure Lu Han could get around Seoul. But Lu Han followed him anyway because his level of Korean guaranteed that he would end up having to wash dishes here illegally to make a living if he was to get lost. There’s also the fact that Lu Han doesn’t really drink coffee that adds to his bad mood.
“小心. 要照顾你的心.”
*be careful, take care of your heart
Lu Han jerks out of his thoughts. He turns around but all he sees is a guy, dressed in the Starbucks employee outfit, clearing the tables next to his. Sehun returns with two cups, placing the smaller of the two in front of Lu Han. It’s filled with something frothy, lines of caramel slashed across the top. Lu Han peers at it while Sehun drinks his own cup, downing it as if his life depended on it. He sips cautiously at his own, and it’s actually not too bad. If he just ignored the way bitterness lingers and concentrates on the caram -
“Sehun!” a voice calls from the side of the café. Lu Han watches as a tall, lanky boy sits on the seat opposite them, dressed in the Starbucks employee uniform. He rubs Sehun’s hair before the former swats him away.
“Hi, I am Zitao,” he introduces in Korea, and Lu Han is glad he at least understands this.
“I’m Lu Han.”
Zitao’s eyes widen, “you’re Chinese,” and before Lu Han can nod in response, Zitao launches into a fluster of Chinese, asking him how he was finding Korea, which part of China is he from and how old is he.
Lu Han opens his mouth to begin to answer him, but Sehun talks before he gets the chance to.
“Thank you for the coffee, ge. We’re leaving,” he grabs Lu Han wrist and pulls him out, as Lu Han waves awkwardly to a pouting Zitao.
━━☆
(Sehun cajoles Lu Han into soju on the third day, even though Sehun is still technically underage. Lu Han relents, and they sit on the balcony of Lu Han’s hotel room, drinking while surrounded by an empty midnight sky.
“Do you believe in the one?” Sehun suddenly asks, words slurring and ears painted a rosy pink. He’s nearly drunk, Lu Han thinks, eyes unfocused and head tilted against the wall behind him.
Lu Han looks at him.
“You know, one person for one lifetime. Isn’t that incredibly boring?”
Lu Han wants to open his mouth, tell him about how he does believe, believe in true love and soulmates and all forms of ridiculous romantic notions, but he doesn’t. It’s not as if Sehun needs to know about his beliefs.
“Sometimes, I think I am just scared of commitment.”
Something twists in Lu Han’s chest. He takes another swig from the bottle.)
━━☆
On day seven, Sehun drags Lu Han to the amusement park. It’s called Lotte World, and it is huge and ridiculously expensive. Lu Han has to pay for both of them.
“Why can’t we go somewhere else,” Lu Han grumbles, as he hands over the money to the ticket attendant.
The first ride they get on is the Gyro Drop. Lu Han eyes the ride with uncertainty.
“Why, are you scared of heights?” Sehun asks, laughter in his voice.
Lu Han is indeed afraid of heights, but he’s not going to admit it there and then. He shakes his head even as his stomach drops.
He clutches at Sehun’s hands involuntarily when they are high up in the air, legs dangling in empty space. His eyes are squeezed shut, teeth chattering.
Sehun doesn’t comment about his reaction when they are on ground, just watches quietly as Lu Han vomits his lunch out into the drain. But, he holds Lu Han’s hand in his, and only leads him towards the safer rides.
They end the day on the carousel, sitting side by side on fake horses. Sehun holds on to Lu Han’s hand as they spin around and around, and Lu Han thinks he would be okay with Sehun holding his hand forever.
━━☆
Mornings at Starbucks become a daily routine; with Zitao slipping them free drinks even as he grumbles aloud and updates his weibo:
“世界对我来说没有不可能. 用我当咖啡机器的朋友,也就当然有可能.”
*There is nothing impossible in the world to me. That's why friends who treat me as a coffee machine, are also a possibility.
Sometimes, Zitao talks to Lu Han when Sehun is late or at the washroom. His words hold underlying concerns and worries. He talks about people, who are just fleeting by nature, talks about people who practically have wings, who will never settle down. He claims that it’s just something he thinks about a lot, but he clams up when Sehun arrives, leaves a sad smile towards Lu Han’s direction and goes back to the counter.
Lu Han thinks he understands but he chooses not to.
━━☆
On day 14, they kiss.
(But let’s start from the beginning.)
On day 14 (night really), Sehun brings Lu Han to Namsan Mountain. It’s a beautiful night, the sky bright with stars (with impossibilities). Lu Han has grown used to the way his heart flips when he is around Sehun, a steady drumming that sends his world into overdrive. He registers the way Sehun slings am arm across his shoulders as an anchor, processes lingering looks as a sign of mutual want. He allows Sehun to drag him into a cable car cabin, physically too tired to fight against him and mentally too jumbled to remember his fear of heights.
Then he realizes he is riding in a cable car.
“Sehun,” he starts off in a small voice, hand already a death grip on the hand bar. Sehun turns to look at him, eyes bright, before they dimmed down as he notices the way Lu Han is shaking.
“Oh my god, you are afraid of heights,” Sehun realizes. Lu Han is about to shake that off and tell him no, to say something like I just need someone to hold on to for a while, and then -
Sehun kisses him. Sehun crowds Lu Han into a corner of the cable car cabin and kisses him. It begins as just a chaste meeting between lips, pressure against pressure, but soon morphs into something more, teeth knocking into soft skin and tongues invading personal space. Lu Han continues shaking, little tremours that vibrate underneath his skin, but for an entirely different reason.
There’s something in Sehun’s eyes that scares him, as Sehun rubs a finger over and over against the bruise on his neck.
“I - This means nothing, you know that right?” Sehun’s voice is pitched a little too high to be entirely truthful, but there’s an adamant look in his eyes.
“Yeah, yeah of course,” Lu Han replies, even as he feels his heart flip turn flip turn flip turn. After all, it was impossible to fall in love in such a short period of time, wasn’t it? This was just all ridiculous infatuation.
He repeats this to himself over and over again on the way back to the hotel, a silent Sehun next to him.
He doesn’t believe himself at all.
(They start to kiss frequently after this, little intimate moments in washrooms and the corner of the subway. Sehun is always the one that stops first.)
━━☆
Sehun is magic in Lu Han’s eyes because Lu Han is in love with Sehun.
He is in love with the way Sehun smiles at him, the side of his mouth twisted up, almost unevenly. He is in love with the way Sehun touches, soft brushes of fingertips against bare skin. He likes the way Sehun talks, every word seemingly hiding another meaning.
Admitting it doesn’t mean it makes any sense, because Lu Han knows Sehun wouldn’t stay with him. There is a small part of him that however, still decides to hold on.
━━☆
On day 21, they go to Insa-dong. Sehun says it’s amazing there, a blend of tradition and freedom. Sehun’s hand bumps into Lu Han’s as they walk down the street, knuckles brushing knuckles. Lu Han holds Sehun’s hands in his. Sehun turns to look at him, and the look in his eyes reads do you understand how this will end. Lu Han grabs his hand tighter.
Sehun buys a Rubik’s Cube from one the vendors there, a worn-out piece with the colours almost chipping.
“A memory of Korea.”
A memory of me.
“I’ll never forget Korea.”
I’ll never forget you.
━━☆
They have sex for the first time the on the last day Lu Han is in Korea. Lu Han thinks there is a certain irony in the fact that one of his last memory of Sehun, strong, free-spirited Sehun, is of him naked, bruises dug into fragile hipbones and crescent shaped dents marring his smooth, tanned skin. Lu Han will always remember the way his name had left Sehun’s lips, broken and in pieces, as he rolls his hips against his again. Sometimes when he closes his eyes, he can almost feel the warmness of Sehun’s skin, remembers the way it had burn when he had touched, sending fire down his veins.
Lu Han will also never forget the sensation of waking up alone, hands desperately clinging on to a pillow as if it was Sehun.
━━☆
“I’ll always love you,” Sehun says before Lu Han walks into the station. Anger fizzes through Lu Han. He’s angry at how selfish Sehun is, selfish enough to confess like that right before they part. His heart burns in his chest, out of anger or out of pain, he isn’t sure anymore. But he doesn’t lash out at Sehun. Instead, he cups Sehun’s head in his hands and presses their forehead together. This is what he needs now, a last moment of togetherness before he has to leave.
“I’ll always love you too,” Lu Han whispers, voice light in the air.
He turns and walks away.
━━☆
(Lu Han will always love Sehun, and Sehun will always love Lu Han, but this where the similarities end. Sehun will grow to love more; will learn to accommodate many others into his heart. It doesn’t matter if he loves the subsequent people more, less or equal to the degree in which he loves Lu Han, he will love others, and his heart will never belong to one. He cannot be tied down, not to a place, and certainly not to a person, he’s too free-spirited for that. Lu Han however, will forever long for someone who is unable to give his whole heart to him, forever wait for a train that is never going to come.)
*- first non-smut fic to reach 2000 words and above \o/ achievement.
- this story is very loosely inspired by Jimmy Liao's 地下铁.
twitter here
special thanks: ubomb for allowing me to articulate on kktalk, thank you bb ♥
{ we were destined to explode
Lu Han decides to make his first trip at age 21, luggage bumping into his foot as he walks towards the train station. He has no idea where he wants to go.
There are people that plan their first trip since young, filling up walls with pictures of metal-wrought bridges, of flower-dusted streets. Lu Han has even seen someone with a picture of a desert, sand a fog that blurs the blue sky.
Everyone is entitled to one free trip on the subway in their lifetime. Thereafter, only people with legitimate reasons can approach it.
Lu Han stands in front of the giant electronic board. On it are displayed the names of every country in the world. He could go to 新加坡 or 美国. He could even go to 南极洲 if he so desired. Instead he closes his eyes and reaches out blindly to the board, fingertips touching cold glass. He opens his eyes -
“你选择了韩国. 希望你路程顺利.”
*you have chosen Korea, hope you have a successful trip
━━☆
He falls asleep to conversations he understands, and wakes up to noise. Or maybe not noise per se, but a different type of language. He steps out of the train and a whirlwind of consonants and rounded words capture him, with words that sound like Chinese but are not. It’s comforting yet confusing, this sensation of not understanding. It allows a sort of solidarity to his presence even in the midst of the bustling crowd. Lu Han embraces it immediately.
Lu Han navigates his way to the counter that has a huge Chinese above it in curly Chinese characters. In addition to the free trip, people get to hire a translator to guide them around if they are unable to speak the language there. Lu Han knows close to no Korean.
The woman at the counter looks bored, fingers on the keyboard in front of her. She doesn’t look up when Lu Han calls for her, and instead reaches out a hand for his identification card, her other hand on her computer mouse. Lu Han fumbles for his wallet for a moment and passes her his identification. He stands awkwardly as she keys in his information, fingers nervously drumming the counter top.
“We only have a trainee left,” she finally opens her mouth to say, eyes still not meeting his. Lu Han replies with an okay. The woman stands then, shouting in rapid Korean as she enters the backdoor to look for someone. Lu Han fiddles with his thumbs.
The someone she brings back is a tall lanky boy, who looks extremely bored about this whole situation.
“This is Oh Sehun. He’ll be your guide for the duration of your stay.”
Lu Han tentatively reaches out a hand. The hand that engulfs his is bigger, long fingers that press against his knuckles. The hand squeezes his a little, and then nudges to get free. He lets go.
Sehun’s legs are infuriating long, and he walks fast and fluidly, walks like someone who knows the streets well (which he does). Lu Han has to semi-jog to catch up, almost tripping on his luggage a few times. His mood has also tripped a few times the past 10 minutes, from excitement to annoyance and to the current setting of simply livid. When Lu Han finally manages to catch up, he reaches out and catches a wrist in his hand, and tugs Sehun to a halt.
“Can you walk slower,” Lu Han asks, words in a jumble and tripping over themselves as he tries to catch his breath again.
“But why walk slowly when there’s so much in the world to see,” Sehun replies, and Lu Han realizes this is the first thing Sehun has said to him all day.
He doesn’t know what to say back.
━━☆
The first place Sehun brings Lu Han to is a Starbucks. Lu Han is a little miffed about this because Sehun is a translator. He’s not supposed to have planned Lu Han’s itinerary. He was supposed to make sure Lu Han could get around Seoul. But Lu Han followed him anyway because his level of Korean guaranteed that he would end up having to wash dishes here illegally to make a living if he was to get lost. There’s also the fact that Lu Han doesn’t really drink coffee that adds to his bad mood.
“小心. 要照顾你的心.”
*be careful, take care of your heart
Lu Han jerks out of his thoughts. He turns around but all he sees is a guy, dressed in the Starbucks employee outfit, clearing the tables next to his. Sehun returns with two cups, placing the smaller of the two in front of Lu Han. It’s filled with something frothy, lines of caramel slashed across the top. Lu Han peers at it while Sehun drinks his own cup, downing it as if his life depended on it. He sips cautiously at his own, and it’s actually not too bad. If he just ignored the way bitterness lingers and concentrates on the caram -
“Sehun!” a voice calls from the side of the café. Lu Han watches as a tall, lanky boy sits on the seat opposite them, dressed in the Starbucks employee uniform. He rubs Sehun’s hair before the former swats him away.
“Hi, I am Zitao,” he introduces in Korea, and Lu Han is glad he at least understands this.
“I’m Lu Han.”
Zitao’s eyes widen, “you’re Chinese,” and before Lu Han can nod in response, Zitao launches into a fluster of Chinese, asking him how he was finding Korea, which part of China is he from and how old is he.
Lu Han opens his mouth to begin to answer him, but Sehun talks before he gets the chance to.
“Thank you for the coffee, ge. We’re leaving,” he grabs Lu Han wrist and pulls him out, as Lu Han waves awkwardly to a pouting Zitao.
━━☆
(Sehun cajoles Lu Han into soju on the third day, even though Sehun is still technically underage. Lu Han relents, and they sit on the balcony of Lu Han’s hotel room, drinking while surrounded by an empty midnight sky.
“Do you believe in the one?” Sehun suddenly asks, words slurring and ears painted a rosy pink. He’s nearly drunk, Lu Han thinks, eyes unfocused and head tilted against the wall behind him.
Lu Han looks at him.
“You know, one person for one lifetime. Isn’t that incredibly boring?”
Lu Han wants to open his mouth, tell him about how he does believe, believe in true love and soulmates and all forms of ridiculous romantic notions, but he doesn’t. It’s not as if Sehun needs to know about his beliefs.
“Sometimes, I think I am just scared of commitment.”
Something twists in Lu Han’s chest. He takes another swig from the bottle.)
━━☆
On day seven, Sehun drags Lu Han to the amusement park. It’s called Lotte World, and it is huge and ridiculously expensive. Lu Han has to pay for both of them.
“Why can’t we go somewhere else,” Lu Han grumbles, as he hands over the money to the ticket attendant.
The first ride they get on is the Gyro Drop. Lu Han eyes the ride with uncertainty.
“Why, are you scared of heights?” Sehun asks, laughter in his voice.
Lu Han is indeed afraid of heights, but he’s not going to admit it there and then. He shakes his head even as his stomach drops.
He clutches at Sehun’s hands involuntarily when they are high up in the air, legs dangling in empty space. His eyes are squeezed shut, teeth chattering.
Sehun doesn’t comment about his reaction when they are on ground, just watches quietly as Lu Han vomits his lunch out into the drain. But, he holds Lu Han’s hand in his, and only leads him towards the safer rides.
They end the day on the carousel, sitting side by side on fake horses. Sehun holds on to Lu Han’s hand as they spin around and around, and Lu Han thinks he would be okay with Sehun holding his hand forever.
━━☆
Mornings at Starbucks become a daily routine; with Zitao slipping them free drinks even as he grumbles aloud and updates his weibo:
“世界对我来说没有不可能. 用我当咖啡机器的朋友,也就当然有可能.”
*There is nothing impossible in the world to me. That's why friends who treat me as a coffee machine, are also a possibility.
Sometimes, Zitao talks to Lu Han when Sehun is late or at the washroom. His words hold underlying concerns and worries. He talks about people, who are just fleeting by nature, talks about people who practically have wings, who will never settle down. He claims that it’s just something he thinks about a lot, but he clams up when Sehun arrives, leaves a sad smile towards Lu Han’s direction and goes back to the counter.
Lu Han thinks he understands but he chooses not to.
━━☆
On day 14, they kiss.
(But let’s start from the beginning.)
On day 14 (night really), Sehun brings Lu Han to Namsan Mountain. It’s a beautiful night, the sky bright with stars (with impossibilities). Lu Han has grown used to the way his heart flips when he is around Sehun, a steady drumming that sends his world into overdrive. He registers the way Sehun slings am arm across his shoulders as an anchor, processes lingering looks as a sign of mutual want. He allows Sehun to drag him into a cable car cabin, physically too tired to fight against him and mentally too jumbled to remember his fear of heights.
Then he realizes he is riding in a cable car.
“Sehun,” he starts off in a small voice, hand already a death grip on the hand bar. Sehun turns to look at him, eyes bright, before they dimmed down as he notices the way Lu Han is shaking.
“Oh my god, you are afraid of heights,” Sehun realizes. Lu Han is about to shake that off and tell him no, to say something like I just need someone to hold on to for a while, and then -
Sehun kisses him. Sehun crowds Lu Han into a corner of the cable car cabin and kisses him. It begins as just a chaste meeting between lips, pressure against pressure, but soon morphs into something more, teeth knocking into soft skin and tongues invading personal space. Lu Han continues shaking, little tremours that vibrate underneath his skin, but for an entirely different reason.
There’s something in Sehun’s eyes that scares him, as Sehun rubs a finger over and over against the bruise on his neck.
“I - This means nothing, you know that right?” Sehun’s voice is pitched a little too high to be entirely truthful, but there’s an adamant look in his eyes.
“Yeah, yeah of course,” Lu Han replies, even as he feels his heart flip turn flip turn flip turn. After all, it was impossible to fall in love in such a short period of time, wasn’t it? This was just all ridiculous infatuation.
He repeats this to himself over and over again on the way back to the hotel, a silent Sehun next to him.
He doesn’t believe himself at all.
(They start to kiss frequently after this, little intimate moments in washrooms and the corner of the subway. Sehun is always the one that stops first.)
━━☆
Sehun is magic in Lu Han’s eyes because Lu Han is in love with Sehun.
He is in love with the way Sehun smiles at him, the side of his mouth twisted up, almost unevenly. He is in love with the way Sehun touches, soft brushes of fingertips against bare skin. He likes the way Sehun talks, every word seemingly hiding another meaning.
Admitting it doesn’t mean it makes any sense, because Lu Han knows Sehun wouldn’t stay with him. There is a small part of him that however, still decides to hold on.
━━☆
On day 21, they go to Insa-dong. Sehun says it’s amazing there, a blend of tradition and freedom. Sehun’s hand bumps into Lu Han’s as they walk down the street, knuckles brushing knuckles. Lu Han holds Sehun’s hands in his. Sehun turns to look at him, and the look in his eyes reads do you understand how this will end. Lu Han grabs his hand tighter.
Sehun buys a Rubik’s Cube from one the vendors there, a worn-out piece with the colours almost chipping.
“A memory of Korea.”
A memory of me.
“I’ll never forget Korea.”
I’ll never forget you.
━━☆
They have sex for the first time the on the last day Lu Han is in Korea. Lu Han thinks there is a certain irony in the fact that one of his last memory of Sehun, strong, free-spirited Sehun, is of him naked, bruises dug into fragile hipbones and crescent shaped dents marring his smooth, tanned skin. Lu Han will always remember the way his name had left Sehun’s lips, broken and in pieces, as he rolls his hips against his again. Sometimes when he closes his eyes, he can almost feel the warmness of Sehun’s skin, remembers the way it had burn when he had touched, sending fire down his veins.
Lu Han will also never forget the sensation of waking up alone, hands desperately clinging on to a pillow as if it was Sehun.
━━☆
“I’ll always love you,” Sehun says before Lu Han walks into the station. Anger fizzes through Lu Han. He’s angry at how selfish Sehun is, selfish enough to confess like that right before they part. His heart burns in his chest, out of anger or out of pain, he isn’t sure anymore. But he doesn’t lash out at Sehun. Instead, he cups Sehun’s head in his hands and presses their forehead together. This is what he needs now, a last moment of togetherness before he has to leave.
“I’ll always love you too,” Lu Han whispers, voice light in the air.
He turns and walks away.
━━☆
(Lu Han will always love Sehun, and Sehun will always love Lu Han, but this where the similarities end. Sehun will grow to love more; will learn to accommodate many others into his heart. It doesn’t matter if he loves the subsequent people more, less or equal to the degree in which he loves Lu Han, he will love others, and his heart will never belong to one. He cannot be tied down, not to a place, and certainly not to a person, he’s too free-spirited for that. Lu Han however, will forever long for someone who is unable to give his whole heart to him, forever wait for a train that is never going to come.)
*- first non-smut fic to reach 2000 words and above \o/ achievement.
- this story is very loosely inspired by Jimmy Liao's 地下铁.
twitter here