Abusive Relationship PSA

[discipuladc]

I know some people that are in bad relationships and a ton of people that have been in them. Many of these people, though self-respecting in other ways, don't recognize how bad their relationships are both because they are so used to dysfunctional relationships that they seem normal or because it's easier to deny the problem than address it. So, I

Comments

[beatnikbetty]

thanks for writing this.

[discipuladc]

It's one of those things that I preach like gospel given the chance, and lately, I've been seeing way too much of it around me not to start up again . . .

I just don't know how much it good it does those that really need it.

[streetfaerie]

I'm glad I ended a relationship, as I didn't see how damaging it was until the very end, and seeing this list confirmed my suspicions. Thank you.

[discipuladc]

I was raised in an abusive environment where all of this seemed normal, so when I got into an abusive marriage it didn't phase me. I don't know if things would have been different if I had realized earlier how unhealthy it was (until my parents divorced and I could stay with my mom but not my dad, I really had no where else to go), but I still wish that it had dawned on me earlier that I wasn't just being unreasonable when I was unhappy in those dynamics. And having some outside help and confirmation would have gone a long way.

[egg_spirit]

Name-calling
Criticism
Checking up on the other person
Showing up unexpectedly
Keeping track of where the other person is
Doing all of the daily planning
Controlling all of the finances
Unfairly blaming the other person
Putting the other person down
Not paying attention to the other person
----------------------

I do all of that, with a few exceptions. Our relationship is not abusive or dysfunctional. I think that using that list might be good as a general guide, but to insinuate that all relationships that "commit" any of these ARE abusive relationships are wrong. Every relationship is unique and different, and I find it quite abhorrent to say that I'm abusive because of how our relationship's dynamic works.

My $0.02.

[egg_spirit]

I should expand: Content, intent and end results should be factored in. The problem I had is with the statement "If you have experience or committed any of these, you are/were in an abusive relationship."

And there ends my $0.02.

[discipuladc]

Perhaps there is something to be said about how one defines each term since I assume lack of consent in most of these, rather than a form of taking responsibility

[egg_spirit]

Thank you for clarifying, I think that the following quote hit my point on the head: "I assume lack of consent in most of these, rather than a form of taking responsibility."

You, however, are much more eloquent than I. My husband calls me a stinky cow (and much worse) and it is all endearing, although I doubt outsiders could possibly understand. Yes...lack of consent is what creates the difference.

Again thanks for the clarifying.