fic: Finding Home - Merlin/Arthur
Title: Finding Home
Author Name:
digthewriter
Prompt Number and/or Title: “I think you travel to search and you come back home to find yourself there.” ― Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie Originally written for the
slashorific fest on DW.
Fandom: Merlin
Pairing: Merlin/Arthur
Rating: PG-13
Medium or Word Count: ~1900
Genre(s): Canon AU. Fluff. Happy for now - ending.
Warnings/Content: Canon!divergent. Merlin/?? past relationship.
Summary: It takes a stranger to show you how he feels. It takes a stranger to show you what you could have missed.
Notes: I love the theme of this fest and glad I was able to participate. Thanks to my beta, V.
Arthur paced the halls waiting for Merlin's return. He didn't know why Merlin had just left in such haste and even though Arthur wasn't supposed to care, he did.
"Are you quite alright, Prince?" Gaius asked him every day.
And for the five weeks Merlin had been missing, Arthur knew he was anything but alright.
Yet, he nodded and moved on. Or, pretended to move on. Nothing was keeping to his mood. Not Morgana, her antics to rouse the Knights, and none of Arthur's usual women. He'd had them before, of course, and they'd been helpful when Arthur was having a difficult time dealing with his father but with Merlin - there was no doing. There was no changing him. There was nothing.
"I think he's gone off because he's trying to mend his broken heart," Gwen had told him casually.
Once upon a time, Arthur would have entertained the idea of coupling with Gwen but Merlin, of all people, had always been in the way. And now, she was with Leon. Arthur knew better than to steal a woman from his favourite Knight. If Merlin were there, he'd be proud of Arthur's maturity.
But that was the problem. Merlin was not there.
"When is he going to return?" Arthur shouted into the empty chambers, nearly forgetting he did have a servant there.
"Gaius, sire?" the boy said, shaking. "I thought he'd just-"
"What? No." Arthur paced his room until he flopped on his bed. "Who are you again?"
The boy told Arthur his name, but Arthur didn't register it. He wasn't going to need to know his name. The boy would be gone soon, anyway.
Wasn't he?
"Shall I massage your feet?" the boy asked, and Arthur snapped at him again. "It's in my instructions, Sire."
"What instructions?"
"The ones Merlin left for me."
"Merlin?"
"Yes…" the boy said, white as a ghost.
"Tell me more," Arthur said with an even tone, he didn't know why he was taking all his anger out at him. Of course, it had everything to do with the fact how Arthur was used to taking out all his anger at Merlin but Merlin was simply not around.
"I didn't find it right away, at first, your majesty. But, once I was cleaning one of your boots - which I later discovered were your favourite boots, I found this parchment. It had details of things to do to take care of you, and how to deal - apologies, sire - for lack of a better word, with your moods. And one of them was to massage your feet. Especially, after a long ride. I know you've been stressed-"
"You know nothing about me," Arthur snapped.
"Of-of course…Prince Arthur…and if you'd wish for me to leave…"
"What else did the instructions say?" Arthur asked and as the boy was about to read the parchment to Arthur, word by word, they were interrupted.
"Sorry to bother you," Morgana said with a bit of hysterical laughter.
"What is it?" Arthur snapped.
"Don't get agitated with me, dear Prince, It seems your favourite prince has returned."
"What?" Arthur shouted but it almost to be on deaf ears because Morgana had run away and the boy, whose name Arthur had still not learned, stood up to his feet.
"Merlin's back!" the boy said with delight, and then, he too was out the door.
*-*
Arthur paced the room as he refused to leave it. To leave his domain and greet Merlin. Who did Merlin really think he was? He was a servant. Arthur's servant, and Arthur was not going to go and be part of the pathetic welcoming party. Thank you very much.
He knew he'd have to eventually leave the confines of his quarters because he was getting hungry and it didn't seem like the boy was going to return. Or bring him dinner. He sighed and plopped down on his bed. Maybe he could simply fall asleep hungry. Father wasn't around. He'd gone off to make another peace treaty and he had said he wasn't impressed with Arthur's attitude of late so he wasn't going to rely on Arthur to smooth things over.
Brilliant, Arthur thought. Now I'm not even good enough for my kingdom.
"Talking to yourself again?"
Arthur sat up straight. Had he said that out loud? "Merlin," he acknowledged.
"Good, you still remember me," Merlin said with a grin, closing the door behind him.
They stared at each other for a while. Arthur was cross and Merlin looked-Arthur didn't know. He couldn't decipher the look on Merlin's face.
"Have a nice trip?"
Merlin bit his lower lip and looked away. "I… Sorry I left like that. Wasn't fair to leave things-"
"No, it wasn't fair," Arthur said, standing up and crossing the room to close the distance between them. "You didn't think about anyone else but yourself, now did you? Merlin."
"I'm sorry," Merlin said, looking down, and Arthur thought as though Merlin did really mean it. He truly was sorry.
"Why…why did you go away like that? Where did you go?" Arthur asked, angry still, but not raising his voice. He pushed on Merlin's shoulder until Merlin stumbled back and hit the door behind him.
"It was a personal matter."
"A personal matter?" Arthur repeated. "Had you told Gaius?" When Arthur asked, Merlin nodded. "But not me? Did you go and visit your mother?"
Merlin shook his head.
"Then what?"
"I…" Merlin took in a deep breath and then he raised his eyes to meet Arthur's. There was hurt there, Arthur could see, but he didn't understand.
"Was it me?" Arthur asked before he could even stop himself; before he even realised what he was saying.
"No, of course not, Arthur. It wasn't you. It was…me. And my stupid heart. And my stupid…decision."
"Merlin, I don't understand." Arthur didn't remove his hand from Merlin's shoulder and stepped closer. He needed to breathe the same air as him. He needed to be physically attached to Merlin. He didn't know what was wrong with him. He'd been angry, livid really, with Merlin, but now to see him genuinely upset, it bothered Arthur.
Arthur needed to fix this as soon as possible.
"I had a lover, did you know?" Merlin asked softly, his eyes not meeting Arthur's again.
Arthur's grasp on Merlin's shoulder tightened. "No," was all he said. "When?"
"For the past few months. He was a healer-apprentice. He'd come to study under Gaius, and had stayed with us for a while. At first, it was just friendship, but then there was more…I thought I'd meant something to him but…I was wrong."
"What did he do? Did he hurt you?" I'll kill him.
Merlin shook his head. "No, sire. I…not in any physical way. We grew quite close and we'd even talked about travelling together. But, I didn't know he was lying to me. He'd been lying to me the entire time. After his apprenticeship with Gaius was over, he was going to travel across the seas and be the head physician in some kingdom. It's what his destiny had been since the start. But it wasn't just that-wasn't just his job-"
Merlin looked away and Arthur pulled Merlin into an embrace. They'd never done this before and Arthur didn't know what he was doing but he was holding Merlin tight, his face buried in Arthur's neck, and Arthur wanted to keep him there for as long as possible.
"What else did he lie about?" Arthur asked softly, his lips against Merlin's hair. He wanted to do more; he wanted to do so much more. He had no idea he harboured this much desire to protect Merlin, to comfort him. His hands rubbed small circles on Merlin's back, hoping to soothe him.
"Marriage," Merlin said, his hot breath on Arthur's skin, making Arthur's cock stir in surprise.
"What?" Arthur asked, trying to sound angry, so Merlin wouldn't notice Arthur's physical reaction.
"He was betrothed. To another woman," Merlin said, standing up straight, and Arthur saw mist in Merlin's eyes, otherwise, he was staying rather stoic. Arthur wondered if Merlin had cried all the tears and now he didn't have any left for this other man.
"So you ran away?" Arthur asked, hating how angry and disappointed he sounded. "You could have told me."
"Right," Merlin said. "You would've made fun of me. Called me stupid for falling for someone I didn't know very well and-"
"I didn't know you very well when we first met."
"Yes, and you almost killed me," said Merlin. "And what does that have to do with anything?"
He was correct, obviously. It didn't have anything to do with what Merlin was saying. "Did I treat you poorly now? Did I not attempt to comfort you like a friend?"
Merlin nodded. "You did. Thank you. But it isn't necessary. I learned my lesson, and I realised during my trip-"
"That you took without permission," said Arthur.
Merlin rolled his eyes. "That I took without permission…that I didn't love him. Not truly. I was travelling, learning, meeting new people on my own, and I didn't need him. The idea of travelling with him sounded more promising but when I was alone…it wasn't he who I missed."
"But you missed someone?" Arthur asked; and wasn't he just so pathetic?
"Yes. I missed…my life here…" Merlin said slowly. "Believe it or not, I missed being your servant." Then he snorted in disbelief.
They were still standing close; closer than they'd ever been, but Arthur didn't mind the distance between them. It seemed neither did Merlin. And then Arthur had to really think about what Merlin was saying. He missed being home. Was it possible he missed Arthur?
"So did you learn anything while you were away?" Arthur made a face, as if he were expecting Merlin to reveal some wisdom. It was better to insult him anyway-far better than to admit what was going through him.
"May I?" Merlin asked, as if he'd read Arthur's thoughts and he knew exactly what Arthur was thinking - He raised his hand and threaded his fingers through Arthur's hair.
"Very well," Arthur said, sounding bored. He was anything but. Merlin wanted to touch him, and in a way, provide his own comfort to Arthur.
Merlin smiled and then his fingers grazed Arthur's scalp, massaging a little, and exploring Arthur's head at the same time. They'd never done anything like this before, but Arthur wasn't about to tell Merlin to stop. His fingers felt like magic; and Arthur leaned into the touch.
"I think I went on this journey to search - for what? I don't know. But I've come back home and found myself here."
Arthur opened his eyes, not realising he'd closed them. "Home," he said.
"You're my home, Arthur. When I was out there, travelling from village to village, talking or helping people, I missed being next to you. I wanted you there with me. I didn't want to be alone because I missed him. I missed…us."
"You are my home, Merlin," replied Arthur and kissed Merlin.
This entry was originally posted at https://digthewriter.dreamwidth.org/627141.html. Thanks for reading
Author Name:
digthewriter
Prompt Number and/or Title: “I think you travel to search and you come back home to find yourself there.” ― Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie Originally written for the
slashorific fest on DW.
Fandom: Merlin
Pairing: Merlin/Arthur
Rating: PG-13
Medium or Word Count: ~1900
Genre(s): Canon AU. Fluff. Happy for now - ending.
Warnings/Content: Canon!divergent. Merlin/?? past relationship.
Summary: It takes a stranger to show you how he feels. It takes a stranger to show you what you could have missed.
Notes: I love the theme of this fest and glad I was able to participate. Thanks to my beta, V.
Arthur paced the halls waiting for Merlin's return. He didn't know why Merlin had just left in such haste and even though Arthur wasn't supposed to care, he did.
"Are you quite alright, Prince?" Gaius asked him every day.
And for the five weeks Merlin had been missing, Arthur knew he was anything but alright.
Yet, he nodded and moved on. Or, pretended to move on. Nothing was keeping to his mood. Not Morgana, her antics to rouse the Knights, and none of Arthur's usual women. He'd had them before, of course, and they'd been helpful when Arthur was having a difficult time dealing with his father but with Merlin - there was no doing. There was no changing him. There was nothing.
"I think he's gone off because he's trying to mend his broken heart," Gwen had told him casually.
Once upon a time, Arthur would have entertained the idea of coupling with Gwen but Merlin, of all people, had always been in the way. And now, she was with Leon. Arthur knew better than to steal a woman from his favourite Knight. If Merlin were there, he'd be proud of Arthur's maturity.
But that was the problem. Merlin was not there.
"When is he going to return?" Arthur shouted into the empty chambers, nearly forgetting he did have a servant there.
"Gaius, sire?" the boy said, shaking. "I thought he'd just-"
"What? No." Arthur paced his room until he flopped on his bed. "Who are you again?"
The boy told Arthur his name, but Arthur didn't register it. He wasn't going to need to know his name. The boy would be gone soon, anyway.
Wasn't he?
"Shall I massage your feet?" the boy asked, and Arthur snapped at him again. "It's in my instructions, Sire."
"What instructions?"
"The ones Merlin left for me."
"Merlin?"
"Yes…" the boy said, white as a ghost.
"Tell me more," Arthur said with an even tone, he didn't know why he was taking all his anger out at him. Of course, it had everything to do with the fact how Arthur was used to taking out all his anger at Merlin but Merlin was simply not around.
"I didn't find it right away, at first, your majesty. But, once I was cleaning one of your boots - which I later discovered were your favourite boots, I found this parchment. It had details of things to do to take care of you, and how to deal - apologies, sire - for lack of a better word, with your moods. And one of them was to massage your feet. Especially, after a long ride. I know you've been stressed-"
"You know nothing about me," Arthur snapped.
"Of-of course…Prince Arthur…and if you'd wish for me to leave…"
"What else did the instructions say?" Arthur asked and as the boy was about to read the parchment to Arthur, word by word, they were interrupted.
"Sorry to bother you," Morgana said with a bit of hysterical laughter.
"What is it?" Arthur snapped.
"Don't get agitated with me, dear Prince, It seems your favourite prince has returned."
"What?" Arthur shouted but it almost to be on deaf ears because Morgana had run away and the boy, whose name Arthur had still not learned, stood up to his feet.
"Merlin's back!" the boy said with delight, and then, he too was out the door.
*-*
Arthur paced the room as he refused to leave it. To leave his domain and greet Merlin. Who did Merlin really think he was? He was a servant. Arthur's servant, and Arthur was not going to go and be part of the pathetic welcoming party. Thank you very much.
He knew he'd have to eventually leave the confines of his quarters because he was getting hungry and it didn't seem like the boy was going to return. Or bring him dinner. He sighed and plopped down on his bed. Maybe he could simply fall asleep hungry. Father wasn't around. He'd gone off to make another peace treaty and he had said he wasn't impressed with Arthur's attitude of late so he wasn't going to rely on Arthur to smooth things over.
Brilliant, Arthur thought. Now I'm not even good enough for my kingdom.
"Talking to yourself again?"
Arthur sat up straight. Had he said that out loud? "Merlin," he acknowledged.
"Good, you still remember me," Merlin said with a grin, closing the door behind him.
They stared at each other for a while. Arthur was cross and Merlin looked-Arthur didn't know. He couldn't decipher the look on Merlin's face.
"Have a nice trip?"
Merlin bit his lower lip and looked away. "I… Sorry I left like that. Wasn't fair to leave things-"
"No, it wasn't fair," Arthur said, standing up and crossing the room to close the distance between them. "You didn't think about anyone else but yourself, now did you? Merlin."
"I'm sorry," Merlin said, looking down, and Arthur thought as though Merlin did really mean it. He truly was sorry.
"Why…why did you go away like that? Where did you go?" Arthur asked, angry still, but not raising his voice. He pushed on Merlin's shoulder until Merlin stumbled back and hit the door behind him.
"It was a personal matter."
"A personal matter?" Arthur repeated. "Had you told Gaius?" When Arthur asked, Merlin nodded. "But not me? Did you go and visit your mother?"
Merlin shook his head.
"Then what?"
"I…" Merlin took in a deep breath and then he raised his eyes to meet Arthur's. There was hurt there, Arthur could see, but he didn't understand.
"Was it me?" Arthur asked before he could even stop himself; before he even realised what he was saying.
"No, of course not, Arthur. It wasn't you. It was…me. And my stupid heart. And my stupid…decision."
"Merlin, I don't understand." Arthur didn't remove his hand from Merlin's shoulder and stepped closer. He needed to breathe the same air as him. He needed to be physically attached to Merlin. He didn't know what was wrong with him. He'd been angry, livid really, with Merlin, but now to see him genuinely upset, it bothered Arthur.
Arthur needed to fix this as soon as possible.
"I had a lover, did you know?" Merlin asked softly, his eyes not meeting Arthur's again.
Arthur's grasp on Merlin's shoulder tightened. "No," was all he said. "When?"
"For the past few months. He was a healer-apprentice. He'd come to study under Gaius, and had stayed with us for a while. At first, it was just friendship, but then there was more…I thought I'd meant something to him but…I was wrong."
"What did he do? Did he hurt you?" I'll kill him.
Merlin shook his head. "No, sire. I…not in any physical way. We grew quite close and we'd even talked about travelling together. But, I didn't know he was lying to me. He'd been lying to me the entire time. After his apprenticeship with Gaius was over, he was going to travel across the seas and be the head physician in some kingdom. It's what his destiny had been since the start. But it wasn't just that-wasn't just his job-"
Merlin looked away and Arthur pulled Merlin into an embrace. They'd never done this before and Arthur didn't know what he was doing but he was holding Merlin tight, his face buried in Arthur's neck, and Arthur wanted to keep him there for as long as possible.
"What else did he lie about?" Arthur asked softly, his lips against Merlin's hair. He wanted to do more; he wanted to do so much more. He had no idea he harboured this much desire to protect Merlin, to comfort him. His hands rubbed small circles on Merlin's back, hoping to soothe him.
"Marriage," Merlin said, his hot breath on Arthur's skin, making Arthur's cock stir in surprise.
"What?" Arthur asked, trying to sound angry, so Merlin wouldn't notice Arthur's physical reaction.
"He was betrothed. To another woman," Merlin said, standing up straight, and Arthur saw mist in Merlin's eyes, otherwise, he was staying rather stoic. Arthur wondered if Merlin had cried all the tears and now he didn't have any left for this other man.
"So you ran away?" Arthur asked, hating how angry and disappointed he sounded. "You could have told me."
"Right," Merlin said. "You would've made fun of me. Called me stupid for falling for someone I didn't know very well and-"
"I didn't know you very well when we first met."
"Yes, and you almost killed me," said Merlin. "And what does that have to do with anything?"
He was correct, obviously. It didn't have anything to do with what Merlin was saying. "Did I treat you poorly now? Did I not attempt to comfort you like a friend?"
Merlin nodded. "You did. Thank you. But it isn't necessary. I learned my lesson, and I realised during my trip-"
"That you took without permission," said Arthur.
Merlin rolled his eyes. "That I took without permission…that I didn't love him. Not truly. I was travelling, learning, meeting new people on my own, and I didn't need him. The idea of travelling with him sounded more promising but when I was alone…it wasn't he who I missed."
"But you missed someone?" Arthur asked; and wasn't he just so pathetic?
"Yes. I missed…my life here…" Merlin said slowly. "Believe it or not, I missed being your servant." Then he snorted in disbelief.
They were still standing close; closer than they'd ever been, but Arthur didn't mind the distance between them. It seemed neither did Merlin. And then Arthur had to really think about what Merlin was saying. He missed being home. Was it possible he missed Arthur?
"So did you learn anything while you were away?" Arthur made a face, as if he were expecting Merlin to reveal some wisdom. It was better to insult him anyway-far better than to admit what was going through him.
"May I?" Merlin asked, as if he'd read Arthur's thoughts and he knew exactly what Arthur was thinking - He raised his hand and threaded his fingers through Arthur's hair.
"Very well," Arthur said, sounding bored. He was anything but. Merlin wanted to touch him, and in a way, provide his own comfort to Arthur.
Merlin smiled and then his fingers grazed Arthur's scalp, massaging a little, and exploring Arthur's head at the same time. They'd never done anything like this before, but Arthur wasn't about to tell Merlin to stop. His fingers felt like magic; and Arthur leaned into the touch.
"I think I went on this journey to search - for what? I don't know. But I've come back home and found myself here."
Arthur opened his eyes, not realising he'd closed them. "Home," he said.
"You're my home, Arthur. When I was out there, travelling from village to village, talking or helping people, I missed being next to you. I wanted you there with me. I didn't want to be alone because I missed him. I missed…us."
"You are my home, Merlin," replied Arthur and kissed Merlin.
This entry was originally posted at https://digthewriter.dreamwidth.org/627141.html. Thanks for reading