My Marriage philosophy

[dieseldawn]

Over cakes this afternoon my colleagues were ribbing me about being a newly-wed. They asked if the honeymoon period was over and whether we started bickering yet.

z: No it's still awesome
them: So you're not scolding him and giving him hell?
z: No, why would i?
them: because you're married!
z: don't be silly! He's my property, why on earth would

Comments

[anonymous]

hehe, i don't know that newlyweds are really the experts on marriage. speaking as one myself.

[dieseldawn]

yeah i ain't no expert on marraige either, but i'm an expert in being a newlywed and this is the deal!

[kopibren]

maybe they're joking about the bickering?

happy couples are good!

[dieseldawn]

i've been speaking to quite a few people and there are:

1) newly weds who bicker and are having a hard time in their 1st year of marraige

2) people who have been married for too long (like my colleagues) and are amazed that wives are nice to their husbands

3) happily married couples

4) new mothers who haven't had alone time with their husbands since the baby was born - v sad

i really don't want to turn into 1, 2, and 4!

[babyflite]

Hopefully we both belong to group 3! :) But seriously, I dont get why people think you should be giving your husband hell after marriage.

[dieseldawn]

i guess those in group one are those who stop taking care of themselves, get really fat, stop having sex, you know the deal, start taking the man for granted because they are married and he can't run away!

then they start NAGGING, and taking control over his life, and stop him from doing the things he loves...

[lustre]

back home, where people don't traditionally live together before marriage, I can understand why people would expect some bickering during the first year of marriage. I bickered a bit with the bf when we first moved in togther too, but it was always about silly little things like leaving dishes in the sink overnight (I can't stand that) and leaving the lights on in a room when no one is in there (he can't stand that).

But that's got to do with two people getting used to each other. I reckon some people get married and expect their partners to magically shed all the 'bad habits' that they have. Then of course, silly expectations that are not met with makes one filled with frustration. lack of sex too. heh.

I'm hoping we all won't turn to grp 1,2 and 4.

[dieseldawn]

well, there is always an adjustment period- heaven knows i know!! But there is no need to be uncivilised about it. What's wrong with debate, negotiation and conflict resolution? We all have these suite of skills from work, so it's not that people turn into impolite creatures at home.. or do they?

Anyway, i've learnt that (mainly from my mother) that nagging and shouting doesn't produce consistent results. Much better with attracting and rewarding good behaviour.

[lustre]

People are always more polite to strangers.. or not stangers per se, but people whom are not family peharps. I've been guilty of that sometimes.. beng short with (usually) my mom and the bf after having a bad day at work. But, if I had a bad day at home, I can usually keep myself in check with the colleagues. Like how I would say 'excuse me' to a stranger but shove my cousin out of the way. Weird this, and I have been conscientiously correcting this.

Although, I have to agree, positive reinforcement is one good way in harmony at home. Secretly doing that now and it works! At least that's the one good thing that came out of watching Oprah.

[dieseldawn]

if i feel very comfortable with someone, i will be more rude with them, like i will help myself to their chips and when they come over i will expect them to make their own cups of tea - i.e be one of the family.

but i think i will never yell at them unless i find myself in a real fight. i tend to get drawn into arguments instead of starting them.

it's prob cause i grew up in a family where everyone was so dam bloody emotional and there was shouting (positive/negative) around the dinner table every night. Then there was always someone who went beyond the line and really hurt peoples' feelings. I have no time for that!

I told P recently (when he was being bad) - "how you act towards people in times of crisis shows your strength of character." heh.