Fic for comtesse_sin: Ten Reasons to Love Bikini Girls
Whee! I'm first! :)
Title: Ten Reasons to Love Bikini Girls
Author: lupinslittlesis
Recipient comtesse_sin
Prompt: Some sort of explanation for why screamingly-homo!Sirius had pictures of scantily clad Muggle women on his bedroom walls.
Warnings or notes:"> Ten interconnected but still independent drabbles.
1.
"Kreacher, hold this here, please."
The house-elf looked disapprovingly at the paper that Regulus was pinning against the wall. "Mistress will be most displeased, Master. Such filth."
"Well, that's the point, isn't it, Kreacher?" Regulus said with a grin. "Mother will be most displeased. But not at me. It's not my room that's going to be covered in mostly unclad Muggle women. It's Sirius. And he deserves it, after what he said."
Kreacher nodded enthusiastically. "Master Regulus is right."
"I knew you'd see it my way, Kreacher. Now, watch your hands, because Sirius is never going to get this down."
2.
"SIRIUS BLACK! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?"
Sirius rounded the corner and burst into his room, only to be confronted by a large-bosomed woman in a pink bikini with white polka-dots. He stared at her, but she didn't move under his gaze. Muggle, unclothed, and blonde to boot. And his mother was standing beside her, furiously snorting steam out of her nose.
A smile cracked his face.
"I'm sure you know, Mother," he said lazily. "I'm a growing boy, with a growing boy's needs. I put these up here for… visual aid during times of duress."
His mother screamed.
3.
"I don't understand," Peter said when Sirius told him about the posters. "Why didn't you blame Regulus? It would have been the perfect opportunity to piss off your mother and get him into trouble. I would have."
Sirius scowled. "It only looks that way. But he used a Permanent Sticking Charm which, brilliant as I am, I've yet to be the first one to discover how to undo it. Besides, pissing off my mother is far more important than getting that toerag into trouble. Why should I let him take all the credit for what was admittedly a great idea?"
4.
"They are quite fit," James admitted, the one time he visited Sirius at Grimmauld Place. "But it would've been even funnier if you'd put up men."
Sirius studiously avoided James's eyes, even though he'd known for weeks that James probably guessed. "Not really."
"Why not?"
"Because she ridicules them enough," Sirius said. "And it's hard enough hearing what she has to say about Muggles. I don't want to hear what she has to say about poofs, too."
"You care?" James asked incredulously.
Sirius shrugged. "Of course not," he said defiantly. "Why should I?"
But they both knew he was lying.
5.
Sirius was lying on his bed staring at the ceiling when Alphard came in. He didn't even realize it until he heard his uncle laughing.
"What?"
"How does my dear sister Walburga react to these charming ladies?"
"On the rare occasions she does enter my room, she screams at me for the rest of the afternoon," Sirius said with a shrug. "But ever since they were hung, she rarely enters my room anymore."
"Well, that's one way to get your privacy."
Sirius thought of the advanced Transfiguration textbooks he'd been studying and smiled smugly. "Bikini girls do have their uses."
6.
Sirius's father hadn't entered his room in years, and Sirius wasn't pleased to see him in there now, although the way he was staring at the girlie posters would probably be good for blackmail. "What do you want?" he demanded.
His father jumped, but composed himself quickly. "I am tired of listening to your mother complain about these… abominations. Take them down. Now."
"No. They're inspiration."
"Inspiration?"
Sirius affected a campy lisp. "Haven't I told you, Father, that I've always dreamed of becoming a Muggle swimwear designer?"
It was a good thing that Sirius was quite proficient with Shield Charms.
7.
When Sirius entered his hated family home, he thought he'd at least have privacy. That illusion was shattered when he walked into the place, and the portraits all turned their heads to see who had finally ended their years of isolation and solitude, and then broke into furious whispers and outright insults.
Sirius fled to his boyhood room, where the Muggle posters of girls in bikinis still stared down at him with vacant eyes. A sliver of peace shafted his tormented soul. The girls were like old friends, familiar and comfortable. And, unlike every other portrait in this place, silent.
8.
The door opened, and a suitcase dropped to the floor. "Hello," Remus said, his voice weary and his eyes shadowed.
"So you found the place, then?"
"You weren't lying about your parents," Remus groaned. "But this place is still like a palace compared to where I spent last night."
Sirius chewed on his cheek, because he and Remus had had this argument about Dumbledore too many times already. Remus didn't notice, he was to busy looking around the room.
And then he began to laugh, and the laughter lit up his eyes and took years off his face.
Sirius smiled.
9.
Molly Weasley was a good woman and a wonderful cook, but she was too nosy. Remus said she wasn't, she was just using laundry and cleaning as a distraction, but Sirius didn't care. He didn't like her in his- their- room. He wasn't ashamed, but this was private. This was his.
He didn't mean to eavesdrop, but he was standing on the stairs when Molly was laughing about it. "He's thirty-five years old and still has centerfolds on his walls. It never ends, does it?"
It might have been insulting, but Sirius was perversely glad that his secret was safe.
10.
Harry never came up to the room when Sirius was alive, but he did after Sirius's death. Sirius was grateful that he did, because his room was one of the few legacies he'd left for Harry.
He knew that when Harry saw the posters he understood. Oh, not everything. Harry had never known anything about Sirius being gay or Sirius loving Remus, and Sirius preferred it that way. And Harry certainly never knew that Regulus hung the posters in the first place. But Harry knew the rebellion and passion and ideals that Muggle bikini girls embodied, and Sirius was glad.
Title: Ten Reasons to Love Bikini Girls
Author: lupinslittlesis
Recipient comtesse_sin
Prompt: Some sort of explanation for why screamingly-homo!Sirius had pictures of scantily clad Muggle women on his bedroom walls.
Warnings or notes:"> Ten interconnected but still independent drabbles.
1.
"Kreacher, hold this here, please."
The house-elf looked disapprovingly at the paper that Regulus was pinning against the wall. "Mistress will be most displeased, Master. Such filth."
"Well, that's the point, isn't it, Kreacher?" Regulus said with a grin. "Mother will be most displeased. But not at me. It's not my room that's going to be covered in mostly unclad Muggle women. It's Sirius. And he deserves it, after what he said."
Kreacher nodded enthusiastically. "Master Regulus is right."
"I knew you'd see it my way, Kreacher. Now, watch your hands, because Sirius is never going to get this down."
2.
"SIRIUS BLACK! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?"
Sirius rounded the corner and burst into his room, only to be confronted by a large-bosomed woman in a pink bikini with white polka-dots. He stared at her, but she didn't move under his gaze. Muggle, unclothed, and blonde to boot. And his mother was standing beside her, furiously snorting steam out of her nose.
A smile cracked his face.
"I'm sure you know, Mother," he said lazily. "I'm a growing boy, with a growing boy's needs. I put these up here for… visual aid during times of duress."
His mother screamed.
3.
"I don't understand," Peter said when Sirius told him about the posters. "Why didn't you blame Regulus? It would have been the perfect opportunity to piss off your mother and get him into trouble. I would have."
Sirius scowled. "It only looks that way. But he used a Permanent Sticking Charm which, brilliant as I am, I've yet to be the first one to discover how to undo it. Besides, pissing off my mother is far more important than getting that toerag into trouble. Why should I let him take all the credit for what was admittedly a great idea?"
4.
"They are quite fit," James admitted, the one time he visited Sirius at Grimmauld Place. "But it would've been even funnier if you'd put up men."
Sirius studiously avoided James's eyes, even though he'd known for weeks that James probably guessed. "Not really."
"Why not?"
"Because she ridicules them enough," Sirius said. "And it's hard enough hearing what she has to say about Muggles. I don't want to hear what she has to say about poofs, too."
"You care?" James asked incredulously.
Sirius shrugged. "Of course not," he said defiantly. "Why should I?"
But they both knew he was lying.
5.
Sirius was lying on his bed staring at the ceiling when Alphard came in. He didn't even realize it until he heard his uncle laughing.
"What?"
"How does my dear sister Walburga react to these charming ladies?"
"On the rare occasions she does enter my room, she screams at me for the rest of the afternoon," Sirius said with a shrug. "But ever since they were hung, she rarely enters my room anymore."
"Well, that's one way to get your privacy."
Sirius thought of the advanced Transfiguration textbooks he'd been studying and smiled smugly. "Bikini girls do have their uses."
6.
Sirius's father hadn't entered his room in years, and Sirius wasn't pleased to see him in there now, although the way he was staring at the girlie posters would probably be good for blackmail. "What do you want?" he demanded.
His father jumped, but composed himself quickly. "I am tired of listening to your mother complain about these… abominations. Take them down. Now."
"No. They're inspiration."
"Inspiration?"
Sirius affected a campy lisp. "Haven't I told you, Father, that I've always dreamed of becoming a Muggle swimwear designer?"
It was a good thing that Sirius was quite proficient with Shield Charms.
7.
When Sirius entered his hated family home, he thought he'd at least have privacy. That illusion was shattered when he walked into the place, and the portraits all turned their heads to see who had finally ended their years of isolation and solitude, and then broke into furious whispers and outright insults.
Sirius fled to his boyhood room, where the Muggle posters of girls in bikinis still stared down at him with vacant eyes. A sliver of peace shafted his tormented soul. The girls were like old friends, familiar and comfortable. And, unlike every other portrait in this place, silent.
8.
The door opened, and a suitcase dropped to the floor. "Hello," Remus said, his voice weary and his eyes shadowed.
"So you found the place, then?"
"You weren't lying about your parents," Remus groaned. "But this place is still like a palace compared to where I spent last night."
Sirius chewed on his cheek, because he and Remus had had this argument about Dumbledore too many times already. Remus didn't notice, he was to busy looking around the room.
And then he began to laugh, and the laughter lit up his eyes and took years off his face.
Sirius smiled.
9.
Molly Weasley was a good woman and a wonderful cook, but she was too nosy. Remus said she wasn't, she was just using laundry and cleaning as a distraction, but Sirius didn't care. He didn't like her in his- their- room. He wasn't ashamed, but this was private. This was his.
He didn't mean to eavesdrop, but he was standing on the stairs when Molly was laughing about it. "He's thirty-five years old and still has centerfolds on his walls. It never ends, does it?"
It might have been insulting, but Sirius was perversely glad that his secret was safe.
10.
Harry never came up to the room when Sirius was alive, but he did after Sirius's death. Sirius was grateful that he did, because his room was one of the few legacies he'd left for Harry.
He knew that when Harry saw the posters he understood. Oh, not everything. Harry had never known anything about Sirius being gay or Sirius loving Remus, and Sirius preferred it that way. And Harry certainly never knew that Regulus hung the posters in the first place. But Harry knew the rebellion and passion and ideals that Muggle bikini girls embodied, and Sirius was glad.