Touchy, Feely

[dh2_sockpuppet]

Title: Touchy, Feely
Characters and/or pairings: Lord Voldemort, Mundungus Fletcher, Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy
Word count: 2500
Rating: PG-13
Highlight for Warnings: *dark humor, violence, CAPSLOCK!Voldemort*
Summary and/or prompt: Lord Voldemort’s social skills leave something to be desired.

Comments

[snegurochka_lee]

*dying*

OMG this is brilliant. There is far too little humour fic in HP these days! Totally genius, this one. The image of Lucius and Narcissa kind of trying to help a passed out Voldie sit up again, omg. And the end, hahaha. :D :D :D

[magnetic_pole]

Heh. What do you do with an ailing Dark Lord, after all? I mean, it's hard to recommend a Pepper Up potion or a nice cup of tea, isn't it? *smile*

Thanks for reading, L! M.

[kellychambliss]

I love this! CAPSLOCK!Voldy is hilarious and yet chilling enough (especially later in the story) that we clearly see the evil of his banality.

Lines I laughed at --

creates an unpleasant sensation not unlike being trapped inside a turban for months on end, listening to first-years massacre the summoning charm.

Alecto summoning the ziti!

Lucius. . .murmurs something about someone needing a little time alone.

Does Severus truly think that that his half-arsed occlumancy is shielding a single one of his passing desires for the warmth of his bed, or for a cup of tea, or for a nice, long wank? (You shudder.)
The DL may shudder, but I laughed aloud.

Narcissa has her wand out beneath her own dining room table, flicking as she surreptitiously scourgifies the dirty boots of her assembled guests.

After the first fervor has passes, after the the masks and robes are purchased and the Marks scab and heal
Haha -- The downsides of consumerism affect even wizards.

And troll Mundungus is great. "Can I simply order you to leave?"One can almost

[magnetic_pole]

Clowns to the left of him, jokers to the right...here he is, stuck in the middle with Mundungus. Perfect.

Exactly! No wonder he's so frustrated.

In the books, there's this wonderful sense of the famous Order really being a motley band of misfits, and it amuses me to think of the Death Eaters being the same. (The alternative is just too frightening.) Thanks for reading, K! M.

[secretsolitaire]

One can almost feel sorry for the poor megalomaniac. Clowns to the left of him, jokers to the right...here he is, stuck in the middle with Mundungus. Perfect.

This comment made me laugh almost as much as the fic did.

[miss_morland]

"One-quarter troll," Mundungus says, slapping his backside energetically. "Thick skinned."

*dies*

This is hilarious -- what a perfect explanation for that bizarre hug (I laughed so hard at that when watching the film!). Love Voldemort's thought processes, especially in lines like this one:

How long does this need to last? Is he loyal to you now? Your back is getting sore.

Thanks so much for picking this prompt! :-D

[magnetic_pole]

I winced a bit at the hug in the movie, but it wasn't until I saw your prompt that I realized just how awful and nonsensical and oddly hilarious it really was. What were they *thinking?*

Thanks for reading, Miss M! M.

[squibstress]

Ah, the sorrows of management. I felt quite sorry for the fellow, you know. It really is impossible to get competent, much less good, help these days.

I wonder if "management by hugging" is the new "management by walking around"?

Brilliantly done. Funny and horrifying at the same time.

[magnetic_pole]

I wonder if "management by hugging" is the new "management by walking around"?

Hee! I'd never heard that phrase before, but now that I've looked it up, exactly. If you had to hear about it in a management book, it's going to be a disaster. *smile* Thanks for reading, S! I hope you don't mind if I friend you? M.

[squibstress]

Sorry to be late in responding (was on vacation with the Squiblets.)

Friend away; will add you, too!

[magnetic_pole]

Welcome back! Shall friend you now (always easier when you know the welcome mat's out). M.

[westernredcedar]

This is hysterical!
The meeting/dinner gathering with the ziti has to be my favorite part, all those half-arsed followers barely staying awake. And you did a great job of keeping the tone funny, even when he is murderous with Mundungus or remembering killing a child, which turns the whole thing extra horrific and dark in a wonderful way.
Loved it.

[magnetic_pole]

The whole thing is just awful if you think about it for more than a few seconds, you know? *shudders* But I thought the ziti might make everything a bit funnier. Thanks, C. M.