Compunctious
Don’t feel. Don’t feel. Don’t feel!
It was a familiar mantra inside of his head as he smiled on the outside. No one would have guessed that he harboured such a dead heart. A heart whose voice was constantly crushed by will alone. A will that knew such feelings would make everything so much more complicated.
It had started when he nearly died. Well, saying he nearly died is a bit biased, he was only attacked at the doors of the Black Order, damaged and then had to face Komiu’s dreaded parasitic healing therapy. Nope didn’t nearly die at all! He chuckled inwardly.
He remembered, back then, his heart had been able to feel, if only slightly. A sharp ba-thump registered as he was bestowed with a look upon that man’s face. Such sharp beautiful features, uncaring and frozen. But he knew better, Allen knew better. There was a softness in those eyes, he had seen it later in Mattel; a softness that belayed that same harsh voice and its derogatory terms.
He would close his eyes back then, and wonder about the feeling of that man’s hair. Was it soft? Silky? He wanted to touch him, or rather, be touched by him.
Stirring up those memories gave Allen an unusual feeling. He squashed them once more, burying them into the recesses of his mind. There could be no good coming from having such feelings, and nothing in the future could have been good if he ever expressed them. He wasn’t as successful back then though. Not when he found the other one.
That lazy looking eye and perpetually looking as though he just got out of bed, the red head caught him by surprise has he laid in his sick bed. His face only betrayed his shock, not the blush he was fighting back. Not the stirring in his loins, or the sudden decrease in breathable air that wasn’t infested with that man’s scent.
He fantasized about him, how that talkative mouth could be used elsewhere. Wondering if his skin would feel like it was on fire with simple touches.
Ruthlessly Allen once again shut down the awakening of his heart by such memories. He could not dwell on them, would not dwell on them. His heart wanted them, but his mind said different. He trusted his mind more than his heart. He knew without a doubt, that he would leave behind tears.
If he told them, he would leave behind shredded hearts, gut wrenching sobs and forsaken love.
It was better if he didn’t tell anyone, not even himself anymore, just what he felt.
Auginiste
That was his fate.
His terrible fate.
----
“DON’T CALL ME BY THAT NAME!” Allen was jerked awake from his hotel room bed by the sound of one very peeved Kanda. Blue tinted grey eyes blinked. He groaned, shuffling deeper into the bed and pulling the covers over his head in a lame attempt to block out the sound.
“But Yuu-chaaaaa~aaan!” Allen pulled the pillow over his head. It was too early in the morning.
“Actually it’s 10 o’clock Allen.” A voice whispered to him, as Krory jerked the bed sheets down and looked at him with that knowing look. Allen sighed, wondering how Krory always knew when he couldn’t sleep.
“I’m okay. Don’t worry.” He smiled warmly at the vampire who nodded and gestured to get up. Allen merely groaned and attempted to dive under the sheets once more. A pittance that Lavi seemed unable to let him.
“Aaaalleeeeeeen-kUn!” when did lavi grow faerie wings and land on his bed?
“hnnn… five more minutes?”
“But the others are waiting for us downstairs! Don’t you want… breakfast?”
“I’M UP!” If there was one thing Allen and his twisted fake heart could never say no too, was food. Food in any form was all yummy. So long as it was him eating it at least. In world record speed (1.0034 seconds) Allen was dressed and flying down the Hotel stair wells and into the dinning area. He drooled at the sight of the buffet, and proceeded to load 4 plates full of anything he could reach.
“Foooooooooood, uuuggrgguggg.g….” more drool. Allen didn’t pay any attention to the rather fascinated and disgusted looks he got his way as he gobbled up the food on his way to their table, and then ended up going back for more just 5 minutes later. He eventually made 3 trips to the buffet table, drooling on his food and blocking everything else out.
“Che, moyashi don’t die if your choke.” Allen met smouldering eyes. Something of his twitched down below in response but he buried the feeling and glared.
“Quiet! You’re not a parasitic type!” he pouted, going to Linali for comfort, and she in turn scolded Kanda. Linali now understood the hunger associated with parasitic types, seeing as hers turned into one.
“Oh Ha! That makes me wonder where you even put it all moyashi-chan!” Allen looked affronted.
“Where else? My stomach.” Lavi grinned and Linali chuckled whilst Krory was day dreaming, Miranda (who Allen just noticed was at the table) was smiling and Bookman was…. Well being Bookman. Kanda merely glared and excused himself.
Their group was a large one. It consisted of every exorcist still alive baring Hevleska. Who knew where the Generals were, but he knew his Shishou Cross brought back a woman yesterday and couldn’t be bothered to get up today. Allen mentally sighed.
Their destination was Sibera, their purpose? Well, the Earl and his crew were operating in Sibera now. No one really wanted to admit or say out loud what they were doing. If they said it, it would become more real than it already was.
“Oh? Is everyone gathered then? I have news.” Heads turned to General Teidoll who had just sprouted up from behind Bookman, nearly giving the old man a heart attack.
“We’ll be traveling by dog-sled to our destination, then by snow shoe the rest of the way. Klaud has procured some indigenous furs for warmth. She’s in her room now so go see her. Okay? Good kids…” Teidoll smiled warmly, but Allen got the impression he was high on dope instead. In this dismal setting, everyone was trying to cope the way they thought best. Allen was of the belief that Teidoll was a drug addict.
“Oh? Allen-Kun, can you come with me to make sure that our guides are….safe?” Allen blinked at being addressed, but nodded nonetheless. He gathered his coat and layered himself in every piece of clothing he owned before heading out with the drug add- he meant General Teidoll.
It was blistering cold out, Allen could almost feel himself freezing indefinitely, his limbs were slower and he groaned. Teidoll sent him a worried look but he trudged on, heading to the outside of the town they were in, to see several dog-sleds and pups rearing to go. Allen activated his eye under the cover of his coat and scanned each man tending to the pups, the pups themselves and the surrounding area.
“It’s clear, General sir.” Allen muttered, and the artist nodded, gesturing for them to return to their hotel. Allen followed with relief. He hated the cold. He despised its very existence. He puffed warm breath on his triple gloved fingers to try and get feeling into them with little luck.
Allen had hardly any time to relax and get warm before Klaud swathed him in fur and sent him out with the others again, to the dog-sleds. He could hear Sokalo’s constant grumblings and angry words as they clambered onto the passenger seats of the sleds, 3 persons a piece.
To his chagrin, Lavi was behind him and Kanda behind him. Don’t think. Don’t feel. Everything will be alright then. Allen shuddered.
“Cold, Moyashi-chan?”
“f-free-zzzing.” The white haired exorcist managed to stutter out. His limbs thoroughly frozen over. Lavi placed his hands on Allen’s arms and rubbed them up and down quickly and repeatedly. Allen sighed, friction caused warmth.
“Thanks…”
“You’re welcome, moyashi-chan!” Allen wanted to bash his head though; Lavi was too close, and far too loud. Good thing they were behind him. The Sled suddenly jerked, and they were off.
“’m gunna sleep for awhile. K?”
“Sure, I’ll wake you when we’re there.”
“tch.”
Blankness.
----
“Allen!” said albino jerked awake, startled at Lavi’s concerned voice. He turned slightly to look at him, ignoring the chill of harsh winter wind diving into the folds of his clothing.
“What?”
“Storm! We’re taking cover over there, and making some snow caves. Gotta be awake, k?” Lavi looked at him with that one piercing green eye. Allen nodded in understanding, taking stock of the fact that the winds were blowing harshly, it was snowing excessively as well.
He could barely make out the other sleds, and he could just hear the barks of the other dogs. Allen wanted to move, he really did, but he was frozen solid. Their guide had to help him up and order the pups to stay with him for warmth while he and the two exorcists created one large snow cave for the dogs and guide, and a smaller cave for the three exorcists. Lavi helped him into their cave, his stiff limbs protesting the entire way.
There was a Bunsen burner providing warmth, and Kanda was already sitting down on one side, hugging mugen. Lavi placed him closest to the burner and sat down himself, looking outside. There was silence, so Allen let his thoughts drift.
Auginiste.
His acknowledgement of this started way back in Mattel. When he fought that level 2 Akuma, the Pierrot. But he looked more like Harlequin, the clown. The story of Harlequin and Pierrot was simple. Both loved the same woman, the woman chose Harlequin. But it wasn’t the Akuma that scared Allen, rather the message its existence proved.
Auginiste.
The scenario of Auginiste centered around 2 clowns. The black clown and the white clown are the Auguste and the Whiteface clown two court jesters whose job was to please the king. The two clowns would always fight to survive, and fight one another for the right to live.
However, neither one realizes that their survival is pivotal to each other. Both inadvertently help the other. Therefore it is simple. When one dies, so will the other. It was a fate he could not escape. He was the white clown with the crown, the Whiteface. The Earl was the black clown Auguste. Both had swords with equal powers, inverted and enemies to each other.
Both needed the other to live.
Without Humans, Akuma could not be created. Without exorcists the world would become overpopulated and civilization would crumble.
Without the Earl, Allen has no reason to live. He lives only for what the Earl produces and the ingredients used. Akuma and humans. No more Akuma? Allen has no reason to live, his purpose would be void.
They were God’s Clowns in his own circus.
What a pitiful existence.
Allen jerked away from those self-decapitating thoughts and became aware of two pairs of eyes watching him. He looked up, significantly warmer than before and met two smoking gazes and 3 eyes. He gulped.
“N-nani?” He questioned, looking back and forth from Lavi and Kanda who seemed to be engrossed in him.
“Allen-kun… are you a virgin?” Allen’s eyes popped out of his skull. What! Of all things Lavi could have asked… what!?
“…buh?”
“hehe! Judging by your expression you are! Which means Yuu-chan wins the bet!” the swordsman smirked and Allen got a bad feeling about where this was heading. He stared at Kanda.
“You….” He couldn’t really form any coherent thoughts at the moment, especially not when Lavi was suddenly by his side.
“Ne…Allen-kun…” hot breath ghosted over his ear, Allen’s entire body stiffened. W-what was going on? There was a hand shifting the layers of his clothing. It wasn’t Lavi’s hand either.
“Have you… ever wondered….?” Yes, Yes Allen had. His breath hitched and Kanda smirked, removing buttons and fabric letting the cold in before warm breath met a nipple and Allen when “oh.” and wide eyed.
Allen could feel Lavi smiling in the crook of his neck and shoulder and a warm tongue licked the exposed flesh. Allen made a small noise in his throat which turned into a hearty moan when Kanda suckled his nipple.
“gah… haah….” There was a fierce blush on the boy's face now, hands groping everywhere on his body a pair of lips attached to his neck, a pair of lips kissing down to the hem of his pants before each layer was viciously removed. Allen squeaked, it was so damn cold!
But oh! That mouth. “Ahhh… nnn… ha….” He panted; Kanda was licking him, like a lollipop. Allen had never felt so hard in his entire life he would have watched if his own lips hadn’t been claimed by a skilful tongue. That thick muscle slid over his own and into his mouth tasting every crevice it could find, playfully teasing his own tongue.
Then, Allen screamed into Lavi’s mouth as a searing heat engulfed him down below. His cheeks were red, his eyes half lidded and Kanda sucked. Another screaming moan was muffled by Lavi’s lips. He couldn’t breath. Death by sexual suffocation. Lavi let him go, Allen gasping for air, his lungs heaving, turning his gaze to his own hardened length disappearing into Kanda’s mouth.
Suddenly, it wasn’t so cold anymore. Lavi had found his other nipple, and Allen wound his hand into his hair.
“Ah… Ha…….Haaaa….” a slick pop and Kanda slithered his body up on Allen’s and suckled a nipple. Allen whined, shifted and trashing. Lips tongue and teeth slammed into him suddenly. Kanda’s kiss was demanding, perfection. It was quick and deep, leaving Allen dizzy against the snow cave wall.
“Sa… I wonder who gets to take your virginity now?” Kanda smirked, and Lavi growled. There was a challenge in the air as the two dominating exorcists glared at one another.
“I do. I’m more experienced.”
“tch. Says who?” Kanda challenged. Allen watched the match back and forth, realizing he was getting cold again, and his cock weeping. He had an idea. It would hurt, but it would be oh so worth it.
“How…. How about…” two heads looked at him.
“How about… both….” He was still panting, still blushing heavily, eyes clouded over with lust; his mind had shut down long ago, running on instinct now. Lavi and Kanda suddenly got bloody noses.
Both? At the same time?
“… sexy…Strike!” Kanda said nothing after Lavi, his eyes penetrating, his own breath quickened as a testament to how much that idea agreed with him.
“Ah… both… same time… in me.” Allen loved their expressions, going from shocked, to horny, to… well… something lovingly beyond that. Allen choked a moan when a hand fisted him.
He was manoeuvred around onto his knees, Lavi behind him and Kanda in front, stealing another mind altering kiss. Allen didn’t know where Lavi had stored the oil, or where he got it from, but there was a finger… just… there. He shuddered and the feeling in an intrusion he up until then only ever dreamed about.
Lavi moved his finger in and out before adding another slicked one, Allen’s breath hitched and Kanda rocked him backwards onto those fingers. It didn’t hurt per say, but it was uncomfortable. The hand on his cock tightened, and the all thoughts of what Lavi was doing fled from his mind as he made out with Kanda before him.
He felt a nip to his shoulder as Lavi bit him, trusting in another finger. Allen choked, it was painful, and a sharp sting had developed. Lavi and Kanda stilled allowing Allen to breath, to calm and relax before Lavi thrust those oil slick fingers once more.
“gah!... ha…” tongue lips and teeth nibbled at his neck whilst another set mirrored the action on the other side of this neck. Lavi took his time at this stage, preparing him fully before even adding the fourth finger. It still hurt, more so than ever. Allen buried his face into Kanda’s shoulder, tears starting to develop in his eyes.
Lavi left his shoulder alone and traveled downward licking away the pain and continued to stretch and scissor his fingers within the hot confines of Allen’s body. The thumb was added, and Allen screamed, Kanda swiftly silencing him with his mouth and quickening the pace on his cock while Allen held onto him dear life.
It hurt. It was so painful being stretched that far. Allen didn’t think he’d make it. He was going to split in to. And so he told them.
“Gunna… Split me…… apart… Gah!” he saw stars.
“Hoh? Is that where it is then….” Lavi’s fist was fully inside of Allen, his entire arm slicked with oil and fingers and fist met that spongy material within Allen.
“That… Allen Walker… is called your prostate. Wonderful, isn’t it?” Allen was gasping, Kanda’s low lusty voice made his skin tingle. His nails dug into the swordsman’s back earning a growling hiss and another fantastic kiss.
Lavi pulled his fast back, and trust once more and Allen screamed, pain and pleasure mixed he rocked backwards, seeking that fist and letting out a disheartened cry with it was removed.
“Be careful Yuu… he’s bleeding a bit…”
“che.”
Allen didn’t care; he was far too gone to care. All he knew was that he wanted them in him. Now. And he wasn’t disappointed either, something hot slid into him with pathetic ease and Allen bit back a moan. Lavi was in him. In him it felt so damn good. Kanda pushed Allen away from him, onto Lavi’s bare chest and the two of them leaning up against the rock that had served as one side of their snow cave.
When had Lavi removed his clothing? That thought abandoned him the moment Kanda started to strip before his eyes. His thick pulsating member twitched at the sight. Smooth flawless skin marred only by the scars of combat. A large, long and thick phallus greeted him. Allen wanted to lick it, but Kanda had other plans.
“Oh gods…” Allen cried as Kanda’s body pushed him further against Lavi and a thumb pulled his rim apart some more. Kanda was pushing his way inside. It was too tight. Too hot. Bodies pressed against him. Lavi had both his legs spread apart to the sides and raised. Kanda grunted, sheathing himself fully inside of Allen’s body.
It was hurting again. He was too full. He was coming apart at the seams.
“Relax moyashi…” that sexy and low lusty voice spoke in his ear.
“Don’t clench up, relax and it won’t hurt.” Easy for Lavi to say, really. Allen couldn’t think. Only feel. He couldn’t move, he was sandwiched. He didn’t know how long they stayed in that position but it was long enough for his two seme’s to perspire from the effort needed in restraint.
Allen didn’t care how much it would hurt anymore.
“Move…. God damn you… move!” he screamed. They obeyed. Kanda and Lavi steadied his body and then moved. Lavi pulled out slowly, whiles kanda trust in sharp and quickly, punching that wonderful button of Allens, earning another scream that crawled at their skin and set their hormones on fire.
Lavi suddenly slammed into him as Kanda pulled out slowly. As lavi spastically jerked in and out of him fast hard and passionately, Kanda did the reverse going slow and steady.
All Allen saw, was white orgasmic bliss and a scream that belted out as he clawed Kanda’s back red. The two groaned as suddenly everything couldn’t move. They were encased so tightly together within the albino boy. Snarling, the red head trust once more, with the swordsman in toe, riding Allen’s orgasm and grinding into one another.
Allen felt himself getting hard again, before even coming out of the post orgasm. Everything was tender, everything was on fire. Every touch was as he dreamed it to be. He forcibly trusts downward, greedily taking both cocks into him even more and moaning heavily.
“Gah! Haaa! …. Hn Ha! More!” Allen brought up his human hand and pinched his own nipple, reaching out with his head and biting Kanda’s neck he heard the man gasp and then growl. He started a hicky there, pulling back only to capture Lavi’s lips as both picked up the pace within his slick passage and Allen came again.
He bit Lavi’s lip, causing it to bleed. Allen lapped the blood up like a kitten making the red head blush heavily as he and Kanda once again road their uke’s orgasm.
“Oh fucking gods….” Lavi gasped into Allen’s pale skin. The heated chasm that swallowed him and Yuu was clenching at odd moments, forcing loud grunts from Kanda and moans from Lavi. Allen screamed again as he painted for a third time Kanda’s chest in lovely pearl liquid. So sexy. So hot. So tight.
Lavi let out a shout as he came, jerking in rhythm to Yuu’s thrusts as he let everything out. Allen was trembling as Lavi pulled out of him with a silly ‘squilch.’ The red head watched with fascination as his silly albino clawed at the swordsman in utter rapture.
“More...” he breathed. “Harder….nnn… ahh! K-Ka… Kan…”
“Say my name, moyashi.” Kanda grunted, hip snapping and loud smack noises increased as Kanda upped his pace once more in out in out punching that spot repeatedly that sent Allen into an exhausted frenzied while Lavi held him up.
“Gah.. Yuu! Please!” Allen begged and Kanda’s eyes darkened. He liked it when Allen begged. With a harsh growl he came, spilling entirely into Allen as Lavi had done. A few more thrusts he was a spent as the other two and he pulled out of the white haired boy.
Allen with that dangerously flushed face, glassy eyes and cum covered genitalia was utterly edible. Kanda and Lavi got once again bloody noses at the sight. Allen looked drenched in sin and thoroughly debauched. He also, couldn’t move. His pants sounded pained with over usage of his lungs but it wasn’t as if he didn’t like it.
All three just eventually collapsed sideways, too tired to move or function other than to breathe.
“Don’t think I’ll be able to walk…” Allen joked, earning one snort and a childish giggle. It was the only thing he could say. He couldn’t say anything else. This adventure already made his heart betray him again. Any more words and the effect would be disastrous.
It would be better, if he said nothing at all. He wasn’t going to tell them, they were going to regret it.
“I…..” no…! no don’t say anything! Keep silent! “I….”
----
“Allen!” Huh? Grey-blue eyes opened. Wait.. where was he? The dog sled? But wasn’t he in the snow cave?
“Allen? You awake there moyashi-chan?” Allen peered over his shoulder and nearly gave himself away at seeing lavi still in his furs.
“Ahh..” he answered instead, looking confused. Lavi blinked and then grinned sheepishly.
“I told you I’d wake you when we get there, right? You’ve been asleep since we all set out this morning, Moyashi-chan!” Allen nodded turning back to stare forward and think.
His evil heart had betrayed him. It was a dream. A stupid dream. He scowled, his expression no doubted being mistakenly directed at the weather. He pictured a flaming dagger and a beating heart, and then plunged the dagger into it, destroying it ruthlessly while he smiled on the outside.
He wanted to cry. Everything was so unfair. He was going to die, and it was unfair. Allen bit his lip and shifted, using the cold to deaden his arousal as well. Having feelings for two people was unfair. Knowing your going to die was unfair. Knowing he couldn’t dwell on ‘what if’ for fear of regret was unfair.
“Oi! We’re there!” Linali’s voice called out from another dog sled. The skies were clear, Allen noted. There was no storm insight. A part of him, long since ignored, wished there had been a storm.
‘There’ was a small indigenous village located high up in the artic circle, within a mountain range known was Gory Byrranga, with the Ozero Taymyr Lake to the South east and the Kara Sea ahead of them. Allen sighed. It was snowy, snow every where in the middle of winter and 40 degrees below zero. It was cold. The Innocent within him kept him warm up until a certain temperature. And for that, he was grateful for crowned clown.
Tomorrow, they would set out for the Chukcha Meteorite crater where there….. There he didn’t want to think about. He refused to think about it. It would be painful and Allen was not a fan of anything painful. He sighed, walking stiffly into the fur hut and onto one of the beds the locals were sparing for them. He collapsed into the warm furs and slept.
He wanted to run, run far away. His Innocent pulsed angrily at the thought, and his eye caused him pain. Allen gasped for breath, trying to soothe away the worries.
“I won’t run… don’t worry…” his curse and innocence calmed. But it was the calm before a storm, Allen knew.
----
They were all fighting now. They had hardly gotten to the crater when things just spiralled out of control. Klaud was guarding Miranda who had everyone in her Time Recovery technique and thus was vital to ensuring their survival.
Sokalo had taken on the two levels 4 Akumas by himself, Cross and his corpse had taken Tyki Mikk. Teidoll was engaging Jasdebi. Linali, Krory, Bookman and Chaoji had taken on Rhode while he was fighting the earl.
Lavi, Kanda and Marie were attempting to help him, with little success. They just couldn’t keep up with the fast passed battle.
“Crown Belt!” Allen called out, forming large spikes off his body causing the Earl to back pedal away least he be impaled.
A blast of dark magic was the response and Allen ducked, dodging to the side while firing off a Cross Grave that the Earl only narrowly escaped from. He rushed forward as the Earl grabbed onto lero.
“Edge’s End!” Allen didn’t stick around to see if he made it or not, which was a wise choice the moment the earl surged forward out of the resulting snowy cloud from the attack with his Sword in hand. Allen panted and cursed.
“sword of exorcism…” he murmured, as his left arm disintegrated into it’s new form. A chilly and cold wind blew before the launched themselves at one another, meeting with a loud fierce clang of metal on metal.
Clang. Crash! Sting.
Sparks flew as the blades met again and again, the Earl smiling broadly as he held out a hand pulsing with black magic. Allen’s eyes widened. This attack wasn’t aimed at him. Almost as if in slow motion, he turned his head and saw Lavi and Kanda, separated from Marie and directly in the path of-
The Earl fired.
Allen knew it was a trap, knew it was stupid but rushed in anyways. Allen never felt the impact of the Dark magic, instead, he felt his flesh be torn asunder as the Earl’s sword stabbed right through him. Right through his heart and Lung.
“A-Allen….” Wide green and black eyes.
“you Idoit!”
Allen coughed, blood splattering the ground and he smiled.
“If I didn’t, you’d be dead either way.” He managed to gasp out, as more precious life poured from his wounds and hacked up from his lungs into his mouth and onto the snow.
“W-why? We could have… defended ourselves….” As Lavi spoke, his voice got slower and quieter, staring in utter shock. It was as if the battle field had frozen. Allen chuckled.
“Who…. In their….. Right mind…. Wouldn’t…. save…. The people…. They love… the most?” Allen coughed some more gasping painfully as the Earl pulled his sword out.
Miranda’s technique removed the damaged done, if only for a while. Allen smiled at the Earl, who now bore a confused look at the seemingly deranged child.
“Moyashi….”
Allen lunged again, sword in hand and continued to battle the Earl with an intensity not seen before. Allen was already dead. He didn’t need to hold back foolishly anymore. His heart didn’t matter anymore, because Allen Walker was already dead.
He didn’t know how long it had been, it was well into the evening. He’d been fighting almost 12 hours now. He ‘died’ some time ago, every wound received he didn’t care about. He kept attacking ruthlessly. The Earl was sweating, seeing no end to this.
Well, the Earl wouldn’t see an end to this. Allen had just cut the bastards head off.
----
There was a silence on the battle field as Allen walked across it, exorcists and Noah alike freezing at the sight of a bloodied albino child carrying a charcoal gray head in his claw like hand.
He stopped in the middle of the red snow and showed them the head. The Earl of Millennium was no longer smiling. He hadn’t any lips to do so.
The Noah clan fled.
----
“NO! I WON’T!” Miranda screamed at them, as all the battered exorcists gathered around her, attempting to cancel her technique. Only she and 3 others knew why she wouldn’t.
“Miranda-san, please your low enough as it is on energy…” Lianli reasoned.
“NO! IF I DO… if I do….ALLEN WILL DIE!” she shrieked, Lavi bit his lip and looked away while Kanda, tried to be stoic, but the slight trembling of his hands gave him away to Allen. Allen ignored the looks given his way.
“Idiot disciple…” came a warning tone. The white haired boy didn’t even respond. He walked to Miranda and took her by the shoulders, smiling expressively.
“Miranda.” She looked up at him. “I feel so blessed to have known you. Thank you for helping me save the world.” The words may have been corny, but to Miranda it made all the difference.
“noo…..n-no… No!”
Allen was walking away.
“Idoit! Where the hell do you think your going?!” Cross was attempting to go after him, but Sokalo and Teidoll held him back sadly. Allen ignored them, and kept walking.
“Allen!”
“Allen-kun!”
“Moyashi-chan!”
“Baka!”
“ALLEN!”
The boy stopped, just outside of Miranda’s time recovery. He turned slightly and smiled at them then stepped out of her field of Innocence. He took a few steps before the first of his injuries became apparent.
And then… he couldn’t feel at all. The ground came rushing up fast and the snow was turning red beneath him. He could hear screaming. He knew it wasn’t his own. Allen smiled. He did it; he died and kept his secret. Their sorrow would be minimal. They wouldn’t miss him much after a few years.
Ba-thump.
Ba-thump
Ba-
He was gone.
Heaven, Allen decided, was the pits. It was nice, his Heaven was a chapel, but the feeling was cold. There wasn’t any warmth to it. The sun rose if he wanted it too, and the Sun set if he wanted it too.
If he wanted a puppy, he’d get one in any imaginable species to play with. That was a lot of dogs. Allen sighed. Then there was the Mother. She was just a person, another spirit like him that took shape and form however which way he wanted her too. The first day she came, Allen didn’t know what to do. All she said was ‘come with me.’ His feet carried him.
She took him to others his age. And they spoke. The talked of many things, unburdening themselves of their past. And when he came back to his chapel, there was a man there. In a top hat, sitting in the 14th pew.
“Mana….?”
“Allen…” the man stood, approaching him. It was Mana. Mana was real. He was here, he was tangible.
“Mana!” he hugged his father tightly, never letting go. The man and his broken voice chuckled. And they talked, talked about things Allen never would have shared had he been alive. Mana listened and told him things too. But since then, Mana had not come to visit.
Heaven was the pits, because it was so lonely here.
----
“Yuu… I can’t sleep.”
3 days. It had been 3 days since Allen Walker had keeled over and died. They were already back at headquarters. No one wanted to stay with the corpse for too long so the journey had been swift.
It had also been 3 days since Kanda Yuu had stopped talking. That in itself wasn’t saying much. But he wouldn’t say a word, to anyone. Did Allen, to whom Kanda hated with a passion, really have that much affect? Lavi didn’t know.
“Yuu…..” The swordsman as expected didn’t answer him in words. He merely shuffled back on his bed, and Lavi in his pyjamas tucked himself in next to him. Lavi didn’t say anything; instead the strong brave red head broke down into tears. Kanda sighed, rolling over and bring Lavi close to him, holding him as the man cried.
3 days, and this had become their routine.
4 more days until Allen’s body would be burned, according to the will the boy left behind. The fact that he had a will startled them.
Kanda didn’t believe that his and Lavi’s routine would change at all in the coming months. Bookman though he may be, Lavi still had a heart that was crying.
----
Time here had no meaning for Allen, it was almost as if he existed outside of time. That was until he found the window. In his chapel, there was a stained glass window depicting the virgin marry. When he touched it, on a whim he was showed real time. He was showed those in the Order as they went about their daily lives.
Allen sat within a pew and watched fascinated. Ignoring the calls of the Mother and instead staying within his Chapel, forgetting everything else.
“Linali… I know it hurts…” Allen watched as Komiu tried to comfort his sister. She was inconsolable though. Allen felt his eyes drift downward. His passing hurt her.
“Show me Cross.” He commanded his window, and the scene changed. There was his shishou, sitting on the floor with... a glass of water? Maria was outside her coffin, standing beside him limply.
“Maria…. He’s gone…. Everyone I love is gone. I never got to tell him… I even made the adoption legal… damnit… why! Why does this always happen!” Cross’s voice was breaking, and Allen hadn’t the heart to continue to watch. Cross… made him his son?
“Show me….. Jerry.” Allen said on a whim, smiling at the thought of the cook. The mirror showed him the funnily dressed man was cooking reverently, dishes after dishes of his favourite’s none-stop. Even if no one ate them. Allen smiled.
“Show me Miranda.”
He was surprised to see the woman training with Klaud Nine. He was intrigued so he watched as she defended herself before launching an offensive attack that he didn’t think she was capable of doing. He blinked.
“Miranda-san, I think you should quit for today-”
“No! I won’t… I won’t let it happen again. I won’t let anymore tragedies like Allen happen again. The Noah clan are still out there. They still have the means of producing Akuma. I have to get better!” The brunet woman looked to be having a break down.
“Okay Miranda-san… let’s keep going.” Klaud said softly.
Allen smiled at his friend’s determination. Allen decided he had enough of watching them today, and slipped into a restless sleep dreaming of nothing and everything.
----
When Allen woke again, his Heavenly chapel was the same. It was as if he had never slept. No dust gathered, the sun was in the same position in the sky. The same empty loneliness that scared him.
“Window, show me... show me… them” he commanded softly. The Window flashed white and he was met with the vision of Kanda and Lavi sitting on a bed. Or rather Lavi was sitting, and Kanda was standing, getting ready for something.
“Their going to burn his body today.” Lavi stated. Kanda nodded and Allen frowned. Why hadn’t Kanda said anything?
“Just 15 minutes from now. Whosh! He’ll go up in flames…Yuu…. Yuu I can’t.. I can’t do this!” Kanda stared at Lavi and shook his head with a sigh. He grabbed the red’s hand and hauled him up without word and hugged him.
When was Kanda soft? When did Kanda forsake speech? Allen felt his resolve breaking.
“Lavi…. Kanda… “ Allen broke down crying, kneeling before the virgin marry stained glass window which had reverted back to itself.
“I wanted… to tell you so bad… but I couldn’t… I couldn’t. I didn’t want to know love like this because I knew… I knew I was going to die. I didn’t want you to know love like mine… because I was going to leave you. It would have been unfair… so unfair to you. I’d rather have you go through ‘what if’…. Than to spend your entire lives wondering why? Feeling only half complete.
It never even crossed my mind you wouldn’t love me back. I could see it… you know? In your eyes. In Mattel and in Krory’s castle. I could see it; you felt just the way I did. But it was unfair. I’m sorry…. Yuu… Lavi… I’m so sorry….”
For the first time since Allen Walker had set foot on the property of the black order, he let loose the fleeting emotions of his heart. The ones he tried so unsuccessfully to burry and forget.
----
Allen’s will had stated he wanted a very old and ancient way of funeral. He wanted a funeral pyre, similar to the Greeks and Trojans used for royalty. 7 days or mourning, 7 nights of festivity to remember the life of someone. And on the seventh day they would light the pyre and cremate the body.
So in the largest church the Black Order owned in Headquarters, with priests and finders, as well as exorcists and head commanders gathered. They finally lit the pyre. 3 quarters up on the pyre the torch was thrown and some 200 people watched in silence as the wood and straw caught fire.
----
ba-thump
Ba-Thump
BA-THUMP
Allen gasped, feeling his chest. He had gotten used to the feeling of no heart-beat. So how could this be!
BA-THUMP Allen whimpered, clawing at his chest trying to alleviate the pressure building there. He didn’t hear the Mother’s footsteps running towards him. He didn’t hear Mana’s concerned voice. His senses had dulled to non-existent.
Somehow… when even being in heaven… he was dying again. Was God punishing him? Was he going to hell? The pressure in his chest was becoming unbearable.
Time stilled, and then everything burst. The pressure in his chest suddenly snapped and Allen’s eyes widened before he let out an earth shattering Scream.
----
“This is it… isn’t it…” Linali spoke softly in Komiu’s arms as they watched the flames lick higher, catching the straw matt that Allen’s body rested on.
Lavi was sitting on the ground, looking pale and pathetic with Kanda standing slouched and unseeing beside him. The roar of the flames became louder as the crackle of splitting wood echoed around the otherwise silent room.
And then….
Someone was screaming on top of the pyre.
Loud, gut wrenching screams.
Kanda Yuu’s eyes widened.
“ALLEN!”
~Fini~ (until the epilogue)
side note: I'll try and do some editing when I'm not so tired.
Edit: Hi, I'm new. nice to meet you all. o.O
It was a familiar mantra inside of his head as he smiled on the outside. No one would have guessed that he harboured such a dead heart. A heart whose voice was constantly crushed by will alone. A will that knew such feelings would make everything so much more complicated.
It had started when he nearly died. Well, saying he nearly died is a bit biased, he was only attacked at the doors of the Black Order, damaged and then had to face Komiu’s dreaded parasitic healing therapy. Nope didn’t nearly die at all! He chuckled inwardly.
He remembered, back then, his heart had been able to feel, if only slightly. A sharp ba-thump registered as he was bestowed with a look upon that man’s face. Such sharp beautiful features, uncaring and frozen. But he knew better, Allen knew better. There was a softness in those eyes, he had seen it later in Mattel; a softness that belayed that same harsh voice and its derogatory terms.
He would close his eyes back then, and wonder about the feeling of that man’s hair. Was it soft? Silky? He wanted to touch him, or rather, be touched by him.
Stirring up those memories gave Allen an unusual feeling. He squashed them once more, burying them into the recesses of his mind. There could be no good coming from having such feelings, and nothing in the future could have been good if he ever expressed them. He wasn’t as successful back then though. Not when he found the other one.
That lazy looking eye and perpetually looking as though he just got out of bed, the red head caught him by surprise has he laid in his sick bed. His face only betrayed his shock, not the blush he was fighting back. Not the stirring in his loins, or the sudden decrease in breathable air that wasn’t infested with that man’s scent.
He fantasized about him, how that talkative mouth could be used elsewhere. Wondering if his skin would feel like it was on fire with simple touches.
Ruthlessly Allen once again shut down the awakening of his heart by such memories. He could not dwell on them, would not dwell on them. His heart wanted them, but his mind said different. He trusted his mind more than his heart. He knew without a doubt, that he would leave behind tears.
If he told them, he would leave behind shredded hearts, gut wrenching sobs and forsaken love.
It was better if he didn’t tell anyone, not even himself anymore, just what he felt.
Auginiste
That was his fate.
His terrible fate.
----
“DON’T CALL ME BY THAT NAME!” Allen was jerked awake from his hotel room bed by the sound of one very peeved Kanda. Blue tinted grey eyes blinked. He groaned, shuffling deeper into the bed and pulling the covers over his head in a lame attempt to block out the sound.
“But Yuu-chaaaaa~aaan!” Allen pulled the pillow over his head. It was too early in the morning.
“Actually it’s 10 o’clock Allen.” A voice whispered to him, as Krory jerked the bed sheets down and looked at him with that knowing look. Allen sighed, wondering how Krory always knew when he couldn’t sleep.
“I’m okay. Don’t worry.” He smiled warmly at the vampire who nodded and gestured to get up. Allen merely groaned and attempted to dive under the sheets once more. A pittance that Lavi seemed unable to let him.
“Aaaalleeeeeeen-kUn!” when did lavi grow faerie wings and land on his bed?
“hnnn… five more minutes?”
“But the others are waiting for us downstairs! Don’t you want… breakfast?”
“I’M UP!” If there was one thing Allen and his twisted fake heart could never say no too, was food. Food in any form was all yummy. So long as it was him eating it at least. In world record speed (1.0034 seconds) Allen was dressed and flying down the Hotel stair wells and into the dinning area. He drooled at the sight of the buffet, and proceeded to load 4 plates full of anything he could reach.
“Foooooooooood, uuuggrgguggg.g….” more drool. Allen didn’t pay any attention to the rather fascinated and disgusted looks he got his way as he gobbled up the food on his way to their table, and then ended up going back for more just 5 minutes later. He eventually made 3 trips to the buffet table, drooling on his food and blocking everything else out.
“Che, moyashi don’t die if your choke.” Allen met smouldering eyes. Something of his twitched down below in response but he buried the feeling and glared.
“Quiet! You’re not a parasitic type!” he pouted, going to Linali for comfort, and she in turn scolded Kanda. Linali now understood the hunger associated with parasitic types, seeing as hers turned into one.
“Oh Ha! That makes me wonder where you even put it all moyashi-chan!” Allen looked affronted.
“Where else? My stomach.” Lavi grinned and Linali chuckled whilst Krory was day dreaming, Miranda (who Allen just noticed was at the table) was smiling and Bookman was…. Well being Bookman. Kanda merely glared and excused himself.
Their group was a large one. It consisted of every exorcist still alive baring Hevleska. Who knew where the Generals were, but he knew his Shishou Cross brought back a woman yesterday and couldn’t be bothered to get up today. Allen mentally sighed.
Their destination was Sibera, their purpose? Well, the Earl and his crew were operating in Sibera now. No one really wanted to admit or say out loud what they were doing. If they said it, it would become more real than it already was.
“Oh? Is everyone gathered then? I have news.” Heads turned to General Teidoll who had just sprouted up from behind Bookman, nearly giving the old man a heart attack.
“We’ll be traveling by dog-sled to our destination, then by snow shoe the rest of the way. Klaud has procured some indigenous furs for warmth. She’s in her room now so go see her. Okay? Good kids…” Teidoll smiled warmly, but Allen got the impression he was high on dope instead. In this dismal setting, everyone was trying to cope the way they thought best. Allen was of the belief that Teidoll was a drug addict.
“Oh? Allen-Kun, can you come with me to make sure that our guides are….safe?” Allen blinked at being addressed, but nodded nonetheless. He gathered his coat and layered himself in every piece of clothing he owned before heading out with the drug add- he meant General Teidoll.
It was blistering cold out, Allen could almost feel himself freezing indefinitely, his limbs were slower and he groaned. Teidoll sent him a worried look but he trudged on, heading to the outside of the town they were in, to see several dog-sleds and pups rearing to go. Allen activated his eye under the cover of his coat and scanned each man tending to the pups, the pups themselves and the surrounding area.
“It’s clear, General sir.” Allen muttered, and the artist nodded, gesturing for them to return to their hotel. Allen followed with relief. He hated the cold. He despised its very existence. He puffed warm breath on his triple gloved fingers to try and get feeling into them with little luck.
Allen had hardly any time to relax and get warm before Klaud swathed him in fur and sent him out with the others again, to the dog-sleds. He could hear Sokalo’s constant grumblings and angry words as they clambered onto the passenger seats of the sleds, 3 persons a piece.
To his chagrin, Lavi was behind him and Kanda behind him. Don’t think. Don’t feel. Everything will be alright then. Allen shuddered.
“Cold, Moyashi-chan?”
“f-free-zzzing.” The white haired exorcist managed to stutter out. His limbs thoroughly frozen over. Lavi placed his hands on Allen’s arms and rubbed them up and down quickly and repeatedly. Allen sighed, friction caused warmth.
“Thanks…”
“You’re welcome, moyashi-chan!” Allen wanted to bash his head though; Lavi was too close, and far too loud. Good thing they were behind him. The Sled suddenly jerked, and they were off.
“’m gunna sleep for awhile. K?”
“Sure, I’ll wake you when we’re there.”
“tch.”
Blankness.
----
“Allen!” said albino jerked awake, startled at Lavi’s concerned voice. He turned slightly to look at him, ignoring the chill of harsh winter wind diving into the folds of his clothing.
“What?”
“Storm! We’re taking cover over there, and making some snow caves. Gotta be awake, k?” Lavi looked at him with that one piercing green eye. Allen nodded in understanding, taking stock of the fact that the winds were blowing harshly, it was snowing excessively as well.
He could barely make out the other sleds, and he could just hear the barks of the other dogs. Allen wanted to move, he really did, but he was frozen solid. Their guide had to help him up and order the pups to stay with him for warmth while he and the two exorcists created one large snow cave for the dogs and guide, and a smaller cave for the three exorcists. Lavi helped him into their cave, his stiff limbs protesting the entire way.
There was a Bunsen burner providing warmth, and Kanda was already sitting down on one side, hugging mugen. Lavi placed him closest to the burner and sat down himself, looking outside. There was silence, so Allen let his thoughts drift.
Auginiste.
His acknowledgement of this started way back in Mattel. When he fought that level 2 Akuma, the Pierrot. But he looked more like Harlequin, the clown. The story of Harlequin and Pierrot was simple. Both loved the same woman, the woman chose Harlequin. But it wasn’t the Akuma that scared Allen, rather the message its existence proved.
Auginiste.
The scenario of Auginiste centered around 2 clowns. The black clown and the white clown are the Auguste and the Whiteface clown two court jesters whose job was to please the king. The two clowns would always fight to survive, and fight one another for the right to live.
However, neither one realizes that their survival is pivotal to each other. Both inadvertently help the other. Therefore it is simple. When one dies, so will the other. It was a fate he could not escape. He was the white clown with the crown, the Whiteface. The Earl was the black clown Auguste. Both had swords with equal powers, inverted and enemies to each other.
Both needed the other to live.
Without Humans, Akuma could not be created. Without exorcists the world would become overpopulated and civilization would crumble.
Without the Earl, Allen has no reason to live. He lives only for what the Earl produces and the ingredients used. Akuma and humans. No more Akuma? Allen has no reason to live, his purpose would be void.
They were God’s Clowns in his own circus.
What a pitiful existence.
Allen jerked away from those self-decapitating thoughts and became aware of two pairs of eyes watching him. He looked up, significantly warmer than before and met two smoking gazes and 3 eyes. He gulped.
“N-nani?” He questioned, looking back and forth from Lavi and Kanda who seemed to be engrossed in him.
“Allen-kun… are you a virgin?” Allen’s eyes popped out of his skull. What! Of all things Lavi could have asked… what!?
“…buh?”
“hehe! Judging by your expression you are! Which means Yuu-chan wins the bet!” the swordsman smirked and Allen got a bad feeling about where this was heading. He stared at Kanda.
“You….” He couldn’t really form any coherent thoughts at the moment, especially not when Lavi was suddenly by his side.
“Ne…Allen-kun…” hot breath ghosted over his ear, Allen’s entire body stiffened. W-what was going on? There was a hand shifting the layers of his clothing. It wasn’t Lavi’s hand either.
“Have you… ever wondered….?” Yes, Yes Allen had. His breath hitched and Kanda smirked, removing buttons and fabric letting the cold in before warm breath met a nipple and Allen when “oh.” and wide eyed.
Allen could feel Lavi smiling in the crook of his neck and shoulder and a warm tongue licked the exposed flesh. Allen made a small noise in his throat which turned into a hearty moan when Kanda suckled his nipple.
“gah… haah….” There was a fierce blush on the boy's face now, hands groping everywhere on his body a pair of lips attached to his neck, a pair of lips kissing down to the hem of his pants before each layer was viciously removed. Allen squeaked, it was so damn cold!
But oh! That mouth. “Ahhh… nnn… ha….” He panted; Kanda was licking him, like a lollipop. Allen had never felt so hard in his entire life he would have watched if his own lips hadn’t been claimed by a skilful tongue. That thick muscle slid over his own and into his mouth tasting every crevice it could find, playfully teasing his own tongue.
Then, Allen screamed into Lavi’s mouth as a searing heat engulfed him down below. His cheeks were red, his eyes half lidded and Kanda sucked. Another screaming moan was muffled by Lavi’s lips. He couldn’t breath. Death by sexual suffocation. Lavi let him go, Allen gasping for air, his lungs heaving, turning his gaze to his own hardened length disappearing into Kanda’s mouth.
Suddenly, it wasn’t so cold anymore. Lavi had found his other nipple, and Allen wound his hand into his hair.
“Ah… Ha…….Haaaa….” a slick pop and Kanda slithered his body up on Allen’s and suckled a nipple. Allen whined, shifted and trashing. Lips tongue and teeth slammed into him suddenly. Kanda’s kiss was demanding, perfection. It was quick and deep, leaving Allen dizzy against the snow cave wall.
“Sa… I wonder who gets to take your virginity now?” Kanda smirked, and Lavi growled. There was a challenge in the air as the two dominating exorcists glared at one another.
“I do. I’m more experienced.”
“tch. Says who?” Kanda challenged. Allen watched the match back and forth, realizing he was getting cold again, and his cock weeping. He had an idea. It would hurt, but it would be oh so worth it.
“How…. How about…” two heads looked at him.
“How about… both….” He was still panting, still blushing heavily, eyes clouded over with lust; his mind had shut down long ago, running on instinct now. Lavi and Kanda suddenly got bloody noses.
Both? At the same time?
“… sexy…Strike!” Kanda said nothing after Lavi, his eyes penetrating, his own breath quickened as a testament to how much that idea agreed with him.
“Ah… both… same time… in me.” Allen loved their expressions, going from shocked, to horny, to… well… something lovingly beyond that. Allen choked a moan when a hand fisted him.
He was manoeuvred around onto his knees, Lavi behind him and Kanda in front, stealing another mind altering kiss. Allen didn’t know where Lavi had stored the oil, or where he got it from, but there was a finger… just… there. He shuddered and the feeling in an intrusion he up until then only ever dreamed about.
Lavi moved his finger in and out before adding another slicked one, Allen’s breath hitched and Kanda rocked him backwards onto those fingers. It didn’t hurt per say, but it was uncomfortable. The hand on his cock tightened, and the all thoughts of what Lavi was doing fled from his mind as he made out with Kanda before him.
He felt a nip to his shoulder as Lavi bit him, trusting in another finger. Allen choked, it was painful, and a sharp sting had developed. Lavi and Kanda stilled allowing Allen to breath, to calm and relax before Lavi thrust those oil slick fingers once more.
“gah!... ha…” tongue lips and teeth nibbled at his neck whilst another set mirrored the action on the other side of this neck. Lavi took his time at this stage, preparing him fully before even adding the fourth finger. It still hurt, more so than ever. Allen buried his face into Kanda’s shoulder, tears starting to develop in his eyes.
Lavi left his shoulder alone and traveled downward licking away the pain and continued to stretch and scissor his fingers within the hot confines of Allen’s body. The thumb was added, and Allen screamed, Kanda swiftly silencing him with his mouth and quickening the pace on his cock while Allen held onto him dear life.
It hurt. It was so painful being stretched that far. Allen didn’t think he’d make it. He was going to split in to. And so he told them.
“Gunna… Split me…… apart… Gah!” he saw stars.
“Hoh? Is that where it is then….” Lavi’s fist was fully inside of Allen, his entire arm slicked with oil and fingers and fist met that spongy material within Allen.
“That… Allen Walker… is called your prostate. Wonderful, isn’t it?” Allen was gasping, Kanda’s low lusty voice made his skin tingle. His nails dug into the swordsman’s back earning a growling hiss and another fantastic kiss.
Lavi pulled his fast back, and trust once more and Allen screamed, pain and pleasure mixed he rocked backwards, seeking that fist and letting out a disheartened cry with it was removed.
“Be careful Yuu… he’s bleeding a bit…”
“che.”
Allen didn’t care; he was far too gone to care. All he knew was that he wanted them in him. Now. And he wasn’t disappointed either, something hot slid into him with pathetic ease and Allen bit back a moan. Lavi was in him. In him it felt so damn good. Kanda pushed Allen away from him, onto Lavi’s bare chest and the two of them leaning up against the rock that had served as one side of their snow cave.
When had Lavi removed his clothing? That thought abandoned him the moment Kanda started to strip before his eyes. His thick pulsating member twitched at the sight. Smooth flawless skin marred only by the scars of combat. A large, long and thick phallus greeted him. Allen wanted to lick it, but Kanda had other plans.
“Oh gods…” Allen cried as Kanda’s body pushed him further against Lavi and a thumb pulled his rim apart some more. Kanda was pushing his way inside. It was too tight. Too hot. Bodies pressed against him. Lavi had both his legs spread apart to the sides and raised. Kanda grunted, sheathing himself fully inside of Allen’s body.
It was hurting again. He was too full. He was coming apart at the seams.
“Relax moyashi…” that sexy and low lusty voice spoke in his ear.
“Don’t clench up, relax and it won’t hurt.” Easy for Lavi to say, really. Allen couldn’t think. Only feel. He couldn’t move, he was sandwiched. He didn’t know how long they stayed in that position but it was long enough for his two seme’s to perspire from the effort needed in restraint.
Allen didn’t care how much it would hurt anymore.
“Move…. God damn you… move!” he screamed. They obeyed. Kanda and Lavi steadied his body and then moved. Lavi pulled out slowly, whiles kanda trust in sharp and quickly, punching that wonderful button of Allens, earning another scream that crawled at their skin and set their hormones on fire.
Lavi suddenly slammed into him as Kanda pulled out slowly. As lavi spastically jerked in and out of him fast hard and passionately, Kanda did the reverse going slow and steady.
All Allen saw, was white orgasmic bliss and a scream that belted out as he clawed Kanda’s back red. The two groaned as suddenly everything couldn’t move. They were encased so tightly together within the albino boy. Snarling, the red head trust once more, with the swordsman in toe, riding Allen’s orgasm and grinding into one another.
Allen felt himself getting hard again, before even coming out of the post orgasm. Everything was tender, everything was on fire. Every touch was as he dreamed it to be. He forcibly trusts downward, greedily taking both cocks into him even more and moaning heavily.
“Gah! Haaa! …. Hn Ha! More!” Allen brought up his human hand and pinched his own nipple, reaching out with his head and biting Kanda’s neck he heard the man gasp and then growl. He started a hicky there, pulling back only to capture Lavi’s lips as both picked up the pace within his slick passage and Allen came again.
He bit Lavi’s lip, causing it to bleed. Allen lapped the blood up like a kitten making the red head blush heavily as he and Kanda once again road their uke’s orgasm.
“Oh fucking gods….” Lavi gasped into Allen’s pale skin. The heated chasm that swallowed him and Yuu was clenching at odd moments, forcing loud grunts from Kanda and moans from Lavi. Allen screamed again as he painted for a third time Kanda’s chest in lovely pearl liquid. So sexy. So hot. So tight.
Lavi let out a shout as he came, jerking in rhythm to Yuu’s thrusts as he let everything out. Allen was trembling as Lavi pulled out of him with a silly ‘squilch.’ The red head watched with fascination as his silly albino clawed at the swordsman in utter rapture.
“More...” he breathed. “Harder….nnn… ahh! K-Ka… Kan…”
“Say my name, moyashi.” Kanda grunted, hip snapping and loud smack noises increased as Kanda upped his pace once more in out in out punching that spot repeatedly that sent Allen into an exhausted frenzied while Lavi held him up.
“Gah.. Yuu! Please!” Allen begged and Kanda’s eyes darkened. He liked it when Allen begged. With a harsh growl he came, spilling entirely into Allen as Lavi had done. A few more thrusts he was a spent as the other two and he pulled out of the white haired boy.
Allen with that dangerously flushed face, glassy eyes and cum covered genitalia was utterly edible. Kanda and Lavi got once again bloody noses at the sight. Allen looked drenched in sin and thoroughly debauched. He also, couldn’t move. His pants sounded pained with over usage of his lungs but it wasn’t as if he didn’t like it.
All three just eventually collapsed sideways, too tired to move or function other than to breathe.
“Don’t think I’ll be able to walk…” Allen joked, earning one snort and a childish giggle. It was the only thing he could say. He couldn’t say anything else. This adventure already made his heart betray him again. Any more words and the effect would be disastrous.
It would be better, if he said nothing at all. He wasn’t going to tell them, they were going to regret it.
“I…..” no…! no don’t say anything! Keep silent! “I….”
----
“Allen!” Huh? Grey-blue eyes opened. Wait.. where was he? The dog sled? But wasn’t he in the snow cave?
“Allen? You awake there moyashi-chan?” Allen peered over his shoulder and nearly gave himself away at seeing lavi still in his furs.
“Ahh..” he answered instead, looking confused. Lavi blinked and then grinned sheepishly.
“I told you I’d wake you when we get there, right? You’ve been asleep since we all set out this morning, Moyashi-chan!” Allen nodded turning back to stare forward and think.
His evil heart had betrayed him. It was a dream. A stupid dream. He scowled, his expression no doubted being mistakenly directed at the weather. He pictured a flaming dagger and a beating heart, and then plunged the dagger into it, destroying it ruthlessly while he smiled on the outside.
He wanted to cry. Everything was so unfair. He was going to die, and it was unfair. Allen bit his lip and shifted, using the cold to deaden his arousal as well. Having feelings for two people was unfair. Knowing your going to die was unfair. Knowing he couldn’t dwell on ‘what if’ for fear of regret was unfair.
“Oi! We’re there!” Linali’s voice called out from another dog sled. The skies were clear, Allen noted. There was no storm insight. A part of him, long since ignored, wished there had been a storm.
‘There’ was a small indigenous village located high up in the artic circle, within a mountain range known was Gory Byrranga, with the Ozero Taymyr Lake to the South east and the Kara Sea ahead of them. Allen sighed. It was snowy, snow every where in the middle of winter and 40 degrees below zero. It was cold. The Innocent within him kept him warm up until a certain temperature. And for that, he was grateful for crowned clown.
Tomorrow, they would set out for the Chukcha Meteorite crater where there….. There he didn’t want to think about. He refused to think about it. It would be painful and Allen was not a fan of anything painful. He sighed, walking stiffly into the fur hut and onto one of the beds the locals were sparing for them. He collapsed into the warm furs and slept.
He wanted to run, run far away. His Innocent pulsed angrily at the thought, and his eye caused him pain. Allen gasped for breath, trying to soothe away the worries.
“I won’t run… don’t worry…” his curse and innocence calmed. But it was the calm before a storm, Allen knew.
----
They were all fighting now. They had hardly gotten to the crater when things just spiralled out of control. Klaud was guarding Miranda who had everyone in her Time Recovery technique and thus was vital to ensuring their survival.
Sokalo had taken on the two levels 4 Akumas by himself, Cross and his corpse had taken Tyki Mikk. Teidoll was engaging Jasdebi. Linali, Krory, Bookman and Chaoji had taken on Rhode while he was fighting the earl.
Lavi, Kanda and Marie were attempting to help him, with little success. They just couldn’t keep up with the fast passed battle.
“Crown Belt!” Allen called out, forming large spikes off his body causing the Earl to back pedal away least he be impaled.
A blast of dark magic was the response and Allen ducked, dodging to the side while firing off a Cross Grave that the Earl only narrowly escaped from. He rushed forward as the Earl grabbed onto lero.
“Edge’s End!” Allen didn’t stick around to see if he made it or not, which was a wise choice the moment the earl surged forward out of the resulting snowy cloud from the attack with his Sword in hand. Allen panted and cursed.
“sword of exorcism…” he murmured, as his left arm disintegrated into it’s new form. A chilly and cold wind blew before the launched themselves at one another, meeting with a loud fierce clang of metal on metal.
Clang. Crash! Sting.
Sparks flew as the blades met again and again, the Earl smiling broadly as he held out a hand pulsing with black magic. Allen’s eyes widened. This attack wasn’t aimed at him. Almost as if in slow motion, he turned his head and saw Lavi and Kanda, separated from Marie and directly in the path of-
The Earl fired.
Allen knew it was a trap, knew it was stupid but rushed in anyways. Allen never felt the impact of the Dark magic, instead, he felt his flesh be torn asunder as the Earl’s sword stabbed right through him. Right through his heart and Lung.
“A-Allen….” Wide green and black eyes.
“you Idoit!”
Allen coughed, blood splattering the ground and he smiled.
“If I didn’t, you’d be dead either way.” He managed to gasp out, as more precious life poured from his wounds and hacked up from his lungs into his mouth and onto the snow.
“W-why? We could have… defended ourselves….” As Lavi spoke, his voice got slower and quieter, staring in utter shock. It was as if the battle field had frozen. Allen chuckled.
“Who…. In their….. Right mind…. Wouldn’t…. save…. The people…. They love… the most?” Allen coughed some more gasping painfully as the Earl pulled his sword out.
Miranda’s technique removed the damaged done, if only for a while. Allen smiled at the Earl, who now bore a confused look at the seemingly deranged child.
“Moyashi….”
Allen lunged again, sword in hand and continued to battle the Earl with an intensity not seen before. Allen was already dead. He didn’t need to hold back foolishly anymore. His heart didn’t matter anymore, because Allen Walker was already dead.
He didn’t know how long it had been, it was well into the evening. He’d been fighting almost 12 hours now. He ‘died’ some time ago, every wound received he didn’t care about. He kept attacking ruthlessly. The Earl was sweating, seeing no end to this.
Well, the Earl wouldn’t see an end to this. Allen had just cut the bastards head off.
----
There was a silence on the battle field as Allen walked across it, exorcists and Noah alike freezing at the sight of a bloodied albino child carrying a charcoal gray head in his claw like hand.
He stopped in the middle of the red snow and showed them the head. The Earl of Millennium was no longer smiling. He hadn’t any lips to do so.
The Noah clan fled.
----
“NO! I WON’T!” Miranda screamed at them, as all the battered exorcists gathered around her, attempting to cancel her technique. Only she and 3 others knew why she wouldn’t.
“Miranda-san, please your low enough as it is on energy…” Lianli reasoned.
“NO! IF I DO… if I do….ALLEN WILL DIE!” she shrieked, Lavi bit his lip and looked away while Kanda, tried to be stoic, but the slight trembling of his hands gave him away to Allen. Allen ignored the looks given his way.
“Idiot disciple…” came a warning tone. The white haired boy didn’t even respond. He walked to Miranda and took her by the shoulders, smiling expressively.
“Miranda.” She looked up at him. “I feel so blessed to have known you. Thank you for helping me save the world.” The words may have been corny, but to Miranda it made all the difference.
“noo…..n-no… No!”
Allen was walking away.
“Idoit! Where the hell do you think your going?!” Cross was attempting to go after him, but Sokalo and Teidoll held him back sadly. Allen ignored them, and kept walking.
“Allen!”
“Allen-kun!”
“Moyashi-chan!”
“Baka!”
“ALLEN!”
The boy stopped, just outside of Miranda’s time recovery. He turned slightly and smiled at them then stepped out of her field of Innocence. He took a few steps before the first of his injuries became apparent.
And then… he couldn’t feel at all. The ground came rushing up fast and the snow was turning red beneath him. He could hear screaming. He knew it wasn’t his own. Allen smiled. He did it; he died and kept his secret. Their sorrow would be minimal. They wouldn’t miss him much after a few years.
Ba-thump.
Ba-thump
Ba-
He was gone.
Heaven, Allen decided, was the pits. It was nice, his Heaven was a chapel, but the feeling was cold. There wasn’t any warmth to it. The sun rose if he wanted it too, and the Sun set if he wanted it too.
If he wanted a puppy, he’d get one in any imaginable species to play with. That was a lot of dogs. Allen sighed. Then there was the Mother. She was just a person, another spirit like him that took shape and form however which way he wanted her too. The first day she came, Allen didn’t know what to do. All she said was ‘come with me.’ His feet carried him.
She took him to others his age. And they spoke. The talked of many things, unburdening themselves of their past. And when he came back to his chapel, there was a man there. In a top hat, sitting in the 14th pew.
“Mana….?”
“Allen…” the man stood, approaching him. It was Mana. Mana was real. He was here, he was tangible.
“Mana!” he hugged his father tightly, never letting go. The man and his broken voice chuckled. And they talked, talked about things Allen never would have shared had he been alive. Mana listened and told him things too. But since then, Mana had not come to visit.
Heaven was the pits, because it was so lonely here.
----
“Yuu… I can’t sleep.”
3 days. It had been 3 days since Allen Walker had keeled over and died. They were already back at headquarters. No one wanted to stay with the corpse for too long so the journey had been swift.
It had also been 3 days since Kanda Yuu had stopped talking. That in itself wasn’t saying much. But he wouldn’t say a word, to anyone. Did Allen, to whom Kanda hated with a passion, really have that much affect? Lavi didn’t know.
“Yuu…..” The swordsman as expected didn’t answer him in words. He merely shuffled back on his bed, and Lavi in his pyjamas tucked himself in next to him. Lavi didn’t say anything; instead the strong brave red head broke down into tears. Kanda sighed, rolling over and bring Lavi close to him, holding him as the man cried.
3 days, and this had become their routine.
4 more days until Allen’s body would be burned, according to the will the boy left behind. The fact that he had a will startled them.
Kanda didn’t believe that his and Lavi’s routine would change at all in the coming months. Bookman though he may be, Lavi still had a heart that was crying.
----
Time here had no meaning for Allen, it was almost as if he existed outside of time. That was until he found the window. In his chapel, there was a stained glass window depicting the virgin marry. When he touched it, on a whim he was showed real time. He was showed those in the Order as they went about their daily lives.
Allen sat within a pew and watched fascinated. Ignoring the calls of the Mother and instead staying within his Chapel, forgetting everything else.
“Linali… I know it hurts…” Allen watched as Komiu tried to comfort his sister. She was inconsolable though. Allen felt his eyes drift downward. His passing hurt her.
“Show me Cross.” He commanded his window, and the scene changed. There was his shishou, sitting on the floor with... a glass of water? Maria was outside her coffin, standing beside him limply.
“Maria…. He’s gone…. Everyone I love is gone. I never got to tell him… I even made the adoption legal… damnit… why! Why does this always happen!” Cross’s voice was breaking, and Allen hadn’t the heart to continue to watch. Cross… made him his son?
“Show me….. Jerry.” Allen said on a whim, smiling at the thought of the cook. The mirror showed him the funnily dressed man was cooking reverently, dishes after dishes of his favourite’s none-stop. Even if no one ate them. Allen smiled.
“Show me Miranda.”
He was surprised to see the woman training with Klaud Nine. He was intrigued so he watched as she defended herself before launching an offensive attack that he didn’t think she was capable of doing. He blinked.
“Miranda-san, I think you should quit for today-”
“No! I won’t… I won’t let it happen again. I won’t let anymore tragedies like Allen happen again. The Noah clan are still out there. They still have the means of producing Akuma. I have to get better!” The brunet woman looked to be having a break down.
“Okay Miranda-san… let’s keep going.” Klaud said softly.
Allen smiled at his friend’s determination. Allen decided he had enough of watching them today, and slipped into a restless sleep dreaming of nothing and everything.
----
When Allen woke again, his Heavenly chapel was the same. It was as if he had never slept. No dust gathered, the sun was in the same position in the sky. The same empty loneliness that scared him.
“Window, show me... show me… them” he commanded softly. The Window flashed white and he was met with the vision of Kanda and Lavi sitting on a bed. Or rather Lavi was sitting, and Kanda was standing, getting ready for something.
“Their going to burn his body today.” Lavi stated. Kanda nodded and Allen frowned. Why hadn’t Kanda said anything?
“Just 15 minutes from now. Whosh! He’ll go up in flames…Yuu…. Yuu I can’t.. I can’t do this!” Kanda stared at Lavi and shook his head with a sigh. He grabbed the red’s hand and hauled him up without word and hugged him.
When was Kanda soft? When did Kanda forsake speech? Allen felt his resolve breaking.
“Lavi…. Kanda… “ Allen broke down crying, kneeling before the virgin marry stained glass window which had reverted back to itself.
“I wanted… to tell you so bad… but I couldn’t… I couldn’t. I didn’t want to know love like this because I knew… I knew I was going to die. I didn’t want you to know love like mine… because I was going to leave you. It would have been unfair… so unfair to you. I’d rather have you go through ‘what if’…. Than to spend your entire lives wondering why? Feeling only half complete.
It never even crossed my mind you wouldn’t love me back. I could see it… you know? In your eyes. In Mattel and in Krory’s castle. I could see it; you felt just the way I did. But it was unfair. I’m sorry…. Yuu… Lavi… I’m so sorry….”
For the first time since Allen Walker had set foot on the property of the black order, he let loose the fleeting emotions of his heart. The ones he tried so unsuccessfully to burry and forget.
----
Allen’s will had stated he wanted a very old and ancient way of funeral. He wanted a funeral pyre, similar to the Greeks and Trojans used for royalty. 7 days or mourning, 7 nights of festivity to remember the life of someone. And on the seventh day they would light the pyre and cremate the body.
So in the largest church the Black Order owned in Headquarters, with priests and finders, as well as exorcists and head commanders gathered. They finally lit the pyre. 3 quarters up on the pyre the torch was thrown and some 200 people watched in silence as the wood and straw caught fire.
----
ba-thump
Ba-Thump
BA-THUMP
Allen gasped, feeling his chest. He had gotten used to the feeling of no heart-beat. So how could this be!
BA-THUMP Allen whimpered, clawing at his chest trying to alleviate the pressure building there. He didn’t hear the Mother’s footsteps running towards him. He didn’t hear Mana’s concerned voice. His senses had dulled to non-existent.
Somehow… when even being in heaven… he was dying again. Was God punishing him? Was he going to hell? The pressure in his chest was becoming unbearable.
Time stilled, and then everything burst. The pressure in his chest suddenly snapped and Allen’s eyes widened before he let out an earth shattering Scream.
----
“This is it… isn’t it…” Linali spoke softly in Komiu’s arms as they watched the flames lick higher, catching the straw matt that Allen’s body rested on.
Lavi was sitting on the ground, looking pale and pathetic with Kanda standing slouched and unseeing beside him. The roar of the flames became louder as the crackle of splitting wood echoed around the otherwise silent room.
And then….
Someone was screaming on top of the pyre.
Loud, gut wrenching screams.
Kanda Yuu’s eyes widened.
“ALLEN!”
~Fini~ (until the epilogue)
side note: I'll try and do some editing when I'm not so tired.
Edit: Hi, I'm new. nice to meet you all. o.O