(Untitled)

[devilsmercy03]

For one of my first poems:

Guitars be beaten and gypsies dancing
All in a mid-nights masquerade.
In with his slap, her body snaps
And incense, smoking, rises.

Multi-glow neon and checkered stars lay
About a half-gloomed promenade.
Yet when at meet, neon cease beat
And eyes illuminate.

Blue beggars and hospiced hopefuls sleep

Comments

[hannahofthemist]

Hehehehe... I like it muchlies! <3

Hope you're having fun at school, kitten! <3

[stellamare]

It's a good poem. I write quite a lot of poetry myself and it is very easy to fall into the clichés.. However, I don't think you did!

[enbror_kun]

Cliché?
Clichés!?
If I only mastered one language like that..
I'd be a happier man!
Or would I?
Are there non-depressed poets?
Can 'intellectuals' be happy?
Argh, too late in the evening I say!

Who wrought that last piece btw?

And don't remind me about monday...
So, you'll be going back?
Having last year allover again ey?
Me: new class. New school. New town.
misery

from Michael F.

[anonymous]

Hey, pretty dandy verses you got there!
It flows well most of the time.
Imagery es bueno!