The Truth Is Hard To Swallow [Eight]
Title: The Truth Is Hard To Swallow [Eight]
Author: detourtoyou
Rating: NC-17 overall
Pairing: Jack/Alex
POV: 3rd
Summary: Of course the one time he decided to act his age, Alex would end up messing even that up. But in his defense, it was hard to act his age when he was faced with things so entirely beyond his age and maturity level, like a one-night decision that decided to follow him into the rest of his life.
Warning: Mpreg
Disclaimer: This is sadly false and a complete lie created by my mind. Title taken from Toxic Valentine by All Time Low.
A/N: So, this strangely super fast update can be credited to damnedifidoyah who got me super motivated to write this chapter after spamming the comments with me :) And for that awesome picture bribe which totally worked in the end haha. This one's for you <3 Sorry if it seems rushed and too fast-paced!
Alex let out a groan as his best friend picked up his book, carrying it himself instead of giving it back to its rightful owner. While Alex did not necessarily mind having Zack carry his books for him since he hated carrying those heavy little suckers, Alex did mind Zack constantly fussing over him now that the younger boy knew that he was pregnant. This was the third time that Zack had tried to stop him from doing something out of fear of overexertion or something equally ridiculous.
"Zack," he said warningly.
"You shouldn't carry them. They're heavy," Zack pointed out as he walked them to their lit class.
"I have arms," Alex reminded him dryly, making a failed attempt at grabbing it back. Zack kept it out of his reach with a smirk. Pulling his hand back with a loud huff of defeat, Alex muttered, "I hope you're not going to be like this throughout the rest of the pregnancy."
A passing student stared at them quizzically, and Alex ducked his head, cursing himself in his head. Pregnancy was not a good word to use when in the midst of gossip-hungry high school students. They would pounce on the knowledge that Alex Gaskarth was pregnant. It didn't matter that they barely knew him. They lived on that kind of shit and just the fact that he was pregnant would make him gossip-worthy in their eyes and mouths. Alex could live without being the center of freak attention. At least until he started showing. He grimaced at the idea of ballooning later on, not the least bit concerned that he was more worried about his stomach growing larger than about the whispers and rumors that would fly all around him.
"No." Alex sagged in relief and as a result, missed the twinkle in Zack's voice. "I'll probably be worse as it gets later and later."
Pulling an irritated face, Alex shoved at his shoulder, unappreciative of Zack's laughter as he fell back into step with the older boy. Even though Zack's overprotective and mothering antics were getting on his nerves, Alex was glad that Zack was no longer freaking out about the fact that he was pregnant. Of course, it did take the entire weekend for him to fully absorb the information all in, but he was reacting much more positively than Alex had originally imagined. Actually, Zack seemed to be pretty excited about the whole thing. He was doing research about male pregnancy and asking his own mom about her pregnancy. It was kind of worrying at how quickly Zack was taking to this, but Alex did not call him out on it. After all, it was helpful information, and Alex figured that Zack's hype about him having a baby would die down after a few weeks. So, whatever.
"You're blowing this out of proportion."
"Dude, you're having a baby. How am I blowing this any more out of proportion than it already is?" asked the younger boy, eyebrows waggling for effect at the fact.
"Can you, I don't know, not say it loud enough so that everyone in the hall can hear you?" Alex hissed, pinching his arm. "Why don't you just announce it to the entire student population?"
Zack looked at him with a sheepish grin. "Sorry. I'm just really excited. It was really weird at first and still kinda is, but it's also really freaking awesome at the same time."
"You can say that 'cause it's not you," Alex informed him matter-of-factly.
Nodding, Zack admitted without any shame, "Yeah, that too. C'mon. My best friend is going to have a baby. Think how cute it'll be!"
Eyes rolling, Alex pushed past him to slip inside the classroom first. He made sure to elbow Zack in the side as he passed, grinning at the knowledge that Zack couldn't do anything back to him. Zack just threw him a pouting glare and kicked the toes of his right shoe as Alex sat down. Alex feigned a look of pain and stuck his tongue out at the other.
"My book, please," he requested, hand held out.
Instead of the normal teasing comment that would have normally been given, Zack just handed him his book, rolling his eyes when he saw the grin on Alex's face. His mom had been right when she said that the mood swings were very much real and very much at the snap of a finger for some. While Alex's moods had not hit any extremes yet, thankfully, they changed easily and without much warning other than a quick twitch of his facial expression or intake of breath.
Oblivious to Zack's thoughts, Alex just hummed to himself for the rest of the class period and doodled nonsense in his notebook to pass time. His attention span had never been the best. When it was over, he trudged to his locker, ready to go home and sleep.
"So. How long have I been right about you and Caleb?" asked Zack with a triumphant little grin, leaning against the lockers as he watched Alex switch out his books. He didn't need any of them except for his pre-calc book tonight and his lit notebook. He needed to finish those stupid questions on Hamlet.
"Right about what about me and Caleb?" Alex retorted distractedly as he searched for his Hamlet book.
"About you two liking each other. Enough to date and accidentally procreate."
Alex poked his head out form the locker's depth to glare at him. "Not funny. Shut up."
He could hear the other chuckle as he returned his head behind the locker door. "Okay, sorry. But seriously. How long have you guys been dating? I'm a little hurt that you kept all of this from me," he said jokingly with a smile that bellied his words. Alex felt guilty anyways.
Biting his lower lip as he searched, he tried to busy himself. "I'm sorry, Zack. I just... I honestly just didn't know how to tell you. I mean, how often do I get to tell you, 'oh hey, I'm dating someone and well, now I'm pregnant. Surprise!'?" grimaced Alex, fingers curling around the spine of the book finally. "I didn't know what to say, and I was afraid of your reaction. I know we're best friends, but me being pregnant is pretty big."
"Literally," Zack quickly interjected, straight-faced. His crinkling eyes gave away his amusement though, and Alex hit him with the paperback book.
"Shut up. I'm not huge yet." Dropping the book into his backpack, Alex closed his locker and turned back to Zack with an apologetic smile. "I just wasn't really ready to tell you about me and Caleb, but getting pregnant kinda let that one out of the bag. I'm sorry, Zack. Please don't hate me. Everything just happened really fast, and I couldn't keep up, and I didn't know what to do, and I just." He pulled his please-forgive-me-you-can't-stay-mad-at-me smile, puppy dog eyes blinking up at Zack who just laughed.
"I can never win against you," he conceded, ruffling the other's hair which earned him a disgruntled yelp. "I'm not mad. You're my best friend, bro. No matter what you do, I could never hate you."
The words, although meant reassuring, felt like a kick to the gut, guilt streaming through his veins. Zack was so understanding and so forgiving. Alex could feel bile rising up, a lump catching in the middle of his throat as he forced a shaky smile. What he was doing, what he was keeping from Zack was just so wrong. It wasn't fair in the least bit. What kind of best friend was he besides incredibly shitty? The lump of words grew, and Alex had to swallow twice to keep himself from blurting everything out to his best friend.
"Th-thanks. Hearing that really means a lot to me," Alex choked out instead, ignoring stab of guilt at the fond look glazing over Zack's eyes. He was pulled into a warm, one-armed hug.
"Someone's getting emotional," Zack joked despite the fact that he was the one holding onto the other. "That's what best friends are for. But to make things fair, I demand that when you and Caleb get married, I get to be the best man."
The joke was an easy way out of his guilt, and Alex took it, saying with a roll of his eyes as he lightly shoved the other, "I'm a little too young to be thinking about marriage. Besides, me and Caleb are just... we're not at that point."
"Dude. You guys are having a baby together. Might as well as go all the way. Even if it's a little out of order."
Waving his hand dismissively, Alex shook his head, saying with a faint smile outlined in discomfort, "I don't really want to think about that right now. Let's just focus on me actually having the baby first."
"...I still get to be the best man, right?"
Eyes rolling, Alex agreed easily, pretending to huff, "Yes, Zack. You're the best man whenever it is that I get married. You always have been, and I wouldn't have anyone else."
The excited grin on Zack's face was enough to make Alex's own smile return.
--
"So. You and Caleb, huh."
Alex was getting pretty tired of hearing that from everyone but the one person he needed to hear it from. He was having this conversation with everyone but the one person he needed to have it with. Presently, he was at Jack's house for the weekly dinners that their parents had scheduled in an attempt for their sons to get to know one another and for them to spend time together. To Alex, it was just another form of torture of having to spend time with Jack while he was pregnant with the other boy's baby. Not that Jack knew, which was what made the whole thing even worse. Uncomfortable was the nicest word he could find to describe the forced dinners.
"Yeah. Me and Caleb. What about it?" he asked snippily, irritation crawling around under the stretch of his skin. He was sitting on Jack's bed, cross-legged and leaning back on his arms to ease off any pressure on his stomach. While Alex was sure he probably didn't need to, it never hurt to be careful. Jack sat across from him near the pillows, graciously giving him enough room to rest comfortably. It was another thing, Alex decided, that was good about having other people know about him being pregnant; they were nicer and tried to make things easier for him. In spite of all the disapproving, judgmental looks and openly concerned fussing and weird awe that were tossed at him as well.
"No need to get so bitchy. I'm just saying," Jack said, hands held up in a show of defenselessness. "I totally called it, by the way. You owe me a burger."
"Technically, it happened before you said anything, so no, I don't," the other retorted with a snort.
Jack prodded Alex in the leg with his foot in retaliation. "Whatever. I still totally called it."
"Mmh," hummed Alex absently as he played with a strand of stray hair, wrapping it around his finger.
"How long have you guys been dating for Caleb to actually knock you up?"
"I don't see why it matters," Alex responded with a frown. His hand dropped back down into his lap to rest against his thigh. Alex wanted to just avoid any topic regarding him and Caleb and their fabricated relationship. One that Alex still did not understand. He made a mental note to call the redhead later and talk about it with him.
"Just saying. It seems like it happened pretty... soon in your relationship."
Panic began to scratch at his skin as Alex forced himself to remain calm. He could see where Jack was heading with this line of questions and wanted to evade it for as long as he could put it off.
"Yeah, well. Things happen, and it's not really like we planned for it," he said, voice shaking under the thin veil of nonchalance covering it. "It was unexpected."
There was a noise of agreement from the other boy who shrugged, eyes falling onto Alex's nervous form. Alex willed himself to stop giving himself away and tried to look as casual as possible. If he couldn't even hold his tongue right now, in the very beginning, then how would he expect to keep his mouth shut and the secret in for the rest of the seven months?
"Fuck, I'd hate to think of what would happen if someone I fucked came back to me, telling me that they were pregnant." Jack laughed at the incredulous thought, and Alex wanted to laugh at the irony of the sentence. If only he knew. This, however, only reinforced Alex's decision in keeping Jack the odd one out on the details. Jack was most certainly not ready to settle down and be a parent, and he would undoubtedly freak out if he ever knew that Alex was actually carrying his child. And frankly, Alex did not think he could deal with Jack's freak out about the baby in addition to being pregnant. He did not need the baby's other father telling him that he wanted nothing to do with Alex or the baby.
"Um, yeah, that would really... suck."
"Actually," Jack gave a careful, nervous laugh from the back of his throat, "at first, when you said that you were pregnant, I thought it was maybe, y'know..." He scratched the back of his head with a sheepish, uncomfortable look as his other hand gestured in what Alex assumed was supposed to mean, I thought it was mine.
"It's not yours so don't worry," Alex muttered, refusing to look up. He hated how easily the lie fell from his lips when the baby just seemed to protest the lie oh so vehemently every single time it was mentioned. He focused on trying to discreetly force the tears back with the hopes that Jack wouldn't notice anything. Or at least have the courtesy to not say anything if he did notice.
In spite of the voice in his head telling him not to, Alex chanced a peek at Jack's expression.
The look of relief flooding Jack's face hurt more than he had anticipated it to. His gaze quickly dropped, and Alex picked at a loose thread on the blanket, feeling his stomach churn and his eyes prickle with fresh tears. He told himself that it had nothing to do with Jack and everything to do with the fact that the baby would have only one parent because Jack was too much of a douchebag to take responsibility even if he knew.
"Well, yeah. Obviously. I mean, we only fucked once, and I used a condom," Jack stated, nervousness gone now that he had satisfied his own hidden, laughable confession and it was no longer sitting in the back of his brain, scratching at his conscience.
Alex could hear their parents calling them down for dinner but remained seated as Jack stood up, stretching his limbs.
"Man, I'm so glad it's not me. That would be literally the worst fucking thing of my life. No offense." Jack chuckled as he headed for the door to head downstairs, barely casting a glance over at Alex who had yet to move.
It was a little humorous how Jack was so unaware of just how much his words, which were spoken without thought or much consideration laced into them, impacted Alex and his decisions regarding the baby. But each word was a peeled truth, revealing the taller boy's honest thoughts. Jack did not want to have a baby ruining his life as a carefree teenager, and Alex did not want to be the one to take that away from him.
--
Now that everyone who needed to know knew, excluding his parents, Alex felt a weight lift from his shoulders only to be replaced by an even heavier one. The lie that Caleb told, instead of relieving him, only made everything feel twenty times worse and heavier. While it wasn't that Alex did not appreciate what Caleb was trying to do, it was just that it was a lie. A big, fat, dirty lie that Alex was unsure he could shoulder because for some crazy, unfathomable reason, he did not want Jack to be sucked into its believable deception as well.
It was completely unreasonable and made absolutely no sense, but Alex hated the fact that Zack and Jack just ate it right up and believed the lie so easily. Well, okay, fine. It made sense why he hated the fact that Zack believed it so willingly; Zack had no reason to doubt Alex which made him feel incredibly guilty. But Jack? It just didn't make any sense. Alex had wanted Jack to believe the lie, but now that he did, it bothered him. Was this just his hormones being stupid and making him think stupid thoughts?
Even so, it didn't stop Alex from asking Caleb just what he had been thinking when the redhead came over.
"Why did you say that?" As expected, a look of perplexity caved the other's face. Alex sighed, explaining himself, "Why did you tell Zack and Jack that you're the dad?"
Caleb was too busy trying to kill the horde of zombies chasing after him to answer properly, saying distractedly, "I don't know. It seemed like a good idea at the time."
Alex frowned at him and reached over to turn off the game with a roll of his eyes. He would appreciate actually having Caleb's full attention for this. This complicated everything at least a million times more than Alex needed things to be. It would have been loads easier to just take the disappointed looks and say that he didn't know who the father of the baby was rather than take the semi-disappointed but happy, encouraging looks and say that Caleb was the father. Besides, once the baby was actually born, the whole charade would be given up and everyone would know the truth and how Alex had lied to them. He scowled sharply when Caleb opened his mouth to protest. Wisely, his lips clamped shut again.
"Now that I actually have your attention," said Alex huffily, crossing his arms, "will you give me an answer that isn't complete bullshit?"
Leaning back against the couch, Caleb turned his head to face him with a serious quirk of his mouth. His voice matched the look. "My answer wasn't bullshit, Alex. I was serious."
"You can't be serious," Alex denied. "How does claiming that you're the baby's daddy seem like a good idea? I mean, what part of that screams good idea to you, Caleb? Now everyone thinks you're the dad."
"I know. That's what I was kinda hoping everyone would think," Caleb answered plainly as he tossed the controller to the side.
"Wh-why?" There was a sinking feeling in his gut that told him he wouldn't like the answer.
Caleb shrugged, looking away briefly. "Look, Alex. You're my friend. I know we haven't been friends for a long time, but I care about you. And this is kind of weird and maybe I shouldn't be saying this right now, but you kinda didn't get it the first time around like I had hoped you would so." He inhaled, pausing mid-sentence.
With a raised brow, Alex looked at him questioningly. He wasn't "getting it" all right. "So?"
"What I want to say is that," Caleb ran a hand through his hair, letting their eyes match together, "I really like you, Alex. And I want to be there for you."
There were too many definitions of "like" that Alex did not like. It was not as though Alex did not like Caleb. It was the exact opposite; Alex liked Caleb. A lot. He just wasn't certain which definition of "like" applied to how he liked Caleb. Cautiously forcing himself to breathe, Alex dared to ask meekly, "Like?"
"Like," affirmed Caleb strongly. "As in, I like you. A lot. And more than just as a friend."
"But... I'm pregnant," Alex whispered in defense, unsure whether he was trying to deter Caleb or find out if the other boy really wanted this. This being Alex and a baby. No one wanted this. In all honesty, who wanted to be stuck with a responsibility this ginormous when they had the rest of their life to live? Especially when the baby wasn't even theirs. There was just no way that Alex could take Caleb seriously. They were in high school, for crying out loud. None of them were mature enough.
"I know," Caleb responded with an obvious smile. "I said that I want to be there for you, and that means being with you while you're pregnant and after the baby's born too. I would take care of both of you. You don't have to go through all of this by yourself, Alex."
"Y-you can't be serious," he repeated, spluttering.
Caleb furrowed his brows a little before scooting over closer to Alex, taking both of his hands in his own. "I am dead serious. I know you're pregnant, and I know that you don't want to put this type of responsibility on anyone, but I want you to know that I like you enough to want to be with you and to be there for you during and after the pregnancy."
Alex swallowed hard, palms sweating against Caleb's and eyes darting around the other's face. He didn't know what to say. Personally, Alex did not mind that he would be tethered to this because it was his own fault and it was up to him to take responsibility for his actions, which he was going to do wholeheartedly. But Caleb had nothing to do with his drunken mistake. There was no need for him to have to heft Alex's burden as his own. The redhead deserved someone who could love him without strings attached. Someone who did not hesitate, uncertain about their feelings about him. Someone who wasn't pregnant with another person's child. Basically, someone who was everything that Alex was not. Caleb was too good for him, in his honest opinion.
"I-..."
As though hearing Alex's current train of thought, Caleb quickly interjected before he could reject him, "Give me a chance? I'm not doing this because I feel obligated to. I really want this. I really want you, Alex. You and the baby, both."
The disbelief drained down his throat as he watched the other for a long minute, seeing the sincerity gleaming in the other's eyes, soft and real. Part of him wanted to agree because there was just no way he could go through all of this alone and if he didn't have to, if there was someone willing to be there for him, why turn him down? But another part of him, the part housing the baby, protested because it wasn't fair; no matter what Caleb said. It wouldn't be fair for Alex to force this onto Caleb, even if it was of his own choice.
But Alex desperately did not want to be alone. He was scared, in all honesty. He was deathly afraid, and he couldn't handle this alone, even though he tried to tell himself that he could. He needed someone to be there with him, to support him, to tell him that it would be okay and still be there at the very end. There was no way he could care for and support the baby by himself. And Caleb could probably help support the baby more than Alex could alone.Besides, why wouldn't this work? Everyone was already under the impression that he and Caleb were dating and that Caleb was the father, why not just make at least half of the lie into a truth?
His fear outweighed his guilt, and for what felt like all the wrong reasons, he said yes.
Author: detourtoyou
Rating: NC-17 overall
Pairing: Jack/Alex
POV: 3rd
Summary: Of course the one time he decided to act his age, Alex would end up messing even that up. But in his defense, it was hard to act his age when he was faced with things so entirely beyond his age and maturity level, like a one-night decision that decided to follow him into the rest of his life.
Warning: Mpreg
Disclaimer: This is sadly false and a complete lie created by my mind. Title taken from Toxic Valentine by All Time Low.
A/N: So, this strangely super fast update can be credited to damnedifidoyah who got me super motivated to write this chapter after spamming the comments with me :) And for that awesome picture bribe which totally worked in the end haha. This one's for you <3 Sorry if it seems rushed and too fast-paced!
Alex let out a groan as his best friend picked up his book, carrying it himself instead of giving it back to its rightful owner. While Alex did not necessarily mind having Zack carry his books for him since he hated carrying those heavy little suckers, Alex did mind Zack constantly fussing over him now that the younger boy knew that he was pregnant. This was the third time that Zack had tried to stop him from doing something out of fear of overexertion or something equally ridiculous.
"Zack," he said warningly.
"You shouldn't carry them. They're heavy," Zack pointed out as he walked them to their lit class.
"I have arms," Alex reminded him dryly, making a failed attempt at grabbing it back. Zack kept it out of his reach with a smirk. Pulling his hand back with a loud huff of defeat, Alex muttered, "I hope you're not going to be like this throughout the rest of the pregnancy."
A passing student stared at them quizzically, and Alex ducked his head, cursing himself in his head. Pregnancy was not a good word to use when in the midst of gossip-hungry high school students. They would pounce on the knowledge that Alex Gaskarth was pregnant. It didn't matter that they barely knew him. They lived on that kind of shit and just the fact that he was pregnant would make him gossip-worthy in their eyes and mouths. Alex could live without being the center of freak attention. At least until he started showing. He grimaced at the idea of ballooning later on, not the least bit concerned that he was more worried about his stomach growing larger than about the whispers and rumors that would fly all around him.
"No." Alex sagged in relief and as a result, missed the twinkle in Zack's voice. "I'll probably be worse as it gets later and later."
Pulling an irritated face, Alex shoved at his shoulder, unappreciative of Zack's laughter as he fell back into step with the older boy. Even though Zack's overprotective and mothering antics were getting on his nerves, Alex was glad that Zack was no longer freaking out about the fact that he was pregnant. Of course, it did take the entire weekend for him to fully absorb the information all in, but he was reacting much more positively than Alex had originally imagined. Actually, Zack seemed to be pretty excited about the whole thing. He was doing research about male pregnancy and asking his own mom about her pregnancy. It was kind of worrying at how quickly Zack was taking to this, but Alex did not call him out on it. After all, it was helpful information, and Alex figured that Zack's hype about him having a baby would die down after a few weeks. So, whatever.
"You're blowing this out of proportion."
"Dude, you're having a baby. How am I blowing this any more out of proportion than it already is?" asked the younger boy, eyebrows waggling for effect at the fact.
"Can you, I don't know, not say it loud enough so that everyone in the hall can hear you?" Alex hissed, pinching his arm. "Why don't you just announce it to the entire student population?"
Zack looked at him with a sheepish grin. "Sorry. I'm just really excited. It was really weird at first and still kinda is, but it's also really freaking awesome at the same time."
"You can say that 'cause it's not you," Alex informed him matter-of-factly.
Nodding, Zack admitted without any shame, "Yeah, that too. C'mon. My best friend is going to have a baby. Think how cute it'll be!"
Eyes rolling, Alex pushed past him to slip inside the classroom first. He made sure to elbow Zack in the side as he passed, grinning at the knowledge that Zack couldn't do anything back to him. Zack just threw him a pouting glare and kicked the toes of his right shoe as Alex sat down. Alex feigned a look of pain and stuck his tongue out at the other.
"My book, please," he requested, hand held out.
Instead of the normal teasing comment that would have normally been given, Zack just handed him his book, rolling his eyes when he saw the grin on Alex's face. His mom had been right when she said that the mood swings were very much real and very much at the snap of a finger for some. While Alex's moods had not hit any extremes yet, thankfully, they changed easily and without much warning other than a quick twitch of his facial expression or intake of breath.
Oblivious to Zack's thoughts, Alex just hummed to himself for the rest of the class period and doodled nonsense in his notebook to pass time. His attention span had never been the best. When it was over, he trudged to his locker, ready to go home and sleep.
"So. How long have I been right about you and Caleb?" asked Zack with a triumphant little grin, leaning against the lockers as he watched Alex switch out his books. He didn't need any of them except for his pre-calc book tonight and his lit notebook. He needed to finish those stupid questions on Hamlet.
"Right about what about me and Caleb?" Alex retorted distractedly as he searched for his Hamlet book.
"About you two liking each other. Enough to date and accidentally procreate."
Alex poked his head out form the locker's depth to glare at him. "Not funny. Shut up."
He could hear the other chuckle as he returned his head behind the locker door. "Okay, sorry. But seriously. How long have you guys been dating? I'm a little hurt that you kept all of this from me," he said jokingly with a smile that bellied his words. Alex felt guilty anyways.
Biting his lower lip as he searched, he tried to busy himself. "I'm sorry, Zack. I just... I honestly just didn't know how to tell you. I mean, how often do I get to tell you, 'oh hey, I'm dating someone and well, now I'm pregnant. Surprise!'?" grimaced Alex, fingers curling around the spine of the book finally. "I didn't know what to say, and I was afraid of your reaction. I know we're best friends, but me being pregnant is pretty big."
"Literally," Zack quickly interjected, straight-faced. His crinkling eyes gave away his amusement though, and Alex hit him with the paperback book.
"Shut up. I'm not huge yet." Dropping the book into his backpack, Alex closed his locker and turned back to Zack with an apologetic smile. "I just wasn't really ready to tell you about me and Caleb, but getting pregnant kinda let that one out of the bag. I'm sorry, Zack. Please don't hate me. Everything just happened really fast, and I couldn't keep up, and I didn't know what to do, and I just." He pulled his please-forgive-me-you-can't-stay-mad-at-me smile, puppy dog eyes blinking up at Zack who just laughed.
"I can never win against you," he conceded, ruffling the other's hair which earned him a disgruntled yelp. "I'm not mad. You're my best friend, bro. No matter what you do, I could never hate you."
The words, although meant reassuring, felt like a kick to the gut, guilt streaming through his veins. Zack was so understanding and so forgiving. Alex could feel bile rising up, a lump catching in the middle of his throat as he forced a shaky smile. What he was doing, what he was keeping from Zack was just so wrong. It wasn't fair in the least bit. What kind of best friend was he besides incredibly shitty? The lump of words grew, and Alex had to swallow twice to keep himself from blurting everything out to his best friend.
"Th-thanks. Hearing that really means a lot to me," Alex choked out instead, ignoring stab of guilt at the fond look glazing over Zack's eyes. He was pulled into a warm, one-armed hug.
"Someone's getting emotional," Zack joked despite the fact that he was the one holding onto the other. "That's what best friends are for. But to make things fair, I demand that when you and Caleb get married, I get to be the best man."
The joke was an easy way out of his guilt, and Alex took it, saying with a roll of his eyes as he lightly shoved the other, "I'm a little too young to be thinking about marriage. Besides, me and Caleb are just... we're not at that point."
"Dude. You guys are having a baby together. Might as well as go all the way. Even if it's a little out of order."
Waving his hand dismissively, Alex shook his head, saying with a faint smile outlined in discomfort, "I don't really want to think about that right now. Let's just focus on me actually having the baby first."
"...I still get to be the best man, right?"
Eyes rolling, Alex agreed easily, pretending to huff, "Yes, Zack. You're the best man whenever it is that I get married. You always have been, and I wouldn't have anyone else."
The excited grin on Zack's face was enough to make Alex's own smile return.
--
"So. You and Caleb, huh."
Alex was getting pretty tired of hearing that from everyone but the one person he needed to hear it from. He was having this conversation with everyone but the one person he needed to have it with. Presently, he was at Jack's house for the weekly dinners that their parents had scheduled in an attempt for their sons to get to know one another and for them to spend time together. To Alex, it was just another form of torture of having to spend time with Jack while he was pregnant with the other boy's baby. Not that Jack knew, which was what made the whole thing even worse. Uncomfortable was the nicest word he could find to describe the forced dinners.
"Yeah. Me and Caleb. What about it?" he asked snippily, irritation crawling around under the stretch of his skin. He was sitting on Jack's bed, cross-legged and leaning back on his arms to ease off any pressure on his stomach. While Alex was sure he probably didn't need to, it never hurt to be careful. Jack sat across from him near the pillows, graciously giving him enough room to rest comfortably. It was another thing, Alex decided, that was good about having other people know about him being pregnant; they were nicer and tried to make things easier for him. In spite of all the disapproving, judgmental looks and openly concerned fussing and weird awe that were tossed at him as well.
"No need to get so bitchy. I'm just saying," Jack said, hands held up in a show of defenselessness. "I totally called it, by the way. You owe me a burger."
"Technically, it happened before you said anything, so no, I don't," the other retorted with a snort.
Jack prodded Alex in the leg with his foot in retaliation. "Whatever. I still totally called it."
"Mmh," hummed Alex absently as he played with a strand of stray hair, wrapping it around his finger.
"How long have you guys been dating for Caleb to actually knock you up?"
"I don't see why it matters," Alex responded with a frown. His hand dropped back down into his lap to rest against his thigh. Alex wanted to just avoid any topic regarding him and Caleb and their fabricated relationship. One that Alex still did not understand. He made a mental note to call the redhead later and talk about it with him.
"Just saying. It seems like it happened pretty... soon in your relationship."
Panic began to scratch at his skin as Alex forced himself to remain calm. He could see where Jack was heading with this line of questions and wanted to evade it for as long as he could put it off.
"Yeah, well. Things happen, and it's not really like we planned for it," he said, voice shaking under the thin veil of nonchalance covering it. "It was unexpected."
There was a noise of agreement from the other boy who shrugged, eyes falling onto Alex's nervous form. Alex willed himself to stop giving himself away and tried to look as casual as possible. If he couldn't even hold his tongue right now, in the very beginning, then how would he expect to keep his mouth shut and the secret in for the rest of the seven months?
"Fuck, I'd hate to think of what would happen if someone I fucked came back to me, telling me that they were pregnant." Jack laughed at the incredulous thought, and Alex wanted to laugh at the irony of the sentence. If only he knew. This, however, only reinforced Alex's decision in keeping Jack the odd one out on the details. Jack was most certainly not ready to settle down and be a parent, and he would undoubtedly freak out if he ever knew that Alex was actually carrying his child. And frankly, Alex did not think he could deal with Jack's freak out about the baby in addition to being pregnant. He did not need the baby's other father telling him that he wanted nothing to do with Alex or the baby.
"Um, yeah, that would really... suck."
"Actually," Jack gave a careful, nervous laugh from the back of his throat, "at first, when you said that you were pregnant, I thought it was maybe, y'know..." He scratched the back of his head with a sheepish, uncomfortable look as his other hand gestured in what Alex assumed was supposed to mean, I thought it was mine.
"It's not yours so don't worry," Alex muttered, refusing to look up. He hated how easily the lie fell from his lips when the baby just seemed to protest the lie oh so vehemently every single time it was mentioned. He focused on trying to discreetly force the tears back with the hopes that Jack wouldn't notice anything. Or at least have the courtesy to not say anything if he did notice.
In spite of the voice in his head telling him not to, Alex chanced a peek at Jack's expression.
The look of relief flooding Jack's face hurt more than he had anticipated it to. His gaze quickly dropped, and Alex picked at a loose thread on the blanket, feeling his stomach churn and his eyes prickle with fresh tears. He told himself that it had nothing to do with Jack and everything to do with the fact that the baby would have only one parent because Jack was too much of a douchebag to take responsibility even if he knew.
"Well, yeah. Obviously. I mean, we only fucked once, and I used a condom," Jack stated, nervousness gone now that he had satisfied his own hidden, laughable confession and it was no longer sitting in the back of his brain, scratching at his conscience.
Alex could hear their parents calling them down for dinner but remained seated as Jack stood up, stretching his limbs.
"Man, I'm so glad it's not me. That would be literally the worst fucking thing of my life. No offense." Jack chuckled as he headed for the door to head downstairs, barely casting a glance over at Alex who had yet to move.
It was a little humorous how Jack was so unaware of just how much his words, which were spoken without thought or much consideration laced into them, impacted Alex and his decisions regarding the baby. But each word was a peeled truth, revealing the taller boy's honest thoughts. Jack did not want to have a baby ruining his life as a carefree teenager, and Alex did not want to be the one to take that away from him.
--
Now that everyone who needed to know knew, excluding his parents, Alex felt a weight lift from his shoulders only to be replaced by an even heavier one. The lie that Caleb told, instead of relieving him, only made everything feel twenty times worse and heavier. While it wasn't that Alex did not appreciate what Caleb was trying to do, it was just that it was a lie. A big, fat, dirty lie that Alex was unsure he could shoulder because for some crazy, unfathomable reason, he did not want Jack to be sucked into its believable deception as well.
It was completely unreasonable and made absolutely no sense, but Alex hated the fact that Zack and Jack just ate it right up and believed the lie so easily. Well, okay, fine. It made sense why he hated the fact that Zack believed it so willingly; Zack had no reason to doubt Alex which made him feel incredibly guilty. But Jack? It just didn't make any sense. Alex had wanted Jack to believe the lie, but now that he did, it bothered him. Was this just his hormones being stupid and making him think stupid thoughts?
Even so, it didn't stop Alex from asking Caleb just what he had been thinking when the redhead came over.
"Why did you say that?" As expected, a look of perplexity caved the other's face. Alex sighed, explaining himself, "Why did you tell Zack and Jack that you're the dad?"
Caleb was too busy trying to kill the horde of zombies chasing after him to answer properly, saying distractedly, "I don't know. It seemed like a good idea at the time."
Alex frowned at him and reached over to turn off the game with a roll of his eyes. He would appreciate actually having Caleb's full attention for this. This complicated everything at least a million times more than Alex needed things to be. It would have been loads easier to just take the disappointed looks and say that he didn't know who the father of the baby was rather than take the semi-disappointed but happy, encouraging looks and say that Caleb was the father. Besides, once the baby was actually born, the whole charade would be given up and everyone would know the truth and how Alex had lied to them. He scowled sharply when Caleb opened his mouth to protest. Wisely, his lips clamped shut again.
"Now that I actually have your attention," said Alex huffily, crossing his arms, "will you give me an answer that isn't complete bullshit?"
Leaning back against the couch, Caleb turned his head to face him with a serious quirk of his mouth. His voice matched the look. "My answer wasn't bullshit, Alex. I was serious."
"You can't be serious," Alex denied. "How does claiming that you're the baby's daddy seem like a good idea? I mean, what part of that screams good idea to you, Caleb? Now everyone thinks you're the dad."
"I know. That's what I was kinda hoping everyone would think," Caleb answered plainly as he tossed the controller to the side.
"Wh-why?" There was a sinking feeling in his gut that told him he wouldn't like the answer.
Caleb shrugged, looking away briefly. "Look, Alex. You're my friend. I know we haven't been friends for a long time, but I care about you. And this is kind of weird and maybe I shouldn't be saying this right now, but you kinda didn't get it the first time around like I had hoped you would so." He inhaled, pausing mid-sentence.
With a raised brow, Alex looked at him questioningly. He wasn't "getting it" all right. "So?"
"What I want to say is that," Caleb ran a hand through his hair, letting their eyes match together, "I really like you, Alex. And I want to be there for you."
There were too many definitions of "like" that Alex did not like. It was not as though Alex did not like Caleb. It was the exact opposite; Alex liked Caleb. A lot. He just wasn't certain which definition of "like" applied to how he liked Caleb. Cautiously forcing himself to breathe, Alex dared to ask meekly, "Like?"
"Like," affirmed Caleb strongly. "As in, I like you. A lot. And more than just as a friend."
"But... I'm pregnant," Alex whispered in defense, unsure whether he was trying to deter Caleb or find out if the other boy really wanted this. This being Alex and a baby. No one wanted this. In all honesty, who wanted to be stuck with a responsibility this ginormous when they had the rest of their life to live? Especially when the baby wasn't even theirs. There was just no way that Alex could take Caleb seriously. They were in high school, for crying out loud. None of them were mature enough.
"I know," Caleb responded with an obvious smile. "I said that I want to be there for you, and that means being with you while you're pregnant and after the baby's born too. I would take care of both of you. You don't have to go through all of this by yourself, Alex."
"Y-you can't be serious," he repeated, spluttering.
Caleb furrowed his brows a little before scooting over closer to Alex, taking both of his hands in his own. "I am dead serious. I know you're pregnant, and I know that you don't want to put this type of responsibility on anyone, but I want you to know that I like you enough to want to be with you and to be there for you during and after the pregnancy."
Alex swallowed hard, palms sweating against Caleb's and eyes darting around the other's face. He didn't know what to say. Personally, Alex did not mind that he would be tethered to this because it was his own fault and it was up to him to take responsibility for his actions, which he was going to do wholeheartedly. But Caleb had nothing to do with his drunken mistake. There was no need for him to have to heft Alex's burden as his own. The redhead deserved someone who could love him without strings attached. Someone who did not hesitate, uncertain about their feelings about him. Someone who wasn't pregnant with another person's child. Basically, someone who was everything that Alex was not. Caleb was too good for him, in his honest opinion.
"I-..."
As though hearing Alex's current train of thought, Caleb quickly interjected before he could reject him, "Give me a chance? I'm not doing this because I feel obligated to. I really want this. I really want you, Alex. You and the baby, both."
The disbelief drained down his throat as he watched the other for a long minute, seeing the sincerity gleaming in the other's eyes, soft and real. Part of him wanted to agree because there was just no way he could go through all of this alone and if he didn't have to, if there was someone willing to be there for him, why turn him down? But another part of him, the part housing the baby, protested because it wasn't fair; no matter what Caleb said. It wouldn't be fair for Alex to force this onto Caleb, even if it was of his own choice.
But Alex desperately did not want to be alone. He was scared, in all honesty. He was deathly afraid, and he couldn't handle this alone, even though he tried to tell himself that he could. He needed someone to be there with him, to support him, to tell him that it would be okay and still be there at the very end. There was no way he could care for and support the baby by himself. And Caleb could probably help support the baby more than Alex could alone.Besides, why wouldn't this work? Everyone was already under the impression that he and Caleb were dating and that Caleb was the father, why not just make at least half of the lie into a truth?
His fear outweighed his guilt, and for what felt like all the wrong reasons, he said yes.