With Great Description...

[almightyzhark]

I am a great man. I am the conquerer of much of the Known Universe, and probably much of the UnKnown Universe as well. I am a tall figure, dressed in a jet-black high-collared robe which hangs tot he floor on one side and is buttoned tightly up to my throat on the other. I have a pale complexion, high cheekbones and a small and very precise goatee

Comments

*a note is delivered*

[sweariwontdie]

M. Zhark,

I can't quite tell what you are. If you behave, I'm sure you'll be welcome here.

Sincerely,
Armand St. Just

Re: *a note is delivered*

[almightyzhark]

Mr. St. Just,

I am an evil space tyrant who enjoys conquering planets and slaughtering millions, as well as protecting literature in almostl its forms. I'm quite pleased to meet you, though.

Sincerely,
Emperor Zhark

Re: *a note is delivered*

[sweariwontdie]

M. Zhark,

Please don't conquer or slaughter us. We're quite happy and literary enough as it is.

Armand

Re: *a note is delivered*

[almightyzhark]

Mr. St. Just,

I tend to let literary characters and their worlds be, unless a problem arises. So far, I have seen no problems.

Emperor Zhark

[thursdayn]

*grins*

Long time no see.

We had Mr Paige over for supper the other day, Landen insisted -- I'm afraid for you he's still alive, though.

[almightyzhark]

Thursday! It's been too long. How are Landen and Friday?

As long as he keeps his end of the...promise, I won't bother him.

[thursdayn]

Friday's great -- he says, um, 'Neque porro,' which I think is a good thing.

As for Landen, he's still off and on. Literally.

[almightyzhark]

Give the boy a pat on the head from me. Also, has your mother given you any Battenburg you don't want? I'm nearly down to my last cake...

On and off still? You know, you can always call on me to come in and get that Goliath company to settle him down. Just say the word and I'll be there with an army of two million in a snap.

[rebel_vala]

*because he is terribly bored and still imprisoned*

Greetings!

It is a pleasure to see a fellow tyrant person of similar ideals. If I was not currently imprisoned by my idiotic family not going to mention a certain red haired elf, I would be asking if you would like to join forces and take over this place.

The general break from pacing in my cell would be most helpful. Breaking me out would be even more so.

Melkor

[almightyzhark]

Ah, another tyrant ruler! Tell me, what is it that you terrorize rule? A city? A country? Several worlds?

Imprisoned by your own family? How very embarassing. I'll start working on investigating this imprisonment and see what I can do...

[rebel_vala]

I tried to take over Arda. When that did not happen, I decided to destroy it instead. But that was thousands of years ago and I am a changed Vala even if no one believes me.

Can you break into Mandos' halls to get me out? But then Namo would not like that...neither would my brother...

[almightyzhark]

A good choice. If you can't rule it, destroy it. They might come back to get you later...or someone else might rule them in your stead.

A changed man, eh? Perhaps you could try to convince them that you are. Obviously you haven't been able to yet...I'll try to talk to this Namo and see what he thinks.

[psilent_p]

I say! Emperor of the Known Universe...well, that's quite an achievement, if I do say so myself. I do not hold with Emperors and that sort of thing -- especially ones in the killing-billions line -- but even an ardent Socialist such as myself cannot help but feel a certain amount of healthy respect for the results. Dear me -- do you rule all that yourself, or do you have a few dozen or so Evil Ministers and Trusted Lieutenants to assist you? Do govern these planets with an iron fist, or merely leave them alone and demand a harsh tribute every so often? What do you do about plucky, heroic pockets of resistance? Oh, the logistics of the undertaking must be frightful! I am impressed, Comrade Zhark -- impressed! And you even manage to dress the part.

*bows* At any rate, my name is Psmith (the P is silent), and I should be glad to make your acquaintence, though I am neither a megalomaniac nor what you would describe as pedestrian and normal.

[almightyzhark]

Why, thank you. I'm flattered by your words. You seem like the type I'd conquer, then let live under a relatively lax rule and by lax I mean with only 80% taxes and a hundred sacrifices a month. As for ruling it, I most certainly can't pay attention to everything at once, and I'm constantly acquiring new territories, so I do indeed have Evil Ministers and a handful of Trusted Lieutentants. None are Completely Trusted, except posthumously. I rule the planets I conquer in various ways, depending on how they fought back during my invasions, but normally my fist is as iron as the broadsides of my ships. Which, come to think of it, aren't actually made of iron...oh well. I have to fight those heroes and resistance pockets quite often, at least once a book, and usually it's the same man and his cheerful sidekick, so I tend to follow the Rules of Tyrants and set my minions on them while plotting my next vile deed

[psilent_p]

*nods* I must say your methods seem very sound. Especially not completely trusting anyone who is actually alive. An awfully good piece of advice -- were I evil, I wouldn't trust anyone completely either.

I should be very much like to meet for tea and cake -- provided that it's not some kind of prelude to being conquered and/or offered a job as henchman under pain of death. No offense meant -- I shouldn't be offended if you tried anything of the sort; I know that's what tyrants often do -- but I don't particularly rule anything of value and working for you, though I'm sure the perks are astonishing and the pay astronomical, would compromise my Principles. I'm sure you understand.

[almightyzhark]

In trust there is a possibility to lose everything you've worked hard for. Some trust is healthy; too much is not.

Oh, certainly not! I wouldn't force something on someone that they don't want if I know them personally, unless I'm written to do so. In this case, I'm not, so we can just discuss our thoughts and opinions. If it goes against your Principles, then I most certainly understand. I am a gentleman, after all.

[hellflowsover]

*rolls eyes and smiles* How impressive.

Typist: *cracks up*

[almightyzhark]

And who, may I ask, are you?

[hellflowsover]

Acheron Hades. *offers hand* I'm from what you might know as "the real world." I've... *grins* I'm sorry. Your novels are difficult to take seriously.

[almightyzhark]

*almsot takes hand, but pulls it back before it happens, then pulls self up imperiously* My novels, Outlander, may be difficult to take seriously, but I am certainly not one to which you should do the same.