naruto: minions
title: minions
characters: team 7
*edited and expanded on since last time
This fic was inspired by the plot bunny by Kirin-Saga found in the Naruto Plot Bunny Orphanage.
-- "Kakashi, they're students, not minions."
Sandaime should have known something was wrong when Kakashi had asked for a team of minions.
He had been practicing his calligraphy, when the twin oak doors that hid the rest of the world from his office were slammed open. Sandaime inhaled sharply, and looked down at the spilled ink distastefully. He assessed the damage - it could be fixed - before addressing the evil invader from hell.
"Hello, Kakashi."
As if he hadn't noticed his sensei's sensei's sensei's distaste for his presence, Kakashi walked in breezily and slammed the door shut behind him, equally loudly. This time, Sandaime dropped his brush onto the crisp scroll before him. The chances of him fixing anything was slim to none now.
"I want minions."
Sandaime was in no mood for the Fourth's pet prodigy. "Minions." He weighed the word thoughtfully, "What will you do with said minions, Kakashi?"
"Well, I'll train them. Then, I'll have them attack, bind and gag Gai. Maa, then they'll throw him into a closet. Gai won't be bothering me any time soon after that, see?" Kakashi explained, sounding extremely pleased with himself. The brat was practically preening under his presumed genius. Genius. Pfft. As if plotting to assault his fellow Jounin was a regular day-to-day occurrence, and that revealing his plot to the Hokage was a good idea. Genius. "I've been planning this out for quite some time now. What do you think?"
Humoring the strange silver-haired Jounin, Sandaime said kindly, "Well, where will you find the minions to ambush Gai?"
In all seriousness, Kakashi replied, "Iruka told me that there's a batch of graduating genins ready for Jounin senseis."
Sandaime's jaw slackened, and his pipe almost dropped - into his ink well, if not for Kakashi's fast reflexes. He caught it just in time and passed it back to his superior. "Ahem, thank you, Kakashi."
"No problem." Kakashi demurred, before getting back to the topic at hand. "Now, about my minions. I want that Uchiha."
He sputtered and almost dropped his pipe again, and again, Kakashi caught it. "You really need to work on your reflexes, Sandaime-sama." Kakashi said reproachfully. "Now, I want Minato-sensei's cute little spawn, Naruto-kun too."
"Kakashi, you may be a fully qualified Jounin, but I cannot let you have a squadron just yet."
"Why not?" Sandaime remembers how Kakashi had looked as a pouting mask-less six year old, and he suspected that Kakashi pouting at the age of twenty-six looked exactly the same under that mask. "You let Ebisu have one! C'mon!" Kakashi gave him a doleful look. "Ebisu, honestly. Why not me?"
Because you're stark raving mad! That's why! "You've rejected all the other teams I've tried to assign to you. Why have you decided to have one now?"
Kakashi crossed his arms and sighed huffily, much like a little boy who had been denied his treat would. "Weren't you listening to me at all
"You can't be serious." Sandaime said disbelievingly. "Did Gai put you up to this? He must have found out that you rejected another squadron and bet that his squadron is better than any you can train." Yes, that sounded much more plausible. Gai and his wild boasts... "Kakashi, don't - "
"Damn. I forgot about his squadron. Whatever, I'm sure I can train my minions to take down his minions soon enough."
"Kakashi! You can't just sic genins on one another! You can't be serious!"
"I am. Now, it's either you assign me Uchiha and Naruto-kun as my new minions or I'm going to recruit Anko and Genma to get rid of those genin. We all want Gai to shut up for a few weeks."
"But there are -" Sandaime sighed. Why was he even protesting anyway? "Forget it. You win, Kakashi! You can have your students."
"They're minions, Sandaime-sama." Kakashi corrected.
By now, Sandaime was sure that Kakashi had lost all his marbles. "Kakashi, they're students, not
"Sure there." Kakashi said dismissively. "Thanks, old man."
"I'll have to add a female student into the mix to make a three-man cell."
"That's fine. How about that Yamanaka girl? I'm sure she'll be useful with her family's mind techniques."
"...Asuma already came by earlier and staked out on the InoShikaCho group." Sandaime lied creatively. It was for the sake of Gai's safety that he was lying anyways. Perhaps, he was also protecting the future of the village. Who knows how Kakashi's little experiment will turn out?
"How about that Hyuuga girl?" Kakashi asked. Sandaime twitched. He sure did his homework before coming to harass him. "I'm sure the Byakugan will be useful."
"I'm assigning Haruno Sakura to you."
Kakashi groaned, "Not that thing!"
"Haruno Sakura is not a thing. Your students are not minions. And don't give me that look, Kakashi!"
"Fine." Kakashi pouted. "I'll find something for her to do. Maybe she can distract one of Gai's minions, and then Uchiha, Minato Jr. and I can swoop in for the kill. Maybe she will be good for something…"
Sandaime sighed, "Get out of my office, Kakashi."
"Okay. Thanks again, old man! I'll be expecting my minions to be delivered to my doorstep in about…two weeks."
"THEY'RE STUDENTS, KAKASHI!"
Sometimes, Sandaime really regretted becoming Hokage.