(no subject)
This is the response I wrote in 
feminist_sex, which can be found here: http://community.livejournal.com/feminist_sex/12900.html?view=180324&style=mine#t180324.
Response follows:
before radical feminism got to me, my sexuality was VERY different. For example, I used to be pro-porn. I consumed it voraciously almost whenever I could from about the age of 9-12, along with misogynist romance novels. My sexual fantasies focused on het intercourse and fellatio and the occasional "kinky" so-called "lesbian action." But I still masturbated clitorally, trying fruitlessly sometimes to achieve the "proper" orgasm, through vaginal "penetration."
When a was a baby feminist at 12, I started rejecting het porn, and instead decided, "dammit, I'm a lesbian." Within a few months of that, I got into gay porn and gay depictions of egalitarian sexuality. I was aroused by depictions of child sexual abuse (usually only with male victims), men raping men, S/M, etc.
The abusive fantasies began to upset me big time at 14. I was supposed to be a feminist. I managed to get rid of the s/m and rape no problem, but pedophilia was easier said than done. I still am at times aroused and fantasize about CSA, as long as it's "consensual," the child is the leader, etc.
At 13 or 14, for a few months, het sex turned me off completely, and I decided I wanted to become a gay man--sex reassignment surgery and all.
Beginning when I was 15, I got into poly-perverse, for lack of a better term, sexuality. I have radical feminism to thank for this. I began finding many kinds of sex (as in gay, bi, straight, lesbian, threesome) erotic. I learned to love my vulva and clitoris again. I became less focussed on intercourse, to the point hetero-intercourse was completely absent from my wants and fantasies, and gay male intercourse only took up about 15-20% of my fantasy time. Until I was seventeen, I was still predominantly gay male in my sexuality. Then I became mostly straight woman. Meaning, in my fantasy life, and subsequently my sexual thoughts about and acts with two males off and on, at times in threesomes (now just one) Now, the simplified order would be:
1) straight woman
2) gay man
3) straight man
4) lesbian
As I mentioned earlier, my sexuality is about 80% of where i want it to be. But I can't seem to stop eroticizing kids being taken advantage of sexually. By the by, I am usually the child, whether the child is female or male.
Damn, that was long. If anyone made their way through that, congrats.
shit, forgot something. As recently as nearly 2 years ago, I've consumed and masturbated to gay pornography. So that's still part of my sexuality, albeit unwantedly.
feminist_sex, which can be found here: http://community.livejournal.com/feminist_sex/12900.html?view=180324&style=mine#t180324.
Response follows:
before radical feminism got to me, my sexuality was VERY different. For example, I used to be pro-porn. I consumed it voraciously almost whenever I could from about the age of 9-12, along with misogynist romance novels. My sexual fantasies focused on het intercourse and fellatio and the occasional "kinky" so-called "lesbian action." But I still masturbated clitorally, trying fruitlessly sometimes to achieve the "proper" orgasm, through vaginal "penetration."
When a was a baby feminist at 12, I started rejecting het porn, and instead decided, "dammit, I'm a lesbian." Within a few months of that, I got into gay porn and gay depictions of egalitarian sexuality. I was aroused by depictions of child sexual abuse (usually only with male victims), men raping men, S/M, etc.
The abusive fantasies began to upset me big time at 14. I was supposed to be a feminist. I managed to get rid of the s/m and rape no problem, but pedophilia was easier said than done. I still am at times aroused and fantasize about CSA, as long as it's "consensual," the child is the leader, etc.
At 13 or 14, for a few months, het sex turned me off completely, and I decided I wanted to become a gay man--sex reassignment surgery and all.
Beginning when I was 15, I got into poly-perverse, for lack of a better term, sexuality. I have radical feminism to thank for this. I began finding many kinds of sex (as in gay, bi, straight, lesbian, threesome) erotic. I learned to love my vulva and clitoris again. I became less focussed on intercourse, to the point hetero-intercourse was completely absent from my wants and fantasies, and gay male intercourse only took up about 15-20% of my fantasy time. Until I was seventeen, I was still predominantly gay male in my sexuality. Then I became mostly straight woman. Meaning, in my fantasy life, and subsequently my sexual thoughts about and acts with two males off and on, at times in threesomes (now just one) Now, the simplified order would be:
1) straight woman
2) gay man
3) straight man
4) lesbian
As I mentioned earlier, my sexuality is about 80% of where i want it to be. But I can't seem to stop eroticizing kids being taken advantage of sexually. By the by, I am usually the child, whether the child is female or male.
Damn, that was long. If anyone made their way through that, congrats.
shit, forgot something. As recently as nearly 2 years ago, I've consumed and masturbated to gay pornography. So that's still part of my sexuality, albeit unwantedly.