(no subject)
One year ago, on this date, I lost the person I love the most in the world. Today, I'd like to dedicate something to her memory.
Dear Love,
I don't think I deserve to write this letter. I don't think I deserve trying to reach you again, but some things need to be said. Please allow me to be selfish just one more time.
I loved you. Did you know that? Did you know that I meant it when I called you 'Love'? I didn't show it well. Someone told me that I'm an insensitive, unappreciative bitch. She's right. But I loved you. In my own way, I loved you. I loved you so, so much.
I'm so sorry for not coming to that reunion and meeting you when I could. I'm so sorry for not trying hard enough to see you again. I'm so sorry I never properly said goodbye. I walked away and didn't look back. I forgot. I was too proud. And now all I want is to hear your 'okiotsukete' once more. Did you know that no one said that to me before? No one cared before you. Yet I took it for granted. I took you for granted. I thought there would be another time for appreciation, for affection. I was so, so wrong.
I thought about looking for you but I was too ashamed. You were brilliant and I was nothing. So I kept delaying. I kept telling myself 'next time'. 'Next time I'll see you and make you proud', 'next time I'll see you and I'll make you happy', 'next time I'll see you and we'll smile and laugh like we used to', 'next time we'll talk about how happy you are and how boring my life is'. But there's no next time.
When was the last time I saw you? Was it at our graduation? Did I hug you properly? Did I say 'goodbye' or 'see you someday'? I hate my forgetfulness. I hate that my memory is fading away. I hate that I don't even have a single picture of you. I hate that the image of you laying peacefully in that coffin has begun to blur. I'm afraid, Love. I'm afraid I will only have your name in my memory one day.
I dream of you sometimes, and it’s such a huge relief that I still remember your face, your voice, your smile, your everything. Sometime I wake up believing you’re still here, and it hurts when I realize you’re not. I tell myself that it’s enough having you in my dream, in my memory. But it’s not enough. I want you in my arms. I need you in my arms.
God, I loved you. I really did. You're my friend, my love, my wife and what did I do for you? Nothing. Did I ever make you happy at all? God, I wish I had asked. I wish I had done something to take away some of your pain. I wish I had made you happier, felt better. I wish you're still here with me. I wish I could turn back time and say goodbye. Just that one word. Just a goodbye. Why was I so stupid and never said that to you?
I hope you knew that I cared. I hope you knew you're never forgotten. I hope you knew that I missed you. I don't deserve your forgiveness so I won't ask for it. Just please know that you're my only one, that you'll always be my only one. No one will ever replace you. No one will ever be able to. I love you. I will always do.
Yours eternally,
Ryu
Songs:
Adia (lyric)
You are My Sunshine (lyric)
Aishiteru (lyric and translation)
Today (lyric and translation)
Orenji no Taiyou (lyric and translation)
Link to original story I made for her
If this heart stops beating
Will the pain go away?
I'm still chasing your ghost
Our past, what I never said
Oh, Love. Oh, My Love
Missing you everyday
Dying everyday
It's too little, it's never enough
To show what I never said
They can laugh at what
They won't understand
What we... I had
Was no less true than what they lack
Oh, Love. Oh, My Love
This heart still hurts for you
Oh, Love. Oh, My Love
It's far too late
But let me say it
I love you
(special thanks to anyajulia for the help with audacity in Adia)
Dear Love,
I don't think I deserve to write this letter. I don't think I deserve trying to reach you again, but some things need to be said. Please allow me to be selfish just one more time.
I loved you. Did you know that? Did you know that I meant it when I called you 'Love'? I didn't show it well. Someone told me that I'm an insensitive, unappreciative bitch. She's right. But I loved you. In my own way, I loved you. I loved you so, so much.
I'm so sorry for not coming to that reunion and meeting you when I could. I'm so sorry for not trying hard enough to see you again. I'm so sorry I never properly said goodbye. I walked away and didn't look back. I forgot. I was too proud. And now all I want is to hear your 'okiotsukete' once more. Did you know that no one said that to me before? No one cared before you. Yet I took it for granted. I took you for granted. I thought there would be another time for appreciation, for affection. I was so, so wrong.
I thought about looking for you but I was too ashamed. You were brilliant and I was nothing. So I kept delaying. I kept telling myself 'next time'. 'Next time I'll see you and make you proud', 'next time I'll see you and I'll make you happy', 'next time I'll see you and we'll smile and laugh like we used to', 'next time we'll talk about how happy you are and how boring my life is'. But there's no next time.
When was the last time I saw you? Was it at our graduation? Did I hug you properly? Did I say 'goodbye' or 'see you someday'? I hate my forgetfulness. I hate that my memory is fading away. I hate that I don't even have a single picture of you. I hate that the image of you laying peacefully in that coffin has begun to blur. I'm afraid, Love. I'm afraid I will only have your name in my memory one day.
I dream of you sometimes, and it’s such a huge relief that I still remember your face, your voice, your smile, your everything. Sometime I wake up believing you’re still here, and it hurts when I realize you’re not. I tell myself that it’s enough having you in my dream, in my memory. But it’s not enough. I want you in my arms. I need you in my arms.
God, I loved you. I really did. You're my friend, my love, my wife and what did I do for you? Nothing. Did I ever make you happy at all? God, I wish I had asked. I wish I had done something to take away some of your pain. I wish I had made you happier, felt better. I wish you're still here with me. I wish I could turn back time and say goodbye. Just that one word. Just a goodbye. Why was I so stupid and never said that to you?
I hope you knew that I cared. I hope you knew you're never forgotten. I hope you knew that I missed you. I don't deserve your forgiveness so I won't ask for it. Just please know that you're my only one, that you'll always be my only one. No one will ever replace you. No one will ever be able to. I love you. I will always do.
Yours eternally,
Ryu
Songs:
Adia (lyric)
You are My Sunshine (lyric)
Aishiteru (lyric and translation)
Today (lyric and translation)
Orenji no Taiyou (lyric and translation)
Link to original story I made for her
If this heart stops beating
Will the pain go away?
I'm still chasing your ghost
Our past, what I never said
Oh, Love. Oh, My Love
Missing you everyday
Dying everyday
It's too little, it's never enough
To show what I never said
They can laugh at what
They won't understand
What we... I had
Was no less true than what they lack
Oh, Love. Oh, My Love
This heart still hurts for you
Oh, Love. Oh, My Love
It's far too late
But let me say it
I love you
(special thanks to anyajulia for the help with audacity in Adia)