East Attic, late Thursday night
Bel wanted privacy to deal with Claire. He was having enough of a hard time accepting what he had done -- he didn't need any others to past judgment on him, or to pity him. The East Attic had been empty since Piper, Veronica, and Chloe had moved out, so he shimmered there and settled in one of the bedrooms, sitting on the floor, his back to the wall, waiting for the ghost to appear.
It didn't take long for Claire to appear. She didn't say anything, content to simply watch him.
"Seems I have to deal with you to get rid of you," Bel said tiredly. "You're not just going to go away."
Claire gave him a look. "I told you what you have to do."
"Remember you," Bel sighed. "Okay, I remember you. That good enough?"
"You have to remember everything," Claire said.
"Why?"
"Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it," Claire recited. Her tone was one of a schoolgirl mimicking an oft-repeated lesson and she didn't appear to be aware of the actual meaning behind the words.
Bel rubbed his forehead. "I dreamed of it, wasn't that enough?" He didn't mention that, being a dream, the details faded upon waking.
"I guess not since I'm still here," Claire said.
"Then tell me what I did," Bel said. "Let's get this over with."
"I can't tell you," Claire said. "But I can show you."
She reached out her hand and placed it on Bel's shoulder.
The room spun and suddenly Bel found himself in the past....
Raynor had ordered the upper class of the Brotherhood and the older members of the middle class to gather in the training chamber. Bel stood off to one side as always, trying to remain unnoticed, but that didn't stop Vornac from swaggering over to him. Bel tried to duck out of the way, but Vornac grabbed and him pushed him up against the wall. "Important class today," Vornac said, ruffling Bel's hair in mock affection. "Can't wait for you to screw up."
Bel glared. "Get off me," he growled. He hated Vornac more than any other of the members of the Brotherhood. Vornac always led the taunting and the bullying, like it was his personal mission to hurt Bel as much as possible.
"Raynor's not going to protect you forever, half-breed," Vornac sneered. "The minute his back is turned, you're mine. Don't forget that."
Bel had seen what belonging to Vornac meant. "I'll kill you first," he vowed with all the resolve a ten-year-old demon could muster.
Vornac laughed, letting him go as Raynor entered the chamber. "You're welcome to try," he said lowly. "It will just make it more fun when I break you." Then he rejoined the older boys, all of them looking over at Bel and laughing.
"Today I have a surprise for you," Raynor said. He beckoned to several demons who stood waiting behind him. They dragged several squirming figures to the center of the chamber, women, men, and girls, all bound and gagged. Witches, Bel sensed immediately.
"This is not a test of skill or survival," Raynor went on. "Each of you is to kill one of these witches, simply to get a feel for what killing will be. You must develop a taste for it to succeed as a true demon." His gaze rested on Bel briefly. "Use your hands or use an athame. Make it close. Make it personal."
Vornac eagerly volunteered to go first. He chose a young woman and conjured his athame. Bel had to look away as Vornac tortured his victim, prolonging the kill, taking his time to enjoy it until Raynor ordered him to finish. The other upper classmen went next, each killing their witch without hesitation.
Then it was Bel's turn. Raynor selected his girl for him, a young girl with long light brown hair. He pushed her to her knees at Bel's feet. "Do not disappoint me, Belthazor," Raynor warned.
Bel summoned his athame. He gazed down at the witch, into her proud but frightened eyes, and his hand began to tremble. He looked back at Raynor. "I...I can't," he said.
Raynor shook his head and turned his back.
Vornac was on him first, of course. He punched Bel hard in the stomach, then the jaw. The other boys ringed around them, kicking at Bel as he fell, shouting encouragement to Vornac. Bel struggled and fought back at first, but Vornac was stronger than he. "Knew you were going to screw up," Vornac hissed in his ear. "Now your ass is mine."
Bel curled into a ball, trying to protect his head. Abruptly the laughing and kicking stopped, and Vornac stood up. Bel looked up to see that Raynor had turned back around. The boys around him parted as Raynor angrily strode forward and grabbed Bel's arm, yanking him to his feet. He flung him to his knees before the young witch. "Do your duty, Belthazor," Raynor said. "Do not disappoint me again." He dropped Bel's athame beside him and stepped back.
Bel picked up the athame. He seized a handful of the witch's hair and jerked her head back. Her eyes held his, seeking some sign of mercy. He had none. It was her life or his. He would live as a demon or die as a human. And he wanted to live.
He drew the blade across her throat, slashing fast and deep to try to make her death quick. Her blood spurted messily over his hands and chest. She made a muffled cry behind her gag, then slumped to the ground as her life bled out.
Bel stared at the blood on his hands, struggling not to cry, then looked up at Raynor, who favored him with a cold smile and told him to kill the rest of the witches himself. He could tell from Raynor's voice that he no longer had his protection. Vornac knew it, too, and grinned at him from across the room.
He was a demon. He'd learn to adapt and survive. He'd made his choice.
Then the vision ended, and Bel came back to awareness. He was curled in the corner, arms wrapped around himself. That was what he didn't want to remember. He said he didn't have a choice, but he did, and he chose his life over Claire's. He chose to give in to his demon side and stop fighting it. Die human or live as a demon. He'd chosen to live and embrace the evil within him.
Claire looked at him sadly.
"I was all tied up," she said. "I couldn't fight back."
"I know," Bel said, averting his eyes from her. "I didn't want to hurt you...but I did it anyway."
Claire simply nodded.
"I chose to kill you," Bel finally admitted. He flinched, seeing the blood on his hands again and her eyes locked on his as he let her body fall to the ground.
Claire nodded again.
Bel closed his eyes against the tears he felt starting to well. "I'm sorry," he whispered.
Claire smiled at him.
"Don't forget me," she said before disappearing.
Bel stayed huddled in the dark for a long time, trying to find a way to deal with what he'd done. There was no easy answer forthcoming.
[ooc: Pre-played with marsheadtilt, my own personal ghost. :) ]
It didn't take long for Claire to appear. She didn't say anything, content to simply watch him.
"Seems I have to deal with you to get rid of you," Bel said tiredly. "You're not just going to go away."
Claire gave him a look. "I told you what you have to do."
"Remember you," Bel sighed. "Okay, I remember you. That good enough?"
"You have to remember everything," Claire said.
"Why?"
"Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it," Claire recited. Her tone was one of a schoolgirl mimicking an oft-repeated lesson and she didn't appear to be aware of the actual meaning behind the words.
Bel rubbed his forehead. "I dreamed of it, wasn't that enough?" He didn't mention that, being a dream, the details faded upon waking.
"I guess not since I'm still here," Claire said.
"Then tell me what I did," Bel said. "Let's get this over with."
"I can't tell you," Claire said. "But I can show you."
She reached out her hand and placed it on Bel's shoulder.
The room spun and suddenly Bel found himself in the past....
Raynor had ordered the upper class of the Brotherhood and the older members of the middle class to gather in the training chamber. Bel stood off to one side as always, trying to remain unnoticed, but that didn't stop Vornac from swaggering over to him. Bel tried to duck out of the way, but Vornac grabbed and him pushed him up against the wall. "Important class today," Vornac said, ruffling Bel's hair in mock affection. "Can't wait for you to screw up."
Bel glared. "Get off me," he growled. He hated Vornac more than any other of the members of the Brotherhood. Vornac always led the taunting and the bullying, like it was his personal mission to hurt Bel as much as possible.
"Raynor's not going to protect you forever, half-breed," Vornac sneered. "The minute his back is turned, you're mine. Don't forget that."
Bel had seen what belonging to Vornac meant. "I'll kill you first," he vowed with all the resolve a ten-year-old demon could muster.
Vornac laughed, letting him go as Raynor entered the chamber. "You're welcome to try," he said lowly. "It will just make it more fun when I break you." Then he rejoined the older boys, all of them looking over at Bel and laughing.
"Today I have a surprise for you," Raynor said. He beckoned to several demons who stood waiting behind him. They dragged several squirming figures to the center of the chamber, women, men, and girls, all bound and gagged. Witches, Bel sensed immediately.
"This is not a test of skill or survival," Raynor went on. "Each of you is to kill one of these witches, simply to get a feel for what killing will be. You must develop a taste for it to succeed as a true demon." His gaze rested on Bel briefly. "Use your hands or use an athame. Make it close. Make it personal."
Vornac eagerly volunteered to go first. He chose a young woman and conjured his athame. Bel had to look away as Vornac tortured his victim, prolonging the kill, taking his time to enjoy it until Raynor ordered him to finish. The other upper classmen went next, each killing their witch without hesitation.
Then it was Bel's turn. Raynor selected his girl for him, a young girl with long light brown hair. He pushed her to her knees at Bel's feet. "Do not disappoint me, Belthazor," Raynor warned.
Bel summoned his athame. He gazed down at the witch, into her proud but frightened eyes, and his hand began to tremble. He looked back at Raynor. "I...I can't," he said.
Raynor shook his head and turned his back.
Vornac was on him first, of course. He punched Bel hard in the stomach, then the jaw. The other boys ringed around them, kicking at Bel as he fell, shouting encouragement to Vornac. Bel struggled and fought back at first, but Vornac was stronger than he. "Knew you were going to screw up," Vornac hissed in his ear. "Now your ass is mine."
Bel curled into a ball, trying to protect his head. Abruptly the laughing and kicking stopped, and Vornac stood up. Bel looked up to see that Raynor had turned back around. The boys around him parted as Raynor angrily strode forward and grabbed Bel's arm, yanking him to his feet. He flung him to his knees before the young witch. "Do your duty, Belthazor," Raynor said. "Do not disappoint me again." He dropped Bel's athame beside him and stepped back.
Bel picked up the athame. He seized a handful of the witch's hair and jerked her head back. Her eyes held his, seeking some sign of mercy. He had none. It was her life or his. He would live as a demon or die as a human. And he wanted to live.
He drew the blade across her throat, slashing fast and deep to try to make her death quick. Her blood spurted messily over his hands and chest. She made a muffled cry behind her gag, then slumped to the ground as her life bled out.
Bel stared at the blood on his hands, struggling not to cry, then looked up at Raynor, who favored him with a cold smile and told him to kill the rest of the witches himself. He could tell from Raynor's voice that he no longer had his protection. Vornac knew it, too, and grinned at him from across the room.
He was a demon. He'd learn to adapt and survive. He'd made his choice.
Then the vision ended, and Bel came back to awareness. He was curled in the corner, arms wrapped around himself. That was what he didn't want to remember. He said he didn't have a choice, but he did, and he chose his life over Claire's. He chose to give in to his demon side and stop fighting it. Die human or live as a demon. He'd chosen to live and embrace the evil within him.
Claire looked at him sadly.
"I was all tied up," she said. "I couldn't fight back."
"I know," Bel said, averting his eyes from her. "I didn't want to hurt you...but I did it anyway."
Claire simply nodded.
"I chose to kill you," Bel finally admitted. He flinched, seeing the blood on his hands again and her eyes locked on his as he let her body fall to the ground.
Claire nodded again.
Bel closed his eyes against the tears he felt starting to well. "I'm sorry," he whispered.
Claire smiled at him.
"Don't forget me," she said before disappearing.
Bel stayed huddled in the dark for a long time, trying to find a way to deal with what he'd done. There was no easy answer forthcoming.
[ooc: Pre-played with marsheadtilt, my own personal ghost. :) ]