Through the crown of the sakura tree - 15
Author: hikjang / delsogno
Fandom: DB5K
Pairings: Changmin x Junsu, Yoochun x Junsu, Yunho x Jaejoong
Genre: Romance, Angst, Psychological
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: They are not mine.
Theme music: Chopin's "Raindrop" Prelude - Vladimir Horowitz. One of my favorite favorite pieces by Chopin, and this is one wonderful interpretation by Horowitz.
Changmin went to school later that day in a very bad mood.
He only got madder as he realized he was not supposed to be in a foul mood at all. He had finished almost all the tasks he was given and thus could take a day off work. He could finally go play basketball that afternoon, and hang out with his friends and his girlfriend. And yet none of these could help him forget the conversation he had had with Junsu the night before.
What Junsu had said sounded to Changmin like how the claim “God is a dictator” would sound to a devout Christian.
God includes both Good and Evil, but a Christian would (want to) believe God is good, and more importantly, that God loves him. The mere idea of abandoning God was Unforgivable - more because the person would not forgive himself than because the society would not, but it doesn’t mean he has never thought it at all. To many people, exactly because they have had moments of doubts, that they have created this bulwark against the idea of betraying God. Whenever something or someone come and tell them to abandon God, this guard would rise up, exactly because they know deep inside there is a part that respond to the temptation.
It was like that to Changmin. He found Junsu’s words so disturbing because they had touched a part deep inside him that yearned to break away. But this yearning was against anything and everything that Changmin had been taught, all his life. Changmin had been told, since forever, that it was wrong to like anything but his family’s business, and Changmin shunned even the thought of doing otherwise.
Sure, he did like Architecture, he could observe and design for hours on end, or watch and decipher people’s behavior because he also liked Psychology, but they were mere hobbies. Even if they were more than that, if they were passions, Changmin had never thought of pursuing them for life. Though in his wildest dreams he had sometimes imagined it, it was only like how a person would sometimes dream of being able to fly. What was dangerous was that, Junsu had made it seem like being able to fly is really possible. Newtonian physics says otherwise: You simply cannot fly, you would die trying to do so - exactly the reason why people condemn those who attempt to fly as being insane.
But, isn’t the thought of flying still so beautiful? Didn’t Changmin love beautiful architects, and learning people’s thoughts so?
Junsu had touched this sensitive spot inside Changmin, the little tiny part that yearned for those forbidden things. And it freaked Changmin out. Just like how you would freak out when one day, as you feel most discontented and weary of life, Satan comes in front of you and says, “Hey, let’s leave God.”
Changmin knew better than to give Satan a chance.
So he decided not to go to Junsu’s recital in the end. To go was to see Junsu on a grand stage for the first time, and already having some idea of what a good pianist Junsu was, Changmin feared that it would be a blow to whatever resistance he still had inside.
He had given Yuri and Minho the tickets though. When they came back, he couldn’t help but asked, “How was it?”
Minho gave Changmin a stoned look. The younger boy inhaled and exhaled, and it took him one or two more minutes to finally form a sentence. “It was... indescribably wonderful, Changmin-hyung.”
Yuri, on the other hand, remained silent. Changmin thought she didn’t want to say, so he did not ask anymore.
However, that night, after they’d made love, when Changmin was too tired and about to drift off into sleep, he heard Yuri said.
“Oppa, I don’t think you should get too close to Junsu-ssi.”
Yuri had said that, but she apparently couldn’t prevent Junsu and Changmin from meeting again.
It rained hard a day or two after that day. Everything was covered by the grey color of the rain. Just looking at it made one feel cold. You could smell the cold, and also taste it on the tip of your tongue, as raindrops fell on your face an ran down on your lips. So cold, so cold. Your face felt numb.
Junsu closed his eyes. The rain was falling on his body as he stood under it. It was washing away all that he wanted to get rid of, and so strongly as if it wanted to wash the whole of him away too. He wanted to smile, but apparently couldn’t, for raindrops felt like thousands of needles on his face and whatever exposed skin he got.
Junsu felt like he was part of the rain. At least, just as cold.
Until a strong, very warm hand caught his wrist. “Are you crazy?” That person shouted, jerking him around.
Junsu opened his eyes.
“Changmin?”
“You’re freaking insane!” Changmin shouted again, as he pulled Junsu to an expensive BMW and practically threw him inside. Changmin himself didn’t get in immediately though. He went to the back to get a big dry towel, and carrying it under his umbrella, he then opened the door on the driver’s side and got in. He threw the towel to Junsu. “Use this, I don’t have spare clothes in here. I’ll drive you home.”
Changmin drove them out of the abandoned parking area. During the ride, they did not say anything. Junsu seemed to be off somewhere not in this planet, while looking to the rain outside. Inside the car they couldn’t hear the sound of the rain or of anything belonging to the rest of the world. But it was Junsu’s quietness that got Changmin uncomfortable. Junsu seemed unlike anything last week, when he confronted Changmin with questions that got Changmin restless.
Is he mad because I didn’t go to the recital? Changmin thought. So he tried, “I couldn’t come last time, I had work.”
Junsu made no sound in reply.
Changmin sighed. He continued to drive in silence.
They soon arrived at the building where Junsu lived. It was an old apartment building, near a the busy market in East Seoul. This time, Changmin decided he should bring Junsu up to his apartment himself. God knows what the crazy brown-haired man would do if left alone!
They got to the 5th floor. Junsu turned the key slowly, and the door of his apartment was opened with a loud shriek. They entered a dark room, which smelled like coldness and wet soil, blended with a faint fragrance of November lilies. Changmin remembered, those were Junsu’s favorite flowers. When the light was on, he could see there was indeed a vase of lilies in the middle of the room.
The table where the vase of lilies laid was perhaps the neastest place in the whole living area. On the wall, there were cracks and peels on the old blue, weathered paint. It was a small apartment Junsu shared with Jaejoong, and it didn’t help that there were a whole grand, albeit old, piano in the corner of the room, with one or two cello cases around. Bulky carton boxes stood everywhere on the granite floor, which was covered with a reddish, funnily-patterned rug.
“Jaejoong-hyung is moving out to live with Yunho-hyung next week,” Junsu said.
“Oh,” Changmin made a sound. He remembered that handsome brunet cellist, Jaejoong, and the beautiful bar owner named Yunho. So they were both gay too. What was this? A group of gay people? Changmin didn’t feel comfortable with this at all. As if he was getting close with a bunch of queers.
Junsu gestured to some Japanese sitting pillows around the short table for Changmin to sit down. While Changmin was trying to fit his long legs into the small space under the table, Junsu went to the bathroom. Junsu started stripping from before reaching it, and when Changmin accidentally looked to that side, he had to look away right after. Even though he had slept with Junsu twice (technically, it was not even “sleep”, for he had never fell asleep after sex with Junsu), he didn’t want to be reminded of the fact that he had done so with a guy.
End 15
Fandom: DB5K
Pairings: Changmin x Junsu, Yoochun x Junsu, Yunho x Jaejoong
Genre: Romance, Angst, Psychological
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: They are not mine.
Theme music: Chopin's "Raindrop" Prelude - Vladimir Horowitz. One of my favorite favorite pieces by Chopin, and this is one wonderful interpretation by Horowitz.
Changmin went to school later that day in a very bad mood.
He only got madder as he realized he was not supposed to be in a foul mood at all. He had finished almost all the tasks he was given and thus could take a day off work. He could finally go play basketball that afternoon, and hang out with his friends and his girlfriend. And yet none of these could help him forget the conversation he had had with Junsu the night before.
What Junsu had said sounded to Changmin like how the claim “God is a dictator” would sound to a devout Christian.
God includes both Good and Evil, but a Christian would (want to) believe God is good, and more importantly, that God loves him. The mere idea of abandoning God was Unforgivable - more because the person would not forgive himself than because the society would not, but it doesn’t mean he has never thought it at all. To many people, exactly because they have had moments of doubts, that they have created this bulwark against the idea of betraying God. Whenever something or someone come and tell them to abandon God, this guard would rise up, exactly because they know deep inside there is a part that respond to the temptation.
It was like that to Changmin. He found Junsu’s words so disturbing because they had touched a part deep inside him that yearned to break away. But this yearning was against anything and everything that Changmin had been taught, all his life. Changmin had been told, since forever, that it was wrong to like anything but his family’s business, and Changmin shunned even the thought of doing otherwise.
Sure, he did like Architecture, he could observe and design for hours on end, or watch and decipher people’s behavior because he also liked Psychology, but they were mere hobbies. Even if they were more than that, if they were passions, Changmin had never thought of pursuing them for life. Though in his wildest dreams he had sometimes imagined it, it was only like how a person would sometimes dream of being able to fly. What was dangerous was that, Junsu had made it seem like being able to fly is really possible. Newtonian physics says otherwise: You simply cannot fly, you would die trying to do so - exactly the reason why people condemn those who attempt to fly as being insane.
But, isn’t the thought of flying still so beautiful? Didn’t Changmin love beautiful architects, and learning people’s thoughts so?
Junsu had touched this sensitive spot inside Changmin, the little tiny part that yearned for those forbidden things. And it freaked Changmin out. Just like how you would freak out when one day, as you feel most discontented and weary of life, Satan comes in front of you and says, “Hey, let’s leave God.”
Changmin knew better than to give Satan a chance.
So he decided not to go to Junsu’s recital in the end. To go was to see Junsu on a grand stage for the first time, and already having some idea of what a good pianist Junsu was, Changmin feared that it would be a blow to whatever resistance he still had inside.
He had given Yuri and Minho the tickets though. When they came back, he couldn’t help but asked, “How was it?”
Minho gave Changmin a stoned look. The younger boy inhaled and exhaled, and it took him one or two more minutes to finally form a sentence. “It was... indescribably wonderful, Changmin-hyung.”
Yuri, on the other hand, remained silent. Changmin thought she didn’t want to say, so he did not ask anymore.
However, that night, after they’d made love, when Changmin was too tired and about to drift off into sleep, he heard Yuri said.
“Oppa, I don’t think you should get too close to Junsu-ssi.”
Yuri had said that, but she apparently couldn’t prevent Junsu and Changmin from meeting again.
It rained hard a day or two after that day. Everything was covered by the grey color of the rain. Just looking at it made one feel cold. You could smell the cold, and also taste it on the tip of your tongue, as raindrops fell on your face an ran down on your lips. So cold, so cold. Your face felt numb.
Junsu closed his eyes. The rain was falling on his body as he stood under it. It was washing away all that he wanted to get rid of, and so strongly as if it wanted to wash the whole of him away too. He wanted to smile, but apparently couldn’t, for raindrops felt like thousands of needles on his face and whatever exposed skin he got.
Junsu felt like he was part of the rain. At least, just as cold.
Until a strong, very warm hand caught his wrist. “Are you crazy?” That person shouted, jerking him around.
Junsu opened his eyes.
“Changmin?”
“You’re freaking insane!” Changmin shouted again, as he pulled Junsu to an expensive BMW and practically threw him inside. Changmin himself didn’t get in immediately though. He went to the back to get a big dry towel, and carrying it under his umbrella, he then opened the door on the driver’s side and got in. He threw the towel to Junsu. “Use this, I don’t have spare clothes in here. I’ll drive you home.”
Changmin drove them out of the abandoned parking area. During the ride, they did not say anything. Junsu seemed to be off somewhere not in this planet, while looking to the rain outside. Inside the car they couldn’t hear the sound of the rain or of anything belonging to the rest of the world. But it was Junsu’s quietness that got Changmin uncomfortable. Junsu seemed unlike anything last week, when he confronted Changmin with questions that got Changmin restless.
Is he mad because I didn’t go to the recital? Changmin thought. So he tried, “I couldn’t come last time, I had work.”
Junsu made no sound in reply.
Changmin sighed. He continued to drive in silence.
They soon arrived at the building where Junsu lived. It was an old apartment building, near a the busy market in East Seoul. This time, Changmin decided he should bring Junsu up to his apartment himself. God knows what the crazy brown-haired man would do if left alone!
They got to the 5th floor. Junsu turned the key slowly, and the door of his apartment was opened with a loud shriek. They entered a dark room, which smelled like coldness and wet soil, blended with a faint fragrance of November lilies. Changmin remembered, those were Junsu’s favorite flowers. When the light was on, he could see there was indeed a vase of lilies in the middle of the room.
The table where the vase of lilies laid was perhaps the neastest place in the whole living area. On the wall, there were cracks and peels on the old blue, weathered paint. It was a small apartment Junsu shared with Jaejoong, and it didn’t help that there were a whole grand, albeit old, piano in the corner of the room, with one or two cello cases around. Bulky carton boxes stood everywhere on the granite floor, which was covered with a reddish, funnily-patterned rug.
“Jaejoong-hyung is moving out to live with Yunho-hyung next week,” Junsu said.
“Oh,” Changmin made a sound. He remembered that handsome brunet cellist, Jaejoong, and the beautiful bar owner named Yunho. So they were both gay too. What was this? A group of gay people? Changmin didn’t feel comfortable with this at all. As if he was getting close with a bunch of queers.
Junsu gestured to some Japanese sitting pillows around the short table for Changmin to sit down. While Changmin was trying to fit his long legs into the small space under the table, Junsu went to the bathroom. Junsu started stripping from before reaching it, and when Changmin accidentally looked to that side, he had to look away right after. Even though he had slept with Junsu twice (technically, it was not even “sleep”, for he had never fell asleep after sex with Junsu), he didn’t want to be reminded of the fact that he had done so with a guy.
End 15