[fic] see you around. [chapter ii: protect me]
Jaejoong sits on the white leather sofa elbow on the armrest and chin supported by his hand. He crosses his legs, looking up at Yoochun who stands in front of him.
“No, no dream. I just - have been feeling odd. Sort of.”
Changmin abandons his duties for now and swings around to sit on the other end of the couch, leaning back and regarding Jaejoong lazily.
“Is - is Kim Junsu here, Jaejoong?”
“No, of course not. Why?”
“You have a weird look on your face, hyung. He’s here. It’s written all over your - er, eyes.”
Jaejoong's always been good at acting, but his eyes hold the deepest depth of emotion Yoochun’s ever seen in his life.
“Oh.” Jaejoong goes silent, dropping his gaze.
Yoochun smirks, reaching out a hand to shake Jaejoong’s shoulder teasingly.
“So, the great Kim Jaejoong, the one who never loses composure - shaken to the core. Never thought I’d live to see it.”
“Shut up, Yoochun. It’s - he’s just...” For a moment, the facade slips away completely and Jaejoong’s brow furrows in frustration. Jaejoong sighs, “He’s upstairs.”
Yoochun peers at Jaejoong - not like Yoochun-meets-girl but more like...like he’s really, genuinely concerned and very curious. So Jaejoong lets his head ball back onto the sofa and lets out a long, exasperated sigh.
“Fine, Yoochun. You win, this time. I’ll get him.”
- - - - -
Changmin goes off to find some cookies for Yoochun and himself, and Jaejoong heads upstairs, shaking his head while walking as slowly as can be considered normal. He counts the doors, sixth door on the right is what Changmin said.
He reaches the door, knocking on the rich wood. “Yoochun wants to meet you.” He turns abruptly to leave before realizing that there is no sound inside the room - no telltale rustles of a person getting off the bed or rifling through the closet to look for a decent shirt.
Jaejoong paces back, memories of a night three years before running through his head, and he opens the door. Junsu’s lying face down on the bed - he’s too late, he’s gone too far, and Junsu’s gone forever.
No, please no -
“Junko? Junsu - Jun - shit!” Jaejoong drops the phone and he’s running, the scene before his eyes blurs, branches and leaves tearing at his clothes, he shouts, and everything goes black.
Junsu hears Jaejoong knock, his words, but he’s so tired, is it even worth it anymore?
So he doesn’t answer, choosing instead to close his eyes and place a pillow over his head. Remain motionless. The door clicks open, but he doesn’t hear Jaejoong’s footsteps. He figures Jaejoong simply took a look and left thinking good riddance but he suddenly hears shallow, gasping breaths beside his head, a shout -
Jaejoong.
A body hits the carpet.
Junsu throws the pillow off his head and halfway across the room, sitting up so quickly he almost hurts himself to see Jaejoong crumpled on the ground, and Junsu jumps out of bed in a panic.
“Jaejoong, Joongie, are you okay? Are you - help!” Junsu cries out to the two downstairs, obliviously munching away, watching Jaejoong’s 70” television. He takes the older man into a sitting-half-lying position, cradling him to his chest and littering soft kisses into his hair as the other two men jump in surprise, running up to his room.
Changmin is the only one who responds calmly, and they lift the unconscious man onto Junsu’s bed, tucking him in. They sit anxiously by his side, Junsu at the bay window, Changmin leaning on the wall beside the door opposite the bed. Yoochun slumps in the armchair near the oak desk.
Yoochun soon says he’s tired, so Changmin shows him into a room for the night. When Changmin returns, he places a cup of hot cocoa beside Junsu, and ambles across the hall into his own bedroom. But Junsu sits, frozen but for the occasional sips of cocoa.
He watches Jaejoong’s peaceful face until the next morning at 11:26 AM when the blond-haired man opens his eyes.
The first things Jaejoong spots are Changmin and Yoochun, returned to their previous stations from the night before. A figure outlined in gold by the sun catches his eye - an angel, he thinks, but then realizes it’s just Junsu, his eyes shining in relief. Close enough.
He almost cracks a small smile before stifling it, choosing instead to sit up. “What happened to me?” Changmin and Yoochun exchange wary glances, and then shrug. Yoochun speaks first.
“Don’t know; hyung. Junsu was the only one there when it happened.”
Jaejoong scowls but looks at Junsu; his gaze is like an eagle’s and pierces through Junsu’s eyes. “So, what’s the verdict?” His voice is sarcastic and laced with poison; he dreads this answer because a part of him already knows what it is. Junsu’s just glad he’s okay though, and answers without reluctance.
“You came up to find me, I think, and you just...passed out after shouting, er, something.”
Changmin isn’t such a pushover, frowning at Jaejoong’s tone. “Hyung. Junsu stayed with you all night. Can’t you be a little nicer?”
Sure enough, Jaejoong notices the mug on his bedside table - Junsu blushes and snatches it away before Jaejoong has a chance to comment. But he waves his hand tiredly, “Put it down. What did I say?” He’s got a fleeting memory, he’s not sure he wants to know at all.
Junsu mutters something. “What? I can’t hear you, speak up.”
Junsu looks at him apprehensively. “Nothing. It was...um. Unintelligible.”
His face gives him away like an open book to Jaejoong and he knows he’s had another traumatic flashback. His fears confirmed, yet again. He slumps back, tears threatening to well in his eyes. It’s been three years and still, the dreams, the flashbacks, they’re not going away. He’s not getting any stronger - if anything, he’s getting weaker and he doesn’t know why.
Or - perhaps he does, but he won’t admit it - won’t admit he needs Junsu like he needs oxygen.
“Jae, I think you should give Junsu a hug.” Yoochun speaks unexpectedly and the two mentioned look at him with incredulous expressions on their face. “What? It’s good for your treatment, hyung.” He turns to Junsu, winking, “He’s got abandonment issues.” Junsu winces and looks away, eyes downcast.
Jaejoong has thrown back the covers and is striding furiously out of the room when Yoochun calls out behind him.
“I’m suggesting it as a friend and ordering you, as your doctor.” As a side note, he adds, “Do it, or I’ll get Yunho to come over. And I won’t come over for a month.”
Changmin smirks as Jaejoong freezes to look back over his shoulder. Junsu suspects a deeper, darker meaning, but he really doesn’t want to know. But all his thoughts are cut short as Jaejoong’s arm wrap - protectively? - around his shoulders, and god he’s missed this so much.
He winds his own arms around Jaejoong’s waist, chin falling over his shoulder like it’s meant to be there and his heart goes haywire.
Jaejoong stifles a chuckle when he feels the erratic beating of Junsu’s heart against his chest and he closes his eyes, rubbing Junsu’s back with one hand. Junsu’s heartbeat quickens, then slowly returns to normal and Jaejoong almost melts into the warmth before realizing what he’s just done.
He pushes Junsu, who’s smiling timidly, away, and walks out of the room, muttering about abuse of power and shady manipulation, ignoring Yoochun’s smug smile.
Junsu turns to Yoochun, “Thank you.”
Yoochun winks at the happy boy, “Only for your pretty face.”
Junsu laughs shortly, now he sees who Jaejoong learned from.
Jaejoong ignores Junsu for the next week, and the tension created by their awkward silence extends to reach every corner of the house. Junsu eventually can’t take it anymore, and he decides to talk to Jaejoong before bed one night. He walks up confidently to Jaejoong’s door and knocks. It doesn’t open. There’s no sound but for the turning of a page as Jaejoong reads a book.
“Jaejoong? Alright. I know you’re in there and you can hear me, and that’s good enough. The thing is, I’ve known you long enough to know that it’s all just a wall - a wall that I’ve been on the other side of, and I know you’re hurting but please, I don’t know what more I can do. I’ve been on the other side of the wall, and it was just me and you. And now that I’m gone, I know you’re alone, and you’re isolated. You don’t have anybody, Jaejoong. I know you’re alone and I don’t want you to be hurting alone. I’ll keep trying until I get through to you.”
There’s silence on the other side of the door as every word stabs Jaejoong through the heart, truth, truth, truth, and the blankets rustle as he takes out his frustration.
“...Jaejoong? Are you okay, or have the sheets eaten you?”
Junsu can’t see him, so Jaejoong rolls his eyes fondly and clicks off the light.
“Good night, Kim Junsu.”
It’s the first time Jaejoong’s called him anything but him, or he, or you, and he thinks maybe he can hear a little bit of a reluctant laugh in there. So he counts it as a victory for now.
“Good night, Jaejoongie. I love you.”
( chapter three)