[fic] Just an ordinary love - PART 2
2010
"Ryo, don't you want to teach me guitar?"
"I think this task isn't listed in the contract I've signed with JE" answered Ryo, but he was smiling. Kame, who had a guitar case in his hand, grinned and sat by Ryo’s side, causing a shiver in his body. He wondered if he would ever get used to those sensations that appeared whenever Kame was near.
"Why do you want to learn it, so suddenly?" he questioned, observing Kame taking the guitar out of its case.
"For a new performance at Shounen Club"
"Why the hell do you need to play guitar, don't you have to just lick your lips or wink to the cameras to please your fangirls?"
Kame arched an indignant eyebrow: "I don't sing only for fan service purposes, okay? And I always wanted to learn guitar, but I've never had the time for it"
"If you used the time you waste with beauty treatments to learn a new instrument, you'd be the Japanese Springsteen by now", he replied. “What song will we be rehearsing?"
"Aishiterukara..." answered Kame, adjusting the instrument in his lap. "What better way of learning it than from its own creator, right?"
"Hmmm... let's see how much you know of playing a guitar" said Ryo, ignoring the pleasant feeling that came from the fact that Kame wanted to play HIS song - 'well, of course he wants to play it, you idiot, it's his latest solo, after all!'
They didn’t have too much time to practice due to a meeting with representatives of a company for which Kame was probably going to do an advertisement. Therefore, after 30 minutes of lesson, Ryo was announcing they had to get going to the appointment.
"Eh? Already? Okay then just let me review it... errrr this is a B, right?" Kame asked, while positioning his fingers in the guitar.
"No, no, THIS is a B!" Ryo approached Kame and hold his fingers in the right position. Suddenly, a hot breath in his forehead told him that Ryo was TOO close of Kame, making the rational part of his brain alert him to move away... but his body wanted to STAY in that position, where he could feel Kame's vanilla scent and the heat from his body, the accelerated rhythm of the idol's breathing brushing his face...
The fingers under his moved broking the spell and startling Ryo, who quickly returned to his previous position. "S-sorry", he mumbled. How much time they had stayed in that position? Seconds? Minutes? Days, perhaps? He got up and rushed to the door, while hurrying Kame without looking back.
In the car, there was a silence too heavy to Ryo feel comfortable. Seeking for a bit of distraction, he decided to turn on the radio, which proved to be a wrong decision, since it was airing a program about celebrities’ gossips, and the issue was Akanishi's imminent departure from KAT-TUN. One of the hosts firmly believed the A of the band would be leaving the group soon, and they were speculating if the success would continue, and if Kamenashi Kazuya was talented enough to fill the gap left by Akanishi.
Ryo quickly turned off the radio, angrily. It was obvious that those guys didn't even know the group well, and probably the only members they knew were Kamenashi and Akanishi. Ryo discreetly looked to his side, but Kame had his face turned to the window.
A minute passed like this, until Kame interrupted Ryo's internal process of finding some amenity to talk about.
"Ryo… how much time do you think we'll be able to survive without Akanishi?
Ryo's first impulse was to shout that the group didn't need Jin to be successful, that the five of them were more than enough... but this impulsive and irrational speech probably wasn't what Kame needed now... Then he considered a 100% rational analysis of why KAT-TUN had a great chance of succeeding, plus throwing some statistical data of the ‘Bokura no Machi de’ era... But Kame wasn't dumb, he probably knew everything Ryo could say, perhaps even better, since he still wasn't working with Kame when Jin left the group the first time.
So, Ryo did the only thing he thought Kame needed that moment: at the red light, Ryo stopped the car, put a hand at Kame's shoulder and pulled him to an embrace, slowly saying "It's okay. Don't worry too much, because it doesn't change anything. The other members are still with you, and... Well, I'm here as well"
Ryo pretended he wasn’t noticing how his shirt was becoming slightly wet.
*
When it was officially - and finally - announced that Jin would be leaving the group, everybody was too busy to pay further attention - the only thing they thought was "Ok, let's move on with our life". Because KAT-TUN was holding their first Asia concert tour, a reason of joy and relief for the group, especially considering the wide audience they were having even without one of the members.
The tour was a source of double joy for Ryo; not only because of the opportunity to travel through Asia, but because all of his loser Kansai friends were, in some aspect, involved in the organization of the concerts. Yasuda was the responsible for the figurine, Maruyama was the main choreographer for all their dances, Hina was taking care of the financial aspects of the tour, Subaru had arranged the playlist and done the adjustments to cover Akanishi’s absent voice and Ohkura was part of the creative department responsible for organizing Johnny’s concerts. And, of course, there was Yokoyama, still working as Taguchi-kun’s manager (although Ryo couldn’t understand how someone so inattentive like Yoko could manage another person’s life).
The tour was being an enormous successful, and no big mishaps had happened; at least, until their last concert in Japan.
It would be comical, almost like a comedy plot, if it wasn’t so tragic. Basically, the musicians working with the group during all the tour had went to some bar to celebrate the near ending of the concerts, and they had eaten some spoiled food that made them being admitted at the hospital, urgently. They wouldn’t be able to recover in time to that night’s concert, and the staff was desperate because, even though they had recordings of the audios used during the concert, it wasn't the same as having a band playing live. The sound technicians were driving crazy, thinking about sound adjustments they'd have to make and the adaptations considering the infra-structure previously defined.
However, amidst all the mess, it was possible to hear Subaru still defending the use of real musicians in the concerts.
"Don't be stupid!" scolded Murakami, hitting Subaru's head "Where could we find good musicians capable of learning the group's songs in a few hours, and do it with competence?"
"We don’t need to find them, we already have these musicians..." answered a pouting Subaru, soothing the place hit by Murakami. These words seemed to attract some attention from the people around.
"Hah? What do you mean?"
Subaru assumed a superior pose and calmly said: "we have a talented guitarist and costume designer that likes to play KAT-TUN's songs during his breaks and knows the order of the playlist based on the figurines he created for the performances. We have a bassist who HAS to know their songs since he choreographed them. There's a drummer who is a fan of the group AND works organizing Johnny’s concerts, including this one. The manager of one of the members plays bongos and a bit of trumpet, and the manager of another member is a guitarrist who closely accompanies the rehearsals of the concerts. There's a financial manager who has been using KAT-TUN's songs to learn piano, and, finally, a sound technician who knows KAT-TUN's songs by core, after all these months working in their sound checks (that's me, by the way). So, do we have a band or not?" triumphantly asked Subaru, after pointing out Yasu, Maru, Ohkura, Yoko, Ryo, Murakami and himself, in that other.
"What?!!" Was the collective scream, except for Maru, who seemed to be seriously considering the idea.
"We aren't professional musicians..." started Yasu with an uncertain face.
"We haven't rehearsed a single time..." argued Ohkura.
"Hina, since when did you start piano lessons?" asked Yoko, curious.
"It doesn't matter!" shouted Murakami to Yoko. And then to Subaru: "Are you fucking out of your senses? This is a Johnny’s concert, how do you think a bunch of amateurs like us..."
"All of us helped creating this tour together!" interrupted Subaru angrily, "so we have the right, no, the DUTY of creating a good work till the end! Besides, all of us - well, except for you, Hina - have jammed together a lot of times, right? Even some KAT-TUN's songs - with Ryo's suggestion, of course" he added in the end, throwing a significant look to Ryo, who was standing next to Kame.
"This is insane" muttered Ryo. Kame looked for a moment to his manager and then said in a loud voice:
"I think Subaru-kun is right. As musicians, you aren't any amateurs, 'cuz I've seen you playing before, and I'm able to tell when I hear someone with skills or not. And if there is someone who knows well how the concert works, you are the ones, since you helped organizing and creating the whole show! I trust you"
Kame squeezed Ryo's hand and gave him a firm nod. With Kame's speech, the rest of the staff started giving signs that they agreed with the decision. All the members of KAT-TUN looked satisfied with the new arrangement, and Taguchi added:
"There's no need to worry, because even if some mistakes happen, we'll be there to cover it!"
"Yeah, we're the stars of this show, after all" completed Koki.
Ryo huffed: "We won't make any mistakes, what are you thinking? We didn't start playing yesterday, and me and Yasu are better guitarists than that Ueda guy, for example!"
Ueda scoffed. "You have to do a damn good show before saying anything about me, baka!" Everybody laughed, and Ryo felt some confidence growing inside of him.
"Ok, let's do it! Come on, we just have some hours to rehearse!" cheered up Murakami, getting up from his chair, a big-toothed smile in his face.
The next few hours passed on a blur, the seven guys playing like their lives depended on it, with the support of KAT-TUN and the staff to indicate when they had to play, when were their breaks, and the order of the songs.
Some curses, angry words and nicer clothes (courtesy of Yasuda Shota) later, the concert started for real, and Ryo felt like he would either puke or run away from the stadium the fastest way possible. Maru, at his side, patted him on the shoulder, but Ryo could see how the bassist's hand trembled. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath to calm his nerves...
...And, suddenly, the cheers from the crowd reached his ears.
Of course, he had watched countless concerts before, and he knew how the audience would start calling for their idols and shouting their names when the show was about to start. But it was SO different to hear them from the stage, behind the curtains. It was powerful, like a wave of energy being sent towards them.
"Ok, guys, let's do it!" shouted Kame, claiming the staff to join their hands and make a circle before the beginning of the concert. Kame's hand joined his, leaving a warmth that stayed with Ryo during all the show, as well as Kame’s soft gaze towards him.
It was one of the best experiences in Ryo’s life. Even though he had committed a lot of brief mistakes, the cheers resounding in his ears, the applauses, the lights above his head, the heavy weight of the guitar in his hands and the pleased faces towards them (okay, towards KAT-TUN members, but it was almost like the fans were also looking to them) made Ryo’s insides burn with excitement; he felt like some missing part in his soul had finally found its way back, and he was fulfilled. Ryo wondered if this was how Kame felt every time he was performing for an audience, and he wished he could have this kind of feeling more often.
Now, Ryo could truly understand what Kame had meant when he had talked about singing for someone else, about transmitting his feelings to another person through music.
2011
When Ryo first admitted he had… well, those strange...feelings for Kame, he hoped and prayed that all of this would just be a phase, and one day Ryo would wake up and realize he wasn’t attracted to Kame at all.
Now, almost two years later, those emotions hadn't disappeared at all.
Ryo couldn’t deny his attraction anymore. Kame was superbly handsome and hot, in a way Ryo didn't dare thinking about even in the solitude of his room. But those images insisted in breaking through his dreams, at least one night per week: brown eyes staring at him while calloused fingers ran through his body, provoking loud moans and then dissolving into nothing, when his alarm would wake him up in the morning.
Most of the time, he was able to deal with these feelings pretty well, hiding them in some obscure corner of his mind and focusing on work, like always. There were times, however, when he would caught himself day-dreaming about running his fingers through Kame's soft stylized hair, or wondering how Kame’s muscles would feel under his hand, or imagining kisses with the scent of black, strong coffee.
It was kind of difficult to work with Kame those moments, and at the end of the day, he would release the tension in the arms of a stranger picked at a bar or a club; he always choose pretty, cute women, but they couldn't quite fill the need he had for a husky voice whispering at his ear, broad shoulders in which he would support himself during passionated kisses, nor those deep brown eyes who insisted on appearing on his mind while his loud voice communicated his climax in the middle of the night.
But these moments of almost uncontrollable desire were rare, and most days, he was more than comfortable and satisfied by just being at Kame's side. And he didn't want to change any of this, no matter what lustful emotions were buried inside of him.
(The problem was that, perhaps, this was more than just lust. But he wouldn't allow himself to think too much of this).
*
Ryo began to avoid talking about Kame with his friends, trying to hide his feelings from them. He thought he was being very successful, since they apparently hadn’t notice anything, until one day when he was drinking with Maru, Yasu and Subaru, and Yasu casually asked if him and Kame were already dating.
Ryo spilled half the tea he was drinking across the table. Subaru made a disgusted face, while Maru, who was at Ryo's side, patted his back to help him to not get choked with the beverage. Yasu looked amused and shocked at the same time.
"The fuck?!" exclaimed Ryo, when he finally regained his senses and a bit of his dignity.
"Well... it's because you've been together for so long, and it's clear that you... you know..."
"What? What is so clear about me?!" questioned Ryo feeling his face getting hotter - not from embarrassment, of course, it was from... angriness; yes, he was totally angry, and not embarrassed at all.
"Errr... you see, you cook food for him almost every day..." said Yasu, awkwardly scratching his own head.
"And you two meet even in your days-off to go to the movies or watch some band performing..." continued Maru
"Yeah, and I don't know how many times you rejected my invites to go out because you were going to Kame-chan's house to do I-don't-know-what exactly..."
"It was work-related issues, okay?!"
"Normal people don't have work meetings in their own houses, Ryo-chan."
"Yoko is Taguchi’s manager but they always go out together to play basketball or videogames!!!" protested Ryo.
"Yeah, but usually Subaru-kun or other friends are always with them in those moments" calmly replied Maru, with Subaru's nod of agreement.
"Besides, Yokocho doesn’t let Taguchi-kun lay his head in his shoulder when he is sleepy, unlike you with Kamenashi-kun…" commented Yasu.
"And Yuuchin doesn’t stare at Taguchi-kun with soft eyes, like he is the most important person in this world~" sing-songed Maru with dreamy eyes. Ryo would punch him, if it wasn’t so impossible for him to be violent towards Maru.
“And Yokocho doesn't have the ability of getting coffee for Taguchi-kun even before he asks for one…”
“What are you trying to say, for god sake?!” interrupted Ryo, feigning ignorance about the matter.
“Well, what we are trying to say is that…”
"… Is that you want to get into Kamenashi’s pants and you should do it at once" summed up Subaru, talking for the first time since the beginning of the dinner. Ryo glared at Subaru.
"... even if hypothetically I felt some... well, attraction for him, which I'm not affirming I feel" Subaru rolled up his eyes, "what should I do about it? It' s not like I can just go and say 'hey, I know I am your manager and all but you're hot so I think we should bang'" Maru giggled, but Yasu was looking very serious.
"Is this what you really want, Ryo? Just sex and nothing else?"
Ryo sighed, running a hand through his hair and messing it completely. "I don't know, I... well it's just a crush, anyway. It will hurt a bit in the beginning, but eventually it'll fade". Ryo averted his eyes from the disbelieving looks of the other three. "And, please, don't tell the other about this, especially Yoko, okay?" he said, trying a change on the subject
“Too late...” Subaru was currently typing a message in his phone that Ryo could bet was for Yokoyama.
God, is it too late to change my friends???
*
When, someday, Subaru found Ryo in the music archive room, watching all performances he could find of Kame singing Kizuna with tears in his eyes, their friends declared that this thing was becoming too ridiculous, and Ryo needed to do something about his situation at once.
They tried giving some advices, but they couldn’t come up with anything Ryo could consider useful, or even feasible, and when Yoko mentioned something like a strip-tease, Ryo decided he had heard enough of this foolishness.
Just when he was leaving, Maru hold his arm and said: “Ryo. Just be honest and tell Kamenashi-kun about your true feelings. You shouldn’t try restraining them anymore, it won’t be healthy for you nor fair to Kamenashi-kun”.
The words from Maruyama kept resounding in his head while Ryo drove back home, against his will. It was a silly and crazy idea, but despite Ryo’s efforts to just get rid of them, he couldn’t help but think what could happen if he went to Kame right in that moment and confessed his feelings…
*
“Ryo? What are you doing here?”.
“Eh? Ahhhhm, well, this is indeed a good question...”
Ryo himself couldn’t explain his own behavior. After getting caught in a traffic jam, Ryo realized that if he turned left, he would escape traffic jam, and be on his way to Kame’s house. That was the last conscious thought that crossed Ryo’s mind, because, when Ryo came to his senses, he was already heading to Kame’s house.
Maru’s last advice inevitably came to Ryo’s mind, making him blush strongly.
“Ryo, are you ok? Your face is all red…”
“Kame… Kame I need to say something to you”
“Ok… And what is it?”
Inhale and exhale, inhale and exhale, Ryo!
“Kame… we’ve been working together for a long time, right? And… you know that you’re someone who I really respect and who I feel really close to, right?”
“Yes, and I feel the same for you, Ryo” Kame answered, giving a bright smile to Ryo and totally blanking his mind.
“Errrr… I… So… I just came to tell you that tommorow I won’t be able to take you to the Jimusho by car, because I have a meeting at other place, so you’ll have to go to work by yourself tomorrow, ok?”
“Huh? You came here just to inform me about THIS…? A message would do…?”
“I was actually passing nearby, so I thought I could come and tell you personally! Well, I have to go now! Bye!” Ryo quickly turned away and left the building, ashamed of his own coward behavior
*
Arriving home, Ryo headed straight to his music room, grabbed his old yellow notebook and started writing desperate lyrics, only stopping when he saw the sun rising and shining through the curtains in the room.
The title of the song was “Ordinary”; he didn’t bother creating a melody, though; he was sure he'd never be able to say those words aloud, anyway.
2012
After all those years working for JE and with Kame, Ryo was starting to think he was already too old for this job. Reunions with sponsors were boring, reading long terms of contract was a pain in the ass, dealing with all the false accusations weekly done against Kamenashi Kazuya and trying to suppress the scandals - real or not, but mostly not - that regularly threatened reaching the news were excessively tiring. The only good thing about this job was... well, all the free coffee he obtained at the Jimusho, basically.
"And what about Kame?" inquired Yoko
"What?"
"What about Kame-chan, Ryo?" seconded Maru with an exhasperated tone.
Ryo, Maru, Yasu and Yoko were having dinner together at their traditional takoyaki-place, and Ryo was letting out the stress he was feeling lately with work.
"Dealing with Kame isn't the only thing I do in this job" responded Ryo, his gaze fixed in his plate of takoyakis.
"Because if it were you wouldn't be so grumpy right?" questioned Yoko with an insinuating tone.
"I'm not grumpy" he was now selecting the sauces he'd use in his takoyakis.
"You're averting my question, Dokkun..."
Ryo remained silent.
"Just tell your feelings to Kamenashi-kun, Dokk..."
"One more beer here, please!" yelled Ryo to the bartender, ignoring his friends.
*
Kame was concerned about the behavior that Ryo was beginning to develop regards his work as a manager. Usually, he’d be very active about anything related to Kame’s professional life, going to most of the meetings that required Kame’s presence (even if Ryo’s presence wasn’t obligatory). Now, whenever he could, Ryo would excuse himself and ask Kame to tell him later the result of the discussion. Kame discovered he used this vacant time to compose or write music at any empty rooms he could find in the building (especially KAT-TUN’s dressing room, when they were at the Jimusho). Or he would just take a nap at some random couch, until Kame came and awakened him.
Besides it, when Ryo was present at a reunion, he would be easily distracted, and frequently Kame found him gazing through the window or discreetly looking to his phone and his watch; or he'd be moving his fingers non-stop, as if he was playing a song only heard in his head.
The only moments when Ryo showed a lively face was when he was alone with Kame, mostly when they were driving to some place and especially when they were heading home or to some restaurant after work. But even in these moments, Ryo would sometimes give long sighs or be more silent than usual, staring at the distance like he was trying to make a difficult decision.
Kame wondered if, perhaps, Ryo was already tired of his job as a manager. If he was already done with this world of celebrities, of appearances, of an irregular schedule, of those many rules that dictated what could be done and what couldn't, what was right and what was wrong, rules of how you had to act and what was inoffensive enough to be said.
Perhaps Ryo was tired of taking care of Kame.
*
"The recording took forever to end, what happened?" asked Ryo angrily, at the entrance of the Jimusho. Kame frowned; clearly, Ryo was in a bad mood.
"We had to re-record some passages, so it took longer than I’ve imagined... This kind of thing always happen, I don't understand why you're so upset, it's not like we have any appointment later..."
These days, Kame was feeling like they were back at the first days of their relationship, when Ryo was always complaining about how the idol-job worked or how Kame worked in general; when they were barely more than strangers; when they didn't have anything in common.
"Well, recording stuff do take longer than expected sometimes, but not two hours, for God sake! Oh, don't tell me you had to stay in the studio because YOU weren't satisfied with how the voices were sounding?!” seeing that Kame didn’t deny it, he continued: “Come on Kame, why do you have to be so overly perfectionist?!"
"What's wrong with being perfectionist, what's wrong with doing my best in my work?!" shouted Kame, feeling his level of angriness rising.
"Kame, we started working today at four in the morning, when I had to take you to your shooting, and now it's almost midnight and I had to be waiting like an idiot in the hall for almost TWO FUCKING HOURS, you could have told me something! Because there's a pile of shitty documents I still have to read and sign at home, and I won't be able to go to bed until I go through all of them, and what is worst is that, THEORICALLY today was my day-off, but I couldn't spare a single hour for me at all until now! So yes, I am very, very upset, okay?!"
Kame gulped, a bitter taste in his mouth and a bad feeling in his chest; Ryo constantly complained about work in general, but never with the intensity he was showing at the moment: "Perhaps you're already tired of being my manager?" he asked in a tiny voice, as if he didn't want to know the answer.
"Yes, this job is being a pain in the ass, to be honest!" he replied without thinking, but the moment the words fell from his mouth, Ryo regretted them. Not because he didn't think the job was a pain, because it was, but it wasn't really Kame's fault. However, the damage has been done already: Kame was looking at him with a blank face, but behind those emotionless eyes, Ryo could see he was really hurt. Kame wouldn't show weakness if he didn't want to - and he rarely wanted to - but Ryo was able to tell when the idol was terribly upset. Suddenly, all the rage inside of Ryo disappeared.
"Kame..." he started, but Kame was quickly climbing out of the car - they had reached the front of Kame's apartment building.
He turned back and said to Ryo through the opened window: "Then you don't need to work as my manager anymore. I'll talk with Takeda-san later, and you don't have to bother picking me tomorrow. Good night." It was the coldest voice he had ever heard coming from Kame, and made Ryo shiver violently. Before he could reply, Kame was heading to the entrance of the building, without turning back again.
*
That night, Ryo came back to his house and spent the whole night awake in his bed, incapable of sleeping. When it was finally five in the morning, he got up, prepared a cup of strong, black coffee, and wondered what would he do to apologize to Kame. Ryo wasn't good with talking things aloud, and he never really had to apologize to Kame, because the later always seemed to understand when he was feeling sorry - and vice-versa.
An entire day passed and Ryo still hadn't been able to come up with any decent speech to offer to Kame; somehow, any line he started elaborating in his head ended up with him confessing his feelings to Kame, and this couldn't do, because this wasn't one of the lame songs he used to write for Kame, right?...Right?
All of a sudden, Ryo grabbed his keys, stormed out from his apartment and headed to the Jimusho (where he knew Kame wouldn't be, because there was a shooting that day for Going!). Once there, he reserved a studio room for himself and started composing a song, using the lyrics he had written in his old yellow notebook - the same lyrics he had created a year ago, in the night he couldn't confess his feelings.
After two hours, he was starting to feel desperate because the melody didn't sound right, and his lyrics looked really lame... he started creating a music in the computer but it wasn't working, so now he was just sitting in the ground of the studio, a guitar on his lap, writing down notes that were quicky erased as soon as they were put in the paper...
"Ryo?" Yasu's head was poking through the door, and he asked carefully "what are doing here? It's nine pm already... are you okay?"
Ryo considered saying some lie, but he realized he didn't really care about it anymore. "Writing a song... but I'm having some troubles"
"Okay... do you want me to leave you alone?" Ryo shrugged, and this seemed to be encouragement enough to Yasu approach the other and take a look at Ryo's notebook. "Can I read what you wrote?" Ryo shrugged again, so Yasu took the notebook and started reading the lyrics.
"Oh" he whispered "I understand... What about the melody, though? I see you arranged some chords, but..."
"Yeah, I'm stuck with them, I kinda have an idea in my head, but I can't convert it in notes..."
"Well, I'll help you then!" Yasu grabbed one of the guitars of the studio and joined Ryo on the floor.
"You don't need to, Yasu... If you have something else to do..." Ryo tried not sounding too needy, but Yasu gave him an easy smile.
"Don't worry, Ryo-chan! Kame-chan deserves the best, right?!"
Ryo blushed and didn't comment anything.
Yasu was a great song-written, so it was nice working with him. However, even with their skills combined, Ryo still wasn’t entirely satisfied with the rising melody.
They kept working until they've heard a loud (and aparently angry) voice approaching the room.
"OI, why the fuck are the lights on?! Who's the bastard who left... Oh, Ryo... And Yasu... What are you doing here?"
"We're working on a song, Shibuyan!"
"Oh..." Subaru hesitated "and... Do you have to do it at this hour? You know, it's almost 10 pm... "
"I have to finish this today" responded Ryo, playing the chords written on his notebook with Yasu's help. "Hmmm... I don't know. It's better than before, but it still doesn't sound right...".
"Yeah... I think we need a second opinion in this song" said Yasu, throwing a significant look in Subaru's direction.
Subaru scratched his head and hesitated on the door. The awkward pairing, thought Ryo, slightly amused. He knew that Subaru would be of great help, considering the good ear he had for music, but he didn't want to bother the other. Subaru seemed to notice Ryo's indecision, but he obviously wasn't comfortable enough to take the first step. Probably, the impasse would last longer if it wasn't for Murakami, who appeared at the entrance of the studio and asked them what they were doing at that hour.
"Ryo is writing a song, and he won't leave the studio until he finish it" informed Yasu.
"Okay... And do you need something?" asked Murakami, noticing the distress hanging in the air.
"We need a second opinion about what we've created till now... Ryo-chan thinks there's something missing". Ryo nodded to Yasu's words, glad that he didn't need to explain his situation to the others.
"Well, we'll help you then!" Murakami promptly replied, pushing Subaru inside the room. "Subaru, you listen to their song, while I go talk with the staff and say that we'll be using the room for the rest of the night!"
"Why me?!" whinned Subaru with an indignant look.
"Don't pretend you don't want to give them an assistance, because I saw your face right now, hesitating at the door! Just shut up and help them!" ordered Murakami, slapping Subaru's head.
Subaru mumbled a bit but went to Yasu's side anyway without meeting Ryo's eyes.
Murakami returned along with Maruyama, who said he wanted to hear Ryo's love song for Kamenashi-kun. Ryo flushed, while Murakami slapped Maru and said that he shouldn't have said it aloud, because Ryo was shy.
"Hey, I-I didn't said it's a song for Kame! And I’m not shy!" protested Ryo weakly, but the condescending look from Murakami and Subaru told him that trying to convince them otherwise would be useless.
"Okay, play it for me then!" demanded Maruyama, plopping at Subaru's side in a cheerful mode.
An hour went by like this; Ryo, Maru, Yasu and Subaru had each one a guitar, and they tried adding more notes to the song while Murakami worked in a computer at a nearby table, only interfering when the discussion started to be too tumultuated, and he'd have to put some order in the chaos - frequently making use of physical exhortation. When Ryo felt they were almost finishing the song, a loud rumble was heard in the room, followed by Maru's ashamed "sorry...". It made Ryo realize he was considerably hungry, and judging by the other guys' faces, they were feeling the same.
Exactly at this moment, Yoko and Ohkura magically appeared at the studio's door, hands full of bags with what Ryo guessed (and hoped) was take-out food.
"Please, tell me this is food~~" begged Subaru, pulling Yoko's leg from his position at the floor. Ohkura smiled and handed a box of yakisoba to Subaru, from whose eyes popped out hearts. Yoko explained that Murakami had called then and asked to bring food because they were working in Ryo's love song for Kamenashi ("I didn't say it's for Kame...", "okay, okay, Ryo, we got it").
It took then another hour to conclude the song, because Ryo kept changing notes here and there, until it sounded as he wished (Ryo felt a hypocrite when he recalled his previous talk with Kame about being a fucking perfeccionist).
At three in the morning, they were finally leaving the Jimusho, their necks sore and their eyes itchy. They were too tired to give proper goodbyes to each other, but Yoko still had energy enough to tease Ryo about how a certain idol would be tremendously happy hearing the song. He only stopped when Ryo tried to kick his butt, but his laugh continued anyway.
*
He stopped in front of Kame's door apartment, his guitar case in the shoulder and a lot of nervousness in his heart. Ryo took a deep breath and rang the bell, hoping Kame was already in his house, because he'd never gather the courage to do what he was going to do ever again…
It was almost like a déjà vu, but that time would be different, because he didn't intend running away. Not anymore.
The door opened, revealing that Kame was, indeed, at home. But as soon as he looked to Kame, he forgot all the words he intended to say, leaving Ryo with a gaping mouth and a big emptiness in his head. Kame was silent too, probably waiting Ryo to say anything but when a minute passed without any of them saying anything, Kame started to close the door in Ryo's face.
The movement made Ryo snap to reality, so, before Kame could lock himself out of his reach, Ryo hold the door and exclaimed: "wait! Wait, Kame I need to say something!”
“And what is it?”
“Well… aren’t you going to invite me to enter? Please, your neighbor is kinda staring at me, and I can’t say what I want in the middle of the corridor…”
Kame took a step aside to let Ryo enter his apartment.
Once inside, Ryo sat on the couch, cleared his throat and turned to Kame, blurting out all the things that were burning his insides for a long time:
“Kame, I… I don't want to be your manager anymore. But it isn't because of you!!!” he rushed to clarify, before any upset feeling could cover Kame’s face. “Meeting you was the best thing that could come from working in JE, and it's the main reason why I don't regret the decision of accepting this job in the first place..." Ryo paused carefully, but Kame didn't seem annoyed, just confused, so Ryo kept with his speech.
"Even though you're overly obsessed with your job and KAT-TUN and baseball and cleaning antics and ancient Japanese history... Even though you suck at telling stories, and your jokes are, sometimes, lamer than Taguchi's ones, and you are terribly picky with food..." (Kame snorted at this point, like he was saying: 'as if you could say anything about being picky...'), "even if your fans think you're some kind of perfect idol, when, in fact, you're just an ordinary human being that works really hard to conquer what you want... Well, even then you're one of the most amazing people I've ever met in my life. And I am very content for have been part of your life along this journey." Now Kame had a peculiar face, somewhat pleased and something else that Ryo couldn't identify.
"But... even though helping you make your dreams real was good... I started feeling like I needed to conquer something for myself too... like I had to establish some objectives for my life..." Ryo felt his throat hoarse, even though he had spoken in a low voice all the time.
"I... You don't need me anyway, because you have all the strength and determination necessary to be successful at anything you want... So, I decided I have to walk by myself, figure out what I want for my life (although I think I already have an idea...). But this... this doesn't have to be a good bye... I don’t want it to be a good bye, because, Kame, I..." okay, it was now or never. “I… I’m not really good with words, so I made a song to express myself… Besides, I look cooler when I’m singing” he added with a faint and nervous smile. “… After I finish it, please, promise me you’ll keep being my friend, no matter what you think about the song, okay?”
Kame nodded, a sign to Ryo start singing his soul for Kame:
The sunset stains the town in red, a traffic jam caused by roadworks stretches out ahead of me.
People in suits hurry along the footpath; I just picture you.
...
I'm going to go and tell you now, like that movie
Your ordinary mannerism, the way you lie to cover up your embarassment, the tears you suddenly shed, your carefree smile
I want to embrace it all I can, so stay by my side
At the end of the song, Ryo felt a bit breathless, as if he had just run a marathon. He didn’t want to look to Kame, but all this situation demanded courage, so Ryo lifted his head and asked: “So? What is your response?”
Whatever Ryo imagined, certainly wasn’t Kame suddenly grabbing his guitar and moving it to the other end of the couch, so he was able to straddle Ryo’s lap, pulling his face into an aggressive wild kiss. It wasn’t a bad response at all, though; Ryo certainly wasn’t complaining.
"Okay, I'll consider that you approved the song, then" mumbled Ryo through Kame's mouth. His arms circled the idol's waist, his left hand slowly lifting the shirt and carefully touching the bare skin below - such a contrast to what his tongue was doing against Kame's tongue, so eager and demanding, in a urge to feel more of Kame's unique taste.
Ryo was surprised by the contrast of Kame's soft skin and his hard muscles, but Kame had always been this amalgam of different facets, sometimes so close to a girl, but with those too masculine features that created an unique appearance, terribly attractive to Ryo. And now he was touching it, he had Kame in his arms, his body and soul, and it felt so, so, so good.
“I love you too, Ryo…” a warm feeling spread through Ryo’s body when hearing these sentence, making him kiss Kame even deeper, until they felt on bed - when had they moved to the bedroom? - and tangled their bodies together, anxious for feeling more of each other.
The rest of the night was a blur on Ryo's head, although some details had been deeply carved in his mind. For years, he would be able remember the feeling of Kame's rough and calloused hands - a true baseball player - trailing his body, contouring his muscles and carefully touching his face, short fingers brushing Ryo's nose, cheeks and eyelashes. The beautiful sound of Kame's moans when Ryo squeezed his butt and bit his shoulder. The sensation of their bare chests finally colliding, turning their heartbeats into one. The taste of Kame's neck, chest, belly and thigs when Ryo trailed his tongue through the other's body. The blinding pleasure assaulting Ryo when Kame finally reached for him, and the way his body moved in his own accord until Ryo regained sense enough to retribute the favor and extract more erotic sounds from Kame. Their embarrassed giggles when they were confused about how they should position their legs. The impossible heat coming from Kame's tight insides, when Ryo entered him. Their cries of joy becoming louder and louder, until their simultaneous climax, hands joined and lips united. And most importantly, the way Kame’s expression changed during the night, going from desire, lust, pleasure, pain, more pleasure and, finally, the ecstatic face that made Ryo come; all of them were tinged with a deeper and complex emotion that Ryo thought could be love - and he was certain that the same look could be seen in his own eyes.
When they woke up in the other morning, still in each other's arms, Kame whispered in Ryo's ear: "I'll definitely need to find another manager... because I just discovered you'll be much more useful doing a different kind of job for me…"
Ryo smiled, turning to face Kame and seductively asking: “does this new job involve us being naked and cuddling together a lot?”
Kame pulled Ryo’s shoulders so they could get their mouths closer (“to hell with morning breath” thought Ryo), while he answered: “you bet”.
*
"But what are you going to do now, Ryo?" Kame asked later, when they were preparing the breakfast (after another session of passionate sex, of course). Ryo lifted his head from the eggs he was preparing and looked to Kame, who had his hair pulled in a messy ponytail and a light blue apron over his old and too big t-shirt, and was offering him a mug of coffee.
"I think I'll stay with you for the rest of my life" responded Ryo, lifting one hand to take the mug and the other to softly touch Kame's face, without caring how lame he sounded.
"Seems like you're more talkative about your feelings at early morning..." Kame smiled, leaning into Ryo's touch. "No, but seriously... what are you going to do as a job, now that you quitted the management work...?"
"One achievement at a time" said Ryo, hugging Kame against his chest, burying his face on the other's hair. He already had the most important thing for his life. The others would come too, eventually.
2013
"What's the name again, Yoko?"
"Kanjani7. Because we are from Kansai and we work for the Johnny's Entertainment... well, used to work, at least"
"Kanjani is good, but... I think it should be Kanjani8, instead"
“…”
"...Ryo, you do realize that we are seven, and not eight, right?"
"Yeah, Dokkun, I know you didn't finish high school and whatever, but you should know how to count by now..."
"Says the guy who still doesn't know how to write in katakana...".
"Shut up, Subaru!"
"The eighth member is the audience, the people who hear us. When you make music, you are inevitably transmitting your emotions and thoughts to the listener… Music is a connection made through the notes playing…"
"... This totally sounds like something Kame would say"
"..."
"Kanjani8 it is, then"
*
"Ryo..."
"Hmmmm?"
"Don't you think that... ahhhhh…"
“What?”
“Don’t… don’t you think that… we shouldn’t be doing this kind of thing here? … Ohhh God”
“Do you want me to stop?”
“NO! I mean…”
“…”
“Keep… Keep going… Yes, right there… Don’t stop, please, Ryo…”
“Decide at once what you want, Kame…”
“Shut up… Ahhhh Ryo…”
“Kame, are you here...? OH MY GOD FOR GOD SAKE STOP RIGHT THERE AND TAKE YOUR HANDS AWAY FROM EACH OTHER OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!!”
“Tsk… Thanks for your great timing, Nakamaru”.
“WHY ARE YOU LOOKING ANGRY TO ME, I SHOULD BE THE ONE ANGRY HERE, DO YOU HAVE NO SHAME?!”
“You’re such a prude…”
“IT DOESN’T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH BEING PRUDE, IT’S CALLED COMMON SENSE”
“You’re overreacting, Yucchi…”
“I AM OVERREACTING? I AM OVERREACTING? YOU TWO WERE… TOUCHING EACH OTHER, THIS IS A NATURAL REACTION, ANYONE WOULD BE AS SHOCKED AS I AM RIGHT NOW”.
“I’m not sure about this… When Subaru caught us the other day in the janitor’s room, he just threw a condom at us and said to not take too long to get finished”.
“Yeah, and yesterday Yoko just said something like ‘be careful to not get pregnant, okay?’ and just walked away, leaving us alone in the dressing room”.
“… Your friends are weird. Wait, were you having sex at KAT-TUN’s dressing room?!”
*
“Seems like our video had over 2000 visualizations this weekend!”
“YEEEEEESSSSSS WE ARE GOING TO BE FAMOUS!!!!!”
“Maru, don’t be so loud, we’re in the middle of a restaurant!”
“Ouch, no need to slap me, Hina…”
“And our song has been downloaded 105 times from our blog!”
“What do you think, Ryo-chan?”
“…Well, it’s a good beginning, I guess”.
*
“Ryo…”
“Kame?”
“Do you really think we will still be fine without Koki?”
“Kame, don’t you remember what I’ve said when Jin left KAT-TUN? I said that everything would be fine, and I’ll repeat it. Kame, the best thing about your stupid group is that each one of the members has this natural light that doesn’t depend on anyone to keep shining. Even if you felt apart, you would be all successful because all of you have this charisma and this talent that attracts people… It isn’t one or two members who will change it.”
“Ryo…”
“And if you tell Ueda that I’ve said it, I’ll throw away all your expensive clothes and perfumes, okay?”
*
“Is Kamenashi-kun okay, Ryo? I’ve seen the news about Koki...”
Ryo thought about Kame’s sad, but strong face when they talked about what had happened, and what Kame wanted to do with his future. How he wanted KAT-TUN to shine even brighter from now on.
“He’ll be okay, Ohkura. He and the other idiots will rebuild their group and make it as successful as before. Just wait and see”.
2014
It’s an interview at a quite popular radio program, and even though Ryo has been at countless radio studios before and watched countless interviews and recordings, it’s really different to sit in front of the microphone, the giants headphones on and the interviewer looking directly at you. But Ryo isn’t alone, at least. He has those six idiots at his side, and he knows that everything will be fine.
The producer of the program makes a sign indicating they will be on air in five. Ryo takes a deep breath and sees the others doing the same, all of them with varying degrees of anxiety.
The host clears his throat and, when the producer gives the okay, he starts: “You’ve just listened to KAT-TUN’s most recent single, “Kusabi”. And now we’re back with the band that since last year has been gathering an increasing number of fans through Internet, due to their versatile and original music style and their funny videos. We’re talking aboooooouuuut… Kanjani8!”
“Yoroshiku onegaishimasu” is the collective greeting.
“So, enka blended with rock and pop… What an exotic mix, right?”
“Well, we thought that if we wanted to be recognized, we had to be innovative” answers Hina, looking totally comfortable in his role of spokesman of the group.
“Innovative is the word, indeed… Especially your promotional videos, really original, with a touch of comedy that has been attracting a lot of fans, although you also have some serious and cool PVs too…” the interview goes on, and Ryo’s uneasiness slowly fades away.
“And most of your songs are written by yourselves, right? It’s interesting to see how each of you has a different style, and it shows in the songs you create... For example, Yokoyama-san’s “Purin” and Nishikido-san’s “Ordinary”: two songs so different from each other, but each one with good points that make them remarkable… Nishikido-san, considering how yours is a love song, do tell us, what is love to you?”
Nishikido feels his face blushing a bit, but he is smiling when he answers: "Love...? Love is a cup of hot coffee that you receive when you most need, but without having to ask for it"
The host looks a bit confused, but he quickly recovers and asks if he had a girlfriend that had inspired him to create the song.
“I don’t have a girlfriend” answers Ryo with all honesty, while his mind wanders to a certain idol with the most beautiful smile he had ever seen.
“Well, let’s hear a bit of their music! From Kanjani8, ‘Naniwa Iroha Bushi’”
2015
“What do you expect from this year, Ryo?”
“I think” he said, while giving a peck in Kame’s cheek “that this’ll be an awesome year”.
"Ryo, don't you want to teach me guitar?"
"I think this task isn't listed in the contract I've signed with JE" answered Ryo, but he was smiling. Kame, who had a guitar case in his hand, grinned and sat by Ryo’s side, causing a shiver in his body. He wondered if he would ever get used to those sensations that appeared whenever Kame was near.
"Why do you want to learn it, so suddenly?" he questioned, observing Kame taking the guitar out of its case.
"For a new performance at Shounen Club"
"Why the hell do you need to play guitar, don't you have to just lick your lips or wink to the cameras to please your fangirls?"
Kame arched an indignant eyebrow: "I don't sing only for fan service purposes, okay? And I always wanted to learn guitar, but I've never had the time for it"
"If you used the time you waste with beauty treatments to learn a new instrument, you'd be the Japanese Springsteen by now", he replied. “What song will we be rehearsing?"
"Aishiterukara..." answered Kame, adjusting the instrument in his lap. "What better way of learning it than from its own creator, right?"
"Hmmm... let's see how much you know of playing a guitar" said Ryo, ignoring the pleasant feeling that came from the fact that Kame wanted to play HIS song - 'well, of course he wants to play it, you idiot, it's his latest solo, after all!'
They didn’t have too much time to practice due to a meeting with representatives of a company for which Kame was probably going to do an advertisement. Therefore, after 30 minutes of lesson, Ryo was announcing they had to get going to the appointment.
"Eh? Already? Okay then just let me review it... errrr this is a B, right?" Kame asked, while positioning his fingers in the guitar.
"No, no, THIS is a B!" Ryo approached Kame and hold his fingers in the right position. Suddenly, a hot breath in his forehead told him that Ryo was TOO close of Kame, making the rational part of his brain alert him to move away... but his body wanted to STAY in that position, where he could feel Kame's vanilla scent and the heat from his body, the accelerated rhythm of the idol's breathing brushing his face...
The fingers under his moved broking the spell and startling Ryo, who quickly returned to his previous position. "S-sorry", he mumbled. How much time they had stayed in that position? Seconds? Minutes? Days, perhaps? He got up and rushed to the door, while hurrying Kame without looking back.
In the car, there was a silence too heavy to Ryo feel comfortable. Seeking for a bit of distraction, he decided to turn on the radio, which proved to be a wrong decision, since it was airing a program about celebrities’ gossips, and the issue was Akanishi's imminent departure from KAT-TUN. One of the hosts firmly believed the A of the band would be leaving the group soon, and they were speculating if the success would continue, and if Kamenashi Kazuya was talented enough to fill the gap left by Akanishi.
Ryo quickly turned off the radio, angrily. It was obvious that those guys didn't even know the group well, and probably the only members they knew were Kamenashi and Akanishi. Ryo discreetly looked to his side, but Kame had his face turned to the window.
A minute passed like this, until Kame interrupted Ryo's internal process of finding some amenity to talk about.
"Ryo… how much time do you think we'll be able to survive without Akanishi?
Ryo's first impulse was to shout that the group didn't need Jin to be successful, that the five of them were more than enough... but this impulsive and irrational speech probably wasn't what Kame needed now... Then he considered a 100% rational analysis of why KAT-TUN had a great chance of succeeding, plus throwing some statistical data of the ‘Bokura no Machi de’ era... But Kame wasn't dumb, he probably knew everything Ryo could say, perhaps even better, since he still wasn't working with Kame when Jin left the group the first time.
So, Ryo did the only thing he thought Kame needed that moment: at the red light, Ryo stopped the car, put a hand at Kame's shoulder and pulled him to an embrace, slowly saying "It's okay. Don't worry too much, because it doesn't change anything. The other members are still with you, and... Well, I'm here as well"
Ryo pretended he wasn’t noticing how his shirt was becoming slightly wet.
*
When it was officially - and finally - announced that Jin would be leaving the group, everybody was too busy to pay further attention - the only thing they thought was "Ok, let's move on with our life". Because KAT-TUN was holding their first Asia concert tour, a reason of joy and relief for the group, especially considering the wide audience they were having even without one of the members.
The tour was a source of double joy for Ryo; not only because of the opportunity to travel through Asia, but because all of his loser Kansai friends were, in some aspect, involved in the organization of the concerts. Yasuda was the responsible for the figurine, Maruyama was the main choreographer for all their dances, Hina was taking care of the financial aspects of the tour, Subaru had arranged the playlist and done the adjustments to cover Akanishi’s absent voice and Ohkura was part of the creative department responsible for organizing Johnny’s concerts. And, of course, there was Yokoyama, still working as Taguchi-kun’s manager (although Ryo couldn’t understand how someone so inattentive like Yoko could manage another person’s life).
The tour was being an enormous successful, and no big mishaps had happened; at least, until their last concert in Japan.
It would be comical, almost like a comedy plot, if it wasn’t so tragic. Basically, the musicians working with the group during all the tour had went to some bar to celebrate the near ending of the concerts, and they had eaten some spoiled food that made them being admitted at the hospital, urgently. They wouldn’t be able to recover in time to that night’s concert, and the staff was desperate because, even though they had recordings of the audios used during the concert, it wasn't the same as having a band playing live. The sound technicians were driving crazy, thinking about sound adjustments they'd have to make and the adaptations considering the infra-structure previously defined.
However, amidst all the mess, it was possible to hear Subaru still defending the use of real musicians in the concerts.
"Don't be stupid!" scolded Murakami, hitting Subaru's head "Where could we find good musicians capable of learning the group's songs in a few hours, and do it with competence?"
"We don’t need to find them, we already have these musicians..." answered a pouting Subaru, soothing the place hit by Murakami. These words seemed to attract some attention from the people around.
"Hah? What do you mean?"
Subaru assumed a superior pose and calmly said: "we have a talented guitarist and costume designer that likes to play KAT-TUN's songs during his breaks and knows the order of the playlist based on the figurines he created for the performances. We have a bassist who HAS to know their songs since he choreographed them. There's a drummer who is a fan of the group AND works organizing Johnny’s concerts, including this one. The manager of one of the members plays bongos and a bit of trumpet, and the manager of another member is a guitarrist who closely accompanies the rehearsals of the concerts. There's a financial manager who has been using KAT-TUN's songs to learn piano, and, finally, a sound technician who knows KAT-TUN's songs by core, after all these months working in their sound checks (that's me, by the way). So, do we have a band or not?" triumphantly asked Subaru, after pointing out Yasu, Maru, Ohkura, Yoko, Ryo, Murakami and himself, in that other.
"What?!!" Was the collective scream, except for Maru, who seemed to be seriously considering the idea.
"We aren't professional musicians..." started Yasu with an uncertain face.
"We haven't rehearsed a single time..." argued Ohkura.
"Hina, since when did you start piano lessons?" asked Yoko, curious.
"It doesn't matter!" shouted Murakami to Yoko. And then to Subaru: "Are you fucking out of your senses? This is a Johnny’s concert, how do you think a bunch of amateurs like us..."
"All of us helped creating this tour together!" interrupted Subaru angrily, "so we have the right, no, the DUTY of creating a good work till the end! Besides, all of us - well, except for you, Hina - have jammed together a lot of times, right? Even some KAT-TUN's songs - with Ryo's suggestion, of course" he added in the end, throwing a significant look to Ryo, who was standing next to Kame.
"This is insane" muttered Ryo. Kame looked for a moment to his manager and then said in a loud voice:
"I think Subaru-kun is right. As musicians, you aren't any amateurs, 'cuz I've seen you playing before, and I'm able to tell when I hear someone with skills or not. And if there is someone who knows well how the concert works, you are the ones, since you helped organizing and creating the whole show! I trust you"
Kame squeezed Ryo's hand and gave him a firm nod. With Kame's speech, the rest of the staff started giving signs that they agreed with the decision. All the members of KAT-TUN looked satisfied with the new arrangement, and Taguchi added:
"There's no need to worry, because even if some mistakes happen, we'll be there to cover it!"
"Yeah, we're the stars of this show, after all" completed Koki.
Ryo huffed: "We won't make any mistakes, what are you thinking? We didn't start playing yesterday, and me and Yasu are better guitarists than that Ueda guy, for example!"
Ueda scoffed. "You have to do a damn good show before saying anything about me, baka!" Everybody laughed, and Ryo felt some confidence growing inside of him.
"Ok, let's do it! Come on, we just have some hours to rehearse!" cheered up Murakami, getting up from his chair, a big-toothed smile in his face.
The next few hours passed on a blur, the seven guys playing like their lives depended on it, with the support of KAT-TUN and the staff to indicate when they had to play, when were their breaks, and the order of the songs.
Some curses, angry words and nicer clothes (courtesy of Yasuda Shota) later, the concert started for real, and Ryo felt like he would either puke or run away from the stadium the fastest way possible. Maru, at his side, patted him on the shoulder, but Ryo could see how the bassist's hand trembled. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath to calm his nerves...
...And, suddenly, the cheers from the crowd reached his ears.
Of course, he had watched countless concerts before, and he knew how the audience would start calling for their idols and shouting their names when the show was about to start. But it was SO different to hear them from the stage, behind the curtains. It was powerful, like a wave of energy being sent towards them.
"Ok, guys, let's do it!" shouted Kame, claiming the staff to join their hands and make a circle before the beginning of the concert. Kame's hand joined his, leaving a warmth that stayed with Ryo during all the show, as well as Kame’s soft gaze towards him.
It was one of the best experiences in Ryo’s life. Even though he had committed a lot of brief mistakes, the cheers resounding in his ears, the applauses, the lights above his head, the heavy weight of the guitar in his hands and the pleased faces towards them (okay, towards KAT-TUN members, but it was almost like the fans were also looking to them) made Ryo’s insides burn with excitement; he felt like some missing part in his soul had finally found its way back, and he was fulfilled. Ryo wondered if this was how Kame felt every time he was performing for an audience, and he wished he could have this kind of feeling more often.
Now, Ryo could truly understand what Kame had meant when he had talked about singing for someone else, about transmitting his feelings to another person through music.
2011
When Ryo first admitted he had… well, those strange...feelings for Kame, he hoped and prayed that all of this would just be a phase, and one day Ryo would wake up and realize he wasn’t attracted to Kame at all.
Now, almost two years later, those emotions hadn't disappeared at all.
Ryo couldn’t deny his attraction anymore. Kame was superbly handsome and hot, in a way Ryo didn't dare thinking about even in the solitude of his room. But those images insisted in breaking through his dreams, at least one night per week: brown eyes staring at him while calloused fingers ran through his body, provoking loud moans and then dissolving into nothing, when his alarm would wake him up in the morning.
Most of the time, he was able to deal with these feelings pretty well, hiding them in some obscure corner of his mind and focusing on work, like always. There were times, however, when he would caught himself day-dreaming about running his fingers through Kame's soft stylized hair, or wondering how Kame’s muscles would feel under his hand, or imagining kisses with the scent of black, strong coffee.
It was kind of difficult to work with Kame those moments, and at the end of the day, he would release the tension in the arms of a stranger picked at a bar or a club; he always choose pretty, cute women, but they couldn't quite fill the need he had for a husky voice whispering at his ear, broad shoulders in which he would support himself during passionated kisses, nor those deep brown eyes who insisted on appearing on his mind while his loud voice communicated his climax in the middle of the night.
But these moments of almost uncontrollable desire were rare, and most days, he was more than comfortable and satisfied by just being at Kame's side. And he didn't want to change any of this, no matter what lustful emotions were buried inside of him.
(The problem was that, perhaps, this was more than just lust. But he wouldn't allow himself to think too much of this).
*
Ryo began to avoid talking about Kame with his friends, trying to hide his feelings from them. He thought he was being very successful, since they apparently hadn’t notice anything, until one day when he was drinking with Maru, Yasu and Subaru, and Yasu casually asked if him and Kame were already dating.
Ryo spilled half the tea he was drinking across the table. Subaru made a disgusted face, while Maru, who was at Ryo's side, patted his back to help him to not get choked with the beverage. Yasu looked amused and shocked at the same time.
"The fuck?!" exclaimed Ryo, when he finally regained his senses and a bit of his dignity.
"Well... it's because you've been together for so long, and it's clear that you... you know..."
"What? What is so clear about me?!" questioned Ryo feeling his face getting hotter - not from embarrassment, of course, it was from... angriness; yes, he was totally angry, and not embarrassed at all.
"Errr... you see, you cook food for him almost every day..." said Yasu, awkwardly scratching his own head.
"And you two meet even in your days-off to go to the movies or watch some band performing..." continued Maru
"Yeah, and I don't know how many times you rejected my invites to go out because you were going to Kame-chan's house to do I-don't-know-what exactly..."
"It was work-related issues, okay?!"
"Normal people don't have work meetings in their own houses, Ryo-chan."
"Yoko is Taguchi’s manager but they always go out together to play basketball or videogames!!!" protested Ryo.
"Yeah, but usually Subaru-kun or other friends are always with them in those moments" calmly replied Maru, with Subaru's nod of agreement.
"Besides, Yokocho doesn’t let Taguchi-kun lay his head in his shoulder when he is sleepy, unlike you with Kamenashi-kun…" commented Yasu.
"And Yuuchin doesn’t stare at Taguchi-kun with soft eyes, like he is the most important person in this world~" sing-songed Maru with dreamy eyes. Ryo would punch him, if it wasn’t so impossible for him to be violent towards Maru.
“And Yokocho doesn't have the ability of getting coffee for Taguchi-kun even before he asks for one…”
“What are you trying to say, for god sake?!” interrupted Ryo, feigning ignorance about the matter.
“Well, what we are trying to say is that…”
"… Is that you want to get into Kamenashi’s pants and you should do it at once" summed up Subaru, talking for the first time since the beginning of the dinner. Ryo glared at Subaru.
"... even if hypothetically I felt some... well, attraction for him, which I'm not affirming I feel" Subaru rolled up his eyes, "what should I do about it? It' s not like I can just go and say 'hey, I know I am your manager and all but you're hot so I think we should bang'" Maru giggled, but Yasu was looking very serious.
"Is this what you really want, Ryo? Just sex and nothing else?"
Ryo sighed, running a hand through his hair and messing it completely. "I don't know, I... well it's just a crush, anyway. It will hurt a bit in the beginning, but eventually it'll fade". Ryo averted his eyes from the disbelieving looks of the other three. "And, please, don't tell the other about this, especially Yoko, okay?" he said, trying a change on the subject
“Too late...” Subaru was currently typing a message in his phone that Ryo could bet was for Yokoyama.
God, is it too late to change my friends???
*
When, someday, Subaru found Ryo in the music archive room, watching all performances he could find of Kame singing Kizuna with tears in his eyes, their friends declared that this thing was becoming too ridiculous, and Ryo needed to do something about his situation at once.
They tried giving some advices, but they couldn’t come up with anything Ryo could consider useful, or even feasible, and when Yoko mentioned something like a strip-tease, Ryo decided he had heard enough of this foolishness.
Just when he was leaving, Maru hold his arm and said: “Ryo. Just be honest and tell Kamenashi-kun about your true feelings. You shouldn’t try restraining them anymore, it won’t be healthy for you nor fair to Kamenashi-kun”.
The words from Maruyama kept resounding in his head while Ryo drove back home, against his will. It was a silly and crazy idea, but despite Ryo’s efforts to just get rid of them, he couldn’t help but think what could happen if he went to Kame right in that moment and confessed his feelings…
*
“Ryo? What are you doing here?”.
“Eh? Ahhhhm, well, this is indeed a good question...”
Ryo himself couldn’t explain his own behavior. After getting caught in a traffic jam, Ryo realized that if he turned left, he would escape traffic jam, and be on his way to Kame’s house. That was the last conscious thought that crossed Ryo’s mind, because, when Ryo came to his senses, he was already heading to Kame’s house.
Maru’s last advice inevitably came to Ryo’s mind, making him blush strongly.
“Ryo, are you ok? Your face is all red…”
“Kame… Kame I need to say something to you”
“Ok… And what is it?”
Inhale and exhale, inhale and exhale, Ryo!
“Kame… we’ve been working together for a long time, right? And… you know that you’re someone who I really respect and who I feel really close to, right?”
“Yes, and I feel the same for you, Ryo” Kame answered, giving a bright smile to Ryo and totally blanking his mind.
“Errrr… I… So… I just came to tell you that tommorow I won’t be able to take you to the Jimusho by car, because I have a meeting at other place, so you’ll have to go to work by yourself tomorrow, ok?”
“Huh? You came here just to inform me about THIS…? A message would do…?”
“I was actually passing nearby, so I thought I could come and tell you personally! Well, I have to go now! Bye!” Ryo quickly turned away and left the building, ashamed of his own coward behavior
*
Arriving home, Ryo headed straight to his music room, grabbed his old yellow notebook and started writing desperate lyrics, only stopping when he saw the sun rising and shining through the curtains in the room.
The title of the song was “Ordinary”; he didn’t bother creating a melody, though; he was sure he'd never be able to say those words aloud, anyway.
2012
After all those years working for JE and with Kame, Ryo was starting to think he was already too old for this job. Reunions with sponsors were boring, reading long terms of contract was a pain in the ass, dealing with all the false accusations weekly done against Kamenashi Kazuya and trying to suppress the scandals - real or not, but mostly not - that regularly threatened reaching the news were excessively tiring. The only good thing about this job was... well, all the free coffee he obtained at the Jimusho, basically.
"And what about Kame?" inquired Yoko
"What?"
"What about Kame-chan, Ryo?" seconded Maru with an exhasperated tone.
Ryo, Maru, Yasu and Yoko were having dinner together at their traditional takoyaki-place, and Ryo was letting out the stress he was feeling lately with work.
"Dealing with Kame isn't the only thing I do in this job" responded Ryo, his gaze fixed in his plate of takoyakis.
"Because if it were you wouldn't be so grumpy right?" questioned Yoko with an insinuating tone.
"I'm not grumpy" he was now selecting the sauces he'd use in his takoyakis.
"You're averting my question, Dokkun..."
Ryo remained silent.
"Just tell your feelings to Kamenashi-kun, Dokk..."
"One more beer here, please!" yelled Ryo to the bartender, ignoring his friends.
*
Kame was concerned about the behavior that Ryo was beginning to develop regards his work as a manager. Usually, he’d be very active about anything related to Kame’s professional life, going to most of the meetings that required Kame’s presence (even if Ryo’s presence wasn’t obligatory). Now, whenever he could, Ryo would excuse himself and ask Kame to tell him later the result of the discussion. Kame discovered he used this vacant time to compose or write music at any empty rooms he could find in the building (especially KAT-TUN’s dressing room, when they were at the Jimusho). Or he would just take a nap at some random couch, until Kame came and awakened him.
Besides it, when Ryo was present at a reunion, he would be easily distracted, and frequently Kame found him gazing through the window or discreetly looking to his phone and his watch; or he'd be moving his fingers non-stop, as if he was playing a song only heard in his head.
The only moments when Ryo showed a lively face was when he was alone with Kame, mostly when they were driving to some place and especially when they were heading home or to some restaurant after work. But even in these moments, Ryo would sometimes give long sighs or be more silent than usual, staring at the distance like he was trying to make a difficult decision.
Kame wondered if, perhaps, Ryo was already tired of his job as a manager. If he was already done with this world of celebrities, of appearances, of an irregular schedule, of those many rules that dictated what could be done and what couldn't, what was right and what was wrong, rules of how you had to act and what was inoffensive enough to be said.
Perhaps Ryo was tired of taking care of Kame.
*
"The recording took forever to end, what happened?" asked Ryo angrily, at the entrance of the Jimusho. Kame frowned; clearly, Ryo was in a bad mood.
"We had to re-record some passages, so it took longer than I’ve imagined... This kind of thing always happen, I don't understand why you're so upset, it's not like we have any appointment later..."
These days, Kame was feeling like they were back at the first days of their relationship, when Ryo was always complaining about how the idol-job worked or how Kame worked in general; when they were barely more than strangers; when they didn't have anything in common.
"Well, recording stuff do take longer than expected sometimes, but not two hours, for God sake! Oh, don't tell me you had to stay in the studio because YOU weren't satisfied with how the voices were sounding?!” seeing that Kame didn’t deny it, he continued: “Come on Kame, why do you have to be so overly perfectionist?!"
"What's wrong with being perfectionist, what's wrong with doing my best in my work?!" shouted Kame, feeling his level of angriness rising.
"Kame, we started working today at four in the morning, when I had to take you to your shooting, and now it's almost midnight and I had to be waiting like an idiot in the hall for almost TWO FUCKING HOURS, you could have told me something! Because there's a pile of shitty documents I still have to read and sign at home, and I won't be able to go to bed until I go through all of them, and what is worst is that, THEORICALLY today was my day-off, but I couldn't spare a single hour for me at all until now! So yes, I am very, very upset, okay?!"
Kame gulped, a bitter taste in his mouth and a bad feeling in his chest; Ryo constantly complained about work in general, but never with the intensity he was showing at the moment: "Perhaps you're already tired of being my manager?" he asked in a tiny voice, as if he didn't want to know the answer.
"Yes, this job is being a pain in the ass, to be honest!" he replied without thinking, but the moment the words fell from his mouth, Ryo regretted them. Not because he didn't think the job was a pain, because it was, but it wasn't really Kame's fault. However, the damage has been done already: Kame was looking at him with a blank face, but behind those emotionless eyes, Ryo could see he was really hurt. Kame wouldn't show weakness if he didn't want to - and he rarely wanted to - but Ryo was able to tell when the idol was terribly upset. Suddenly, all the rage inside of Ryo disappeared.
"Kame..." he started, but Kame was quickly climbing out of the car - they had reached the front of Kame's apartment building.
He turned back and said to Ryo through the opened window: "Then you don't need to work as my manager anymore. I'll talk with Takeda-san later, and you don't have to bother picking me tomorrow. Good night." It was the coldest voice he had ever heard coming from Kame, and made Ryo shiver violently. Before he could reply, Kame was heading to the entrance of the building, without turning back again.
*
That night, Ryo came back to his house and spent the whole night awake in his bed, incapable of sleeping. When it was finally five in the morning, he got up, prepared a cup of strong, black coffee, and wondered what would he do to apologize to Kame. Ryo wasn't good with talking things aloud, and he never really had to apologize to Kame, because the later always seemed to understand when he was feeling sorry - and vice-versa.
An entire day passed and Ryo still hadn't been able to come up with any decent speech to offer to Kame; somehow, any line he started elaborating in his head ended up with him confessing his feelings to Kame, and this couldn't do, because this wasn't one of the lame songs he used to write for Kame, right?...Right?
All of a sudden, Ryo grabbed his keys, stormed out from his apartment and headed to the Jimusho (where he knew Kame wouldn't be, because there was a shooting that day for Going!). Once there, he reserved a studio room for himself and started composing a song, using the lyrics he had written in his old yellow notebook - the same lyrics he had created a year ago, in the night he couldn't confess his feelings.
After two hours, he was starting to feel desperate because the melody didn't sound right, and his lyrics looked really lame... he started creating a music in the computer but it wasn't working, so now he was just sitting in the ground of the studio, a guitar on his lap, writing down notes that were quicky erased as soon as they were put in the paper...
"Ryo?" Yasu's head was poking through the door, and he asked carefully "what are doing here? It's nine pm already... are you okay?"
Ryo considered saying some lie, but he realized he didn't really care about it anymore. "Writing a song... but I'm having some troubles"
"Okay... do you want me to leave you alone?" Ryo shrugged, and this seemed to be encouragement enough to Yasu approach the other and take a look at Ryo's notebook. "Can I read what you wrote?" Ryo shrugged again, so Yasu took the notebook and started reading the lyrics.
"Oh" he whispered "I understand... What about the melody, though? I see you arranged some chords, but..."
"Yeah, I'm stuck with them, I kinda have an idea in my head, but I can't convert it in notes..."
"Well, I'll help you then!" Yasu grabbed one of the guitars of the studio and joined Ryo on the floor.
"You don't need to, Yasu... If you have something else to do..." Ryo tried not sounding too needy, but Yasu gave him an easy smile.
"Don't worry, Ryo-chan! Kame-chan deserves the best, right?!"
Ryo blushed and didn't comment anything.
Yasu was a great song-written, so it was nice working with him. However, even with their skills combined, Ryo still wasn’t entirely satisfied with the rising melody.
They kept working until they've heard a loud (and aparently angry) voice approaching the room.
"OI, why the fuck are the lights on?! Who's the bastard who left... Oh, Ryo... And Yasu... What are you doing here?"
"We're working on a song, Shibuyan!"
"Oh..." Subaru hesitated "and... Do you have to do it at this hour? You know, it's almost 10 pm... "
"I have to finish this today" responded Ryo, playing the chords written on his notebook with Yasu's help. "Hmmm... I don't know. It's better than before, but it still doesn't sound right...".
"Yeah... I think we need a second opinion in this song" said Yasu, throwing a significant look in Subaru's direction.
Subaru scratched his head and hesitated on the door. The awkward pairing, thought Ryo, slightly amused. He knew that Subaru would be of great help, considering the good ear he had for music, but he didn't want to bother the other. Subaru seemed to notice Ryo's indecision, but he obviously wasn't comfortable enough to take the first step. Probably, the impasse would last longer if it wasn't for Murakami, who appeared at the entrance of the studio and asked them what they were doing at that hour.
"Ryo is writing a song, and he won't leave the studio until he finish it" informed Yasu.
"Okay... And do you need something?" asked Murakami, noticing the distress hanging in the air.
"We need a second opinion about what we've created till now... Ryo-chan thinks there's something missing". Ryo nodded to Yasu's words, glad that he didn't need to explain his situation to the others.
"Well, we'll help you then!" Murakami promptly replied, pushing Subaru inside the room. "Subaru, you listen to their song, while I go talk with the staff and say that we'll be using the room for the rest of the night!"
"Why me?!" whinned Subaru with an indignant look.
"Don't pretend you don't want to give them an assistance, because I saw your face right now, hesitating at the door! Just shut up and help them!" ordered Murakami, slapping Subaru's head.
Subaru mumbled a bit but went to Yasu's side anyway without meeting Ryo's eyes.
Murakami returned along with Maruyama, who said he wanted to hear Ryo's love song for Kamenashi-kun. Ryo flushed, while Murakami slapped Maru and said that he shouldn't have said it aloud, because Ryo was shy.
"Hey, I-I didn't said it's a song for Kame! And I’m not shy!" protested Ryo weakly, but the condescending look from Murakami and Subaru told him that trying to convince them otherwise would be useless.
"Okay, play it for me then!" demanded Maruyama, plopping at Subaru's side in a cheerful mode.
An hour went by like this; Ryo, Maru, Yasu and Subaru had each one a guitar, and they tried adding more notes to the song while Murakami worked in a computer at a nearby table, only interfering when the discussion started to be too tumultuated, and he'd have to put some order in the chaos - frequently making use of physical exhortation. When Ryo felt they were almost finishing the song, a loud rumble was heard in the room, followed by Maru's ashamed "sorry...". It made Ryo realize he was considerably hungry, and judging by the other guys' faces, they were feeling the same.
Exactly at this moment, Yoko and Ohkura magically appeared at the studio's door, hands full of bags with what Ryo guessed (and hoped) was take-out food.
"Please, tell me this is food~~" begged Subaru, pulling Yoko's leg from his position at the floor. Ohkura smiled and handed a box of yakisoba to Subaru, from whose eyes popped out hearts. Yoko explained that Murakami had called then and asked to bring food because they were working in Ryo's love song for Kamenashi ("I didn't say it's for Kame...", "okay, okay, Ryo, we got it").
It took then another hour to conclude the song, because Ryo kept changing notes here and there, until it sounded as he wished (Ryo felt a hypocrite when he recalled his previous talk with Kame about being a fucking perfeccionist).
At three in the morning, they were finally leaving the Jimusho, their necks sore and their eyes itchy. They were too tired to give proper goodbyes to each other, but Yoko still had energy enough to tease Ryo about how a certain idol would be tremendously happy hearing the song. He only stopped when Ryo tried to kick his butt, but his laugh continued anyway.
*
He stopped in front of Kame's door apartment, his guitar case in the shoulder and a lot of nervousness in his heart. Ryo took a deep breath and rang the bell, hoping Kame was already in his house, because he'd never gather the courage to do what he was going to do ever again…
It was almost like a déjà vu, but that time would be different, because he didn't intend running away. Not anymore.
The door opened, revealing that Kame was, indeed, at home. But as soon as he looked to Kame, he forgot all the words he intended to say, leaving Ryo with a gaping mouth and a big emptiness in his head. Kame was silent too, probably waiting Ryo to say anything but when a minute passed without any of them saying anything, Kame started to close the door in Ryo's face.
The movement made Ryo snap to reality, so, before Kame could lock himself out of his reach, Ryo hold the door and exclaimed: "wait! Wait, Kame I need to say something!”
“And what is it?”
“Well… aren’t you going to invite me to enter? Please, your neighbor is kinda staring at me, and I can’t say what I want in the middle of the corridor…”
Kame took a step aside to let Ryo enter his apartment.
Once inside, Ryo sat on the couch, cleared his throat and turned to Kame, blurting out all the things that were burning his insides for a long time:
“Kame, I… I don't want to be your manager anymore. But it isn't because of you!!!” he rushed to clarify, before any upset feeling could cover Kame’s face. “Meeting you was the best thing that could come from working in JE, and it's the main reason why I don't regret the decision of accepting this job in the first place..." Ryo paused carefully, but Kame didn't seem annoyed, just confused, so Ryo kept with his speech.
"Even though you're overly obsessed with your job and KAT-TUN and baseball and cleaning antics and ancient Japanese history... Even though you suck at telling stories, and your jokes are, sometimes, lamer than Taguchi's ones, and you are terribly picky with food..." (Kame snorted at this point, like he was saying: 'as if you could say anything about being picky...'), "even if your fans think you're some kind of perfect idol, when, in fact, you're just an ordinary human being that works really hard to conquer what you want... Well, even then you're one of the most amazing people I've ever met in my life. And I am very content for have been part of your life along this journey." Now Kame had a peculiar face, somewhat pleased and something else that Ryo couldn't identify.
"But... even though helping you make your dreams real was good... I started feeling like I needed to conquer something for myself too... like I had to establish some objectives for my life..." Ryo felt his throat hoarse, even though he had spoken in a low voice all the time.
"I... You don't need me anyway, because you have all the strength and determination necessary to be successful at anything you want... So, I decided I have to walk by myself, figure out what I want for my life (although I think I already have an idea...). But this... this doesn't have to be a good bye... I don’t want it to be a good bye, because, Kame, I..." okay, it was now or never. “I… I’m not really good with words, so I made a song to express myself… Besides, I look cooler when I’m singing” he added with a faint and nervous smile. “… After I finish it, please, promise me you’ll keep being my friend, no matter what you think about the song, okay?”
Kame nodded, a sign to Ryo start singing his soul for Kame:
The sunset stains the town in red, a traffic jam caused by roadworks stretches out ahead of me.
People in suits hurry along the footpath; I just picture you.
...
I'm going to go and tell you now, like that movie
Your ordinary mannerism, the way you lie to cover up your embarassment, the tears you suddenly shed, your carefree smile
I want to embrace it all I can, so stay by my side
At the end of the song, Ryo felt a bit breathless, as if he had just run a marathon. He didn’t want to look to Kame, but all this situation demanded courage, so Ryo lifted his head and asked: “So? What is your response?”
Whatever Ryo imagined, certainly wasn’t Kame suddenly grabbing his guitar and moving it to the other end of the couch, so he was able to straddle Ryo’s lap, pulling his face into an aggressive wild kiss. It wasn’t a bad response at all, though; Ryo certainly wasn’t complaining.
"Okay, I'll consider that you approved the song, then" mumbled Ryo through Kame's mouth. His arms circled the idol's waist, his left hand slowly lifting the shirt and carefully touching the bare skin below - such a contrast to what his tongue was doing against Kame's tongue, so eager and demanding, in a urge to feel more of Kame's unique taste.
Ryo was surprised by the contrast of Kame's soft skin and his hard muscles, but Kame had always been this amalgam of different facets, sometimes so close to a girl, but with those too masculine features that created an unique appearance, terribly attractive to Ryo. And now he was touching it, he had Kame in his arms, his body and soul, and it felt so, so, so good.
“I love you too, Ryo…” a warm feeling spread through Ryo’s body when hearing these sentence, making him kiss Kame even deeper, until they felt on bed - when had they moved to the bedroom? - and tangled their bodies together, anxious for feeling more of each other.
The rest of the night was a blur on Ryo's head, although some details had been deeply carved in his mind. For years, he would be able remember the feeling of Kame's rough and calloused hands - a true baseball player - trailing his body, contouring his muscles and carefully touching his face, short fingers brushing Ryo's nose, cheeks and eyelashes. The beautiful sound of Kame's moans when Ryo squeezed his butt and bit his shoulder. The sensation of their bare chests finally colliding, turning their heartbeats into one. The taste of Kame's neck, chest, belly and thigs when Ryo trailed his tongue through the other's body. The blinding pleasure assaulting Ryo when Kame finally reached for him, and the way his body moved in his own accord until Ryo regained sense enough to retribute the favor and extract more erotic sounds from Kame. Their embarrassed giggles when they were confused about how they should position their legs. The impossible heat coming from Kame's tight insides, when Ryo entered him. Their cries of joy becoming louder and louder, until their simultaneous climax, hands joined and lips united. And most importantly, the way Kame’s expression changed during the night, going from desire, lust, pleasure, pain, more pleasure and, finally, the ecstatic face that made Ryo come; all of them were tinged with a deeper and complex emotion that Ryo thought could be love - and he was certain that the same look could be seen in his own eyes.
When they woke up in the other morning, still in each other's arms, Kame whispered in Ryo's ear: "I'll definitely need to find another manager... because I just discovered you'll be much more useful doing a different kind of job for me…"
Ryo smiled, turning to face Kame and seductively asking: “does this new job involve us being naked and cuddling together a lot?”
Kame pulled Ryo’s shoulders so they could get their mouths closer (“to hell with morning breath” thought Ryo), while he answered: “you bet”.
*
"But what are you going to do now, Ryo?" Kame asked later, when they were preparing the breakfast (after another session of passionate sex, of course). Ryo lifted his head from the eggs he was preparing and looked to Kame, who had his hair pulled in a messy ponytail and a light blue apron over his old and too big t-shirt, and was offering him a mug of coffee.
"I think I'll stay with you for the rest of my life" responded Ryo, lifting one hand to take the mug and the other to softly touch Kame's face, without caring how lame he sounded.
"Seems like you're more talkative about your feelings at early morning..." Kame smiled, leaning into Ryo's touch. "No, but seriously... what are you going to do as a job, now that you quitted the management work...?"
"One achievement at a time" said Ryo, hugging Kame against his chest, burying his face on the other's hair. He already had the most important thing for his life. The others would come too, eventually.
2013
"What's the name again, Yoko?"
"Kanjani7. Because we are from Kansai and we work for the Johnny's Entertainment... well, used to work, at least"
"Kanjani is good, but... I think it should be Kanjani8, instead"
“…”
"...Ryo, you do realize that we are seven, and not eight, right?"
"Yeah, Dokkun, I know you didn't finish high school and whatever, but you should know how to count by now..."
"Says the guy who still doesn't know how to write in katakana...".
"Shut up, Subaru!"
"The eighth member is the audience, the people who hear us. When you make music, you are inevitably transmitting your emotions and thoughts to the listener… Music is a connection made through the notes playing…"
"... This totally sounds like something Kame would say"
"..."
"Kanjani8 it is, then"
*
"Ryo..."
"Hmmmm?"
"Don't you think that... ahhhhh…"
“What?”
“Don’t… don’t you think that… we shouldn’t be doing this kind of thing here? … Ohhh God”
“Do you want me to stop?”
“NO! I mean…”
“…”
“Keep… Keep going… Yes, right there… Don’t stop, please, Ryo…”
“Decide at once what you want, Kame…”
“Shut up… Ahhhh Ryo…”
“Kame, are you here...? OH MY GOD FOR GOD SAKE STOP RIGHT THERE AND TAKE YOUR HANDS AWAY FROM EACH OTHER OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!!”
“Tsk… Thanks for your great timing, Nakamaru”.
“WHY ARE YOU LOOKING ANGRY TO ME, I SHOULD BE THE ONE ANGRY HERE, DO YOU HAVE NO SHAME?!”
“You’re such a prude…”
“IT DOESN’T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH BEING PRUDE, IT’S CALLED COMMON SENSE”
“You’re overreacting, Yucchi…”
“I AM OVERREACTING? I AM OVERREACTING? YOU TWO WERE… TOUCHING EACH OTHER, THIS IS A NATURAL REACTION, ANYONE WOULD BE AS SHOCKED AS I AM RIGHT NOW”.
“I’m not sure about this… When Subaru caught us the other day in the janitor’s room, he just threw a condom at us and said to not take too long to get finished”.
“Yeah, and yesterday Yoko just said something like ‘be careful to not get pregnant, okay?’ and just walked away, leaving us alone in the dressing room”.
“… Your friends are weird. Wait, were you having sex at KAT-TUN’s dressing room?!”
*
“Seems like our video had over 2000 visualizations this weekend!”
“YEEEEEESSSSSS WE ARE GOING TO BE FAMOUS!!!!!”
“Maru, don’t be so loud, we’re in the middle of a restaurant!”
“Ouch, no need to slap me, Hina…”
“And our song has been downloaded 105 times from our blog!”
“What do you think, Ryo-chan?”
“…Well, it’s a good beginning, I guess”.
*
“Ryo…”
“Kame?”
“Do you really think we will still be fine without Koki?”
“Kame, don’t you remember what I’ve said when Jin left KAT-TUN? I said that everything would be fine, and I’ll repeat it. Kame, the best thing about your stupid group is that each one of the members has this natural light that doesn’t depend on anyone to keep shining. Even if you felt apart, you would be all successful because all of you have this charisma and this talent that attracts people… It isn’t one or two members who will change it.”
“Ryo…”
“And if you tell Ueda that I’ve said it, I’ll throw away all your expensive clothes and perfumes, okay?”
*
“Is Kamenashi-kun okay, Ryo? I’ve seen the news about Koki...”
Ryo thought about Kame’s sad, but strong face when they talked about what had happened, and what Kame wanted to do with his future. How he wanted KAT-TUN to shine even brighter from now on.
“He’ll be okay, Ohkura. He and the other idiots will rebuild their group and make it as successful as before. Just wait and see”.
2014
It’s an interview at a quite popular radio program, and even though Ryo has been at countless radio studios before and watched countless interviews and recordings, it’s really different to sit in front of the microphone, the giants headphones on and the interviewer looking directly at you. But Ryo isn’t alone, at least. He has those six idiots at his side, and he knows that everything will be fine.
The producer of the program makes a sign indicating they will be on air in five. Ryo takes a deep breath and sees the others doing the same, all of them with varying degrees of anxiety.
The host clears his throat and, when the producer gives the okay, he starts: “You’ve just listened to KAT-TUN’s most recent single, “Kusabi”. And now we’re back with the band that since last year has been gathering an increasing number of fans through Internet, due to their versatile and original music style and their funny videos. We’re talking aboooooouuuut… Kanjani8!”
“Yoroshiku onegaishimasu” is the collective greeting.
“So, enka blended with rock and pop… What an exotic mix, right?”
“Well, we thought that if we wanted to be recognized, we had to be innovative” answers Hina, looking totally comfortable in his role of spokesman of the group.
“Innovative is the word, indeed… Especially your promotional videos, really original, with a touch of comedy that has been attracting a lot of fans, although you also have some serious and cool PVs too…” the interview goes on, and Ryo’s uneasiness slowly fades away.
“And most of your songs are written by yourselves, right? It’s interesting to see how each of you has a different style, and it shows in the songs you create... For example, Yokoyama-san’s “Purin” and Nishikido-san’s “Ordinary”: two songs so different from each other, but each one with good points that make them remarkable… Nishikido-san, considering how yours is a love song, do tell us, what is love to you?”
Nishikido feels his face blushing a bit, but he is smiling when he answers: "Love...? Love is a cup of hot coffee that you receive when you most need, but without having to ask for it"
The host looks a bit confused, but he quickly recovers and asks if he had a girlfriend that had inspired him to create the song.
“I don’t have a girlfriend” answers Ryo with all honesty, while his mind wanders to a certain idol with the most beautiful smile he had ever seen.
“Well, let’s hear a bit of their music! From Kanjani8, ‘Naniwa Iroha Bushi’”
2015
“What do you expect from this year, Ryo?”
“I think” he said, while giving a peck in Kame’s cheek “that this’ll be an awesome year”.