[For london9calling] Moonlight Thunder [1/2]
Title: Moonlight Thunder
For: london9calling
Pairing: Luhan/Xiumin
Rating: NC-17
Length: 12,368 words
Summary: Lu Han hates his rival, Kim Minseok. Too bad merging his band with Minseok's may be the only way for Lu Han to keep singing.
Author's Note: Thanks to D and K, and to other K for band naming advice.
Lu Han hates Kim Minseok.
Okay, that's a lie. Lu Han barely knows Kim Minseok except what he sees of him on stage. What he sees on stage is a cocky asshole who flirts with anyone and everyone, but Lu Han acts awfully similar on stage and that's decidedly not his real personality. For all he knows, Minseok off stage is shy and perfectly polite and spends his free time cuddling kittens. But it doesn't matter what Minseok is really like because he's Lu Han's rival and therefore Lu Han is obligated to hate him no matter how good a person he might be.
That's not so hard, because while Lu Han is generally a nice, easygoing guy who doesn't hate easily, he's also extremely competitive. Kim Minseok is his direct competition, the front man of a similar style rock band with the same number of members, appearing in all the same competitions. He's even the same age as Lu Han, apparently, but a little older. (Whatever, Lu Han is taller.)
So Lu Han hates Minseok, and has since he saw him for the first time at a band competition they were both participating in. Neither of their bands won, but they were both near the top, and they were both good, with a similar style. It was clear that, more than anyone, Brutal Moonlight, Minseok's band, was who they had to measure up to.
Minseok couldn't sing as well as Lu Han, but he wasn't bad, and when he screamed into the mic, no one seemed to care. More importantly, he had the charisma and attitude to get the audience going, smirking and blowing kisses and throwing in the occasional body roll that made his fangirls (and some fanboys, but definitely not Lu Han) weak in the knees. He knew how to work the crowd and work what he had, and he's only gotten better (worse) in the months since then.
The rivalry excuse stands, but if Lu Han were honest with himself, he might have to admit that he hates Minseok's stage persona less because he's a smug flirt than because when he struts around on stage like that, Lu Han can't look away. He has to watch to know his competition, of course, but he also wants to watch, not so much because of any musical talent Minseok and his band may or may not have as because of Minseok himself. There's just something about his face and his hips and his arms and his smile and his attitude that catch Lu Han's attention whether he likes it or not. (He doesn't.)
Luckily, Lu Han isn't honest with himself or anyone else when it comes to Minseok, so he carries on hating him, and also watching him and plotting ways to surpass him and Brutal Moonlight. That's what matters, making Lu Han's band, Galaxy Thunder, the best they can be, winning over as many fans as they can, and hopefully one day making a living as musicians (or at least having regular gigs while they work other jobs; Lu Han can be realistic). Their rivalry with Brutal Moonlight isn't important, and neither are Kim Minseok's hips.
~
Galaxy Thunder has been together for almost three years now. They lost their keyboard player to grad school after a year and never replaced him, but their line-up has held steady since then. Yixing plays guitar, sings back-up vocals, and writes all their original music and a lot of their lyrics. Yifan writes the rest of their lyrics and plays bass with his monster hands. Zitao rounds out the group on drums and fulfills their diva quota all on his own. They've had their clashes, over music and in general, over the years, but all in all, they have fun and make good music together.
Lu Han's happy with their group, with the music they make and the way they work together and with his friendships with all the members. He's secretly (he hopes) a little shy about performing in front of crowds, but with these guys behind him, he doesn't get scared. With this group, he thinks they could make it to the top, and have a lot of fun doing it.
That's why it's a shock when Yifan announces that he wants to quit. "I was never going to stay in this country forever," he says, like this isn't completely out of the blue.
"But what are we going to do without you?" Zitao whines.
"There are other bass players out there," Yifan says, unmoved. "You guys are talented. You don't need me."
He's probably right that they can manage without him, but Lu Han's still sad to see him go. Yifan has been with them since the beginning, so it's going to be a big change, and he's not convinced they'll be as good with someone else.
Two weeks later, before they've even started looking for a replacement for Yifan, Zitao says, "I'm thinking about quitting too."
Lu Han can't believe his ears. If Zitao leaves, that's half their group. What's he going to do, become an acoustic duo with Yixing? More than that, it hurts that his friends are giving up on what they've worked so hard to create together. They agreed from the beginning that it should be fun and it's not worth sticking with if it stops being fun, but Lu Han still thinks it is. Is he the only one? He doesn't say that-doesn't say much of anything, really-because it's not his place to hold his friends back if they don't want to be here, but he thinks it all the same.
That night, he and Yixing go out for drinks to discuss their future and drown their sorrows. It ends up being more of the second, and soon Lu Han's head is spinning pleasantly, but his mood is much less pleasant. "We're finished!" he groans. He's being melodramatic, but in his defense, he's had enough drinks to lose count and also the band he's dedicated three years of his life to has seen half of its members decide to quit in the space of a month.
"Don't say that," Yixing tells him. "We haven't even tried to recruit new members yet. It's too soon to give up. Don't let all our hard work go to waste."
Lu Han doesn't want to recruit new members. He doesn't want to start all over with strangers. He's not good with strangers, and he's skeptical that they'll work well together. He doesn't want to just give up, especially not when he still has Yixing, but he can't help doubting that it'll be worth it to persevere.
Yixing knows him well enough to guess what's going through his head, and he gives Lu Han a comforting pat on the back. "Don't worry, Lu-ge. We've still got each other, and I won't quit if you don't. We'll figure something out."
~
Yifan and Zitao agree to do one more competition before they go. Lu Han's still feeling down, but he's going to give it his all anyway. If this might be his last time standing on stage, not just with Galaxy Thunder but at all, he wants to go out on a high note, with a performance he can be proud of. That way, whether they manage to keep going or not, he hopes he can be satisfied.
It's not their best performance ever, and Lu Han can't quite let go of his feelings enough to throw himself into it, but it's good, and when he smiles at Yifan and Zitao at the end, his happiness is genuine. They've had a lot of fun together, and it sucks that it's over, but it doesn't take away from the past. Lu Han's adrenaline rush is overpowering his sadness as they leave the stage, and he's feeling good until he sees the members of Brutal Moonlight waiting for their turn on stage.
"You were great out there," says Junmyeon, the guitarist, who's just as competitive as the rest of them but too polite to show it.
"I heard it's your last performance," says Chanyeol, the drummer. "We'll miss seeing you guys out here."
"Who says we're not coming back?" Lu Han snaps, turning a glare on them. They don't need to be here rubbing in the fact that their band is still going strong. Minseok hasn't said a word, but Lu Han gives him a dirty look just on principle.
Yixing puts a hand on Lu Han's back to calm him down. "Don't count all of us out just yet," Yixing tells them, much more calmly. "Lu Han and I aren't done."
Surprise registers on the other group's faces. Lu Han wonders what the rumors that inevitably swirl around these competitions have been saying about them. Junmyeon only smiles his usual polite smile and says, "We'll look forward to it, in that case. Best of luck to all of you."
As they pack up backstage, reality starts to sink in, that this is the end of Galaxy Thunder, or at least of Galaxy Thunder as it is now. Lu Han doesn't want to believe it, but there's no avoiding it any longer. They'll stay until the awards, maybe go out together after, but then that will be it.
They end up placing third behind Brutal Moonlight and another group Lu Han's never seen before, which is adding insult to injury, but there's no use sulking about it. Zitao cries, and Lu Han focuses on teasing him so he doesn't have to think about how he feels like crying himself. That's good; by now, teasing Zitao comes as naturally as breathing.
And then it's over, the crowd starting to disperse as the winning groups walk offstage. Zitao is only crying harder and Lu Han is thinking about how he needs a drink or ten when suddenly Sehun, Brutal Moonlight's bass player comes jogging (well, walking in a vaguely hurried manner) over to them. They stop walking and he explains, looking disgruntled, "My hyungs want to talk to you. They didn't want to let you get away since we don't have your numbers."
Lu Han gives the younger (but annoyingly taller) boy a confused look. What would the members of Brutal Moonlight want with them? They already said their goodbyes. They're not friends, so they're not about to go out and celebrate (or mourn) together. Looking around, his bandmates seem to be having the same thoughts. "Is something wrong?" Yifan asks.
"No, they want to ask you about...something," Sehun says vaguely. Lu Han frowns at Sehun and then at his friends, wondering what this is about. Before any of them can speak up, Sehun, impatient, whines, "Just come, okay? It won't take long."
They find the remaining Brutal Moonlight members in one of the back rooms, gathering their bags and their instruments. When they come in, Junmyeon says, "Hey, I'm sorry to drag you over here. We need to get our stuff out ASAP, but we didn't want to miss you. Do you have a minute?"
Lu Han shrugs, and Yifan answers, "Sure."
"Actually, it's mainly Lu Han and Yixing we want to talk to," Junmyeon clarifies. "We were just talking and...you said you weren't done performing yet, so we were wondering what your plans are? Do you have new members lined up or are you still looking?"
"Why?" Lu Han asks warily. Junmyeon is the one talking to them, but Lu Han's eyes are on Minseok, who's standing off to the side and looking decidedly not hot in his stage makeup, black tank top and jeans so ripped they can hardly be considered pants. His eyes are on the ground, like he doesn't care enough to pay attention to rest of them, or like he thinks he's too good for them.
"The thing is..." Junmyeon continues. "I've been thinking about quitting too and since Yixing plays guitar, we thought maybe our groups could somehow merge."
"What?" Lu Han barks out. They can't seriously be trying to take Yixing away from him. Yixing is all he has left. Surely they can't be such assholes that they'd try to poach his guitarist right in front of him.
"No, no, we mean both of you," Chanyeol jumps in to clarify.
"But you already have a lead singer," Zitao points out, distracted enough by current events to stop crying.
"But Minseok-hyung and Lu Han-ssi have such different voices, so they could fit well together," Chanyeol explains. "Don't you think so?"
The question is directed at Lu Han, and no, he damn well doesn't think that he and Kim Minseok of all people should sing together. How the hell could anyone think that's a good idea?
And then Yixing, that traitor, says, "It could work. We do have a really similar style, so we could be good together." He turns to Lu Han, all earnest in that Yixing way. "What do you think? Wouldn't it be better to work with people we know who are used to working together instead of having to start all over with strangers?"
No, it's a terrible idea. It'll mean sharing the lead singer spot and getting stuck into a group of people who aren't much better than strangers to him, however many times they've met briefly. It'll feel like losing, his band falling apart and getting sucked into Brutal Moonlight. Lu Han doesn't want to quit making music, but this isn't what he wants either. But then, Yixing looks so hopeful, like he really thinks this is a good choice for them, and what if this is all they've got? What if it's join Brutal Moonlight or give up what he loves so much?
"I..." Lu Han's gaze flicks over to Minseok. He's still looking down, but then he lifts his head and catches Lu Han's eyes. He doesn't look happy, but his lips quirk into a crooked line that could almost be called a smile and he shrugs as if to say, 'Why not?' There are a million reasons why not, but Lu Han thinks about how much he loves to sing and how much he'd hate to give it up, and somehow he finds himself nodding.
Minseok doesn't smile, but Junmyeon does, and Chanyeol and Yixing and even Sehun, somewhat grudgingly. "Great!" Junmyeon chirps. "Let's exchange contact information and we can work out the details later."
Lu Han lets Yixing deal with that, watching as he enthusiastically chats with Chanyeol, and tries not to think about how this is the end of Galaxy Thunder, and no matter what comes of their new hybrid group, things are never going to be the same again.
~
They have their first joint rehearsal ("More of a planning meeting," according to Yixing) not quite two weeks later at Sehun's parents' house. (Sehun, Lu Han finds out, is actually four years younger than him despite looking like the oldest in his group, and he lives with his parents.) Yixing has only his acoustic guitar and Lu Han has nothing, nervously fidgeting with the straps of his backpack as they walk from the nearest subway station.
"Relax, Lu-ge," Yixing says without even needing to look at him. "They're nice guys. There's no reason to be scared of them."
"I'm not scared!" Lu Han snaps reflexively.
"Sure you're not." Yixing pats him on the back as they walk, and Lu Han glowers at the sidewalk.
The three remaining members of Brutal Moonlight are all there when they arrive. Chanyeol and Sehun are fooling around loudly, so it takes Lu Han a moment to notice Minseok sitting on a battered couch off to the side. Once he does notice, he has to stop and stare because Minseok looks so different. Lu Han's always seen him dressed up to perform, in dark and ragged clothes, his eyes lined in black, his hair spiked up. Now, dressed in shorts and a plain t-shirt, with his hair unstyled and his face bare, he looks like a completely different person, young and cute and innocent.
Lu Han's so busy trying to process the fact that this is the same Kim Minseok he's used to seeing strutting onstage that he doesn't hear the others talking until Yixing elbows him in the side. He does it hard enough that Lu Han jumps and yelps, getting embarrassed when the others laugh at him. He tears his gaze away from Minseok to glare at Yixing, but he can't hold onto his anger for more than a second; he did kind of deserve that.
They sit down and talk about when to practice and what songs they'll sing and how to arrange them for two singers. It's mostly Chanyeol and Yixing talking, but Lu Han listens and occasionally offers input, or helps Yixing when he stumbles over his Korean. Minseok is quiet too, and despite his lack of stage attitude, he looks vaguely disgruntled, like he doesn't want to be here. Lu Han is less than impressed; he's not thrilled about this merger either, but at least he's trying.
Once they have some solid plans about how to proceed, the conversation dies down and Sehun asks, "What about a name? Are we keeping ours?"
"Wait!" Lu Han protests. Brutal Moonlight is only contributing one more member to this joint group than Galaxy Thunder. It's not fair for them to keep their name.
"We should make a new one, shouldn't we?" Yixing, ever the peacemaker, suggests. "Maybe we can combine our names somehow."
"Galaxy Moonlight?" Chanyeol tries. "Brutal Thunder?"
"Moonlight Thunder." It's the first thing Minseok's said unprompted the whole meeting. All eyes turn to him and he squirms like he's embarrassed by the attention, which is strange to see and awfully cute.
"I like it!" Yixing declares. "What do you guys say?"
"It's a good one," Chanyeol agrees, and Sehun nods.
That leaves only Lu Han, and he doesn't want to approve, just on principle, but he's not stubborn enough for that. It is a good name, after all. "Okay," he says. "Moonlight Thunder it is."
~
It takes a lot of practice to merge their two groups. Their teamwork is lacking and no one is really stepping up to be in charge of the group. (Junmyeon, Chanyeol sheepishly admits, was always the leader for them, and Lu Han supposes that if anyone was the leader of Galaxy Thunder, it was Yifan.) Yixing tries to step up to the plate, but he's also busy trying to rearrange all their music, pushing Sehun and Chanyeol hard to play it just right (because Yixing is laidback in general, but not when it comes to his own music). They're a bit of a mess, to tell the truth.
The vocals are without a doubt the worst of it. It's partly the struggle of rearranging their songs for two lead singers, deciding who should sing where and when there should be additional harmonies added. It's also, Lu Han has to admit, partly his fault, and partly Minseok's. Sehun and Chanyeol bicker with Yixing when he comes down too hard on them, but Lu Han and Minseok can't seem to figure out how to work together at all. They barely talk, and on the rare occasions when they do, it's usually to snipe at each other. Like this, there's no way for them to cooperate.
After their fourth practice, Yixing corners Lu Han for a talk. "What do you have against Minseok?" he asks. "He's not a bad guy."
"Maybe he's nice to you," Lu Han says. "He's always got such a bad attitude around me."
"It's not like your attitude is much better," Yixing chides. "I think he's shy. A lot like someone else I know..."
"So? He still doesn't have to be a jerk to me," Lu Han grumbles.
"I'm just saying that maybe he doesn't know how to talk to you and work things out any more than you know how to talk to him. I'll play mediator if you want me to, but I think it's a lot better if you figure it out yourself."
It's embarrassing, Yixing offering to solve Lu Han's problems for him, and even more embarrassing that Lu Han is tempted to accept. "I'm fine," he snaps. "I can deal with this myself."
"I know you can," Yixing says, infuriatingly gentle. "But do it soon, would you? I'd really like this to work out, and we have a lot of work to do."
~
Lu Han tries. He really does. It's just that he doesn't know how to resolve the situation. He can't just walk up to Minseok and ask, "Do you hate me, and if so, what can I do to fix it?" Besides, he's spent so long hating Minseok. He can't be expected to stop and try to be his friend all of a sudden just because his stupid bandmates ditched him and ruined everything.
He doesn't manage to talk to Minseok, but he does at least attempt to be more civil, even going as far as smiling at him. Minseok doesn't smile back, but he doesn't snap at Lu Han either, so that's something. Their singing together is still all over the place, but Lu Han likes to think that it's better than when they started.
There's another competition coming up soon that they would both be going to if their groups were still whole. It's probably a bad idea to join now, when they're still so shaky working together, but Chanyeol suggests it and Yixing and Sehun agree. "It'll be a good chance to introduce Moonlight Thunder to the world!" Chanyeol says. "We can see how we play on stage. I know we're not all there yet, but haven't you ever gone out in front of an audience feeling unready and had everything come together?"
He has a point, but Lu Han finds the prospect of being in front of a crowd and singing with this group quite frankly terrifying. Can they really do this? He doesn't want to make a fool of himself.
"What do you say, Minseok-hyung?" Chanyeol prods.
Minseok hesitates for a moment, then turns a cool gaze on Lu Han. To Lu Han's surprise and horror, he says, "If you really want to, I'm up for it."
Lu Han hates him that much more for this, but he can't say no anymore. "All right," he agrees. "Let's do it."
~
They practice a lot in the time leading up to the competition, and things do start to come together better, but Lu Han still doesn't feel remotely ready. He and Minseok are getting the hang of their newly arranged parts, but their teamwork leaves much to be desired. Lu Han's really worried that they're going to embarrass themselves on stage.
When Lu Han and Yixing arrive for their last practice before the competition, Minseok approaches them and, without quite looking at Lu Han, says, "Can I talk to you for a second?"
"Me?" Lu Han asks.
"Yeah. Just you." Yixing gives Lu Han a pat on the back before moving away, and Minseok continues, "Look, I know we're not getting along too well, but I want this to work. I love this band and I love singing and I think you do too. I don't want to fuck up this performance. Can we just...try to make it work?"
Lu Han is annoyed, not so much at what Minseok's saying as at the fact that weeks after Yixing told Lu Han to try to patch things up, Minseok is the one finally succeeding in bringing up the topic. Why does he have to be better at this than Lu Han? It makes him want to say something mean, which isn't like him at all. He doesn't understand why Minseok always brings out this side of him. "Okay," he says gruffly. "I don't want to fuck it up either."
"Okay." Lu Han's not looking at Minseok, but he sounds unsure, more so than before. "Let's....practice hard then, right?"
"Right." Lu Han pushes past Minseok into the house where the others have already set up their instruments and determinedly doesn't feel guilty about being short with him.
~
On the day of the competition, Lu Han is positively bursting with nerves. Yixing sticks close to him, alternately trying to cheer Lu Han up and betraying his own nerves with fidgeting and talking too fast. They're not the only ones who are nervous, Chanyeol and Sehun talking endlessly in an attempt to distract themselves. Minseok is typically quiet, but his whole body is tense, his shoulders hunched.
After spending time with Minseok normally, it's strange to see him back in his stage look. They've really gone all out tonight, Minseok and Lu Han both sporting some fancy eye make-up that Chanyeol's friend did for them and matching all-black outfits. Minseok looks, in a word, hot, and Lu Han is tempted to distract himself from his nerves by appreciating that, but he doesn't want to admit, even to himself, that he finds Minseok so attractive.
Yixing gives a pep talk before they go out on stage, going on and on about how they've worked hard and it's time to show that they're a force to be reckoned with and blah blah blah until Lu Han puts a hand over his mouth to shut him up. The rest of them laugh and for a second, Lu Han's eyes meet Minseok's, sharing their amusement, but then the moment passes. Yixing removes Lu Han's hand from his mouth and finishes, "What I'm trying to say is let's do our best out there! Whatever happens, I'm glad to be working with all of you."
It's been a while since Lu Han's been on stage, and he squints against the bright lights before he catches himself. He takes a second to pull up the person he is on stage, rocker Lu Han who's always brimming with confidence, and smirks at the crowd. He hears screams, partly covered be the experimental chord Yixing strums behind him. That's familiar, but Minseok standing next to him is not. They've been practicing singing together, but Lu Han doesn't know how to share the spotlight like this.
Chanyeol's the one who introduces them, the newly merged Moonlight Thunder, emphasizing the name with a cymbal roll. "We're going to put on a great show for you, so everybody scream for us!" he yells into his mic, and the audience does.
Their opening song is one of Yixing's, rearranged to give a verse and the harmony that Yixing used to sing to Minseok. It's always been one of Galaxy Thunder's most popular songs and Lu Han enjoys performing it, but he can't quiet his nerves today. His voice wavers a little on the first line, but he gets himself under control, belting out the rest of the verse the way he always has.
The chorus sounds fine too, Minseok's voice blending well with Lu Han's, but then Lu Han automatically jumps into the second verse. He sings the entire first line before Minseok comes over and nudges him with his elbow to remind him and he abruptly breaks off. It's a playful gesture, or at least Minseok is trying to make it seem like one, but Lu Han bristles anyway. He's annoyed with himself for making the mistake, but it's easier to be annoyed with Minseok for calling him on it.
It only gets worse at the next chorus when Minseok comes over to him again. Now what? Lu Han thinks. He knows he's singing what he's supposed to be.
But what Minseok does is far worse than elbowing Lu Han. He catches the arm Lu Han isn't holding his mic with and pulls him (not hard, but showing some strength) toward him. Lu Han, startled, misses the next note and barely manages to get back on track. What is Minseok doing? It's not until he turns to glare at Minseok and Minseok flashes him a cool smirk that Lu Han realizes: this is fanservice. Minseok is fucking flirting with him on stage.
It shouldn't be such a big deal. Lu Han's all but made out with Yixing on stage before just to hear the fans scream. People love it, and he loves to wind them up. But pretending to flirt with Yixing, who is his friend, is one thing. Doing it with Minseok, who is...Lu Han doesn't know what, but not his friend-that's not okay. And for Minseok to do it out of the blue, without warning, is too much.
Lu Han yanks his arm out of Minseok's grip and turns away, blatantly ignoring him as he sings his next part. He doesn't look down at the crowd, not wanting to know what they made of this. Right now, he just wants to make it to the end.
Minseok doesn't try anything with him again, so there's that, but the rest of their set does not go well. It's not the disaster it could be, but it's a far cry from the performances their separate groups put on. It's also a lot less than what they're capable of, and Lu Han is thoroughly pissed off at Minseok for throwing him off his game when he really couldn't afford that.
They say their somewhat awkward goodbyes, and then Lu Han hurries offstage while the musicians pack things up. He storms off backstage, indulging in an uncharacteristic temper tantrum, and he doesn't realize Minseok has followed him until he feels a tap on his shoulder. He whirls around and immediately glares at Minseok. "What do you want?"
"What's your problem?" Minseok snaps, louder than Lu Han's ever heard him be offstage. "You said you'd try to make it work with me."
"What's your problem?" Lu Han shoots back. "Why'd you have to go and surprise me like that? Did you want me to fuck up on stage?"
"Of course not! I just-I thought-I know they like that, the fans. I wanted to make them like us together. And I've seen you do fanservice before so I didn't think you'd freak out. I wouldn't have done it otherwise." He's losing volume fast, and Lu Han realizes with a shock that Minseok isn't angry but upset, even hurt.
Lu Han wants to stay angry because that's a lot simpler, but the feeling drains out of him, replaced by guilt. "I'm sorry," he says meekly. "You just...caught me by surprise." And I don't want you to flirt with me and not mean it, he thinks, but promptly squashes that thought into oblivion.
"I'm sorry too," Minseok says. "I should've asked before."
They stand there looking at each other, the air still thick with tension, and two thoughts sneak into Lu Han's mind. The first is that Kim Minseok is not at all the person Lu Han thought he was. The second is that Minseok dressed up for the stage, with his eye makeup and his flushed cheeks and his skin shining with sweat is breathtaking up close. It's so unfair and Lu Han's not even sure he can find it in himself to hate Minseok for it anymore.
Minseok is the first to look away. "I'm sorry," he says again, eyes on the ground. "I asked you to make this work, but I haven't really been trying to get along."
"It's okay." Lu Han would say anything to make this awkwardness go away, but he finds he means it. "I haven't been doing a good job of that either."
"It's just..." Minseok hesitates, eyes flicking up to Lu Han's and then back down. "You're so much better than me."
"What?" Lu Han bursts out. He does think he's a better singer, but Minseok's a good performer too, probably better than Lu Han in some ways. More importantly, he didn't think that Minseok thought he was a better singer.
"You're a better singer and you're so...pretty and everyone loves you, so I thought, what's the point of me even trying with you around? I'll never measure up." He sounds so dejected and Lu Han wants to give him a hug, which is an awfully big change from wanting punch him earlier.
"But you're so cool on stage!" Lu Han protests (and what is wrong with him that he's admitting to Minseok that he thinks that?) "You know how to work the crowd so much better than I do, and people do love you, and...I like your singing." Lu Han wants to sink into the ground. It was so much better when he and Minseok didn't talk to each other at all; then he couldn't make a fool of himself like this.
Minseok looks embarrassed, but Lu Han thinks he's pleased at the compliments too. "I guess...I misjudged you. And maybe me too." Minseok wrinkles up his nose cutely and Lu Han wants to poke it and see him smile. What is wrong with him? "Can we just try to start over?"
"Yeah," Lu Han agrees. He's a little afraid of what will happen if he doesn't hate Minseok, but it's probably about time he let go of that. If they want to make this new band work, he has to. "Yeah, we can."
~
The problem with not hating Minseok anymore is that it's harder to avoid feeling other things for Minseok. Lu Han very quickly finds that he likes Minseok a lot, and it's almost embarrassing how badly he wants Minseok to like him back. He gets along well with Sehun and Chanyeol and that's great, but Minseok's friendship Lu Han really wants. (Why he wants Minseok to like him so much is a question Lu Han's not going to touch with a ten-foot pole.)
Those feelings are distracting, but Lu Han's dedicated to the band and he focuses and works hard in practice. They're doing a lot better now, meshing better in both music and singing, getting the hang of their new arrangements. They're getting along better too, laughing together and learning to talk to each other. For Lu Han, it's still a long way from the comfort he felt with Galaxy Thunder, both personally and musically, but he feels like they might get there someday.
Chanyeol finds them a gig at a club a month after their first performance. It's nowhere special, but they get exposure and free alcohol and a little money, and really, it's just exciting to have a chance to play in front of people. It's also a chance to erase the memory of their awkward first performance as Moonlight Thunder and prove, to themselves more than anyone else, that they have what it takes to succeed as a group.
Lu Han is unbearably nervous before the performance. It wasn't entirely his fault they were a mess last time, but he was the one who set the tone with his early mistakes and his attitude toward Minseok. He feels like he has a lot to make up for, and he doesn't want to let the others down. He can't sit still as they wait in their dressing room, bouncing on the balls of his feet, tapping his fingers, dancing to music in his head.
"Damn, you're hyper," Minseok mutters. Lu Han still has a little bit of that impulse to be irritated with Minseok left in him, but there's no heat to Minseok's words, so he reminds himself not to take offense.
Yixing puts down his guitar and comes over, trapping Lu Han in a back hug that's not so much affectionate as forcing him to hold still for a second. "Calm down," he says. "You'll be fine. We'll do great." Lu Han's skeptical, but he tries to fidget a tiny bit less once Yixing releases him.
Lu Han's heart threatens to pound out of his chest as they wait in the wings, but once they step onto the small stage, he feels a little calmer, and more so once the music starts. This is his element. He can do this. He glances to this side and finds Minseok looking at him, and they share a smile. They can do this, he amends.
And they do. They're still not perfect, but their mistakes are far less obvious this time, and their energy is good. Lu Han remembers his parts, and when Minseok comes over to sing back to back with him, he doesn't object. They agreed to give fanservice a try and see how it goes. It's clear their audience likes it, and with onstage adrenaline pumping through his veins, Lu Han is up for anything. They won't be almost making out on stage any time soon, but they're quickly starting to get the hang of putting on a show together.
The guests seem to appreciate their set, and sure, most of them are probably very drunk, but it feels good anyway. They finish with a flourish and take a few bows before making their way backstage again. "We were awesome!" Chanyeol crows, and Lu Han is inclined to agree with him.
The high after a good performance is like nothing else. They're all grinning as they put their things away and then make their way out into the club for celebratory drinks. Lu Han's thrumming with energy-the good kind now, not from nerves-wanting to sing more, or dance or just jump up and down. He could dance, since the music changed over to something more electronic after their set, but first he's going to take advantage of the bartender's offer of free shots.
Yixing agrees to go dance with Lu Han after they drink, and to his surprise, so does Minseok. It probably shouldn't surprise him given that he's seen how Minseok moves, but he would've thought Minseok too reserved to show off those moves offstage. Then again, there were a lot of free shots, and it's hard to stay reserved under the influence of that much alcohol.
At first, it's the three of them together. Yixing's a really good dancer, and although Lu Han doesn't think of him like that, he can see the appeal of Yixing's strong, sexy style. Minseok, though...Minseok is smoother than Yixing, more subtle at first, but once he really starts moving his hips, the sexiness is as in your face as Yixing's. Not, of course, that Lu Han finds Minseok sexy either-he'll leave that to their fans-but he can see the potential.
Yixing gets pulled away to dance with a girl in a very short dress, leaving Lu Han and Minseok alone. Minseok flashes Lu Han a smirk, a toned down version of his cocky stage posturing, and Lu Han determinedly doesn't care, not even when Minseok moves closer to him. He has to lean closer still to say, "I guess you're stuck with me," and wow, it must be hot in here because suddenly Lu Han's cheeks are on fire.
Lu Han has never quite mastered sexy dancing, at least not with another person, but he reflexively catches Minseok's hips when he moves even closer, and moves with him as Minseok rocks back and forth. His mind is reeling because Minseok is very close to him and is this flirting? Is this playing? He's sure as hell never danced with Yixing like this.
Minseok leans in again and Lu Han's heartbeat quickens as Minseok's lips brush the shell of his ear. "We have an audience," he says.
Lu Han ruins any attempt at subtlety by looking around, but then he understands. There are rather a lot of people looking at them, and a few seem scandalized, but mostly they seem to like what they see. Oh, so this is more fanservice, Lu Han thinks, refusing to acknowledge why he feels disappointed. It's working, after all, if what they want is attention and maybe hot women to take home tonight. Is that what Minseok's into?
He's waiting for Minseok to ditch him to dance with one of those hot women, but it doesn't happen. They just keep dancing and Lu Han must have had too many shots because his head is spinning. He doesn't know if he moved closer or Minseok did but they're touching now, hips fitted together as they sway in unison. It's not that kind of club and it's probably still fanservice, but Lu Han doesn't care anymore because Minseok fits so well against him.
It's like they're in their own world and time is suspended until suddenly, so softly that Lu Han thinks he might have imagined it, Minseok moans. Lu Han pulls away in shock once he registers what he heard, or tries to, but Minseok's arms around his neck won't let him move far. Still, he gets far enough away to let him see Minseok's flushed cheeks, his heaving chest and his parted lips. It could just be from dancing, but Minseok is staring at him and Lu Han realizes with a thrill that's equal parts desire, denial and terror that Minseok wants him.
Before Lu Han's alcohol-muddled brain can process that and move onto the question (which isn't really a question if he's honest) of whether he wants Minseok back, Minseok leans in and whispers huskily, "Dressing room." Then he pulls away and walks off the dance floor, leaving Lu Han cold and confused. That only lasts a moment until he realizes what Minseok means, and then his heart starts to pound.
Minseok just propositioned him. Kim fucking Minseok got turned on dancing with him and asked him backstage to do something about it. Lu Han doesn't know if this is a dream or a nightmare, but he knows it can't be real. Minseok can't want him, and Lu Han damn well can't want him back. He'd like to think that, anyway, but he's too drunk to hold onto his usual denial, and before he even realizes what he's doing, he's moving toward the door that leads to the dressing room.
He's half convinced that Minseok won't be there, or that all the guys will be there with him, ready to have a good laugh at his expense, but Lu Han finds only Minseok, who jumps at the sound of the door opening like he's nervous. If he is, it doesn't show in the way he strides across the room to slam Lu Han into the door and kiss him hard. Lu Han freezes for a second, still unable to believe that this is real, but then he kisses back for all he's worth.
They pull almost frantically at each other's clothes as they kiss, Lu Han's fingers getting caught in the fashionable rips in Minseok's shirt before he manages to tug it over his head. Minseok's muscles feel amazing under Lu Han's hands, his skin hot and slick with sweat, and he has to bend down to taste it, biting down on Minseok's collarbone when Minseok's hand presses against the front of his pants.
"Fuck," Minseok grinds out, and Lu Han kisses him again, messy and hungry and perfect.
They're both wearing too-tight pants, but Minseok manages to get Lu Han's open, yanking them down to his thighs before they get stuck. "Take them off," he demands, halfway between an order and a whine.
Lu Han hurries to comply, and while he's doing that, Minseok shimmies out of his own pants. A second later, Minseok has Lu Han backed into the arm of the dressing room's ratty, old sofa. They're both hard and Lu Han moans when Minseok presses between his legs, biting lightly at Lu Han's throat and then dipping down to drag his tongue over one of Lu Han's nipples.
"Hold this," Minseok murmurs, pressing something into Lu Han's hand.
Lu Han takes it automatically, not registering until a few seconds later that it's a condom. He's not so far gone that he's not a little shocked by that. "Wait, Minseok, can we-"
"I locked the door." Minseok's lips are on his chest and it's awfully hard to focus on anything else. "Chanyeol and Sehun always stay out for hours after a show, so unless you think Yixing is coming back here soon..."
It's crazy. Lu Han's hooked up after a show a couple of times, but never somewhere so public, and never with someone who played the show with him. He should at least drag Minseok home with him, but he wants this so badly now that they've started and he's afraid that Minseok might change his mind by the time they get somewhere more private. With Minseok right here, he can't say no.
Minseok gives him a few seconds to object and then he sinks down to his knees. Lu Han's eyes go wide because he's pretty sure he had a dream like this that he tried to forget, but Minseok's mouth doesn't go quite where he'd like it, instead biting Lu Han's thigh while he does something with his hands that Lu Han can't see but can guess at. Sure enough, soon after, he feels one of Minseok's fingers, cool and wet, between his legs.
"Okay?" Minseok's voice is rough and just the sound of it turns Lu Han on, makes him want Minseok that much more.
"Yeah." The word is barely out of his mouth before Minseok's finger presses into him, making Lu Han moan. Minseok stretches him quickly, enough so that it might hurt if he wasn't drunk, but as it is, it just feels good, especially when Minseok's other hand circles his cock and strokes it slowly. Lu Han covers his mouth with his fist, not knowing who's outside the door to hear them, but he can't make himself hold back.
When Lu Han's ready, Minseok gets to his feet and turns him around to lean over the arm of the couch. Lu Han might be insulted at being manhandled, and also at how Minseok just assumed he'd be willing to bottom, but he'd very effectively distracted by Minseok thrusting into him, sending a wave of mixed pain and pleasure through him. Then Minseok starts to move and any objections Lu Han might have had fly out of his head because fuck, Minseok can really move.
Minseok's thrusts are hard and fast and steady and all Lu Han can do is flop onto the smelly couch and moan, on and on and on. It's so good, and then Minseok touches him and it's even better, his whole body buzzing with it. He doesn't want it to stop, but he's getting close, so close. "Harder," he groans, barely aware of what he's saying. "Harder, harder, more, please."
He doesn't know if Minseok can understand him (is he even speaking Korean?) but he does thrust harder, his hand moving faster, and soon Lu Han is gone, stars exploding at the edges of his vision as his body sings with pleasure. Minseok bends down and bites Lu Han's shoulder as he comes himself, his last few thrusts making Lu Han tremble and cry out as his orgasm is dragged out just a little longer.
Minseok stays slumped against his back as they both come down, and Lu Han thinks, Fuck, what just happened? but he doesn't care enough to move. He's still drunk and he just had a very nice orgasm after a very nice performance and he's just going to let himself feel good for now.
"We should..." Minseok mumbles after a while, still sounding dazed. He doesn't finish his sentence, but he pulls away, leaving Lu Han feeling cold and empty. It takes him a little longer to move, and by the time he stands up, Minseok already has his pants on (not the tight ones he performed in, but the more comfortable ones he wore to the club).
Lu Han feels like he should say something, but Minseok isn't looking at him and he doesn't know the right thing to say anyway (as if he ever does). Instead, he picks up his discarded clothes and gets dressed slowly. Minseok waits until he's done, but then he says, "Let's go back out," and doesn't wait for Lu Han to answer before walking out the door.
Part 1 / Part 2
For: london9calling
Pairing: Luhan/Xiumin
Rating: NC-17
Length: 12,368 words
Summary: Lu Han hates his rival, Kim Minseok. Too bad merging his band with Minseok's may be the only way for Lu Han to keep singing.
Author's Note: Thanks to D and K, and to other K for band naming advice.
Lu Han hates Kim Minseok.
Okay, that's a lie. Lu Han barely knows Kim Minseok except what he sees of him on stage. What he sees on stage is a cocky asshole who flirts with anyone and everyone, but Lu Han acts awfully similar on stage and that's decidedly not his real personality. For all he knows, Minseok off stage is shy and perfectly polite and spends his free time cuddling kittens. But it doesn't matter what Minseok is really like because he's Lu Han's rival and therefore Lu Han is obligated to hate him no matter how good a person he might be.
That's not so hard, because while Lu Han is generally a nice, easygoing guy who doesn't hate easily, he's also extremely competitive. Kim Minseok is his direct competition, the front man of a similar style rock band with the same number of members, appearing in all the same competitions. He's even the same age as Lu Han, apparently, but a little older. (Whatever, Lu Han is taller.)
So Lu Han hates Minseok, and has since he saw him for the first time at a band competition they were both participating in. Neither of their bands won, but they were both near the top, and they were both good, with a similar style. It was clear that, more than anyone, Brutal Moonlight, Minseok's band, was who they had to measure up to.
Minseok couldn't sing as well as Lu Han, but he wasn't bad, and when he screamed into the mic, no one seemed to care. More importantly, he had the charisma and attitude to get the audience going, smirking and blowing kisses and throwing in the occasional body roll that made his fangirls (and some fanboys, but definitely not Lu Han) weak in the knees. He knew how to work the crowd and work what he had, and he's only gotten better (worse) in the months since then.
The rivalry excuse stands, but if Lu Han were honest with himself, he might have to admit that he hates Minseok's stage persona less because he's a smug flirt than because when he struts around on stage like that, Lu Han can't look away. He has to watch to know his competition, of course, but he also wants to watch, not so much because of any musical talent Minseok and his band may or may not have as because of Minseok himself. There's just something about his face and his hips and his arms and his smile and his attitude that catch Lu Han's attention whether he likes it or not. (He doesn't.)
Luckily, Lu Han isn't honest with himself or anyone else when it comes to Minseok, so he carries on hating him, and also watching him and plotting ways to surpass him and Brutal Moonlight. That's what matters, making Lu Han's band, Galaxy Thunder, the best they can be, winning over as many fans as they can, and hopefully one day making a living as musicians (or at least having regular gigs while they work other jobs; Lu Han can be realistic). Their rivalry with Brutal Moonlight isn't important, and neither are Kim Minseok's hips.
~
Galaxy Thunder has been together for almost three years now. They lost their keyboard player to grad school after a year and never replaced him, but their line-up has held steady since then. Yixing plays guitar, sings back-up vocals, and writes all their original music and a lot of their lyrics. Yifan writes the rest of their lyrics and plays bass with his monster hands. Zitao rounds out the group on drums and fulfills their diva quota all on his own. They've had their clashes, over music and in general, over the years, but all in all, they have fun and make good music together.
Lu Han's happy with their group, with the music they make and the way they work together and with his friendships with all the members. He's secretly (he hopes) a little shy about performing in front of crowds, but with these guys behind him, he doesn't get scared. With this group, he thinks they could make it to the top, and have a lot of fun doing it.
That's why it's a shock when Yifan announces that he wants to quit. "I was never going to stay in this country forever," he says, like this isn't completely out of the blue.
"But what are we going to do without you?" Zitao whines.
"There are other bass players out there," Yifan says, unmoved. "You guys are talented. You don't need me."
He's probably right that they can manage without him, but Lu Han's still sad to see him go. Yifan has been with them since the beginning, so it's going to be a big change, and he's not convinced they'll be as good with someone else.
Two weeks later, before they've even started looking for a replacement for Yifan, Zitao says, "I'm thinking about quitting too."
Lu Han can't believe his ears. If Zitao leaves, that's half their group. What's he going to do, become an acoustic duo with Yixing? More than that, it hurts that his friends are giving up on what they've worked so hard to create together. They agreed from the beginning that it should be fun and it's not worth sticking with if it stops being fun, but Lu Han still thinks it is. Is he the only one? He doesn't say that-doesn't say much of anything, really-because it's not his place to hold his friends back if they don't want to be here, but he thinks it all the same.
That night, he and Yixing go out for drinks to discuss their future and drown their sorrows. It ends up being more of the second, and soon Lu Han's head is spinning pleasantly, but his mood is much less pleasant. "We're finished!" he groans. He's being melodramatic, but in his defense, he's had enough drinks to lose count and also the band he's dedicated three years of his life to has seen half of its members decide to quit in the space of a month.
"Don't say that," Yixing tells him. "We haven't even tried to recruit new members yet. It's too soon to give up. Don't let all our hard work go to waste."
Lu Han doesn't want to recruit new members. He doesn't want to start all over with strangers. He's not good with strangers, and he's skeptical that they'll work well together. He doesn't want to just give up, especially not when he still has Yixing, but he can't help doubting that it'll be worth it to persevere.
Yixing knows him well enough to guess what's going through his head, and he gives Lu Han a comforting pat on the back. "Don't worry, Lu-ge. We've still got each other, and I won't quit if you don't. We'll figure something out."
~
Yifan and Zitao agree to do one more competition before they go. Lu Han's still feeling down, but he's going to give it his all anyway. If this might be his last time standing on stage, not just with Galaxy Thunder but at all, he wants to go out on a high note, with a performance he can be proud of. That way, whether they manage to keep going or not, he hopes he can be satisfied.
It's not their best performance ever, and Lu Han can't quite let go of his feelings enough to throw himself into it, but it's good, and when he smiles at Yifan and Zitao at the end, his happiness is genuine. They've had a lot of fun together, and it sucks that it's over, but it doesn't take away from the past. Lu Han's adrenaline rush is overpowering his sadness as they leave the stage, and he's feeling good until he sees the members of Brutal Moonlight waiting for their turn on stage.
"You were great out there," says Junmyeon, the guitarist, who's just as competitive as the rest of them but too polite to show it.
"I heard it's your last performance," says Chanyeol, the drummer. "We'll miss seeing you guys out here."
"Who says we're not coming back?" Lu Han snaps, turning a glare on them. They don't need to be here rubbing in the fact that their band is still going strong. Minseok hasn't said a word, but Lu Han gives him a dirty look just on principle.
Yixing puts a hand on Lu Han's back to calm him down. "Don't count all of us out just yet," Yixing tells them, much more calmly. "Lu Han and I aren't done."
Surprise registers on the other group's faces. Lu Han wonders what the rumors that inevitably swirl around these competitions have been saying about them. Junmyeon only smiles his usual polite smile and says, "We'll look forward to it, in that case. Best of luck to all of you."
As they pack up backstage, reality starts to sink in, that this is the end of Galaxy Thunder, or at least of Galaxy Thunder as it is now. Lu Han doesn't want to believe it, but there's no avoiding it any longer. They'll stay until the awards, maybe go out together after, but then that will be it.
They end up placing third behind Brutal Moonlight and another group Lu Han's never seen before, which is adding insult to injury, but there's no use sulking about it. Zitao cries, and Lu Han focuses on teasing him so he doesn't have to think about how he feels like crying himself. That's good; by now, teasing Zitao comes as naturally as breathing.
And then it's over, the crowd starting to disperse as the winning groups walk offstage. Zitao is only crying harder and Lu Han is thinking about how he needs a drink or ten when suddenly Sehun, Brutal Moonlight's bass player comes jogging (well, walking in a vaguely hurried manner) over to them. They stop walking and he explains, looking disgruntled, "My hyungs want to talk to you. They didn't want to let you get away since we don't have your numbers."
Lu Han gives the younger (but annoyingly taller) boy a confused look. What would the members of Brutal Moonlight want with them? They already said their goodbyes. They're not friends, so they're not about to go out and celebrate (or mourn) together. Looking around, his bandmates seem to be having the same thoughts. "Is something wrong?" Yifan asks.
"No, they want to ask you about...something," Sehun says vaguely. Lu Han frowns at Sehun and then at his friends, wondering what this is about. Before any of them can speak up, Sehun, impatient, whines, "Just come, okay? It won't take long."
They find the remaining Brutal Moonlight members in one of the back rooms, gathering their bags and their instruments. When they come in, Junmyeon says, "Hey, I'm sorry to drag you over here. We need to get our stuff out ASAP, but we didn't want to miss you. Do you have a minute?"
Lu Han shrugs, and Yifan answers, "Sure."
"Actually, it's mainly Lu Han and Yixing we want to talk to," Junmyeon clarifies. "We were just talking and...you said you weren't done performing yet, so we were wondering what your plans are? Do you have new members lined up or are you still looking?"
"Why?" Lu Han asks warily. Junmyeon is the one talking to them, but Lu Han's eyes are on Minseok, who's standing off to the side and looking decidedly not hot in his stage makeup, black tank top and jeans so ripped they can hardly be considered pants. His eyes are on the ground, like he doesn't care enough to pay attention to rest of them, or like he thinks he's too good for them.
"The thing is..." Junmyeon continues. "I've been thinking about quitting too and since Yixing plays guitar, we thought maybe our groups could somehow merge."
"What?" Lu Han barks out. They can't seriously be trying to take Yixing away from him. Yixing is all he has left. Surely they can't be such assholes that they'd try to poach his guitarist right in front of him.
"No, no, we mean both of you," Chanyeol jumps in to clarify.
"But you already have a lead singer," Zitao points out, distracted enough by current events to stop crying.
"But Minseok-hyung and Lu Han-ssi have such different voices, so they could fit well together," Chanyeol explains. "Don't you think so?"
The question is directed at Lu Han, and no, he damn well doesn't think that he and Kim Minseok of all people should sing together. How the hell could anyone think that's a good idea?
And then Yixing, that traitor, says, "It could work. We do have a really similar style, so we could be good together." He turns to Lu Han, all earnest in that Yixing way. "What do you think? Wouldn't it be better to work with people we know who are used to working together instead of having to start all over with strangers?"
No, it's a terrible idea. It'll mean sharing the lead singer spot and getting stuck into a group of people who aren't much better than strangers to him, however many times they've met briefly. It'll feel like losing, his band falling apart and getting sucked into Brutal Moonlight. Lu Han doesn't want to quit making music, but this isn't what he wants either. But then, Yixing looks so hopeful, like he really thinks this is a good choice for them, and what if this is all they've got? What if it's join Brutal Moonlight or give up what he loves so much?
"I..." Lu Han's gaze flicks over to Minseok. He's still looking down, but then he lifts his head and catches Lu Han's eyes. He doesn't look happy, but his lips quirk into a crooked line that could almost be called a smile and he shrugs as if to say, 'Why not?' There are a million reasons why not, but Lu Han thinks about how much he loves to sing and how much he'd hate to give it up, and somehow he finds himself nodding.
Minseok doesn't smile, but Junmyeon does, and Chanyeol and Yixing and even Sehun, somewhat grudgingly. "Great!" Junmyeon chirps. "Let's exchange contact information and we can work out the details later."
Lu Han lets Yixing deal with that, watching as he enthusiastically chats with Chanyeol, and tries not to think about how this is the end of Galaxy Thunder, and no matter what comes of their new hybrid group, things are never going to be the same again.
~
They have their first joint rehearsal ("More of a planning meeting," according to Yixing) not quite two weeks later at Sehun's parents' house. (Sehun, Lu Han finds out, is actually four years younger than him despite looking like the oldest in his group, and he lives with his parents.) Yixing has only his acoustic guitar and Lu Han has nothing, nervously fidgeting with the straps of his backpack as they walk from the nearest subway station.
"Relax, Lu-ge," Yixing says without even needing to look at him. "They're nice guys. There's no reason to be scared of them."
"I'm not scared!" Lu Han snaps reflexively.
"Sure you're not." Yixing pats him on the back as they walk, and Lu Han glowers at the sidewalk.
The three remaining members of Brutal Moonlight are all there when they arrive. Chanyeol and Sehun are fooling around loudly, so it takes Lu Han a moment to notice Minseok sitting on a battered couch off to the side. Once he does notice, he has to stop and stare because Minseok looks so different. Lu Han's always seen him dressed up to perform, in dark and ragged clothes, his eyes lined in black, his hair spiked up. Now, dressed in shorts and a plain t-shirt, with his hair unstyled and his face bare, he looks like a completely different person, young and cute and innocent.
Lu Han's so busy trying to process the fact that this is the same Kim Minseok he's used to seeing strutting onstage that he doesn't hear the others talking until Yixing elbows him in the side. He does it hard enough that Lu Han jumps and yelps, getting embarrassed when the others laugh at him. He tears his gaze away from Minseok to glare at Yixing, but he can't hold onto his anger for more than a second; he did kind of deserve that.
They sit down and talk about when to practice and what songs they'll sing and how to arrange them for two singers. It's mostly Chanyeol and Yixing talking, but Lu Han listens and occasionally offers input, or helps Yixing when he stumbles over his Korean. Minseok is quiet too, and despite his lack of stage attitude, he looks vaguely disgruntled, like he doesn't want to be here. Lu Han is less than impressed; he's not thrilled about this merger either, but at least he's trying.
Once they have some solid plans about how to proceed, the conversation dies down and Sehun asks, "What about a name? Are we keeping ours?"
"Wait!" Lu Han protests. Brutal Moonlight is only contributing one more member to this joint group than Galaxy Thunder. It's not fair for them to keep their name.
"We should make a new one, shouldn't we?" Yixing, ever the peacemaker, suggests. "Maybe we can combine our names somehow."
"Galaxy Moonlight?" Chanyeol tries. "Brutal Thunder?"
"Moonlight Thunder." It's the first thing Minseok's said unprompted the whole meeting. All eyes turn to him and he squirms like he's embarrassed by the attention, which is strange to see and awfully cute.
"I like it!" Yixing declares. "What do you guys say?"
"It's a good one," Chanyeol agrees, and Sehun nods.
That leaves only Lu Han, and he doesn't want to approve, just on principle, but he's not stubborn enough for that. It is a good name, after all. "Okay," he says. "Moonlight Thunder it is."
~
It takes a lot of practice to merge their two groups. Their teamwork is lacking and no one is really stepping up to be in charge of the group. (Junmyeon, Chanyeol sheepishly admits, was always the leader for them, and Lu Han supposes that if anyone was the leader of Galaxy Thunder, it was Yifan.) Yixing tries to step up to the plate, but he's also busy trying to rearrange all their music, pushing Sehun and Chanyeol hard to play it just right (because Yixing is laidback in general, but not when it comes to his own music). They're a bit of a mess, to tell the truth.
The vocals are without a doubt the worst of it. It's partly the struggle of rearranging their songs for two lead singers, deciding who should sing where and when there should be additional harmonies added. It's also, Lu Han has to admit, partly his fault, and partly Minseok's. Sehun and Chanyeol bicker with Yixing when he comes down too hard on them, but Lu Han and Minseok can't seem to figure out how to work together at all. They barely talk, and on the rare occasions when they do, it's usually to snipe at each other. Like this, there's no way for them to cooperate.
After their fourth practice, Yixing corners Lu Han for a talk. "What do you have against Minseok?" he asks. "He's not a bad guy."
"Maybe he's nice to you," Lu Han says. "He's always got such a bad attitude around me."
"It's not like your attitude is much better," Yixing chides. "I think he's shy. A lot like someone else I know..."
"So? He still doesn't have to be a jerk to me," Lu Han grumbles.
"I'm just saying that maybe he doesn't know how to talk to you and work things out any more than you know how to talk to him. I'll play mediator if you want me to, but I think it's a lot better if you figure it out yourself."
It's embarrassing, Yixing offering to solve Lu Han's problems for him, and even more embarrassing that Lu Han is tempted to accept. "I'm fine," he snaps. "I can deal with this myself."
"I know you can," Yixing says, infuriatingly gentle. "But do it soon, would you? I'd really like this to work out, and we have a lot of work to do."
~
Lu Han tries. He really does. It's just that he doesn't know how to resolve the situation. He can't just walk up to Minseok and ask, "Do you hate me, and if so, what can I do to fix it?" Besides, he's spent so long hating Minseok. He can't be expected to stop and try to be his friend all of a sudden just because his stupid bandmates ditched him and ruined everything.
He doesn't manage to talk to Minseok, but he does at least attempt to be more civil, even going as far as smiling at him. Minseok doesn't smile back, but he doesn't snap at Lu Han either, so that's something. Their singing together is still all over the place, but Lu Han likes to think that it's better than when they started.
There's another competition coming up soon that they would both be going to if their groups were still whole. It's probably a bad idea to join now, when they're still so shaky working together, but Chanyeol suggests it and Yixing and Sehun agree. "It'll be a good chance to introduce Moonlight Thunder to the world!" Chanyeol says. "We can see how we play on stage. I know we're not all there yet, but haven't you ever gone out in front of an audience feeling unready and had everything come together?"
He has a point, but Lu Han finds the prospect of being in front of a crowd and singing with this group quite frankly terrifying. Can they really do this? He doesn't want to make a fool of himself.
"What do you say, Minseok-hyung?" Chanyeol prods.
Minseok hesitates for a moment, then turns a cool gaze on Lu Han. To Lu Han's surprise and horror, he says, "If you really want to, I'm up for it."
Lu Han hates him that much more for this, but he can't say no anymore. "All right," he agrees. "Let's do it."
~
They practice a lot in the time leading up to the competition, and things do start to come together better, but Lu Han still doesn't feel remotely ready. He and Minseok are getting the hang of their newly arranged parts, but their teamwork leaves much to be desired. Lu Han's really worried that they're going to embarrass themselves on stage.
When Lu Han and Yixing arrive for their last practice before the competition, Minseok approaches them and, without quite looking at Lu Han, says, "Can I talk to you for a second?"
"Me?" Lu Han asks.
"Yeah. Just you." Yixing gives Lu Han a pat on the back before moving away, and Minseok continues, "Look, I know we're not getting along too well, but I want this to work. I love this band and I love singing and I think you do too. I don't want to fuck up this performance. Can we just...try to make it work?"
Lu Han is annoyed, not so much at what Minseok's saying as at the fact that weeks after Yixing told Lu Han to try to patch things up, Minseok is the one finally succeeding in bringing up the topic. Why does he have to be better at this than Lu Han? It makes him want to say something mean, which isn't like him at all. He doesn't understand why Minseok always brings out this side of him. "Okay," he says gruffly. "I don't want to fuck it up either."
"Okay." Lu Han's not looking at Minseok, but he sounds unsure, more so than before. "Let's....practice hard then, right?"
"Right." Lu Han pushes past Minseok into the house where the others have already set up their instruments and determinedly doesn't feel guilty about being short with him.
~
On the day of the competition, Lu Han is positively bursting with nerves. Yixing sticks close to him, alternately trying to cheer Lu Han up and betraying his own nerves with fidgeting and talking too fast. They're not the only ones who are nervous, Chanyeol and Sehun talking endlessly in an attempt to distract themselves. Minseok is typically quiet, but his whole body is tense, his shoulders hunched.
After spending time with Minseok normally, it's strange to see him back in his stage look. They've really gone all out tonight, Minseok and Lu Han both sporting some fancy eye make-up that Chanyeol's friend did for them and matching all-black outfits. Minseok looks, in a word, hot, and Lu Han is tempted to distract himself from his nerves by appreciating that, but he doesn't want to admit, even to himself, that he finds Minseok so attractive.
Yixing gives a pep talk before they go out on stage, going on and on about how they've worked hard and it's time to show that they're a force to be reckoned with and blah blah blah until Lu Han puts a hand over his mouth to shut him up. The rest of them laugh and for a second, Lu Han's eyes meet Minseok's, sharing their amusement, but then the moment passes. Yixing removes Lu Han's hand from his mouth and finishes, "What I'm trying to say is let's do our best out there! Whatever happens, I'm glad to be working with all of you."
It's been a while since Lu Han's been on stage, and he squints against the bright lights before he catches himself. He takes a second to pull up the person he is on stage, rocker Lu Han who's always brimming with confidence, and smirks at the crowd. He hears screams, partly covered be the experimental chord Yixing strums behind him. That's familiar, but Minseok standing next to him is not. They've been practicing singing together, but Lu Han doesn't know how to share the spotlight like this.
Chanyeol's the one who introduces them, the newly merged Moonlight Thunder, emphasizing the name with a cymbal roll. "We're going to put on a great show for you, so everybody scream for us!" he yells into his mic, and the audience does.
Their opening song is one of Yixing's, rearranged to give a verse and the harmony that Yixing used to sing to Minseok. It's always been one of Galaxy Thunder's most popular songs and Lu Han enjoys performing it, but he can't quiet his nerves today. His voice wavers a little on the first line, but he gets himself under control, belting out the rest of the verse the way he always has.
The chorus sounds fine too, Minseok's voice blending well with Lu Han's, but then Lu Han automatically jumps into the second verse. He sings the entire first line before Minseok comes over and nudges him with his elbow to remind him and he abruptly breaks off. It's a playful gesture, or at least Minseok is trying to make it seem like one, but Lu Han bristles anyway. He's annoyed with himself for making the mistake, but it's easier to be annoyed with Minseok for calling him on it.
It only gets worse at the next chorus when Minseok comes over to him again. Now what? Lu Han thinks. He knows he's singing what he's supposed to be.
But what Minseok does is far worse than elbowing Lu Han. He catches the arm Lu Han isn't holding his mic with and pulls him (not hard, but showing some strength) toward him. Lu Han, startled, misses the next note and barely manages to get back on track. What is Minseok doing? It's not until he turns to glare at Minseok and Minseok flashes him a cool smirk that Lu Han realizes: this is fanservice. Minseok is fucking flirting with him on stage.
It shouldn't be such a big deal. Lu Han's all but made out with Yixing on stage before just to hear the fans scream. People love it, and he loves to wind them up. But pretending to flirt with Yixing, who is his friend, is one thing. Doing it with Minseok, who is...Lu Han doesn't know what, but not his friend-that's not okay. And for Minseok to do it out of the blue, without warning, is too much.
Lu Han yanks his arm out of Minseok's grip and turns away, blatantly ignoring him as he sings his next part. He doesn't look down at the crowd, not wanting to know what they made of this. Right now, he just wants to make it to the end.
Minseok doesn't try anything with him again, so there's that, but the rest of their set does not go well. It's not the disaster it could be, but it's a far cry from the performances their separate groups put on. It's also a lot less than what they're capable of, and Lu Han is thoroughly pissed off at Minseok for throwing him off his game when he really couldn't afford that.
They say their somewhat awkward goodbyes, and then Lu Han hurries offstage while the musicians pack things up. He storms off backstage, indulging in an uncharacteristic temper tantrum, and he doesn't realize Minseok has followed him until he feels a tap on his shoulder. He whirls around and immediately glares at Minseok. "What do you want?"
"What's your problem?" Minseok snaps, louder than Lu Han's ever heard him be offstage. "You said you'd try to make it work with me."
"What's your problem?" Lu Han shoots back. "Why'd you have to go and surprise me like that? Did you want me to fuck up on stage?"
"Of course not! I just-I thought-I know they like that, the fans. I wanted to make them like us together. And I've seen you do fanservice before so I didn't think you'd freak out. I wouldn't have done it otherwise." He's losing volume fast, and Lu Han realizes with a shock that Minseok isn't angry but upset, even hurt.
Lu Han wants to stay angry because that's a lot simpler, but the feeling drains out of him, replaced by guilt. "I'm sorry," he says meekly. "You just...caught me by surprise." And I don't want you to flirt with me and not mean it, he thinks, but promptly squashes that thought into oblivion.
"I'm sorry too," Minseok says. "I should've asked before."
They stand there looking at each other, the air still thick with tension, and two thoughts sneak into Lu Han's mind. The first is that Kim Minseok is not at all the person Lu Han thought he was. The second is that Minseok dressed up for the stage, with his eye makeup and his flushed cheeks and his skin shining with sweat is breathtaking up close. It's so unfair and Lu Han's not even sure he can find it in himself to hate Minseok for it anymore.
Minseok is the first to look away. "I'm sorry," he says again, eyes on the ground. "I asked you to make this work, but I haven't really been trying to get along."
"It's okay." Lu Han would say anything to make this awkwardness go away, but he finds he means it. "I haven't been doing a good job of that either."
"It's just..." Minseok hesitates, eyes flicking up to Lu Han's and then back down. "You're so much better than me."
"What?" Lu Han bursts out. He does think he's a better singer, but Minseok's a good performer too, probably better than Lu Han in some ways. More importantly, he didn't think that Minseok thought he was a better singer.
"You're a better singer and you're so...pretty and everyone loves you, so I thought, what's the point of me even trying with you around? I'll never measure up." He sounds so dejected and Lu Han wants to give him a hug, which is an awfully big change from wanting punch him earlier.
"But you're so cool on stage!" Lu Han protests (and what is wrong with him that he's admitting to Minseok that he thinks that?) "You know how to work the crowd so much better than I do, and people do love you, and...I like your singing." Lu Han wants to sink into the ground. It was so much better when he and Minseok didn't talk to each other at all; then he couldn't make a fool of himself like this.
Minseok looks embarrassed, but Lu Han thinks he's pleased at the compliments too. "I guess...I misjudged you. And maybe me too." Minseok wrinkles up his nose cutely and Lu Han wants to poke it and see him smile. What is wrong with him? "Can we just try to start over?"
"Yeah," Lu Han agrees. He's a little afraid of what will happen if he doesn't hate Minseok, but it's probably about time he let go of that. If they want to make this new band work, he has to. "Yeah, we can."
~
The problem with not hating Minseok anymore is that it's harder to avoid feeling other things for Minseok. Lu Han very quickly finds that he likes Minseok a lot, and it's almost embarrassing how badly he wants Minseok to like him back. He gets along well with Sehun and Chanyeol and that's great, but Minseok's friendship Lu Han really wants. (Why he wants Minseok to like him so much is a question Lu Han's not going to touch with a ten-foot pole.)
Those feelings are distracting, but Lu Han's dedicated to the band and he focuses and works hard in practice. They're doing a lot better now, meshing better in both music and singing, getting the hang of their new arrangements. They're getting along better too, laughing together and learning to talk to each other. For Lu Han, it's still a long way from the comfort he felt with Galaxy Thunder, both personally and musically, but he feels like they might get there someday.
Chanyeol finds them a gig at a club a month after their first performance. It's nowhere special, but they get exposure and free alcohol and a little money, and really, it's just exciting to have a chance to play in front of people. It's also a chance to erase the memory of their awkward first performance as Moonlight Thunder and prove, to themselves more than anyone else, that they have what it takes to succeed as a group.
Lu Han is unbearably nervous before the performance. It wasn't entirely his fault they were a mess last time, but he was the one who set the tone with his early mistakes and his attitude toward Minseok. He feels like he has a lot to make up for, and he doesn't want to let the others down. He can't sit still as they wait in their dressing room, bouncing on the balls of his feet, tapping his fingers, dancing to music in his head.
"Damn, you're hyper," Minseok mutters. Lu Han still has a little bit of that impulse to be irritated with Minseok left in him, but there's no heat to Minseok's words, so he reminds himself not to take offense.
Yixing puts down his guitar and comes over, trapping Lu Han in a back hug that's not so much affectionate as forcing him to hold still for a second. "Calm down," he says. "You'll be fine. We'll do great." Lu Han's skeptical, but he tries to fidget a tiny bit less once Yixing releases him.
Lu Han's heart threatens to pound out of his chest as they wait in the wings, but once they step onto the small stage, he feels a little calmer, and more so once the music starts. This is his element. He can do this. He glances to this side and finds Minseok looking at him, and they share a smile. They can do this, he amends.
And they do. They're still not perfect, but their mistakes are far less obvious this time, and their energy is good. Lu Han remembers his parts, and when Minseok comes over to sing back to back with him, he doesn't object. They agreed to give fanservice a try and see how it goes. It's clear their audience likes it, and with onstage adrenaline pumping through his veins, Lu Han is up for anything. They won't be almost making out on stage any time soon, but they're quickly starting to get the hang of putting on a show together.
The guests seem to appreciate their set, and sure, most of them are probably very drunk, but it feels good anyway. They finish with a flourish and take a few bows before making their way backstage again. "We were awesome!" Chanyeol crows, and Lu Han is inclined to agree with him.
The high after a good performance is like nothing else. They're all grinning as they put their things away and then make their way out into the club for celebratory drinks. Lu Han's thrumming with energy-the good kind now, not from nerves-wanting to sing more, or dance or just jump up and down. He could dance, since the music changed over to something more electronic after their set, but first he's going to take advantage of the bartender's offer of free shots.
Yixing agrees to go dance with Lu Han after they drink, and to his surprise, so does Minseok. It probably shouldn't surprise him given that he's seen how Minseok moves, but he would've thought Minseok too reserved to show off those moves offstage. Then again, there were a lot of free shots, and it's hard to stay reserved under the influence of that much alcohol.
At first, it's the three of them together. Yixing's a really good dancer, and although Lu Han doesn't think of him like that, he can see the appeal of Yixing's strong, sexy style. Minseok, though...Minseok is smoother than Yixing, more subtle at first, but once he really starts moving his hips, the sexiness is as in your face as Yixing's. Not, of course, that Lu Han finds Minseok sexy either-he'll leave that to their fans-but he can see the potential.
Yixing gets pulled away to dance with a girl in a very short dress, leaving Lu Han and Minseok alone. Minseok flashes Lu Han a smirk, a toned down version of his cocky stage posturing, and Lu Han determinedly doesn't care, not even when Minseok moves closer to him. He has to lean closer still to say, "I guess you're stuck with me," and wow, it must be hot in here because suddenly Lu Han's cheeks are on fire.
Lu Han has never quite mastered sexy dancing, at least not with another person, but he reflexively catches Minseok's hips when he moves even closer, and moves with him as Minseok rocks back and forth. His mind is reeling because Minseok is very close to him and is this flirting? Is this playing? He's sure as hell never danced with Yixing like this.
Minseok leans in again and Lu Han's heartbeat quickens as Minseok's lips brush the shell of his ear. "We have an audience," he says.
Lu Han ruins any attempt at subtlety by looking around, but then he understands. There are rather a lot of people looking at them, and a few seem scandalized, but mostly they seem to like what they see. Oh, so this is more fanservice, Lu Han thinks, refusing to acknowledge why he feels disappointed. It's working, after all, if what they want is attention and maybe hot women to take home tonight. Is that what Minseok's into?
He's waiting for Minseok to ditch him to dance with one of those hot women, but it doesn't happen. They just keep dancing and Lu Han must have had too many shots because his head is spinning. He doesn't know if he moved closer or Minseok did but they're touching now, hips fitted together as they sway in unison. It's not that kind of club and it's probably still fanservice, but Lu Han doesn't care anymore because Minseok fits so well against him.
It's like they're in their own world and time is suspended until suddenly, so softly that Lu Han thinks he might have imagined it, Minseok moans. Lu Han pulls away in shock once he registers what he heard, or tries to, but Minseok's arms around his neck won't let him move far. Still, he gets far enough away to let him see Minseok's flushed cheeks, his heaving chest and his parted lips. It could just be from dancing, but Minseok is staring at him and Lu Han realizes with a thrill that's equal parts desire, denial and terror that Minseok wants him.
Before Lu Han's alcohol-muddled brain can process that and move onto the question (which isn't really a question if he's honest) of whether he wants Minseok back, Minseok leans in and whispers huskily, "Dressing room." Then he pulls away and walks off the dance floor, leaving Lu Han cold and confused. That only lasts a moment until he realizes what Minseok means, and then his heart starts to pound.
Minseok just propositioned him. Kim fucking Minseok got turned on dancing with him and asked him backstage to do something about it. Lu Han doesn't know if this is a dream or a nightmare, but he knows it can't be real. Minseok can't want him, and Lu Han damn well can't want him back. He'd like to think that, anyway, but he's too drunk to hold onto his usual denial, and before he even realizes what he's doing, he's moving toward the door that leads to the dressing room.
He's half convinced that Minseok won't be there, or that all the guys will be there with him, ready to have a good laugh at his expense, but Lu Han finds only Minseok, who jumps at the sound of the door opening like he's nervous. If he is, it doesn't show in the way he strides across the room to slam Lu Han into the door and kiss him hard. Lu Han freezes for a second, still unable to believe that this is real, but then he kisses back for all he's worth.
They pull almost frantically at each other's clothes as they kiss, Lu Han's fingers getting caught in the fashionable rips in Minseok's shirt before he manages to tug it over his head. Minseok's muscles feel amazing under Lu Han's hands, his skin hot and slick with sweat, and he has to bend down to taste it, biting down on Minseok's collarbone when Minseok's hand presses against the front of his pants.
"Fuck," Minseok grinds out, and Lu Han kisses him again, messy and hungry and perfect.
They're both wearing too-tight pants, but Minseok manages to get Lu Han's open, yanking them down to his thighs before they get stuck. "Take them off," he demands, halfway between an order and a whine.
Lu Han hurries to comply, and while he's doing that, Minseok shimmies out of his own pants. A second later, Minseok has Lu Han backed into the arm of the dressing room's ratty, old sofa. They're both hard and Lu Han moans when Minseok presses between his legs, biting lightly at Lu Han's throat and then dipping down to drag his tongue over one of Lu Han's nipples.
"Hold this," Minseok murmurs, pressing something into Lu Han's hand.
Lu Han takes it automatically, not registering until a few seconds later that it's a condom. He's not so far gone that he's not a little shocked by that. "Wait, Minseok, can we-"
"I locked the door." Minseok's lips are on his chest and it's awfully hard to focus on anything else. "Chanyeol and Sehun always stay out for hours after a show, so unless you think Yixing is coming back here soon..."
It's crazy. Lu Han's hooked up after a show a couple of times, but never somewhere so public, and never with someone who played the show with him. He should at least drag Minseok home with him, but he wants this so badly now that they've started and he's afraid that Minseok might change his mind by the time they get somewhere more private. With Minseok right here, he can't say no.
Minseok gives him a few seconds to object and then he sinks down to his knees. Lu Han's eyes go wide because he's pretty sure he had a dream like this that he tried to forget, but Minseok's mouth doesn't go quite where he'd like it, instead biting Lu Han's thigh while he does something with his hands that Lu Han can't see but can guess at. Sure enough, soon after, he feels one of Minseok's fingers, cool and wet, between his legs.
"Okay?" Minseok's voice is rough and just the sound of it turns Lu Han on, makes him want Minseok that much more.
"Yeah." The word is barely out of his mouth before Minseok's finger presses into him, making Lu Han moan. Minseok stretches him quickly, enough so that it might hurt if he wasn't drunk, but as it is, it just feels good, especially when Minseok's other hand circles his cock and strokes it slowly. Lu Han covers his mouth with his fist, not knowing who's outside the door to hear them, but he can't make himself hold back.
When Lu Han's ready, Minseok gets to his feet and turns him around to lean over the arm of the couch. Lu Han might be insulted at being manhandled, and also at how Minseok just assumed he'd be willing to bottom, but he'd very effectively distracted by Minseok thrusting into him, sending a wave of mixed pain and pleasure through him. Then Minseok starts to move and any objections Lu Han might have had fly out of his head because fuck, Minseok can really move.
Minseok's thrusts are hard and fast and steady and all Lu Han can do is flop onto the smelly couch and moan, on and on and on. It's so good, and then Minseok touches him and it's even better, his whole body buzzing with it. He doesn't want it to stop, but he's getting close, so close. "Harder," he groans, barely aware of what he's saying. "Harder, harder, more, please."
He doesn't know if Minseok can understand him (is he even speaking Korean?) but he does thrust harder, his hand moving faster, and soon Lu Han is gone, stars exploding at the edges of his vision as his body sings with pleasure. Minseok bends down and bites Lu Han's shoulder as he comes himself, his last few thrusts making Lu Han tremble and cry out as his orgasm is dragged out just a little longer.
Minseok stays slumped against his back as they both come down, and Lu Han thinks, Fuck, what just happened? but he doesn't care enough to move. He's still drunk and he just had a very nice orgasm after a very nice performance and he's just going to let himself feel good for now.
"We should..." Minseok mumbles after a while, still sounding dazed. He doesn't finish his sentence, but he pulls away, leaving Lu Han feeling cold and empty. It takes him a little longer to move, and by the time he stands up, Minseok already has his pants on (not the tight ones he performed in, but the more comfortable ones he wore to the club).
Lu Han feels like he should say something, but Minseok isn't looking at him and he doesn't know the right thing to say anyway (as if he ever does). Instead, he picks up his discarded clothes and gets dressed slowly. Minseok waits until he's done, but then he says, "Let's go back out," and doesn't wait for Lu Han to answer before walking out the door.
Part 1 / Part 2