Not Angels (PG-13)
Title: Not Angels
Author: Dee Laundry
Rating: PG-13 for language
Summary: Silly little thing from a meme: “Name something you think I will never, ever, ever write.”
Prompt: The Super Six wake up and find that they've all grown wings. Big, fluffy angel wings. (vitawash24)
“Get the hell over here!” House screamed down the line.
Chase pulled the phone away from his ear a bit, but resisted smashing it against the wall. “I’m a little busy right now, freaking out because of the GIANT WINGS attached to my back.” When he twisted his neck to work out a kink, the wings shook and a few tan feathers fell to the floor. He wondered what color Foreman’s wings were. Cameron’s, he was halfway convinced, would be either pink with sparklies or coal black.
“-right goddamned now!” House was screaming, as he had been for the past five minutes.
“What the hell is your problem?” Chase yelled right back.
House snorted and shut up for one blessed second. “Interesting that you grew a backbone along with the wings.”
Unamused, Chase replied, “When you think about it, the weight of the wings, assuming we’ve all got approximately the same wingspan -”
“Mine is bigger than yours!”
Chase ignored that and continued, “The weight of the wings and need for balance would almost certainly require a stronger spine. We should run some scans and see the impacts. This would make a great journal article.”
“Mmm hmm,” said House. “A scholarly piece, lots of data and footnotes, New England Journal of Medicine or Spine. The issue can sit on the newsstand right next to our pictures in The FUCKING ENQUIRER BECAUSE WE HAVE WINGS GROWING OUT OF OUR BACKS! OW! Ow, ow, ow! Chase, get the hell over here!”
Sulking, Chase refused to even ask House what had hurt him. “Why can’t you get Wilson to come over? I thought House-wrangling was his passion.”
Chase was astonished to hear House laugh. And laugh. And laugh. The laughter got louder, and then slightly quieter, and then Chase heard a thump that seemed to be the phone hitting the floor.
Faint and removed, Chase heard, “Ow, ow, god-fucking-dammit, watch my leg!”
After a fumble and another clunk, Wilson’s voice came over the line. “Chase, I am here. We need you to come over, please, and help us out.”
“What’s the problem?” Chase asked, perplexed.
“See,” Wilson sighed, “last night, we were - I’m not saying that, House. No, I’m not saying that either. Christ, House get off my back! YES, I MEAN THAT FIGURATIVELY; IF IT COULD HAPPEN LITERALLY, WE WOULDN’T NEED CHASE, WOULD WE?”
Suddenly the world flipped and Chase for the first time saw just how funny the whole thing was. Waking up this morning, he’d gotten his wings tangled a bit in the sheets; it was obvious that Wilson and House had gotten their wings tangled in each other’s.
“Wilson, I’ll be there as soon as I figure out how to fit my wings in my car.”
“Thanks. We really appreciate it. YES, YOU DO, HOUSE! Ow! Stop being a baby, and - ow! See if I make you breakfast now, you bastard!”
Chase chuckled as he hung up his phone.
NOTE: Someone asked about wing color and size.
Wing color:
Chase: tan, as said above
House: brown with streaky grey, and tattered at the edges
Wilson: white at the edges and dark grey in the middle, such that when he closes them, all you see is white; looks almost like a feathery labcoat
Foreman: rainbow-colored like a scarlet macaw and boy, is he unhappy about it
Cameron: coal black, with a wide, light gray stripe near the tip of each wing and white at the very tip; her feathers are very down-like and fluffy, whereas the others’ are more sleek
Cuddy: very large wings that are scary looking - the feathers (white) don’t fully cover the bones
Wingspan size, in order from largest to smallest: Cuddy - Wilson - Chase & Foreman (same size) - Cameron - House (yes, he is annoyed/sensitive at having the smallest wings)
Author: Dee Laundry
Rating: PG-13 for language
Summary: Silly little thing from a meme: “Name something you think I will never, ever, ever write.”
Prompt: The Super Six wake up and find that they've all grown wings. Big, fluffy angel wings. (vitawash24)
“Get the hell over here!” House screamed down the line.
Chase pulled the phone away from his ear a bit, but resisted smashing it against the wall. “I’m a little busy right now, freaking out because of the GIANT WINGS attached to my back.” When he twisted his neck to work out a kink, the wings shook and a few tan feathers fell to the floor. He wondered what color Foreman’s wings were. Cameron’s, he was halfway convinced, would be either pink with sparklies or coal black.
“-right goddamned now!” House was screaming, as he had been for the past five minutes.
“What the hell is your problem?” Chase yelled right back.
House snorted and shut up for one blessed second. “Interesting that you grew a backbone along with the wings.”
Unamused, Chase replied, “When you think about it, the weight of the wings, assuming we’ve all got approximately the same wingspan -”
“Mine is bigger than yours!”
Chase ignored that and continued, “The weight of the wings and need for balance would almost certainly require a stronger spine. We should run some scans and see the impacts. This would make a great journal article.”
“Mmm hmm,” said House. “A scholarly piece, lots of data and footnotes, New England Journal of Medicine or Spine. The issue can sit on the newsstand right next to our pictures in The FUCKING ENQUIRER BECAUSE WE HAVE WINGS GROWING OUT OF OUR BACKS! OW! Ow, ow, ow! Chase, get the hell over here!”
Sulking, Chase refused to even ask House what had hurt him. “Why can’t you get Wilson to come over? I thought House-wrangling was his passion.”
Chase was astonished to hear House laugh. And laugh. And laugh. The laughter got louder, and then slightly quieter, and then Chase heard a thump that seemed to be the phone hitting the floor.
Faint and removed, Chase heard, “Ow, ow, god-fucking-dammit, watch my leg!”
After a fumble and another clunk, Wilson’s voice came over the line. “Chase, I am here. We need you to come over, please, and help us out.”
“What’s the problem?” Chase asked, perplexed.
“See,” Wilson sighed, “last night, we were - I’m not saying that, House. No, I’m not saying that either. Christ, House get off my back! YES, I MEAN THAT FIGURATIVELY; IF IT COULD HAPPEN LITERALLY, WE WOULDN’T NEED CHASE, WOULD WE?”
Suddenly the world flipped and Chase for the first time saw just how funny the whole thing was. Waking up this morning, he’d gotten his wings tangled a bit in the sheets; it was obvious that Wilson and House had gotten their wings tangled in each other’s.
“Wilson, I’ll be there as soon as I figure out how to fit my wings in my car.”
“Thanks. We really appreciate it. YES, YOU DO, HOUSE! Ow! Stop being a baby, and - ow! See if I make you breakfast now, you bastard!”
Chase chuckled as he hung up his phone.
NOTE: Someone asked about wing color and size.
Wing color:
Chase: tan, as said above
House: brown with streaky grey, and tattered at the edges
Wilson: white at the edges and dark grey in the middle, such that when he closes them, all you see is white; looks almost like a feathery labcoat
Foreman: rainbow-colored like a scarlet macaw and boy, is he unhappy about it
Cameron: coal black, with a wide, light gray stripe near the tip of each wing and white at the very tip; her feathers are very down-like and fluffy, whereas the others’ are more sleek
Cuddy: very large wings that are scary looking - the feathers (white) don’t fully cover the bones
Wingspan size, in order from largest to smallest: Cuddy - Wilson - Chase & Foreman (same size) - Cameron - House (yes, he is annoyed/sensitive at having the smallest wings)