Advice (PG-13)
Title: Advice
Author: Dee Laundry
Rating: PG-13
Words: 408
Notes: Wilson and Cuddy talk. Dialogue-only. Humor. Set a few months after the S6 Season Finale. BIG SPOILERS for S6 Season Finale and speculation for S7.
Carr-Wilson residence.
How did you stand this for so long?
Cuddy?
You lived with him for months. It's been one week, and I'm ready to kill him.
Well -
He wakes up more times a night than a newborn.
Uh -
He plays his guitar at five in the morning.
Yeah.
He won't let go of the remote, and the only thing he'll allow on is The Discovery Channel.
Yeah.
I don't think he's really allergic to sodium alkyl sulfate.
Chemical in dishwashing liquid? No, he isn't.
He found my menorah and set it on fire.
With candles there's always a possibility of accidental -
He used kerosene.
You still got off easy.
What?
He soldered a dildo into mine.
Seriously? It fit? How big are your candles?
It was a slim one, for, um, you know. It was supposed to be a statement about emotional societal masturbation and hypocrisy, or something; I don't know.
Yesterday I asked him to watch Rachel for five minutes while I took a shower. I came back into the room, and he was wearing my thong.
He didn't crossdress when he lived here.
On his face. He told Rachel it was a Cootie Mask so he wouldn't get her Baby Cooties.
Heh.
It's not funny!
Yes, it is.
Gah, I'm going to kill you along with him.
How did I get in the line of fire for slaying? I'm not the one ruining your sleep patterns.
How did you stand this for so long?
He's... House.
That explains so much.
He's funny; he's brilliant; he's incredibly loyal.
He's a pain in the ass.
That, too. Can't get one without the other. I thought you knew that.
I did.
So what's the problem?
How did you deal with this?
Valium.
You took Valium?
No, I put it in House's morning coffee.
Seriously?
No. Listen, House is going to do what he's going to do. You can't control him; the only thing you can control is you.
Just let him walk all over me.
Is he walking over you deliberately? Or is he trying to go around and accidentally tripping? He's not as steady on his feet as he pretends to be.
Is that supposed to be a metaphor?
Yes. Ask me again how I put up with living with House for so long.
How did you put up with living with House for so long?
It was so much better than the alternative.
Author: Dee Laundry
Rating: PG-13
Words: 408
Notes: Wilson and Cuddy talk. Dialogue-only. Humor. Set a few months after the S6 Season Finale. BIG SPOILERS for S6 Season Finale and speculation for S7.
Carr-Wilson residence.
How did you stand this for so long?
Cuddy?
You lived with him for months. It's been one week, and I'm ready to kill him.
Well -
He wakes up more times a night than a newborn.
Uh -
He plays his guitar at five in the morning.
Yeah.
He won't let go of the remote, and the only thing he'll allow on is The Discovery Channel.
Yeah.
I don't think he's really allergic to sodium alkyl sulfate.
Chemical in dishwashing liquid? No, he isn't.
He found my menorah and set it on fire.
With candles there's always a possibility of accidental -
He used kerosene.
You still got off easy.
What?
He soldered a dildo into mine.
Seriously? It fit? How big are your candles?
It was a slim one, for, um, you know. It was supposed to be a statement about emotional societal masturbation and hypocrisy, or something; I don't know.
Yesterday I asked him to watch Rachel for five minutes while I took a shower. I came back into the room, and he was wearing my thong.
He didn't crossdress when he lived here.
On his face. He told Rachel it was a Cootie Mask so he wouldn't get her Baby Cooties.
Heh.
It's not funny!
Yes, it is.
Gah, I'm going to kill you along with him.
How did I get in the line of fire for slaying? I'm not the one ruining your sleep patterns.
How did you stand this for so long?
He's... House.
That explains so much.
He's funny; he's brilliant; he's incredibly loyal.
He's a pain in the ass.
That, too. Can't get one without the other. I thought you knew that.
I did.
So what's the problem?
How did you deal with this?
Valium.
You took Valium?
No, I put it in House's morning coffee.
Seriously?
No. Listen, House is going to do what he's going to do. You can't control him; the only thing you can control is you.
Just let him walk all over me.
Is he walking over you deliberately? Or is he trying to go around and accidentally tripping? He's not as steady on his feet as he pretends to be.
Is that supposed to be a metaphor?
Yes. Ask me again how I put up with living with House for so long.
How did you put up with living with House for so long?
It was so much better than the alternative.