In Which Wilson Is, by Some Definitions, a Troglodyte (PG-13)
I wroted this for Jane, but you can see it too. Guess which three words are on the 100 Words Every Word Lover Should Know list. Guess whether I had to look up the meanings, or already knew them.
Guess what restaurant House and Wilson are in. That's right... Olive Garden! (Inside joke, sorry.)
Also, dialogue-only with four people is, um, onerous, so I labelled. Call me a cheater.
Title: In Which Wilson Is, by Some Definitions, a Troglodyte
Rating: PG-13 for use of the word "penis"
Words: 336
Summary/Notes: See title. Dialogue-only Set in early to mid Season Six, aka, a future fic but no spoilers for any episode past Season Three.
Wilson: Cameron! Chase! Didn't expect to see you here.
Chase: Um, well, yes...
Wilson: Yes?
Cameron: House said if we came by tonight we'd get to see who this mystery woman is you've been dating.
Wilson: Mystery woman, hm?
House: I didn't say "woman."
Cameron: So, is she here?
Wilson: Is "she" here, House?
House: I didn't say "she"... and I didn't think they'd be this dense. Hey, guys, did you know Wilson's learning to play the flute?
Chase: The flute?
House: Actually, it's more of a didgeridoo.
Wilson: I'd say piccolo.
House: You're mean.
Wilson: You're obscure.
House: You're a troglodyte.
Wilson: If me Tarzan, that means you Jane.
House: Tarzan wasn't a troglodyte. He lived in a tree, not a cave.
Wilson: "Cave dweller" is only the literal translation of the word. The metaphorical definition as anyone who is primitive and brutish is well-established by --
Chase: Wait a minute. By flute, you mean, "skin flute"?
House: A-yuh.
Chase: I did not need to know that.
Cameron: What are you three talking about? Flutes, instruments...
Chase: "Skin flute"? You've never heard of "playing the skin flute"?
Cameron: No, I have never heard that term. Is it like the jaw harp?
Wilson: That's "Jews' harp."
House: You'd know.
Wilson: Yes, I would, and so would you.
Cameron: Some people call it a jaw harp.
Chase: Now, I have no idea what that is, but I do know skin flute.
Cameron: What's a skin flute?
Chase: Weren't you married before? Haven't we had fights about you being married before?
Cameron: The fights haven't been about me being married before, they've been about --
House: PENIS.
Cameron: Excuse me?
Wilson: That's what "skin flute" means.
Chase: And playing the skin flute is --
Cameron: Oh God. And Wilson is... Ew.
House: Ew? You've never played the Australian piccolo? Chase, you are not a lucky man.
Cameron: I've done it, but... Ew.
Wilson: I've started to find this conversation very insulting.
House: You're the troglodyte who started the whole "piccolo" thing.
Wilson: I was being facetious. Can we compromise on "clarinet"?
House: Why clarinet?
Wilson: Everyone knows when blowing on the clarinet the most important thing is to be careful where you put your teeth.
House: Ooh, yes.
Chase: God, yes.
Cameron: I'm going home.
Guess what restaurant House and Wilson are in. That's right... Olive Garden! (Inside joke, sorry.)
Also, dialogue-only with four people is, um, onerous, so I labelled. Call me a cheater.
Title: In Which Wilson Is, by Some Definitions, a Troglodyte
Rating: PG-13 for use of the word "penis"
Words: 336
Summary/Notes: See title. Dialogue-only Set in early to mid Season Six, aka, a future fic but no spoilers for any episode past Season Three.
Wilson: Cameron! Chase! Didn't expect to see you here.
Chase: Um, well, yes...
Wilson: Yes?
Cameron: House said if we came by tonight we'd get to see who this mystery woman is you've been dating.
Wilson: Mystery woman, hm?
House: I didn't say "woman."
Cameron: So, is she here?
Wilson: Is "she" here, House?
House: I didn't say "she"... and I didn't think they'd be this dense. Hey, guys, did you know Wilson's learning to play the flute?
Chase: The flute?
House: Actually, it's more of a didgeridoo.
Wilson: I'd say piccolo.
House: You're mean.
Wilson: You're obscure.
House: You're a troglodyte.
Wilson: If me Tarzan, that means you Jane.
House: Tarzan wasn't a troglodyte. He lived in a tree, not a cave.
Wilson: "Cave dweller" is only the literal translation of the word. The metaphorical definition as anyone who is primitive and brutish is well-established by --
Chase: Wait a minute. By flute, you mean, "skin flute"?
House: A-yuh.
Chase: I did not need to know that.
Cameron: What are you three talking about? Flutes, instruments...
Chase: "Skin flute"? You've never heard of "playing the skin flute"?
Cameron: No, I have never heard that term. Is it like the jaw harp?
Wilson: That's "Jews' harp."
House: You'd know.
Wilson: Yes, I would, and so would you.
Cameron: Some people call it a jaw harp.
Chase: Now, I have no idea what that is, but I do know skin flute.
Cameron: What's a skin flute?
Chase: Weren't you married before? Haven't we had fights about you being married before?
Cameron: The fights haven't been about me being married before, they've been about --
House: PENIS.
Cameron: Excuse me?
Wilson: That's what "skin flute" means.
Chase: And playing the skin flute is --
Cameron: Oh God. And Wilson is... Ew.
House: Ew? You've never played the Australian piccolo? Chase, you are not a lucky man.
Cameron: I've done it, but... Ew.
Wilson: I've started to find this conversation very insulting.
House: You're the troglodyte who started the whole "piccolo" thing.
Wilson: I was being facetious. Can we compromise on "clarinet"?
House: Why clarinet?
Wilson: Everyone knows when blowing on the clarinet the most important thing is to be careful where you put your teeth.
House: Ooh, yes.
Chase: God, yes.
Cameron: I'm going home.