[011.] Trust and Insecurity
Title: Trust and Insecurity
Fandom: Kingdom Hearts
Claim: Cloud/Riku
Theme: [011.] End
Rating: M/R
Word Count: 2,417
Summary: All good beginnings come from an end.
Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts and the characters within do not belong to me; I just borrow them. I promise to return them in good condition when finished. It’ll almost be like I never took them at all.
Author’s Note: I just started working again so it’s going to be a little longer between updates as I can’t spend all my free time working on this story (if only because I have a significant other than gets jealous when I spend more time with Riku and Cloud). I will work on this as much as possible. Promise. Especially as I just discovered the prompts are going to fit in so well with what I want to write straight through to the end of Chain of Memories, which should take me to about prompt 26. As I’m on 11 right now, that means inspiration for me, which means I know where I’m going, which makes me excited to get through it as fast as possible for you.
“I saw Sora.”
Riku blinked and sunk into Captain Hook’s chair. He sent an uneasy glance toward where Kairi lay, still motionless, still lifeless, and nowhere closer to having her heart. Riku was going off today to capture one more princess of heart-Belle at Beast’s Castle. His departure, however, was delayed first by Captain Hook and his quest to capture Wendy, and now Cloud’s name on Caller ID. This wasn’t what he expected when he answered, though.
“I figured,” said Riku. “I mean, you said Sora was participating in the games, right?”
“Yeah, but there’s more.”
“I got that feeling; otherwise I doubt you’d have made it the first thing you said to me.”
“Well . . . okay, it was really innocent. I mean, it wasn’t even supposed to happen. It’s just when I saw Sora I got so angry at him . . .”
“Cloud, please, before you go any further, just tell me you didn’t-“
“No! God, Riku, I’m not stupid.”
“Good, cause if you’d mentioned my name-“
“No, I didn’t mention your name. I just . . . think this fight between the two of you doesn’t have to go the way it is . . .”
“Of course it doesn’t. He’s making it this way.”
“You’re both making it this way.”
“I tried to be friends with him. It isn’t happening.”
“All I’m trying to say is that I think your fight has become something it shouldn’t have even been, and that you’re misinterpreting each other. So . . . I decided to dig a little.”
“I don’t like the sound of that.”
“I just . . . was really angry for what he’d said about you not having a conscience and all, so I asked if he’d found his friends yet.”
“And?”
“And he said he’d seen you but you were different, and that he thought you were working with the darkness, and he doesn’t like the way you’re acting.”
“I’m different? He’s the one who’s changed.”
“He said he asked you about Kairi and you wouldn’t tell him. Repeatedly. I thought you said he hadn’t asked you about Kairi.”
“He asked about her in Traverse Town, yeah, but I didn’t know anything then.”
“He said he asked in Monstro.”
“The first time he asked was when I was teasing him. He was yelling at Pinocchio about playing games, and I said that I thought he liked games. He asked me if I found Kairi and I told him if he caught me, maybe I’d tell him. It was a joke. I was playing with him. That’s when he started freaking out. When he asked again, I was already pissed off at him for yelling about what I thought I was doing, when I wasn’t doing anything. He didn’t seem to care, so I didn’t tell him.”
“Do you really think that was the best decision?”
“Who cares? I already made it and I can’t change it now.”
“You could apologize.”
Riku snorted.
“Yeah, right. ‘Sorry I think you don’t care about Kairi as much as you say you do, but you’ve got to admit, Sora, you sure haven’t displayed the kind of behavior that backs up your words.’”
“He’s hurting, Riku. He looked somewhat disturbed when I brought you and Kairi up.”
“I bet he does. He thinks I’ve lost my conscience and I’m an evil demon.”
“He just thinks there’s other ways than darkness. I tried to explain that sometimes people do things they wouldn’t ordinarily do for good intentions. That maybe darkness was the only option you had at the moment. . .”
“Oh, Cloud, you didn’t. You don’t think that constitutes as mentioning my name?”
“I did. I just want you two to be friends again.”
“Fuck being friends with him. I already told you. I’m done. This is the end. I can’t take anymore of his looking down at me because I’m not the great bearer of light like he is. So I’ve got darkness in me. Not everyone can be the great Keyblade master.”
“Light has nothing to do with being a Keyblade master. It has to do with strength of heart.”
“Well maybe my heart’s weaker than his, then, but that makes me normal, and just maybe that’s what keeps me from looking down at people. If I were the Keyblade master, I sure wouldn’t look down on people just because they were a little lost in the darkness. I’d try and help them.”
“I’m sorry, okay? I just thought that if maybe Sora could see what things are like for you right now, he wouldn’t be so harsh.”
“He doesn’t want to know, Cloud. I bet he didn’t want to hear it from you, either, just like he doesn’t want to hear it from me.”
“He was hesitant to actually consider anything I was saying . . .”
“See?”
“There’s one more thing.”
“What?”
“Leon was there when I was talking to Sora and he kind of put two and two together?”
Riku was sure his heart had simultaneously stopped in his chest and jumped to his throat. He felt like vomiting.
“What?”
“He knows, Riku. That I’m seeing you.”
“I guess Sora knows now, too.”
“No. Leon . . . I told you, he’s cool. He promised not to tell Sora, he just . . . wants to know more. About you. Me. Us. Thinks he deserves an explanation if he’s blindly swearing to keep this all to himself. Well, he’d probably talk to me about it, but considering I’m part of it, it’s still like keeping it to himself.”
“Sora doesn’t know?”
“Nope. And he’s not going to.”
“We’ll see.”
“I promise you, Riku. He won’t say a thing.”
“He’d better not.”
It was like the world was crumbling down and every sense of security he’d had was coming to an end. Cloud had spilled. If he couldn’t trust Cloud to keep his mouth shut around Sora, who could he trust? Riku knew Cloud only had the best intentions, but it was starting to get frustrating. How many times and ways did Riku have to tell Cloud that Sora just didn’t care about him anymore?
Now someone else knew-someone close to Sora-and Riku really wanted to believe that Leon wouldn’t say anything . . .
“You’re mad, aren’t you?” said Cloud. Riku rubbed a weary hand across his cheek and sighed.
“Not at you. Not really. I just . . . I know you meant well. I just . . . don’t want Sora to throw that at me next. I don’t want the next cutting thing he says to be about my sexuality. I mean . . . that’s something about me, not just something about where my mistakes got me. I guess it’d be something like him yelling at me for letting the Heartless into Destiny Islands, but worse, because that’s at least something I did that I could have chosen not to. This is something that I just . . . am.”
“It’ll be okay. I promise. Leon wants to talk to you.”
“What?”
“He’s here. Right now. He wants to talk to you.”
“Why does he want to talk to me?”
“I don’t know. Maybe to reassure you.”
Riku sighed. This was awkward and not at all how he first wanted to first talk to Cloud’s best friend, but Cloud sounded so hopeful . . .
Riku just didn’t know how to say no to him.
“Sure.”
“Thank you. Okay. Hold on.”
Riku listened as the phone clanked, passing hands from one to the other.
“Riku?”
Leon’s voice was so different from Cloud’s. It was deeper, smoother, older-one of Riku’s favorite things about Cloud’s voice was the boyish quality to it, but there was none of that in Leon’s voice. He had a distant, reserved hint to the edges of his timbre-a hint that suggested he, as Cloud had said, didn’t speak much, nor was he one to spill secrets. Against his better judgment, Riku trusted that voice straight away.
“Leon, right?” said Riku.
“Yeah. Uh . . . listen, I know this is kind of awkward, but Cloud here’s looking a little worried. I just wanted to tell you myself that I’m not going to say anything to Sora. If you don’t want him to find out from anyone but you, that’s your business.”
“Thanks.”
“Can I ask you a question, because Cloud won’t tell me anything for fear of losing your trust?”
Riku smiled. Cloud was a good boyfriend like that.
“Can’t guarantee I’ll answer you, but go ahead.”
Leon snickered.
“All right. What’s the deal with you and Sora, anyway?”
Riku sighed. ‘I hate his guts,’ didn’t seem appropriate.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you used to be friends, right?”
“Yeah. We’ve been best friends for as long as I can remember, even before Kairi moved to Destiny Islands.”
“So what happened?”
“I don’t know. When Destiny Islands was taken over, I ended up in Hollow Bastion. Met Maleficent. Started working for her, cause she said she’d help me find Sora and Kairi. When I found Sora, he was so full of himself-I guess it wasn’t what I envisioned our reunion to be. Just kept talking about himself and the Keyblade. Didn’t bother to ask me about my life. So I didn’t want him to hear it from anyone else. Now he apparently thinks I have no conscience. Cloud can tell you the rest.”
“I’ll be sure to let Cloud know that.”
Riku heard something in the background that sounded like Cloud say, “Let me know what?” Riku snickered.
“I don’t know,” said Riku. “This thing between Cloud and me-whatever it is-it’s one of those things you don’t tell your enemies, and right now, I guess that’s kind of what Sora and I are. It sucks, but . . .”
“It’s how it is. I understand.”
“Yeah.”
“So is this just the end for you?”
“I don’t know.”
“All right. Listen, I’ll let you talk to Cloud, but I’m going to stare him down for information, just to give you a fair warning.”
“Thanks for that.”
“No problem. This will just stay between the three of us, then. Like I said, it’s your business to tell, not mine.”
“Thanks.”
“Sure. Here’s Cloud.”
Riku waited, and then Cloud’s voice came back over the line. Riku couldn’t help but smile.
“What can he let me know?”
“Nothing. Just that you can tell him anything he wants to know.”
“So we’re okay? You aren’t going to kill me?”
“Nah. I trust him.”
“Well that went better than expected.”
“What can I say? I can’t stay mad at you.”
“I love you, Riku.”
Riku’s breath caught in his throat. Cloud couldn’t have meant it that way. Not the romantic, in love sort of way. He must have meant it in that teasing sort of way. That’s sure what it had sounded like.
“I mean it. I love you.”
There went that theory.
“Riku?”
Shit.
“You still there?”
“You scared him away,” said Leon in the background. Riku smiled.
“Shut up. Riku?”
“I’m here.”
“Thought we might have gotten disconnected.”
“Or you scared me away saying that you love me.”
“Yeah, there was that, too.”
“I love you, too.”
There was a long silence on the other end of the phone. Riku smirked.
“Cloud? You still there or did we get disconnected?”
“Shut up. Really?”
“Yes, really.”
“I just wasn’t expecting you to say it back.”
“Well, I did, and now I have to go because I have to get one of the princesses of heart today, and I’m already late heading out. If Maleficent figures out anything about us . . .”
“Way ahead of you. Get going then and don’t let me keep you.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too,” said Cloud, a smile in his voice.
Riku pressed end on his phone and looked out the window to the rolling clouds above the sea.
Riku’s head ached; his emotions raged inside. Cloud loved him.
He’d said he was starting over, and it was as if a long chapter in his life just came to an end. He and Sora were no longer friends. His family was long gone. In a way, it was scary, coming into his own without Sora or his family, who he always imagined being there for the rest of his life. Even when he was building that raft, he’d planned on going back home eventually; Riku never truly believed he might never see the Islands again. It was even more real with his sixteenth birthday approaching, looming over him.
Just as his family gone and Sora an enemy ended this chapter, so did the years of struggling with his identity, and the hesitation to believe he’d be accepted for his sexuality, much less find a boyfriend. Not only had he now found a boyfriend (under the strangest circumstances possible), but Cloud loved him. Cloud loved him despite Riku’s connection to the darkness, what Sora thought of him, and things like his age. Cloud loved him despite that he was about to set out to kidnap a princess of heart, and that he continued to work for Maleficent.
He had been ready for a beginning without really thinking about the end. Riku hoped in his heart that maybe one day, he and Sora would be friends again, Kairi would have her heart back, and he could see his family again. This time, though, he didn’t want to go back. He wanted to take Cloud with him, and if that meant ending the last chapter to bring a new one, that was okay.
After all, Cloud loved him.
Right now, Riku was going to focus on what he had to do, and that was capturing Belle. That way, he could open that door and figure out how to get back Kairi’s heart. If Sora had a problem with it, there was nothing he could do about that. Once Kairi got her heart back, he could have her and Cloud. Then they could set about a way to bring back Destiny Islands. Sora could surely see that Riku had a conscience then. Then he could have it all.
The old chapter kind of sucked anyway.
Riku pushed back the chair and opened a dark portal.
All good things come to an end, but that didn’t mean it could make a path for something better.
Refer to the ( Prompt Table) for previous installments.
11/100 Completed.
Fandom: Kingdom Hearts
Claim: Cloud/Riku
Theme: [011.] End
Rating: M/R
Word Count: 2,417
Summary: All good beginnings come from an end.
Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts and the characters within do not belong to me; I just borrow them. I promise to return them in good condition when finished. It’ll almost be like I never took them at all.
Author’s Note: I just started working again so it’s going to be a little longer between updates as I can’t spend all my free time working on this story (if only because I have a significant other than gets jealous when I spend more time with Riku and Cloud). I will work on this as much as possible. Promise. Especially as I just discovered the prompts are going to fit in so well with what I want to write straight through to the end of Chain of Memories, which should take me to about prompt 26. As I’m on 11 right now, that means inspiration for me, which means I know where I’m going, which makes me excited to get through it as fast as possible for you.
“I saw Sora.”
Riku blinked and sunk into Captain Hook’s chair. He sent an uneasy glance toward where Kairi lay, still motionless, still lifeless, and nowhere closer to having her heart. Riku was going off today to capture one more princess of heart-Belle at Beast’s Castle. His departure, however, was delayed first by Captain Hook and his quest to capture Wendy, and now Cloud’s name on Caller ID. This wasn’t what he expected when he answered, though.
“I figured,” said Riku. “I mean, you said Sora was participating in the games, right?”
“Yeah, but there’s more.”
“I got that feeling; otherwise I doubt you’d have made it the first thing you said to me.”
“Well . . . okay, it was really innocent. I mean, it wasn’t even supposed to happen. It’s just when I saw Sora I got so angry at him . . .”
“Cloud, please, before you go any further, just tell me you didn’t-“
“No! God, Riku, I’m not stupid.”
“Good, cause if you’d mentioned my name-“
“No, I didn’t mention your name. I just . . . think this fight between the two of you doesn’t have to go the way it is . . .”
“Of course it doesn’t. He’s making it this way.”
“You’re both making it this way.”
“I tried to be friends with him. It isn’t happening.”
“All I’m trying to say is that I think your fight has become something it shouldn’t have even been, and that you’re misinterpreting each other. So . . . I decided to dig a little.”
“I don’t like the sound of that.”
“I just . . . was really angry for what he’d said about you not having a conscience and all, so I asked if he’d found his friends yet.”
“And?”
“And he said he’d seen you but you were different, and that he thought you were working with the darkness, and he doesn’t like the way you’re acting.”
“I’m different? He’s the one who’s changed.”
“He said he asked you about Kairi and you wouldn’t tell him. Repeatedly. I thought you said he hadn’t asked you about Kairi.”
“He asked about her in Traverse Town, yeah, but I didn’t know anything then.”
“He said he asked in Monstro.”
“The first time he asked was when I was teasing him. He was yelling at Pinocchio about playing games, and I said that I thought he liked games. He asked me if I found Kairi and I told him if he caught me, maybe I’d tell him. It was a joke. I was playing with him. That’s when he started freaking out. When he asked again, I was already pissed off at him for yelling about what I thought I was doing, when I wasn’t doing anything. He didn’t seem to care, so I didn’t tell him.”
“Do you really think that was the best decision?”
“Who cares? I already made it and I can’t change it now.”
“You could apologize.”
Riku snorted.
“Yeah, right. ‘Sorry I think you don’t care about Kairi as much as you say you do, but you’ve got to admit, Sora, you sure haven’t displayed the kind of behavior that backs up your words.’”
“He’s hurting, Riku. He looked somewhat disturbed when I brought you and Kairi up.”
“I bet he does. He thinks I’ve lost my conscience and I’m an evil demon.”
“He just thinks there’s other ways than darkness. I tried to explain that sometimes people do things they wouldn’t ordinarily do for good intentions. That maybe darkness was the only option you had at the moment. . .”
“Oh, Cloud, you didn’t. You don’t think that constitutes as mentioning my name?”
“I did. I just want you two to be friends again.”
“Fuck being friends with him. I already told you. I’m done. This is the end. I can’t take anymore of his looking down at me because I’m not the great bearer of light like he is. So I’ve got darkness in me. Not everyone can be the great Keyblade master.”
“Light has nothing to do with being a Keyblade master. It has to do with strength of heart.”
“Well maybe my heart’s weaker than his, then, but that makes me normal, and just maybe that’s what keeps me from looking down at people. If I were the Keyblade master, I sure wouldn’t look down on people just because they were a little lost in the darkness. I’d try and help them.”
“I’m sorry, okay? I just thought that if maybe Sora could see what things are like for you right now, he wouldn’t be so harsh.”
“He doesn’t want to know, Cloud. I bet he didn’t want to hear it from you, either, just like he doesn’t want to hear it from me.”
“He was hesitant to actually consider anything I was saying . . .”
“See?”
“There’s one more thing.”
“What?”
“Leon was there when I was talking to Sora and he kind of put two and two together?”
Riku was sure his heart had simultaneously stopped in his chest and jumped to his throat. He felt like vomiting.
“What?”
“He knows, Riku. That I’m seeing you.”
“I guess Sora knows now, too.”
“No. Leon . . . I told you, he’s cool. He promised not to tell Sora, he just . . . wants to know more. About you. Me. Us. Thinks he deserves an explanation if he’s blindly swearing to keep this all to himself. Well, he’d probably talk to me about it, but considering I’m part of it, it’s still like keeping it to himself.”
“Sora doesn’t know?”
“Nope. And he’s not going to.”
“We’ll see.”
“I promise you, Riku. He won’t say a thing.”
“He’d better not.”
It was like the world was crumbling down and every sense of security he’d had was coming to an end. Cloud had spilled. If he couldn’t trust Cloud to keep his mouth shut around Sora, who could he trust? Riku knew Cloud only had the best intentions, but it was starting to get frustrating. How many times and ways did Riku have to tell Cloud that Sora just didn’t care about him anymore?
Now someone else knew-someone close to Sora-and Riku really wanted to believe that Leon wouldn’t say anything . . .
“You’re mad, aren’t you?” said Cloud. Riku rubbed a weary hand across his cheek and sighed.
“Not at you. Not really. I just . . . I know you meant well. I just . . . don’t want Sora to throw that at me next. I don’t want the next cutting thing he says to be about my sexuality. I mean . . . that’s something about me, not just something about where my mistakes got me. I guess it’d be something like him yelling at me for letting the Heartless into Destiny Islands, but worse, because that’s at least something I did that I could have chosen not to. This is something that I just . . . am.”
“It’ll be okay. I promise. Leon wants to talk to you.”
“What?”
“He’s here. Right now. He wants to talk to you.”
“Why does he want to talk to me?”
“I don’t know. Maybe to reassure you.”
Riku sighed. This was awkward and not at all how he first wanted to first talk to Cloud’s best friend, but Cloud sounded so hopeful . . .
Riku just didn’t know how to say no to him.
“Sure.”
“Thank you. Okay. Hold on.”
Riku listened as the phone clanked, passing hands from one to the other.
“Riku?”
Leon’s voice was so different from Cloud’s. It was deeper, smoother, older-one of Riku’s favorite things about Cloud’s voice was the boyish quality to it, but there was none of that in Leon’s voice. He had a distant, reserved hint to the edges of his timbre-a hint that suggested he, as Cloud had said, didn’t speak much, nor was he one to spill secrets. Against his better judgment, Riku trusted that voice straight away.
“Leon, right?” said Riku.
“Yeah. Uh . . . listen, I know this is kind of awkward, but Cloud here’s looking a little worried. I just wanted to tell you myself that I’m not going to say anything to Sora. If you don’t want him to find out from anyone but you, that’s your business.”
“Thanks.”
“Can I ask you a question, because Cloud won’t tell me anything for fear of losing your trust?”
Riku smiled. Cloud was a good boyfriend like that.
“Can’t guarantee I’ll answer you, but go ahead.”
Leon snickered.
“All right. What’s the deal with you and Sora, anyway?”
Riku sighed. ‘I hate his guts,’ didn’t seem appropriate.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you used to be friends, right?”
“Yeah. We’ve been best friends for as long as I can remember, even before Kairi moved to Destiny Islands.”
“So what happened?”
“I don’t know. When Destiny Islands was taken over, I ended up in Hollow Bastion. Met Maleficent. Started working for her, cause she said she’d help me find Sora and Kairi. When I found Sora, he was so full of himself-I guess it wasn’t what I envisioned our reunion to be. Just kept talking about himself and the Keyblade. Didn’t bother to ask me about my life. So I didn’t want him to hear it from anyone else. Now he apparently thinks I have no conscience. Cloud can tell you the rest.”
“I’ll be sure to let Cloud know that.”
Riku heard something in the background that sounded like Cloud say, “Let me know what?” Riku snickered.
“I don’t know,” said Riku. “This thing between Cloud and me-whatever it is-it’s one of those things you don’t tell your enemies, and right now, I guess that’s kind of what Sora and I are. It sucks, but . . .”
“It’s how it is. I understand.”
“Yeah.”
“So is this just the end for you?”
“I don’t know.”
“All right. Listen, I’ll let you talk to Cloud, but I’m going to stare him down for information, just to give you a fair warning.”
“Thanks for that.”
“No problem. This will just stay between the three of us, then. Like I said, it’s your business to tell, not mine.”
“Thanks.”
“Sure. Here’s Cloud.”
Riku waited, and then Cloud’s voice came back over the line. Riku couldn’t help but smile.
“What can he let me know?”
“Nothing. Just that you can tell him anything he wants to know.”
“So we’re okay? You aren’t going to kill me?”
“Nah. I trust him.”
“Well that went better than expected.”
“What can I say? I can’t stay mad at you.”
“I love you, Riku.”
Riku’s breath caught in his throat. Cloud couldn’t have meant it that way. Not the romantic, in love sort of way. He must have meant it in that teasing sort of way. That’s sure what it had sounded like.
“I mean it. I love you.”
There went that theory.
“Riku?”
Shit.
“You still there?”
“You scared him away,” said Leon in the background. Riku smiled.
“Shut up. Riku?”
“I’m here.”
“Thought we might have gotten disconnected.”
“Or you scared me away saying that you love me.”
“Yeah, there was that, too.”
“I love you, too.”
There was a long silence on the other end of the phone. Riku smirked.
“Cloud? You still there or did we get disconnected?”
“Shut up. Really?”
“Yes, really.”
“I just wasn’t expecting you to say it back.”
“Well, I did, and now I have to go because I have to get one of the princesses of heart today, and I’m already late heading out. If Maleficent figures out anything about us . . .”
“Way ahead of you. Get going then and don’t let me keep you.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too,” said Cloud, a smile in his voice.
Riku pressed end on his phone and looked out the window to the rolling clouds above the sea.
Riku’s head ached; his emotions raged inside. Cloud loved him.
He’d said he was starting over, and it was as if a long chapter in his life just came to an end. He and Sora were no longer friends. His family was long gone. In a way, it was scary, coming into his own without Sora or his family, who he always imagined being there for the rest of his life. Even when he was building that raft, he’d planned on going back home eventually; Riku never truly believed he might never see the Islands again. It was even more real with his sixteenth birthday approaching, looming over him.
Just as his family gone and Sora an enemy ended this chapter, so did the years of struggling with his identity, and the hesitation to believe he’d be accepted for his sexuality, much less find a boyfriend. Not only had he now found a boyfriend (under the strangest circumstances possible), but Cloud loved him. Cloud loved him despite Riku’s connection to the darkness, what Sora thought of him, and things like his age. Cloud loved him despite that he was about to set out to kidnap a princess of heart, and that he continued to work for Maleficent.
He had been ready for a beginning without really thinking about the end. Riku hoped in his heart that maybe one day, he and Sora would be friends again, Kairi would have her heart back, and he could see his family again. This time, though, he didn’t want to go back. He wanted to take Cloud with him, and if that meant ending the last chapter to bring a new one, that was okay.
After all, Cloud loved him.
Right now, Riku was going to focus on what he had to do, and that was capturing Belle. That way, he could open that door and figure out how to get back Kairi’s heart. If Sora had a problem with it, there was nothing he could do about that. Once Kairi got her heart back, he could have her and Cloud. Then they could set about a way to bring back Destiny Islands. Sora could surely see that Riku had a conscience then. Then he could have it all.
The old chapter kind of sucked anyway.
Riku pushed back the chair and opened a dark portal.
All good things come to an end, but that didn’t mean it could make a path for something better.
Refer to the ( Prompt Table) for previous installments.
11/100 Completed.