[056.] Unacceptable
Title: Unacceptable
Fandom: Kingdom Hearts
Claim: Cloud/Riku
Theme: [056.] Passion/Obsession
Word Count: 5,656
Rating: R
Summary: This was more than Cloud could take.
Disclaimer: Square Enix, Disney, and a bunch of other cool people own Kingdom Hearts. I’m sure that one day I will become affiliated with one of these companies, but as I am still a measly little peasant, I own no rights to the franchise. Let’s face it: I don’t even really own this plot. I just like to pretend things happened in canon that there’s no proof of, because I’m deluded like that.
Author’s Note: I’ve been avoiding writing this chapter. I can admit this. I was worried about how it would turn out, and more than a little afraid that I’d eff it all up. However, I grinned like a moron, completely pleased with myself as the chapter came to a close, so I guess its okay I stayed up all night to write it. Hope you enjoy!
Hours grew long and restless on the Gummi during the flight from Hollow Bastion to Gaea. Riku didn’t call, and Cloud made no attempts to call him. He felt bad in a way, thanking Shiva every moment that passed and his phone didn’t ring. Things were so strained with Riku right now that Cloud just didn’t want to hear that foreign voice. He wanted to forget what had happened, what he’d been forced to witness in the World That Never Was. He was so proud of Riku’s choices, but so disappointed at the outcome. He couldn’t do anything to help him-just stood by, useless, watching the exchange. He couldn’t comfort him. If Riku could change things, he’d make it so Cloud had never known.
Cloud had never handled feeling useless very well. Blame inevitably followed, so he continued to thank Shiva for his silent phone, no matter how guilty it made him feel. He couldn’t do anything to help. The best thing to do right now was to concentrate on his demons. He just needed to stay away and let the relationship-his light and happiness for almost a year-simmer. It was time he, too, defeated his darkness. He needed to find light and happiness within himself.
Gaea. The last time Sephiroth poked out of hiding was when Riku was lost in the realm of darkness. Before that he had Cloud running around Gaea like an idiot, controlling him, forcing him to screw himself over by getting into his head through that Jenova cell connection (not to mention Cloud’s ‘glamorous’ darkness). He’d been such a stupid kid, allowing things to go as far as they did-allowing his mind to be so warped and manipulated.
It was as Cloud thought that Riku was so much stronger than he’d been that he realized the obsessing had begun. The self-loathing was bound to follow. It would only take a day or two, Cloud thought, until the depression really set in. Until he really felt worthless and incompetent. Leon had a tendency to call Riku ‘kid,’ but it was he who always acted the child.
Even now as Cloud thought of how strong Riku was to keep his heart full of light and not allow it to be taken by Ansem (or even the realm of darkness itself), he couldn’t fathom how to follow the example. He was sure to fail. Reno would give him the job, Cloud would resist, and somehow he, Tifa, and Vincent would end up collecting Barrett and running around Gaea again. Cloud might even kill Sephiroth a time or two, but in the end he wouldn’t be gone for good. He might even get mako poisoning again, and then he’d have a great story to tell Riku.
His heart sank. By the time he finished Sephiroth, Riku would probably be twenty-five and setting up house and home with Leon. Leon didn’t fail at everything he did. Leon didn’t let the darkness overtake his heart despite his melancholy. Leon was more deserving of Riku’s strength and devotion. Cloud was a mess. He couldn’t even protect Riku from Roxas or the piece of Ansem in his heart and he’d been right there, watching the whole exchange like some sort of invalid. Riku would figure it out eventually, and it wouldn’t take that long. Just a few phone conversations and Riku would realize how pitiful Cloud was. That he wasn’t nearly as strong as Riku had thought. That those phone conversations full of Riku’s despair and mistakes with Maleficent and Kairi wouldn’t even compare to the abysmal disasters Cloud would wreck upon Gaea.
He’d made so many mistakes last time. He couldn’t even stop Meteor. That had all been one pissed off Lifestream. Sure, maybe he’d killed Sephiroth, but Cloud had killed Sephiroth more times than any person should be murdered. What if Cloud showed up on Gaea and Sephiroth got into his head again? What if he let another friend die because of his weak heart? Zack had suffered a tragic death. He’d been cheated out of life too young. It was Cloud’s fault. Who would it be next? Tifa? Marlene?
As things dreaded often go, Gaea appeared on the radar sooner than Cloud felt prepared for. He head throbbed, fingers shaking as he set the controls to manual to bring the ship into Midgar for a smooth landing. It was only as the planet grew larger that he realized something was very off. Midgar was-if it was at all possible-even filthier than the last time he’d seen it from the air. It seemed a wasteland, deserted. Adjoining the city was a small town. Tall buildings reached to the sky in various stages of completion. Zooming in on the screen, Cloud saw people walking through the town. A monument stood in the center.
“What the . . .?”
Cloud didn’t bother to finish his sentence as he redirected the Gummi ship to the outskirts of this place he was sure hadn’t existed before. Midgar had an excellent Gummi garage, but it was ruins now, so until he could find another one in this new town . . . Cloud just hoped that most people wouldn’t know what a Gummi ship was, or the delinquents that used to live in this area of Gaea were sure to make off with a Gummi part or two. Without Cid here, Cloud was going to have one hell of a time finding new ones, and that was something he just didn’t want to deal with right now.
He felt he ought to have Cid install a flashing neon sign on his Gummi when he returned to Hollow Bastion. It could say “I’m really not the person you want to fuck with today” or something of the sort, because Cloud thought he might seriously eat the first person who made life a little more difficult. Bets were on Reno.
It was when Cloud gathered his bag, took the Buster sword in hand, stepped out of his Gummi, and closed that hatch that he realized he didn’t know where to go from here. He didn’t know where Tifa and Vincent lived. He didn’t even know where to look for Barrett. His initial plan had been to go to the Seventh Heaven in the Sector Seven Slums, but he now realized how stupid that idea had been. It seemed that somewhere between his first trip from Midgar to Traverse Town and now he’d forgotten that Sector Seven had been smashed by a giant metal plate.
He supposed that since it was Reno who’d harassed him through voicemail, Cloud should probably give him a call and demand to be picked up. There were a few problems in that. Cloud didn’t really feel up to seeing Reno after the long flight, nor did he think he could handle even hearing the Turk’s obnoxious voice. If he even heard the word “yo,” there would probably be serious potential for the skull-cracking to begin. That was without mentioning that with Reno came Rude, and with the two of them came Rufus Shinra. Rufus Shinra was probably the last person that wanted to see Cloud with the way he felt right now.
Considering the circumstances, Cloud opted to call Tifa. She, at least, might be able to pinpoint his location. He yanked his bag over his shoulder and wandered toward the town, Buster sword in hand. He pulled his phone out, dialed Tifa, and he pressed the phone to his ear.
“Cloud? This is unexpected.”
“Yeah . . .” said Cloud. He glanced up at the buildings as he entered the residential area. “It’s about to get a little more unexpected. I need you to find me. Or help me find you.”
“Find . . .? Cloud, what are you talking about?”
“I’m in Gaea. I was headed for Midgar, but Midgar’s . . . like . . . practically nonexistent, unless you call an obscenely large pile of scrapheap existence.”
“You’re here? Why?”
“Reno. I’ll explain everything when I see you. I’m just . . . kind of confused.”
“Cloud, where are you?”
“I was hoping you could tell me that. I’m in a town . . . its right outside of Midgar-or what’s left of it, anyway. It’s not Kalm, though, so . . . I’m lost. What happened?”
“Meteor happened. I’ll explain when I see you . . .”
“When did this happen?”
“When Meteor happened. I’ll explain later. Just . . . okay. I think you’re in Edge. Think you can find your way to the monument?”
“That thing in the center of the city? Saw it from the Gummi.”
“Yes. Go there. I’ll meet you.”
“Tifa, what the hell is Edge?”
“Cloud, put the phone down before you hurt yourself. I’m coming for you.”
Cloud sighed.
“Fine.”
“See you soon.”
“Sure. Okay.”
Cloud shut the phone and continued to walk toward the center of the city. He muttered under his breath as he walked, glancing upward and around, trying to take everything in. The place seemed in varying degrees of chaos. Like the Slums, the people of this city (Edge, he presumed) seemed intent on struggling just to get by. They were suffering; that much was apparent. He saw more than one person covered in skin discolorations, oozing dark pus from open sores on his way to the monument. The sight of it made his insides squirm; his body felt restless, his mind uneasy.
“So what’s going on?” said Tifa. She was already standing by the monument as he approached. “Didn’t think I’d catch you hanging around here.”
“I said I’d visit, didn’t I?”
“You said you were here because of Reno. You should have called to let me know you were coming.”
“I didn’t think I had to ask your permission first.”
“At least I could have explained what’s going on here before you showed up. Then you wouldn’t have been lost.”
“You could have explained to me back at Christmas. Or anytime while you were staying in Hollow Bastion. Don’t know why you didn’t.”
“I tried to, Cloud. You just never want to hear anything that has to do with this place.”
“For good reason.”
“That’s why you’re here, isn’t it? Reno said something about a job . . .”
“He said weird stuff has been going on, and he thinks it has something to do with Jenova.”
“Have you called him yet?”
“No.”
“Good. You should probably come back with me. The kids will be happy to see you.”
“I’d kind of like to know what’s going on first.”
“I’ll tell you there. Nothing will be a surprise to them.”
Cloud sighed. Defeated, he followed Tifa through the town’s winding streets and alleys. Another person afflicted with the strange condition passed. Cloud stared for a moment, and then nudged Tifa.
“What is that . . . thing . . . everyone’s got?”
“What thing?” said Tifa.
He stared. Had she not noticed?
“That . . . disease . . .”
“Oh. You mean the stigma.”
“The stigma . . .?”
“Geostigma. As far as we know it’s a side-affect of the body’s immune system trying to purge it of the Jenova cells. Over half the population of Edge’s gotten it by now.”
“Is it fatal?”
“Has been, but there haven’t been too many deaths. Largely causes fatigue, skin discoloration, open soars . . .”
“Dark pus . . .”
“Yeah. It’s nasty business.”
“Do you . . .?”
“No, but Denzel does. Don’t fuss over it. It makes him uncomfortable.” Tifa was silent as Cloud mulled this over, but her voice broke their reverie again. “The planet’s taking its revenge.”
“The planet . . .?”
“Still hasn’t forgiven us for what happened with those mako reactors. It’s been a disaster trying to rebuild. Shinra’s trying to kiss the planet’s ass. You know . . . if it had one. You saw the monument to the Lifestream back there? That’s Shinra’s doing. Reno said they’re conducting an investigation into the stigma, but so far they’ve got nothing. We have no mako, so it’s back to coal for some. Oil is where it’s really at now, though, but it’s been a disaster trying to get that off the ground, too.”
“Things are really a mess around here, aren’t they?”
Tifa laughed.
“Oh, that’s only the start of it all. I’m glad you’re here, though. I’ve got something for you.”
“What? For me?”
“Well technically it’s yours already, but I found it ages ago after you left. Asked Vincent to fix her up. To give a fair warning, he wants repayment for everything I ask him to do for you.”
“I don’t really have any gil . . .”
“He’ll probably just be pleased to accept your assistance with your delivery service. He hates having to run all over the planet for me. I think he’s planning on disconnecting the phone lines while I’m sleeping soon.”
“What delivery service? I don’t have a delivery service.”
“Don’t you remember? Oh, what am I saying? Of course you don’t. Before you left? You said something about starting your own business. That you’d make an excellent delivery boy-just you and Fenrir. Remember?”
“So you started it? I was just kidding.”
“Thought it’d give you something to do while you’re here.” Tifa grinned and shrugged. “But I suppose you’ll have more important things to worry about once you speak to Reno.”
“I don’t know what I’d ride, anyway. It’s not like I have Fenrir anymore.”
“Or I could’ve found her and had Vincent fix her up.”
“Wait. That’s what you have for me? You found Fenrir?”
“Sure did.” Tifa grinned. “You can see her after you’ve settled in.”
“She was my one true love, you know?”
Tifa laughed.
“I know. Riku’s in for some competition.”
At the mention of Riku, Cloud felt his stomach drop. He swallowed and nodded.
“Yeah. So . . . Do you know about this weird stuff Reno was talking about? He says Rufus Shinra wants to talk to me.”
Tifa bit her lip as she stopped in front of a small building. He looked at the sign bearing the words “Tifa’s Seventh Heaven.”
“Listen, Cloud, there’s something I need to tell you before we go in . . .”
“I thought you were going to explain everything once we got here,” said Cloud. “You’re telling me everything before we even get inside.” He forced a smile and pushed on the door. She darted in after him, looked around as if searching for someone, and then relaxed a little. Her shoulders remained tense. “You okay? You look like you need a drink. Lucky you own a bar . . .”
He chuckled a little. Tifa shook her head.
“No, really, Cloud. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but the Heartless around here . . . they’re gone.”
Cloud raised an eyebrow.
“I hadn’t, but now that you mention it . . . Is it just Edge, then?”
“No . . . the Lifestream sort of took care of it on its own.”
“The Lifestream . . . well, I guess after Meteor . . .”
“The planet is really angry, Cloud.”
“Don’t you wish all the worlds would destroy the Heartless on their own? It is the whole planet, isn’t it?”
“It is . . .” Tifa frowned, wringing her hands together. She looked down at them and swallowed. “Listen . . . after the Lifestream destroyed all the Heartless some . . . unusual . . . stuff started to happen.”
“Such as Geostigma?”
“That, and . . . oh, Cloud, I don’t know how to say this . . .”
It could’ve been lucky for Tifa that she didn’t have to, but it probably would have been better if she had. For at the moment Tifa’s sentence broke off, a loud commotion sounded from up the stairs. Marlene’s loud laughter rang through the building, and the sounds of her feet pounding down the stairs interrupted. Her eyes lit up as they landed on Cloud, and then she shrieked again as heavier steps pounded after her. She raced between Cloud and Tifa, ducked under a table, and hissed, “Shhh . . .”
Less than ten seconds later the most foreign familiar head of black, spiked hair came into view. Cloud’s heart jumped to his throat, and Tifa dropped her head into her hand. She exhausted a long, audible sigh.
“I was trying to tell you . . .” she said.
Zack Fair stayed rooted at the bottom of the staircase. His bright, blinding smiled faded for a moment, and then it was back. He leaned again the doorway to the upstairs and grinned.
“Hey, grunt. Long time, no see.”
Cloud’s eyes rolled back into his head and he hit the floor before Tifa got the chance to catch him.
~*~
When Cloud opened his eyes again, he was surrounded by three heads peering cautiously down at him. His back no longer rested against the hard, wood floor of the bar, but on a soft, cushiony mattress. He tried to sit up, groaned, and lay back down again. Marlene broke into a huge grin, and as Cloud brought a hand to his aching forehead and squeezed his eyes closed, she threw her arms around his stomach.
“I’m so glad you’re here, Cloud!” she said. He winced.
“Now, Marlene, back up and give him some room,” said Tifa.
Cloud opened his eyes again. He gave Tifa a soft, wearied smile. His eyes passed over to Marlene. He patted her shoulder with a fatigued arm.
“Hey, Marlene. It’s good to see you, too.”
She grinned.
“Hi, Cloud.”
His eyes tore from Marlene to the third face. His eyes flickered for a moment to the oozing, darkened spot marring Denzel’s forehead, but Tifa’s warning about how the stigma affected the boy pulled his eyes downward. He met Denzel’s gaze and offered him a grin.
“Hey, kid. How’re you doing?”
Denzel brought his hand to his forehead. His fingertips ghosted over the spot, and he released a strained chuckle.
“I’m okay. I missed you.”
“Missed you, too.” Cloud tried to sit up again, this time moving slower and more deliberate. He reached out one arm and wrapped it around Denzel’s shoulders, pulling him into a hug. As his ear came close, Cloud rubbed the boy’s back. “Everything’s going to be okay. I’m here now.”
He felt Denzel nod again his chest; Cloud’s heart pulled tight. He shouldn’t have been gone so long. He was part of this. This Geostigma was because of the Jenova cells. Cloud . . . he had to do something to fix this. He had to. He couldn’t fail, but his doubts returned. Should he really have made a promise like that? As a sick feeling crept into his stomach, Denzel pulled back. Cloud shrugged.
“Sorry about down there. Thing I had a hallucination.”
Tifa huffed.
“Look, Cloud, I know it’s hard to believe, but . . .”
“I got the smelling salts,” a familiar voice cut in, and then there was Zack. All the energy in Cloud seemed to drain again as he dropped back against the pillow. “Ah . . . guess you don’t need them, then.”
“No,” said Tifa. “He’s just having a hard time taking it in.”
“Guess so. I hear I’m supposed to be dead.”
“You are dead,” said Cloud. There was a hint of manic laughter in his voice. “I saw you die. I was there.”
“No, I was dead. Now I’m not. Critical difference, you know. I’m not dead. I was dead.”
“How . . .? That doesn’t just . . .”
“We don’t know,” said Tifa. “After the Heartless disappeared, people who had died just started to . . .”
“The Lifestream started to chuck us out,” said Zack. “Don’t get it myself, but here I am. I gotta say that for someone dead, though, I look better off than you. You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
Zack chuckled to himself for a moment and sat on the mattress by Marlene.
“Denzel, Marlene, why don’t you give Zack and me a few minutes with Cloud?” said Tifa.
The children exchanged glances. Denzel nodded, and then he stood. Marlene followed him from the room.
“Vincent’s out on a delivery,” said Tifa, continuing. “Zack just got back from one, so . . .”
“Why didn’t you tell me this?”
“What was I supposed to say? It was only two weeks ago . . .”
“Month and a half, actually, but it took me forever to find someone I knew,” said Zack. “Tifa says everyone’s gone running back to Hollow Bastion.”
“Wait . . .” said Cloud. He huffed, and tried to sit up again. He braced his body with his arms and slid back to rest against the pillows. “I mean . . . the Lifestream is just chucking out dead people?”
“Something like that,” said Zack. “Not too many, but I happened to be one of them. Could have to do with the Jenova Reunion.”
“The what? Oh, for the love of Shiva . . . Didn’t we take care of that? Is Sephiroth . . .?”
“No one’s seen or heard from Sephiroth,” said Tifa. “But there’s this trio . . . Kadaj and his gang. They’re stirring up a lot of trouble around here. And they keep talking about mother . . .”
“They keep calling me brother,” said Zack. “It’s starting to piss me off.”
“So what?” said Cloud. “You think they have something to do with the Jenova experiment?”
“I think they have something to do with Sephiroth and the Jenova experiment,” said Zack.
“And I’d say it’s safe to assume Rufus Shinra does, too, if he’s looking for you,” said Tifa. “They’d be trying to recruit Zack, here, too, except everyone thinks he’s dead.”
“He is dead.”
“Was dead,” said Zack. “Was. Geez, Spiky. Be careful or you’ll start to hurt my feelings.”
Tifa sighed.
“Maybe I should give you two some time alone.”
“No. Tifa-”
She didn’t listen. Cloud called after her to come back, but she was already out the door, her steps sounding down the stairs. He stared at the door, and then Zack cleared his throat and Cloud turned his face to really look at him. He looked just as Cloud remembered with the casual posture and assertive grin that stretched across his lips. He crossed his arms and looked Cloud over as if appraising him.
“Tifa caught me up to speed with what’s going on with you,” said Zack. “I hear you’ve been doing well for yourself.”
Cloud opened his mouth and shut it again. He nodded.
“I was looking for you, you know?” said Zack. “When I woke up again. I don’t remember much from the Lifestream. I just . . . yeah. I woke up and started looking for you. Tifa saw me wandering around the Sector Six Slums and brought me here. Told me I’d been dead. Dead for years now.”
Zack paused. For the first time in ages, a longing look came into Zack’s eyes and Cloud felt his heart clench. It was such a familiar look full of emotion and heart wrenching pain-a look that Cloud saw in Zack’s eyes too many times as he struggled to make SOLDIER. A look that had been there when the Heartless invaded. It damn near encompassed Zack when Cloud let the darkness in, and here they were all these years later when Zack was supposed to be dead, and . . .
“She said you went back to Hollow Bastion,” said Zack. “Tifa was going to call and let everyone know, but I think she wanted some time for me to get acclimated to what I’d learned first. I hear you and Squall are close.”
Cloud nodded and made a noncommittal sound. He was torn between running from the room and never looking back and throwing himself at Zack without restraint. Zack cleared his throat.
“I . . . eh . . . I hear you’re seeing someone. His name’s . . . Riku, right?”
Riku. Oh sweet Shiva. It was Cloud’s entire world crashing down on his head as the oddity of Riku’s name passing through Zack’s lips registered in his consciousness. The situation became even more uncomfortable because then it registered that Zack hadn’t really remembered being dead, and therefore all those years hadn’t passed, and it was as if . . .
“I didn’t really expect you to wait around for me to drop out of the Lifestream, you know?” said Zack. “I mean I was dead. As soon as Tifa said it’d been so long I figured you moved on by now and found yourself a new boyfriend. I just had kind of hoped . . .”
How was Cloud supposed to explain this one to Riku? Oh, yes, remember my dead boyfriend you’re still wary about? He’s alive again, and we’re going to be living together in Edge while I try to track down Sephiroth during a Jenova Reunion. And that’s not all, because half of Edge has become afflicted with some nasty disease called Geostigma. Remember Denzel from Christmas? He’s dying from it, and I’m sure to let him down, so at least you’re not the only one I’m screwing over, Riku. You just look like Ansem because I couldn’t help. At least I’m not killing you.
Oh, yes. Cloud was sure that was going to go over marvelously.
“Cloud . . .?”
Cloud looked up into Zack’s eyes and swallowed. This was too fucking much. Tifa should have warned him from the start. He couldn’t take this. Here was Zack looking like Cloud had ripped out his heart, but knowing that he shouldn’t feel that way because he’d been dead. He was rambling about being happy that Cloud was able to pick up with his life and move on, but he was so fixated on what was, to him, the sudden end of their relationship. As he rambled, Cloud thought of Riku, who looked like Ansem, sounded like Ansem, and was so very insecure about the state of their relationship right now. This sudden Zack Chucked from the Lifestream Incident was only going to destroy the last bit of self-confidence he had.
For possibly the thousandth time Cloud felt bad for thinking Riku was going to run off with Leon because of his own insecurities. He mentally kicked himself and tried to remember that he couldn’t hog all the self-degrading time. Riku took his fair share, too, and he was especially sensitive to the Zack subject. It had never really been too big of an issue, though, because Zack was dead.
That was kind of the point, wasn’t it? Zack was dead, but now he wasn’t, and Cloud needed to carefully orchestrate this. Riku had to find out about this at the exact right time (it wouldn’t do any good to keep it from him, either), or this could turn into a bigger disaster than it already was very quickly.
Cloud scowled. He got the nasty suspicion Tifa would now expect him to relay the message to Aerith, Yuffie, Cid, and Leon as well. Tifa could be a spineless bitch sometimes.
“Cloud? Hey! Chocobo-head!”
Cloud’s head snapped up. He frowned.
“What did you call me?”
“Nothing. Did you hear what I asked you?”
“No. Sorry. What was that again?”
“I was just wondering if I could get my sword back. Tifa said you had it.”
Cloud stared. What . . .? His sword? The Buster sword? Yeah, it had been Zack’s, but that was before he died. That was years ago. It’d been ages, and Cloud had been fighting with it since. How dare Zack . . .?
“I’m . . .” said Cloud. He gaped. “I’m using it.”
“Can’t you get another sword?”
“Can’t you?”
“Yeah . . .” said Zack. “I mean I guess I could, but it’s mine. It was a gift. I know I died, but . . .”
Cloud raised both eyebrows. Zack shifted under the gaze, and something in his visage changed. Hardened. He was hurt-it was there in his eyes-upset that he’d “died” and someone else had come along and taken his place. And Tifa was sure to have told Zack all the sordid details about Riku and the realm of darkness, his working for Maleficent. Tifa was never as warm toward Riku as his other friends. She’d always liked Zack more than Leon. Zack was sure to hate Riku on principle, but was so angry when Cloud chased after the darkness that he was especially sure to hate Riku for being so young and involved with the darkness.
Without having said anything, Zack had sparked something akin to rage in Cloud. It boiled through his blood down to his fingertips and toes. No one had to say it yet, but when the time came to really have to defend Riku and the fights broke out, Cloud vowed that he would have the final say. Maybe he couldn’t exactly help Riku with Roxas, Ansem, or the darkness, but he could put a stop to anything Zack (or Tifa) might have to say about it.
It didn’t help that Cloud wasn’t exactly feeling sweet toward his long-dead ex-boyfriend at the moment for demanding back the Buster sword. Or that, now that Zack was alive again, their former relationship suddenly seemed less happy than he had remembered it when Zack was dead. That demanding, slightly carefree and yet somewhat superior smirk had always grated on Cloud’s nerves.
And Zack effing knew it.
This had just crossed the border of too much into unacceptable territory. Zack continued to stare at him expectantly.
“If you want to keep it, I’ll understand,” said Zack.
“You know what?” said Cloud. He ignored the weak feeling that still encased his limbs from passing out and hitting the hard floor as he stood and crossed the small bedroom to the corner. His things sat there-bag and sword, propped against the wall. He grabbed the Buster and crossed back, thrusting it at Zack. “I don’t care. Come back from the dead. Try to guilt me for moving on. Whatever. It’s not like I stole your sword. You can fucking have it.”
“What are you getting so pissed off about?”
“This is too much for me right now, okay? You were supposed to be dead.”
Zack’s face contorted.
“What? You preferred it that way?”
“I didn’t say that. It just took me a really long time to get over you, and now I have . . . Excuse me, but this is just a little more overwhelming that I can handle right now. I am in a relationship. I have Riku to worry about. I have me to worry about. Denzel. The stigma. Sephiroth. While you’ve been floating around the Lifestream I’ve been down here trying to fix things and keep my sanity. I’ve been trying to get over you and move on. I have now, and I’m not going to feel bad about that. You were dead.”
“I know I was dead. I didn’t expect you to never move on. It just hurts because it feels like we were still together two months ago. I’m not trying to guilt you. Don’t make me out to be the bad guy.”
“Well I’m sorry it hurts, but I hurt, too. For a really long time. . .”
“I got that, Cloud. Tifa told me that, too. I’m not trying . . . okay, I was going to try and get you back, but I now see that isn’t going to happen.”
“No, it’s not.”
“Cloud . . .” Zack sighed. “I can see you’re really upset right now and this is probably more than you can handle, so why don’t you go take a walk or something? Clear your head. Used to help you all the time. Or is that different, too?”
“I can’t go for a walk unarmed.”
“Take the Buster.”
“Not interested. It’s yours, remember? It was a gift.”
“Cloud, you’re taking this entirely too far. I asked; I didn’t demand.”
“Felt like it.”
“So take it back. I’ll give it to you officially, and then it can be a gift to you.”
“I don’t want it.”
“Don’t be so stubborn. In case you haven’t noticed, this isn’t easy on me, either. I kind of wish I’d have stayed dead.”
“Yeah, well, so do I. At least things would’ve been less complicated that way.”
Zack hung his head. He rubbed at his eyes and nodded.
“Do you want me to leave?”
“No. I’m taking a walk.”
“But you said . . .”
Cloud didn’t stay to hear Zack finish the thought. He left the room, passed down the stairs, and ignored Tifa’s calls as he strode through the door. Halfway down the foreign road, Cloud ducked into an alley and leaned against the cold, stone wall. The pressure built in his head, and he pulled out his phone. He punched away at the contact menu, and as the phone rang, the tension broke.
In Hollow Bastion, Leon rolled his eyes as Cid called something a “pieca shit” and dragged blueprints across the floor of Merlin’s house. He muttered several choice swear words under his breath at the computer system, attempting to tap into the water lines in the hopes of figuring out just which pipe had burst when his cell phone rang. He frowned and pulled it from his pocket, expecting perhaps Riku’s name on the display. When he saw Cloud’s, he ducked from the house and answered.
It took several seconds for Leon to process that Cloud was not being tortured to death, but wailing in tears like he hadn’t since he was six years old.
( Prompt Table) for previous installments. 056/100 Complete.
Fandom: Kingdom Hearts
Claim: Cloud/Riku
Theme: [056.] Passion/Obsession
Word Count: 5,656
Rating: R
Summary: This was more than Cloud could take.
Disclaimer: Square Enix, Disney, and a bunch of other cool people own Kingdom Hearts. I’m sure that one day I will become affiliated with one of these companies, but as I am still a measly little peasant, I own no rights to the franchise. Let’s face it: I don’t even really own this plot. I just like to pretend things happened in canon that there’s no proof of, because I’m deluded like that.
Author’s Note: I’ve been avoiding writing this chapter. I can admit this. I was worried about how it would turn out, and more than a little afraid that I’d eff it all up. However, I grinned like a moron, completely pleased with myself as the chapter came to a close, so I guess its okay I stayed up all night to write it. Hope you enjoy!
Hours grew long and restless on the Gummi during the flight from Hollow Bastion to Gaea. Riku didn’t call, and Cloud made no attempts to call him. He felt bad in a way, thanking Shiva every moment that passed and his phone didn’t ring. Things were so strained with Riku right now that Cloud just didn’t want to hear that foreign voice. He wanted to forget what had happened, what he’d been forced to witness in the World That Never Was. He was so proud of Riku’s choices, but so disappointed at the outcome. He couldn’t do anything to help him-just stood by, useless, watching the exchange. He couldn’t comfort him. If Riku could change things, he’d make it so Cloud had never known.
Cloud had never handled feeling useless very well. Blame inevitably followed, so he continued to thank Shiva for his silent phone, no matter how guilty it made him feel. He couldn’t do anything to help. The best thing to do right now was to concentrate on his demons. He just needed to stay away and let the relationship-his light and happiness for almost a year-simmer. It was time he, too, defeated his darkness. He needed to find light and happiness within himself.
Gaea. The last time Sephiroth poked out of hiding was when Riku was lost in the realm of darkness. Before that he had Cloud running around Gaea like an idiot, controlling him, forcing him to screw himself over by getting into his head through that Jenova cell connection (not to mention Cloud’s ‘glamorous’ darkness). He’d been such a stupid kid, allowing things to go as far as they did-allowing his mind to be so warped and manipulated.
It was as Cloud thought that Riku was so much stronger than he’d been that he realized the obsessing had begun. The self-loathing was bound to follow. It would only take a day or two, Cloud thought, until the depression really set in. Until he really felt worthless and incompetent. Leon had a tendency to call Riku ‘kid,’ but it was he who always acted the child.
Even now as Cloud thought of how strong Riku was to keep his heart full of light and not allow it to be taken by Ansem (or even the realm of darkness itself), he couldn’t fathom how to follow the example. He was sure to fail. Reno would give him the job, Cloud would resist, and somehow he, Tifa, and Vincent would end up collecting Barrett and running around Gaea again. Cloud might even kill Sephiroth a time or two, but in the end he wouldn’t be gone for good. He might even get mako poisoning again, and then he’d have a great story to tell Riku.
His heart sank. By the time he finished Sephiroth, Riku would probably be twenty-five and setting up house and home with Leon. Leon didn’t fail at everything he did. Leon didn’t let the darkness overtake his heart despite his melancholy. Leon was more deserving of Riku’s strength and devotion. Cloud was a mess. He couldn’t even protect Riku from Roxas or the piece of Ansem in his heart and he’d been right there, watching the whole exchange like some sort of invalid. Riku would figure it out eventually, and it wouldn’t take that long. Just a few phone conversations and Riku would realize how pitiful Cloud was. That he wasn’t nearly as strong as Riku had thought. That those phone conversations full of Riku’s despair and mistakes with Maleficent and Kairi wouldn’t even compare to the abysmal disasters Cloud would wreck upon Gaea.
He’d made so many mistakes last time. He couldn’t even stop Meteor. That had all been one pissed off Lifestream. Sure, maybe he’d killed Sephiroth, but Cloud had killed Sephiroth more times than any person should be murdered. What if Cloud showed up on Gaea and Sephiroth got into his head again? What if he let another friend die because of his weak heart? Zack had suffered a tragic death. He’d been cheated out of life too young. It was Cloud’s fault. Who would it be next? Tifa? Marlene?
As things dreaded often go, Gaea appeared on the radar sooner than Cloud felt prepared for. He head throbbed, fingers shaking as he set the controls to manual to bring the ship into Midgar for a smooth landing. It was only as the planet grew larger that he realized something was very off. Midgar was-if it was at all possible-even filthier than the last time he’d seen it from the air. It seemed a wasteland, deserted. Adjoining the city was a small town. Tall buildings reached to the sky in various stages of completion. Zooming in on the screen, Cloud saw people walking through the town. A monument stood in the center.
“What the . . .?”
Cloud didn’t bother to finish his sentence as he redirected the Gummi ship to the outskirts of this place he was sure hadn’t existed before. Midgar had an excellent Gummi garage, but it was ruins now, so until he could find another one in this new town . . . Cloud just hoped that most people wouldn’t know what a Gummi ship was, or the delinquents that used to live in this area of Gaea were sure to make off with a Gummi part or two. Without Cid here, Cloud was going to have one hell of a time finding new ones, and that was something he just didn’t want to deal with right now.
He felt he ought to have Cid install a flashing neon sign on his Gummi when he returned to Hollow Bastion. It could say “I’m really not the person you want to fuck with today” or something of the sort, because Cloud thought he might seriously eat the first person who made life a little more difficult. Bets were on Reno.
It was when Cloud gathered his bag, took the Buster sword in hand, stepped out of his Gummi, and closed that hatch that he realized he didn’t know where to go from here. He didn’t know where Tifa and Vincent lived. He didn’t even know where to look for Barrett. His initial plan had been to go to the Seventh Heaven in the Sector Seven Slums, but he now realized how stupid that idea had been. It seemed that somewhere between his first trip from Midgar to Traverse Town and now he’d forgotten that Sector Seven had been smashed by a giant metal plate.
He supposed that since it was Reno who’d harassed him through voicemail, Cloud should probably give him a call and demand to be picked up. There were a few problems in that. Cloud didn’t really feel up to seeing Reno after the long flight, nor did he think he could handle even hearing the Turk’s obnoxious voice. If he even heard the word “yo,” there would probably be serious potential for the skull-cracking to begin. That was without mentioning that with Reno came Rude, and with the two of them came Rufus Shinra. Rufus Shinra was probably the last person that wanted to see Cloud with the way he felt right now.
Considering the circumstances, Cloud opted to call Tifa. She, at least, might be able to pinpoint his location. He yanked his bag over his shoulder and wandered toward the town, Buster sword in hand. He pulled his phone out, dialed Tifa, and he pressed the phone to his ear.
“Cloud? This is unexpected.”
“Yeah . . .” said Cloud. He glanced up at the buildings as he entered the residential area. “It’s about to get a little more unexpected. I need you to find me. Or help me find you.”
“Find . . .? Cloud, what are you talking about?”
“I’m in Gaea. I was headed for Midgar, but Midgar’s . . . like . . . practically nonexistent, unless you call an obscenely large pile of scrapheap existence.”
“You’re here? Why?”
“Reno. I’ll explain everything when I see you. I’m just . . . kind of confused.”
“Cloud, where are you?”
“I was hoping you could tell me that. I’m in a town . . . its right outside of Midgar-or what’s left of it, anyway. It’s not Kalm, though, so . . . I’m lost. What happened?”
“Meteor happened. I’ll explain when I see you . . .”
“When did this happen?”
“When Meteor happened. I’ll explain later. Just . . . okay. I think you’re in Edge. Think you can find your way to the monument?”
“That thing in the center of the city? Saw it from the Gummi.”
“Yes. Go there. I’ll meet you.”
“Tifa, what the hell is Edge?”
“Cloud, put the phone down before you hurt yourself. I’m coming for you.”
Cloud sighed.
“Fine.”
“See you soon.”
“Sure. Okay.”
Cloud shut the phone and continued to walk toward the center of the city. He muttered under his breath as he walked, glancing upward and around, trying to take everything in. The place seemed in varying degrees of chaos. Like the Slums, the people of this city (Edge, he presumed) seemed intent on struggling just to get by. They were suffering; that much was apparent. He saw more than one person covered in skin discolorations, oozing dark pus from open sores on his way to the monument. The sight of it made his insides squirm; his body felt restless, his mind uneasy.
“So what’s going on?” said Tifa. She was already standing by the monument as he approached. “Didn’t think I’d catch you hanging around here.”
“I said I’d visit, didn’t I?”
“You said you were here because of Reno. You should have called to let me know you were coming.”
“I didn’t think I had to ask your permission first.”
“At least I could have explained what’s going on here before you showed up. Then you wouldn’t have been lost.”
“You could have explained to me back at Christmas. Or anytime while you were staying in Hollow Bastion. Don’t know why you didn’t.”
“I tried to, Cloud. You just never want to hear anything that has to do with this place.”
“For good reason.”
“That’s why you’re here, isn’t it? Reno said something about a job . . .”
“He said weird stuff has been going on, and he thinks it has something to do with Jenova.”
“Have you called him yet?”
“No.”
“Good. You should probably come back with me. The kids will be happy to see you.”
“I’d kind of like to know what’s going on first.”
“I’ll tell you there. Nothing will be a surprise to them.”
Cloud sighed. Defeated, he followed Tifa through the town’s winding streets and alleys. Another person afflicted with the strange condition passed. Cloud stared for a moment, and then nudged Tifa.
“What is that . . . thing . . . everyone’s got?”
“What thing?” said Tifa.
He stared. Had she not noticed?
“That . . . disease . . .”
“Oh. You mean the stigma.”
“The stigma . . .?”
“Geostigma. As far as we know it’s a side-affect of the body’s immune system trying to purge it of the Jenova cells. Over half the population of Edge’s gotten it by now.”
“Is it fatal?”
“Has been, but there haven’t been too many deaths. Largely causes fatigue, skin discoloration, open soars . . .”
“Dark pus . . .”
“Yeah. It’s nasty business.”
“Do you . . .?”
“No, but Denzel does. Don’t fuss over it. It makes him uncomfortable.” Tifa was silent as Cloud mulled this over, but her voice broke their reverie again. “The planet’s taking its revenge.”
“The planet . . .?”
“Still hasn’t forgiven us for what happened with those mako reactors. It’s been a disaster trying to rebuild. Shinra’s trying to kiss the planet’s ass. You know . . . if it had one. You saw the monument to the Lifestream back there? That’s Shinra’s doing. Reno said they’re conducting an investigation into the stigma, but so far they’ve got nothing. We have no mako, so it’s back to coal for some. Oil is where it’s really at now, though, but it’s been a disaster trying to get that off the ground, too.”
“Things are really a mess around here, aren’t they?”
Tifa laughed.
“Oh, that’s only the start of it all. I’m glad you’re here, though. I’ve got something for you.”
“What? For me?”
“Well technically it’s yours already, but I found it ages ago after you left. Asked Vincent to fix her up. To give a fair warning, he wants repayment for everything I ask him to do for you.”
“I don’t really have any gil . . .”
“He’ll probably just be pleased to accept your assistance with your delivery service. He hates having to run all over the planet for me. I think he’s planning on disconnecting the phone lines while I’m sleeping soon.”
“What delivery service? I don’t have a delivery service.”
“Don’t you remember? Oh, what am I saying? Of course you don’t. Before you left? You said something about starting your own business. That you’d make an excellent delivery boy-just you and Fenrir. Remember?”
“So you started it? I was just kidding.”
“Thought it’d give you something to do while you’re here.” Tifa grinned and shrugged. “But I suppose you’ll have more important things to worry about once you speak to Reno.”
“I don’t know what I’d ride, anyway. It’s not like I have Fenrir anymore.”
“Or I could’ve found her and had Vincent fix her up.”
“Wait. That’s what you have for me? You found Fenrir?”
“Sure did.” Tifa grinned. “You can see her after you’ve settled in.”
“She was my one true love, you know?”
Tifa laughed.
“I know. Riku’s in for some competition.”
At the mention of Riku, Cloud felt his stomach drop. He swallowed and nodded.
“Yeah. So . . . Do you know about this weird stuff Reno was talking about? He says Rufus Shinra wants to talk to me.”
Tifa bit her lip as she stopped in front of a small building. He looked at the sign bearing the words “Tifa’s Seventh Heaven.”
“Listen, Cloud, there’s something I need to tell you before we go in . . .”
“I thought you were going to explain everything once we got here,” said Cloud. “You’re telling me everything before we even get inside.” He forced a smile and pushed on the door. She darted in after him, looked around as if searching for someone, and then relaxed a little. Her shoulders remained tense. “You okay? You look like you need a drink. Lucky you own a bar . . .”
He chuckled a little. Tifa shook her head.
“No, really, Cloud. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but the Heartless around here . . . they’re gone.”
Cloud raised an eyebrow.
“I hadn’t, but now that you mention it . . . Is it just Edge, then?”
“No . . . the Lifestream sort of took care of it on its own.”
“The Lifestream . . . well, I guess after Meteor . . .”
“The planet is really angry, Cloud.”
“Don’t you wish all the worlds would destroy the Heartless on their own? It is the whole planet, isn’t it?”
“It is . . .” Tifa frowned, wringing her hands together. She looked down at them and swallowed. “Listen . . . after the Lifestream destroyed all the Heartless some . . . unusual . . . stuff started to happen.”
“Such as Geostigma?”
“That, and . . . oh, Cloud, I don’t know how to say this . . .”
It could’ve been lucky for Tifa that she didn’t have to, but it probably would have been better if she had. For at the moment Tifa’s sentence broke off, a loud commotion sounded from up the stairs. Marlene’s loud laughter rang through the building, and the sounds of her feet pounding down the stairs interrupted. Her eyes lit up as they landed on Cloud, and then she shrieked again as heavier steps pounded after her. She raced between Cloud and Tifa, ducked under a table, and hissed, “Shhh . . .”
Less than ten seconds later the most foreign familiar head of black, spiked hair came into view. Cloud’s heart jumped to his throat, and Tifa dropped her head into her hand. She exhausted a long, audible sigh.
“I was trying to tell you . . .” she said.
Zack Fair stayed rooted at the bottom of the staircase. His bright, blinding smiled faded for a moment, and then it was back. He leaned again the doorway to the upstairs and grinned.
“Hey, grunt. Long time, no see.”
Cloud’s eyes rolled back into his head and he hit the floor before Tifa got the chance to catch him.
~*~
When Cloud opened his eyes again, he was surrounded by three heads peering cautiously down at him. His back no longer rested against the hard, wood floor of the bar, but on a soft, cushiony mattress. He tried to sit up, groaned, and lay back down again. Marlene broke into a huge grin, and as Cloud brought a hand to his aching forehead and squeezed his eyes closed, she threw her arms around his stomach.
“I’m so glad you’re here, Cloud!” she said. He winced.
“Now, Marlene, back up and give him some room,” said Tifa.
Cloud opened his eyes again. He gave Tifa a soft, wearied smile. His eyes passed over to Marlene. He patted her shoulder with a fatigued arm.
“Hey, Marlene. It’s good to see you, too.”
She grinned.
“Hi, Cloud.”
His eyes tore from Marlene to the third face. His eyes flickered for a moment to the oozing, darkened spot marring Denzel’s forehead, but Tifa’s warning about how the stigma affected the boy pulled his eyes downward. He met Denzel’s gaze and offered him a grin.
“Hey, kid. How’re you doing?”
Denzel brought his hand to his forehead. His fingertips ghosted over the spot, and he released a strained chuckle.
“I’m okay. I missed you.”
“Missed you, too.” Cloud tried to sit up again, this time moving slower and more deliberate. He reached out one arm and wrapped it around Denzel’s shoulders, pulling him into a hug. As his ear came close, Cloud rubbed the boy’s back. “Everything’s going to be okay. I’m here now.”
He felt Denzel nod again his chest; Cloud’s heart pulled tight. He shouldn’t have been gone so long. He was part of this. This Geostigma was because of the Jenova cells. Cloud . . . he had to do something to fix this. He had to. He couldn’t fail, but his doubts returned. Should he really have made a promise like that? As a sick feeling crept into his stomach, Denzel pulled back. Cloud shrugged.
“Sorry about down there. Thing I had a hallucination.”
Tifa huffed.
“Look, Cloud, I know it’s hard to believe, but . . .”
“I got the smelling salts,” a familiar voice cut in, and then there was Zack. All the energy in Cloud seemed to drain again as he dropped back against the pillow. “Ah . . . guess you don’t need them, then.”
“No,” said Tifa. “He’s just having a hard time taking it in.”
“Guess so. I hear I’m supposed to be dead.”
“You are dead,” said Cloud. There was a hint of manic laughter in his voice. “I saw you die. I was there.”
“No, I was dead. Now I’m not. Critical difference, you know. I’m not dead. I was dead.”
“How . . .? That doesn’t just . . .”
“We don’t know,” said Tifa. “After the Heartless disappeared, people who had died just started to . . .”
“The Lifestream started to chuck us out,” said Zack. “Don’t get it myself, but here I am. I gotta say that for someone dead, though, I look better off than you. You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
Zack chuckled to himself for a moment and sat on the mattress by Marlene.
“Denzel, Marlene, why don’t you give Zack and me a few minutes with Cloud?” said Tifa.
The children exchanged glances. Denzel nodded, and then he stood. Marlene followed him from the room.
“Vincent’s out on a delivery,” said Tifa, continuing. “Zack just got back from one, so . . .”
“Why didn’t you tell me this?”
“What was I supposed to say? It was only two weeks ago . . .”
“Month and a half, actually, but it took me forever to find someone I knew,” said Zack. “Tifa says everyone’s gone running back to Hollow Bastion.”
“Wait . . .” said Cloud. He huffed, and tried to sit up again. He braced his body with his arms and slid back to rest against the pillows. “I mean . . . the Lifestream is just chucking out dead people?”
“Something like that,” said Zack. “Not too many, but I happened to be one of them. Could have to do with the Jenova Reunion.”
“The what? Oh, for the love of Shiva . . . Didn’t we take care of that? Is Sephiroth . . .?”
“No one’s seen or heard from Sephiroth,” said Tifa. “But there’s this trio . . . Kadaj and his gang. They’re stirring up a lot of trouble around here. And they keep talking about mother . . .”
“They keep calling me brother,” said Zack. “It’s starting to piss me off.”
“So what?” said Cloud. “You think they have something to do with the Jenova experiment?”
“I think they have something to do with Sephiroth and the Jenova experiment,” said Zack.
“And I’d say it’s safe to assume Rufus Shinra does, too, if he’s looking for you,” said Tifa. “They’d be trying to recruit Zack, here, too, except everyone thinks he’s dead.”
“He is dead.”
“Was dead,” said Zack. “Was. Geez, Spiky. Be careful or you’ll start to hurt my feelings.”
Tifa sighed.
“Maybe I should give you two some time alone.”
“No. Tifa-”
She didn’t listen. Cloud called after her to come back, but she was already out the door, her steps sounding down the stairs. He stared at the door, and then Zack cleared his throat and Cloud turned his face to really look at him. He looked just as Cloud remembered with the casual posture and assertive grin that stretched across his lips. He crossed his arms and looked Cloud over as if appraising him.
“Tifa caught me up to speed with what’s going on with you,” said Zack. “I hear you’ve been doing well for yourself.”
Cloud opened his mouth and shut it again. He nodded.
“I was looking for you, you know?” said Zack. “When I woke up again. I don’t remember much from the Lifestream. I just . . . yeah. I woke up and started looking for you. Tifa saw me wandering around the Sector Six Slums and brought me here. Told me I’d been dead. Dead for years now.”
Zack paused. For the first time in ages, a longing look came into Zack’s eyes and Cloud felt his heart clench. It was such a familiar look full of emotion and heart wrenching pain-a look that Cloud saw in Zack’s eyes too many times as he struggled to make SOLDIER. A look that had been there when the Heartless invaded. It damn near encompassed Zack when Cloud let the darkness in, and here they were all these years later when Zack was supposed to be dead, and . . .
“She said you went back to Hollow Bastion,” said Zack. “Tifa was going to call and let everyone know, but I think she wanted some time for me to get acclimated to what I’d learned first. I hear you and Squall are close.”
Cloud nodded and made a noncommittal sound. He was torn between running from the room and never looking back and throwing himself at Zack without restraint. Zack cleared his throat.
“I . . . eh . . . I hear you’re seeing someone. His name’s . . . Riku, right?”
Riku. Oh sweet Shiva. It was Cloud’s entire world crashing down on his head as the oddity of Riku’s name passing through Zack’s lips registered in his consciousness. The situation became even more uncomfortable because then it registered that Zack hadn’t really remembered being dead, and therefore all those years hadn’t passed, and it was as if . . .
“I didn’t really expect you to wait around for me to drop out of the Lifestream, you know?” said Zack. “I mean I was dead. As soon as Tifa said it’d been so long I figured you moved on by now and found yourself a new boyfriend. I just had kind of hoped . . .”
How was Cloud supposed to explain this one to Riku? Oh, yes, remember my dead boyfriend you’re still wary about? He’s alive again, and we’re going to be living together in Edge while I try to track down Sephiroth during a Jenova Reunion. And that’s not all, because half of Edge has become afflicted with some nasty disease called Geostigma. Remember Denzel from Christmas? He’s dying from it, and I’m sure to let him down, so at least you’re not the only one I’m screwing over, Riku. You just look like Ansem because I couldn’t help. At least I’m not killing you.
Oh, yes. Cloud was sure that was going to go over marvelously.
“Cloud . . .?”
Cloud looked up into Zack’s eyes and swallowed. This was too fucking much. Tifa should have warned him from the start. He couldn’t take this. Here was Zack looking like Cloud had ripped out his heart, but knowing that he shouldn’t feel that way because he’d been dead. He was rambling about being happy that Cloud was able to pick up with his life and move on, but he was so fixated on what was, to him, the sudden end of their relationship. As he rambled, Cloud thought of Riku, who looked like Ansem, sounded like Ansem, and was so very insecure about the state of their relationship right now. This sudden Zack Chucked from the Lifestream Incident was only going to destroy the last bit of self-confidence he had.
For possibly the thousandth time Cloud felt bad for thinking Riku was going to run off with Leon because of his own insecurities. He mentally kicked himself and tried to remember that he couldn’t hog all the self-degrading time. Riku took his fair share, too, and he was especially sensitive to the Zack subject. It had never really been too big of an issue, though, because Zack was dead.
That was kind of the point, wasn’t it? Zack was dead, but now he wasn’t, and Cloud needed to carefully orchestrate this. Riku had to find out about this at the exact right time (it wouldn’t do any good to keep it from him, either), or this could turn into a bigger disaster than it already was very quickly.
Cloud scowled. He got the nasty suspicion Tifa would now expect him to relay the message to Aerith, Yuffie, Cid, and Leon as well. Tifa could be a spineless bitch sometimes.
“Cloud? Hey! Chocobo-head!”
Cloud’s head snapped up. He frowned.
“What did you call me?”
“Nothing. Did you hear what I asked you?”
“No. Sorry. What was that again?”
“I was just wondering if I could get my sword back. Tifa said you had it.”
Cloud stared. What . . .? His sword? The Buster sword? Yeah, it had been Zack’s, but that was before he died. That was years ago. It’d been ages, and Cloud had been fighting with it since. How dare Zack . . .?
“I’m . . .” said Cloud. He gaped. “I’m using it.”
“Can’t you get another sword?”
“Can’t you?”
“Yeah . . .” said Zack. “I mean I guess I could, but it’s mine. It was a gift. I know I died, but . . .”
Cloud raised both eyebrows. Zack shifted under the gaze, and something in his visage changed. Hardened. He was hurt-it was there in his eyes-upset that he’d “died” and someone else had come along and taken his place. And Tifa was sure to have told Zack all the sordid details about Riku and the realm of darkness, his working for Maleficent. Tifa was never as warm toward Riku as his other friends. She’d always liked Zack more than Leon. Zack was sure to hate Riku on principle, but was so angry when Cloud chased after the darkness that he was especially sure to hate Riku for being so young and involved with the darkness.
Without having said anything, Zack had sparked something akin to rage in Cloud. It boiled through his blood down to his fingertips and toes. No one had to say it yet, but when the time came to really have to defend Riku and the fights broke out, Cloud vowed that he would have the final say. Maybe he couldn’t exactly help Riku with Roxas, Ansem, or the darkness, but he could put a stop to anything Zack (or Tifa) might have to say about it.
It didn’t help that Cloud wasn’t exactly feeling sweet toward his long-dead ex-boyfriend at the moment for demanding back the Buster sword. Or that, now that Zack was alive again, their former relationship suddenly seemed less happy than he had remembered it when Zack was dead. That demanding, slightly carefree and yet somewhat superior smirk had always grated on Cloud’s nerves.
And Zack effing knew it.
This had just crossed the border of too much into unacceptable territory. Zack continued to stare at him expectantly.
“If you want to keep it, I’ll understand,” said Zack.
“You know what?” said Cloud. He ignored the weak feeling that still encased his limbs from passing out and hitting the hard floor as he stood and crossed the small bedroom to the corner. His things sat there-bag and sword, propped against the wall. He grabbed the Buster and crossed back, thrusting it at Zack. “I don’t care. Come back from the dead. Try to guilt me for moving on. Whatever. It’s not like I stole your sword. You can fucking have it.”
“What are you getting so pissed off about?”
“This is too much for me right now, okay? You were supposed to be dead.”
Zack’s face contorted.
“What? You preferred it that way?”
“I didn’t say that. It just took me a really long time to get over you, and now I have . . . Excuse me, but this is just a little more overwhelming that I can handle right now. I am in a relationship. I have Riku to worry about. I have me to worry about. Denzel. The stigma. Sephiroth. While you’ve been floating around the Lifestream I’ve been down here trying to fix things and keep my sanity. I’ve been trying to get over you and move on. I have now, and I’m not going to feel bad about that. You were dead.”
“I know I was dead. I didn’t expect you to never move on. It just hurts because it feels like we were still together two months ago. I’m not trying to guilt you. Don’t make me out to be the bad guy.”
“Well I’m sorry it hurts, but I hurt, too. For a really long time. . .”
“I got that, Cloud. Tifa told me that, too. I’m not trying . . . okay, I was going to try and get you back, but I now see that isn’t going to happen.”
“No, it’s not.”
“Cloud . . .” Zack sighed. “I can see you’re really upset right now and this is probably more than you can handle, so why don’t you go take a walk or something? Clear your head. Used to help you all the time. Or is that different, too?”
“I can’t go for a walk unarmed.”
“Take the Buster.”
“Not interested. It’s yours, remember? It was a gift.”
“Cloud, you’re taking this entirely too far. I asked; I didn’t demand.”
“Felt like it.”
“So take it back. I’ll give it to you officially, and then it can be a gift to you.”
“I don’t want it.”
“Don’t be so stubborn. In case you haven’t noticed, this isn’t easy on me, either. I kind of wish I’d have stayed dead.”
“Yeah, well, so do I. At least things would’ve been less complicated that way.”
Zack hung his head. He rubbed at his eyes and nodded.
“Do you want me to leave?”
“No. I’m taking a walk.”
“But you said . . .”
Cloud didn’t stay to hear Zack finish the thought. He left the room, passed down the stairs, and ignored Tifa’s calls as he strode through the door. Halfway down the foreign road, Cloud ducked into an alley and leaned against the cold, stone wall. The pressure built in his head, and he pulled out his phone. He punched away at the contact menu, and as the phone rang, the tension broke.
In Hollow Bastion, Leon rolled his eyes as Cid called something a “pieca shit” and dragged blueprints across the floor of Merlin’s house. He muttered several choice swear words under his breath at the computer system, attempting to tap into the water lines in the hopes of figuring out just which pipe had burst when his cell phone rang. He frowned and pulled it from his pocket, expecting perhaps Riku’s name on the display. When he saw Cloud’s, he ducked from the house and answered.
It took several seconds for Leon to process that Cloud was not being tortured to death, but wailing in tears like he hadn’t since he was six years old.
( Prompt Table) for previous installments. 056/100 Complete.