Sweet Valley High; the road to obsession...
The true tale of a lonely melodramatic girl and the friendship that was based on a ridiculous teen book series called Sweet Valley High.
Age 10
*Michelle is spending yet another Saturday at the Library*
Michelle: “Grr. They don’t have any Fear Street books I haven’t read before and I have a whole hour to kill before anyone comes to get me. Golly gee, what are these books that take up the entire top shelf. Sweet Valley High? I wonder what they’re about. There sure are a lot of them. Doublecrossed, huh? Sounds interesting.”
*Michelle reads Doublecrossed and her life is changed forever. Sometime later she‘s reads the TV Guide (because she‘s a freak and read the TV Guide like it was a book as a child).*
Michelle: “Sweet Valley High?!! It’s a show?!!”
*Michelle watches the show without blinking and proceeds to watch it religiously every Saturday morning for the next two years though she definitely prefers the books. She spends the night at the home of her younger minions, Paige and Aimee, and makes them watch it too.*
Paige: “Let’s play Sweet Valley High!”
Michelle: “Okay! I’m Jessica!”
Paige: “I like Elizabeth better anyway. Jessica’s mean.”
*Michelle reads A Night to Remember, then The Morning After.*
Michelle: “This time when we play you be Liz and Aimee can be Jessica and I’m gonna be Margo and try to kill you guys.”
Aimee: “Yay! I get to play.”
Paige: “Michelle, you’re kind of weird.”
Michelle: “Any weirder then when we played Fear Street and we took turns getting possessed by the evil spirit in the Cheerleader series?”
*Michelle gets her mother to purchase for her first very own Sweet Valley High book, #102 Almost Married, on sale at B. Dalton‘s for $1.99.*
Michelle: “What?! In the recap it says Margo dies! But I wanted her to kill Liz!” *tears*
Age 11
Cousin Joy: “Michelle likes Sweet Valley High? I have the board game I never play. She can have it.”
Michelle: “Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Note: Oh, Joy, you have no idea what you started by giving me that thing.
*After Michelle got the game she tried to make people play it with her.”
Michelle: “Come on, Mother, play the game with me.”
Mother: “This is stupid. I hate that show.”
Michelle: “You suck. Freddy, will you play with me?”
Fred: *snore*
*Michelle is struck by inspiration! Her best friend Amanda has so far been sheltered from the audacity that is Sweet Valley. She’ll certainly play the game with her!*
Michelle: “It’s really fun. I promise. I get to be Lila.”
Amanda: “Umm…I guess I’ll be Elizabeth.”
*Michelle gets a scholastic book thingy at school and sees and advertisement for Return of the Evil Twin.”
Michelle: “What? Could Margo really be alive and coming back?!”
Mandy: “What are you going on about?”
Michelle: “Umm…What about Sweet Valley High? I don’t read that! I’m a morbid gothicy outcast who reads nothing but Fear Street and Christopher Pike. Where’d you get that stupid idea from?”
*December comes and Michelle finally gets her hands on Return of the Evil Twin. She skims through it on the drive home and lovingly places it on top of her bookcase while she goes outside to play. Finally coming in from the cold she finds the cover of her brand new book on the floor, the now coverless novel lying not far from it. Her nine-year-old autistic brother had torn it off.*
Michelle: “I’m gonna kill you, Muckle!!!!”
Note: My parents did not actually give my brother the ridiculous name of Muckle. Tis only is his nickname, his real name is Warren.
*Michelle carefully glues the cover back on so you can barely tell it was ever ripped off, just that there are a lot of creases in the spine. During that Christmas break her and Amanda happily play the game for hours in Michelle’s mother’s bedroom.*
Amanda: “Let’s make the pieces talk to each other.”
Michelle: “What? Like the barbies or something?”
Amanda: “Yeah. Let’s split up the characters.”
Michelle: “Okay. I’m Lila, Bruce, Ken, and Jessica. Liz is Jessica’s goody goody twin sister, Todd’s her perfect boyfriend, Enid’s her dorky best friend, and Winston’s the school nerd and class clown. He was never Enid’s boyfriend.”
Amanda: “Then why is he her boyfriend in the game?”
Michelle: “I don’t know!”
*Michelle and Amanda make the cardboard pieces talk to each other. Liz and Todd have sex in the bathroom despite Amanda being repeatedly told they would never do that. Bruce and Todd paint each other’s cars with obscene words, Ken chases Lila, Jessica’s obsessed with astrology, and Winston and Enid keep running off to Alaska despite Amanda being told repeatedly that she can’t get rid of them like that.*
Amanda: “We need more characters.”
Michelle: “I have an idea! Let’s use all those shoe boxes I keep for no good reason and the two years worth of TV Guide’s I’ve collected. We’ll cut out rectangles of cardboard like the playing pieces and cut out people’s faces and put them on them!”
Amanda: “Yeah!”
Michelle: “And how about you actually read some of the books.”
Amanda: “Sure.”
*And Amanda read #102 Almost Married and proceeded to go through the series as swiftly as Michelle.. Amanda sees the ad for 4 SV books for only $.99 in the insert in the newest book at the time, #122 A Kiss Before Dying. It also advertised that you would get a free Datebook Organizer.*
Amanda: “Let’s get the four books for a dollar thing.”
Michelle: “Okay.”
*They convince their parents and their books arrive on the same day. A Stranger in the House, A Killer on Board, Jessica’s Secret Diary Volume II, and Elizabeth’s Secret Diary Volume II.*
Michelle: “Where’s the Datebook Organizer? They just sent me some crappy lip gloss.”
Age 12
Mother: “It’s $16 a month for your stupid books and you still want me to buy you Fear Street and Christopher Pike, too.”
Michelle: “I’m reading. That’s a good thing, right?”
*Michelle and Amanda go to seventh grade. They actually share a class for the first and last time since fourth grade. All through Health, they pass notes about Sweet Valley High and Melrose Place. They have leaned away from doing the roleplay with the cardboard pieces and just talk about it, especially since they‘ve lost a few essential pieces to the game.*
Amanda: “I can’t believe you lost Winston!”
Michelle: “You lost all the stands and bent the hell out of the Liz card!”
Amanda: “Who cares about Liz?”
Michelle: “Oh, Lila’s Party Refreshments are missing, too. You did it!”
*Amanda reads Amy’s True Love and tells Michelle she absolutely has to read it.”
Amanda: “There’s a gay guy in it.”
Michelle: “What? Really?” *devours book*
Note: Michelle and Amanda had an obsession with gay guys when they were younger, even before anime. One that never really went away.
*Michelle checks out Murder at Paradise from the library and promptly loses it. She steals ten dollars from her mother’s drawer to pay for it. What kind of a dork steals money from their parents to pay for a fricken library book? Anyway, The Fowlers of Sweet Valley, The Patmans of Sweet Valley, and Jessica takes Manhattan all come out one after another.*
Michelle: “Three special editions in a row. Think they’re running out of ideas?”
Amanda: “I can’t wait to read The Wilkins of Sweet Valley to see how far off we were.”
Note: Alas, the Wilkins of Sweet Valley was never written.
*Cover Girls is Published with the Daniel twins on the cover.*
Michelle: “I can’t believe they put the twins from the show on there! I don’t like them anymore! I’m never reading them again!”
Amanda: *reading Cover Girls* “It’s pretty funny. Todd’s discovered as a model.”
Michelle: “Gimme that!”
Age 13
*Michelle and Amanda avidly watch Sweet Valley High every day after school on UPN along with Breaker High. They both definitely prefer the old Lila and Todd and could do without Shred.*
Michelle: “I miss Bruce.” *sniffle*
Amanda: “The show sucks now.”
*Amanda’s mother brings them to a used book store for the first time.*
Michelle: *salivating* “A plethora of Sweet Valley books.”
*Amanda buys many books. Michelle glares because she doesn’t have enough money to buy as many*
Amanda: “I like Devon.”
Michelle: “He’s so cute. Why’s his story in it though?”
Amanda: “They probably plan on bringing him into the books later.”
Michelle: “Of all people they brought Courtney Kane back?”
*Party Weekend is published.*
Michelle: “‘Join the Sweet Valley High junior class as they prepare to wrap up the most unbelievable year of their lives!’ They can’t seriously be intending to end the series, can they?”
Age 14
Amanda: “We’re going to high school.”
Michelle: “Separate high schools.” *glower* “Mine of which nobody else I know is going to.”
Amanda: “You should’ve transferred to Tallwood with me.”
Michelle: “To transfer you need transportation and good grades. Of which I have neither. Do you think high school will really be like Sweet Valley High?”
Amanda: “No.”
*Last Wish is published.”
Michelle: “Isn’t it funny that Todd and Lila were flirting with each when in our rpg they’re married?”
Amanda: “Yeah. I wonder if they’ll get together.”
Note: Unfortunately, that was one clever plot twist that would never come to pass.
Amanda: “While we’re waiting for the other books to come out let’s read them all from the beginning in order.”
Michelle: “Okay.”
*Amanda makes it into the forties, Michelle makes it to the twenties.*
Michelle: “I think Ken’s going to be the one to die. The way it’s set up it’s either him or Olivia, but I think it has to be Ken since Olivia was in the flashback in SVU #8 Home for Christmas. Grr. Those stupid book people sent me three books they‘ve already sent me.”
Amanda: “Let’s go to Walden’s and pretend you got them for you birthday and exchange them for ones you don’t have.”
Michelle: “Think that’ll work?”
Amanda: “That’s what I did when I got three copies of Kiss of A Killer for my birthday last year.”
*Michelle and Amanda go to Waldens and it works. Michelle gets three books she didn‘t have and does that the following month as well.*
Mother: “I’m not buying these books through the mail for you anymore. They just keep sending you ones you already have.”
Amanda: “They’re starting to send me some SVU books.”
*Earthquake and Aftershock are published.*
Michelle: “Dammit I was wrong! Stupid writers who can’t keep track of what they’ve written! How could they kill Olivia when she comes back in SVU!!!!”
Amanda: “I can’t believe Devon just left Enid to die.”
Michelle: “I can’t believe Jessica actually felt bad about that little girl. She‘s not capable of feelings.”
Amanda and Michelle: “I can’t believe it’s really over.”
*Michelle and Amanda ease their pain by buying more and more books from used bookstores, in a race with each other to be the first to collect them all. Proving most elusive being #100, #25, and #76-#94. Michelle trails behind because she’s a snob about the covers. They all have to have the original covers and the ones that had stepbacks must have their stepbacks or she won’t buy them even if she needs the book. Michelle has many medical problems that year and misses much school for doctors appointments. She begs her mother to take her to the bookstore after each and every one, insisting a new book will make her feel better.*
Michelle: “These are all the ones they have that I need.” *shows her mother a pile of 11 books on the floor in a used bookstore* “How many can I get?”
Mother: *sigh* “Get them all. Just this once.”
*Michelle’s stepfather Freddy takes the girls to Front Royal for the weekend because it’s a pretty touristy place he’s been promising to take Michelle to, and they have a huge used book store. They go and Michelle heads straight to the young adult section.*
Michelle: “The Evil Twin!!! With the stepback!!” *holds it in Amanda’s face* “I found it first!”
Amanda: *glare* “I don’t care.”
*Can’t Stay Away is published.*
Michelle: *calls Amanda on the phone* “I was at the mall with my mother and guesswhatguesswhatguesswaht!!!!!!!!”
Amanda: “What?”
Michelle: “I got the first senior year book!!!!!
Amanda: “I didn’t get mine in the mail yet! Have you read it? What‘s it like?”
Michelle: “It’s different. When I first saw it I didn’t even realize it was a Sweet Valley book. It looks completely different. Don’t get me started on what Liz is wearing. And there’s diary entries at the beginning.”
Amanda: “It’s going to suck.”
*Michelle proceeds to read her the first few pages over the phone. Amanda soon gets the book and they both read it.*
Michelle: “It was awesome! I really like Melissa. I hope she puts Jessica in her place.”
Amanda: “I like Conner. I’m so glad Liz and Todd are done with.”
*Michelle and Amanda call the bookstore all the time to find out the publication dates of the next Sweet Valley books and walk the two miles to the bookstore to buy them the day they come out. After they finish them they have lengthy conversations dissecting the books. Michelle, because she’s an anal listy copy person copies all the diary entries and lists into a notebook to pass time after her swing set broke (she sat on the swing set for hours to pass time before this). She kept this up till #16 and actually still has the notebook she wrote all this crap in.*
Age 15
*Michelle gets a computer. And with it, the internet.*
Michelle: “Let’s look up Sweet Valley High.”
Amanda: “Yeah, let’s do that!”
*Michelle and Amanda search the internet and find such great sites as Grace and Cait’s Senior Year, Lily of the SVSY, and a million others I don’t remember. Some time later when Michelle’s looking through V.C. Andrews websites she finds a link to site called eBay. She looks up Sweet Valley High and her mouth waters as she sees all the books listed. Books she needs! A new board game with all the pieces! The stepback covers of the first volumes of Elizabeth and Jessica’s secret diary! It takes a few days to figure out how to use the site before she starts bidding and filling the holes in her collection. It’s not long before she shares her secret with Amanda and the girls live and breath eBay.*
Michelle: “I got book 25!”
Amanda: “I did, too.”
Michelle: “You suck!”
Amanda: “Let’s make a board game based on the guys. In our version.”
Michelle: “That’d be awesome. We can use the card board from my old shoeboxes and we can cut up the TV Guide’s I still collect for the pictures.”
Amanda: “And we can have all the questions pertaining to our rpg.”
*Michelle and Amanda make a guys version with help from their friend Sammie, who doesn’t quite get their Sweet Valley obsession.*
Sammie: “This is kind of weird.”
*Michelle fails drivers ed and it brings an end to her Sweet Valley contrived notion that all teenagers automatically get their license when they turn sixteen no matter how bad they drive. Amanda didn‘t fail.*
Amanda: I watched this really cool show with Sammie the other day that we have to watch tonight on Cartoon Network. It’s called Gundam Wing and all the guys in it are gay.”
Michelle: “What? Gay guys in a cartoon they’re showing on American TV? I have to watch that.”
*Michelle and Amanda watch Gundam Wing and soon becomes their “new” Sweet Valley, only there’s infinitely more merchandise to collect. They compete to get all the manga volumes, doujinshi (on a funny note, my word processor corrected doujinshi to cousinship, wtf?), buttons, pins, models, trading cards, and all the miscellaneous items you can think of. All the money they once spent on Sweet Valley now goes to Gundam Wing and they each stop buying the books halfway through senior year.*
Note: Officially the characters on Gundam Wing are not gay. But they certainly act like they are.
Age 16
Michelle: “Remember how I keep saying we need to start a Sweet Valley site. Let’s do it. With the Janitor concept we talked about.”
Amanda: “We’re the Janitors in the closet and we’ll retell Senior Year, our way.”
*Michelle and Amanda work on the website but don’t get very far before they grow bored with it.*
Amanda: “Let’s bring Gundam Wing into Sweet Valley. We keep playing with it so let’s actually bring them into the storyline.”
Michelle: “Yeah! I want to be Heero.”
Amanda: “I want to be Duo, Quatre, and Treize. So you have to be Wufei, Trowa, and Milliardo. But how do we bring them in?”
Michelle: “New Edwards was in California, right? Let’s say it’s near Sweet Valley and Jessica and Winston hear rumors about it. Being the important people that they are they go check it out. They change themselves into squirrels to get into it!”
Amanda: “Yes! And the g-boys could be sent there on assignment to assassinate the evil doctor Justin. Hmm… I still buy the books but I stopped reading them a while ago. What’s going on now?”
Michelle: “I stopped reading them, too. Last I remember Will was a stalker, Conner was an alcoholic, and Ken turned into a jerk.”
*Amanda graduates high school that year a year early. After her graduation they go out to dinner at a nearby restaurant but next door to the restaurant happens to be, yes, a bookstore! They go inside and find all the old Sweet Valley High books the other stores have stopped selling. Amanda buys several of the hard-to-find ones that she needs and Michelle scowls because she doesn’t have any money. When she tries to convince her mother to bring her back there her mother proclaims it’s too far to drive.*
Age 17
*Michelle and Amanda come to a standstill with their collections due to their preoccupation with Gundam Wing. Amanda needs maybe five books and Michelle about ten (the only ones not having their original covers being the first volumes of Elizabeth and Jessica’s Secret Diaries). But they still kept the rpg going, and occasionally worked on that website called The Closet.*
Amanda: “I’m getting rid of my Sweet Valley High books.”
Michelle: “What?”
Amanda: “Well when we move to New Hampshire we’re moving into this little tiny house where I’m just not going to have the room for them, so I’m getting rid of them.”
Michelle: “But you can’t do that! Sweet Valley’s our thing! It’s the only reason we’re still friends! Well, that and Gundam Wing.”
Amanda: “I have no choice. We don’t have the room. I need to get rid of some stuff and I hardly ever read them anymore.”
Michelle: “I’ll hold onto them for you. I’ll put them in a box in my closet till the new house gets built.”
Amanda: “No. I’m just getting rid of them.”
Michelle: “Fine. Be that way. I need #91, #94, #86, Lila’s Story…etc etc… But just you wait. You’re gonna collect them again. I know you are.”
*Amanda gives Michelle the books she needs and at long last Michelle has every single Sweet Valley High book, but it’s a bittersweet victory.*
Michelle: *mutters* “Well, I have all the books now.”
*Michelle graduates from high school and in celebration Amanda and Michelle hold the first Gundam Wing marathon, where they watch the entire 49 episode series (minus the 2 recap episodes) straight through. It takes 19 hours. She oversleeps and they‘re for graduation. They were just about to lock the door.*
Age 18
*Amanda moves to New Hampshire. On the day she leaves Michelle finds a small black and white kitten she names Deathscythe that becomes her new best friend. With Amanda gone and no prospects of going to college or getting a job Michelle works on the Sweet Valley website.*
Amanda: *calls Michelle* “My brother’s getting married so we’re coming down for the weekend. Can I stay with you?”
Michelle: “Of course. Who‘s he marrying?”
*Amanda arrives in Virginia and goes to Michelle’s house.*
Amanda: “I miss the Sweet Valley rpg.”
Michelle: “Me, too. I guess we could do it online over instant messenger.”
Amanda: “We can try it.”
*Michelle and Amanda proceed with the Sweet Valley rpg via instant messenger. Wanna SV? looks weird typed out so they come up with the codename for it of Peanut Butter is Sticky, using the phrase to denote they want to work on the rpg.”
Age 19
*With nothing to do Michelle goes into a depression and starts evaluating her life. She’s never had a boyfriend or even gone a date. She thinks no one will ever like her because she’s such a melodramatic psychopath with a penchant for throwing things. There were about six guys throughout high school that seemed interested in her but she would have nothing to do with them. Why? Because she didn’t think they were very attractive and they could never measure up to her fictional ideals. And no guy is worth dating unless he’s attractive. A stupid notion derived from, what do you think, SWEET VALLEY HIGH! And that she’s worth nothing because guys didn’t seem to like her. Also from Sweet Valley High.*
Michelle: “Thank you, Elizabeth and Jessica Wakefield, for making me have such low self-esteem and these fantastical ideals that reality will never ever measure up to!”
*Michelle goes to her first anime convention. Her friends, Sammie and Theresa, have no idea how bad off she really is and how much going there and being around people actually helped her. But there, while dressed as a slut, getting drunk in a hotel room, she met Will, a cute guy dressed up as a vampire who sits next to her and actually initiates a conversation. They talk all night, about everything, from Gundam Wing to Sweet Valley to deaths and divorces of parents and the religious beliefs of Quakers. They do the same the following night and make plans to meet up the next morning. However they somehow miss each other and Michelle leaves more depressed then when she came. She finally met a guy she likes who seems to like her back and they missed each other without phone numbers or anything. Oddly though, she truly believes they’ll meet again.*
Michelle: “And of course, I only feel better because of a guy. How Sweet Valley of me.”
*But Michelle feels better. She learns to drive and gets her license. She gets a job at the daycare center down the street.*
Age 20
*Michelle gets a phone call. It’s Will. He’d run into her friend, Sammie, recognized her, and asked for Michelle’s number. They start dating. Michelle’s all giddy and happy and it transcribes over the giddy and happy 14th arc of the Sweet Valley rpg.*
Amanda: *calls Michelle* “I’m collecting Sweet Valley High books again. I keep buying lots off of eBay.”
Michelle: “See? See? I fucking knew it! What‘d I say?”
Amanda: “Yeah, yeah, you were right. Happy?”
Michelle: “Yes. I told you so. Do you want my doubles?”
*Amanda continues to buy SVH books off eBay. She gets nearly the whole collection again, and much faster than it took her before. Michelle brings up that she still doesn’t have the stepback covers of Elizabeth and Jessica’s first secret diaries.*
Amanda: “I got it in one of my lots. I don’t care what covers I have. If you send me yours I’ll send you mine.”
Michelle: “Squeeeeeeeeeeeeee! You’re my best friend forever and ever and ever!”
*Michelle finds Jessica’s Secret Diary with the stepback on eBay. She danced into work after it arrives in the mail and hugs poor unsuspecting Holly, the other teacher in the room she works in at the daycare.*
Michelle: “I now have the entire Sweet Valley High series with all the original covers!”
Holly: “You read Sweet Valley High? You?”
Michelle: “Yeah, yeah. I know. I’m a freaky morbid gothic person. It doesn’t fit. Squeeeeeee! I have the whole series now!”
Holly: “That has completely changed my entire perception of you.”
*Michelle and Amanda put the website back online and start updating it somewhat regularly. They read the same book and do little review things.*
Amanda: “I have bad news.”
Michelle: “What? Don’t tell me you got rid of you SVH books again.”
Amanda: “Well, not yet. I went to the dentist and I have a bunch of cavities and no insurance to fix them. The books are the only things I have to sell right now. I know I’ll at least get my money back for them and that’ll be enough to pay for most of it.”
Michelle: “… You’re not my friend anymore.”
*Amanda sells her books but Michelle finds some of their favorites in a used bookstore and buys them and sends them to her.*
Age 21
*Michelle finally gets up the courage to let Will meet her parents. When he comes over she shows him her entire collection of Sweet Valley High, of which he doesn’t have the least bit of interest in but listens to her go on about how she finally go the last two books she needed.*
Will: “I’m going to ask you to marry me next fall.”
Michelle: “Okay.”
Will: “Are you gonna say yes?”
Michelle: “You’re going to have to ask me. And something a little bit more romantic than this.”
*Will joins the Navy. He goes to boot camp and A-school for 9 months. Michelle quits the daycare center and starts as a receptionist at her dental office where she remains.*
Age 22
*Trying to pass time, Michelle more actively collects Sweet Valley books. She’s broadened her horizons to setting her goal to getting every single Sweet Valley book ever published! She’d wound up with a good portion of SVU books from Amanda’s original collection, and most of the Twins books from a huge lot she’d had Freddy buy her for her 16th birthday. Amanda comes to visit.*
Amanda: “I miss it here.”
Michelle: “You should move back. We’ve been talking about it since you left.”
Amanda: “I’ve been thinking about it.”
*Amanda meets Michelle’s next closest friend, Matt, for the first time. They hit it off.*
Matt: “Amanda and I decided to start dating.”
Michelle: “Alright.”
Matt: “Are you mad, or upset.”
Michelle: “No. It doesn’t really surprise me. My mother’s been saying for months you two would make a good couple. I can see it. How come she didn‘t tell me?”
*Amanda goes back to New Hampshire. Will comes to visit for a month between finishing A-school and his departure for his two-year station in Italy. He asks Michelle to marry him and it’s even less romantic then when he told her he was going to ask her to marry him the year before, but that’s okay, because he’s Will and he’s not very romantic. At all. Michelle and Matt go visit Amanda. And she comes to visit Virginia more times in the next year than in the last five combined.*
Amanda: “I’m really thinking about moving back here to Virginia.”
Michelle: “Let’s do it, then. You’re coming back at the end of summer. Let’s go apartment hunting.”
*Over the next couple months Michelle discovers places like Bookmooch and Paperback swap. In those months she acquires about 30 SV books, finishing off Junior High, Senior Year, and Elizabeth.*
Age 23
*Michelle happens upon 1Bruce1 and remembers why she loved Sweet Valley so much growing up.*
*Michelle and Amanda move into an apartment together with their friend Ben. Michelle’s Sweet Valley books are lying around the house in many scattered piles until Freddy comes over to help her build the new bookcase she bought just for them. She finally gets them all in.*
Amanda: “You have a lot of Sweet Valley books.”
Michelle: “Yes. Yes I do.”
Amanda: “Where’d we leave off in the rpg?”
Michelle: “Lorent’s got his study group with the boy he likes. Riley got a boyfriend. Ben’s haunting the woods. Susan and Dixie are running Oz….”
Amanda: “So then after that…”
Note: Wow. I started this as a satire to go through our friendship that was really based on Sweet Valley but it wound up kind of serious in the end. It’s kind of pathetic how much of our lives revolved around those books and our own world created upon the characters featured in the board game, but that’s okay. We stayed out of trouble. We had fun. And right now we’re both doing pretty good.
Yes, as you might have guessed, the rpg is rather strange, but for those few who might be interested in where the original eight characters stand in it, here’s a brief summary:
Bruce: resides as the current Satan in Hell. He has power and money, his two favorite things.
Winston: His second-in-command. He’s happily married to a demon named Eleanor and they have two beautiful children.
Jessica: Disguised herself as a child named Susan to save the leader of Oz (the Earth‘s military power), Treize, from being killed. She got stuck in the child form and grew to like being Susan and kept up the guise. She know co-rules Oz with Dixie Mathews, and adoptive child of Ken and Enid’s.
Speaking of, Ken and Enid: They are happily married and still reside in Sweet Valley. Their home is open to anyone and they have hordes of children, grandchildren, foster children, and odd creatures living in their house.
Lila: Also still lives in Sweet Valley, she’s a follower of Zachariah, the leader of a fallen cult.
Todd: Owns a sex club with his husband, Shane. He’s happy.
And Liz: She’s a teacher somewhere. We don’t care. We don’t like Liz. Neither do the other seven.
And on an absolutely hilarious note, just as I was getting ready to hit "Post" Too Much Time on My Hands by Styx started playing from my random playlist. Amanda and I always used to say that was our song. We had too much time on our hands and came up with all this Sweet Valley nonsense. ^_^
Age 10
*Michelle is spending yet another Saturday at the Library*
Michelle: “Grr. They don’t have any Fear Street books I haven’t read before and I have a whole hour to kill before anyone comes to get me. Golly gee, what are these books that take up the entire top shelf. Sweet Valley High? I wonder what they’re about. There sure are a lot of them. Doublecrossed, huh? Sounds interesting.”
*Michelle reads Doublecrossed and her life is changed forever. Sometime later she‘s reads the TV Guide (because she‘s a freak and read the TV Guide like it was a book as a child).*
Michelle: “Sweet Valley High?!! It’s a show?!!”
*Michelle watches the show without blinking and proceeds to watch it religiously every Saturday morning for the next two years though she definitely prefers the books. She spends the night at the home of her younger minions, Paige and Aimee, and makes them watch it too.*
Paige: “Let’s play Sweet Valley High!”
Michelle: “Okay! I’m Jessica!”
Paige: “I like Elizabeth better anyway. Jessica’s mean.”
*Michelle reads A Night to Remember, then The Morning After.*
Michelle: “This time when we play you be Liz and Aimee can be Jessica and I’m gonna be Margo and try to kill you guys.”
Aimee: “Yay! I get to play.”
Paige: “Michelle, you’re kind of weird.”
Michelle: “Any weirder then when we played Fear Street and we took turns getting possessed by the evil spirit in the Cheerleader series?”
*Michelle gets her mother to purchase for her first very own Sweet Valley High book, #102 Almost Married, on sale at B. Dalton‘s for $1.99.*
Michelle: “What?! In the recap it says Margo dies! But I wanted her to kill Liz!” *tears*
Age 11
Cousin Joy: “Michelle likes Sweet Valley High? I have the board game I never play. She can have it.”
Michelle: “Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Note: Oh, Joy, you have no idea what you started by giving me that thing.
*After Michelle got the game she tried to make people play it with her.”
Michelle: “Come on, Mother, play the game with me.”
Mother: “This is stupid. I hate that show.”
Michelle: “You suck. Freddy, will you play with me?”
Fred: *snore*
*Michelle is struck by inspiration! Her best friend Amanda has so far been sheltered from the audacity that is Sweet Valley. She’ll certainly play the game with her!*
Michelle: “It’s really fun. I promise. I get to be Lila.”
Amanda: “Umm…I guess I’ll be Elizabeth.”
*Michelle gets a scholastic book thingy at school and sees and advertisement for Return of the Evil Twin.”
Michelle: “What? Could Margo really be alive and coming back?!”
Mandy: “What are you going on about?”
Michelle: “Umm…What about Sweet Valley High? I don’t read that! I’m a morbid gothicy outcast who reads nothing but Fear Street and Christopher Pike. Where’d you get that stupid idea from?”
*December comes and Michelle finally gets her hands on Return of the Evil Twin. She skims through it on the drive home and lovingly places it on top of her bookcase while she goes outside to play. Finally coming in from the cold she finds the cover of her brand new book on the floor, the now coverless novel lying not far from it. Her nine-year-old autistic brother had torn it off.*
Michelle: “I’m gonna kill you, Muckle!!!!”
Note: My parents did not actually give my brother the ridiculous name of Muckle. Tis only is his nickname, his real name is Warren.
*Michelle carefully glues the cover back on so you can barely tell it was ever ripped off, just that there are a lot of creases in the spine. During that Christmas break her and Amanda happily play the game for hours in Michelle’s mother’s bedroom.*
Amanda: “Let’s make the pieces talk to each other.”
Michelle: “What? Like the barbies or something?”
Amanda: “Yeah. Let’s split up the characters.”
Michelle: “Okay. I’m Lila, Bruce, Ken, and Jessica. Liz is Jessica’s goody goody twin sister, Todd’s her perfect boyfriend, Enid’s her dorky best friend, and Winston’s the school nerd and class clown. He was never Enid’s boyfriend.”
Amanda: “Then why is he her boyfriend in the game?”
Michelle: “I don’t know!”
*Michelle and Amanda make the cardboard pieces talk to each other. Liz and Todd have sex in the bathroom despite Amanda being repeatedly told they would never do that. Bruce and Todd paint each other’s cars with obscene words, Ken chases Lila, Jessica’s obsessed with astrology, and Winston and Enid keep running off to Alaska despite Amanda being told repeatedly that she can’t get rid of them like that.*
Amanda: “We need more characters.”
Michelle: “I have an idea! Let’s use all those shoe boxes I keep for no good reason and the two years worth of TV Guide’s I’ve collected. We’ll cut out rectangles of cardboard like the playing pieces and cut out people’s faces and put them on them!”
Amanda: “Yeah!”
Michelle: “And how about you actually read some of the books.”
Amanda: “Sure.”
*And Amanda read #102 Almost Married and proceeded to go through the series as swiftly as Michelle.. Amanda sees the ad for 4 SV books for only $.99 in the insert in the newest book at the time, #122 A Kiss Before Dying. It also advertised that you would get a free Datebook Organizer.*
Amanda: “Let’s get the four books for a dollar thing.”
Michelle: “Okay.”
*They convince their parents and their books arrive on the same day. A Stranger in the House, A Killer on Board, Jessica’s Secret Diary Volume II, and Elizabeth’s Secret Diary Volume II.*
Michelle: “Where’s the Datebook Organizer? They just sent me some crappy lip gloss.”
Age 12
Mother: “It’s $16 a month for your stupid books and you still want me to buy you Fear Street and Christopher Pike, too.”
Michelle: “I’m reading. That’s a good thing, right?”
*Michelle and Amanda go to seventh grade. They actually share a class for the first and last time since fourth grade. All through Health, they pass notes about Sweet Valley High and Melrose Place. They have leaned away from doing the roleplay with the cardboard pieces and just talk about it, especially since they‘ve lost a few essential pieces to the game.*
Amanda: “I can’t believe you lost Winston!”
Michelle: “You lost all the stands and bent the hell out of the Liz card!”
Amanda: “Who cares about Liz?”
Michelle: “Oh, Lila’s Party Refreshments are missing, too. You did it!”
*Amanda reads Amy’s True Love and tells Michelle she absolutely has to read it.”
Amanda: “There’s a gay guy in it.”
Michelle: “What? Really?” *devours book*
Note: Michelle and Amanda had an obsession with gay guys when they were younger, even before anime. One that never really went away.
*Michelle checks out Murder at Paradise from the library and promptly loses it. She steals ten dollars from her mother’s drawer to pay for it. What kind of a dork steals money from their parents to pay for a fricken library book? Anyway, The Fowlers of Sweet Valley, The Patmans of Sweet Valley, and Jessica takes Manhattan all come out one after another.*
Michelle: “Three special editions in a row. Think they’re running out of ideas?”
Amanda: “I can’t wait to read The Wilkins of Sweet Valley to see how far off we were.”
Note: Alas, the Wilkins of Sweet Valley was never written.
*Cover Girls is Published with the Daniel twins on the cover.*
Michelle: “I can’t believe they put the twins from the show on there! I don’t like them anymore! I’m never reading them again!”
Amanda: *reading Cover Girls* “It’s pretty funny. Todd’s discovered as a model.”
Michelle: “Gimme that!”
Age 13
*Michelle and Amanda avidly watch Sweet Valley High every day after school on UPN along with Breaker High. They both definitely prefer the old Lila and Todd and could do without Shred.*
Michelle: “I miss Bruce.” *sniffle*
Amanda: “The show sucks now.”
*Amanda’s mother brings them to a used book store for the first time.*
Michelle: *salivating* “A plethora of Sweet Valley books.”
*Amanda buys many books. Michelle glares because she doesn’t have enough money to buy as many*
Amanda: “I like Devon.”
Michelle: “He’s so cute. Why’s his story in it though?”
Amanda: “They probably plan on bringing him into the books later.”
Michelle: “Of all people they brought Courtney Kane back?”
*Party Weekend is published.*
Michelle: “‘Join the Sweet Valley High junior class as they prepare to wrap up the most unbelievable year of their lives!’ They can’t seriously be intending to end the series, can they?”
Age 14
Amanda: “We’re going to high school.”
Michelle: “Separate high schools.” *glower* “Mine of which nobody else I know is going to.”
Amanda: “You should’ve transferred to Tallwood with me.”
Michelle: “To transfer you need transportation and good grades. Of which I have neither. Do you think high school will really be like Sweet Valley High?”
Amanda: “No.”
*Last Wish is published.”
Michelle: “Isn’t it funny that Todd and Lila were flirting with each when in our rpg they’re married?”
Amanda: “Yeah. I wonder if they’ll get together.”
Note: Unfortunately, that was one clever plot twist that would never come to pass.
Amanda: “While we’re waiting for the other books to come out let’s read them all from the beginning in order.”
Michelle: “Okay.”
*Amanda makes it into the forties, Michelle makes it to the twenties.*
Michelle: “I think Ken’s going to be the one to die. The way it’s set up it’s either him or Olivia, but I think it has to be Ken since Olivia was in the flashback in SVU #8 Home for Christmas. Grr. Those stupid book people sent me three books they‘ve already sent me.”
Amanda: “Let’s go to Walden’s and pretend you got them for you birthday and exchange them for ones you don’t have.”
Michelle: “Think that’ll work?”
Amanda: “That’s what I did when I got three copies of Kiss of A Killer for my birthday last year.”
*Michelle and Amanda go to Waldens and it works. Michelle gets three books she didn‘t have and does that the following month as well.*
Mother: “I’m not buying these books through the mail for you anymore. They just keep sending you ones you already have.”
Amanda: “They’re starting to send me some SVU books.”
*Earthquake and Aftershock are published.*
Michelle: “Dammit I was wrong! Stupid writers who can’t keep track of what they’ve written! How could they kill Olivia when she comes back in SVU!!!!”
Amanda: “I can’t believe Devon just left Enid to die.”
Michelle: “I can’t believe Jessica actually felt bad about that little girl. She‘s not capable of feelings.”
Amanda and Michelle: “I can’t believe it’s really over.”
*Michelle and Amanda ease their pain by buying more and more books from used bookstores, in a race with each other to be the first to collect them all. Proving most elusive being #100, #25, and #76-#94. Michelle trails behind because she’s a snob about the covers. They all have to have the original covers and the ones that had stepbacks must have their stepbacks or she won’t buy them even if she needs the book. Michelle has many medical problems that year and misses much school for doctors appointments. She begs her mother to take her to the bookstore after each and every one, insisting a new book will make her feel better.*
Michelle: “These are all the ones they have that I need.” *shows her mother a pile of 11 books on the floor in a used bookstore* “How many can I get?”
Mother: *sigh* “Get them all. Just this once.”
*Michelle’s stepfather Freddy takes the girls to Front Royal for the weekend because it’s a pretty touristy place he’s been promising to take Michelle to, and they have a huge used book store. They go and Michelle heads straight to the young adult section.*
Michelle: “The Evil Twin!!! With the stepback!!” *holds it in Amanda’s face* “I found it first!”
Amanda: *glare* “I don’t care.”
*Can’t Stay Away is published.*
Michelle: *calls Amanda on the phone* “I was at the mall with my mother and guesswhatguesswhatguesswaht!!!!!!!!”
Amanda: “What?”
Michelle: “I got the first senior year book!!!!!
Amanda: “I didn’t get mine in the mail yet! Have you read it? What‘s it like?”
Michelle: “It’s different. When I first saw it I didn’t even realize it was a Sweet Valley book. It looks completely different. Don’t get me started on what Liz is wearing. And there’s diary entries at the beginning.”
Amanda: “It’s going to suck.”
*Michelle proceeds to read her the first few pages over the phone. Amanda soon gets the book and they both read it.*
Michelle: “It was awesome! I really like Melissa. I hope she puts Jessica in her place.”
Amanda: “I like Conner. I’m so glad Liz and Todd are done with.”
*Michelle and Amanda call the bookstore all the time to find out the publication dates of the next Sweet Valley books and walk the two miles to the bookstore to buy them the day they come out. After they finish them they have lengthy conversations dissecting the books. Michelle, because she’s an anal listy copy person copies all the diary entries and lists into a notebook to pass time after her swing set broke (she sat on the swing set for hours to pass time before this). She kept this up till #16 and actually still has the notebook she wrote all this crap in.*
Age 15
*Michelle gets a computer. And with it, the internet.*
Michelle: “Let’s look up Sweet Valley High.”
Amanda: “Yeah, let’s do that!”
*Michelle and Amanda search the internet and find such great sites as Grace and Cait’s Senior Year, Lily of the SVSY, and a million others I don’t remember. Some time later when Michelle’s looking through V.C. Andrews websites she finds a link to site called eBay. She looks up Sweet Valley High and her mouth waters as she sees all the books listed. Books she needs! A new board game with all the pieces! The stepback covers of the first volumes of Elizabeth and Jessica’s secret diary! It takes a few days to figure out how to use the site before she starts bidding and filling the holes in her collection. It’s not long before she shares her secret with Amanda and the girls live and breath eBay.*
Michelle: “I got book 25!”
Amanda: “I did, too.”
Michelle: “You suck!”
Amanda: “Let’s make a board game based on the guys. In our version.”
Michelle: “That’d be awesome. We can use the card board from my old shoeboxes and we can cut up the TV Guide’s I still collect for the pictures.”
Amanda: “And we can have all the questions pertaining to our rpg.”
*Michelle and Amanda make a guys version with help from their friend Sammie, who doesn’t quite get their Sweet Valley obsession.*
Sammie: “This is kind of weird.”
*Michelle fails drivers ed and it brings an end to her Sweet Valley contrived notion that all teenagers automatically get their license when they turn sixteen no matter how bad they drive. Amanda didn‘t fail.*
Amanda: I watched this really cool show with Sammie the other day that we have to watch tonight on Cartoon Network. It’s called Gundam Wing and all the guys in it are gay.”
Michelle: “What? Gay guys in a cartoon they’re showing on American TV? I have to watch that.”
*Michelle and Amanda watch Gundam Wing and soon becomes their “new” Sweet Valley, only there’s infinitely more merchandise to collect. They compete to get all the manga volumes, doujinshi (on a funny note, my word processor corrected doujinshi to cousinship, wtf?), buttons, pins, models, trading cards, and all the miscellaneous items you can think of. All the money they once spent on Sweet Valley now goes to Gundam Wing and they each stop buying the books halfway through senior year.*
Note: Officially the characters on Gundam Wing are not gay. But they certainly act like they are.
Age 16
Michelle: “Remember how I keep saying we need to start a Sweet Valley site. Let’s do it. With the Janitor concept we talked about.”
Amanda: “We’re the Janitors in the closet and we’ll retell Senior Year, our way.”
*Michelle and Amanda work on the website but don’t get very far before they grow bored with it.*
Amanda: “Let’s bring Gundam Wing into Sweet Valley. We keep playing with it so let’s actually bring them into the storyline.”
Michelle: “Yeah! I want to be Heero.”
Amanda: “I want to be Duo, Quatre, and Treize. So you have to be Wufei, Trowa, and Milliardo. But how do we bring them in?”
Michelle: “New Edwards was in California, right? Let’s say it’s near Sweet Valley and Jessica and Winston hear rumors about it. Being the important people that they are they go check it out. They change themselves into squirrels to get into it!”
Amanda: “Yes! And the g-boys could be sent there on assignment to assassinate the evil doctor Justin. Hmm… I still buy the books but I stopped reading them a while ago. What’s going on now?”
Michelle: “I stopped reading them, too. Last I remember Will was a stalker, Conner was an alcoholic, and Ken turned into a jerk.”
*Amanda graduates high school that year a year early. After her graduation they go out to dinner at a nearby restaurant but next door to the restaurant happens to be, yes, a bookstore! They go inside and find all the old Sweet Valley High books the other stores have stopped selling. Amanda buys several of the hard-to-find ones that she needs and Michelle scowls because she doesn’t have any money. When she tries to convince her mother to bring her back there her mother proclaims it’s too far to drive.*
Age 17
*Michelle and Amanda come to a standstill with their collections due to their preoccupation with Gundam Wing. Amanda needs maybe five books and Michelle about ten (the only ones not having their original covers being the first volumes of Elizabeth and Jessica’s Secret Diaries). But they still kept the rpg going, and occasionally worked on that website called The Closet.*
Amanda: “I’m getting rid of my Sweet Valley High books.”
Michelle: “What?”
Amanda: “Well when we move to New Hampshire we’re moving into this little tiny house where I’m just not going to have the room for them, so I’m getting rid of them.”
Michelle: “But you can’t do that! Sweet Valley’s our thing! It’s the only reason we’re still friends! Well, that and Gundam Wing.”
Amanda: “I have no choice. We don’t have the room. I need to get rid of some stuff and I hardly ever read them anymore.”
Michelle: “I’ll hold onto them for you. I’ll put them in a box in my closet till the new house gets built.”
Amanda: “No. I’m just getting rid of them.”
Michelle: “Fine. Be that way. I need #91, #94, #86, Lila’s Story…etc etc… But just you wait. You’re gonna collect them again. I know you are.”
*Amanda gives Michelle the books she needs and at long last Michelle has every single Sweet Valley High book, but it’s a bittersweet victory.*
Michelle: *mutters* “Well, I have all the books now.”
*Michelle graduates from high school and in celebration Amanda and Michelle hold the first Gundam Wing marathon, where they watch the entire 49 episode series (minus the 2 recap episodes) straight through. It takes 19 hours. She oversleeps and they‘re for graduation. They were just about to lock the door.*
Age 18
*Amanda moves to New Hampshire. On the day she leaves Michelle finds a small black and white kitten she names Deathscythe that becomes her new best friend. With Amanda gone and no prospects of going to college or getting a job Michelle works on the Sweet Valley website.*
Amanda: *calls Michelle* “My brother’s getting married so we’re coming down for the weekend. Can I stay with you?”
Michelle: “Of course. Who‘s he marrying?”
*Amanda arrives in Virginia and goes to Michelle’s house.*
Amanda: “I miss the Sweet Valley rpg.”
Michelle: “Me, too. I guess we could do it online over instant messenger.”
Amanda: “We can try it.”
*Michelle and Amanda proceed with the Sweet Valley rpg via instant messenger. Wanna SV? looks weird typed out so they come up with the codename for it of Peanut Butter is Sticky, using the phrase to denote they want to work on the rpg.”
Age 19
*With nothing to do Michelle goes into a depression and starts evaluating her life. She’s never had a boyfriend or even gone a date. She thinks no one will ever like her because she’s such a melodramatic psychopath with a penchant for throwing things. There were about six guys throughout high school that seemed interested in her but she would have nothing to do with them. Why? Because she didn’t think they were very attractive and they could never measure up to her fictional ideals. And no guy is worth dating unless he’s attractive. A stupid notion derived from, what do you think, SWEET VALLEY HIGH! And that she’s worth nothing because guys didn’t seem to like her. Also from Sweet Valley High.*
Michelle: “Thank you, Elizabeth and Jessica Wakefield, for making me have such low self-esteem and these fantastical ideals that reality will never ever measure up to!”
*Michelle goes to her first anime convention. Her friends, Sammie and Theresa, have no idea how bad off she really is and how much going there and being around people actually helped her. But there, while dressed as a slut, getting drunk in a hotel room, she met Will, a cute guy dressed up as a vampire who sits next to her and actually initiates a conversation. They talk all night, about everything, from Gundam Wing to Sweet Valley to deaths and divorces of parents and the religious beliefs of Quakers. They do the same the following night and make plans to meet up the next morning. However they somehow miss each other and Michelle leaves more depressed then when she came. She finally met a guy she likes who seems to like her back and they missed each other without phone numbers or anything. Oddly though, she truly believes they’ll meet again.*
Michelle: “And of course, I only feel better because of a guy. How Sweet Valley of me.”
*But Michelle feels better. She learns to drive and gets her license. She gets a job at the daycare center down the street.*
Age 20
*Michelle gets a phone call. It’s Will. He’d run into her friend, Sammie, recognized her, and asked for Michelle’s number. They start dating. Michelle’s all giddy and happy and it transcribes over the giddy and happy 14th arc of the Sweet Valley rpg.*
Amanda: *calls Michelle* “I’m collecting Sweet Valley High books again. I keep buying lots off of eBay.”
Michelle: “See? See? I fucking knew it! What‘d I say?”
Amanda: “Yeah, yeah, you were right. Happy?”
Michelle: “Yes. I told you so. Do you want my doubles?”
*Amanda continues to buy SVH books off eBay. She gets nearly the whole collection again, and much faster than it took her before. Michelle brings up that she still doesn’t have the stepback covers of Elizabeth and Jessica’s first secret diaries.*
Amanda: “I got it in one of my lots. I don’t care what covers I have. If you send me yours I’ll send you mine.”
Michelle: “Squeeeeeeeeeeeeee! You’re my best friend forever and ever and ever!”
*Michelle finds Jessica’s Secret Diary with the stepback on eBay. She danced into work after it arrives in the mail and hugs poor unsuspecting Holly, the other teacher in the room she works in at the daycare.*
Michelle: “I now have the entire Sweet Valley High series with all the original covers!”
Holly: “You read Sweet Valley High? You?”
Michelle: “Yeah, yeah. I know. I’m a freaky morbid gothic person. It doesn’t fit. Squeeeeeee! I have the whole series now!”
Holly: “That has completely changed my entire perception of you.”
*Michelle and Amanda put the website back online and start updating it somewhat regularly. They read the same book and do little review things.*
Amanda: “I have bad news.”
Michelle: “What? Don’t tell me you got rid of you SVH books again.”
Amanda: “Well, not yet. I went to the dentist and I have a bunch of cavities and no insurance to fix them. The books are the only things I have to sell right now. I know I’ll at least get my money back for them and that’ll be enough to pay for most of it.”
Michelle: “… You’re not my friend anymore.”
*Amanda sells her books but Michelle finds some of their favorites in a used bookstore and buys them and sends them to her.*
Age 21
*Michelle finally gets up the courage to let Will meet her parents. When he comes over she shows him her entire collection of Sweet Valley High, of which he doesn’t have the least bit of interest in but listens to her go on about how she finally go the last two books she needed.*
Will: “I’m going to ask you to marry me next fall.”
Michelle: “Okay.”
Will: “Are you gonna say yes?”
Michelle: “You’re going to have to ask me. And something a little bit more romantic than this.”
*Will joins the Navy. He goes to boot camp and A-school for 9 months. Michelle quits the daycare center and starts as a receptionist at her dental office where she remains.*
Age 22
*Trying to pass time, Michelle more actively collects Sweet Valley books. She’s broadened her horizons to setting her goal to getting every single Sweet Valley book ever published! She’d wound up with a good portion of SVU books from Amanda’s original collection, and most of the Twins books from a huge lot she’d had Freddy buy her for her 16th birthday. Amanda comes to visit.*
Amanda: “I miss it here.”
Michelle: “You should move back. We’ve been talking about it since you left.”
Amanda: “I’ve been thinking about it.”
*Amanda meets Michelle’s next closest friend, Matt, for the first time. They hit it off.*
Matt: “Amanda and I decided to start dating.”
Michelle: “Alright.”
Matt: “Are you mad, or upset.”
Michelle: “No. It doesn’t really surprise me. My mother’s been saying for months you two would make a good couple. I can see it. How come she didn‘t tell me?”
*Amanda goes back to New Hampshire. Will comes to visit for a month between finishing A-school and his departure for his two-year station in Italy. He asks Michelle to marry him and it’s even less romantic then when he told her he was going to ask her to marry him the year before, but that’s okay, because he’s Will and he’s not very romantic. At all. Michelle and Matt go visit Amanda. And she comes to visit Virginia more times in the next year than in the last five combined.*
Amanda: “I’m really thinking about moving back here to Virginia.”
Michelle: “Let’s do it, then. You’re coming back at the end of summer. Let’s go apartment hunting.”
*Over the next couple months Michelle discovers places like Bookmooch and Paperback swap. In those months she acquires about 30 SV books, finishing off Junior High, Senior Year, and Elizabeth.*
Age 23
*Michelle happens upon 1Bruce1 and remembers why she loved Sweet Valley so much growing up.*
*Michelle and Amanda move into an apartment together with their friend Ben. Michelle’s Sweet Valley books are lying around the house in many scattered piles until Freddy comes over to help her build the new bookcase she bought just for them. She finally gets them all in.*
Amanda: “You have a lot of Sweet Valley books.”
Michelle: “Yes. Yes I do.”
Amanda: “Where’d we leave off in the rpg?”
Michelle: “Lorent’s got his study group with the boy he likes. Riley got a boyfriend. Ben’s haunting the woods. Susan and Dixie are running Oz….”
Amanda: “So then after that…”
Note: Wow. I started this as a satire to go through our friendship that was really based on Sweet Valley but it wound up kind of serious in the end. It’s kind of pathetic how much of our lives revolved around those books and our own world created upon the characters featured in the board game, but that’s okay. We stayed out of trouble. We had fun. And right now we’re both doing pretty good.
Yes, as you might have guessed, the rpg is rather strange, but for those few who might be interested in where the original eight characters stand in it, here’s a brief summary:
Bruce: resides as the current Satan in Hell. He has power and money, his two favorite things.
Winston: His second-in-command. He’s happily married to a demon named Eleanor and they have two beautiful children.
Jessica: Disguised herself as a child named Susan to save the leader of Oz (the Earth‘s military power), Treize, from being killed. She got stuck in the child form and grew to like being Susan and kept up the guise. She know co-rules Oz with Dixie Mathews, and adoptive child of Ken and Enid’s.
Speaking of, Ken and Enid: They are happily married and still reside in Sweet Valley. Their home is open to anyone and they have hordes of children, grandchildren, foster children, and odd creatures living in their house.
Lila: Also still lives in Sweet Valley, she’s a follower of Zachariah, the leader of a fallen cult.
Todd: Owns a sex club with his husband, Shane. He’s happy.
And Liz: She’s a teacher somewhere. We don’t care. We don’t like Liz. Neither do the other seven.
And on an absolutely hilarious note, just as I was getting ready to hit "Post" Too Much Time on My Hands by Styx started playing from my random playlist. Amanda and I always used to say that was our song. We had too much time on our hands and came up with all this Sweet Valley nonsense. ^_^