Harry Potter Abridged! DH Chapter 1

[sweettalkeress]

OMG, I’ve reached the final book!

It’s been more than four years since I started this series, but finally I see the end!!

Anyway, let’s get it on!

Comments

[oneandthetruth]

Welcome to the few, the proud, the sporkers of DH. You're only the third person to do it. montavilla was the first, and I'm the second. Somebody else tried to do it but had to quit after about seven chapters because DH was so horrible she couldn't tolerate rereading it. Good luck! You'll need it.

[vermouth1991]

Hear hear!

One of these days we might have to draw up a chart about who did recaps on which books, for reference sake.

[aikaterini]

/Voldemort: Well…he…ah…he shipped a bunch of Jews off to concentration camps in cattle cars, where he proceeded to exterminate them like vermin./

Voldemort: Also, he was responsible for bombing the orphanage where I lived. But, hey, I never liked that place anyway.

/Wormtail: What’s a Jew?!/

Actually, since Anthony Goldstein is a student at Hogwarts, would wizards be aware of Judaism?

/Now I have someone to run my country for me while I sit on my ass drinking and fondling my pet snake all day!/

*snorts in laughter*

Yeah, aside from exterminating Muggle-borns and making Slytherin the only House, what else does Voldemort plan to do as Evil Overlord?

/This witch is a bystander who’s never appeared in-story/

Which is why when Voldemort first said her name, I thought, “Charity who?” She was created just to be killed, I guess.

/If I step in I might get killed and I need to stay alive for the rest of the book./

Snape: Until the moment where I get killed while the Trio are just standing there and watching me die. So…karma?

[vermouth1991]

(1) The German 1940-1941 Blitz would've made *perfect* backstory for Tom Riddle ("When I'm in charge I'll remove those vermin so that there will be peace on earth"), but nooooooooo. With all the lauding that the HP verse straddles a magical world and the "real" world, they might as well set the story on Pluto, with all the historical and social references going on.

(2) Yes, Anthony Goldstein is Jewish, well at least his surname is a Jewish one. I believe DTCL had a recent article on that.

(3) Killing off a female character is a literature sin, according to tumblr at least, and introducing a female character only to kill her off, doubly so. But you won't see popular "nerd culture" blogs like TMS condemn JKR for doing that. Meanwhile folks like them are condemning Marvel comics editors for requesting a black character's skin color to be lighter (cuz that's super racist, even though no one will say Michael Jordan's not black because his skin is so much lighter than, say, Idris Elba's), and condemning Bryan Fuller for [Spoiler (click to open)] killing Beverly

[jana_ch]

Imagine Tom had some sort of sad attachment to the orphanage because it’s the only pathetic substitute for a family he has, and he’s blithely shipped back to London at the end of his third year to find his home in ruins, and the other kids all sent to the countryside. The authorities have Tom down in their records as having been evacuated to Scotland, and Mrs Cole, Tom’s only mother-figure (and the only one who knew Tom was really at school and would be returning to the city), is dead

[nx74defiant]

There is so much there to build a great background for Tom, instead of the cheap his parents didn't really love each other and he was just born evil.

You know my To Be Read pile is to big and now you've made it bigger.

One of my favorite teachers was a history teacher. A very old teacher (I went to the same school as my mother, and Mom remembered the teacher as being old when mom had her) I remember her stories of her brother as correspondent in Nazi German and Russian translator at the U.N.